Making Traditions…and Memories.

Family traditions and rituals are some of the best ways to bond your family through unique shared experiences. Family movie or game nights, special dinners, particular phrases, and other things that only your family does creates an “us” view that encourages sharing, trust, and great memories. If you don’t have any, start some! It’s as simple as declaring Wednesday “Pancake Night” or always tucking in and saying goodnight to your kids a certain way.

Have Family Dinners (or lunches or breakfasts).

The family dinner used to be the staple of the day for the older generation, and it’s one that has unfortunately begun to be less and less common in this day and age. Everyone sitting down together at the table and sharing a meal, conversation, and experiences fosters trust and familiarity, and gives everyone a chance to take a break from their separate lives and exist as a family unit. Even if you can’t do it every night, make sure you and yours spend at least a couple of nights a week facing each other over some food, so you can catch up with each other, laugh with and support each other as a unit.

Play Together.

Whether it’s board or card games, touch football, or hide and seek, playing as as family bonds and makes memories.

Cheer Each Other On.

Rather than leaving the other kids at home while you go to Junior or Jane’s soccer games or band events, bring them along! Every child should have a cheering section, and knowing that you have a group of people encouraging and rooting for you at every turn is great for self esteem and for creating stronger bondsd as a family.

Get Hands-On.

My family is very touchy-feely, always hugging, tickling, tackling, and kissing. Yours may be more reserved, but there is almost never a bad time to give a hug, a pat on the back, or a quick peck. Physical contact bonds people, and if your kids are used to positive physical affection, they are more likely to be physically demonstrative themselves, passing on the love to the next generation.

Laugh. A Lot.

It’s impossible to stay mad when you’re laughing. Try not to take life so seriously: rather than getting upset about your kids coating themselves in flour while trying to make cookies, try laughing about it instead. Laughter is the best medicine, and it is definitely better than yelling for the blood pressure and mood.

At the end of the day, the secrets of happy families are simple: spend time together and show each other you care. If you can manage those two things, you will be among the lucky ones.

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For the mother who wants to help include the new dad and the new dad who wants to be more included, we offer the Top 15 things that a woman can do to include Daddy once baby is born.

1. Let Dad help feed baby at night. Feeding is fundamental to all babies and Dad, once breastfeeding is officially over, will get a lot of alone time with baby.
2. Teach Dad how to change a diaper. Sure itâ€s icky and stinky but it can also be a lot of fun once the poo is in the trash can.
3. Get dad a baby harness. If you have a home that needs a lot of maintenance dad can strap baby on while he does it and get in some excellent face time.
4. Let dad take a bath with baby. Itâ€s easier than in a baby sink and very relaxing for both
5. Play games together with baby on the floor and let Dad be in charge.
6. Have a staring contest. Babies can stare like nobodyâ€s business. Dad will love it!
7. Read. Anything at all, just read. It can be a magazine or the wall street journal, baby doesnâ€t care as long as Dadâ€s voice is saying the words.
8. Let Dad feed baby hard food. This can be very trying and / or very fun. And usually both.
9. Bounce baby on your knees, Dad. Babies love that.
10. Let Dad take care of baby when sheâ€s sick. This can be a powerful reminder of how fragile they are.
11. Allow baby to really touch your face (but be careful if you have a beard or mustache!).
12. Take lots of pictures! Dad, if youâ€re a camera buff nowâ€s your time to shine.
13. Let dad and baby take a nap together.
14. Dad and baby can sit together on a rocking chair and rock for a while.
15. Carry baby on your shoulders (if they can hold up their head) and play ‘horseâ€. (Dads make the best horses.)

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1.  Buy a beer mug for $15 as soon as you get on the ship.  For the rest of your voyage you get 22 oz. for the price of 16oz and you can refill it as much as you want.

2.  Make a reservation (or several) at Palo as soon as you get on the ship.  Better yet, check in online up to 48 hours before you sail and do it then.

3.  Get to the ship as early as possible on your day of departure and use the AquaDuck lots before the lines begin.

4.  The menâ€s rooms are equipped with low urinals for toddlers, change tables and sometimes diaper genies so you can impress your partner by offering to do the potty trips.  (She neednâ€t ever know how easy Disney makes it).

5.  Use the Small World Nursery, Oceaneer Club and Oceaneer Lab to their full advantage (the kids wonâ€t want to leave anyway) and try the adult-only bars and clubs.  Skyline is chic, Oh La La is like a Parisian boudoir, the Tube is total funky London, La Piazaa oozes Italian flair and Oâ€Gills Pub is super cool.

6.  Disney does a great job at segregating infants, kids, tweens and teenagers so they can hang with their own peeps.

7.  Get a stateroom on Deck 5.  Their balconies are twice as deep as on other decks.

8.  Carry your Wave Phone with you to eliminate texting and internet charges while you are at sea.  Disney provides 2 of these phones in every room and they are free to use.

