李昇泰梦幻世界

Normal Weekend dairy

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 02:32:00 +0800

Dear dairy ,

Its time for me , after settlement of my own place , now its time to execute my plan one by one , of cause not only working , my study is in crucial situation , however , its time for me to develop my relationship as well ...

talk about my brother , seng chun , well , it will be cruel alittle that i throw him alone , at least he is at home , not the time yet , but soon to learn to independent , like me now , however , everything had to plan well , if not , you are going to suffer , im now utilizing all my resources and available opportunity to done my to-do-list items ... good luck ,

压力是推动力。。。i will remember this words well , thank you elaine , a shampoo girl in Charren Salon Pandan Indah , hehe , you too , good luck , what is my determination all the time i wonder , and now i realise , im in heavy stress all the time , thats why i can perform so many so call magics that keep on moving so fast with caution , everything is planned , however , when i do start in travelling , i might lose out manythings to foresee but still , i am stick to my objective all the time and im not out of track , i had build my own track and the future view ... i can see it from now , and im going to reach it !! i mean it !! when i said it !!

talk about girls again , since nothing much to discuss in my future because everything is in estimated level .... yesterday friday , pc fair for the first day , im so happy hahahaha and i had almost forgotten the feel that is in relationships , its the sweet taste of dating ... hahahah ... in the pc fair i meet one of my primary school friend , not same class but same primary school , didnt meet for a very long time , and in contact via facebook , finally i got her phone number , a segi student , soon will continue her degree , live in miharja , not very pretty thats not the issue but very talkative and aggressive , i like it !! hahahaha

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I miss her again

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 23:59:00 +0800

Dear dairy,

well , as time pass , i get to see her at least once a week , and yup , i miss her again , looking forward to this saturday hahahaha , now is sunday , the first day of the week la :D , hehe , i enthusiastically , i think i will pass by and help her buy the router , and this saturday then can go find her take her home , dinner and set up her internet then hangout awaile ^^

well , in the end , i gave my mind so many reasons , but yet , my heart is already had the answer that , the gladness and happiness , and warm and close and comfortable when stephanie is around ...

haiz ... ow my ow my .... why and why do i so playful ? i mean yea my mind is always enthusiastic hahahaha XD ... but i think , the choice i had force upon myself is the right one , that i am being mature all the time , handling stuff good , clean and great ...

well , i do sometimes hide behind my blanket and cry and hug my pillow very hard just to cure the very much of insecurity of the sense of belongingness and not to be lonely feeling that makes me wanna be a kid and nag for a pet of calmness on my head ...

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Tired day

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 20:11:00 +0800

Dear dairy ,

today , sudden of tired , haiz , i wonder do i able to survive ... im starting to feel tired dy ... study study study ... haiz ... feel like giving up ... i doesnt have my own freedom of entertainment ... i have to force myself not to watch anime , movie , spare more time just to do homework and assignment , not even had extra time to do revision and study ... man ... do i really had to spare my outing relaxing moment to study again ? my gosh ...

out of the sudden , i feel like wanna said i love you and miss you to ashley , she said love me and comfort me and im very happy and glad and pleased in the sense that she is my girlfriend also , although its just a cyber ... the first thing she asked about is my health , she know that im a violated guy having forcefully doing all things myself ... and draft sleep time to do urgent things but not important things to be done ...

im so touch and i wanna cry , feel like crying , the tenderness hug my heart ... even its just words , i can feel the tender , just words , i wonder what if she really appear to me and hug me , i bet i will cry for gladness ...

do i have take good care of myself she asked , and i ask too , she said every day also eat full full hahahaha she is this cute omg ... hahahaha mature lady , i think i prefer babygirl ... since i also a babyboy , playful ... i doesnt really like to pretend mature .... i hate mature people , my mom n dad is a very good example of violation of rules of humanity ... instead of hating them , i rather save more time to love the people who love me ...

