alancreech

a litany for all saints

2009-11-01T07:24:53-08:00

I want to name a few people who are not in this realm of existence any more, but who (I am confident) are with God in a fullness of Life that we cannot truly understand at this point. Not all of them are officially "canonized" - they don't have to be. I often ask my siblings in the heavenly arena to pray for me, for us. Our connection with them has not ended. The Communion of Saints includes both them and us. So here is my own personal litany...

Camilla Bauer - Pray for us
Killian Mooney - Pray for us
Matthew Fogarty - Pray for us
Jennifer Palmer - Pray for us
Mark Palmer - Pray for us
Chad Canipe - Pray for us
Thomas Merton - Pray for us
Patrick of Ireland - Pray for us
Columba of Iona - Pray for us
Francis of Assisi - Pray for us
Benedict of Nursia - Pray for us
Teresa of Avila - Pray for us
John of the Cross - Pray for us
Mary, Blessed Mother of God - Pray for us

Pray for us, our siblings, that we would see as clearly as you did, that our ears would be open to hear the Voice of God as yours were, that we would be filled with strength and Grace and courage as you were. Amen.

the real work

2009-10-23T21:37:20-07:00

I've not nearly read enough of Wendell Berry. I have some, and what I have, I have liked a good bit. It connects with me, and you know how that is - not everything every other man writes does that. So I need to get me some more Berry.

Just tonight I saw this poem, which I have never read before, on a site. As I read it, I thought I may have been reading my own self. I'm not even sure what to say about it exactly - just wanted to share it. Yeah, this might be me a bit.

The Real Work
It may be that when we no longer know what to do
we have come to our real work,
and that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed.
The impeded stream is the one that sings.
-Wendell Berry

dark night 1:5:3

2009-10-22T21:24:32-07:00

One more quote from St. John of the Cross - Book 1, Ch. 5 of Dark Night of the Soul - verse 3 - getting into how we view our own journey of spiritual growth.

"There are others who are vexed with themselves when they observe their own imperfectness, and display an impatience that is not humility; so impatient are they about this that they would fain be saints in a day. Many of these persons purpose to accomplish a great deal and make grand resolutions; yet, as they are not humble and have no misgivings about themselves, the more resolutions they make, the greater is their fall and the greater their annoyance, since they have not the patience to wait for that which God will give them when it pleases Him; this likewise is contrary to the spiritual meekness aforementioned, which cannot be wholly remedied save by the purgation of the dark night. Some souls, on the other hand, are so patient as regards the progress which they desire that God would gladly see them less so."

This is not exactly the same as scrupulosity, but it's similar and I'd say, related. Those of us who beat ourselves up over every tiny little "infraction" are dealing with the far end of the pride stick. The expectation of quick perfection in the spiritual life is a disastrous thing. First of all, it's a sure-fire recipe for being miserable - ALL the time. And it may even get to the point of rooting us right out of any kind of faith life. I guess that means we can actually beat ourselves to death - sort of.

"...so impatient are they about this that they would fain be saints in a day." I'll not go into different ideas of what a "saint" is. I think we're talking about a perfected human person here, re-made into the Image of Christ. So, if someone has the idea, for example, that once you know all the right beliefs, have studied all the right doctrine, etc., that you then "have no excuse" and are immediately able to always make the right decisions - uuuhh, you're in for a ride folks. This is not to understand the concept of spiritual development, formation - not understanding that simply because one is now a Christian, that one has (in a Catholic context for instance) gone through RCIA or CCD classes, any other Confirmation classes - this doesn't mean that one's insides have been transformed into the kind of "insides" that see as God sees, think as God thinks and act as God acts. None of that means that you are able to fully participate in your sharing of the Divine Nature as a Child of God. It's not just about making your mind up and deciding something.

Many young Christians (not just "young" chronologically) are done the disservice of being taught in this way. We simply do not seem to be telling people that this whole Christian "thing" is about being transformed into fully Human Beings (capitals on purpose) - into the kind of people He created us to be in the beginning. We do not seem to be telling people that simply because you know the "rules" doesn't mean you have the constitutional ability to follow them - oh, and that it's really not about following rules - Lord God have mercy. Tell people this, those who have a place to tell them. Please tell them that knowledge is not growth. Tell them that believing right things is not equal to being a right person. Tell them.

st. theresa of avila > prepare your will

2009-10-15T20:26:58-07:00

Today is the feast day of St. Theresa of Avila. I've admired her writing and insights for a while. Mostly in Interior Castle. The concept she develops there of our lives as Christians being like being invited into the great castle of our King - our trip from the outer entry rooms, through to the inner rooms, and finally into the central chamber where the King Himself dwells - this has helped to form my own ideas of what the spiritual life is, how it works. Very helpful.

I can look back on several things I've written and see the influence very clearly. I hear it in how I talk about these things sometimes. God most definitely uses the other members of the Body of Christ to build us up, to teach us, inspire us. He gives us pieces of Himself through our siblings, and to them through us. He is slowly weaving us all into one unified cloth. In order for this to work properly, though, we have to be listening, paying attention.

Here are a couple or three good quotes that I have underlined in the past in Interior Castle - have fun...

"All that the beginner in prayer has to do - and you must not forget this, prepare himself with all possible diligence to bring his will into conformity with the will of God."

"Yet do not suppose God has any need of our works; what He needs is the resoluteness of our will."

"...although this work is performed by the Lord, and we can do nothing to make His Majesty grant us this favour, we can do a great deal to prepare ourselves for it."

Speaking of our union with God in that last small quote. The others, and the last quote, speak of our cooperative part in the process, which is not as we sometimes suppose. I've thought and said before, that really, all we are able to do, is to will to will the Will of God. I say "will to will" because we can't even grunt up the basic will to be in union with God on our own, without His Grace. But from the general, or prevenient (it is sometimes called) Grace given to all men, we are able to sense the Grace of God and, on a very base level, react to it - we can will to will His Will... and He moves... and the journey continues to it's completion.

