I just survived the first of several crazy and overwhelming weeks I’ve got coming.

Next weekend: photo shoot Friday, Saturday, Sunday

Week after: same, in California

Week after that: surgery and mother in law visit to help out w/kids and the start of the holiday season

In between there’s the usual mom-wife life, preparing the house FOR my mother in law (everything must my clean, clean, clean) music recitals, costume hunting for music recitals (why I didn’t do this during Halloween prep I don’t know), uploading over 1000 images, networking parties… oh, yes, and Thanksgiving – 2 days after surgery.  I.  Am.  Overwhelmed.

Somehow though I did request going back to work part-time.  I should shut my mouth.  I got it.  I’m not complaining but wow, I haven’t been this busy since our move back to the states. Unfortunately, in the photo biz, there really isn’t part-time work simply because the post-production is full-time in between part-time bookings, and when 3 of 4 weekends are fully booked, well, I don’t need to say more.  I didn’t think of that tiny detail.  AND, I still owe my book draft to my editor.  Sheesh. 

December will be full of blogs though.  I might bore everyone w/my insecurity feelings about my surgery and my scar but I’m keeping in mind once I’m healed I’ll have the ability to begin that look totally hot and sexy all the time so my husband’s pants are uncomfortable all day weight-loss program.  It includes yoga, walking, toning and sex for a nice healthy heartbeat.  I’m determined to get back into a size 6 and I’m almost there.  I’m determined to find a new balance between motherhood and work.  I’m determined on upping the eroticism in my life.  The past year and a half has been really lacking and I’m starting to understand the blue balls concept.

I’ve been putting off making the decision about a piece for a PTSD site expressing some of what I’ve been through with my husband.  The piece ended up being more emotional than expected, drew up all kinds of issues from the past and really made me think long and hard at the situation in front of me but ultimately provided some understanding I didn’t have prior.  As such, I decided that the moral dilemma sides w/ the utilitarian view of the greater good.  If there’s just one small chance my contribution of experience and knowledge on the topic might provide some comfort or help to another spouse with a similar situation, it’s worth the possible trouble later.  Dealing with PTSD and living abroad has completely changed who I was and it’s become clear that either the expat experience, my own personal evolution and/or Michael’s PTSD created a person my family doesn’t understand.  Others will and that’s who my story is geared for.  I have too much to offer in way of what I’ve been through with this to stay silent on its horror especially when I know other military spouses suffer as I have.  For me the point of life experience is to share it.  What people do with that information is their prerogative.  Not sharing something that could be of value to someone else is a selfish thing to do. 

Wow.  I’ve never really had to pull from philosophical theory before to make an ethical decision of quite this magnitude.  I find I can really hold on to something logically concrete as a base for my decision rather than a mere opinion which has emotion for its primary merit.  I love philosophy.

I can’t concentrate today.  I’ve got a slew of erotic stories flowing around in my head and no quiet time to get them on paper.  It’s the kids.  Is the idea of boarding school really a bad idea?

I visited the school 4x this week for one reason or another.  If you get bored, at least read # 6.  It’s the punch, I think.

1) I met the principle momentarily – and for the first time – just after she, with what I perceived as attitude, explained to a pregnant mother that she can’t drop off her kid’s forgotten gym clothes as they don’t pull kids out of class: “If I do it for you I have to do it for all the parents”. Apparently the school is full of busy moms and kids who too often forget things and they’re trying to teach responsibility – being parents can’t seem to.

