Valerie at Home

An unplanned walk down memory lane

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Wed, 15 Aug 2018 02:07:00 +0000

Today we moved Kate into college to begin her sophomore year. She's got a busy schedule of mentoring, serving, leading, learning, building relationships, and just having fun. I have no fears for her, not really. She's proven that she's quite capable of succeeding mightily at this whole college life. There were no tears at drop-off, just happy good-byes and tight hugs as she went to relax before her first meeting and we drove the 2 hours back down the mountains to home.

Tonight I drove Lydia to her first official soccer practice of the new season. This new club team she's playing with practices sometimes at a field behind our local elementary. Instead of dropping her off, I chose to stay and walk a few laps around the park and school.

The school has been there for awhile, but there's a whole newish complex behind it with soccer and softball fields and a really fun-looking playground. It occurred to me that my kids would have loved it when they were little and suddenly they were there--two little shadow girls climbing and running and calling, "Mommy, watch me!"

As I walked around the complex, I saw Kate grow up again in my memory.

I saw her on the spinny stools on the playground that she both loved and feared, which was what made them so exciting.

I saw her in the kids riding scooters and bikes along the path. I saw her once again riding away down the street, finally losing the training wheels so she could keep up with the neighborhood kids.

I saw her grumpily walking around the parking lot as some in her 4th grade class had been talking yet again so everyone had to walk laps instead of play at recess. That was her one short foray into public school.

I saw her in the father and daughter walking out onto the field with a bucket of balls and a gear bag almost larger than herself. I saw her unconsciously poke out her tongue and wrinkle her freckled nose in concentration as she learned to swing for the fences.

I saw her in the teens as they raced after the soccer ball, ponytails flying in the gathering darkness.

And I saw her as they climbed into cars and drove away.

I am not usually one for nostalgia and each new stage is my new favorite, but tonight it was good for my mama heart to remember.

Thoughts on Adoption

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Fri, 03 Mar 2017 01:16:00 +0000

Last year, I was trying to help another writer understand the process of adoption as it relates to our adoption into the family of God. I ended up writing a whole essay on it and I wanted a place to share it publicly. So while this blog has been quiet enough for long enough that I don't know if anyone still reads it, it is at least publicly available. So here it is for your edification and reading pleasure.

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My daughter L is adopted.

God planted the seed for adoption in both Will and I before we ever married, but took a radio ad and a lot of time and consideration before we actually did anything about it. When we plunged into the process, we had no idea how long and complicated and demanding it would be. We started in September of 2003 and, over the next 2 years, we attended training sessions, read books and online discussion boards, got shots and tests, chased down documents from all over the country, persuaded law enforcement and doctors and notaries and social workers to go way out of their way to help us, and opened our home and our lives to investigation and probing. It was long periods of agonizing waiting filled with short spurts of frantic activity. It was decisions made by others halfway around the world and maddening delays that kept our child trapped in an orphanage while we fretted and waited and waited and waited.

Do you know what L was doing this whole time? When we began the adoption process, she had not even been born. While we worked to bring her home, she was growing, playing, learning, living her life as she knew it. Adoption was not a concept that she would have been able to understand. She did not know of her need for a permanent family. She had no idea what a family was and how much it could mean to her. In fact, if left to follow her own desires, she would never have chosen to be pulled from her familiar orphanage environment to be handed over to these strange people who didn’t look or sound or smell like anything she had ever known.

Eventually we got to the point in the adoption where we had an identified child. We had decided to go the special needs track and our agency had a list of 10 children. Each child had a gender, birth month and year, and a few sentences about their special need and we were required to choose and apply for only one. How on earth do you *choose* which one will be your child? After prayer and careful consideration, we selected the youngest girl because her age and special need of a heart defect would mean we wouldn’t have to redo our home study (and then we still had to redo it). The adoption agency approved the match, then for the next 8 months, we had a few pictures, a one page description, and a daughter living in an orphanage on the other side of the planet.

We knew little about L and yet we knew she was our daughter. God had arranged for her to be born to other parents half a world away, but he had always known she would be our daughter. We loved her without knowing her. She didn’t have to earn our love. There was nothing she could be or do that would have caused us to not complete the adoption and bring her home. The adoption was our idea. We did all the work, made all the efforts, took all the responsibility. Even after the adoption was completed, we still did all the work and took all the responsibility. When she screamed in anger those first few days, when we had to teach her boundaries, when we had to guide her to understand the correlation between actions and consequences, it was all on us. Even now, all these years later, we are still taking the responsibility and there is still nothing she could do or be that would cause us to break our promise to love and care for her.

Knowing and participating in the process of adoption has given me a much clearer picture of how God pursued and adopted me. God did all the work and took all the responsibility before I was saved. Before salvation, I had no understanding of what salvation was or why I needed it. True understanding was not possible for me. Like a child, I would have chosen what was familiar, too stubborn and uncomprehending to take the risk and choose what is infinitely better. God had to reach out and take me for himself.

If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. (C.S. Lewis, “The Weight of Glory”)

Even now that I am a child of God, my job is that of a child. God continues to take on all the work and responsibility. God does give me rules that are designed to keep me safe and I should follow them because things will go better for me if I do, but God doesn’t love me because I follow those rules. They are for my benefit, not for my acceptance. I still have a hard time remembering and believing that on a regular basis, but, like a child, I can rest in the fact that God will take care of everything.

The Great Room Swap of 2017

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Sat, 25 Feb 2017 20:20:00 +0000

The girls are switching bedrooms.

L's room is right over our bedroom and so we're regularly treated to thumps and bangs above our heads. K is quieter and moving out in a few months for college, so I bribed them to switch rooms by offering mini makeovers. I had promised we would work on this over their school's winter break and the time has arrived.

The had all kinds of plans and ideas and were checking out Pinterest. Look at this! Oh, this is so cute!

Then I brought them back to reality. They could negotiate between themselves as to who gets what furniture, but I'm not buying any. There are 3 beds, 2 dressers, 2 desks, numerous cabinets and shelves. Plenty to accommodate their needs without adding anything new from Ikea.

Then I gave them each a fixed budget. Everything they need or want has to come out of that budget and I am accounting for every single penny. The only thing I agreed to buy that didn't count against their budgets was paint.

At first they were all, "Yea! So much money!" Then they started looking at how much the stuff they wanted cost and suddenly they realized that the money wasn't going to keep up with their imaginations. They had decided to switch beds so they both need new bedding, which is more expensive than you think. Wall decor? Expensive. Shelves? Expensive. Even if you settle for the cheaper options, they still add up quickly.

It's been fun watching them figure out what they're willing to spend money on. We wandered around Target yesterday and a number of things went into the cart only to come right back out. Today, we spent several hours spray painting desk legs and bulletin boards and lamps because the girls realized that it's cheaper to paint your old things than buy new ones. And I had agreed to pay for paint.

The room swap that I wanted and the makeovers that the girls wanted have turned into a valuable life lesson in finance, in weighing what you want versus what you're willing to live with, in being creative and doing things yourself in order to save money.

So far things are looking good. Lots of white and pale pink and gray. Tomorrow we'll finish prepping the rooms for paint - moving furniture, filling nail holes, covering trim with miles of painter tape. It's going to be a busy week!

Growing up, up, and away

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Tue, 05 Jul 2016 20:35:00 +0000

It's 2016. Which means that my oldest child will turn 16 this fall.

16.

It's also going to be her senior year. Never content with ordinary, K has moved quickly through her school accomplishments and will be graduating early. When we first realized 5 years ago that K's projected graduation date would mean she would graduate at the age of 16, we made sure she understood that just because she was graduating at 16, did not mean we would automatically allow her to go off to college at 16. It would all depend on where she wanted to go, what she wanted to do, what the requirements of any scholarships or programs would require, and mostly whether we believed she was ready or not. After all, we have very vivid memories of our own time in college and we know what she's going into.

But here's the thing about K, she's a go getter. She's smart and she has sailed through this school stuff without getting stressed over being and doing everything. She has been involved in serving and leading in many different capacities at her school, but she also knows how to set boundaries and priorities and is comfortable stepping back and letting others lead. She's content letting others make their own choices while she sticks firmly to her own. She has known for ages what she wants to do with her life and has set a trajectory that will get her there.

