And I’m not a hater because I think Alicia Keys is overrated. Hell, she is.

No, I think I’m a hater because I’ve come to the conclusion that I hate overly educated pretentious Black folks. And my hate goes even further because these are the people that white America deems to be our next leaders. In fact, let’s pause here for a second and think about something. Many Black folks think that we do not have any Black leaders right now. However, I think the white upper echelon of politics and academia thinks we do. Do you know why they think we do??? Because they proclaimed some of these people as our leaders.

The Bill Cosbys, Steve Harvey, the Cornel Wests, the Michael Eric Dysons, Diddy,  etc.  It’s essentially the people that they look to as shining examples of leadership and thought in the Black community. And you know what, outside of Colin and Condi…A LOT of Black folks don’t even know who those people are. Which means that we don’t even pick our leaders anymore. Long gone are the days where the leaders actually connected with the people they were allegedly leading. And you know what the big difference is nowadays???

Black folks could actually UNDERSTAND the leaders of old. Which brings me to why I’m a hater of overly educated Black folks. Now this might sound like one of the most ignant things I’ve ever said but maybe if I explain what I’m talking about, it won’t sound so ignant. And keep in mind, I’m a hater, mmkay??

So I’ve been reading a book by Michael Eric Dyson on Marvin Gaye. It’s called Mercy, Mercy Me: The Art, Love, and Demons of Marvin Gaye. Honestly, don’t buy this book. I promise you that you’re life will be better for it. You know how when you read a book about somebody’s life you tend to gain some insight?? Nope, not with Dyson books. In fact, I’ve read three of his books. This current book, Holler If You Hear Me, which was about Tupac, and I May Not Get There With You about Dr. Martin Luther tha King, Jr. It’s the same thing with all of his books. I walk away with nothing, save a few tidbits of knowledge that I’d heard before but never seen in print format.

You might say, well, Panama, why do you continue to read his books??? And I’d say, well, because for some reason, I keep hearing how his books are so great and that Dyson is this thinker who is providing insight into the Black community. Frankly, I’m starting to get pissed. And I’m not pissed that his books suck, I’m pissed that he is taking Black mythic personas, over intellectualizing them, and turning them into these stories for white people to tell at their swanky dinner affairs when the subject of Black people comes up.

Now why do these books suck though?? Well, have you ever TRIED to read one of these books by these overly educated Black people?? Look, I’m not Einstein, but I learned how to read good a long time ago. I’ve got degrees.

So why is it that I cannot understand for the life of me what the hell these bastards are talking about half of the time? Reading should not be a labor.  Why the f*ck won’t you write in a way that average people who could probably benefit the most from your insight (a**uming you actually have any, I couldn’t tell since it took me forever to actually get through your damn book) could understand.

And this is the same problem that many of our overly educated Black folks have. This desire and need to appease white people, because honestly, that’s who is reading these books, and convince them that they are educated. And once again we come upon the problem of looking to white people for validation. I guess in this sense I understand since those are the folks who are going to deem you the next Black leaders anyway, because surely Black folks aren’t. Black folks want leaders that understand them and can relate. We don’t even know who some of our “leaders” are.

Then again, like guns, books don’t lead people, people kill books.

Or something like that.

I guess the larger point is this:  how can you lead if nobody even understands how to follow you?

Maybe I’m blowing smoke.  Maybe I’m smoking blow.

Either way, the fact remains, there seems to be a disconnect between Black leaders and the community.

Or is there?

Good people of VSB that don’t want to think this hard on a Friday, does the Black community have any leaders right now?

Better yet, do we even need any?

Learn me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

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1. VSB.com Special Report: The Return of the Black Man’s Hat…Again
2. Love.Hater.
3. Black Heat: VSB Guide To the Dos and Don’ts of Summer Madness

However, there is a notion out there that there is NEVER a reason for a man to place his hands on a woman.  I don’t 100 percent agree. Like most things in life, it depends.  There are certain behaviors that women can exhibit that can warrant definite a**whippage potential.

So let’s delve.

Panama’s Postulation 2.16: Any irrational behavior a woman exhibits toward her man is done under the assumption that her man will not hit her under any circumstances.

