李昇泰梦幻世界

Fall in love?

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 02:04:00 +0800

Dear dairy,

as time goes by, i had to learn to give up and move on...and yup, i found another good girl again... this time i think i hit the homerun again...

will get excited by her incoming msg, sms, since she hardly online as well... not to mention about the coming dates, reminds me of the excitement of the first love...

yes, valentine is coming and i might ask her out... god knows, blessing... out of so many girls i had rejected and ignored, been trying my best to save myself up...and someone has been repeating the same concern that asks me to give up on waiting, because, i cant show facts to convince... shes been asking, the so long time i have been here, how many msg per week the girl that i waiting, sent to me... i couldnt answer... and i tell the truth, i receive none... this month is totally none... december still got at least christmas... and some casual chatting...

how about cny wishes? hahahaha i know thats not a count... cause after that, no more conversation... no connects, no chats, no communications... have i tried, i had send emails, chats msgs... but it seems like its testing me? no, they are not that type of person, i knew them well, they are just busy only...

i know i had been trying to convince myself to continue to wait... but, well... thank you for letting me understand something... that finally i let it go, and try to accept and move on...

i think i fall for her, shes the one who makes my heart beat, heart beat beat :D hahahaha :D

well... its been so long, i had no news... i am wondering, do anyone actually understand my msg... or i might as well change another approach... no longer using isi tersirat... its better for me to go straight and let the girl know rather than putting in poems and wish for the person to understand it... im such a fool... and i am so sorry for the previous loves...

i believe, this time i will make sure i will not fail... anymore... one last time... i promise you venus lee seng tai, this time is the last one... promise...

dear god, kindly separates me to the one that i enlighten lately... as i would be able to focus on the one who skip my heart... dear god, im very greatful and grateful for all the things i had right now, friends, family, minimize stress from family and works, i had a new job, better opportunity and so much more... im so happy, thank you my dear god for the blessing all the time, watching over me, taking care of me... i love you !!

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happy cny, shit !

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 02:31:00 +0800

dear dairy,

well, i dont know and i havnt read my tao hua yun for this year, but it seems alittle odd...

i have got two new girl's number with permission of cause... and well, started a friendship already and whats next? or keeping as a friend as they both are single too... well.. omg !!

happy cny... just kao another lui lolx !! dear god, thats not my first motive, i only wanted to help and share my knowledge so that he or she able to benefits from it too to not to fall into the traps that i once stepped on...

dear god, please forgive me, amen !!

ow well, just a new fren, yey :D

happy cny... and its now 230am... omg... tml need wake up early... good nite !!

babyvenus

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Feelings...

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 01:44:00 +0800

Dear dairy,

somehow, i understood something, for a long time didnt write about my feelings... as i kept it deep inside...all the time...

my best fren also childhood fren also a very old fren of mine, ms chung, im just wondering, is she really fall for me, but one thing i dont understand about girls, why cant they honest to themselve... isit that hard to admit that i fall for someone else and let the person know?

i think different ppl see this kind of things differently, for me, i cant hide my feelings, if i love, i said it loud and clear, i no longer had a feeling for ms yong, and the feelings for ms chung as well, fading... as time goes by, the level drops... but at least, hahahaha, best fren lor... not something like 朋友之上恋人之下...

well, things gets bad, they are the one who listen to me... about ms lim, feelings is dead, but, its hard for her so, i let it be, for me, she is my best fren as well, she knew me very very well again, i dont know how to appreciates or maybe i feel scared not because of her action, but because of my insecurity that i fear, she knew me so well, till i had nothing more secret... she should have just pretend knew nothing, when time comes, she could just said, i knew you long enuff so i just knew it by heart... i sense it something like that will really impress and touch my heart...

the only person who i still cannot forget, is ms darling pink angel, she is my guardian angel, in the new year, i had ask about her also, but well, we still can talk at least but not much, i feel very satisfy and ease in heart and mind... very comfortable... very happy during the chat... if i were to appreciate, i would like to appreciate this kind of chats... that deep into my soul... i can remember throughly...

i can just tell things without restrain... thats the best part and thats the moment i shown my true self to her... trust... yes i trust her...

but ms lim also concerns me alot... but i fear of her i dont know why, maybe is her influencial that i feel the fear from her that she fear something herself till the extend i can sense it too... im wondering, why, so afraid of? nothing to be afraid, be strong...

maybe from small till now, i always tell myself to be strong, be strong, thats where my smile and my smiley mask is on there... the face that hides every single truth about myself...

maybe, i had no chance to fall down, or i cant afford to, so i had no choice but to stand still on my own... till now, i had successfully impressed my elder brother who always discourage me, my parent that always discourage me as well... i had proven them wrong... i feel so great? not at all... in fact, i feel so sad, why, my mom n dad even elder brother is like that...