Back in December, K forwarded me an email she received about a summer leadership program. I encouraged her to pursue it. Life is short and you should seize the opportunities that come your way. It was a daunting application process and there would be a whole lot of money she would have to raise to do it, but K dove in. She found people to be her nominator, her mentor, and to write recommendations. She planned fundraisers as she waited anxiously to hear if she had been accepted. They take only a very small number of participants each year and people apply from all over the country.

Then the email came saying that K had been accepted! She was going to be part of the Compass program through Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. She spent the spring taking family portraits for friends, designing and selling t-shirts, babysitting, asking for donations, whatever it took to raise the money. June 22nd, she boarded a plane to Boston where she was met by the Compass people, who then spent the first 10 days doing wilderness training in the Adirondacks. They're now back at Gordon College where they're spending this week studying theology, then they'll leave Sunday to spend 10 days doing mission work in Nicaragua. They'll go back to Boston for a few days, then K will head home July 21st.

It's been like a mini-preview of K heading off to college next year. She went off to a place where she didn't know anyone, knowing that those perfect strangers would soon be some of her closest friends. She went to try new experiences and learn new perspectives, to see if what we've taught her all her life still holds true under different and difficult circumstances. She is out of communication and away from everything and everyone she knows. We've only gotten to talk once so far and I wait anxiously for the infrequent blog posts from the program director to hear how things are going.

K going on the Compass trip has been a big topic of conversation among our friends and family. I was frequently asked if I was nervous sending K off for a whole month to backpack and travel all the way to Nicaragua. And I had to say no. She was ready and able and fit for the challenge. Sure, I miss her, but we've spent her whole life preparing her to fly out of the nest. How could I clip her wings now?

Talent versus hard work

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Tue, 10 Sep 2013 14:35:00 +0000

Both my girls are busy and active, just like almost every other kid in America. I firmly believe in keeping kids involved in *something* so they find a place to belong and have a place to be and things to do. It helps keep them out of trouble as they get older and it teaches them so many good lessons about goal-setting and hard work and how to work together with others and way to many other good things to list here.

The oldest plays volleyball, serves on the student council, and runs the social committee at school. The youngest is a competitive dancer. Recently the situation came up for both that emphasized a point that every child really, really needs to learn early.

When things get hard, you have to make a conscious choice to rise up and change what you're doing to meet the challenge.

K plays on both the JV and the varsity teams for volleyball, but she was frustrated that she sat on the bench for the whole last varsity game while others of her skill/experience level played. I explained that it's the same issue that her little sister is dealing with right now.

L is starting her 4th year on the dance competition team and she was frustrated that she wasn't chosen for any small groups this year while many of her friends who are the same age and have been on the team a shorter time got solos and duets and special dances. Her friends are all nice little girls and they didn't gloat (our studio director is also the kind that would not have stood for such), but suddenly the duet partners were new best friends, music and styles for solos were the topics of discussion, and the teachers were pulling kids into the small groups for choreography work. It was all brand new and it was all in her face for every one of the long minutes she spends in dance each week. Every day that first week or so, she came out of class and shuffled quietly straight through the crowded foyer and out the door.

It hurt to see my bubbly, dance-loving daughter so upset. When she explained what was going on and asked why she was being left out, I had no explanation to give except that I had told the director we needed to have a light year in terms of time and financial commitment (L did start private school this year) and maybe she was trying to honor that in the way that would best meet the needs of both L and the team. A perfectly reasonable explanation, but I wanted to make sure that was the case, so I went to the director and asked.

That's always the best way to handle it, you know. To ask rather than assume. After all, L is...bubbly...and I wanted to make sure she was behaving herself in class and the no special dances thing wasn't because she was being a pill for the instructors. I wanted to know if there was a problem I could help with or something that L needed to change. So the director and I met and we came to a conclusion that is a bit foreign in our "I'm so awesome and it's all about having fun!" culture.

L is a talented dancer. She has a God-given ability that has carried her nicely this far. She's very flexible and graceful and has mastered many skills with minimal effort. But this year, the director moved L and her whole group up a level. They've got a brand new crop of cute little bitties and suddenly L's group is having to meet some very different expectations. "Cute" isn't going to cut it anymore.

While L is a very good dancer, she's kinda stalled out on learning new skills. She has come to the end of her inborn talent and she has come to the end of her this-is-all-brand-new enthusiastic practice-all-the-things-wherever attitude.

This is not a good combination.

While her friends are working on skills at home, L has been coming up with every excuse as to why she can't. She can't practice in her room because Dad is working all day right underneath her floor. She can't practice in the loft because there's too much furniture. She can't practice in the garage because it's too dirty and Dad's car is parked there. She can't practice outside because the grass makes her itch. Sure, she still taps down the grocery store aisles and cartwheels across parking lots, but she doesn't have a fully-outfitted dance studio in our normal-sized townhouse, so she can't have a focused dance practice.

Do you see the common thread? *I can't practice* She looks for excuses and isn't mastering new skills while her friends, who find places to practice at home, are moving forward. Because things have come so easily for her thus far, she hasn't built a solid foundation of hard work. Sure she practiced while it was fun, but she hasn't learned to discipline herself to practice the same things over and over even when it isn't fun. She's never had to work at something hard for a long time and so she's never known the immense satisfaction that comes from trying and failing so many times and then watching yourself finally achieve the goal you want.

Her director put it this way - she needs to make a choice. Is she going to quit because it isn't fun right now? Is she going to be satisfied with just being okay? Or is she going to work harder to achieve the goal of getting those special dances in the future?

The thing is, this is about so much more than dance.

When you get to college and the workload jumps, which choice are you going to make?

When you get that first job and your boss sets difficult expectations, which choice are you going to make?

When your marriage hits a really hard time, which choice are you going to make?

I want L and K to learn NOW, to be able to say when things get hard, *I* am going to be willing to change what I'm doing and work harder to achieve the goal. Whether it's a special dance or playing time on the court or a job or a relationship, *I* am willing to do whatever it takes. And then not just be willing, but actually DO IT. Stop making excuses. Stop expecting others to change. Stop expecting others to see how great you are just because you exist.

Trust me, it's good to learn that lesson at 9 with dance or at 12 with volleyball when the stakes are smaller, because it only gets more important from here.

I'm liking this new schedule

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Tue, 03 Sep 2013 12:37:00 +0000

Having both my children in private school this year has forced a few schedule changes around our house. I have never been much of a morning person. When hubby and I got married, it didn't take long for him to learn that talking to me for about the first hour of the day was not a good idea. Any necessary information should be relayed in short sentences that did not require a response because anything more was not going to go well.

When I taught and our school started at 7:30 (and what high schooler did they think was going to be ready to interact with the world at 7:30 in the morning!?!), I went through a terrible time with a reactive form of arthritis that left me in pain for much of the time. When we moved and I quit working and could sleep until the child woke me up (and she loves sleep as I do), the arthritis quieted down and has pretty much disappeared. I firmly believe that being able to *sleep* has been my saving grace. The whole less stress and not being on my feet all of the blessed day has probably helped as well, but I really credit the sleep.

Since school has started, my alarm is set for most days at 7am. Early, yes, but not stupid hour early. And curiously, my body has adjusted so well that it's often awake and ready to go before my alarm ever goes off. And I'm liking getting the day started earlier.

On Monday and Friday, K and I leave about 7:30, pick up a neighbor, and meet up with the rest of the carpool. We load up a total of 6 middle and high schoolers and all their gear and I drive them all to school where we draw a lot of attention when kid after kid comes piling out of my car in carpool line. I then drive home where L and I get started with her schoolwork right away. I'm really, fully awake, I've had some caffeine, and we can get organized and going smoothly.