9.  Put a GPS tracker on your kids (itâ€s attached to a wristband) while in the cruise ship terminal.  They use it to check into kids†clubs and can be located in an instant by staff.

10. Make sure you carry your Personal Navigator (the daily schedule delivered to your stateroom each night) so you know whatâ€s going on.  You wouldnâ€t want to miss a chance to wait for those princess photo ops.  For the kids of course.

11. Order half sizes of a few appetizers to share.  The waitstaff will honour every whim and the food is to die for.

12. Do the 5k run early in the morning at Castaway Cay – Disneyâ€s private island.  (Reason: See #11).

13.  The Midship Detective Agency (register on Deck 5) will keep kids and adults busy for hours and help everyone navigate the ship.  The art throughout the vessel comes to life and helps you solve crimes.  Sherlock.

14.  If you bear a strong resemblance to Brad Pitt, or just want a bit of privacy, the rooms on Deck 11 and 12 come with a private concierge area and dining room.  So you wonâ€t be hounded for autographs.

15.  Because you have so many food choices, try to nudge the kids out of their comfort zones by ordering atypical dishes from the extensive childrenâ€s menus.  You can always resort to Mac and Cheese, chicken fingers, hotdogs and pizza later.  (For you too via room service after having too much fun at the Tube).

Disney Fantasy

Disclosure: UrbanMommies Media was provided a 3-night vacation on the Disney Fantasy, a shipboard credit and airfare for one.  As always, our opinions are our own.

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Know the Nature of the Beast

Before letting a dog enter your kids†lives, you have to discuss the fact that dogs, although they have been domesticated, are animals—specifically, predators. No matter how tame and sweet-tempered it may seem, a dog still retains reflexes and instincts that serve to protect itself when it perceives a threat. Even though your child may mean nothing by tugging on a tail or grabbing at it, these actions can cause the dog to bark, snap, bite, or otherwise fight…which can turn ugly. Poking, pulling on tails or fur or ears, and other invasions of personal space should be verboten.

Tips for Healthy Relationships Between Dogs and Kids

• A session with a dog trainer or volunteering at the local shelter or a vetâ€s office can prove very helpful. They can help point out what can be potentially dangerous cues and canine body language.
• When adopting a shelter dog, make sure it has been evaluated properly by an animal behaviorist, vet,or qualified trainer, and that your familyâ€s composition and lifestyle is compatible with the dog.
•  When buying a specific breed, make sure you have matched it with your family. For example, if you have an apartment and are not home a lot, donâ€t buy a large, active dog breed like a Dalmatian or Labrador Retriever. If you choose a very sociable breed type, make sure to buy a companion of some type, or at least enough toys and diversions to keep them from destroying your home.
•  Set up a schedule or list of duties for your kids to follow in regards to caring for their pet. This can include walking, bathing, clipping toenails, feeding, and cleaning up after it. By taking care of an animal, children learn empathy, responsibility, and respect.

While these potentially harmful scenarios may be few and far between, even the friendliest of dogs can have a bad day. By being prepared, you can keep your children safe while ensuring that your pet remains a member of your family for years to come.

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My wife got pregnant shortly after we got married. Very shortly after. So shortly in fact that, coupled with the fact that our daughter was three weeks early, many people jump to the conclusion that pregnancy was the reason we got married, but that is not the case. Due to the timing of that conception, she was pregnant, and just starting to show, when we spent our first Christmas together. I learned something really good regarding gifts for pregnant women: give her a gift that makes her feel beautiful.

Right around two months, women hit a hated spot during the pregnancy. She is starting to show, but not enough to really look pregnant yet. So, according to her, she just looks dumpy. I did not really agree with my wifeâ€s assessment, because I knew what was going on, but she was very self-conscious about what other people might think.

I wanted to make our first Christmas together special, so I went out of my way to give her the perfect gift. I asked advice from a lot of people, and the best advice I received was to give her something that made her feel good about her looks, since that was weighing on her mind at the time.

Now, you may need to tweak that advice to meet your wifeâ€s needs and preferences, but my solution was to get her a day of beauty package at a local salon, with a limo ride to the salon, a new outfit, and a nice dinner after she has been primped and pampered all day long. She loved it. She felt catered to, appreciated, and loved, and after a whole day of salon treatments, she was confident about how she looked as well.

