Wacky

Christmas Story

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 18:40:00 +0000

I can't believe that Christmas is almost here!

I have a special shout-out to my friend Matt for passing this heartfelt story on to me. I'm not above posting something that's traveling around the internet and although this might not exactly fit in the format of the Wacky blog, it really got to me.

So - in the time-honored tradition of the Christmas Shoes, here is a Christmas story for 2009.
----------------

Late last week, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy. Then I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later. So mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to the mall entrance.

As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 years old.

He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill. Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand.

Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong.

He told me his sad story:

He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and four sisters. His father had died when he was nine years old. His mother was poorly educated and worked two full time jobs. She made very little to support her large family. Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars to buy her children Christmas presents.

The young boy had been dropped off by his mother, on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to buy presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home. He had not even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred dollar bills and disappeared into the night.

"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked.

The boy said, "I did."

"And nobody came to help you?" I wondered.

The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head.

"How loudly did you scream?" I inquired.

The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"

I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help. So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car.

wrong week

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 18:56:00 +0000

Looks like I picked the wrong week.

Ever have one of those days?

Turn around

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:31:00 +0000

Oddly enough, in the last couple of weeks I've been pointed to a couple of different quirky pieces about the old 80's hit, "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler.

First is this flow-chart detailing the song.

Jeannie Harrell takes Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler, and puts it in flowchart form.

And this literal interpretation of the music video.

This just in... Brak

It is ITLAPD again

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 15:09:00 +0000

Get Your Yaar On!

Today is September 18 - or as I like to call it, International Talk Like A Pirate Day's Eve.

For the weekend, I am Piratizing the whole Mirthmobile site. Enjoy it while you can!

Special thanks to the Yahoo Developer Network for the JavaScript. This helpful little script turns seemingly innocuous phrases into a salty prattle.

Example:
Before

After

Still a Typo

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 12:34:00 +0000

Is it still considered a typo when you make it out of wood and mass-produce it?

A co-worker of mine picked up some office decor and found what she thought said "Peace" followed by a decorative cross. While showing it off, she pointed out how she wanted a reminder to have peace in her life.

I suggested that she would most likely get lots of visitors to her desk and phone calls asking for computer help. (followed by a blank look)

It took a while for her to figure out that the Peace wooden cut-out instead spelled PC ACE.

I still like to call her from time to time and ask her questions about my Mac.

marker fun

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 18:48:00 +0000

See how much fun you can have with a marker and a window in your cubicle?

It's lots of fun working in a creative environment.

Meanwhile, here's a list of other things you should have seen on the internet.
You Should Have Seen This

Thanks Matt!

Swine Flu Test

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 15:23:00 +0000

Genius!
Now you can test yourself online for swine flu.

Thanks to Jeremy for that one.

Foreign Language Skills

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 14:05:00 +0000

Things I'd like to know how to say in a foreign language, like Russian:

We're in silent attack mode!

I will be your friend. I am dangerous.

Ha! I have your lawn chair!

There are 10 cars parked here. 9 of them are not mine.

When you win, I win.

Why are there so many trucks?

This is what I call a happy day.

There is fresh milk in the refrigerator.

It's a shame I didn't buy a package of cookies.

Where is your refrigerator?

How do I help my self to your food?

Do you think your market is better than my supermarket?

I have found your item in row 14.

So you didn't buy me a pet?

This is my friend Bob. He is your friend too. Why don't you say hello. He said hi.

There are times I own more pennies than I have now.

Will you buy my grommet factory?

This is not my friend. Go find my friend.

Oh I bet you think I sound silly. Well, watch me drive your car!

Where do I find a toy store in this mountainous region?

Not-ah! My foot's bigger than your nose!

I know how to fight cavities!

Thanks to my co-worker Matt for that one.

Google Makes Life Easier

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 18:17:00 +0000

I know you all need help with the technology in your lives and I thought I’d point you to some ways Google is making my life easier.
Over the years, Google has helped me with my home internet connection:

Helped me understand how their search engine rankings work:

And even provided me with refreshing beverages to help balance my electrolytes:

This year, Google has added a couple of great user-friendly tools to their labs, including:
Autopilot for email

It utilizes their new Cognitive Autoheuristic Distributed-Intelligence Entity (CADIE):

So, dig in, hook up, and plug away.

