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Tonight I am delivering this speech before 50 people at the Sydney City Rotary Club to celebrate USA Independence Day (wish me luck):

I am honoured to speak in recognition of Independence Day tonight at the Rotary Club of Sydney CBD.

I understand this is the most multi-cultural Rotary in the country. On behalf of all Americans in Australia, thank you for tonight’s event to recognise America’s Fourth of July holiday.

America is so big and so obvious most people forget to include it when recognising global cultures.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Walter Jennings, Partner and Founder of Perception Counsel – a financial and corporate public relations firm just up Pitt Street in Sydney CBD.

It is a delight to be invited to talk. Forgive me if I come across a little nervous at times. I accepted the invitation to speak and THEN met with Kim Smith. I asked her what she wanted me to talk about. She said, “Make them laugh.”

I immediately had second thoughts!

Now may surprise to learn I am not originally from Sydney. Yes. I’m from Bathurst.

Okay – maybe I’m an American. Now that we’ve changed presidents I don’t have to tell people I’m a political refugee!

I believe Australian Immigration built the big Christmas Island centre thinking George Bush’s brother was going to run for President.

But America has a new president. Barack Obama. Suddenly it’s cool to be American again!This weekend my 72 year old mother said she thought he was the sexiest man alive. I wasn’t quite sure how to respond.

Americans – you see – need to LOVE their presidents. It’s what makes the election process such a long, drawn-out affair. Americans can’t speed-date that type of commitment!

It’s different here in Australia. We like Kevin. We LIKED John. But love?

That said Sacha Baron Cohen was here to open his new film – Bruno. He appeared on “Rove” after Kevin Rudd and said he thought “Ruddy” was the cutest leader in the free world. Bruno said, “I did to Ruddy last night what Malcolm Turnbull tried to do to him all last week.”Love is a little too far for Australians. Let’s just say we’d respect Kevin in the morning.

But now with Obama in the White House I do NOT have to  be “North American.” Have you ever tried to make up the Canadian National Anthem on the spot? Well one word of advice if you do – apparently it does not include maple syrup, hockey or ‘Big White Frozen Place Up North.’ Now you know…

Originally I am from a small farming community in the state of New Jersey on the East Coast – our nearest neighbour was a mile away. Our nearest town was 8 miles away. And that town was a whole lot like Bathurst – a country enclave of farmers and merchants.

Tonight it’s up to me to correct the untruths and update all of you on America. We are NOT a nation of pushy, loud, brash, obnoxious, super wealthy know-it-alls. Not at all! In fact some of us Americans have very little money indeed. But if I can’t improve the image of Americans in Australia at least I can update you about the event we’re celebrating tonight.

When attending a dinner for the Fourth of July it’s hard not to think of the celebrations of your youth. Up North it’s summer – so if you want to really experience July 4^th think of Australia Day. Sunshine. Hamburgers on the Grill (that’s American for Barbie). Corn on the Cob. Watermelon. And when the sun finally set hand-held sparklers. Lightning bugs. Maybe even fireworks. They are illegal in most states, so you had to have someone bring them up from South Carolina.

And like Australia Day you would reflect on the liberties the country gave you. You might attend a parade. You’d definitely fly your flag. And you might sing “God Bless America” – led by a drunken uncle. Without really thinking about what makes America great – you’d feel proud. I still do – even if I’m celebrating on a bitter cold day in Australia!

Funny when I was a kid we’d dig holes hoping to get to the other side of the world. I never thought I’d actually get here!

Now the place that I call home is the country that’s also a continent – Australia. It took “Discovery Channel” to tell me this is the second most inhospitable continent on the planet – after Antarctica! And while Antarctica is one of our closest neighbours our climates couldn’t be more different.

America. Australia. Besides starting with the letter ‘A’, the two countries share much more. Physically they’re the same size. A heavily accented English is our shared language. We’re both living on land first populated by indigenous cultures. Yet the scale of the differences continue to amaze me.

Today there are 14.6 million Americans out of work – that’s just under the population of Australia when I first moved here in 1991. There are 45 million smokers in America – more than double the entire population of 21 million Australians. And while both countries are vast, America has a well-populated central region. Folks in New York and Los Angeles call those the “fly over” states. In Australia our vast, dry, barren heartland has a mythical pull that defines much of who we are as Australians.

America. Australia. Rolling Stone correspondent, author and life-time lush P.J. O’Rourke summed our differences in his perspective: “At least we American tourists understand English when it’s spoken loudly and clearly enough. Australian’s don’t. Once you’ve been on a plane full of drunken Australians doing wallaby imitations up and down the aisles, you’ll never make fun of Americans visiting the Wailing Wall in short shorts again.” That quote is in the intro to his book, “Holidays in Hell” – where he details excursions taken under bad advice or the influence of alcohol. Such as an extra-marital affair conducted at a Bible Theme Park.   Kevin Rudd said he admired America – and was elected with a campaign promise to maintain the US-Australian alliance. “…there is no greater challenge or opportunity I look forward to more than working with the great American democracy, the arsenal of freedom, in bringing about long term changes to our planet.”