Every woman is an individual and should be treated as such; also, donâ€t confuse this advice as meaning that women should be viewed as only caring about their looks. It just means that you should put some thought into gifts for expectant mothers. Another thing is that gifts shouldnâ€t solely focus on her impending motherhood: help her remember that sheâ€s also the beautiful, special woman you fell in love with. Here are some other ideas that might be attractive to your mommy-to-be:

• A basket of assorted lotions, creams, bath salts, etc. However, be careful with this one if sheâ€s going through a “sensitive to scents” stage. Many pregnant women find they suddenly despise a scent, perhaps a cologne or even a food smell, that they loved before. Itâ€s often better to save this one for later on in the pregnancy, when many of those sensitivities have gone away.
• A massage session
• A trip to the salon for a mani-pedi (believe me, once in the third trimester, she isnâ€t capable of doing her own toes)
• A personalized coupon for a “day off” from kids and home responsibilities, redeemable whenever. This should include some neat stuff like breakfast (or lunch or dinner) in bed, a back or foot rub (with no “pressure” for said massage to evolve into romantic time), and plenty of time to herself—meaning no kids in sight or earshot, or any bothering her about where things are or to mediate kid arguments.
• A weekend getaway
• Something sheâ€s mentioned wanting: a juicer, bread machine, personal coffee maker for her desk at work, a new case for her cell phone or laptop, etc. Just be careful about the “domestic” gifts, because some women bristle at that…unless youâ€re married to a girl like my wife, who loves to cook and is happy getting nifty kitchen gadgets.
• A gift certificate to her favorite online store. This way, she can choose whatever she likes!

If you find yourself in a similar situation, with your wife feeling less than her best due to the expanding new person inside of her and a special day coming up, take the opportunity to make your wife feel beautiful, special, and loved.

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You don’t want to go outside, in other words. In fact, you’d prefer to stay in your pajamas and tackle the stack of movies you’ve been unable to attend to in the past months. Or get on board with the latest Call of Duty. Nice try. You’ve got a kid — who may (or may not) prefer their pajamas, but probably couldn’t give two figs about old-school Japanese film-makers. And Lord knows you can’t play video games in front of them…yet.

So we need some bad-weather ideas. Even if it means momentary exposure to the elements.Some suggestions, for better or worse:

• Go Outside! Seriously. Even if it takes you half an hour to get everyone dressed for an outdoor excursion that may only last 20 minutes. Do it. The world is different in cold weather. Sounds, smells, tastes. Why not add to your child’s empirical repertoire. Pile up leaves and jump through ’em. Pack hot-chocolate in a thermos (and a bag of marshmallows).
• Excursions. An obvious solution, but it doesn’t have to be a trip to the mall or Canadian Tire. If you’re in the Vancouver area, try Maplewood Farms. White Rock or South Surrey? Try Semiahmoo Family Place or Tong Louie YMCA. Ontario people, well the world is yours as there is a ton of things to do — especially in the Niagara Region.
• Indoors Only. Are pajamas the general consensus? Turn the television off and engage with your kids. Do some baking with them, simple stuff that allows them to feel like they’ve contributed. Create a tent city in your living room (requires broom handles, chairs, possibly a step-ladder, blankets and several clothes pins or clamps). Get your groove on with some old records. Have a picnic in the living room. Paint pictures and hang ’em up around the house.

The nice thing about bad weather is that…well, it’s only weather. Not sure why we’re so preoccupied with it these days. We often arrange our lives around the potential for bad weather (a-la early morning forecasts). But there’s not much we can do about it other than put up with whatever comes our way. So man-up.

And it’s not that difficult is it? More importantly, if you can tucker the kids out during the morning, maybe you’ll open up a bit of time in the afternoon to crash on the couch — catch half a movie before they wake up. You may have to take down the tent-fort to see the television though. Just saying.

—-

When Harry Tournemille runs out out of things to say, he looks to the weather.

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Direct Influences

Babies in the womb, especially during the latter part of the second and the entire third trimester, are surprisingly aware of the outside world, and they respond to it. At 18 weeks along, your baby can hear and respond to external sounds. For instance, they know the sound of their motherâ€s voice—but it doesnâ€t have to be confined to her voice! Talk to your baby, in a soothing and calm voice, so he or she gets to know you, too. Once he or she is actually born, speak to him or her as soon as possible. Let him or her know you are there, and that he or she is safe and sound. If you have spent time speaking to momâ€s belly, the baby will associate your voice with those sounds and respond to you.

You can also play classical music, which has been demonstrated by numerous studies to stimulate intellectual and emotional development. Music improves fine and gross motor development of babies, and it increases the childâ€s ability to make sound associations, a skill which is critical for language acquisition. Choose a musical compilation designed for babies, which take into account what ranges unborn infants can hear in. There are many such collections to choose from.

Indirect Influences

Happy moms produce healthier babies, itâ€s well known. Moms who are stressed have higher incidences of complications during their pregnancies, and stress from the mother can impede the babyâ€s growth and development in the womb.  So try to keep the expectant mom as calm and tranquil as possible. Make sure she gets enough rest and eats well, and pays attention to the doctor or midwifeâ€s recommendations. You can also make yourself a positive example by modeling sober behavior, going with her to prenatal visits, supporting her sticking to a healthy diet, and keeping things as stress-free as possible around the house.