So, we ourselves, don't do the actual work of transformation in our own selves. We cannot. He alone can do this work. We can do things to prepare for His working, though, and we should. We are doing that which helps to open our wills. We are stepping into the flow of the Great River, as it were. Thank you, St. Theresa, for listening in order to hear as clearly as you did - for passing those things onto us, your siblings in Christ. Pray for us, that we would hear and see and be even more.

dark night 1:5:2

2009-10-14T15:07:48-07:00

More from St. John of the Cross - Book 1, Ch. 5 of Dark Night of the Soul, today, verse 2 - this one goes to meddlin'...

"There are other of these spiritual persons, again, who fall into another kind of spiritual wrath: this happens when they become irritated at the sins of others, and keep watch on those others with a sort of uneasy zeal. At times the impulse comes to them to reprove them angrily, and occasionally they go so far as to indulge it and set themselves up as masters of virtue. All this is contrary to spiritual meekness."

Oh my. "All this is contrary to spiritual meekness." Let's allow that sentence to sink in a bit.

I have seen this. I've probably done it. It almost seems like there is an epidemic of this kind of thing running through the Body of Christ. It seems like some take it on as a job - being irritated by the sins of others and keeping watch on them, and of course, fixing them - never mind the fixing, punishing will do.

What are we accomplishing when we do this?

I'm convinced that it really stems from a desire to see one's self as good. So any "light" that can be shone on the darkness of others only serves to make whatever "light" we have seem brighter - to us - perhaps we might think, to God as well. We would be wrong.

What are we doing?

Many times, I notice the "sins" of others that are so irritating, so worth keeping watch on, are no sins at all. Imperfections (as St. John puts it), perhaps. Maybe not even that. And even if they are sins, how does Love act? What IS our job in the spiritual life, really, primarily?

If I was pushed for a short answer, I'd say, "to love God - to love people - that is all."

Let us pray: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour, have mercy on me, a sinner. Amen.

dark night 1:5:1

2009-10-13T12:09:48-07:00

I thought it might be helpful to share a bit of St. John of the Cross this week. I'll go through Book 1, Ch. 5 of his Dark Night of the Soul, beginning today with verse 1...

Of the imperfections into which beginners fall with respect to the sin of wrath.

By reason of the concupiscence which many beginners have for spiritual consolations, their experience of these consolations is very commonly accompanied by many imperfections proceeding from the sin of wrath; for, when their delight and pleasure in spiritual things come to an end, they naturally become embittered, and bear that lack of sweetness which they have to suffer with a bad grace, which affects all that they do; and they very easily become irritated over the smallest matter–sometimes, indeed, none can tolerate them. This frequently happens after they have been very pleasantly recollected in prayer according to sense; when their pleasure and delight therein come to an end, their nature is naturally vexed and disappointed, just as is the child when they take it from the breast of which it was enjoying the sweetness. There is no sin in this natural vexation, when it is not permitted to indulge itself, but only imperfection, which must be purged by the aridity and severity of the dark night.

Now, if you can get past the flowery language that belongs to an English translation of 16th century Spanish, this is very, very good stuff. I'll say, first, that many of us, in reading this, should not dismiss ourselves so quickly because he is writing about "beginners." We may not think of ourselves as beginners in the faith. Perhaps we have been in Christ for a long time, as "time" goes, and have even fervently believed and grown in love for Him. Still there may be many ways in which we are all yet "beginners."

I'll go on to sort of define terms a bit: Consolations = Feelings and sensations of God working in our minds, hearts, souls, bodies - maybe an overwhelming feeling of being loved which causes us to cry, become weak in the knees, tremble - maybe God allows us to feel as if we are gathered up in His arms, and we feel this very acutely - perhaps even on to something like an ecstatic state in which we hear and see Him and His words very clearly. Many of my charismatic brothers and sisters will understand some of this. But one need not be "a charismatic" to experience God in this more tangible way in the senses.

Here's the thing though, and part of what St. John is getting at: Certainly these things may happen as we pray or at other times - God may allow them to happen in order to help us at certain times for certain reasons. As with the example of the young child being weened off it's Mother's breast, we should grow to understand that these things, themselves, are not God, and are not necessary in our spiritual life. We should grow not to depend on having these sensory feelings or experiences of God in order to believe that, for instance, He is with us, helping us, teaching us, working on us, loving us. Ideally, we will grow into a maturity that knows these things at all times, without the constant aid of consolations.

More to come about how some of us (yes, maybe even YOU or ME) get really upset when we don't get us some consolations - or even worse, take it out on others. Stay tuned...

rainy day thoughts

2009-10-08T13:47:18-07:00

These are always kinda dangerous, but oh well. I'm going to include at least a couple of links to other blog posts here as well - thanks to those who posted them...

Praying the Office in the morning does not guarantee that you won't do something stupid in the afternoon.
Here's a quote my friend, Paul Fromont, posted from Chris Erdman's book: “So, Christopheros, Christ-bearer, you are to ‘be their example, not their legislator,’ as the hermit said. Be a saint among your people—not their manager, their ruler, their judge, even their leader. Christopheros, find that way and you will be free to hear the voice of God, and so will they. Watch, and pray that you may not be tempted to play God.” This statement, this "word" heard by Erdman, rang a bit louder than normal in my own internal ears as I read it. My Confirmation name is Christopher, so I heard it as to myself.
As much as we'd like to think the encouragement of the second Vatican Council about the concept of Vocation was effective and has influenced the Church, I'm afraid we have a long way to go. The idea that Vocation isn't only about Priesthood and the Religious life - that the Vocation to life as a married person, or as a Spiritual Director, perhaps, as a married person - this idea is far away from the minds of a good many Catholic Christians. The idea that a collar or a habit makes one more inherently holy than a regular old lay person is repugnant to the deep desire of God for the transformation of all people into the Image of His Son.
Brother Thom, over at Ad-Dominum, put up a nice post inspired by the reading from Monday's Evening Prayer: "Do not, my brothers, speak ill of one another. The one who speaks ill of his brother or judges his brother is speaking against the law. It is the law he judges. If, however, you judge the law you are no observer of the law, you are its judge. There is but one Lawgiver and Judge, one who can save and destroy. Who then are you to judge your neighbor?" - James 4:11-12 - Speaking ill of our siblings, judging our siblings in Christ. Perhaps, worse, calling them not our siblings - not only judging but pronouncing sentence. We've all done it to some degree. God help us.
I like taking black & white photography a lot. I love finding the contrast. I love how ordinary things become dramatic. I've been on a kick lately. Connected to that, you know, I hate colorized, black & white movies. It never looks right. Most of these movies, as well, were made in black & white on purpose even waaaay back then. Partly because of expense, but also for artistic reasons. It makes me think of The Wizard of Oz, made in 1939 - part of it is in black & white, part in color - originally, they made it that way on purpose, in 1939. Anyway, you see what I'm saying.