One of my favourite authors – Bill Bryson – is known for his clever writing on travel. His book, “Sunburned Country” has a memorable start:“Flying into Australia, I realised with a sigh that I had forgotten again who their Prime Minister is. I am forever doing this with the Australian prime minister – committing the name to memory, forgetting it (generally more or less instantly), then feeling terribly guilty. My thinking is that there ought to be one person outside Australia who knows.”

But then again Americans aren’t known for their in-depth understanding of world affairs. To prepare this speech I undertook painstaking, original research. In other words Saturday night I asked a table full of mates what they thought of Americans.

• “Loud, obnoxious know-it-alls” (See where I got my opening?)
• “You can spot them in white sneakers and those tractor caps wherever they go!”
• “Americans are geographically stupid”

Then I was regaled with countless stories:

• The university professor who insisted Australia was in the Euro zone – even when told we weren’t Austria.
• The backpacker girl who said, “Oh My God! I didn’t know Australians spoke American!”
• A New Yorker who couldn’t fathom what currency we used if we didn’t have American dollar bills.

But once I got past the bluster and the embarrassing stories, I heard a gentler truth. One that spoke of affection for America.

• “I feel I’ve known America since I was a kid – from watching The Brady Bunch”
• “I always wanted to go there – and then was surprised by how nice everyone was.”
• “Once they stop taking themselves so seriously Yanks are a lot of fun.”

The book – “Instructions for American Servicemen in Australia ” – was given to every serviceman stationed in this country. During World War Two over one million US soldiers called Australia home at some point.  In it are gems of advice – including a glossary of popular slang. I wish I had that when I first arrived in 1990! My first week I was labelled a “Septic” and I still cringe when I hear that.Yank rhymes with Tank – thus Septic Tank. The author – who remains an anonymous Army staff writer – reflects on the differences but also the similarities.

In 1900 a visiting Australian statesman said of the United States:“What we are, you were. What you are we will some day be.”

In World War Two, Australian War Minister, Francis Forde said:“We feel that our fate and that of America are indissolubly linked. We know that our destinies go hand in hand and that we rise and fall together. And we are proud and confident in that association.”

America. Australia. We are a lot more alike than you may think. When trying to understand the cultural similarities and differences look back to the founding of the two countries.

The USA was founded by religious fundamentalists seeking freedom. That may help you understand our bizarre inability to handle partial nudity on television while producing some of the most violent “shoot ‘em up” films ever.

Australia was a penal colony and until the mid twentieth century families hid their convict heritage – whereas now it’s embraced.

Both countries were carved from a tough land. Both are resolutely independent and proud of their hard-earned freedom. And both turn a nose up – or maybe a finger – at pretence and the establishment.

My mother says Australia reminds her of America in the 1950s – an idyllic world of friendly people, safe neighbourhoods and few of the social ills that plague America. Kind of like “Happy Days” without the Fonz – or the Commancheros.

So at the base of our two countries is a relationship based on genuine affection. Americans are mad for Australians! And let me tell you – Crocodile Dundee has a lot to answer for! Americans thinks we wear knives to work, ride kangaroos down George Street and broom the desert out our homes every morning!

America. Australia. Tremendous differences, yet incredible similarities. It reminds me of family. We’re always there for each other. We have a strong relationship based on trust and a shared set of values. We have a similar view of the future – even if we live our lives differently.

And yes, like family – we get up each other’s noses. But that’s the push and pull of being in a family. No matter how much we annoy you – as America – we know Australia will be there for us. And vice versa.

So in honour of our long-standing friendship, may I ask you to charge your glasses, rise and join me for a toast?

Please raise a drink to our great nations. America. Australia. Friends, allies and a whole lot like family. Cheers!

Thank you.

Yesterday was a mental health day. It’s the start of the new financial year and the last one provided enough headaches that I took one day off. It was great to eliminate low-level static by completing banking, errands, doctor visits and the likes.

In BankWest yesterday I was asked if I wanted a cup of water. I was given a paper cup with the following sentence in large letters:

“Bank Takes W Out of Banker”

As an American in Australian I marvel at the wonderful use of humour in marketing. The inference that other bankers are wankers is wonderful. And you never expect a bank to be so straight-forward and provocative.

Australians are masters at taking the high and mighty down to the lowest common denominator. And the fresh, blunt style is refreshing.

Mourning used to be conducted in private. When a loved one died we would retire to the inner most sanctum of our homes for private time with loved ones. When a hard of state or beloved icon died, we might gather at the church or cemetery to pay our respects. Then Diana died and our mourning turned public.

Today that most private of emotions – grief – is on display with vast public outpourings for Michael Jackson.  Record stores have sold out of his music. Producers are rushing a new CD of unreleased music to capture what they call “grief momentum.” Jackson is projected to overtake Elvis’s US$50 million per year in royalties. He’ll be the most lucrative dead star in history.

I can’t help but feel a little odd about all this. It certainly isn’t the first time the public has turned to their wallets to assuage grief. I lived in Hong Kong when Gianni Versace was murdered. All stores around the world were closed, spare the one in Central, Hong Kong. Extra security guards were hired. Velvet ropes kept the crowds in queue. And before lunchtime the entire store was sold out.