This is a terrible assumption to live under.  When arguments and loud-talk come into play, people move from the realm of logic into the realm of the irrational. Irrational people don’t think rationally.  The more buttons you push, the less rational an individual becomes, regardless of gender. It becomes even less of a rational situation when actual physical contact of any sort is made. At that point, we’ve devolved into the realm of pure and utter mind chaos.

I’m not doing this to excuse any man from ever putting his hands on a woman in a negative way. I’m doing this to make sure that you don’t have to bail out the idiot you helped put into jail tomorrow. Or on Monday if you all decide to act dumb on weekend night.

Women, let’s examine some things that you should never do. Rather, things that if you were to do them to me, I’d consider whipping your a**.

1. Pull a knife.

Yes, oh yes. If you want to see how good a man’s jab is, pull a knife on him. At knife pullage, you have moved from the realm of chick I know into bastard who is threatening my life. If you even THINK about putting that knife down before the cops come…you just might get Iked. And oh yes…yes the cops are coming because if I manage to get a good lick in, I’m knocking the knife out of your hands and commencing to treat you like the man you wanted to emulate. And will do so until the cops come knockin’.

You see, I live under this little assumption:

Panama’s Postulation 7.08.009: If somebody pulls a weapon on you, always assume they are going to use it.

Which segues into this one…

2. Pull a gun.

Extreme circumstances I know. But this needs no explanation. If you decide to pull a gun, and then decide not to use it, you’ve decided for me that you are going to be beat to a living pulp and that you are interested in having your name etched out in the laurels of Black History.

Those were two extremes, but let’s move into the more common circumstances.

3) Hitting in the face with a closed fist

Do it and, well, you might have to die.  Honestly, I don’t understand where the idea that hitting a man is okay comes from anyway. Hitting, under this premise, implies manly a** behavior. Especially, when you all decide to do it repeatedly. Every hit reduces his common sense by one percentage point. At about 49 percent, homeboy might snap. I suggest you take this into consideration next time you decide to lay some mollywoppage on a man and count your “blessings.”

You know, I think there’s another assumption at play here too. For some reason, I believe a lot of women think that it doesn’t take much to restrain oneself. Maybe its because women often times do not restrain themselves and just let us have all their emotions when pissed. Controlled pissedoffedness is not easy. It doesn’t take much to make a man snap after he’s begun the process of de-rationalization.

And sometimes…just SOMETIMES, us men understand. Which is why we put up with a lot of it. Hell, many times its our fault. He cheated, he knows this. You hit him, or slap him, he might just try to shake the sh*t out of you and restrain you.

Only in those circumstances are you somewhat in the clear. In all other circumstances, you are not. I repeat you are not. All this manly behavior is a sure fire way to become black history.

Once again, I don’t think a man should hit a woman, unless she decides that she wants to test her gangsta by testing his gangsta and get all manly on him.  On rare occasions however, the line isn’t so cut and dry.

So, good compadres of VSB, am I offbase?  Is there no reason for a man to EVER put his hands on a woman?  Or are there certain circumstances where it’s warranted?

Solve the riddle.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Related posts:

1. The Man vs. Woman Series: The Great Lotion Debate
2. two reasons why men are “better” at friendship than women are
3. close-bus syndrome: six signs that a woman has been friend-zoned

I’m offended when I meet a black dude, gay or straight, with no bass in his voice whatsoever. Nobody should feel like they’re talking to a flute when you speak.

2. Men who give very feminine weak a** dap

What kind of sh*t is that? You ever met a dude who just gave you an ole limp hand dap or didn’t even finish the sh*t off? Like a black dude who forgot to lock the sh*t up at the end? F*ckin’ offends me. I always wonder where they come from or where they were raised. I know some folks who give pussydap. And it makes me feel dirty

3. Green sauces

I know this one is kind of off-kilter but I just don’t trust green sauces. Avocado, guacamole, relish. Do you remember the Garbage Pail Kids? Me too. When the garbage can fell over, slimy green sauce that favored guacamole came out. I’ve been ruined since I was 8. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like green sauces…if you try to give me green sauce, I’ll try to kill you with the force of a thousand meese.