On Tuesday and Thursday, L and I leave about 7:30 and I drive her to meet her carpool. I drop her off then go over to Starbucks for a chai tea and I get to sit and enjoy a peaceful morning writing a blog post before heading into the rest of my day. I sorta, kinda promised a new friend that I would show up at a spin class at our gym on Tuesday mornings, so today's chai tea was smaller and I have to leave here soon to get a spot in the class. She and her husband go and just love it and when I mentioned that I had considered adding that to my Tuesday routine, I ended up halfway promising to meet them. Spin is not my favorite and I am so not in the shape needed to keep up, but I like the accountability and comraderie of having a regular class, so we'll see.

Wednesday is my one day of no alarm as someone else picks up Kate for carpool. I love the sleeping in, but I find that those days don't go as well, so it may be time to add an (admittedly later) alarm for that day as well. I like structure and *doing* and this weekend was a perfect example of why I need it. We had Monday off school and we didn't have a whole lot of schoolwork Friday and there was a party at school I ended up helping with, so my whole schedule was thrown off the past 4 days. I felt so lost the whole time and it was confusing trying to get Lydia's work organized last night and trying to figure out if she had everything ready to turn in. I'm still not positive we had everything done, but I was getting emails from teachers late yesterday with apologies because they were late with posting their lesson plans, so everyone was totally thrown off by the holiday. Maybe they'll be gracious with the fact that Lydia went off and left her Language Arts homework in the fridge this morning (we made cookies and cream chocolate bark for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory).

And I'm off to spin class. If you don't see another post from me on Thursday, come visit me in the hospital where I'll probably be laid up in traction.

The perks of being impatient

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Thu, 29 Aug 2013 13:31:00 +0000

I recently finished an Enormous Painting Project. A year ago (or maybe it was two, I claim memory loss due to old age and/or paint fumes), I painted a large portion of my downstairs in a beautiful creamy, yellowish color that looks like the pale yellow-white of real butter. And after a year (or 2), I still really love the color, so I had a dream of seeing that color on the rest of my house. The beautiful yellow cream with an occasional accent wall in a deep, rich color. I stared at the increasingly nasty builder white walls and dreamed. Until last week, when we had just started school and volleyball and were deep in the stress of starting the busy dance schedule, because that's the most logical time to start a major painting project (insert sarcasm here). But the project is done, I had fun doing it, and it looks beee-you-ti-full. The hallway and the stairwell and most of the loft are creamy yellow and the large back wall of the loft is a deep navy blue. I'll show you pictures next time, but for now I wanted to show you another project that I tacked onto the end of the Enormous Painting Project. The large back wall of the loft is a wide open expanse of navy blue. It's the perfect look for that wall, but it's a very large wall with no windows (it's the inside wall of our townhouse) and I just kept looking at it and thinking how it really needed a really large *something* on the wall. A month ago we were in the Ikea in Dallas and I saw an gorgeous piece of art that would look awesome on that wall.

Isn't that lovely? It ties in the blue from the loft and the fallish tones from downstairs. And it's HUGE. So I drove across town to our Ikea and...they didn't have it. Gloom, despair, and agony on me! Deep dark depression! Excessive misery! Ok, not really. But I was frustrated. I walked out thinking that I could just order the print or I *could* go next door to Hobby Lobby and see what they had. And I had a 40% off coupon there so it was worth a shot. I walked through the store and looked at everything until I found this.

Very awesome. Beautiful. Perfect. Except that it was way too small. But then I decided to go for a meandering walk all through the store and loaded up random items into my cart then hauled it all home.

I enlisted my oldest daughter's help between school assignments this is how you can accomplish what we did.

Mix up a few pale shades with white, brown, and yellow and blotch them around the canvas, don't forget the sides! Apply it thickly and the crazier the pattern, the more interesting your background will be. Then take a clean natural sponge and tap it over the entire canvas (including the sides) to blend and texture the paint. At the end, you can dip it in either a much lighter or much darker color and tap it lightly in a few spots. Then let this dry.

Next you need a couple of stencils. Spread some darker or lighter paint on a paper plate and dip your natural sponge in it. Place your stencil over one area of the canvas and tap the stencil in gently so it doesn't cover solidly. I used a border stencil over and over to create a big pattern then added a few other individual designs.

Now you need to paint in a few crazy bare branches. Make sure you've got plenty of horizontal-ish branches for your birds to sit on.

While all that dries hard, get online and search images for "bird silhouettes". Pick out a few that you like then print them out really big. Or whatever size you need for your canvas. My canvas is 36" square, so my birds are a little bigger than a single sheet of paper. Find some awesome scrapbook paper in the colors you want and cut the silhouettes out. Tip: Line up any pattern on the paper with the orientation you want of your bird. Make sure they're facing the way you want and that the pattern will come out lined up on the final artwork like you want. Once you've got the birds cut out, using a darker paint (I used a bronzy metallic here and in the stencils) and the natural sponge, tap around the outside edges of the birds so that it creates a shadow all around. Don't be tempted to skip this step as it adds so much to the final look.

When everything is dry, paste the birds to the canvas. I used spray glue and it works nicely to keep things smooth.

Now it's time to add the 3D accents. I used burlap flowers cut off the stems and some awesome ones I found made of swirled metal that were meant to be hung on the wall. These I just attached with high heat hot glue.

And you're done! We started after lunch and had it hanging on the wall before dinner. And it's awesome! I didn't have to wait to get it shipped, it's a great size for the space, it's all the right colors, and every time I look at it, I can think, "I did that!" And now you can make your own.

Keeping it low-key

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Tue, 27 Aug 2013 13:20:00 +0000

This morning I'm sitting in Starbucks celebrating a personal victory. I think my body is starting to get used to this 7am alarm life and I woke up before my alarm. I brushed my teeth, got dressed, and realized I hadn't heard any noise from the small one who had said she was going to set her alarm early so she could make a hot lunch to pack. I had heard something about the time I got up, but nothing since. When I yelled (quietly) upstairs, she popped her little bleary eyes over the stair wall and croaked that she'd be ready in a minute. Considering we had 7 minutes until it was time to leave and she had just rolled out of bed, I helped her with her lunch and I put the last couple of things in her backpack. We finally walked out the door only to discover that the one pair of shoes L has that fit and aren't flip-flops weren't on the shoe shelves in the garage. She disappeared back inside to look and I waited. And waited. And waited. Then I just called our carpool to say we'd be driving ourselves. We were 10 minutes after when we should've left, L still hadn't found her shoes, and I actually thought to make the best stress-free decision instead of my usual freaking out and making both of us miserable. So we kept our cool and Lydia remembered where she had put those darn shoes. I just told her she would now be setting her alarm 15 minutes earlier and resisted the urge to lecture. We made it to school in plenty of time and I got to stop at the cheap place for gas. Total win all around and definitely deserves a little Starbucks.

I think I've got this all wrong

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Fri, 23 Aug 2013 02:26:00 +0000