I get a little awkward around all this. I am adept when consoling families. But how do you deal with the office receptionist who says she would have stayed home if she’d known Michael was dead? What do you say to the friend wearing a single glove?

Is “Beat It” too blunt?

The Twitter-verse is alive with postings from Iran. With global news agencies blocked from Tehran the world’s exposure to post-election chaos is delivered via Twitter and YouTube. These seem to be the only sites able to escape the tightest Internet filtering system in the world - built by Siemens and Nokia.

If ever there was a public relations nightmare for a company this has to be the daddy of them all.

According to The Wall Street Journal, Iran’s monitoring system is the most sophisticated in the world. It even exceeds the capabilities in China. And it was provided, in part, by European companies Siemens and Nokia:

“The monitoring capability was provided, at least in part, by a joint venture of Siemens AG, the German conglomerate, and NokiaCorp., the Finnish cellphone company, in the second half of 2008, Ben Roome, a spokesman for the joint venture, confirmed.” (Source: The Wall Street Journal)

To be fair the equipment and technology was developed to improve mobile telephone technology in a developing nation. Yet the sophistication of the filtering and blocking system exceeds that of any country in the world. Surely it would have been apparent, at installation, the capabilities could be used for political oppression especially as Iran remains an autocratic state.

I, for one, will be monitoring the response of Siemens and Nokia to these developments.

“Fair shake of the sauce bottle, mate,” said Rudd yesterday when defending postings in a Ministerial shake-up. Critics say not enough women got postings. Kevin defends the roles and winners by comparing it to a barbecue sauce bottle.

“If you were to compare what this Government has done in terms of promotion of women of talent and ability compared with our predecessors, it’s chalk and cheese,” he continued. Once again the colloquial language comes out.

For communicators this is done in an effort to boost understanding and retention - right away every listener gets a mental image that is emblazoned in their mind.

How does Rudd’s Government compare to Howard’s? Chalk and cheese.

“I have come here to Cairo to seek a new beginning between the US and Muslims around the world.”
President Barak Hussein Obama in speech at Cairo University - June 2009

Yesterday in Cairo USA President Barack Hussein Obama gave a speech that redefines relations with the Muslim world. Carefully crafted over months - and with input from prominent US Muslims - the speech included a few historic firsts. It was the first time a US President mentioned the state of Palestine. He decried Israeli settlements and called for an end to construction. He reversed US policy developed under Bush that led to resentment and anger: “The cycle of suspicion and discord must end,” he said.

And in his speech Obama became the first US President to quote the Koran, then issued a greeting of peace: “As-salaam alaikum” (peace be with you). And while his speech was important for its location - Egypt is an important US ally - he rightly noted that there is a mosque in every state of the USA.

The speech was broadcast live across the Middle East on television, Internet and covered in numerous social media forums. Obama’s audience includes the world’s 1.5 billion Muslims, leaders of the Arab states, Israeli leaders and people and of course citizens of the United States.

Throughout his campaign Obama was praised for his loquaciousness. He’s a natural orator comfortable behind the lectern. Yet this speech blended brilliant phrases with far-reaching policy. It is a speech that will be studied for years to come.

And of course the critics will be dissecting every word and each nuance of delivery. Closer to the scene locals in Cairo already complained of the street closures and security precautions. One newspaper headline read, “Cairo Closed.”

Remember Keanu Reeves in “The Matrix” and those great scenes where he dodged bullets? If I were any good on Adobe Photoshop I’d touch up this photo and put Kevin Rudd’s photo on the face of Keanu. Today Australia dodged a bigger, nastier bullet - recession.

Based on the volume of exports, Australia avoided recession. I know, I know - that’s unbelievable. In today’s global meltdown for Australia NOT to be in recession is a miracle.

But before we all race along George Street planting “High Fives” on fellow Australians, let’s pause and consider. Unemployment is up. Stores are shuttered. Confidence is shaky.

There used to be a non-alcoholic whisky called Claytons (”The drink you have when you’re not having a drink”). This may not be a recession in pure technical terms - but it’s a Claytons recession.

It’s definitely a Monday. Weekend gone - week of work stretches ahead. And what a week it will be.

Today in America, General Motors is expected to declare bankruptcy. It will be the largest ever. And while government and insiders may wish for a “surgical” effort and a quck recovery, a reorganisation on this scale will take months - if not years.

Closer to home Australia is expected to declare recession on Wednesday. For those living through job losses and declining confidence it seems a no-brainer. However a recession is technically declared when two quarters of declining economic activity. The last quarter of 2008 saw a 0.5% contraction - forecasters predict the first quarter of 2009 saw shrinkage between 02. and 0.4%.

For those unfamiliar with an Australian custom, on the first day of the month (prior to 12:00 noon) you’re to rush up to people and provide a pinch then a punch while saying, “A pinch and a punch for the first of the month.” Given the economic news this week perhaps it’s a pinch to ensure they’re awake then a punch to stop them screaming.