francis

2009-10-04T12:07:54-07:00

Today is the feast of St. Francis of Assisi. I had forgotten until I was reminded. Just this week, I had been scanning through a small book of selected writings I have of his and St. Clare's, and found a great prayer he wrote, inspired by the Our Father. I was thinking, "this would be a good thing to put on the blog," and here we are, the day of St. Francis, perfect excuse.

St. Francis has always been, it feels like to me, one of my "patrons." My Confirmation name is Christopher. We're not even sure he was a real person. I like the concept of being a "Christ carrier" though. Sometimes I don't carry Him very well. He carries me much better - for that I am grateful. Honestly, I think Francis was a leeeetle bit crazy, but you know, we love him anyway. He was certainly a fool for Christ. We could all do with a being more of that kind of crazy.

I am inspired by his great love for God and for people, by his seeming total abandonment to God's transformative power in his life. The mountain and valley style of monastic life he set up with his little brothers is also a source of inspiration for me. Go up in the hermitage in the woods for a while, be built up, then go down to the streets and let the Life of God in you, be poured out to others. That's good stuff. Alright - here's the prayer...

O our most holy Father:
O our Creator, Redeemer, Consoler, and Savior
Who art in heaven:
In the angels and in the saints,
enlightening them to love, because You, Lord, are light
inflaming them to love, because You, Lord, are love
dwelling in them and filling them with happiness
because You, Lord, are the Supreme Good, the Eternal Good
from Whom comes all good
without Whom there is no good
Hallowed be Your name:
May our knowledge of You become ever clearer
That we may know the breadth of Your blessings
the length of Your promises
the height of Your majesty
the depth of Your judgments
Your kingdom come:
So that You may rule in us through Your grace
and enable us to come to Your kingdom,
where there is an unclouded vision of You
a perfect love of You
a blessed companionship with You
an eternal enjoyment of You
Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven:
That we may love You with our whole heart by always thinking of you
with our whole soul by always desiring You
with our whole mind by directing all our intentions to You and by seeking Your glory in everything
and with our whole strength by spending all our energies and affections of soul and body in the service of Your love and of nothing else
and may we love our neighbors and ourselves
by drawing them all with our whole strength to Your love
by rejoicing in the good fortunes of others as well as our own
by sympathizing with the misfortunes of others
and by giving offense to no one
Give us this day:
In memory and understanding and reverence
of the love which our Lord Jesus Christ had for us
and for those things which He said and did and suffered for us
Our daily bread:
Your own beloved Son, our Lord Jesus Christ
And forgive us our trespasses:
Through your ineffable mercy
through the power of the Passion of Your beloved Son
together with the merits and intercession of the blessed Virgin Mary and all Your chosen ones
As we forgive those who trespass against us:
And whatever we do not forgive perfectly
do You, Lord, enable us to forgive to the full
so that we may truly love our enemies
and fervently intercede for them before You,
returning no one evil for evil
and striving to help everyone in You
And lead us not into temptation:
Hidden or obvious
sudden or persistent
But deliver us from evil:
Past, present, and to come
Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever. Amen.

but bestows favor on the humble

2009-10-02T08:34:33-07:00

And all of you, clothe yourselves with humility in your dealings with one another, for: "God opposes the proud but bestows favor on the humble." -1 Peter 5:5b

This was the beginning of the reading for Evening Prayer on Wednesday. These direct instruction passages make you think. This one is very important I believe. Tucked back in the back of 1st Peter - a very central thought. Relationships with others. How to "be" as a human being as you deal, as you will constantly, with other human beings.

It can be taken, I suppose, as merely a command to obey, and if you don't obey it, you'll get the hard side of God on the back of your neck. That would be an unfortunate way to look at this statement (or any for that matter). One would expand such a statement and ask questions: Do you want to be close to God or far away? Would you rather be who God created you to be or some twisted other thing? Do you understand this whole thing? Do you get that it's about the utter and complete transformation of your being and not just about you doing the right thing or being right or being good? One could ask those questions of the hearer - of us all.

I thought: If you're always thinking, "I am humble in this situation, he's the prideful one," and you just know that God is favoring you or your side and "opposing" the other - if that's you, you probably don't know what humility is. If you're looking for His favor as some kind of reward for your having been humble, and His active opposition to the other as some kind of punishment for their having been proud, you should see yourself as at the bottom of a very high mountain.

If we have figured out "how to be humble" in order to be on God's good side - "See! See me Lord! I am a humble man! Give me your favor - you said!" You see yourself being what you believe is good and you try to shine the spotlight of yourself to heaven, so God will see you too. HE sees. He sees much deeper than our supposedly good actions. He knows the deep intentions of our hearts. We think we know them. If He exposed them to us as they really are, I think we would be destroyed by what we saw and heard. Humility.

"Change me, O God. Make me into the Image of Your Son!"

Let this be our prayer. Better, often, if we shut our mouths and lie down - throw dirt on our heads. Better we apologize when we feel we have no need to. Jesus had no need to die on a cross either - not for Himself. Better we forget what others have done to us and remember only what we have done, and lift that up to the Father in His great Mercy. Better we stop trying to find ways of showing how good we are, to other, to ourselves, or to God. Better we simply do as the Scripture passage continues...