The small(er) one is off at school on Tuesdays and Thursdays now, which leaves me and (sometimes) hubby and the big(ger) one at home alone those days. Speaking of the smaller and bigger ones, L has grown tall for her 9-year-old self. No short Asians around here! And K hasn't grown much at all in the past year, which makes me think she might actually be done at 5'7 1/2". Which probably means that both of my children will always be shorter than me. Back to the Tuesday/Thursday thing. On Tuesday, I dropped L off for her carpool and then took myself to breakfast where I relaxed and wrote the previous blog post. I stopped and got groceries and spent the rest of the morning puttering around my kitchen where I made dinner and listened to music. While K was holed up in her room doing her schoolwork, I read a magazine and did my nails and just generally had a fabulous, relaxing day. Yep, this is the life, I thought, and I was already looking forward to Thursday. Today, I again woke up and took L to meet her carpool, then I came home and got right to work. Hubby was working from the office, so K and I created a playlist for the Sonos system and we rocked out to loud music while she did schoolwork and I painted the upstairs. For some reason, I just can't leave well enough alone. Instead of more relaxation and "me time", I decided yesterday that it was the perfect time to get around to that big painting project I had been planning all summer. The paint was waiting in the garage, the walls were looking dirtier than ever, and I actually had the time and energy and *need* to get it done. So out came the blue tape and the paintbrush and I got part of the hallway done last night - all the little walls around door frames that are ALL cutting in. And then this was my day today. - Prep and paint the larger hallway walls. - Look at the loft and decide to just keep going. - Move the TV and video game paraphernalia. - Prep and paint the half wall in the loft. - Decide that it's the perfect time to move the computer cabinet since hubby's not home to need wifi. - Move the computer cabinet. - Paint the wall behind the computer cabinet. - Well, I already have the roller out, so I should get as much of the window wall as possible without moving the couch. - Take down the blinds. - Prep and paint around the window and get most of that wall. - Get a text asking if I can pick up a friend's daughter. - Clean up and get in the car. - Grab quick lunch with really large drinks (painting and schoolwork is thirsty work!) - Pick up new paint color and more supplies. - Pick up L from school. - Pick up friend's daughter from summer camp. - Race home to change girls for afternoon activities. - Jump back in the car and go pick up another girl. - Deliver big girls to volleyball. (Other grandmother brought them home afterward.) - Go pick up yet another girl. - Deliver last 3 girls to dance. - Chat with moms during their short class. - Pick up Chinese on the way home. - Eat in blissful aloneness while the girls take their food to their rooms for their own downtime. - Go back upstairs and pull up all the blue tape and put the outlet and switch covers back on. - Vacuum where the furniture was and find lots of "lost" items. - Put all the furniture back against the freshly painted walls. - Pull all the furniture away from the last wall and a half left to be painted. - Decide that those last walls can wait until tomorrow! I guess I'm just not a sit and relax and be a lady of leisure type. Even hubby points out periodically that I have to *something* going on all the time. At least this something is useful and productive and will have the long-lasting effect of creating a lovely space for our family to hang out. And I love to paint, so it's a win all around. Then next week when I'm done, I'll take another relaxation day, then I'll probably be looking for another project.

Being late

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Tue, 20 Aug 2013 13:32:00 +0000

At 7:50 this morning, I dropped my youngest child off for carpool. Ok, fine, it was actually 7:51. I was ready in plenty of time. We even left in plenty of time. The problem was that everyone else in the area was also on the roads at that hour and traffic was Stacked Up all the way to my friend's house. I hereby pinky promise to leave the house at least 5 minutes earlier for carpool from now on. I hate to be late. I hate the rushing and anxiety I feel. I hate how grumpy I get with everyone who causes the smallest imaginary delay. I hate finally screeching into the parking lot and rushing through the door. I hate seeing anyone having to sit and wait on me. Do you realize how rude it is to keep someone waiting on you? What you have just said with your actions is, "My time and my desires are far more valuable than yours. You are not a priority in my life and you and your needs are not important to me. My promises to you mean less than an extra 10 minutes reading Facebook." Would you ever say that out loud to someone's face? I can't imagine anyone who would! But your actions speak louder than words. Now, people are usually incredibly gracious. No problem, they say. Things happen, they agree with a smile. I love that my friends are generous and forgiving on the (hopefully) rare occasion that I'm late to something. I find myself extending the same grace to others because I understand that sometimes traffic is bad or a child needs something important just as you're trying to leave. I truly don't mind waiting a few minutes. It's really just the people who are *always* late that test my patience. I know a number of people who are chronically late to everything. Everyone knows to add at least 10 (or 20 or 30) minutes to whatever time they said they would be there. They come breezing in with a smile, exclaiming "Oh, you know me! Always late!" as if it were some badge of honor or cute personality quirk. They get angry if you have started an activity without them or they make you derail and spend several minutes catching them up on what they missed. It is the ultimate example of selfishness. Now when people poke fun at me for being early to things (and it happens), I just smile. Yes, I'd rather leave 20 minutes early and have to sit in a parking lot reading, waiting until it's a decent time to go inside than run the risk of being 5 minutes late. When I pickup a friend's daughter for school, I make sure to give myself plenty of time to make the left turn out of my neighborhood through heavy morning traffic. I set my alarm early and have taught my children to get up and moving and be ready to go when I say it's time to go. There have been times in my life that I have set my clocks ahead a few minutes to trick myself into getting out of the house in time. I remind myself that being on time is showing respect. So next time you're meeting a friend for a movie or getting ready to herd your family to church, set an early alarm and give yourself plenty of time to get everything and everyone ready and out the door. Heck, set several alarms - one to get up, one 15 minute warning, one to get out the door, whatever it takes. Wouldn't it be nice to have a stress-free morning and get to school with everyone still smiling? To walk into Starbucks without having to apologize and explain why you're late again? Thursday when my alarm goes off again and I have to drive my youngest to her carpool, I'll have already packed her backpack and her lunch and reminded her of the dress code. We'll have located her shoes and we'll be ready to jump in the car at 7:30, just in case we have to wait even longer to make that left hand turn.

These are my people

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Fri, 09 Aug 2013 03:14:00 +0000

It's August and summer has flown by. School training and orientation classes have happened and now we're just waiting until the first carpool on Monday to get the official start to the new year. Training was very different this year than last. Last year it was the high-level *why* of Christian classical education. This year more time was spent on the nuts and bolts of how to survive in this particular Christian classical school. I see the value behind the theory stuff, but I'm more of a nuts and bolts, practical person, so I liked this year's training much better. There was also the distinct advantage of not being new anymore. I knew some of the other parents and most of the staff. I had an understanding of the ins and outs of how the school worked and felt much more comfortable this time around. Yesterday was my first time attending the elementary sessions and I'm a little worried about how *much* I'm going to have to do on L's home days. But it'll be great and if I just keep telling myself that, then it will be. Today was the secondary training and all the upper school kids came. The campus buzzed with the energy of 80-something teenagers who hadn't seen each other ALL SUMMER. Or at least since Tuesday night's volleyball dinner. K immediately disappeared into the crowd and I caught a few glimpses of her throughout the morning, immersed in a gaggle of her "besties". At lunchtime, she found me long enough to ask for the keys so she could get her bags for tonight's student retreat. Let me back up a bit here and tell you a little of what this week has been like. Both the girls have had commitments every day this week. It's a big dance week with team tryouts and rehearsals, so L has been at the studio everyday. K had student council and volleyball stuff and tonight's retreat. Add 2 days full of school orientation and my calendar looks like a spider web of who has to be where when. And did I mention that hubby had a fun opportunity and went out of town with his brother? I've been juggling everyone's schedules and it became clear to me early on that I couldn't handle the logistics of it by myself. The best part is when I realized that I don't have to do it all. Over the past few years, I've found a community of people who are happy to come alongside my family and lend a hand. The last 2 days, I dropped L off with a friend in the morning who gave her a ride to dance. K rode to the retreat today with a friend whose mom ended up taking 6 girls. Another mom friend is bringing them all back to school and yet another mom friend is bringing K home for me. When the last mom friend texted me tonight offering to bring K home tomorrow, I almost said no because I *could* go get her. I don't have anywhere else I have to be at that time and I didn't want to take advantage of this friend. Then I smacked myself over the head and texted back that it would be great if she could bring K home. She is going to be there to pick up her own kids and she lives just up the street. We trade rides for the girls all the time and it's not like either of us keep score as to who drives more often. I realized that I just felt like *I* have to be the one to do everything. I mean they're my kids and I do like sitting in the car after an event and talking about it with them. It's just that the whole trying to be Supermom is exhausting and quickly burns me out. Somehow I've managed to build a network of mom friends who are great at helping each other out, not just during emergency scheduling conflicts, but when it simply makes our lives easier. Like rides to or from dance just because it's easier to not get the little kids out after baths or it saves 15 minutes on the commute. The funny thing is, I didn't do it intentionally. It was a series of small gestures over the past few years. I've taken the time to get to know my girls' friends and their moms. I've offered to help others when I could and swallowed my pride enough to ask them for help when I need it. Suddenly today, I looked up and realized that I have a support network that's bigger than I ever thought. And that's a beautiful thing. So as this school year continues, I need to remember that I do have help and we can make everyone's lives easier if we lend each other a helping hand. I don't have to be the one driving to every away game (and K probably won't end up in therapy if she doesn't have a parent at every single game). I can arrange some carpooling with nearby dance friends just to make the rehearsal schedules more practical for all of us. I think that's one practical effort that will payoff nicely in the end.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Wed, 22 May 2013 22:40:00 +0000

