Day 1 – Mthatha

Day 2 – East London

I stay at The Tides, B&B. I am immediately impressed with the place. The tub is HUGE (capital letters for emphasis) and I spend hours splashing around in it. The proximity of the B&B to the ocean means that I fall asleep to the sound of the waves crashing.

Day 5 – Durban

Photo taken from one of the piers in Durban. 

My dad completes the Comrades Ultra-marathon. I run the last 5km with him, screaming encouraging words like, “Stop whimpering, you nancy and get a move on!” Oh, I kid.

Day 9 – Maputo, Mozambique

My bankcard stops working. I freak out. How’s a person supposed to survive in a foreign country without money? Prostitution.

I will later learn that my card only works at a Barclays ATM.

At 17:00 I board an Intercape bus for Vilanculos. At 23:20 I wake up to find the cops beating up my bus driver.

Day 10 – Vilanculos, Mozambique

I arrive at Pambara, a bus stop 20km from my backpackers. I arrive at 04:00 in morning. At 04:00 Pambara is dark and desolate. There are no streetlights. Just empty trucks and wooden structures, which I am only assume serve as “restaurants” during the day. Oh and there were 3 inhabitants, who may or may not have been hiding machetes under their blankets.

I call a number given to me by a guy I’d just met on the bus. (One day, someday my face will appear on the back of a milk carton.) The guy on the other end agrees to pick me up for MTn1000. I gasp. It’s daylight robbery. But he’s got me by the short and curlies. I have no other options. He knows this, I know this. I agree to his price meekly.

Day 12 – Vilanculos, Mozambique

Cazz, Cougar and I pay MTn2700 (about R900) for a dhow safari to Bazaruto Island. After a bumpy ride that leads to me ponder out loud, “Perhaps we should be WEARING these life jackets instead of sitting on them”, our engine fails. We wade to one of the islands. We wait for hours to be rescued. We do NOT end up at the Bazaruto Island. We do NOT end up snorkelling. We do NOT get a full refund. What we get is a offer of supper with the organiser’s family OR R200 back. We take the money.

Day 15 – Tofo, Mozambique

I take a chapa (local transport) to Pambara. (I plan to dedicate an entire blog post to the description of the chapa.) From Pambara an Intercape bus to Maxixe, then a ferry to Inhambane and a then a taxi to Tofo.

Day 16 – Tofo, Mozambique

My ocean safari trip is cancelled. To make up for my disappointment, the trip organiser offers to show me Tofinho. During his guided tour he asks, “When are you coming back to Mozambique?”

Me: I don’t know.

Him: You know when I guys asks when you’re coming back, he likes you.

Me: That’s smooth.

Heart OF STONE.

Day 18 – Maputo and Johannesburg

I change my flight details and come home early.

My first panic attack happens on Day 9 of the great adventure of 2013. I’m in Maputo. I arrived the previous evening from Johannesburg, via the Intercape bus.

I’m in Maputo and my bankcard won’t work. I’m not sure why. It was working earlier that morning. Now? The error message on the ATM screen simply reads: “Your time limit has been exceeded.” What does that mean? Has my bank cancelled my card? Surely they’d call BEFORE cancelling my card?

I try not to panic. I fail miserably at NOT PANICKING. I tell everyone on Twitter that my bankcard isn’t working and OMG it won’t be long before I’m scavenging through dustbins in order to sustain myself in Mozambique. I curse myself for tipping the waitress so generously. WHY? I tell myself that I’ll be fine ONCE I meet up with Cazz and Cougar in Vilanculos. But until then I can’t spend anymore money. I have no idea how much a taxi will cost from the bus stop in Vilanculos to my backpackers. So I forgo supper, which isn’t an easy task considering that I only had fresh pineapple juice and lemon ice-cream for lunch. Stupid, frivolous me! And I tell myself, that if worst comes worst, I can ask my father to book an immediately flight out of Mozambique. God, let it not come to that.  

I will later learn that:

• My bankcard only works at a Barclays ATM.
• That a taxi from Pambara (the bus stop at Vilanculos) to my backpackers (a distance of 20km) will set me back MTn1000. (That’s  almost R400.)

Photo of my Swedish dorm roommate, Jonna, taken in Tofo. Her boyfriend is a professional skier!

I wish that I’d taken photos of all my roommates:

• Hunter from Alaska, who has the outline of the continents tattooed on his arm.
• Cornelia from Sweden, who has a fear of choking and has volunteered in India.
• Emilia, the music producer from France, who spent 3 years living in French Guinea. 
• Trevor, the baker from South Africa, who tucked me into to bed.

The training

I may or may not have said, “Oh shit” during my training session. My colleagues may or may not have responded by laughing loudly.

The drive

After the training (which ended at 16:00), five of us clambered into ONE car. AND then we drove. ALL the way to East London. It’s a four hour trip, made all that more excruciating by the strategic placement of potholes, the fast disappearing sunlight ad the unexpected appearance of the occasional donkey.