Some more of my favorite early-April releases:
2008
2007

Doritos mouse trap

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:42:00 +0000

Still killing me.

Parenting Advice

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 13:40:00 +0000

I'm 62 days into parenting a teenager and I've learned one thing.
Consistency is the answer.

What do you do when they won't do what they are told? - consistently discipline them.
What do you do when they are disrespectful? - consistently correct them.
What do you do when they are 'exploring their emotions'? - consistently love them.

A few of my younger friends are recently pregnant and they have shared some of their uncertainties with me. Here's what I added to the above in a recent email to my friend Steve. (just one of my friends named Steve with pregnant wives.)

While I end with consistency every day, for you... I'm guessing that you'll start with consistency every day.
What is the consistency of their poop?
What is the consistency of their food?
What is the consistency of their sleep?

... just guessing.

Like I've got the experience to share wisdom?

illustrated word

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 20:00:00 +0000

Sometimes, it's just embarrassing to be in marketing and the church.

But I guess you have to have something to go with
this artist...

And
this band

And
this video crew

objects in mirror

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 15:44:00 +0000

objects in mirror are dumber than they appear

Objects in Mirror are Dumber than they Appear

Reminds me of a story -
These two guys get out of Truck Driving School and on their first run, they see a sign for a low bridge – 12 feet – 0 inches. They check the truck and the height is 13 feet 9 inches. They keep driving.
As they get closer to the bridge, they see another sign, “ low bridge – 12 feet – 0 inches”. They check the truck and the height is 13 feet 9 inches. They keep driving.
Finally as they get to the bridge, they stop, see the sign on the bridge, “12 feet – 0 inches”. They check the truck and the height is 13 feet 9 inches.
One driver says, “Waddaya think?”
The other says, “Well, there’s not a cop in sight, I say we go for it.”

shooting stuff

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 13:38:00 +0000

shooting stuff

I've never been one for guns. I staunchly support very strict handgun control.

I honestly didn't know it could be this much fun.

My friend and co-worker Matt is getting married on Saturday, and this was event #1 of the bachelor party. We also went to dinner.

A group of guys - each renting or bringing a different firearm to the target range gives you the opportunity to try a bunch of different stuff. I have even more respect for the seriousness of weapon ownership now than I did before - having felt the recoil of a 357 Magnum, felt the easy squeeze of a 9mm and a .40 caliber. The M-16 (pictured) on the other-hand is what my friend TJ and I rented and it was easily the highlight of the shooting-fest.

Where's my NRA membership card?

And no, I did not make all of those bullet holes in the ceiling.

Elf Yourself a bit

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 21:52:00 +0000

By now, you've probably seen the Elf Yourself site and maybe you've even played with it.

I decided to elf my co-workers a little bit old-school. It's easy! My cube has glass walls, and I have red and green dry-erase markers. This is Caleb, our Senior Graphic Designer.

Did you elf yourself? Are you gonna?
Post a comment with a link to your elfyness!

what is the difference?

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 19:12:00 +0000

You might wonder what's the difference between Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, where I live, and Grand Haven, Michigan where my sweetie Sylvia lives. The differences are actually quite striking.

In PA, winter means rain, sleet and snow, all mixed together or at least the threat of said precipitation. That threat creates early releases from work - like today, we're all supposed to go home at 2:30. Drivers freak out, not because it's so rare, but because the winding, curving, hilly roads are almost impassible when it's dry and sunny. Drivers around here have as much chance of successfully navigating those roads as Joe Biden has of successfully navigating a press conference.

In MI, winter means snow. Snow as far as the eye can see and it never ends. Winter also lasts 6 months. Michigan drivers have to drive in straight lines and there are snow plows armed with rock salt. Also, everyone drives huge american made tanks with 4-wheel drive so they don't care about the roads any more than Hillary Clinton cares about New York state.

Yeah - so, it's 2:30, I gotta go get my PA driving license so I can drive like an idiot and have a good reason for once.

