One of the refrains of my childhood was, you’re so sensitive!

It was not a compliment!

Those of us who count sensitivity among our traits, and yes, our assets, can find ourselves in the midst of people who either don’t share that particular ability, or see it as an irritant or an obstacle.

Happily, as an adult, I have been able to change my perspective and hear this statement (which I continue to hear, btw!) in a different way.

Here’s the truth:

Sensitivity rocks!

I’m not sure if sensitivity is inborn, or if it develops as a way to cope in a volatile and sometimes dangerous environment, where hyper-vigilance is certainly an advantage, if not a necessity. I suspect we’ve all got access to sensitivity, and it’s just more in the forefront for some people.

Either way, I’ve got it! I pick up on little changes in other people’s moods, inflections in their voices, body language shifts. It’s not something I have to think about. It’s always there.

For those of us who have that going for us, it can sometimes be a challenge to manage it! We can be deluged with information from other people, and don’t always know what to do with it, especially when we’re feeling vulnerable ourselves.

And, because sensitivity can often be found in people who’ve come from a difficult childhood environment, the negative interpretation was often the more accurate one.

The good news is, we don’t live there anymore!

We live in the present. And we can choose to BE present to what is happening right now, and our reactions to it.

So, to really benefit from my sensitivity, what I’ve been able to do is separate my perceptions from my responses. And in doing that, it becomes a huge asset, and never a liability.

It is not the sensitivity that creates an issue for me – it is what I do with the information that my sensitivity brings me.

I can choose to interpret what I’m seeing or sensing in a positive way, or a negative way.

That’s right – we choose our thoughts. Always.

And we choose our responses to any kind of information.

Choosing to see something in the best possible light, to see the other person’s behavior in the best possible way, opens the door to all kinds of gifts.

It can shift a difficult situation, because you’ve believed the best.

And it can lighten the way for you as you move through your life.

Imagine, if everything that happens is for your good. What would the world feel like then? A lot friendlier, and full of awesome possibility!

Now I admit, I’m not always successful in stopping myself from going down that road of negative thinking! It’s a practice.

And as a result of deliberate practice, I am WAY better at it then I used to be.

It’s my clarity, and my presence to what is going on in the moment that allows me to do so.

So if you’ve been labeled a sensitive person, CELEBRATE it! You’ve got access to information about other people and the environment that not everybody senses.

Work with it instead, alchemizing it into a rejoicing in your heightened awareness, with the knowledge that you have the ability to choose how you respond.

Cuz that choice, that’s where the real jewel of your great asset of sensitivity lies!

Gold and Black

Taking a break, pausing can be very liberating.

As I’ve discovered in my time as an intentional nomad, stepping away from the habits and structures of the past was an incredible release, and it allowed all kinds of wonderful new-ness in my life. That has manifested in my work and in my personal life, with new work, new relationships, new focus. Yay!!!

The same is true on a moment-to-moment basis. Stepping away from a situation, a discussion, can open the door for a new perspective that shatters the old perceptions.

It releases you for a new way to see! A new way that serves you better than even a reworked old one would ever have done!

I’ve been pausing in my life as a blogger for the past few weeks, considering what I’d like to do and where I’d like to take it.

What’s come out of that is a greater clarity, and a vision for the future that moves me in the direction of my greatest clarity and passion, and I know, even more value, insights, and encouragement for you!

You’ll be seeing the outcome of that pause very soon – a new way. I can’t wait to share it with you!

I love the theme song to the series, Weeds: Malvina Reynolds’ song Little Boxes.

The song is about sameness, how all the houses look alike, the people all do the same thing, and they all look the same.

It makes me think of the illusion of not-choice.

We can feel put in a box, by our jobs, by our education, by our upbringing. We can feel that choices are not ours to make, that decisions about our work and our lives, important decisions, are decided for us, and not by us.

The reality is, that we always have a choice.

We always choose what work we do, whether we work for a large corporation or have our own business. We choose where we live. We choose who we love.

We even choose what we think and feel.

That can seem like a radical idea to some. But once you embrace that, your life stretches out before you as one huge opportunity, a wellspring of potential.

An opportunity to live by your own choices. An opportunity to be conscious in every moment, as you make those choices.

So while it may appear that the dwellers in the song’s ‘houses made of ticky tacky’ don’t have a choice, they do.

And you do.

Always.

“I don’t know what to do”, can be an unsettling place to be.

It may feel like an acknowledgement of weakness, maybe even a lack of competence.

Starting and growing a business brings up a lot of uncertainty. The next step may not be clear, and even if it is, it can feel like a huge risk to just take it.