The hotel

We arrive in East London at 21:00 and check into The Tides, B&B. I am immediately impressed with my room, or more accurately the my en-suite bathroom. The bathroom contains a gigantic shower (large enough to house Donald Trump’s ego) AND a tub. The tub … The tub demands candles, bubble bath and a couple for whom cleanliness is a priority.

*

Arrived safely in Maputo yesterday. I leave for Vilanculos this afternoon. My accommodation for Vilanculos still isn’t sorted out. Panic.

The great adventure of 2013 is off to a rather dull start.

I am currently in Mthatha, home to the Nelson Mandela Museum (and not much else). I am here to provide training at the University of Walter Sisulu. (Read: I’ve been holed up in a computer room and haven’t had any time to explore.)

The hotel

The hotel (Green Park Lodge) was clean. There were no cockroaches. There were no holes in the towels. The shower was ridiculously large – large enough to hold 10 Pavarottis. The highlight of the lodge however was the lit fireplace in the dining room. Absolute heaven!

My only complaint (of course I have a complaint) is that the “vegetarian meal” consisting of fish, mash potatoes & frozen vegetables is a bit pricey at R120. The “vegetarian meal” did include a soft drink and chocolate mousse dessert.

*

I am currently in Joburg after spending 5 days in Durban and will be heading to Maputo tomorrow.

But before I jet off to the land of prawns, coconuts and coral reefs; I will be going to the Eastern Cape (for work). I will then head to Durban for 5 days. There I will gorge myself on bunny chows, surf in the warm Indian Ocean and explore uShaka Marine Park. Oh, and I’ll also be supporting my dad, who will be running his third Comrades Ultra-Marathon.

He has yet to complete the Comrades within the cut-off (he’s missed it by minutes) and I hope that by running the last 10km with him, he’ll find the strength to complete this momentous task. I also hope that one day I too will find the strength to run the entire 87km.

From Durban it’s just a “short” bus ride to Johannesburg and Maputo. (It’s an 8 hour bus ride from Durban to Joburg. And another 8 hours ride from Joburg to Maputo. Oh the fun I’ll have.)

From Maputo, I’ll head over to Vilanculos, where I’ll be joined by one of my dearest friends, Cazz. As yet we don’t have any set plans (other than to have fun), so if you have any tips or suggestions, please head on over to the comment section.

Instead we (me and my various personalities) will talk about my recent trip to Golden Gate Highlands National Park; a trip I’d been looking forward to for WEEKS.

Here follows a short account of my trip:

• I’d gone to GGHNP to showcase my department’s website at a national conference. Mid-way through my presentation, I noticed that the timekeeper was signaling that I only had 5 minutes left. Being a undiagnosed sufferer of Tourette’s, I replied with “Oh shit”, much to the amusement of 170 fellow attendees. I will now forever be known as the “Shit” woman. My parents would be so proud.
• GGHNP has nothing on Kruger National Park. During a 2 hour drive with Mad Phoenix, we spotted a grand total of 2 bokkies. (Confession: At one point we thought they were rhinos …)
• During the conference we heard a troop of baboons making a commotion.

Fahiema: What’s that?

Me: My stomach.

Fahiema: Really?

Yes, really and JLo comes to me for fashion advice.

• There’s nothing like four days in the Free State to make you appreciate Cape Town.

At certain points of most races, runners are supplied with water sachets or cups of coke (the beverage, not the narcotic). At the Langebaan Marathon, not only were runners supplied with a beverage to quench their thirst, but they were also offered jellybeans, oranges and chocolate. At each of these points, I’d come to an abrupt stop (causing a collision with the unsuspecting runner behind me) and shove a chocolate in the pouch of my T-shirt. At the end of the race, I’d shoved so many chocolates down the front of my T-shirt that resembled a human piñata.

Jou Ma Se Comedy

On Thursday night, my friends and I headed over to the Jou Ma Se Comedy Club in Observatory, to catch Nik Rabinovich (and some lesser known comedians) in action. Thanks to Nik, I now know that there is a clan in Kenya that pronounces the letter ‘L’ as ‘R’.

Kenyan: Where are you from?

Nik: South Africa.

Kenyan: Oh, I know a lot about your country.

Nik: What do you know about South Africa?

Kenyan: I know that your president, Jacob Zuma will be having a large erection soon.

Freedom Day

On Saturday, we celebrated Freedom Day (19 years of democracy, baby) and Juan’s birthday. To celebrate this auspicious occasion (I am of course, referring to Juan’s birthday), we trekked all the way to Darling for Evita Bezuidenhout’s latest offering.

Evita is … Pieter –Dirk Uys’ female persona. She provides satirical commentary of the ridiculousness that is South African politics.

Evita: During the apartheid era we weren’t very nice to Archbishop Desmond Tutu. We used to call him a communist. He wasn’t. He is an Anglican.

Evita: My husband used to work for parliament during the apartheid era. He had two portfolios – black housing and water affairs. But he was smart. He combined the two. He built black homes in a dam.

Golden Gate Highlands National Park

Did I mention that I’ll be going to Golden Gate Highlands National Park? So excited.