So humble yourselves under the might hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time. -1 Peter 5

And I imagine it would be best if we didn't get too excited about what the "exalt you" business means or we'll be right back where we started from. God help us. Lord have mercy on us. Fill us with Your Grace, Father.

his head shakes

2009-09-14T19:01:46-07:00

I found a link to the site that contains these words on another site. I will not link to the site - just not going there. And this blog post won't be long, but my fingers would not stay away from the keyboard on this one...

"We will live for the Constitution and we will die for the Constitution, for we know that it was inspired of God for all of his Children."

I can hardly conjure words for this. "...inspired of God..." - seriously? Unbelievable. And I'm sure most of the people who are connected to this business are Christians. I'll not go into judging whether they are or not - that's not my job. I'm not even thinking about that - we can all be wrong. But seriously people - it's just wrong. Wrong.

I know, on the Constitution part, many feel differently - I fully realize that. That's been debated in the Christian community for 2,000 years. As for myself, though - I will NOT live for any constitution. I will NOT die for any constitution, or kill for one for that matter. I can't find words strong enough for calling such a document "inspired of God," for believing such a thing.

Things are getting a little out of control - just a little bit.

little things

2009-09-13T13:32:34-07:00

Sitting in the study, waiting a few more minutes before we leave for Mass. Most of the morning was spent staining our deck out back. It's certainly not turning out as well as we had hoped. I have learned not to believe what it says on those cans about how many square feet a gallon will cover - not even close. I have learned to buy way too much and mix them all together to it's all the same color tone - yes, a bit more patchy than my particular nature likes things like that. So, I'm in a state of frustration that won't seem to go away. I'd say something like, "I'm sure it'll look great once it's all done," but I'm not sure, therefore, here you go. I know this blog post is really about nothing at all, but it's what's rolling around here right now.

What do you do when you feel this way and it's time to go to Mass? Well, you go. There's something.

I've been trying to pray this prayer every day. Every since I ran into on a cool holy card with an icon of Jesus on the back, it has stuck with me as something I need to pray.

St. Ephram's Prayer
O Lord and Master of my life,
take from me the spirit of laziness,
meddling, ambition and vain talk.

But give me a spirit of prudence,
humility, patience and love.

Yes Lord and King,
grant me to see my own sins and faults
and not to judge my brother.

For You are Blessed Forever and ever.
Amen.

Jesus my everything > well, not really

2009-08-30T18:22:22-07:00

Tonight at Mass, we sang a worship song called Jesus My Everything (by Matt Maher). It's a good song. I like it. It was our first Communion song. As we were singing, I found myself unable to sing part of it. I know the point in the song - not saying anything against it, but tonight, for me, it was very "bright" to me, that no, Jesus is not my everything - and I just couldn't sing it, not that part.

I'll share part of the song here, and as I read it now, the rest of it, it kind of comes together... Oh, and let me say this: I am NOT trying to start any kind of debate about music styles in church, Catholic or otherwise and will NOT entertain any comments in that vein.

Cause you are my everything,
you are the song I sing;
I'd do anything for you.
Teach me how to pray, to live a life of grace,
I'll go anywhere with you; Jesus, be my everything.

Lord I get so tired of the struggle within.
I settle in complacency
and I'm weighed down in my sin
So lead me past emotion
cause they change with the wind.
I want to be a true disciple
to daily choose your hand.

Like I said, it's good in the whole and I'm not even criticizing the song at all. I'm just talking about me and what I found that I couldn't say tonight - that He is my everything - the rest, yes, all of it. But He is still not the total focus of my vision. He does not have my full attention. And it's not like I can turn a switch in here and go to "total Jesus focus mode." A little yes here and a little yes there - it's a process - a long one. Help me, help us, Lord, to say yes to You and not turn our eyes away.

never repay injury with injury

2009-08-21T14:19:33-07:00

I prayed the Midmorning Prayer, Terce, this morning and the reading was from Romans 12. I love Romans 12. I started writing a rule based on that chapter of Scripture once upon a time. I'm not finished with it yet and have not thrown it away. It will be implemented at some point. Anyway, Romans 12 is one of those little sections where the whole life we're living as Christians is synopsized very well. This little section (a consolidated quote) is one of the most ignored, I believe. We rationalize the hell out of it until it has no more power. It might as well have been written with invisible ink. Just how else can you read or interpret this? However we do it, the Word keeps coming back around, as it was spoken...

Never repay injury with injury. For it is written: " 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." "But if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink." Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good.
-Romans 12: 17a, 19b, 20a, 21

You really can't get away from what this says, what He says to us about how to live in His Life. And how is it that we allow ourselves to be "conquered by evil" here? Partly, I think, by turning by turning evil into good, by thinking and acting in ways not commensurate with God's Life and Nature. Sure, we're really unable, in ourselves, to do what's written there, but we're supposed to be rending ourselves open to allow God to change all that, all that hating of the enemy, all that desiring to return injury for injury. It all feels so just and right to us, but it's just our broken nature exerting itself. If we keep repainting it and calling it something different, it will never die, and all that broken mess will continue to infect everything around us instead of the Kingdom of God infecting us and the whole world.

mistakes, regrets and hankering

2009-08-17T10:54:08-07:00

I should have written "hankerin" - just doesn't sound right to say "hankerING." But, as with what I'm going to talk about, that's how it goes. That's how I wrote it. There are events in your life that play out in certain ways. Some you have little control over - they just happen around you and it's like you're watching a movie. Most personal life-events, though, are to some degree, bound up with our wills, our choices. They "play out" as they do partly because of how we choose to act or not act, as the case may be. We affect how the play moves and happens.

OK, this is not a treatise on free will. These are just things connected to my thought process here. For the most part, I've been thinking about some of the decisions I made a couple of years ago in light of my discernment to come back into the Catholic Church. At the time this sense to "go back" came upon me, and that's what it was like, I was leading, pastoring, abbotting, a small faith community that met in our home. I was, and had been, a participant in a kind of grassroots dialogue taking place in certain sectors of the Church as a whole - in at least part of the whole "emerging church" scene. Then - well, then I sort of dropped it all like a hot potato. Not quite that drastic, but it seems a bit like that to me now.

