Nearly 2 decades ago…not really sure of the time frame…I made a decision to “practice positive”, switch around how I focused on things, situations and people around me. My well-entrenched habit was to look at things as though the bottom was about to fall out of any situation, if it hadn’t already. What I know now is that a shift in what I focus on in any given situation determines how I move through it and how it it affects those around me.

This weekend I made the decision to euthanize my little, wacky, beloved Shih Tzu, Chloe. “Put her to sleep” is more preferred as it portrays a loving kindness that was inherently wished for in taking the action.

My dear friend Amos stood through it with me. She helped me to stay grounded. Just by her presence as she freely and lovingly fed back to me my open thoughts. Guiding me to a stronger self.

The circle of fine women who gathered. Divinely given.

The support team at the vet hospital. Beautiful.

And Chloe. Brave Chloe. Strong Chloe. Loving Chloe. Feisty Chloe. Insistent Chloe. She kept us captive of a bit of tension in her later years. Still she delighted with her latest toy, the green alligator. Molly hasn’t touched it since Chloe has been gone. Molly is sad. She is my big briard that Chloe bullied. A site to see with the two of them playing tug of war inches from each others face. Chloe was a daredevil. Or she simply didn’t let size be a unit of measure of worth to her.

I pray she is at peace with my decision, that she is happy about it. That she is free of pain. That she knows she is loved and missed. That she is playing with Luci. Chloe and Luci. Namaste.

Short and lovely visit with Kathii in Minneapolis…

Kathi is 3 years younger than me which makes no difference now but certainly did when we were growing up. I got when she was still in high school…me just barely out. We became best friends, talking nearly every day for 26years until my divorce somehow also ended our best friendship. Kathi pretty much kicked me out of her life which I don’t quite understand to this day. However, she is back in, I am back in. Our trip to LA put us there. I was scribing for Marianne Williamson and Kathi came out to help. Somehow we found each other again.

I don’t think about the years in between so much but I wonder why we had to come apart as we did. Certainly a lot of life happened in the meantime. The question that makes its rounds in my head is why now? What is happening that brings us back together now? Are we seeing the passing of life? Are we both embracing who we are and that brings us back to those days when we were young and dependent upon the existence of each other?

Life is very interesting from the vantage point of 50 something. It is easier to see how things fit together. I have a greater trust that all works out and that even the so called bad stuff in life is purposeful. We are not in this life alone. We have an effect on others. I just read an article in the Wall Street Journal this morning about a man in a town that was decimated by the tsunami in Japan last March. He took over the family bakery business after college, not what he was planning at all. At 54 he watched from high ground as wave after wave plowed over his town. When it all subsided his bakery along with the rest of the town was gone. he is now finding, as he rebuilds, how important his baked goods are for people who are looking for places of comfort, places of home. Not a very earth shattering, world saving kind of work by most accounts. Simply a remembrance of how life once was, giving strength for others to keep going.

We never know how the seemingly small things affect others…until we pay attention. A nod, a smile may be all it takes to change a days experience for someone.

Later in the day I got the news from my dog sitter (who is great, by the way! Asheville Pet Steward…check him out on fb) that there was an “aggressive” bear in my neighborhood. Though there are some woods across the street, the mall is literally over the fence in my backyard! Seems an odd place for a bear to show up.

And just to make things crazier, I had written an email to a friend (before the bear showed up) that was titled the same as the title of this blog post. Oh, yeah, and I had drawn a journey map for a client based on the wizard of oz theme. Life imitating art or some such thing. I imagine if I were looking at my life from “above” it I would be laughing…I guess I am laughing a bit anyway.

So all this traveling puts me out of touch with a consistent social network at home and my socializing seems to be primarily the teams I work with and a few really great friends I mostly hang out with via cell phone. One of those friends is my sister. We are having a renewed relationship as we both seem to be needing the other for a landing place in the rough seas. It is really nice to have her and the other women I talk with, of varying ages. My children are also a big part of my life, all grown up and growing families of their own. In fact we just added the newest family member last Saturday with the birth of my daughter’s daughter. Holding her today was a little slice of heaven and a big dose of what is real and important.

I am hoping that with my latest technological purchase of my iPad and downloading wordpress app that I will write more frequently and share what I hope is Interesting and inspiring. That remains to be seen.

