• Man was formed from dust; woman was formed from flesh.
• Man was placed in the garden alone; woman was brought to the man so they could be together.
• Man was created with a need; woman was created to fill a need.
• Man’s job was work; woman’s job was to help man with his work.
• Man’s job was cognitive/task oriented (name the animals); woman’s job was emotive/relational (meet the need of the man).
• Man gave woman her name; woman received her name from man.
• Man’s body was crated to give a seed; woman’s body was created to give life.

When was the last time you did this. Really?

Women need:

1. Unconditional love and acceptance
2. Emotional intimacy
3. Spiritual intimacy
4. Encouragement and affirmation
5. Companionship

Men need:

1. Unconditional love and acceptance
2. Sexual intimacy
3. Companionship
4. Encouragement and affirmation
5. Spiritual intimacy

I’m a fan. Forever.

Closeness – She wants you to be close.

Your wife feels close when:

• You hold her hand.
• You hug her.
• You are affectionate without sexual intentions.
• You go for a walk.
• You seek her out
• You go out of your way to do something for her.
• You make it a priority to spend time with her.
• You are aware of her as a person with a mind and opinions.
• You suggest the unexpected.
• You pillow talk after making love.

Openness – She wants you to open up to her.

You wife feels you are open with her when:

• You share your feelings, telling about your day and difficulties.
• You say, “Let’s talk,” ask her what she’s feeling, and ask her for her opinions.
• Your face shows you want to talk.
• You take her for a walk to talk and reminisce about how you met or about the kids.
• You pray with her.
• You give her your full attention.
• You discuss financial concerns, possible job changes, or ideas for your future.

Understanding – Don’t try to “fix” her – just listen.

She’ll feel you’re trying to understand her when:

• You listen and can repeat back what she said.
• You don’t try to fix her problem unless she asks for a solution.
• You try to identify her feelings.
• You never dismiss her feelings.
• You say, “I appreciate you sharing that with me.”
• You don’t interrupt her when she’s trying to tell you how she feels.
• You apologize and admit you were wrong.
• You cut her some slack during her monthly cycle.
• You express appreciation for all she does: “Honey I could never do your job.”
• You pray with her and for her.

Peacemaking – She wants you to say, “I’m sorry.”

She’ll feel at peace with you when:

• You let her vent her frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.
• You admit you are wrong and apologize.
• You try to keep your relationship “up-to-date” resolving the unresolved and never saying, “Forget it.”
• You forgive her for any wrongs she confesses.
• You always reassure her of your love.
• You pray with her after a hurtful time.

Loyalty – She needs to know you’re committed.

She is assured of your loyalty when:

• You speak highly of her in front of others.
• You are involved in things that are important to her.
• You help make decisions.
• You don’t correct her in front of children.
• You don’t look lustfully at other women.
• You make her and your marriage a priority.
• You are never critical of her in front of others.
• You include her in social gatherings when others may leave spouses at home.
• You tell the kids, “Don’t speak to your mother that way.”
• You call her and let her know your plans.
• You keep commitments.
• You speak positively of her at all times.

Esteem – She wants you to honor and cherish her.

Your wife will feel esteemed when:

• You say, “I’m so proud of the way you handled that.”
• You open the door for her.
• You try something new with her.
• You notice something different about her hair or clothes.
• You are physically affectionate with her in public.
• You choose family outings over guys things.
• you make her feel first in importance.
• You are proud of her and all she does.

Somewhat easy to remember too! CHAIRS:

Conquest – The natural inborn desire of the man is to go out and conquer the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

He will feel you appreciate his desire to work and achieve when:

• You tell him verbally or in writing that you value his efforts.
• You express your faith in him related to his chosen field.
• You listen to his work stories as closely as you expect him to listen to your accounts of what happens in the family.
• Allow him to dream as you did when you were dating.
• Don’t dishonor or subtly criticize his work to get him to show more love to the family. It rarely works.

Heirarchy – Appreciate his desire to protect and provide.

Your husband will feel you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when:

• You praise his commitment to provide for an protect you and the family (he needs to know you don’t take this for granted.).
• You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, rank, or being one-up or one-down, particularly at work.
• You are always ready to figuratively “lighten the candles,” as EV Hill’s wife did when they couldn’t afford to pay the light bill.
• You respectfully voice concerns about finances and try to offer solutions on where together you might be able to cut spending.

Authority – Appreciate his desire to serve and lead.

He will feel you appreciate his authority and leadership when:

• you tell him you are thankful for his strength and enjoy being able to lean on him at times.
• You praise his good decisions.
• You support his self-image as a leader.
• You gently and reasonably give your reasons for disagreeing with him, but never attack his right to lead.
• You are gracious and forgiving when he makes a bad decision.

Insight – Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel.

Your husband will feel you appreciate his insight and counsel when:

• You tell him upfront you just need his ear, dn’t complain to him later that he always tries to “fix” you.
• You recognize his problem solving approach as his male brand of empathy.
• You admit that you can sin and thank him for his perception and godly counsel.
• You thank him for advice without acting insulted or like he doesn’t care about your feelings.

Relationship – Appreciate his desire for shoulder to shoulder friendship.

Your husband will feel you value his shoulder to shoulder friendship when:

• You tell him you like him and you show it.
• You enable him to open up and talk to you as you do things shoulder to shoulder.
• You encourage him to spend time alone, which energizes him to reconnect with you later.
• You don’t denounce his shoulder to shoulder activities with his male friends to get him to spend more face-to-face time with you. Respect his friendships, and he will be more likely to want you to join him later.

Sexuality – Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy.

He will feel you appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy when:

• You respond to him sexually more often and initiate sex periodically.
• You understand he needs sexual release just as you need emotional release.
• You don’t try to make him open up to you verbally by depriving him of sex.

LOL.

Men spell intimacy S-E-X.

Here are some issues regarding men and sexual intimacy:

• A husband needs his wife to initiate sex occasionally.
• A husband often struggles with feelings of inadequacy or failure.
• A husband gets discouraged when his wife does not express her passion for him.
• A husband feels as if he’s not important to his wife when she doesn’t take time to make love.
• A husband becomes concerned when life situations (such as depression, grief, and loss) interfere with his interest in sex.
• A husband feels loved when his wife receives him and responds to him sexually.

When your husband’s need for sexual intimacy is not met:

• he feels rejected as a person.
• He shuts down or pulls away.
• He looks elsewhere to get his needs met.

Meeting your husband’s need for sexual intimacy:

• Talk to God about the issue.
• Start with your own heart.
• Learn what satisfies your husband.
• Commit yourself to meet his needs.

Women spell intimacy T-A-L-K.

You need to understand your wife’s need for emotional intimacy:

• Your wife needs to experience emotional closeness.
• Your wife needs to feel listened to and understood.
• Your wife needs to feel as if she is your top account.
• Your wife needs your undivided attention.
• Your wife needs you to demonstrate your respect for her as a person.
• your wife needs to feel a cut above other people.
• Your wife needs to know that she is valuable to you.

What happens when your wife’s need for intimacy is not met?

• She will withdraw.
• She will not feel free to respond to you sexually.
• She may look elsewhere to have her needs met.

How can you meet your wife’s needs for emotional intimacy:

• Listen to her.
• Show her an understanding heart.
• Give her attention and affection.
• Build rapport with her.
• Resolve conflict.
• Safeguard your relationships.

I find a lot of these things to be true – and they help establish a foundation of conversation with people.