The way I handled all that, in part, I regret. At the time, I felt I needed to make a very clear break from one thing in order to pursue the other, so that's what I did. I'm not sure, in hind sight, that it really needed to happen that way. Maybe God had something in mind for me that I still don't totally understand. This is likely true for all of us to some extent I suppose. But I'm not sure that one can't still be involved in some sort of emerging type community and still be a part of another church, the Catholic Church in particular, in my case. I'm not sure one has to give up one voice in order to have another. Whatever voice I had or have is able to speak, if that's what God wants it to do, to whomever, whenever, wherever.

There are certainly things in me that needed to be dealt with, and are still being dealt with by God. The one thing my spiritual director (whom I haven't seen in far too long) said to me early on in all this process, was, "maybe God is making you small, huh?" May be - and I still say to that - not fun, not at all. Is it supposed to be fun? No. I feel that, at least for a while, I became invisible, powerless and mute. This was, perhaps, necessary for a time. I think, though, that I'm starting to see myself in the mirror again, a little bit, and my voice is coming back - a little bit. I just have to listen and figure out what that means.

So, I have made mistakes, I think, in how I handled some of my and my family's ecclesiastical transition. I'm sorry for that. Nothing I can do to change it now. God deals with more screwed up messes than that, I reckon. I lift all involved to His Grace and Mercy. I regret some of the ways things went down. And finally, I am beginning to have a hankerin' for something... something. Not just the monastery. That too. I have not let that die. I don't think God has let it die despite my lack of hope sometimes, my lack of faith. Maybe it's like someone who's a creative woodworker, who's an artistic carpenter, who has that gift and skill-set - if you close down your shop for a while and put your tools down, eventually the smell of saw-dust and mineral oil and stain will creep into your dreams. It won't totally go away. Then you have to discern - when do I want to go back into the shop, and what do I want to build when I get in there. Fill my mind and heart, Holy Spirit.

our agendas

2009-08-07T09:05:56-07:00

Those who attempt to act and do things for others or for the world without deepening their own self-understanding, freedom, integrity and capacity to love, will not have anything to give others. They will communicate to them nothing but the contagion of their own obsessions, their aggressiveness, their ego-centered ambitions, their delusions about ends and means, their doctrinaire prejudices and ideas. There is nothing more tragic in the modern world than the misuse of power and action to which people are driven by their own Faustian misunderstandings and misapprehensions. We have more power at our disposal today than we have ever had, and yet we are more alienated and estranged from the inner ground of meaning and of love than we have ever been.
-Thomas Merton; Seeds

I'm just copying this quote that my friend Paul put up today. I was very impressed by these thoughts and they seem very timely to me. I see so much of this - Christians pushing for their agendas about this and that and the other thing. It all seems very, well very NOT what we should be concentrating on in our lives as children of the living God. Whenever I see or hear this going on, it honestly discourages me. It makes me want to sit down and stop.

I'm certainly not saying we shouldn't talk about things we believe to be important. How we do that is also important, I think. Waiving flags, toatin' signs, screamin' and hollerin' about things... I'm not sure that's what we want to be about. And just as certainly, there will be some of my siblings who will disagree. Ah well, go for it. I'm simply concerned about the face this puts on Jesus to the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah, money changers in the temple courtyard - yada, yada. I believe there is something much deeper about what Jesus was doing/is doing than that, as an example, can really show us.

So, whether it's my agenda or your agenda or even something you or I believe to be "God's agenda," we should probably watch how we go about raising these issues. We are not the judgment hammer of God. Our anger will not accomplish His Will.

freely given

2009-07-29T07:02:04-07:00

Adam's pride was a kind of Promethean blindness to the true nature of love. He did not understand that the gifts which had been given to him could only be possessed as long as they were received as gifts. They were not and never could be won by right of conquest for that was impossible. To think otherwise was, in fact, completely to misunderstand the true nature of God.

Remember what we said above about Prometheus: thinking that the fire could be stolen, and not knowing it would be freely given, he unavoidably knew only false gods, not the living God. These false gods were beings only a little more strong that man, only a little more spiritual, only a little more wise. They needed fire, in the end, as much as man. They would resent the theft of fire. They would defend themselves jealously against any invasion of their Olympus. They did not want man to have what was theirs, for they could not afford to see themselves weakened and man strengthened. All these concepts imply a narrow, jealous, weak, fearful kind of god.
-Thomas Merton; The New Man (bolding mine)

Sometimes we have problems like this - like poor Prometheus. We do not understand the nature of God. OK, well, "duuuuuh," as the saying goes, but we should, at least to a degree more than we do. He's revealed it to us, to an extent. I know we have to grow in our ability to grasp it, to grasp Who He Is. Some may think, "we can never do this." I'd have to disagree. I don't believe God created us to be eternally ignorant of the fullness of reality, even of His Reality. We're just presently out of sync with it.

But -- Jesus -- the Great Gift of God to us. He gave us Himself. But we want to earn it. We want to steal the fire. We can't get our broken heads around the fact that anything He has given us is pure gift. And let's be honest, those of us who are Catholic, or Wesleyan/Arminian for that matter, have a few problems in this area. The seeming paradox of His Grace mingled with our cooperation, gets confused, often. Far too often we lean on the "our cooperation" part - as if there were "parts" of all that. I know, I know. It really is complicated - not to Him of course, but for us to get hold of.

I certainly believe we can cooperate, that our wills are involved in everything that God does in, for or through us, even if we're not overtly aware of it. I believe that's the way God created us. And I do not believe that short-circuits the concept of "pure gift" when it comes to Jesus, Grace, our ultimate and complete salvation, etc. I never said it passed the "pure logic" test. Does it need to? If so, there are a few other things we need to make God aware of so He can straighten that mess out. Of course, ultimately, even our small, unnoticeable yeses are the result of His Grace giving us the ability to say them. So, here we are, back to HIM. Rely on the Gift. Receive it as gift. Don't count on yourself. His Grace. His Love. His Mercy. His working anything in us, for us, through us.

we are not hateful to God > say whaat?

2009-07-29T07:03:23-07:00

The sinner who is ready to accept love as a gift from God is far closer to God than the "just" man who insists on being loved for his own merits.