Or I’ll just ask for some ketchup or something. Something that resembles blood because that’s natural!

4. Black men who exclusively date outside of their race, or anybody who does that for that matter

Because I don’t understand it, I can’t trust it. When faced with the buffet of beautiful women of your same race, I do not understand how a man can rebuke them all and determine they aren’t good enough. That man doesn’t like himself and probably has a bad case of Ajax.

5. Black folks who wear blue contacts

Umm…you’re lying to yourself so you will lie to me. Hell, I’d be skeptical if they told me that 2+2=4. I’d want to know exactly how they came to that conclusion because I’d think there was a lie in there somewhere.

6. White people

I keed, I keed. My best friend is white! :))

That’s a lie too. Don’t trust me.

7. Cauliflower

This is true though. I do not trust white vegetables. There is something seriously wrong when there is only one white vegetable out there. How is it that only ONE veggie is white? There are a few green veggies, a few yellow, and a few orange. But just one white. The gig is up b*tch. And I ain’t drinkin’ the kool-aid.

8. Black people who are too good for Kool-Aid

I vehemently believe that if you are too good for Kool-aid, you should just perish. Kool-Aid is everything that’s right with the world.

9. Black people who don’t like Black people

Does this even need an explanation?

10. Folks who tell you that they’d never kick you while you’re down, while you watch them kick somebody else while they’re down

The dumb sh*t here is that folks will honestly mean it…right up until they do it to you. They’ll tell you that you aren’t like other people then WHAM! Steel-toed workboots all up in you’re a**.

11. North Korea

Not sure why, but that place just gives me the willies.

12. Anybody who hasn’t seen Coming To America

Because its perfect in every way but one.  Not sure what that one way is, but nobody’s perfect.  Jesus teaches me so.

13.     Anybody who wasn’t moved while watching the Michael Jackson memorial service

You have no soul.  Stevie Wonder almost brought tears to my eyes.  That was a very fitting, well done, and moving homegoing ceremony.  Even Al Shartpon came with the thunder.  If you find a way to hate on this, you should just go eat two bay leaves and an anvil.  RIP MJ.

So good people of VSB, what don’t you trust?

Sharing is caring.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Related posts:

1. Who Is He And What Is He To You?: 5 Couples You’ll Never See Ever
2. Muffin.
3. 10 Songs All Black People Should Know.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I do not understand dude’s buzz.  He’s a good rapper/singer combo guard, but I’m just not wowed.  However, I have to come to homey’s defense right now since it seems like everybody and their mama is upset at young Drizzy for his video for “Best I Ever Had”.

(Video is most not-safe-for-work-safe-for-work video ever.)

I love this video, despite itself.

Huh?

Glad you asked.

In this Kanye West directed video there is basically no point.  In fact, the video doesn’t seem to have much in the way of a story or concept (though Drake did his BEST to give a bogus concept explanation to Complex magazine).  It seems the video’s main purpose was to show boobs-a-floppin’.

Glory day.

As soon as I saw the video I knew the sh*tstorm was coming.  Let’s run down the “problems” with the video, shall we?

- all the chicks are lightskint

- all the chick’s boobs are on display, pretty much throughout the video

- lots of gratuitous stretching, Rosa Acosta style shots

- no real point to the video, period

- lots of chexual innuendo (”take the D”)

- like most Kanye West videos, the video doesn’t relate to the song whatsoever

That’s a lot of fodder for discussion, but none of that is a good reason for it to be catching flack - hell it’s the general outline for most of today’s videos.  The reason he’s catching flack is this:  it’s the video for “Best I Ever Had”, the song that makes most women love the Young Angel.  With this one song, women everywhere who pretty much don’t care for most of today’s rap found the one man who acknowledged the ladies and put them on a pedestal even if in other songs he referencing women as ho*s.

That, and that alone is his biggest problem.  Women have expectations for Drake.  A while back I posited 10 reasons why women love Drake, and though I didn’t mention it, this song is largely the reason.  Women decided that Drake was the respectful savior to today’s generally exploitation heavy hip-hop while forgetting one simple fact.