Tomorrow I will talk to a group of artists, entrepreneurial creatives who have come to a free workshop about the legal side of their business of selling their art. What I bet is that these are people who are determined to make their world happen as they have envisioned. Though I am not sure of what I will say exactly, I am sure that my intent is for as many people as possible walking away with a renewed sense of appreciation for themselves. And a knowing that they are part of the change of this world, looking to organic beauty, looking to peace, looking to love.

I am excited because this is what I have planned to be my future, offering conversation with an audience, encouraging those people to be who they are because it is so much more than enough to make a difference in this world. I experimented with this last year when I thought I might be dying. I had no medical reason to think so, it was just a fear because my father died at my age most likely. Well I made it to this next birthday a couple weeks ago and, as life would have it, it seems rather than ending my life is just beginning once again. Perhaps that is what I sensed was dying, that person I had been being because I was afraid to be me.

And now, now that I am allowing myself to see myself, all kinds of wonderful things are showing up. Things that I had been trying so hard to  make happen are flowing more easily into my world. I am most grateful for all that I have and am getting pretty demanding that a couple that are outstanding find their way in. One is more wonderful work and the other is a romance…pretty standard fare. Match.com and eHarmony are not the answer. Are you possibly reading this? Dare to dream

A Hope Elder Speaks

“You have been telling the people that this is the Hour. And there are things to be considered…

Where are you living?

What are you doing?

What are your relationships?

Are you in right relation?

Where is your water?

Know your garden.

It is time to speak your Truth.

Create your community.

Be good to each other.

And do not look outside yourself for the leader.”

Then he clasped his hands together, smiled, and said, “This could be a good time!”

“There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are torn apart and will suffer greatly.

“Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water. And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.

“The time for the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.” –attributed to an unnamed Hopi Elder, Oraibi, Arizona

Okay…I’m back again blogging. Ready to inspire and be inspired. For a while I just couldn’t get here, using the excuse I don’t want to lose the TEDx talk as my first entry for people to see. Even after I posted that video on my blipstudio.com site as well, I continued to use that excuse. The truth is that I was going through some stuff. Not tough stuff, just stuff. And I didn’t want to let it end up on the page, so to speak, until I moved through it and could write about it from the point of view of having done that. So here’s the gist of it…Last year was an amazing year with lots of great stuff popping up in it, like the graphic recording work, even doing that for Marianne Williamson. And the TEDx talk. I thought I had finally made it! Woo hoo! And it all seemed to disappear and I wondered “what’s wrong with me?” that I can’t sustain these great things that come into my life. It seemed to be my life story…something great shows up and then it just fades away. I get the big prize and then whoever or whatever figures out it was me that just got that and takes it back. Ooops. Not for her. She doesn’t get that.

That story started in 1st grade, at least in my earliest memory. Sister Alice Mary was giving away gifts at the end of the school year. The girl who Sister loved sat in front of me and we switched places in line. When I got to Sister’s desk, without looking up she handed me a big beautiful box of Blessed Mother stuff. I gasped and felt like I’d just been handed gold. Then…she looked up, saw it was me and took it away, handing me a holy card. Blammo. Proof that I was not worthy of such a great gift. Not good enough.

I then spent the rest of my life finding proof that I was not good enough. Not consciously, it was just the theme. We find proof of our inner most beliefs.

So what to do about that? Change the belief system, which I had thought I did, at least in my head. But some part of that belief lingered apparently, stored in my body. It was moving out because, as similar as everything was, it was also different. Instead of believing that I wasn’t good enough and walking away from all of the gold, I continued to forge ahead. I’d seen the results of me doing my “thing” in public through the TEDx talk and graphic recording gigs. People were definitely inspired, the work was definitely making a difference. I was making a difference. I started to look at what was right with me and put my focus there.

In Marianne Williamson’s book “The Gift of Change” she talks about going into every room of your house, metaphorically. Sitting down in each room and checking it out, seeing what you like and don’t like, open the closets and take a look. In other words, look at yourself and look at your shadow, all those things about us we hide from even ourselves. We’ve all got stuff we don’t like and that’s okay. It’s like sitting in a room of your house, realizing you just don’t like the color of the paint on the walls. Once you admit that, you have a choice to either get another color and paint or just let it be and know that you’ll either paint it someday or you won’t. Now you won’t have to close the door on that room any longer. No more hiding what it is in there you don’t like.

Alrighty…off to a meditation. That and yoga keeps me balanced. Have a great and beautiful day.