One of the keys to real religious experience is the shattering realization that no matter how hateful we are to ourselves, we are not hateful to God. This realization helps us to understand the difference between our love and His. Our love is a need, His a gift. We need to see good in ourselves in order to love ourselves. He does not. He loves not because we are good, but because He is. But as long as we worship a God who is only a projection of ourselves, we fear a tremendous and insatiable power who needs to see goodness in us and who, for all the infinite clarity of His vision finds nothing but evil, and therefore insists upon revenge.
-Thomas Merton; The New Man

It seems every time I run across that last section, I quote it in a blog post. I've quoted it here probably more than once before. It's powerful. It goes to the heart of so much of what we carry around with us every day. We either hate ourselves because we see ourselves and unworthy and unlovable, even by God, or we've found a way to be self-righteous asses whom God apparently approves because we've "done enough" of whatever it is we're supposed to have done to get such approval. We're a pitiful lot.

Another problem is that we will tend to treat others in the same way we see ourselves being treated, or thought of, by God. If we understand that God loves because He is and so, loves us despite our unworthiness, then we will likely tend to love others in the same way. On the other hand, if we see this God who has a need to see us being good in order to approve of us, then yep, you guessed it, we will likely be the kind of people who will look at our fellow men with the same "need." We will need to see them being good before we will bestow our love on them - as if they had to deserve it from us - as if we were someone they had to impress. What sick puppies we are. How we deeply need to be fully renovated.

updated look

2009-07-24T12:55:21-07:00

Welcome to the slightly new alancreech.com - "a blog of the first order" - ha! "This guy's a little full of himself, isn't he?" Well, maybe. I was trying to think of a tag line. I've never had one. The only thing that kept sticking in my head was how long I've been blogging. This blog has been out there longer than most - still going, for the most part. Perhaps this will cause me to write more - you never know. Hope the look is pleasant - come see all ye RSS readers! Peace to you.

she of magdala > reposted

2009-07-22T10:04:52-07:00

A few years ago, in 2005, I was thinking about she who's feast day is today, and wrote a significant post on these thoughts. I think it's worth reposting today. The premise comes from the concern some have that somehow leaders in the Church or others made up the whole "she was a prostitute" thing in order to denigrate her character because she was a woman, blah, blah, blah. OK, I'll let my former words, and still my current thoughts, speak about this.

St. Mary Magdalene. I know it's not her feast day or anything, at least not that I know of. I was just thinking of her. I probably heard something on a show I saw on Discovery or somewhere, something like that. I have often thought this and have rarely said it. Sooo, what's the big damn deal if she was a prostitute? Seriously. If indeed, she was a prostitute and then answered a call to follow Christ, knew Him, learned from him, and then was a part of making Him known - so what. Is that a bad thing? Well, it's a thing, for sure. It may even be a good thing.

Here's what I mean: If there was this woman named Mary from Magdala and this woman was a prostitute for whatever reason - if that is so and this woman encountered God in the flesh, Jesus the Christ and was changed by the Life she encountered in Him, then we should glorify God. Does this make me think less of Mary? No. I said no. It doesn't at all. I don't even understand that. I don't understand where that information about her past (if it was so) would make anyone feel that she was dirty or unworthy or anything of the sort - any more than the rest of us. Paul was effectively a murderer of Christians for God's sake and he announced that to be true. What is there in this alleged prostitution conspiracy that could harm Mary at all compared to that? Nothing. It's ridiculous.

It would seem to me that anyone espousing such a theory is the person who has something against prostitutes, who would for some reason feel a woman "disqualified" for whatever for having been one. I'm not sure but I think there are numerous churches named after this sanctified former prostitute. I'm pretty sure people all over the world venerate her and pray asking for her intercession. Why? Because she was a notorious follower of Jesus - because she was committed and stayed with Him when others fled in fear - because of her great faith. Perhaps her escape from that life through Christ has caused a greater harvest of gratitude and thanksgiving in the world than if it had been some otherwise "upright" woman in not so much need of radical salvation.

Unless of course you want to make some kind of case that it's just fine and dandy to continue to be a prostitute - that this is a legitimate life-choice for someone and that there is no need of "salvation" for such a person. I don't think you want to do that. But that's no different than any other fallen state of any other person whom Jesus came to Love and raise up into full and true humanity. So, let's stop trying to make big deals where no deals need be made. I couldn't care less if Mary Magdalene was a prostitute. Nobody said she was turning tricks out of the upper room. Crazy. Mary is you. Mary is me. We all might as well have been prostitutes or murderers. It doesn't matter. And if it does matter, it matters because of the great Love and Power of God that came to bring us back to life anyway - despite our unworthiness. Pray for us Mary of Magdala, that we may answer the call as well as you did.

technorati tags > mary magdalene, prostitution, davinci code, theology, church

10 cool birds

2009-07-17T07:27:53-07:00

Yes, seriously. I thought of this the other day when I was at one of my son's night baseball games - at dusk and just after I heard the familiar chirpy call and started scanning the sky below the lights and there it was, a Nighthawk, awesome! That is, for me, one of those birds. There's a photo below there. So, I thought I'd post about 10 of the coolest birds I've personally seen. Sure, Puffins are cool but you know, I've never laid my eyes on one, so not on the list. Here you go - see if you can relate...

L: Common Nighthawk R: Whipoorwill
You may have seen a Nighthawk darting around under the street lights when you were playing as a kid, or, like I said, at a ballgame, and not known what it was. They love the bugs, so the lights bring them in. The two distinctive white bars on the underside of their wings give them away. And the lonely Whipoorwill - you may likely have heard the call while camping or if you live in the country. They use it in scary movies to spook up a scene from time to time, usually in the day time - stupid. Anyway, usually no one sees these cool birds, but I happened to run across one in a patch of woods on my parents' property a few years ago - bigger than I thought. Actually Nighthawks and Whipoorwills are related. You'd have to see a shot of them both sitting, very similar.