2) I visited the school to look at the Drug and Alcohol survey kids were supposed to take as meets the criteria of the No Child Left Behind Program. (Can we say FLAG?! ) The school memo stated I had option to opt my kid out and that I could come by to look at the questions but when I did – to their shock a parent actually came in – it wasn’t available so I came back the next day. I figured before I made such a decision I wanted to see what questions were going to be asked. I’m all for continuing in Nancy Reagan’s shoes with anti-drug programs but I found it rather baffling the way the questions were asked. For example: “Have you consumed any alcohol in the past a) 1 day, b) 2 days, c) 3 days, d) 4 days and so on up to the last 30 days for every single drug related question. To my amazement, drugs I’ve never heard of were listed. I’m thrilled my kid is going to learn about all of the drug possibilities she might run into with the kind of leash I have on her but more so because I feel that every 6th grader is a potential drug addict and alcoholic and educating them about it all this young takes the kind of audacity only a government initiated program could have, which of course, I support blindly, faithfully and fully. I not only trust educators (the brick finally hit my head) but the government who pays them. Further, the survey asked about eating habits, thoughts on the school, comfort levels with counselors, bullying and plans of dropping out. My real question is: have adults gotten so stupid as to think any child would actually be honest if they have used drugs or consumed alcohol or is there a fear or guilt tactic coming?  I decided to opt her out but my daughter opposed. She firmly expressed her desire to participate so I’m giving into her wishes. She loved the idea of being brutally honest to some of the questions which in my opinion were intrusive on an 11 y/o mind but I must realize my 11 y/o isn’t like others.  I found it unsettling as well at how much the principal stressed it was an anonymous survey when I inquired about seeing the questions. It came across as very defensive.

3) I attended the Principal’s Honor Roll award ceremony wherein, out of the 4 times I’ve seen the principal, she was rather personable. Maybe it was her pride in having a room full of smart kids or maybe it was that she was in front of parents. Either way, she reminded me of Olympia Dukakis in Steel Magnolias, with whom I’d just love to have a conversation with. And then I hear in the background from someone: “She was so fake”. That’s unsettling being I still have an appt. to make w/her to discuss issues.  The comment that morning which surprised me as well was that this school was among the top 10% in Georgia and those kids were in the top 10% of that 10%.  I suppose I should thank God we landed in the top 10% of Georgia greatness.

4) I visited this morning to drop off a printed essay to give my kid cause last night we ran out of printer ink. The timing was lovely. Once we got that squared away I inadvertently forgot to give it to her in the midst of daily evening bedtime chaos w/the toddler. I wondered if I was going to get the same speech the pregnant mother did for the gym clothes. I didn’t. I simply got the we can’t pull your child out of class for you to give this to her but we’ll put it in the teacher’s box statement. That was right after I noticed a sign on the secretary’s desk – bright yellow – which said “Your poor planning doesn’t constitute an emergency on my part”.  There’s nothing like a genuine “welcome”.

5) Being kids can’t be pulled out of class for parents to drop off something important as family life can get hectic and complicated, I was rather unhappy to hear that my kid and several others were pulled out of class a few days ago and called into the principal’s office wherein the principal herself stressed in an authoritative way that they’re the kids whose parents haven’t yet updated their immunizations and handed them a 2nd notice with neon pink highlighting the due date. I’d like to say in my defense that a dr. appt. has been made for 2 days prior to the expiration date 2 weeks from now. I didn’t forget and I didn’t plan poorly. I took the only available time which meets my schedule. My daughter tried to ask a question but was silenced and I got a 2nd notice as a reminder of the kind of bad parent I am for not jumping hoops for the school’s needs. … what is that bad word I like to use so much recently? It’s not enough.

6) Lastly, and the best I think is the essay referenced in # 4.  It was on the topic of how to support U.S. military heroes.  My kid’s draft paper was the one chosen for the entire class to correct.  My daughter’s draft was in contention for a school contest and I gather the teacher thought hers had a real chance and the entire class participated in edits.  That’s fine.  What’s interesting are the corrections themselves.  I don’t know which were by the teacher or by the students but the corrections were written by the teacher and read as follows: (blue is class addition)

Original: ”We should honor our military heroes everyday.  Because, if you had a specific day, date and time, that would be the only time to do it.  When you see or think of something to do with military heroes, honor them by thanking them.  Thank the people who died for this country, who protected us, and who helped our country grow strong.”

Class correction: “We should honor our military heroes everyday.  Because, if you had a specific day, date and time, that would be the only time to do it.  When you see or think of something to do with military heroes, honor them by thanking them.  Another way to honor them is to display your American flag at your house or to have a moment of silence  or a prayer before dinner (at dinner table) or in the car. Thank the people who died for this country, who protected us, and who helped our country grow strong.”

My daughter chose: “…silence at the dinner table.” 

I’m going to be silent on this issue as it’s the most intelligent thing for me to do at this time. 

As some readers know, I’ve got a bit of a list here to discuss with the principal and that list gets longer everyday.

And those that were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music” – Nietzsche