Fear comes up! Yikes!

Really, though, not knowing what to do next is an opportunity to say, I am finding my way, in every moment.

Every moment is where we live, always. In every moment, there is an opportunity to acknowledge, I am present to whatever is happening right now. I am deciding, right now, what to do. I am choosing, right now.

It’s that ongoing and constant presence that leads you to where you want to go.

A guide that I use with my clients is a tool I created called, The Best Day At Work Ever©. It’s a visioning tool that guides you through a process to discover what your best day at work looks like.

That framework becomes the mold into which you pour every decision, every choice, in every day. With those moment to moment decisions, those choices, you create your best work life ever.

By staying present to yourself, to your vision of your best day at work as the framework, you end up being guided right out of fear, right out of ‘I don’t know’ to ‘I am finding my way’.

p.s. Like all things entrepreneurial, this approach also works in other part of your life! This is what I love about being an entrepreneur – it’s such an awesome path for personal growth!

Some people come into your life just to teach you how to let go. ~Unknown

As I move further into yet another (!) new phase of my life, I find myself again dealing with the issue of letting go.

After all that I released when I became a nomad, my house, my belongings, my life as I then knew it, I figured, well, that pretty much does it! What else can I let go of?

Yeah, I know – I find that pretty funny too, now!

That decision, to let go of my old life, just opened the door to release old attachments, old grief, old ways of thinking about myself and the world.

Which I did. I did what was necessary then to move into a new life.

And now, each time I step into a new way of being, embrace something, or someone, new, I find myself having to again release.

To make room for the new.

Some of my best teachers of this process are unintended ones. They are the (thankfully few) people in my life who simply cannot let go. They hang on, they cling.

They simply will not face their fear.

While I see the fear so clearly in them, it’s a whole other ballgame to see it in myself!

I know it is fear when I am asking someone to be something other than what they are in this moment.

I know it is fear when I will not let go of what ‘should be’, instead of just being with what is.

I know it is fear when I hang on to a belief that keeps me from what I want, from what is right before me to receive.

So instead of turning away, I choose to look fear in the eye.

My handy little tool for this process is the personified fearful lizard I call Stella. When we first met, she sat on my shoulder, spouting her (OK, my!) fears, wailing, gnashing her lizard teeth.

Lately, Stella has mostly been sitting nearby in a beach chair, drinking a fruity umbrella drink, observing me, and giving me a thumbs up when I look over to check on how she’s doing. I’ve been dealing with my fears.

My teachers, the ones who won’t let go, have taught me that I am more than my fear – my fear (aka Stella) is only a part of me. And I can deal with that part any way I choose.

I can get as worked up as Stella does. Or I can observe her, feel her self-imposed suffering, and choose to take her in, comfort her, hold her in my arms until the fears subside and she can again return to her beach chair, giving me the thumbs up.

It’s in this embracing of my fear that I start to have dominion over it, a conscious choice of what to do in response.

That’s the start of dealing with any fear.

And it allows me to release all that I need to in order to grow, to change, to move into a new way of being.

I invite you to embrace your own inner Stella.

Release is necessary to make changes, to move into new ways of being.

Fear will come up.

And you have it in you to face it, embrace it, and do what is needed to live your best life.

I’m in a new relationship.

It’s pretty freakin’ amazing. ☺

And yes, I have had people tell me, enjoy it, it’ll get to ‘reality’ soon enough. The honeymoon will be over.

And I was buying it. Totally fell into the trap of believing what I was told to expect, and what I have experienced (or manifested!) in past relationships.

Even so, I was at least telling myself, be present to it. And we’ve said to each other, let’s really live it! And really meaning that.

I have also been telling people, just let me have this bubble!

My friend Anna, who’s been here in New Mexico taking a photography workshop with me, has been commenting on the amount of text traffic between me and my love, as we share our daily lives with each other while we’re apart.

I’ve been assuring Anna, be patient, it’s just a moment in time.

This morning, I had breakfast with one of my Santa Fe friends, Laura. I was telling her about this interchange around the texting, and that it was a moment in time I was enjoying.

Her response to me just stopped me in my tracks.

She said, it just gets better.

Not, yeah, fine, enjoy it now, cuz it won’t last. Not, you’re in a haze of, ‘wow, isn’t it awesome that we both love ketchup on our hot dogs’, but you’ll wake up soon. Not that.

It just gets better.

Wow.

In that moment, I knew what I’d been doing.