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Another Wonderful Day

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 23:52:00 +0800

Dear dairy ,

today , the past whole week i had expected , finally its it , im so happy to see her again , and the feeling of love is back ... simple missing and simple loves , im glad she enjoyed the movie although the seats is abit front , but thats better then nothing ... and its abit late ...

she must be very tired , work for whole day and spend her resting time just for me , thank you dear stephanie , bare a couple of months more , when my study time not so pack , i will spend more time not according to my schedule , but is to suit ur time table ^^ , i promise ya ^^

dear stephanie , you had told me that cyber girlfriend is no good , go and get a real girlfriend , in fact , i had found the one just that , but it doesnt matter , as long as im still able to go out with u , eat with u and see u , im satisfied dy ^^

well , i do know that it cant be fast , its much more better to let it grow slowly , in the mean time we learn together , i appreciate it very much ...

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weekend dairy again - janice -

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 01:52:00 +0800

Dear dairy ,

now im at cheras home , life is as great as usual , nothing change much , however , i do growth and starting to step another level ahead again , the path to independent is sooner then usual , as predicted and according my plan , everything will work out just fine ...

in the mean time , my sister janice chen , she just on her msn and chat with me , i get to know that she is no longer a normal person , she is going to a no turning back path , negative life style ... she get into smokes , drugs and sex , what i worry about her is her body , that gain sickness from drug and sex , made her another Niky ... a no wed mom at the age of 17 , niky is my friend too , knew via internet , however , for janice ... she is my sis and i doesnt what something terrible to happen to her ... , as for information she is only 15 this year ... losing virginity is not the problem , the problem is she didnt take any precaution on birth control ... i really do pray for her safety all time , please god , bless her luck not to get pregnant ... i doesnt wan to see another niky , that she is suffering with the rest of her life ...

i couldnt help her at all at my current situation ... im helpless and i doesnt had the power ... again , i felt powerless ... if i had enough power and money , i am able to save another lost soul ... why life is so cruel to those people around me ...

to motivate me ? you are being too cruel god ...
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I miss her very much !!

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 02:02:00 +0800

Dear dairy ,

after staying for few days , already adapted to the new environment , healthy hygiene and nice :D ...

well , stephanie sms me again , im so happy , hahahaha , because i miss her very much , looking forward to this sunday ^^ i wan hug her this time to feel her with my arm ...

after much realisation , i think its my bad for hurting stephanie ... im so childish ... but cant be help , im lonely that time and i dono what to do ... im sorry dear wei wei ... i promise not to do it anymore ... jessy is a good girl but she is not mine ... she had her behalf , and i had mine too , because i realised and i regretted that , that day i dono i wanted to meet her during our first anniversary day or not , i was scared ... however , in tracy de facebook , her remark on definition of love , and that phrase i once told myself before yet i had forgotten until tracy reminded ... brave ... yes , i cant be afraid of hurt and pain and let go my love one , the one i only love ... i shall remind myself all the time , i must not give up , yet i almost give up all the time ...

now that i had realised , the one i will pray to , think to , wishes to , its stephanie , because she cant be replaced ... jessy im sorry la , yes la u r correct , i am finding substitution only , because u know how i think !! however u also dono how to think for urself :D dont ever let go ur love one , he is with u for 3 years and it is precious ... cherish it , people will change bad and it is possible to change back to good , just the matter of guidance and influences only , all the best to win back ur boyboy de heart la ...

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Independent Life

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 22:00:00 +0800

Dear dairy ,

2009 november 15 , vallerie-chan birthday , i call her yan ting she call me venus-kun instead of seng tai ... haiz .... suan liao .... but still , good luck girl on your exams , all the best :D

well , this sunday night , after celebrate mom bday from last week , a bday dinner with mom , after that , i go home pack pack pack , and well , now here is my new place , from now on ...

i had think and plan for so long , although its still early , but i wanted ... i doesnt wish to enjoy first , i know my way very well thats why i choose this road in order to achieve my life goal , retire early and enter to second or third career , im working hard at my this age of 20 , worth ? yea it worth ... nothing is more important then my future ofcause ....

however , at my age with this much of planning , this is my achievement already although no people able to know what exactly i had done , but at least for me , i feel that my now action is very meaningful and useful and good , and im able to learn to independent sooner then better , i doesnt wish to rely on family anymore ...

