“Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.

Jeff Lyons (@usedwigs) is the funny man proprietor of usedwigs.com, and the host of the UsedWigs Radio podcast. Most relevant to Follow Friday, Jeff is a funny tweeter who was enough of a gentleman to elaborate on a few of his classic tweets.”

READ IT AT SPLITSIDER>

I love Sean Tejaratchi on Twitter (@ShittingtonUK) and here on Liar Town USA. No one makes up better fake names. No one.

More from Liar Town USA

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Maybe Hitler started WWII after being constantly attacked by time travelers.

— Sean Tejaratchi (@ShittingtonUK) March 23, 2013

Hi, I’m raising money for Back on My Feet (BoMF) again this year. BoMF is a great nonprofit that…

“… promotes the self-sufficiency of those experiencing homelessness by engaging them in running as a means to build confidence, strength and self-esteem… it enables members to move towards self-sufficiency through educational and job training opportunities.”

On Saturday, July 20th, I will be participating in the 20in24 Challenge and I will see how many 8.4-mile laps I can run around Philly’s Schuylkill River Loop in 24 hours. The past two years I ran 50 miles, I hope to do the same (maybe more) this year. The race I’m doing is called the Lone Ranger Ultra Marathon, and yes, I will definitely be wearing a mask and holster… but no horse, that would be cheating.

If you help out with a little donation ($5, $10, anything at all) I promise to high-five the Rocky Statue for you every time I run by it. I’d really appreciate the support and so would Back on My Feet.

Donation Page

There is a “Please Enter Your Own Amount” at the bottom of Step 1.

Thanks so much! Jeff

UsedWigs Radio returns to L’etage this spring for some more super fun nonsense. The lawyers for Russ, Todd and Jeff have been meeting for months and have finally come to terms with all their demands. Russ now gets to wear a crown, Todd does not have to wear a shirt and Jeff can’t talk at all until the final ten minutes of the show. Everybody wins!

Special Guests!

Comedians Gregg Gethard (Bedtime Stories) and Jim Grammond (Reasonable Discourse with Jerks) will join the fellas armed with tales of  Success and Failure and Bombing and Rebounding!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013 – 8:00pm
L’etage
624 South 6th Street
Philadelphia, PA 19147

Admission: FREE!

Also, join us on our Facebook Page! It’s filled with baby and food photos just like you asked for!!

Get Pumped! Jingle!

“I hid all of my bandmates’ hats and I refuse to tell them where they are.”

The Hangover Part III looks terrible.

“Thanks Miriam, now no one will notice my new fob watch.”

“Hi, we’re here to get the party started.”

Beard Depot! All Shapes, All Sizes!

“My fantasy football team’s poor performance is worrisome.”

“Hi. I smell worse than you could ever imagine.”

“I know, it sucks. I still can’t believe Lost ended that way.”

Looking forward to Lady Fartz new record.

“It’s okay, Marni, you’re allowed to be sad when the Coors Light Summer Boat Party Cruise ends.”

“Hear ye, Hear ye! We suck.”

“Hi, welcome to Gloom City Cupcakes, how can we help you?”

“Yes, the kitchen is kinda small BUT there’s lots of space in the living room to hold your weekly Moping Club meeting.”

Meet The Buttholes

The upcoming season of Survivor promises to be the most brutal ever! Someone will die!!

“That’s right, someone will die… but it won’t be any of us!”

“I like to sneak up on the other guys and put this on their heads and say You hat me at hello!  It cracks up everyone on our tour jet.”

“No, it’s cool Bethany, you just keep dancing and I’ll just keep looking for your fucking car keys.”

“Come along, muchachos! We’re meeting our bro Guy Fieri for some off-the-hook chili tacos! So money!”

Please come to this week’s Story Slam! Topic: “My Unfinished Novel Won’t Write Itself!”

Tonight on “Hipster House Flipsters”…

Death of the party

“I guess we’ll agree to disagree, Samantha… even though only an idiot would think Clive Burr was a better drummer than Nicko McBrain.”

“Be honest, is this working? I can grab a gramophone and a coonskin cap from the props department if not.”

