tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-184779722026-09-29T04:38:46.842-04:00Star-spangled, sparkly, (and occasionally very dark) musings by Valerie.Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.comBlogger607125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-17723889813293024402022-10-15T09:55:00.002-04:002022-10-19T09:44:42.392-04:00

If you are a computer scientist, you may believe that naming things is a hard thing, but I, for one, believe it's one of the best parts about owning things. Much like a computer scientist who didn't get the memo about how hard it is, I have invented a set of rules for the things I name, so that naming things feels both organized and fun—like a game!Let's play a game right now. Can you guess

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-15882887636811362612022-09-20T19:00:00.001-04:002022-09-20T19:00:00.204-04:00

 I have a confession to make. I think tomatoes are gross. They are soft, squishy, things that, when provoked, burst unexpectedly and assail your mouth with a stream of slimy seeds. When even the slightest bit overripe, their flesh decays into a grainy, watery paste. When cooked, they collapse into mush and take on a pungent undertone that somehow always reminds me of vomit.I never

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-58715212774071846682022-09-15T22:03:00.000-04:002022-09-15T22:03:10.158-04:00

Today, I stumbled upon my "Watch Later" playlist on YouTube, which I hadn't touched in over a year. One of the videos on it jumped out at me – a Qi gong routine for better sleep by Lee Holden – and I recoiled mentally in distaste. Now I have nothing against Lee Holden and his Qi gong videos, but having insomnia traumatized me. And apparently so did the videos I used to try and escape its thrall.&

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-53147818235461819752022-08-01T21:54:00.005-04:002022-08-01T21:54:54.474-04:00

In 2018, it was the Water Products Purchase. In 2019, it was the Laundry Filtration Installation. In 2020 it was the Solar System Setup (and the clothesline!). It seems like every year, I make another biggish investment in some planet-friendly home improvement, but in 2021, there was not an environment blog post to be found! What happened? Did I give up? Had I succumbed to the allure of

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-44075203106679392842022-07-17T20:16:00.002-04:002022-07-20T12:36:22.139-04:00

I made passing mention of my newly purchased clothesline way back in 2020, promising a whole post about it that was very long in coming. But now it's here! You finally get to learn how a simple string brought joy into my life.During the lockdowns of 2020, I spent a lot of time obsessing about dog fur. It was all over every surface of my home and every article of my clothes. When I took to

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-40532159956771575432022-02-15T17:30:00.002-05:002022-02-15T17:30:00.199-05:00

This is the first time I've been single on Valentine's Day since 2013, so I didn't quite know what to do with myself.Back then, I made a point of being bitter about my status every year, but I've grown up over the past 9 years and, either I've gained some maturity or I've lost the energy to wallow in self-pity. Who knows—maybe those are actually the same thing! In any case, I don't seem to

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-65486811026974838352022-01-05T20:38:00.004-05:002022-01-05T20:39:20.559-05:00

This Adventure in Cooking had a longer timeline than any before, and it was worth the wait. It's so delicious it needs no further introduction (or maybe that's because the painfully descriptive title says it all!), so I'm going to be like no food blogger ever and jump right to the recipe!Mini cheesecake with lemon curd topping and a gingersnap crustPrep time: 1.25 yearsCook time: zero

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-1970682590823654072021-12-08T19:43:00.002-05:002021-12-08T19:43:57.051-05:00

 I could be mad about being forced to come back to the physical workplace for no valid reason. I could be mad about having to spend my days soaking up asbestos in a dreary basement office and dodging cockroaches as I pick my way through the cluttered storage room that doubles as a kitchen mini-fridge station. I could be mad.But how could I be mad, when I work in a building that has at

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-88678202711134609062021-11-16T20:30:00.001-05:002021-11-16T20:30:00.179-05:00

Once upon a time, long before I ever had insomnia, I used to tell people I needed nine hours of sleep a night to feel well rested. Those were the good old days, when I went to bed around 10:30, hopped out again around 7:30, and spent most of the intervening hours sound asleep. Or so I thought. In 2019, I inherited a used Fitbit with a sleep tracker, and for about a month, I used it to

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-5407431136915442742021-11-13T13:56:00.000-05:002021-11-13T13:56:26.121-05:00

It took me about 4 months to go from normal (though light) sleeper, to full-fledged insomniac, and back again, and let me tell you—sometimes it felt like 4 years! Time does have a way of dragging out when you're awake for 20 hours a day, and so much of that time was wasted in delays and false starts. If I could go back into the past and apply my 20/20 hindsight, I think I could have

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-3972091621501308332021-10-13T18:33:00.002-04:002021-10-13T18:33:41.844-04:00

A typical pre-insomnia workdayThe hardest part about getting over insomnia (yes, I say every part was the hardest part!) was divesting from my bed.As I mentioned in "Bye, Bye, Beddie," a good portion of my pre-insomnia leisure and relaxation time was spent in my bed. But the rules of stimulus control are clear: your bed should only be used for sleep (and, as they almost always tack onto the

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-80406842787998643052021-10-10T15:13:00.001-04:002021-10-10T15:13:00.207-04:00

One thing I've heard from several recovered insomniacs is that their sleep only improved once they stopped caring about their sleep. That's something I really struggled with.In my last post, I addressed how I stopped (or at least reduced!) my worry about sleep by acknowledging that my fears about insomnia were disproportionate to the actual harms of insomnia. But not worrying is a step below

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-1527875758437350452021-10-08T18:17:00.001-04:002021-10-08T18:17:31.977-04:00