There's a gentle breeze that causes the leaves to dance overhead. It's pleasant sitting here in the shade, watching the people pass by. There are kids dressed in leotards and tae kwon do uniforms that skip blithely across the street. There are quieter ones toting books to the tutoring center or hauling guitar cases as big as themselves up the stairs to the music place while someone bangs out a complicated rhythm on a drum set that can be heard through the open window. Women carry yoga mats or cupcakes and sometimes both. Friends laugh sitting around the many tables set outside of the various cafes. Whether you're in the mood for tapas and martinis or a British pub, you can find it here. I love this little neighborhood marketplace. It's an island of peace and refreshment in my otherwise busy days. School is finally, officially over for the year. Today I picked up Kate from her last day of middle school. The experiment that was university-model private school was a resounding success. She had a full and fantastic year where she wove herself seamlessly into school life with its friends and sports and academics and clubs and events. She loved it and is a little sad that she won't have her friends and her schedule for a couple of months. When she goes back, she'll be a high schooler, but thankfully at her little school there's not much difference between middle school and high school. On their class days, there's only 7th through 12th grade on campus and they all just hang out together during breaks. In fact, we loved our little school so much that Lydia is starting 4th grade there next fall on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She also had a good year, but she needs to branch out a bit from me. She's still highly attached and I think it will help her to have a little more independence. We're spending the summer catching her up to the math program they use, but she's so excited to go to school that she's already got a good start on her summer reading and math packet. Tomorrow starts our official summer and we're kicking it off with a quick trip to Great Wolf Lodge with friends, then camping for the weekend, then dance and volleyball camp and China Camp and Texas and training for school. We'll fill in the chinks with bowling and Carowinds and before you know it, school will start again. In the meantime, I'll sieze the occasional moment to come sit in this little marketplace and find some peace.

How to be the most awesome mom on the block

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Sat, 18 Aug 2012 22:14:00 +0000

Suppose you have 6 young children in your house. Unexpected children that somehow ended up there. Restless children who have tired of old dance costumes and loud music and are now trying to (destroy the house) find something else to do. Now you have to think of some organized activity to save your sanity and your stuff. Here's how to make them think you're the most awesome mom ever. You need a supply of pint-sized, regular mouth mason jars and a blender. Go to your fridge and pull out the milk and all the ice cream toppings you can find. We had chocolate, caramel, and marshmallow toppings. I also pulled out the orange juice and frozen fruit, but they were completely ignored. Give each child a jar and have them fill it up about 1/2 full with ice, 3/4 full with milk, then they can add whatever of the toppings they want. Screw the blade attachment onto the mouth of the jar. (Did you know that most blenders will fit perfectly onto a regular mouth mason jar?) Flip it over onto the blender and and blend it into a jar of creamy goodness. Remove the blade assembly, put a straw in it, and hand it to the amazed and delighted child. This activity will take up about 10 minutes. After which they will go back to the chaos of before, but at least you can console yourself with the fact that you have a reputation as most awesome mom ever.

Busiest. Summer. Ever.

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 02:51:00 +0000

3 months ago, we finished up our school year.

This Monday we started our new school year and I finally have time to breathe again.

Most people consider summer to be a vacation. A time of relaxation and family fun. Well, we had plenty of family fun, but I missed out on much of that relaxation part. I ran our church VBS, my family came to visit and we went to visit family, we went to China Camp in Oklahoma and dance nationals at the beach, lots of administration changes at church to help with and training at K's new school and dance try-outs and rehearsals and there's a whole year of third grade that had to be planned. Whew!

This week is the first time all summer I've actually stayed home long enough to finish all the laundry in one stretch. I cleaned out school books and papers from last year and have been slowly working on our school space for this year. I know, we already started school, but the space is still a work in progress. Hopefully by Friday it'll all be finished and we can feel settled.

School is...an adventure this year. We're entering our 7th year and no two years have ever looked alike. That's kinda the nice thing about homeschooling; there's freedom to adapt as needed to meet the different needs as they crop up. K wanted more interaction and I didn't want to teach Pre-algebra, so she's attending a university model classical Christian school. It's a small school with a very informal, student-led feel and they get to work from home two days a week. They also have a ton of extra-curricular opportunities. For example, K is playing volleyball this fall and the whole upper school is going on an overnight retreat tomorrow after classes. So far, it seems to be a great fit for K, but rather time-demanding. Hopefully, we'll get into the groove soon and things will flow well.

L is staying home for school this year. She's both excited and grumpy about this. She wishes she could go to school like K, but she's happy to get all the attention from mom. The promise of classes at our local nature center also made the homeschool choice more enticing, as she loves their programs. Our greatest challenge will be getting past her attitude of "needing" help with everything if I'm available. That and the fact that 3rd grade requires a whole lot of reading, which is not her strongest suit. So far I've only had to send her to her room to get hold of herself once a day and I think we can avoid even that if I force her to take a break. She'd rather work straight through and get school done, but she starts to lose it toward the end.

Now that summer is over and school has started, I'm planning to take some time to breathe. And maybe clean the bathrooms. It's sad when cleaning bathrooms is starting to look appealing, but it's a sign that life is settling back into a routine and I dearly need some routine in my life.

When it all hits home

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 01:47:00 +0000

My youngest is deep in the dance trenches these days. Her team is getting ready for nationals and they're spending hours and hours at the studio rehearsing and perfecting. They're tweaking the choreography and adding in new tricks the girls have learned recently. L, the human rubber band, finally achieved a standing over split, which was added to a routine.

What is a standing over split? Well, everyone knows what a split is. An over split is where you can prop one leg up on a mat (or 3 or 4) and still go all the way down. Sounds painful, but stick with me.

This is my girl doing a standing split.

Now, imagine that top leg extended further over the back and the head arched back to pretty much cross that leg. That is what she showed me today. I didn't know what she was going to do when she ran up and said "I want to show you something!" or I would've gotten a picture of it. Yes, it looked extremely painful and the human body should simply not be able to bend like that. But it is pretty cool that this one can.

After having a friend spend the night and them staying up way too late and getting up way too early, after 3 hours of swimming with friends, after 3 hours of dance rehearsal, and after stuffing herself with more chinese food than she ought to have been able to hold, L was still talking 90 miles a minute on the way home tonight.

"Mom, I know this is going to sound weird, but can I go around the neighborhood and ask for money?"

Why yes, sweetheart, that does sound weird. "What for?" I asked, waiting to hear what her reasoning for *that* request was going to be.

"For Penny Wars! N did it!"

Penny Wars is the latest fund-raising scheme for their dance studio. There are many, many reasons I love L's dance studio and this is actually one of them. You see, they don't raise money for themselves. Everything collected for the Penny Wars goes to support an orphanage in Liberia that the studio donates to all throughout the year. It seems they were talking about it again today and mentioned that the kids in the orphanage only get a handful of rice to eat each day. L relayed this information to me tonight and said that was really sad, that it must be hard to live in an orphanage.

"Well, you know you used to live in an orphanage," I reminded her.

And it got really quiet there in the back seat.

"I did?" L asked in a small, amazed tone. "I forgot. I mean, I don't really think about that time."

Just like that, a fund-raiser for unknown children in a far-away orphanage with only a handful of rice to eat each day became very, very personal.

So L would like to ask for your donations, your loose change, to help take care of children in an orphanage far away that may never be as blessed as she is to find a loving home. If you have anything to send, please do it. If you need the address, email me at valerie@thestranathans.com and I'll get it to you.

Do it so that one former orphan can bless one who still is.

They're sisters, not twins

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Wed, 30 May 2012 03:01:00 +0000

Tonight as I stared in the mirror and applied a little moisturizer to my face (my friend and I were just talking about wrinkles earlier), I noticed I was looking a little scary. Sure, crazy post-shower hair, no make-up, old no-longer-white tank top, but the thing that made me pause were the dark, furry *things* above my eyes. Yep, they'd reached caterpillar stage again.