“Shhhh… we’re tracking a sasquatch on a fixed-gear mountain bike.”

“Today’s episode of This American Life explores smile haters.”

“Um, we’re lost. Which way to Hello Giggles website?”

“Who installed the fuck out of this Ikea Månljüs pendant lamp? That would be us. We installed the fuck out of this Ikea Månljüs pendant lamp.”

Good to see Dave Attell with hair and in a band. He shreds.

To get away from all the tension, Fergus thinks about his happy place, Puppytown Junction, just like his therapist told him to do.

“Correct, St. Peter greets people up there and we’re the gate keepers down here. Welcome, friend!”

“Sometimes my guitar doesn’t want to play my songs and it tries to drive away.”

Available for weddings, parties, funerals…

The Glumdrops

“Look at me, I am a bass player. Please enjoy this visual joke, America!”

“Let’s do a Meet The Beatles thing, but make sure the Rick looks super tiny and stupid. Ya know, because he missed practice again.”

“Does anyone have a washboard and plectrum banjo Josiah and Annabelle can borrow?”

“Chloé, if the label wants us to change our name to ADORBS, I say we do it… because we are… let’s own it.”

“Help, how do you use Levels in Photoshop?”

Ghost Hunters: Brooklyn

“Come to our show mutherfuckers! We’re $30 away from getting Køng his own leather jacket!”

Come for our artisanal cheeses, stay for our six-pronged mandolin assault.

Yup, a V-neck with buttons. Deal with that mutherfuckers!

Grand Opening Sale-a-bration at the new Zero Dollar Store!

Support Y107′s Morning Hosts Grumpy and Pit Stain during this year’s “Stand-a-thon!”

“Thank you guys soooo much for your support!! Hugz and Luvz to all our fans!”

“Are you there God? It’s me… trying to look like you.”

And there they sat for hours in silence, all refusing to take responsibility for forgetting the picnic basket and Frisbee.

“Um Blythe, are you sure this is where the tweet said the Peruvian Barbeque Taco Truck would be parked?”

“Wake me if I get interesting.”

The Joy Less Club

Pukulele

“We will do whatever it takes to distract you from the music we play poorly.”

“Jonas calls them bottom burps, I call them not funny.”

“Hi, just taking a break. We’re chasing an angel through the forest. Have you seen her?”

“FOUND HER!!!!”

“Shhh… if we bag this one, we eat for a month!”

“Let me be perfectly clear Willem, you WILL wear this hoodie-shirt I made you on stage and you WILL mention my Etsy store name!”

“When Boston Bruins playoff  tickets go on sale, we’re ALWAYS first in line! ALWAYS! And no cutsies!”

Questions? Wake up one of our Sunglass Hut professionals for assistance!

Watch out Banksy, it’s Wanksy!

“What’s that Mr. Photographer? You want pensive? How does 300,000 mother-fucking kilowatts of pensive intensity sound?”

“If you must know, we find the all the “NO” responses to our Margarita Happy Hour Evite quite troubling.”

“Ladies and gents, give it up for Pop Pop and The Pouty Pouters!”

“Damian, it was actually quite simple. I used a Reveal All Layer Mask on Chambliss with the Gradient Tool set to Transparent. Also, I used Photoshop’s new Dour filter on the  top three layers. Easy Peasy!”

“If you’re happy and you know it, you’re out of this band! clap clap!”

“Colton… Jarrod… is she gone yet? I’m afraid to look.”

“Yes, I feel country and yes I feel feminine. Just take the damn photo.”

“Shhhh… guess whose breath is atrocious?”

Darthikhus mumbles “Ringlets, much?” while looking at KhurchBurner’s new hairdo. SoulStainz stifles a laugh.

“I’m not mad, I just can’t believe you watched ‘Mike & Molly’ without me.”

Frosted Tips only $19.95 now at SupeCuts!

“Don’t you think for one second we don’t know the difference between the berries you CAN eat and the kind you CAN’T!”

“We like the same things!!! BFFz!!!”

This photo is pretty close to being cool… here, let me just add something…

Perfect!

I bet she could try a little harder to get noticed. Knee cymbals?