Drake is still a man.

(I actually think the video is semi-genius; make the music for the ladies but make the videos for the men.  Great Gatsby!)

Once the video aired, many women were up in arms (I’ve stayed reading message boards about this because the response befuddles me, from women AND men).  How could Drake make such an “ignorantly, exploitative video”?  How come there are so many boobs?  How come all the boob-ers are light skinned?

Aside: I’ve often wondered if Black women would feel better if the exploitation was more diverse?  A lot of the arguments about videos is that all the women are light, ethnically ambiguous to white looking women.  If they were all darkskint, would that be better?  Is exploitation more palatable as long as everybody gets their shot to be exploited?  Methinks not.  Then again, I didn’t think Jodeci would end up on crack.

From an artistic standpoint, the video adds absolutely nothing to the song.  In fact, the video just comes across as some sh*t they basically decided to do on a random Wednesday, and because they could, they called everybody they knew and just started rolling film with a bunch of litebrite models.  No harm, no foul really. And if it was anybody but Drake, this video would probably be written off as just another video that does nothing more than exist.  Kind of like a Plies video.

But this is Drake, hip-hop’s wunderkid.  He’s making music women can enjoy and appreciate without feeling like they’re betraying the gender.  He’s not supposed to be like every other rapper out there.  He’s wheelchair Jimmy for goodness’ sake.

Great expectations.

Poor guy, really.  First he gives a sh*tty performance on the national stage on BET, now he’s giving the boob treatment to his “respectful” chick song.

Oh well.  Score one more for mankind.  I personally don’t see the big deal.  Rather, I wonder what people were expecting?  Aside from this one song, most of his other songs fit right in with the “regular rapper mold”.  Plus he runs with Lil Wayne and Kanye - proprietor of the “Throw Some D’s” remix aimed at D-cups, not Daytons.

Perhaps, I’m being shortsighted.

What say you?

Is the video backlash warranted?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

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2. The Man vs. Woman Series: The Great Lotion Debate
3. the great debates

Those are things that go together like Peaches & Herb, Sonny & Cher, jail and buttchex.

Some people just seem to fit together. Some folks are just peas in a pod. But there’s also the other side of the game where you get oil and milk. Vodka and Hennessey.

OJ Simpson and life.

Some things just aren’t intended to be no matter the Fates best intentions.

With that said, here are 6 5 couples you’ll NEVER ever see together.

1) the guy who drives a Dodge Magnum with a Hemi and a woman who drives a Prius

Think about it. Anybody who drives a Prius actively went out and bought the armpit of ugly cars. And they bought it because they care about the gas mileage AND the environment. You can’t tell me otherwise. If you just care about gas mileage you’d get a Camry or an Accord or something…anything that looks better than a Prius. If you have a Magnum, you’re basically saying f*ck it to all things environmental. Those two people would not be getting along…at all. Though I almost think a dude with a Prius might date a chick with a Magnum assuming she was hot enough. But women tend to be more steadfast with their causes…even those that put you in a Prius.

2) PETA advocate and a person with common sense

I hate PETA. F*ck PETA. And I’m an animal lover. Any organization that willingly goes after the motherf*cking PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES for killing a fly has clearly lost its ever loving mind. Besides, its hard for somebody with such an extreme cause to date anybody who isn’t 100 percent on that bandwagon, especially something as polarizing as PETA. You can love animals and not be insane, though I’m not sure Pink knows that.

3) The Ohio State University alumni and University of Michigan alumni

Well, at least you shouldn’t see this. Even if you don’t care about sports you should at least respect the history here and just date somebody from the other state schools or something. Where’s the respect for the rivalry?

4) the jazz music lover and the person whose only CD is the Best of No Limit

If you’re both, great. Otherwise, there’s no way these two could probably ever work out under any circumstance. For one, he probably wants to get some lovin’ to Mingus and she’s like, who’s Mingus? Can we get some Adina Howard. Or she’s like, Miles Davis’s Kind of Blue always puts me in the mood and he’s like, “yeah, I feel that, but when I need to unwind I listen to Pastor Troy ‘Vice Versa’ cuz that song is deep and it makes me think.”