I had allowed myself to mindlessly follow the accepted ‘norm’. I’d unconsciously fallen into the trap of accepting what other people had to tell me about my own experience.

And maybe not so unconsciously, I had chosen to protect myself from potential disappointment when the bubble supposedly inevitably bursts.

I have been feeling pretty proud of myself and how consciously I live. Well, it turns out, maybe not as consciously as I could! This served to bring me yet again into the awareness that the choice to live a conscious life is made in every moment.

Every moment.

One thing I have noticed is how this experience is affecting my energy around other people. I feel like I am bathed in waves of love right now. Not just from the obvious source. It is coming to me in all kinds of ways, large and small, from acceptance from family like I’ve never experienced, to small gestures from friends and even acquaintances.

What this tells me is that I have opened my eyes, and my heart, to what is around me all the time. In doing that, I have consciously chosen to see. In this moment.

So I choose to be in the freakin’ amazing of this relationship.

I choose to be in the amazing of my life as it is right now, which includes and is more than this relationship.

It is up to me to decide, how hard or easy is this going to be? It’s up to me to choose, how long is this way of being going to last?

I choose amazing.

In every moment.

What are you choosing?

You can choose your own amazing right now. In this moment.

I can tell you, it may not be like anything you’ve ever experienced, and it will absolutely blow you away with its power and beauty and joy.

Choose amazing. You deserve it.

This week, I am in Santa Fe, New Mexico to attend a photography workshop with my friend Anna.

Being here is always a time of spiritual awakening for me – getting in touch with myself on the deepest and highest levels.

And I am having trouble being present.

I could say that I have a lot on my mind, family issues, someone at home who wants to be with me and who I want to be with too, work to do.

But that’s not it.

The thing is, only I can choose to be present. I can choose to not be distracted with whatever is happening on the outside, and focus on my inner presence.

It is only from that place that I can move into and be in the world in a grounded and complete way.

I am so grateful for this time. I am grateful for all that I have in my life, the gifts, the joy, the love.

And I am most grateful for the awareness of choice of my own presence.

Because in that awareness, there’s no real complexity – it’s simple. But not easy! The simplicity is that in your choice to be present, you just are.

So, to quote the great philosopher Nike, how to be present in every moment is this: just do it!

We are so surrounded with opportunities for love in our lives.

A little boy who comes and throws his arms around your legs and hugs with abandon. An amazing new relationship. Friendship right down to the core, through thick and thin. A note of appreciation from a client.

What sometimes prevents us from seeing all this love, receiving it, is that we have preconceptions about what love is supposed to look like.

It’s gotta be someone who looks a certain way, has a certain job, a certain lifestyle.

It’s gotta come at a certain time, when we decide we are ready, when we have time for it.

It’s gotta be wholly accepting, never questioning, run smoothly.

It’s gotta match our need for love in exact measure.

One very huge gift of my months of nomad-ing and the growth and transformation that has come with it is that I have let go of the notion that love has to look or be a certain way.

The thing is, love is love, and it is precious.

Wherever you find it, it is a place to stop and pay attention.

Having a business can feel complicated. Strategic plans, marketing pies, hiring. It all can seem like a big deal.

The thing is, doing business well can be ruled by just four things.

The simplicity of them might surprise you.

What sets entrepreneurs apart isn’t necessarily about branding. Or unique offerings.

Sure, those things are important.

But once you get into conversation with a client or potential client, these 4 things will keep your business going longer than any cool brand.

1. Be polite. Say please and thank you. No one wants to work with a prima donna, especially not someone you are paying to provide you with a product or service. Civility may be out of vogue in the larger culture, but in business, this basic expression of gratitude and recognition of your client’s freedom of choice rocks!

Practical tip: Make a point of saying thank you to clients who give you their business. A handwritten card is incredibly appreciated because emails have so become the norm. I had cards designed that included my company logo and a big, Thank you! on it. Include your contact info so they can reach you easily if the card makes them think of another project!

2. Return phone calls the same day. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve had clients say, we chose you partly because you returned our calls right away. Nobody else seemed that interested. They felt heard, honored, and respected. So while it’s tempting to put your own schedule first, and call clients when it’s convenient for you, calling when it’s convenient for them is what sets you apart. That doesn’t mean that you have to do what they are asking right in that moment. You can establish boundaries about your time. What it does do is send a strong and clear message that you value their business, and you’re willing to hear what they have to say.

Practical tip: Set aside 15 minutes a day to return calls. This takes a little intention-setting, because all you are doing in these calls is reaching out. You are not obliged to do what the client is asking unless you decide to do so. It’s up to you to set your own boundaries. You are calling to let them know that you value the connection, and that you are willing to listen.