When I first became a vegetarian as a teenager, I was cuckoo for veggie dogs. But, over time, they became less and less appealing, until, the last time I bought them, I ate one and realized I just couldn't eat any more. But not wanting to waste food, I stuffed the remainder of the package in the freezer, and tried to think of ways that I could make them more palatable.I think the veggie

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-83167632915661048122021-10-02T09:57:00.001-04:002021-10-02T09:57:56.334-04:00

Sleep restriction and stimulus control were the main behavioral interventions for tackling my insomnia, but they don't call the treatment cognitive behavioral therapy for nothing! A large portion of it involved addressing the thoughts and fears that were contributing to my lack of sleep.It's easy to follow a bunch of rules: Get out of bed at the same time every morning! Don't go to bed if

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-40696839690214207482021-09-30T19:16:00.001-04:002021-10-05T08:50:09.023-04:00

Before I developed insomnia, I always made sleep a priority—I stuck to a strict bedtime, never allowing myself to get derailed by Netflix binges or the other pitfalls of less dedicated sleepers. I was proud that I almost always woke up before my alarm and never needed coffee to help me function. You could say I was a bit smug about my superior sleeping habits.Once I developed insomnia, I

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-37198424799171057302021-09-21T20:16:00.001-04:002021-09-22T08:26:54.435-04:00

 Early to bed and early to rise—that's been my philosophy ever since I was able to set my own sleep schedule. One of my boyfriends once called me "solar powered," because I always rose just after dawn and felt my energy start to wane as soon as sunset approached. To me, mornings are the best part of the day, and nights are only good for one thing: sleeping!So for me, one of the worst

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-57985246404518334312021-09-15T19:27:00.004-04:002021-09-21T10:29:05.673-04:00

My insomnia story is taking longer to tell than it has taken to play out. For the parts that are chronological, I've only shared as far as early June, and here it is halfway through September! In that time, my sleep has improved a lot, but it's a slow process, and sometimes it regresses. Insomnia thrives on attention, and I have noticed that my sleep tends to be worse on the days I've been

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-23159658833451917192021-09-08T17:00:00.001-04:002021-09-08T17:00:00.225-04:00

My insomnia story is just one among millions, and as it turns out, it's very similar to that of others. It's so similar that it can be predicted, with uncanny accuracy, by a fake mystic with a fake crystal ball in a pre-recorded video! Take a look.In the video, Martin Reed, Insomnia Coach extraordinaire, tells me exactly who I am: "You're perhaps someone who's a bit more predisposed to

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-21828205155631072652021-08-28T13:02:00.006-04:002021-08-28T13:02:56.301-04:00

You might not believe it, but the two posts about all the supplements and medications I consumed to treat my insomnia don't even begin to cover the myriad ways I tried to improve my sleep. Drugs are the quick and easy solution, and I, even in my addled and sleep-deprived state, knew that quick-and-easy usually also means too-good-to-be-true. So in addition to ingesting things, I also tried

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-33380422665385549992021-08-22T22:27:00.001-04:002021-08-22T22:27:39.228-04:00

"It's ___ A.M. and you're staring at the ceiling."Insert any random hour between 1 and 3 in the blank, and you'll have the most clichéd line in the history of insomnia literature. Clichéd and completely untrue—at least in my experience!When my insomnia was at its peak, I definitely spent many a 1-3 A.M. period painfully, miserably awake. But never, in all my sleepless nights, did I occupy

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-44687469159834248462021-08-17T20:29:00.002-04:002021-08-17T20:29:55.479-04:00

If you've never had insomnia, you might never have heard of the illness called fatal familial insomnia. If you have insomnia, however, fatal familial insomnia (FFI) is one of the first things that will come up in your paranoid searches about your condition.FFI is rare. So rare that it affects less than one in a million people each year, and only those who happen to be carrying the disease's

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-46666174944470229302021-08-08T14:16:00.001-04:002021-08-08T14:16:41.231-04:00

Are you tired of hearing about insomnia yet? I am, too, so let's talk about something much more pleasant: cooking!Wait.Is cooking pleasant?I'm not so sure—and if you agree, you'll love this ultra-low-effort recipe that doesn't require any cooking at all!It starts with a block of tofu. Much like quinoa, tofu is a protein-packed health food with absolutely no enjoyable qualities whatsoever. While

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-11053706594113981442021-08-02T22:07:00.002-04:002021-08-02T22:18:03.149-04:00

Once my doctor recommended I see a psychiatrist, the first task was to find one. I contacted more local clinics than I ever want to recall. Almost all of them were not accepting new patients, or weren't accepting patients like me, or had a waitlist, or just never picked up the phone! Imagine being someone desperately in need of support and having to go through all that! Trying to find a

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-51089591567671074512021-07-27T17:29:00.000-04:002021-07-27T17:29:02.433-04:00

This is the hardest part of my story to tell. In the previous chapters, I was a victim—you can't change someone else's actions, and you can't change your nature. But from this point onward, I was in control. I didn't know it at the time, but it was my thoughts and choices during the early days of insomnia that led me to my most desperate state. If you've never had insomnia, read this part

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18477972.post-91730316163795844272021-07-25T16:00:00.003-04:002021-07-25T16:00:49.658-04:00

When people ask me, I tell them my insomnia started with a bad breakup. But looking back, I can really see that I'd been working my way up to insomnia my whole life. So let's hop into the wayback machine and dig up this case of insomnia right at its roots!I've had minor trouble with sleep for as long as I can recollect. Some of my earliest memories involve nap time—specifically, hating it

Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314065360393630188noreply@blogger.com1