Another thing that will influence your baby’s growth is smoking. If you smoke, quit. If you can’t quit, never smoke around the baby’s mom. According to a report at quitsmoking.com, babies with parents who smoke are 2.5 times more likely to die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome than those born to nonsmokers.

Another big thing you can do that will benefit mom, baby and you is to quit smoking. Everyone knows smoking is a horrible idea health-wise, and it has terrible consequences for expectant mothers and unborn children. So do yourself and everyone around you a favor and quit; if you canâ€t quit, go outside and never smoke around the pregnant mom or the kids. Babies with parents that smoke are more than twice as likely to die of SIDS, not to mention that they have tons more health problems, such as asthma.

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‘So you have a baby now? How do you like your new boss?â€

Having this demanding little person suddenly taking over your life can be daunting for new dads. It can even be daunting to dads who already have children, since we tend to forget a lot of the newborn stuff in the interim between births. So, how about a quick Dad refresher course?

Newborns are surprisingly break-resistant, so donâ€t be afraid to hold them. Truth be told, the baby wants you to hold him or her.

• Women who have recently give birth are, for lack of a better term, cuckoo as a Swiss clock. OK, just kidding—but they are going through some serious hormonal and emotional peaks and valleys. I mean this in the kindest and most appreciative sense. Remember that it is a difficult time for her and do not get frustrated. Listen when you can, pretend to listen when you canâ€t, and watch for symptoms of post-partum depression.
• Be supportive regarding breast feeding. I failed miserably in that regard, and I wish I could go back and do it over now. I will save the details for another story, but just donâ€t make my mistake by getting grossed out or neurotic, and help her out with breastfeeding.
• Help with the household, including other kids. Mom and baby just went through a big event, and they both need time to get over it. Remind her to forget about cleaning up and get some rest.
• The addition of a new baby to the family is going to turn your lives upside down, even if you already have kids. Do your best to keep things sane and stress free while you learn to live with this new person who now controls your existence.

Getting through the first couple of months is the hardest, but being a father never truly becomes easy. Just get to know your new child, help mom out as much as you can, and cherish the experience. Those bossy newborns quickly become bossy toddlers, bossy children, and, in the case of my daughter, a bossy 12 year old. Cherish each phase as it comes.

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Remember sex education in high school? Mine consisted of Degrassi Junior High reruns and some awfully specific anatomical drawings.

All about as physically enticing as dissecting a fetal pig in Biology. And oddly enough, the classes were held in the same lab.

Mix that with some shame-based instruction on teenage pregnancy, and you’ve summed up my early sexual experiences.

So when my wife became pregnant (thank-you Novotel mini bar in Brussels),  my elation was tempered by an anxiety over how her body would change — and the associations I had with pregnancy. I wasn’t sure what to expect or how I’d respond.

Imagine my surprise when I found it all quite alluring.

Pregnant women are sexy — and I’m not some pervy writer cackling over his keyboard. Okay I probably am, but a lot of other men find pregnant women damn appealing too. This isn’t strictly a male perspective either. Many pregnant women claim to feel sexy as well.

Why? Well, from my own perspective and a brief online foray, here’s my list of possible reasons:

• Everything is bigger! That’s a reference to physiology, by the way. The female body now voluptuous and taught and radiant with heat. Men are attracted by sight as well as touch. And there’s more to see now (and touch). It’s a win-win situation. Remember Demi Moore on the cover of Vanity Fair?

That photo brings me to my next point.

• Taboo. The tension between conservative pressures to “show less” and the feminine right to be bold in how they carry themselves. Men dig this tension. It really works. Women today don’t wear gunny-sack maternity clothes. They dress sexy because they feel sexy. And that is attractive to a man.

• At a biological level, a pregnant mate shows an ability to continue the species (and blood line). At some base response, we’re attracted to this. A built-in mechanism.

• Euphoria over the unknown. Let’s face it, after the whole procreation act is over, we’re pretty much removed from what’s going on over the next 9 months. And yet we’re connected to it, too. And there’s an excitement to that — a listless uncertainty that makes us a little giddy.

None of this is universal, of course. I know a few guys who were not (as) attracted to their pregnant spouses. And there’s always the whole “what if I accidentally nudge the baby” thing. Understandable, I guess.

My experience is these people are in the minority — though this does not discount them. But from where I sit, or stand, or drag my knuckles while I walk, a pregnant woman can be astonishingly wondrous. Especially a confident one.

As was the case those few years ago with my wife, and continues to be today.

Harry Tournemille writes from his kitchen table at home — where the common lines of decency often seem rather gray.

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