L: Osprey R: American Kestrel
I have these two together for obvious reasons - birds of prey/raptors. The Osprey is an awesome bird - not super-common where I live, but they are here and when you see one it's a sight to behold. A nickname I've heard for them is "Fish Eagle" - makes sense. They always live near water and you see what the one pictured has in it's talons. They're a big bird - as big or bigger than a Red Tailed Hawk. You'll often see them on top of telephone or electric poles, or in the tops of dead trees. The Osprey's little cousin there (actually a Falcon), is now called the American Kestrel. I say now because they were once commonly known as the Sparrow Hawk, mostly because of it's size - very small - just bigger than a sparrow probably. A beautiful bird - lots of amazing color. You'll see them sitting on electrical wires next to fields near the road, watching for mice no doubt. Very cool to see these little birds.

L: Great Horned Owl R: Ruffed Grouse
These two classics aren't in the same family but do often occupy the same territory. The Great Horned Owl is an amazing thing to see. They are an intimidating predator - very large. That head is seriously like a baby head! One lives hear our house in a wooded area - keep your cats in at night! My Dad and I were driving around the top of a mountain back home, in Harlan, one morning on a hunt and one of these monsters swooped down out of a tree and flew in front of our truck - just huge, breathtaking. The other bird there is a Ruffed Grouse - around here, just Grouse because there aren't others. They are called the king of the upland game birds - something you hunt. And I have hunted them. I say hunted, not killed. I've shot AT a bunch of them but never hit one. It's a beautiful bird - bigger than it looks like there - about the size of a chicken. The males make this "drumming" sound with their wings as they sit on top of logs during mating season - I wish you could hear it. It's more like you feel it in your chest as the "boom, boom, boom boom boom boom" echoes through the mountains. You can't tell where it's coming from - very cool. And when you get too close and they fly out from under a laurel bush in front of you, you just better have your heart medication up to date and not have to go to the bathroom real bad - ha! Loud burst of wing flutter! Great bird.

L: Tree Swallow R: Hummingbird
Two birds that are often in my back yard - fortunately. The Tree Swallow is a very pretty little bird. They dive and flit all over catching bugs - making clicking and high-pitched chirping sounds. They go a little crazy during mating season. We have a little birdhouse out back that they use as a "love shack" - ha! They haven't ever laid eggs in there, but the female will sit there on the little perch, calling away until at least two males are going back and forth for her attention. I love watching them swoop down and around during the evening, catching the bugs that might otherwise bite me. And the venerable Hummingbird. We love these birds. Liz has set up feeders in the front and back of the house to attract them each year - works like a charm. They are just amazing to watch - to hear those wing-beats fluttering and the little chirp. They're kind of magical, like watching a fairy or something, playing in your yard.

L: Kingfisher R: Pileated Woodpecker
Two impressive birds here. Kingfishers are crazy lookin' with that "hair." And that bill is like a harpoon! They sit beside streams, ponds and lakes watching for small fish to pounce on. They fly up, hover a bit, then go screaming down into the water and come up with a fish in their bill - very cool to watch. I don't see them often either but the other day, Liz and I were walking and saw one near a farm pond in our neighborhood - nice! That great bird next to him is the Pileated Woodpecker. I think a lot of people call this the "Red Headed Woodpecker" but, me included, we have been mistaken. This is a sizable woodpecker - LOUD "pecking" when you hear them. Not a common thing to see. They're kind of a back in the woods character. I've seen one, though. They look, also, a lot like the Ivory Billed Woodpecker, long thought to be extinct, but rediscovered in a remote, swampy, forest in Arkansas a few years ago. Now, that I would love to see - not to mention if I got pictures of it, I wouldn't have to worry about paying bills for a while.

OK, that's all for my birdwatching post. Feel free to share your coolest bird sightings in the comments, or if you've seen any of these. Peace.

new oremus episode

2009-07-09T18:17:44-07:00

I recorded a new episode of the Oremus Podcast today - an interview with my good friend, Bryan Sherwood - and beware of inappropriate Latin usage - ha! Peace.

inappropriate thoughts

2009-07-04T07:23:13-07:00

Yeah, that got your attention, didn't it? Things are not as you suppose, at least not that I'm talkin' on here about. Anyway, today's inappropriate thoughts are as concerns the 4th of July in the United States. Most would find my thoughts today, at least, inappropriate, if not downright treasonous or even "sinful." Such it will have to be I suppose.

Recently, I've been re-reading through Thomas Merton's The New Man, highlighting as I go. I have to be careful not to highlight the whole book. A couple of days ago, perhaps providentially, I read this little passage, which lies in the middle of a discussion of something else which I will also share here. For now, though, just this bit. This is no brand new thought for me - he just says it well, and I thought I'd share it with you today, inappropriate or not.

...while we learn to be humble and virtuous as individuals, we allow ourselves to commit the worst crimes in the name of "society." We are gentle in our private life in order to be murderers as a collective group. For murder, committed by an individual, is a great crime. But when it becomes war or revolution, it is represented as the summit of heroism and virtue. —Thomas Merton, The New Man

Wait there mister, it's not murder if it's done in a "just war" - many don't even worry whether it's allegedly "just" or not. Anyway, this is the argument. I certainly don't have room in a blog post to fully refute such a thing. I will, though, say this - in the case of a revolution, things do get a bit hairy with any kind of argument to justify Christian participation in the killing of other human beings. Revolution is not done as the action of any State. It is, by definition, not sanctioned or official as "war." It is disobedient, rebellious treason. It is often accompanied by what we now define as terrorism. Most revolutionaries do not wear uniforms. They have no President, no government. They may well be organized, but officially speaking, they are merely a gang of disgruntled citizens picking up what they can to throw at, to shoot at whom they can, to get the change they want.

Now, whether or not this is ever a justifiable act is another story. And I said "justifiable act," not a justifiable act for a Christian person to be involved in - this TOO is another story. Irony alert: I cry when I watch Band of Brothers or that last scene in Saving Private Ryan - can't help it. I want to stand up and salute that grave with him, tears streaming down my face. When I watch Michael Collins or The Wind That Shakes the Barley, my blood boils and the IRA makes a whole hell of a lot of sense to me. There is a worldly nobility to these kinds of actions. I can deeply understand some of the whys. Of course, I'm not sure not wanting to pay extra taxes and being in control of your own economy is on a par with having your language and religion suppressed along with the constant violence which accompanied the enforcement of such laws - not quite. Anyway, I just wanted to say I have emotional understanding of such things. But...

