“Who is going to support them in following through?” was my next question. The very seasoned and empathetic facilitator shrugged his shoulders and said he didn’t really know. The client didn’t have the budget to have follow ups. They were on their own. 

That first job was a decade ago and the question still burns in my mind. This time it is related to our year long design shop of learning to live and thrive in a pandemic. Since the beginning we have been in a rush to get out of it. Our cultural fast food mentality gave us the expectation that we would soon be “back to normal”. Over the year, we realized these adjustments we had made to continue business as close to usual as possible were likely to remain with us for a long time to come. 

What happens next? 

I received my second dose of the Pfizer vaccine last week and I have been slow on the uptake of what that means. In December my tenth grandchild was born. The reality of being able to hold him in my arms soon is dawning. I am about to open my American Airlines app and book a flight to Philadelphia, something that was second nature one year ago and now something I have trepidation to do, knowing that though vaccinated, I still have to be careful for me and for others. 

What have a I learned over this last year that I must do to prepare for stepping back out into the world?

That is the rising burning question for me and one I ask of you. Though some disagree, I have believed for a long time that everything happens for a reason. This gives me the mindset to find the gold buried in the poop emoji. I used to languish in what that gold might be and this last year has taught me that life moves like the TGV speeding along at nearly 190 miles per hour through the French countryside. Right now it feels of utmost importance to find the gold in what we have learned over this past year that we would like to take with us as we reenter the world and create a new normal. 

What have you learned to appreciate over this last year that you would like to take with you as life evolves into a new normal? 

As I pondered the question, sitting in the parking lot of the vet clinic waiting for my little surprisingly emotionally supportive dog’s appointment, I watched the person in the car beside me talking with the vet tech. Speaking through their masked faces, they were looking deeply into each others’ eyes. Daily work and personal zoom and FaceTime calls requires the same focused attention. My hope and my intent is that we continue this recognition of each other and we continue to see each other and look into each others’ eyes to communicate our feelings. 

Seeing each other.

I asked this same question of my 16 year old grandson. His response was both surprising and hopeful of what the young people have learned and will carry forth. 

“A big thing that I’ve noticed is active listening. You have to listen to people really well now in order to understand and I think that’ll be a big domino effect for little kids generation.”

Listening to each other.

What have you learned and what will you carry forth? 

Comparison is the thief of joy…and the root of “not enough” feelings. As I recommit to coaching, writing, illustrating, posting Verbal Remedies, and ask the world (me?) to take me seriously in this work, I find myself comparing. I was on a call last night with amazing women who are all speaking and offering their gifts at the same event that I am. I looked at all their faces on the zoom call and found myself in awe to be in such company. Quiet thoughts of insecurity passed through my head as I listened to them owning who they are.

I’ve been there before. So many times, only to find out later others were thinking the same thoughts, comparing themselves to me. I’m willing to bet that most of us do that. We scope the landscape to see where we might fit. We chip away at our own hopes and dreams in order to find a comfort zone and be accepted.

Well STOP THAT MIERDE! Commit to being curious about yourself and what you have to offer. Commit to being engaged in your one very precious life. Look to your hopes and dreams and stay on your path, even when it gets bumpy. Especially when it gets bumpy…you will know it’s your own path…it’s not so well travelled because it is uniquely your own.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~ Anais Nin

I have been drawn to this quote for years but never more than now. It is time for us to step up and be who we are, blossom, because it is so much more than enough to make a difference in a world that urgently needs our participation. 

So who are you? What did you come here to learn? What did you come here equipped to do? What is your role in this upside down world? What are your next steps to take?

The “What’s Right With Me?” Workshop will help you to answer those questions and set the foundation for now and the rest of your life.

“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for…” ~ Hopi Elders (click link for Hopi Message)

So many of us have never taken the time to ask ourselves what it means to be who we are. We have let the demands of our culture direct us into the lives that we live. We have given over responsibility of what happens to or around us. We ask “what are they going to do about this…why aren’t they doing something to fix this?” What this time in our history is showing us is that it is up to each of us. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for all our lives.

What makes this workshop different, other than the new virtual aspect, is that we draw out our answers. That’s right. Draw. I will ask you to show up prepared with markers or crayons and paper. Adding this element engages your whole brain, making it easier to illuminate and reach into the places that have been pushed to the dark corners of our souls so we can operate in the world as we are expected to…conforming to norms that may not necessarily and probably don’t fit who it is you had envisioned yourself to be at one time. 

I know that this drawing out your answers idea is essential from my experience as a graphic facilitator in corporate settings. I draw what is being talked about in meetings…that’s my day job and it changes the dynamics of a meeting. It facilitates a whole body engagement. People not only listen more but they understand and retain more of the information being presented. And afterward there is a picture of what has been talked about.

The “What’s Right With Me?” workshop consists of 13 simple, non-rocket science questions, asked over a period of 2 hours via the virtual meeting platform Zoom.

• You will remember and learn the truth of who you are during our time together and you will continue to do so after the workshop. 

• You will remember passions, you will see the beauty of the unique individual soul that you are. 