By the way, “Vice Versa” is not a deep song. At all.

5) Spike Lee stan vs. a Tyler Perry stan

Both make some pretty wack movies at times, but at least Spike will always have Malcolm X, Bamboozled, School Daze, and Do The Right Thing. Tyler Perry only has Why Did I Get Married? This probably wouldn’t work because they’d annoy each other arguing about the nuances of each “genre” and anybody who would make a positive argument for the Madea character would get stabbed by the Spike stan who’s probably overstating Spike’s relevance at this point. For God’s sake, he made She Hate Me. I’m not sure what’s worse, She Hate Me or Tyler Perry’s Family Reunion, but I do know one thing, they both sucked monkey nuts.

6) black dude with dreads shouting Black power and a white Becky-style chick

I mean any dude with dreads has to be down for the cause right? He wouldn’t dip in that pool and let down his sisters like that. Earthtones, Malcolm X rhetoric, and the locs representing the motherland? That brotha is all about making sure he’s looking for the woman with the sweetest juice.

So, my good friends of VSB, what other couples have no way of ever happening?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

p.s. Please remember to vote for us for the Black Weblog Awards. All it takes is a few clicky clicks on our ballot page.

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to celebrate the nations theft from the indians and eventual independence and honor our crime fighting committments, today the red carpet is completely yours.

any question you want to ask, taboo subject you want to bring up, or queries about alize’s combs, fire away.

we’re all fam and sh*t. don’t be scurred

—the champ

Related posts:

1. wanted: black marriage public relations specialist

don’t be mad at me, though. i can’t help it, and even if i could, i probably wouldn’t. it seems like it’d be too time-consuming

still, while being the sh*t has its obvious perks and bonuses (ie: free chicken from starbucks and the inherent ability to switch stations back the exact moment the commercial is over), i’m actually a bit over my sh*ttyness now because apparently everyone else thinks they’re the sh*t too. bummer

between our blogs, twitters, facebook accounts, smart phones, ironic pseudonyms, unironic tattoos, concentrated tastes, and highly specialized professional skill-sets, we have enough collective self-importance to fill aretha’s bras.

while extensive ego-stroking is undoubtedly fun and surprisingly practical (i’ve become quite adept at one-handed typing), hannah seligson’s “do narcissists have better sex” presents evidence that this me-me-me mindset is ruining relationships:

The most recent research on narcissism runs contrary to what the legions of self-help experts have proselytized when it comes to finding love—that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. (jean) Twenge says that’s a fallacy. “There is no evidence that people with very high self-esteem are any better in a relationship than people with low self-esteem.”

In fact, narcissism, even in small doses, has shifted courtship into a high-stakes relationship culture. Now that people think more highly of themselves, expectations of what a relationship should be like have skyrocketed into the realm of superlatives. Twentysomethings not only expect to waltz into high-level career positions right out of college, they also expect partners who have the moral fortitude of Nelson Mandela, the comedic timing of Stephen Colbert, the abs of Hugh Jackman, and the hair of Patrick Dempsey.

“Everyone is looking for ‘the perfect product,’” says Perel, who says she believes this is creating not just emotional, but also sexual, frustration. “People are not willing to compromise, or willing to be patient.”

while i definitely agree that too much self-regard ruins romance (”cockiness” and “the ability to compromise” mix like black and bleach) i can’t help but think that this pandemic hyper-haughtiness is just an evolved form of self-preservation.

i think that we’ve seen so many blah relationships and broken families that we’ve collectively lost confidence in each other, transforming “do you“ from an highly egocentric mantra to an imperative must.

vaingloriousness is somewhat justified if you honestly (and rightly) feel helplessly vulnerable without it.

people of vsb.com, what do you think?

is this selfishness self-sabotaging ourselves, or is this conceitedness crucial to surviving now? (or both?) the carpet’s yours and sh*t.

now, please excuse me while i continue getting over my own sh*ttyness. don’t wait up. this might take a while.

—the champ

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admittedly, i haven’t been as affected by mj’s sudden death as most others seem to be. while i’m saddened by his untimely end, the news registered with me more in a “damn. someone famous as f*ck just died!!” sense than a “he was a part of my life” sense.