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random...

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 00:58:00 +0800

dear dairy,

10 day since my last entry... somehow, after work for a week and two, this new job, seriously makes me feel like, im already adult, and i had started to learn, and learned how to deal in a business.

i had realized that im matured already... its like the time flys with lighting speed and tons of things to be done and to achieve... targets and money... and thats the only thing matters in my life right now...

new colleagues very helpful, all very leng lui !! thats the main point here hahahaha, well all jie jie lai de, understanding and helpful, and well, all is either married or in a relationship jor... some of them already so fast asked about my status... they are shocked that im single.. err yea, im not attached since the one i love, no positive feedbacks, i got no comment, and i admit i dono how to date a girl or in a relationship? well i guess thats the facts...

well they are so helpful in the other way round... hahahaha they suggest me to have lunch or dinner with other representative since in my current job, many sales girl is mostly, leng lui lai de hahahaha...

well, happy or not, nurses and reps, and doctors... no comment... its a hard job, but i prefer travelling like this even its tiring physically... mentally stress, but compare to the bank job, that one is, mentally tired and stress, bad for eye sight, i dont wan to wear specs... and some far things i hardly able to see clear already... sooner or later, i will slowly readjust back my eye...

shit, good nite, 1am

babyvenus

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First day of 2012

Sun, 01 Jan 2012 12:51:00 +0800

Dear dairy,

now is 2012, doomsday year, but i dont believe it at all...

nothing much to express, happy new year, i have a blast last night, really enjoy seeing old friends again...

well, all the best venus, ganbatte ^^

i have noticed that, many single female friends is looking boyfriend greedily and i was being targeted last night... good news, good start... but well, dear god, thank you.

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Last day of 2011

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 17:25:00 +0800

Dear dairy,

i can notice, previous post of the year... considering how immature am i tat time, hahahaha, i am really happy and laugh out really loud after i read my own post for the wishes...

but now is different...

Goal of 2012

main quest

40k - initial house capital

25k - initial car capital

5k - stocks

gain 10kg weight

tat goes for a 70k target earning

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The end of christmas

Mon, 26 Dec 2011 04:06:00 +0800

Dear Dairy,

christmas, is ended, and i doesnt like christmas because its the day that i made my first mistake in life which i regretted, yes, till now i feels im so stupid... i admit it im hopeless and easily swing and influence from environment and friends...

even comforts that just come, its not that i didnt try to resist, but i cant... what do i mean by i cant? because my heart is not strong at all although im pretending, forcing myself, telling myself bestrong, be strong, i can over come it, yes, myself, all the time because thats the only solution, i cannot rely on others, because i scared it will turns into a habit... when tat time comes, i will be unable to live without the person who i rely on... thats what makes me scared so much...

right now i wanted to cry, because, these pain once i gave to the person... now is the time i taste it back myself... the painful moment, the feelings, the stress, the tears, just cant stop...

im sorry, i really mean it, but still, i cannot forget about it, i cant forget about things that happened... i always hate to remember because i knew that my memory is too good till the extend i can read once or twice i can remember it all, i hate it so much especially those experiences... i cant forget at all even though i wanted to...

maybe im forever bound in the memory world... things that i carefully pick n choose, things i carefully choose to encounter and face, i choose... because i know myself too well, and i try so hard to protect it, my heart... i know its selfish but, at least im feeling better this way...

im sad, but at least, peaceful is the only remedy to my heart, as time goes by, normal life stabilize my heart... actually now i only realize, last time i tend to yearn so much about things and stuff, i try to create it, but i never appreciate it... the first thought came into my mind was, i created it, you better be grateful... and i show no appreciation to my own creation... in the end, it vanish... now i only realize, actually i doesnt need to create, so call event or flag, all i need to do is just appreciate things that come to me, thats more than enough already...

maybe i had enough of fun already, time is up, i regain my own conscious, i come back to my anime world now, watching it, makes me learn, feels so much... before that, i let myself run wild... and things just didnt turns out well... because, i made a sin...

i am trying to live a life of normal... but in the end, i realize its wrong, and i withdraw, yes, it do feels very hurting, for me... because, its forever, in my mind... those memory...

i would rather like now, live a very simple life, appreciates and feel grateful for small things that come in my life... last time i like exaggeration, but now, i wan peaceful once again... yes, once again... because i already tasted the kind of life... i found not enjoyable for me... i prefer a normal peaceful life... ow my, i sound like an old man ha...