Elevator brand name

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 13:37:00 +0000

Elevator brand name

I've always been fascinated with branding, names, and coming up with a good way to present something, whether it's really cool or rather mundane.

A common elevator brand name is Otis, but the elevator in my office is Schindler.

Does that make it Schindler's lift?

stuck in my head

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 14:41:00 +0000

Special thanks to Sylvia for posting this video on her facebook page. I can't get it out of my head now.

For the record - it's a medley of John Williams music from a variety of movies, but uses dialog from the Star Wars movies throughout. 21 year-old Corey Vidal is an impressive talent and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Way to go Corey!

Now to get this out of my head, I need to listen to six hours of The Girl From Ipanema. That ought to get it.

Never-ending Hallway

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 14:07:00 +0000

I'm looking for a place to live in the Philadelphia area.

This hallway appears in one of the converted factory loft-type places I've toured. Notice the ramp and doorway creating a fancy optical illusion that the hall is actually longer than it is.
This would be fun.

How to Drive

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 14:40:00 +0000

Today is Saturday and on Monday I'm getting in the car and driving to Pennsylvania. I'm kicking off a new job in the Philadelphia area, working for The American Bible Society as the Director of Web Communications. My GPS will get me there, but since I have a passion for the details (anal) I looked up the route on Google maps.

Along the way, there were pictures of the road through Toledo. Most of them looked just the way I remember from the many times I've driven through Toledo, gotten on 475, and even hit the Ohio Turnpike. As I continued to pull up the images along the way, I discovered a rather disconcerting image.

Doesn't this seem dangerous to you?

I feel a little more confident since the directions continue...
13. Continue on I-76 E, Partial toll road, Entering Pennsylvania. 350 mi

However, I'm a little apprehensive about arriving anywhere after driving through a retaining wall of an overpass. But according to this next image everything seems like it's going to be OK. Just drive into the light...

Until I find myself on the wrong side of the road and have to cut across a cement barrier and directly into the side of this tanker.

I'm just going to follow the GPS and take my chances.

Social Lubricant

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 03:41:00 +0000

the internet

Gabe Lyons - opening keynote for the Internet Ministry Conference made this observation...

The internet is the new beer

Meaning - it takes away the inhibitions and promotes a lack of consequence for one's actions.

Since I don't drink, I guess facebook is now my vice?

Not Ashamed

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 12:44:00 +0000

One of the biblical writers, Paul, wrote in his Roman letters:

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.
Romans 1:16 - New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

Paul couldn't have anticipated this "Sonseed" moment.

There are tons of embarrassing moments in Christianity. The Crusades and the Inquisition come to mind... While I didn't have anything to do with the methodical torture and killing of Jews, nor a holy war against our Muslim brothers, I do play bass in the band at church.

I would like apologize in advance for 30 years from now when someone looks back at what we do and mocks. I'm sure we'll deserve it.

- Thanks to my sweet Sister in-law Michele for passing this one along.

Tow This

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 23:15:00 +0000

Tow away

Who gets to tow that? I imagine they will call the towing company next door to tow its own truck.

I live next door to a towing company and they often park their trucks right outside my windows. I've never complained, but they are loud. When these police order signs went up, I was very thankful, and the street was bare for... gosh... at least the weekend. Today, they started parking out there again.

Fire!

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 14:39:00 +0000

Fire!

Jodi is awesome.
Jodi signs up for a variety of giveaways, promotions, contests and such.
Jodi wins stuff.
This time it was a dinner for up to 8 people at the Golden Corral buffet. We didn't know that it was also a sales pitch for some kind new-fangled fire safety device.

As seen in the picture, they roped in a herd of customers wanting a free meal and who were willing to sit through the presentation. Sylvia and I chose to skip the presentation and just enjoy a buffet meal on our own. We sat next to the banquet room so I could mock the presentation whenever possible.

The most wonderful time of the year

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Atkinson) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 19:16:00 +0000

September 19 is upon us again!
Talk Like a Pirate Day
It's a regular feature around here: 2007
And something I try to celebrate with a certain degree of gusto each time it comes around.

Do not confuse Talk like a Pirate Day with the Day of the Ninja. They are not the same.