(in fact, when my girlfriend first texted “m.jackson just died” to me, i assumed she was referring to “mark jackson“, which strangely made me feel a little worse than the actual truth)

despite this relative detachment, i’ve been mesmerized and amazed by the consensus public reaction to this news, and, by “the consensus public reaction to this news” i totally mean “the way we’ve, in our odd competition to be the best and most sincere at memorializing him¹, completely glossed over how f*cked up the last 25 years of his life were”

mind you, i’m not attempting to throw more salt on michael jackson’s star-crossed life. if that were my goal, i’d merely spend 600 words juxtaposing his career, social, and public perception arc with r. kelly’s (they’re much, much, much, much, much more identical than you’d probably like to believe)

still, when a person has been…

a) defined by their abject weirdness for 90% of their adult life,

b) a lazy punchline for 50% of their adult life,

and

c) a suspected ***insert word that rhymes with “ghettopile”*** for a third of that time period

…i dont see how you can’t at least acknowledge this exaggerated freakishness when putting their legacy in context.

mj aside, his situation sheds a bit more light on the perception phenomenon discussed yesterday. while we don’t have definitive control over how we’ll be remembered, we can control what we remember about everyone else. you can even argue that our conscious choice to only recognize the positive aspects of a person’s life is our most desperate hope that this same luxury is extended to us.

thing is, whether you view this type of projection as practical or pathetic, you can’t argue the fact that there’s no bigger affront to what makes us fully human and no more disingenuous way to recall a person’s life…especially when you consider that our deeds usually come from the exact same place as our demons.

this is supremely true in regards to celebrities. the same visceral fervor that made tupac iconic basically killed him before his 26th birthday, and the hyper creative eccentricity that made mike moonwalk also contributed to his multiple self-mutilations, arrested development, and early death.

omitting these facts actually downplay and dishonor their accomplishments. there’s no such thing as an adversity-less icon. how can you fully appreciate malcolm x without being completely aware of malcolm little, and what future relevance would “black or white” hold without knowing that the song’s architect was actively attempting to be both black and white

i realize that this isn’t the most popular line of thinking, that some will see this as (at best) tactless and (at worst) malicious, and that its (extremely) presumptuous to tell someone how they should remember a person.  still, this isn’t about michael jackson as much as my fascination with our peculiar reliance on technicolor memories. i just happen to prefer HD.

you know, with all this being said, i still hope that the half-page obit in the pittsburgh post-gazette honoring my (eventual) passing chooses not to include a half paragraph burb on my (future) infidelities and (present) p*rn addiction. lol, i guess i’m not so special after all.

on second thought… it might not be the worst thing in the world. at least it’d show i was human, and i think mike would have wanted the same thing.

—the champ

¹despite my general antipathy for BET, i can’t help but defend them in regards to their substandard tribute to michael jackson during their awards show. mj died on a thursday, and, from my understanding, the awards were filmed early saturday. when you consider the hours of inactivity after the initial shock of hearing the news, they probably only had 12-20 hours to tackle the logistic nightmare of preparing a proper tribute. plus, the three people most well equipped to pull this off were either in europe, banned for busting rihanna’s ass,  or the person responsible for effectively ending janet jacksons career. as long as they promise to never air baby boy ever again, BET gets a mulligan from me

Related posts:

1. When They Reminisce Over You: A Tribute To Michael Jackson (1958-2009)
2. email of the week: the death of courting

before reading, please click the blackweblogawards icon on the side of the page and sh*t. you know, other than us pimping our t-shirts, our twitter page, our facebook page, and us publicizing the fact that we’re the only independent blog in recorded history to get over 100,000 comments in less than 300 entries, we don’t usually self-promote here at vsb.com. our commitment to crime fighting prohibits it. crime fighters don’t self-promote, and as you all know, its not a game with our crime-fighting game.

we’re making an exception now. vote and sh*t, please.