Listen you creeps, stop the disappointed staring thing. I will say it just one more time, “I’m not investing in your hemp clothing line!!”

The one-man white guy drumline is the worst kind of drumline.

“Buy four oxfords, get one free bow tie!  Only at Lord Sullenton’s High Street Haberdashery.”

Oh how I wish this was Camp Crystal Lake.

Trevor mistakenly left the tent and fishing poles in the driveway.

“My wrinkled shirt makes me feel despondent and ashamed. Lars, please smile for both of us.”

“Dammit Simon! I CANNOT believe you just got us kicked out of Silly People Camp!”

“We are being cuter than you ever thought humanly possible, right? This was totally Gypsum and Nate’s idea!”

“Your move, Bonnie Prince Billy!”

“May I please borrow your lawn mower?”

“Join our fight against the Dharma Initiative and we promise to get you off this island.”

“Fuck you forest, we’re gonna chop down another too.”

“We are so in a fight right now.”

“I am so bored with you liking me.”

“Look guyzz, this where stinky homeless people live. Yuckee!”

The featured speakers at your next web design conference.

“Is that our sense of humor on the floor?”
“Yes dear, but don’t pick it up. We have no use for it.”

Watch where you step: Someone threw up filthy hipsters and kitsch all over the stage.

“No, I most certainly will NOT go jet skiing with you!

“I bang on drums!”
“I encourage Conan to make bad music!”

Look, Balki has GarageBand.

Native American Idiot

An accordion makes nothing better.

“I’ve been working out, can I go shirtless, pretty pleeeease!”
“Okay, but you know the rule, drummers in the back.”

“Make no mistake, when I’m done my smoke, your beer pong ass-kicking will commence.”

Pot rap, about as enjoyable as pot comedians.

Photographer: “Your ennui is overwhelming…  perfect!”

Poor bedbugs, having these dirty hippies lying on top of them.

Listen pal, I don’t care who your father was…

“Almost there, still a little too natural and expected, try adding more quirky crap.”

“We’re being ironical, deal with it!”

This makes me hate toys.

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Magnetic Putty Magic on PBS Digital Studios on Vimeo.

This super slick and oddly entrancing video of magnetic putty eating magnets has gone viral but I don’t think it mentions the creator of the magnetic putty (which I have a container of on my desk). Allow me to rectify this oversight! It’s from the mind and lab of our pal Crazy Aaron!

Get Some: Super Magnetic Putty! (magnet included)

Here’s a photo of Crazy A bringing down the house at one of our UsedWigs Live events at Word Cafe Live.

“Jeff Bauman was looking for his girlfriend to finish the race when a man in a white cap and sweatshirt dropped a backpack at his feet. The explosion cost Mr Bauman, 27, both his legs. It has now emerged that Mr Bauman helped the FBI identify a suspect’s photograph, telling the investigators that he looked in the eyes of Tamerlan Tsarnaev as he planted the bomb.”  More

DONATE

“We have created this fundraiser to raise money to help support our dear friend, Jeff and his family. As most of you know, Jeff was severely affected by the tragedy that had taken place at the Patriots Day Boston Marathon this year. Throughout this difficult time we want to help in every which way we possibly can to get Bauman back on track as soon as possible. *Medical bills are going to start rolling in, let’s get a head start on helping out Bauman and his family! Every dollar counts!”

DONATE

• Cool Ranch Gel
• Burning Man Day 6
• Microwave Burrito
• Poker Tournament
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• Pacific Coast Shark Attack
• Public Pool
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H. Jon Benjamin possesses my favorite voice in comedy. From Dr. Katz to Bob’s Burgers to Archer, his slightly beleaguered yet oddly seductive and confident delivery makes pretty much everything he says extremely funny. Enjoy this candid clip of Benjamin chatting with the Thing X website.

Check out a bunch more fun interviews with comedic types here: www.thingx.tv/videos/think-x/

What? You want more laughs? Well then, check out this Important Things With Demetri Martin skit where Benjamin playing a lascivious little Ben Franklin. Whenever I say “Let’s do this!” I channel him.

Lastly, check out his Comedy Central series Jon Benjamin Has a Van.