But what? Just pick up a freakin' musket and get on the line, citizen! We might burn down your shop if you don't - might, just get out there! Hey, my ancestors fought in that mess, volunteered for it, and King George had given them hundreds of acres of land. I'm off track - but what? But JESUS, that's what. But as a Christian, I don't need to be putting myself in the middle of a worldly battle that has me taking aim at, stabbing or blowing up my fellow human beings, perhaps even my siblings in Christ, even if it makes some kind of sense to do so. Some things trump others - and my identity in Christ is the BIG trump card - even if I'm not fully formed in it - all the more reason why I shouldn't jump into something broken like a war or a revolution. I'm helping to perpetuate the brokenness of the world if I do this.

I suggest we all sit out - all those who belong to Jesus sit out the wars and revolutions and anything else that has us killing one another. We sit out on abortion, most of us. That's seen as a broken necessity by many. Why not war and killing grown people? We sit out on divor... wait, sorry, I thought I had one there. We simply too often take the pragmatic road, we Christians. Going against the grain is too hard. We'll even come up with complicated theologies that help us not go against the grain. It's hard for me to understand how this is not seen. One can just keep talking, I suppose. And when it comes to any future bloody revolutions, and there will be, don't be naive, I'll be sitting those out and encouraging my siblings to do the same. Pax vobiscum.

the right to bear arms in church

2009-06-30T10:42:56-07:00

Hmm - nothin' like a little controversy... As to whether one should be able to or should carry a concealed weapon in a church assembly - I think I have the answer - well, not me, but here you go...

"Immediately he went over to Jesus and said, 'Hail Rabbi!" and he kissed him. Jesus answered him, 'Friend, do what you have come for.' Then stepping forward they laid hands on Jesus and arrested him. And behold, one of those who accompanied Jesus put his hand to his sword, drew it, and struck the high priest's servant, cutting off his ear. Then Jesus said to him, 'Put your sword back into its sheath, for all who take the sword will perish by the sword. (...Then he touched the servant's ear and healed him. —Luke 22:51) Do you think that I cannot call upon my Father and he will not provide me at this moment with more than twelve legions of angels?" —Matthew 26:49-53

A new order was being ushered in. It's time to put the swords away, or the Glocks as the case may be. To have a constant attitude of carrying these weapons to use against other men is, as I see it, moving against the tide of the New Order in Christ. And He healed the man - even further into the new Way - not only not enacting vengeance on the perceived enemy, but showing Love. Love is, after all, ultimately the only tool able to make a sword into a plowshare.

two links

2009-06-25T11:27:06-07:00

I'm not usually a "linker" when it comes to blogging, but here and there something will hit me and I want to share it with you, whoever you are. Today I have two blog posts - linked in order of having read them - from two friends.

A Few Thoughts On Church - Part 2: Bryan Sherwood. Bryan has been a friend for a while and was, at one point for a while, with his wife, a member of the small community I led/pastored, which met in our home. I'm a tad humbled at some of what he's shared here and in the previous post. But he's sharing more than about that - talking about prayer, community and liturgy - good stuff from deep inside his personal experience.
Where To Find God: Kyle Potter. Kyle has also been a friend for a few years and, like Bryan, was a part of Vine & Branches. Kyle has quite the set of experiences in his young life, and shares about a significant one in this post. Here's a quote a love - you'll have to read the story to get the context... "I don't have a proper answer, but this is what I do seem to have: a god who hangs on a cross, naked and dead." Good, good.

some pictures and some thoughts

2009-06-21T08:45:07-07:00

There's my Father's Day breakfast. No, my children didn't wake in the early hours of the morning and make it and bring it to me in bed. Half of them aren't here at the moment - Mama's at work, Meaghan's at work, Katey just came home from spending the night at a friend's, Conor just woke up and McKenzie's at Mammaw and Pappaw's house. So, I made it myself and ate it myself. A little later, Katey, Conor and I will drive to meet my parents, probably in London, to eat together with them and pick up the Kenz. Then we'll come back home and stay out of the hot some more I guess. That'll be Father's Day for us. Oh, and I received nice cards from each of my children and a gift card to Sportsman's Warehouse - very nice.

Here is the product of my labor yesterday in the garden. The tomatoes were getting a bit large, so I had to make a trip to Lowe's and get some wire fencing and stakes to cage them bad boys up. At the Garden Mother's suggestion (no, I'm not a pagan, I'm talking about Liz), I also made a climbing fence deal for the cucumbers there so they don't take over the garden. It was good, monastic work. I look forward to more of it as the crops develop. We also did a good bit of weeding, in which I took a good part, in the last couple of days. Along with the rain making what we planted go nuts, it also had fed the weeds a good bit, so we had to thin things out.

As I was weeding I had a thought about the Scripture that tells us - generally speaking here - to just let the weeds and the wheat (crops) grow together, not to possibly uproot what you're trying to grow by going nuts pulling out all the weeds. Sure - make sense. Here's my thought: this is really more about not weeding in the younger, more tender years of your plants. You have possibly noticed that weeds and crop plants look a lot alike in the early days - hard to tell apart - and easy to pull up one with the other if you're too worried about it. You've got to be careful. But, when my tomatoes, for example, get more mature, larger, their identity is much more defined as something distinctly different than any weed around them. Weeding, at this point, can be important. Too many weeds can "steel" nutrients from the growing tomatoes, and water. Nice spiritual analogy there I think. And it helps to pull the pesky weeds out by the roots - otherwise they just grow back up too quickly. And mulch helps - that ground cover around and between your plants to keep in moisture and retard week growth. We use mowed grass clippings - works pretty well. Ah, the analogies keep on flowing at this point. Weeding, mulching, watering, staking and caging to guide the growth and protect them from high winds, etc. Lay that over your life and see where it fits. Peace to you.