***end of admin note***

like millions of other fanboys, i anxiously anticipated “matrix reloaded” and “matrix revolutions” with the nervous intensity of a virgin thrown in a locked room with jazmine cashmere. yet, my anticipation proved to be for naught, as the sequels proved that the wachowski brothers had absolutely no idea what to do after their first shot…like a virgin thrown in a locked room with jazmine cashmere.

this actually wasn’t surprising. it would have been nearly impossible for them to meet the insane build-up, and, although the ending of the first movie was intentionally ambiguous enough to lend itself to sequels, the storyline wasn’t.

what did surprise me, though, was how my feelings about the matrix were altered because of the terrible, terrible, terrible, ending of the series. i had allowed the ending to change my overwhelmingly positive perception of the beginning, a phenomenon not limited to cinema.

despite breaking every meaningful regular season nfl record, the 2007 pats are still roundly ridiculed as failures because they barely lost their last game (hahaha!!!), and even the most spidermonkey matrix circus sex is seen as pointless without a capitial O at the end unless its with the champ.

but, when ranking “powerful endings” the romantic relationship break-up stands alone, the only ending that has the potential to make you want to forget all the good sh*t that came before

admittedly, romance presents a unique dynamic. sometimes the circumstances behind a break-up are so effed up that they effectively void the entire relationship, and sometimes it takes a break-up to see how sh*tty your stupid-ass relationship truly was

thing is, most romantic relationships are predictably decent and convenient, most relationship trouble occurs because the relationship becomes an inconvenience for someone, and most break-ups are characterized by the type of and prolonged angst and passive-aggressive inaction usually found in me fail’s panties and sam mendes flicks…not the type of sh*t you think would induce a positive perception prohibitor.

i guess we do this to self-preserve. positive relationship nostalgia is the bane of new penis and fresh p*ssy. plus, there’s no better way to sabotage your relationship future than dwelling on the past and no easier way to not dwell if you convince yourself that your past was more janky than yao’s feet.

self-preservation at what cost, though?

how healthy is it to allow a single event to have that much of an effect on your intellect? how sane will you be if you continually allow break-ups to funhouse mirror your feelings? if a black blogger bags a bald, blonde, butch stripper in the woods, will she munch the BET red carpet?

who knows. all i know is that “thrown in a locked room” is my new favorite euphemism

people of vsb.com, what say you and sh*t.

have you allowed a break-up to alter your perception of the entire relationship?

is it a good thing that a break-up welds that much power?

the vsb carpet is yours and sh*t

—the champ

No related posts.

in the history of bad decisions, you can argue that will smith passing up the role of neo in “the matrix” because he needed to finish filming “wild wild west” ranks in the top three, right up there with “praising your argentinian mistress at a supposedly penitent press conference” and “making a 129 year old don cornelius read a 10,000 word intro for the o’jays at the BET awards”.

despite this, smith claims that he “would have absolutely messed up” the movie, and says that he wasn’t mature enough as an actor to let the movie be. whether you consider this to be an honest self-assessment or pseudo self-reflective lily-heartedness, the fact remains that he wants you to believe that his non-decision was actually the best one, a concept i’m extremely well acquainted with.

you see, back before the champ became the champ, he was engaged to be married, waist-deep in the type of star-crossed, self-aware, urban screwball comedy screenplay that the type of people who hate tyler perry movies would love to cop bootleg at the arab oyster spot see onscreen

single black male blogger meets girl in library. single black male blogger dates girl.  girl and single black male blogger share spoons at overpriced shadyside eatery, officially signifying that they’re “together”. not so single black male blogger excitably posts about new relationship on his cousin’s message board and continually blogs about relationship trails and tribulations on his website over two year span. black male blogger eventually proposes to girl, and posts saccharin 3,500 word account of the events on the day of the proposal, angering liz burr in the process

yet, despite this seemingly clear urban fairy tale veneer, i broke off the wedding five months before the date. although i agonized for weeks before (and after) this decision, i later realized that my disinclination stemmed from the fact that i hadn’t been in love for at least a year, and deciding to get married was probably the best decision i never made (for both of us).

life is full moments like these, crucial choices your gut told you not to make, important instances where intellect or instinct convinced you to back away for the best.

people of vsb.com, what are the best decisions you never made?

–the champ

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