3. Keep your promises. Do what you say you’re going to do. Over the 16 years I’ve had my business, my steady multi-6-figure income has come about because I do what I say I’m going to do. Clients know they can rely on me, and it keeps them coming back, again and again. Keeping your promises is HUGE when it comes to trust, no matter what business you’re in. If you’re a coach, nothing is more important.

Practical tip: After connecting with a client (or during your call or meeting), write down what you said you’d do. I make notes during calls and meetings, and I highlight my action items. I do this by putting an arrow in the margin next to my notes with my first initial. If it’s a member of my team that needs to respond, or if the client is going to send something, it’s their initial I put there. It’s a quick way to scan my notes for action points. And I can easily let my team members know what’s needed.

4. Follow up. Don’t leave the client hanging. So many business opportunities are lost because people just don’t follow up. Sure, it can be scary. It can bring up fear of rejection – every entrepreneur I’ve ever worked with has that one! It’s also part of what allows us to grow, to push past where we’ve been before and into a new area of openness. Openness invites in new business, and that is what we all need to keep our business flourishing. This one also ties in with #3 – if you say you’re going to do something, like follow up, then do it!

Practical tip: Schedule it in, right after your call or meeting. It’s the surest way to keep yourself on track. If you need to break down a follow up item into easy individual steps, then do that as soon as you can after the client contact. Then schedule all the steps in. This is usually quick and easy to do, so do it right away!

Not as complicated as you thought, huh?

Of course, these four basics are not all there is to business, but these are such core values, core behaviors, that they affect everything you do. With clients. With your team. With your suppliers.

And they’re great things to think about for yourself too. Treating ourselves with courtesy, knowing we can rely on ourselves to respond and do what we say we’re going to do, and taking action are at the root of building our confidence in ourselves.

They create a level of self-trust that will help you navigate this awesome journey of being an entrepreneur! And that sets you apart in a deep and profound way.

I’ve been surprised recently by a couple of well-regarded business women advising their female entrepreneur clients, don’t take business personally. It’s ‘just a business decision’.

Horseradish! (ok, I’d prefer to use another term here, but I’m keepin’ it clean!)

After years of working in an impersonal corporate setting where so much bad behavior is excused by saying, ‘it’s just business’, I am delighted and pleased to tell you that we have an alternative.

We can take everything about business personally!

Women are truly awesome at this. And it works well for us, for our clients, and for our staff.

Let’s not go down the well-worn path of pretending to be impersonal. You can instead choose the creative path of making everything personal!

A business is all about the people who make it come alive: entrepreneurs, clients, staff. If we as entrepreneurs do not take our businesses personally, then we risk abdicating responsibility for our decisions.

Our decisions about how we treat clients and staff, and even ourselves, become disconnected from who we are as people, because we can blame it all on, ‘it’s just a business decision’.

Stay out of this trap!

Being an entrepreneur is an ongoing challenge – remaining true to yourself while managing the day-to-day of your company, dealing with a lot of different people, serving your clients.

Yes, it’s a challenge.

AND you can do it without abandoning yourself and who you came here to be.

When you are called to make a tough choice, own it! Nobody but you is making this decision, and it is always for a myriad of reasons.

That’s at least partly why you choose to be an entrepreneur – you choose to bring the whole of yourself into the world, into your work, into your life.

It’s not always easy, but it is so worth it!

So which are you going to choose? Living fully, with your whole self, in everything you do? Or defaulting to ‘just business’?

A useful way I have found to deal with these sometimes sticky situations is to stop for a moment and consider, am I making this choice before looking at how it’s going to impact my clients, my staff, or me?

Am I saying that you as an entrepreneur are obliged to deny your own needs to satisfy those of your clients or staff? Not at all! It’s really the opposite.

I am saying that we need to make our decisions consciously. Sometimes that means knowing that you are making a decision to satisfy your own needs, even if it means not meeting other people’s.

Consciously ask yourself, is this choice a true expression of me as I choose to be in the world?

Once you’ve considered that, you can step up, make your choice with clarity, and stand behind it as your personal decision.

Your own clarity translates directly into business success. Your clarity becomes a beacon, a guide, a sentinel for you as you move forward.

People won’t necessarily like your decision, but as long as you stay connected to yourself, you can stay strong in your clarity, knowing you have brought your whole self into your decision and your business.

You know that it’s all personal.

You act out of who you came here to be.

And ultimately, that’s the best business decision.