My eyebrows can grow in heavy and black, a stark contrast to my pale skin and ever-whitening hair. They were doing their very best Brooke Shields imitation in spite of the fact that I just can't pull off that look. Oh, I've warned them many times, yet they persist in growing wild and thick. Now some people would just say that looks aren't important (so why do they bother wrapping presents nicely or decorating their kitchen?) or they might make an appointment with their faithful eyebrow technician to have them professionally shaped with waxing or threading or whatever the latest weapon is. I, however, would rather save my money for an extra chai tea latte and so I prepared to do battle myself. Armed only with an old pair of tweezers (that happen to work better than any new pair I've bought), I go in for the attack.

The best advice I ever got about eyebrows is that your left eyebrow and your right are NOT twins, they are sisters. Even if you try to dress them identical outfits, they won't look exactly the same. You try again and again to find a cute matching fashion that takes into account the style and identity of both sisters, and one unexpectedly shows up in striped knee socks because she's feeling a little punk today. For me, my left eyebrow is the "good" sister, the one who's easy and complacent and aims to please. The right, however, presents her own challenges. A scar runs along the bottom where a toy cash register fell on her as a preschooler. She's got some lumpy spots and her hair grows longer and thicker at the end. Yep, the right sister is full of personality.

Clean up that top, but not the other. Thin these hairs, but not those. Match the left arch to the right one created by the scar. Slowly, and slightly painfully, the eyebrows look a little less threatening. They still don't look like twins, but at least they match well enough and they won't scare off small children anymore.

Applying oneself

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 04:11:00 +0000

Well, we're heading off to a new adventure. The name of our new adventure is "private school".

I know, it sounds so...elitist. Private school. It brings to mind uniforms, sports cars, and luxury vacations. Well, let me just say that we didn't win the Mega Millions and our private school is rather more modest. Much more modest.

As you know, we've always done some version of homeschooling. Some on-line curriculum, a few outside classes. Our oldest did spend one semester in public school after years of asking when we let her go the last half of 4th grade. She liked it, got along just fine, learned she has a competitive streak, and decided it wasn't worth missing Disney World to go back the next year.

But now that same child is headed to 8th grade. Her work is getting harder and longer, requiring more...well, work...on the part of student and teacher. Her grades are slipping because she doesn't have anyone else around pushing her to stay on top. I'm having to relearn things like irrational numbers and the names and achievements of Spanish explorers. She complains that she doesn't have many friends (she has more than I do) and she wants to participate in school sports and activities. I complain that I spend half my time hauling her around to classes and activities and to hang out with her friends.

So we're mixing things up a bit and applying to a really neat little school nearby. It's a university-model school and she'll be taking the 4 basics - English, math, science, and history, plus 2 electives - band and either logic or world geography. The school also has sports and clubs and special speakers and chapel. The cool part is that the upper school (7-12) only meets Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, leaving the other 2 days for working at home and some of the fun parts of homeschooling like field trips and Community Bible Study.

K is very excited about the possibilities for next year. Excited enough to write an application essay and go through 2 editing cycles without complaint. Speaking of the application, I've decided that it's not the cost that keeps people out of private school; it's the application process. Informational meetings, interviews, recommendations, essays, and a stack of paperwork that requires research and thoughtful responses to open-ended questions. The application packet is finally ready to go after a long weekend of gathering and grading. Can you believe that they wanted an actual report card? Sheesh!

I have to admit that I'm excited about next year, too. K will be in school where someone else has to worry about teaching her why 2+2 could equal anywhere from 3 to 5 and she'll have the opportunity to do some neat things. And then there's L. Next year is 3rd grade, a pivotal year in a child's education and she and I will be doing it together at home. She has asked for a more interactive curriculum with projects and activities. I've always had her on a video program where she watches her classes and does her work, and it's worked well as her test scores attest, but we're going to try me teaching and focusing on her this next year. We'll use the BJU books for math and language arts and probably for science, but we'll supplement that with frequent classes at the local nature center. History will be more focused on unit studies and projects, such as creating lap books. We're also planning to begin piano lessons and continue with dance and Community Bible Study, so she will be plenty busy next year.

After all that work, today is an "off" day - the application packet goes off to the school, the kids go off on a field trip with the nature center, and teacher mom gets the day off of grading and applying and planning for next year. Now, what to do with myself?

Stereotypes

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 03:07:00 +0000

If you had stood outside the raging roaring river rapid ride at our local amusement park today at about 2pm, you would have seen 3 homeschool families.

The first family was quite a parade. In front was mama in the requisite denim jumper pushing a stroller. Lined precisely up behind her was a large number of stair-step kids, from smallest to largest. The boys wore jeans and the girls wore long denim skirts and they all wore matching navy tops. The one attempt at individuality was by a teenager who had added a straw cowboy hat. They made for a spectacle. Heavy clothing in near record heat, walking single-file in size order through a busy, crowded amusement park. In trying to dress modestly and avoid attention, they had unwittingly drawn it as you really couldn't help but stare. Now I can't say for 100% sure they were a homeschooling family, but I'd be willing to bet a whole lot that they were.

Homeschooling families #2 and #3 were a bit harder to spot. Moms and kids dressed in t-shirts and shorts. Pre-teen girls with messy ponytails and converse. Cell phones sticking out of pockets. Little kids running ahead. Teasing and laughter. These families blended in with the school kids on spring break so that no one around had a clue they were homeschoolers.

Is one kind better than the other? Who's to say?

I'm just kinda glad I didn't have to wear the denim jumper on the raging roaring river rapid ride.

Today's funny story

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 03:47:00 +0000

L had a dance competition this weekend. Since it included a 6:30 am call time in a city 2 hours away, we stayed in a hotel Friday night. Another dancer came with us and between the little girl giggling and the nightlight she had to have and the allergy-induced sniffles, it took L awhile to go to sleep. Then she woke in the middle of the night for a little while. Then she woke up at 5 when my alarm went off.

Needless to say, L was one tired kid

She plowed through the competition, though, and their very first dance of the morning even won the award for 1st place small group. After awards, we hauled the mobile dance closet to the car and headed toward home. A stop at a McDonalds/gas station scored us lunch and Benadryl for the perpetual sniffles. Shortly after she ate, she collapsed into sleep practically mid-sentence and stayed that way the rest of the trip.

At home, she woke up, stood up, and started gathering her stuff, so I grabbed my own trash and headed in. I set things down, chatted with hubby, and kept waiting for L to appear, but she didn't. I finally said she had either gone back to sleep or was crying over something in the car, so I headed out to check on her.

Yep, she was crying. One false eyelash was sliding down her face and the other cheek was smeared with eyeliner. She was a sorry sight. When I asked her what in the world was wrong, she sniffed and sobbed and the only thing I could make out is that she couldn't figure out how to get out of the car and it was h-oo-o-ooo-ttttt.

A perfectly capable, independent 8-year-old couldn't open a door she has used hundreds of times. Hummmnnn.

Lessons learned today - make sure L washes her face before we head home and maybe I should only give her half the dose of Benadryl.

This train keeps chugging along

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Sat, 17 Mar 2012 12:54:00 +0000

Both girls are gone today on a church field trip. Woohoo! I love my kids, but we could all use a little time away from each other. Them for learning independence, me for sanity.

So today started at 7 when the alarm went off and I got the girls and their friend up and ready and out the door. I love this age because that meant I turned on some music, turned on the bedroom light, and reminded them that needed to get breakfast before they left. Then I sat and read the Internet while they did everything themselves. Yep, this is the life.

After they left, I attempted to go back to sleep, but my brain was already busy with all the stuff I wanted to get done today. After trying to force myself to relax, I gave it up and am now at Panera with some hot cross buns, a chai tea latte, and my iPad. The rest of the day will involve a quick stop at Walmart, tie-dying some t-shirts, and painting a new picture of a blue gate. Maybe. That's the nice thing about today - there's nothing I absolutely have to do. Except go to work tonight. I'm filling in and teaching a painting class. It's a different teacher's painting and while I did help create it, that was a couple of years ago, so I'm kinda nervous about teaching it. Of course, my "kinda nervous" involves periodically remembering I have to teach tonight and a small twinge of nerves, then I forget all about it.