• You will find joy in recognizing someone you have known was there but too afraid to look to see if that was real in case of disappointment. I promise you that person will emerge and keep emerging with the new awareness that comes out of this workshop. 

• You will have an actual, as well as proverbial, picture of who you are to support you in moving forward, taking steps everyday. 

• You will find the love and acceptance and respect for yourself and you will be well-equipped to find that love and acceptance for others.

Love is a force for change…and we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that things need to change. Can I get an “amen”?

Click this link to sign up to be on the mailing list for the next available space in a “What’s Right With Me?” Workshop.

Several years ago in my “What’s Right With Me?” workshop I was offering to a leadership team, a seemingly very strong and powerful woman on the team stood up and gruffly announced “I’m too sensitive!” We had a delicious conversation around her proclamation, ending with a man on the team stating that everyone knew she was sensitive and they all needed her to be sensitive because they weren’t. With that, she sat down and there was a collective sigh of relief as everyone began to realize that one thing they had been hiding about themself must be ok too. One person’s vulnerability inspired a roomful of vulnerability. A beautiful moment courtesy of a beautifully courageous woman.

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” – Barack Obama

This morning I read that Jimmy Carter has stage IV melanoma. Not a good prognosis. My father died at 57 from melanoma. Last fall I was given a diagnosis of stage 0, non-invasive, insitu melanoma. Sounds like the best you can get if you’re gonna get it…to me. So much so that I couldn’t bring myself to say that I had a cancer. That word is so very difficult to ascribe to self. Meanwhile, my very dear and close friend was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. Another very dear and close friend died suddenly. All within the month of August and early September. The fall began as a time of grief and acceptance. The winter thru now has been a journey of healing.

As I feel the upcoming fall season, and reflect on where things are, I feel the urgency of life and getting the most out of it on a day to day basis. This summer I had knee surgery to clean out damage done over years and specifically in a fall while on a hike 2 years ago. So, rather than the summer I keep dreaming of and felt ready for doing on my own, being on the water, riding my bike, hiking, I was resting and recovering.

Now the summer is coming to a close. The children are back in school. Nights are a little cooler, a little crispy. I love this time of year. And it also brings up the sadness of a summer gone by once again unfulfilled. Or is it? Unfulfilled. I can’t quite feel that, though it is there and I am choosing not to go down that lane.

What does this summer and past year have to show me? Is this another level of healing a sad soul? I have harbored a secret (and not so secret at times) sadness throughout my entire life. It is a sadness born of feeling very much adrift from humanity, a separation of sorts between me and another human singular human being. My mother was not the mothering kind. She didn’t like any of the mess that comes with a child. She didn’t hug, didn’t kiss, except quick and perfunctory. She yelled. She told us all in various ways we were a pain and a burden to her. Though I know my sister has voiced the same, I felt alone in feeling unloved. Things and people change and now, at 86, Mom is learning it’s ok to be vulnerable and love openly. In doing so, she is showing us the person we always wished for is in there and a real possibility. She is allowing us the safety of loving her.

Coming into this past spring, my ex-husband entered the scene once again. He is an addict who lives for the appropriate moments he is able to drink and smoke. I lived for the “in between” of those moments and they became fewer and fewer until they didn’t exist much at all. After the divorce, my children began to bear the burden of his alcoholism. My son took him to rehab nearly a decade ago and gave him a home for the first 5 months following, which coincided with the first 5 months of the oldest daughter’s life. This past spring, my ex was given an over-the-top fresh start when an ultra-sound tech searching for reasons his heart was acting up made an intuitive detour and found a leaking aortic aneurism and saved his life. He went through alcohol and nicotine withdrawal in the ICU for 10 days. My son and oldest daughter saw him through it.

Our hope was that he would take this opportunity to find life again but he didn’t. He lived with my daughter and her family for 4 months, sneaking off to drink a six pack or so at the lake. I took on the task of telling him it was time to leave. And he did, leaving in his wake the sadness that has pervaded his life. Nothing is normal anymore. My children are finding their way around the emotions that accompany the knowing that your dad is not coming back, and that he has chosen it. How do you reconcile that? My new role is to be both parents to my children and I am learning how to do that.

A few years ago, I was told by an intuitive that my ex-husband was corded into my soul through my knee. I tossed that over my shoulder as probably just a lot of ooga-booga and hopeful thinking that there is something more magical than meets the eye going on here. I am thinking and feeling differently now. I am feeling pretty certain that it’s more real than not. Or is it a coincidence that, as I have a clear and final break with my ex, I have a clean out knee surgery? Maybe. Maybe not.

What is apparent to me is that life goes quickly and all of us do die in the end. My hope is that I live a very long and healthy life and my fear is that I won’t get to experience all that I long to experience. I have been holding on to the hope that I would meet the man of my dreams and we would do these things together. I have been waiting to live my life until it looks like I think it should look. Slowly as I gather more confidence and love for myself, I am moving into doing things on my own, like buying a house and taking care of my health, both physically, spiritually and emotionally. Next up is my trip to France.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk to blossom.” – Anais Nin

A really quick coloring page … Risk Butterfly_bw

Here’s the image downloadable as a coloring page...Awareness