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Fear, had lost to me

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 10:47:00 +0800

Dear dairy,

well, last time i had a fear of losing the person i love, but once i won the battle i only realize, actually its bad killing the fear, because, guess what, i had forgotten, it grows together with love...

with love with fear, kill fear kill love...

and i realize that, after the worn out battle, i can conclude that, result doesnt matters to me any more, answers are as well, doesnt matter to me anymore... the value turns zero... and well, tats what my ms juliet said, im so easily give up and move on...

yes i am... i dont waste my time dreaming something that only hope for a miracles to happen? wait for u to fall for me? tats ridiculous... i had my life... and i would be willing to spend tiny time on thinking of you but i dont think i had enuff time for it now... it seems that the miss, is just fade away...

stress, work, bundle up, and buried what i call it, the love feelings... and i only got tiredness, yes, i am tired, previous relationships, hurts, bad memories, bad encounter, god games, all comes to an end...

i no longer care nor give a damn to it...

its like hitting the wall, hoping to see a crack at least, some results, but it seems my strength is not that good, yes i am bad in using strength, im only good in using my brain... i stop and i think... why am i so stupid hitting the wall hoping that i can crack and befall the wall... i only hurts my hand... ow tats so silly... so i stopped trying...

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Fear...

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:10:00 +0800

Dear dairy,

as time goes by, love is actually a double edge sword... whenever i said i love a person, i stab my heart once...

love and fear of losing you in the same time, grows... together...

maybe i expect too much? or maybe its really not mean to be with each other in the beginning...

ow no, i think this is the punishment for me...

im so worried and anxious, that suddenly i realized, the fire that burns in my heart, melted...

i am so scare of giving up myself again as if that moment repeat again...

the hurting, that i am so afraid of... and its so pain, and its so difficult, and it leads me to zombie life... it kills my interest one by one... and it kills my meaning of life one by one...

i had nothing right now... and i dont want to own anything...

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omg, fall in love ~

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 00:23:00 +0800

Dear dairy,

omg, yes fall in love again !! :D thou its the very same person in my heart... dono why...

its not really met many times throughout the years also... but something pop up as flag, tats wat i call in a game's event triggered... flag point that created the memories.... theres sad and happy but... i only remember the sweet memory i had...

for times... how i met her, i remember is alesa introduce her to me, first meeting is in a cinema, then adore, karaoke spree for their birthday, extended to night time, i rmb when i drove them back, she sing in my car and tats the first time i heard a very good voice there :D of cause, it do attracts :D to someone like me who listen to music 24/7 like no music no life that type if living, and admire and love music so much to the extend of wao... u had no idea how much i love it and words is insufficient to describe it :D

i rmb theres one time i bring her back to see my parent, ops, only my dad, brings us out for dinner then at night went to leisuremall for a movie, in the bus, we made our 3 promises, yubikiri, and i wish, she do remember by heart too... how romantic and sweet as anime...

ow now i remember through the history, wonderful date of 2009 jan 3, tats the time she went to my home, played my new big toy :D wao :D thats the time i met her sis too.. lovely lively crazy sister and eat the meatball noodle :D

ow, read back some old dairys... now i understand why i fall for a person, its actually touches me not once... tats many time her encouragement and love, that she gave to me... when my exams, depress, parent issue, her comforts...

and wao, i didnt know, that she had actually did so much for me... i want to take care her for the rest of her life, she mean alot to me.....

my god... year 2009 jan and feb actually she do fall for me...... ow...

ow, my prayers reached her, so do god hears my wishes too...

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李昇泰 梦幻世界

Fall in love?

happy cny, shit !

Feelings...

random...

First day of 2012

Last day of 2011

The end of christmas

Fear, had lost to me

Fear...

omg, fall in love ~

李昇泰梦幻世界