Then there's the temptation to go for a pedicure and a massage and continue the search for a cute comfy pair of sandals for my summer "go to" shoes. The sudden arrival of spring has meant that I've been traipsing around in my black ones from last year that are okay, but they're not well suited for extended periods of walking. I painted my toenails so they'd look passable, but a pedicure would look nicer. And I have my first 5k tomorrow and I think a massage would help avoid the sore shoulder that plagued me when I ran earlier this week.

Which reminds me. I signed up for this 5k two weeks ago. I wasn't planning one so soon, but it's a fundraiser for the sole guy in my youth group to help pay for his Young Life camp. My whole youth group (all 6 of us) agreed to do this together and I figured 2 weeks would get me further through the couch-to-5k program I'm slowly working my way through. A couple hours after I signed up for the race, I got sick. Nice. For the past 2 weeks I've fought this stupid cold. I've gotten in about 3 runs total with all the coughing and lethargy. The most exercise I've gotten is painting and cleaning my house. My house looks great, but I'm not really feeling ready for this race. Thankfully, none of the kids in my youth group have been training either so they won't be too far ahead of me, but they're in better general shape than I am. I guess we'll just plod along together in our matching tie-dye shirts.

If I decide to tie-dye today. I think the mall with its chair massages and shoe stores may be calling first.

I got the best compliment

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 21:46:00 +0000

A few days ago, one of my daughter's teachers stopped me after Bible study. "I wanted to tell you that you look are looking fabulous. It's not just your haircut, but you are just glowing lately."

Do you know how good that makes me feel? When you get a wonderful compliment from someone, it just lights you up inside. And honestly, I feel really great lately. I was trying to think what the change is and there are a few factors.

Last fall, I had a really bad allergy attack, ended up getting a high dose of cortisone or steroids or something, then had a glucose test come back on the extreme high end of normal. My doctor said it was probably the medicine, but he wanted to err on the safe side and suggested I lose weight. He was incredibly diplomatic about it, but I knew it was time. Besides that high dose of medication had performed an outright miracle and my 5 years of hives and allergy issues were suddenly and completely eradicated. I could actually stop taking the antihistamines that were slowing me down and causing my weight to balloon. Exercise became a possibility.

So I started the very day I got the test results back with a long walk. For 2 months I walked or used the elliptical at least 3 times a week. My glucose levels dropped dramatically and my doctor was shocked that a patient had actually listened and followed orders :-) Just after Christmas, I started a couch-to-5k running program. For a woman who hated working out and never saw herself running, I was doing it and really kinda enjoying it. I've continued the program on a much more drawn out scale as I repeat each week until I'm comfortable with that amount of running before moving on. It's Now March and I'm only on Week 4 of what's supposed to be an 8 week program. But I mix in other types of exercise and my goal is to exercise enough that it's a challenge, but not so much of a challenge that I start to hate working out.

Yes, I've lost a little weight. Yes, I've lost a whole lot of inches. Yes, my old clothes are far too big and I'm having to pull out even older smaller clothes from my stash (I only saved the cute ones;-)). But the biggest benefit of the exercise is that I have soooo much more energy now. I can go and do and not feel like such a slug. I'm up and moving and can keep up with my kids. That is a really awesome feeling.

Another thing that has recently changed is that I got a new haircut. I know, I know, that's so superficial, but just stick with me here. My hair is gray. I'm 38 and have a serious head of black and white hair. Lots of it. That grows fast. Coloring it just became too much of a hassle, so I let it grow out. It was getting long and boring and I just didn't really do much with it. I've long wanted to cut it into a really funky style, but my stylist sees large lady with gray hair and thinks way too conservatively, so it never came out like I wanted. So I found a picture online and took it to a new stylist who finally gave me the cut I wanted. And it was awesome. The perfect cut for my hair and my face and my taste.

The new haircut was a smashing success, but it actually required a few minutes of effort every morning to style. So I'd fix my hair, then since I was already in the swing, I'd pull out my makeup and put on more than the simple powder I usually wore. And my awesome hair was short enough that my ears showed and so I'd put on earrings. And since I was putting on earrings, I'd find a necklace or a bracelet or a funky ring. And with all that hair and makeup and jewelry, I couldn't wander around in sloppy clothes, so I started paying more attention to what I wore.

It was like a modern-day woman's version of "Give a mouse a cookie". I went from drab and okay to someone who looks like she cares about herself.

So that's the secret formula. Exercise and a haircut. Simple really and amazing how good those can make you feel.

Facebook statuses are too short

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 03:15:00 +0000

I know. One would think that it would take a big huge event to make me start blogging again. Something exciting. Something astounding. Something shocking.

Not really.

I'm painting. Not pictures right now, just walls. While cleaning my house a couple of weeks ago, I was horrified at the state of my walls. They're dirty, marked up, splattered with unidentifiable substances, covered in fingerprints. Dis.Gust.Ing. I've painted a few rooms since we moved in 3+ years ago, but most of them are still builder grade white. The last straw came when I tried to wipe an especially bad mark off the wall in the kitchen with an old green towel. The mark came off along with most of the paint but it picked up some of the green from the rag. Instead of a brown streak, there was a huge swipe of green. It was not an improvement. Builder grade paint is terrible stuff.

I decided it was time to bite the bullet, suffer the inconvenience and massive amounts of work, and just paint the house already. I picked out curtains and matched a general color and accent. Just 1 can of each to start. Then I decided I didn't really like the curtains, so I picked out different ones, but the colors will still work. I think. I haven't actually tried them together yet.

I started at the back of the house - the "breakfast nook" that serves as a craft room/painting studio/office/cat's room/ shoe closet. You can imagine how much stuff I hauled out of that tiny room. L finished her schoolwork in time to come down and help. She gamely did task after task, always asking if it was time to paint yet. After emptying the room, sweeping, washing the baseboards and walls, taking down the blinds, washing the light, filling the nail holes, taping off the trim, breaking for lunch, and covering the floor with a tarp, it was finally time to paint. It's amazing how much work must be done before you can get to work.

I let K and L both help, mentally squashing my perfectionist tendencies. I'm really picky about painting. No really, seriously, obsessively picky. K worked for about 15 minutes then declared that she was done. L stuck it out until she had to get ready for dance. We managed to get everything painted up to about 8 feet high then we had to quit because I ran out of paint. It was like throwing water at the Sahara. Those walls sucked up that paint in alarming quantities and I was using the good paint with a primer mixed in! There was no way that little room should have used that much paint.

One trip to Lowe's and a couple of lonely hours later, there's one coat of beautiful buttery creamy paint on the walls. I'm waiting for the paint to cure overnight, but it looks like the combined efforts of the girls and I have created enough of an uneven coverage to warrant a second coat in the morning. Then about half the furniture will go back in the room and a serious clean out of all the extra stuff will occur.

And then it's on to the kitchen!

An earthquake and a field trip

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 14:30:00 +0000

K has a project for life science to create a scrapbook of sorts with pictures and scientific names of different life forms. When it was assigned last week, she asked if we could go to the zoo to get pictures rather than pulling everything off the internet. After a check of the calendar (and the weather forecast), we picked Tuesday as the perfect day. We even invited friends of the girls and had a sleepover Monday night before the big field trip! It was so exciting!

The zoo trip was one of our best ever. First off, the weather was nice for August - hot, but not oppressive, especially as the zoo is located north of us, on a "mountain", and is heavily wooded. Second, because for the very first time I took only my camera and a small wallet - no stroller, no wagon, no heavy backpack. Just me. It was so liberating! Third, the animals were weirdly, oddly, awesomely active. In spite of the warm August day which would normally mean everything was snoozing in a dark corner, everything was up and moving and coming close, to the point of making eye contact. Even the nocturnal animals.

All that strange behavior could be explained by the fact that we had an earthquake yesterday. The NC Zoo is about 230mi from the epicenter and I didn't even feel it, but it might have agitated the animals. I've certainly never seen that much activity from zoo animals.