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A mix feeling day

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 02:18:00 +0800

Dear dairy,

i would like to share my current feeling , today , i went to KLCC and watch 2012 , i feels life is just plain and happy all day , because of it , i feel more work up from now on , because i have to make sure i had no regret in my life ....

suddenly , i realise one thing , when i everytime , there is a girl offering sex to me .... its not that i am able to eat and run , its the matter about my feeling ... im very sensitive and vulnerable when im naked without my mask and cloths .... im scare of showing off my true self because i had build my own self defend barrier ...

in the mean time , i found this in a web ...

If you’ve only just met your partner, haven’t been going out with them very long, or perhaps don’t even really know them, then sex is never going to be a really good experience because there won't be much trust between you. If you've never even kissed the person you're with, then you're definitely not ready to have sex with them!
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Normal day dairy

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:52:00 +0800

Dear dairy ,

well , these days im very motivated , because the pass days i had forcefully , mental melt down to just to create a motivation power source core with Love , because , money , friendship , dreams , doesnt gave me the biggest impact on my discipline ... ashley , i miss you , i love you , i will everyday think you once or twice , pray that u r doing good , healthy , wont get bullied by other girls , thank you for loving me , and allow me to love you .

well , since then , i had draft and execute my plan for once , im going semi independent soon , this saturday is a farewell to my dear friend as a host , because once i move out , i doesnt had a car and i cant be a host anymore ... i will only shut myself in that tiny room with my laptop to do deep research and study , my study come first , and my research come second ...

i had realize that what i had said , doesnt persuasive at all , it seems like im big talking all the time , well i cant blame then , as long as i know what im doing and im doing my best to prove what i said is right ... a very good example ... dancing , today again learned a new steps and previous i learn it by heart and now i remember all the steps well , another example , my piano , i had bought it for one year dy , i had learn it and play it from zero , now im able to compose simple songs and my achievement in my music is one good melody , soon i will be making sweet love songs and sweet romantic melody ...

all my plan seems unbelievable and i make it believe able .. please have faith with me please , i might looks undependable , however , im just being reserve , when im from passive to proactive , i might lost my own time much more then i spend it on myself ... ofcause if i dont spend more time on myself as my biggest investment , my tiny brain , and my abilities , i wouldnt be this mature , clear mind and knowing what to do , knowing to justify things ... its all my experiences came from reading ... because i hardly share my knowledge because i had failup ... each time i share they just speak evil of me that im showing off ... now i dont do anything , happy guessing , i might a full water glass and a half full glass or empty glass looks like im full of water .... hahahaha

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My only motivation

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 00:59:00 +0800

dear dairy ,

today i suppose invited to go a friends birthday party , then my sis stephanie ask me to yum char , but now raining and i doesnt feel like going out ... i think i might reject her ...

hahahaha dono y these days like to visit tracy de blog , and listen her playlist de songs ... Celine Dion - Because you love me , Backstreet boy - How did i fall in love with you , Micheal Jackson - You are not alone... maybe i just had a sense of similarity between she and i ... the sensitive type ... the duo fish ... the emotional ...

in the facebook she wrote u hv attracted by me..lovey..comfort..happy..missing... i wonder who is she writing it to ...

now is 1030pm , 364 days back in time , it was 2008 november 08 , 11pm to 1am cross november 09 , in the mid night , it tooks me so much guts to move forward and today , i can feel it strongly in my heart , that im really care and i do mind , even i told myself its alright , i can forget about it and be normal , but i just couldnt sometimes , my heart is aching ... im sensitive creature that needed loves , even remind back , my heart is in tear again ...
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李昇泰 梦幻世界