First there was the ostrich that was hanging out just below us, looking up and watching us.

Then the elephant that wandered over.

The bison came as close as their electric fence would allow.

And the polar bear was not only awake, but moving around and playing with a bowling ball.

There were many other examples - the bears that paced the back of their enclosure, the cute nocturnal cacomistles that were racing around their exhibit, and the owl that followed us back and forth, pinning us with his intense stare. It was definitely weird behavior, but it made for an exciting zoo trip.

The girls had a great time hanging out together and they learned lots of new things. The zoo had a great beekeeper who showed us the queen bee and answered the girls many questions. We talked about geysers and forest fires and Yellowstone National Park. Did you know the scientific name of the bison is Bison bison? I didn't either, but I won't forget.

K and her camera were busy and the others were very patient as they waited for her.

There are many things I love about the NC Zoo - the trees, the large natural environment exhibits, the beautiful and well-kept grounds. Probably all of that contributes to the thing I like least about the zoo - it's HUGE! I think it's a 5 mile walk if you take all the trails (which we didn't) and it's on a "mountain" so it's all up and down. It's so bad that at the summit, there's a sign congratulating you.

We were tired, but it was worth it.

L and her friend played and raced and posed and exclaimed over the "tiny elephants".

K chatted with her friend (because they're far too mature for such childish games) and got pictures of the animals and plants as well as the plaques that gave the scientific names. Now to get the pictures printed and scrapbooked and one more project is checked off. I know she wishes that every school assignment involved so much friends and fun!

Our Homeschool This Year

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie at Home) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 14:48:00 +0000

It's my friend Fiddledeedee's curriculum round-up! It's where we talk about the curriculum and structure we're using this year to educate the young minds around our house. I've been meaning to write up a beginner's review of our new curriculum, so this is the perfect opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.

You know, if I wanted to kill birds. Which I don't.

My first step in deciding our curriculum for this year was an honest evaluation of last year. Last year was a slacker year. For the kids and for me. I tried a looser approach to homeschool and I had great aspirations at the beginning of the year for more interactive, unit-based learning. More projects, less worksheets. More student-led, less confined to what some book said we had to do next. The fun stuff other homeschool families talk about doing all the time.

It didn't go quite like I thought. We got through the year, we learned things, and everyone did very well on their tests, but it wasn't our best effort. All that looser structure means much more work on mom's part to plan and gather outside resources and keep everyone moving forward. I wasn't really into all that. For this year, I knew that I needed to go back to something more structured for everyone's sake.

We'd done A Beka in various forms in the past and it had worked well for us, but the kids had decided they didn't like it. I knew the heavily structured approach was what we needed, so I offered them the Bob Jones curriculum. Same idea, different format. They fought it, too, but I pulled out my secret weapon.

I took them with me to the curriculum presentation.

Bob Jones became a shiny new toy. They got to see the sample videos, flip through the books, click around on the site and see the calendar and blog functions. And they got free homeschool t-shirts when we ordered. They went from "No!" to "How soon can we start?!"

L's first day of school was the last Thursday in July. K was off at camp, L had numerous dance commitments the next week, and I wanted a chance to focus on one kid at a time while we all learned this new curriculum. It was the best decision ever. L and I watched all her classes together and figured out the best way to organize all the books and manipulatives as Bob Jones 2nd grade has a ton of both.

K joined us on Monday and I could focus on her work. K is 10. Most kids her age are in 5th grade, K started under a late cut-off and is technically in 6th grade, but she complained so much about how easy all her work was that we gave her 7th grade work this year. It's all very confusing. In practicality, it means that her work this year is hard and takes a long time. There's a big jump from elementary to middle school and she's really not happy that school has suddenly gotten a lot more difficult.

Do you want to see what our school looks like?

Of course you do.

We do school up in the loft and I'm "school" enough that I make the kids sit at desks. My biggest concern was having 2 kids watching school videos just a few feet from each other. Mr. at Home solved the problem with big, puffy headphones which K uses most of the time and L uses only when I make her. I warned the girls that I was taking pictures and if they didn't want the whole internet to see their usual mess then they needed to clean off (and around) their desks. So yes, these photos are a bit staged, but at least it was good motivation to clean their desks!

Here's K in her corner. Her desk is generally pretty clean and she has been known to lean so far forward in her chair that she slides off.

On the other side of the TV is L's desk. Her desk took lots of cleaning (and her hair took lots of brushing) before she was ready for her picture.

While K is trying to get closer to her work, L spends a lot of her time trying to get away from hers. Like yesterday. L spent several minutes laughing at K for sliding out of her chair only to somehow step into the trashcan and send herself and all the crumpled papers flying across the room. It's like a circus full of clowns around here some days.

In a couple of weeks, all of our other activities will be going strong. K is in band and Science Olympiad, both the girls are doing dance, and all three of us are doing Community Bible Study. We're back in a local homeschool support group and we've got a number of field trips already lined up for the next few months. It's going to be a busy, full, and fun year.

After 3+ weeks of the BJU Press online, here's what I see.

Cons:

- It takes a looong time to do everyday. We used to be done by lunch and now the girls are working into the afternoon most days.

- There's lots of papers to check.

- L learned cursive in kindy with A Beka and has beautiful thin, slanted handwriting. BJU teaches a very simple, round pre-cursive handwriting that morphs into a babyish cursive later in the year. The curriculum demands so much more in every other subject and L was frustrated at first, but it is improving her printing, so we're sticking with it.

- The daily "What do I need for each lesson" is organized by course rather that by lesson and some courses number lessons from 1 - 170 and some list it by chapter and section, such as 02-08. The student log-in has checkmarks to show which lessons you've completed, but you can't see those with the parent log-in, so it's harder to figure out which lesson they're on.

- Did I mention all the papers I have to check?

Pros:

- Teaching. Time spent giving explanations and examples and great stories and fun puppets and cute skits and actor-portrayals. We didn't spend as much time on that last year and it's making a difference. Yes, it makes school longer, but they are understanding and retaining the information much better.

- Lots of practice. All those worksheets and papers that I complain about grading means they are trying out their learning and I can make sure they're getting it. They also learn how to stick to something until it's done right even if they don't necessarily enjoy it.

- Higher expectations. BJU moves quick and expects more of the girls than I would doing it myself.

- Plenty of parent involvement without being completely parent-driven.

- It's on-line. It's easy to see log in what they're doing and everything I need is right there. There's the answer documents and little videos just for mom explaining what the teacher is covering each day and all kinds of extras.

- It's more college prep than most of the other stuff I've seen.

So far, Bob Jones is working for us. I'm really liking it and I think the girls like it more than they'll admit. It's not as "fun" as other options, but they're learning much more with this one. It's been a steep learning curve with figuring out how everything works, but I think we've got it down and running smoothly now. I am glad we started in plenty of time to work out the kinks *before* all our other school activities start. I wouldn't recommend Bob Jones for everyone. It's a demanding, time-consuming curriculum for both parent and child. My kids are both smart and self-motivated which is perfect for this curriculum. If your child works slowly and whines every time he is required to put pencil to paper, this curriculum will drive you both batty. If he takes longer to grasp concepts, you will want a curriculum that allows more flexibility of timing. If you need something portable or you're on the go a lot, you'll find this confining. However, if you and your kids need structure and accountability and challenge, this is a great option.

To read about more homeschools and the way they do things, go to http://www.fiddledeedee.net/2011/08/18/curriculum-round-up-2011/ and follow the linky!

Homeschool T-shirt giveaway

noreply@blogger.com (Valerie) — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 18:23:00 +0000

When we ordered our curriculum for school this year, the curriculum specialist gave each of the girls a homeschool t-shirt. K was immediately in love with the idea of t-shirts! for homeschool! She wears that new shirt often.

Today in my email, I got a notice about a contest for a company that makes homeschool t-shirts of all kinds and I knew I had to enter. And will probably be ordering some shirts from them in the future. If you're a homeschooler and would like to enter, too, you can go to http://www.wellplannedday.com/contest01.php and enter for yourself. We can all show our support for homeschooling!

And, you know, explain why our school-age kids are running all over town during school hours.