This first joke just goes to show everyone that we Aussies love our country and that all our traditions hold a special place in our hearts. We love our country so much there’d probably be a whole lot of Aussies who believe that a bit of special attention was placed on Australia when the world came into being. Heck, some may even have their own version of creation. 

The Aussie Version of Creation

In the beginning God created day and night.

He created day for footy matches, going to the beach…..

And BBQ’s……

He created night for going prawning,

sleeping and BBQ’s, and God saw that it was good.

On the Second Day, God created water….

for surfing, swimming,

and BBQ’s on the beach,

and God saw that it was good.

On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring

forth plants to provide malt and yeast for beer

and wood for BBQs, and God saw that it was good..

On the Fourth Day God created animals

and crustaceans,chops, sausages,

steak and prawns for BBQ’s, and God saw that it was good.

On the Fifth day God created a Bloke

to make use of all these wondrous creations -

go to the footy, enjoy the beach,

drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ’s,

and God saw that it was good.

On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke

was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy,

surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with.

So God created Mates,

and God saw that they were good Blokes,

and God saw that it was good.

On the Seventh Day God looked around at the

twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans

and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes.

He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and

sizzling prawns and God Saw that it was good .. …

Well…. Almost good…..

He saw that the Blokes were too tired

to clean up and needed a rest.

So God created Sheilas to clean the house,

to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie,

and then God saw that it was not just good…..

………..It was better than that……………………………………….

……………it was BLOODY AWESOME…!!!

IT WAS   AUSTRALIA…..!!!!!

Naturally, everyone knows that God has no preference and that when creation took place the whole world was a beautiful place. Heck, it still is but who knows for how long as man is slowly stuffing things up.

And now, to continue with the Aussie humour side of things I want to introduce you to a couple of blokes that are pretty well famous in Australia for their humour which a lot of the time also happens to get them into trouble. Part of The Chaser team, their escapades aren’t always received well by all of the public, like their Make A Wish joke where they made terminally ill children the butt of a sick joke.

There was even the time when one of their pranks almost landed them in jail. It was part of The War On Everything Series where the Chaser group ‘including comedian Chas Licciardello, who was dressed as Osama bin Laden – staged a fake motorcade through Sydney’s CBD and were waved on by police.’ It created headlines all over the world! You can read about it here.

OK, after that buildup I now present you with a video from the Chaser War On Everything Series.

The Chaser Australian Tourism Campaign

That was funny wasn’t it. Did you know that there is a WordPress plugin that allows you to monetize YouTube videos? I wrote a post about it called Review Of Easy Video Press.

But this post isn’t about making money, it’s about making you laugh, and in case that video of The Chaser has piqued your interest here are some of their videos.

ABC Chaser War On Everything

The Chaser's War on Everything - Season 1 (Episodes 1-13) - 2-DVD Set ( The Chaser's War on Everything - Season One ) [ NON-USA FORMAT, PAL, Reg.0 Import - Australia ] Average Rating: total customer reviews...

The Chaser's War on Everything - Season Two (14 - 24) - 2-DVD Set ( The Chaser's War on Everything - Season 2 ) ( The Chaser's War on Everything - Season 2 - Episodes 14-24 ) [ NON-USA FORMAT, PAL, Reg.0 Import - Australia ] Average Rating: total customer reviews...

The Chaser's War on Everything - Series Three - 2-DVD Set ( The Chaser's War on Everything - Series 3 ) [ NON-USA FORMAT, PAL, Reg.0 Import - Australia ] Average Rating: total customer reviews...

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I know all this because I was one of those bloggers. It then came to me what I was doing wrong. I wasn’t investing any money, apart from hosting fees, into my online business and as most businessmen will tell you, you’re not going to get far without pumping some money into your business in order to make it grow. My first investment was purchasing a professional theme. That worked well but it took awhile before I realised it wasn’t enough and I started investing in WordPress plugins.

As WordPress users we all know what a great platform it is and one of the things that makes it so great is the amount of plugins available for it. I decided that just as going all out and buying a professional theme worked well for me then perhaps going beyond the free plugins and purchasing professional ones would also do the trick.

And so I started on my hunt for professional plugins, plugins that I believed increased my chances to make money online. Some of the plugins I’ve purchased include.

1. CommentLuv Premium
2. WP Zon Builder
3. IM Graphics
4. Covert Messenger
5. Pay Per View

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Just thought I would throw that out, but now let’s get to the funny side of this post.

The Bathtub Test

Bathtub (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

During a visit to the senior’s home, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?

“Well,” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the
teacup.”

“No.” said the director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

Everyone knows that to most people diets are not a laughing matter, they take it very serious and it’s also a multimillion dollar industry. Still that’s no reason not to poke fun at it every now and again.

The Winalot Diet

Winalot (Photo credit: jem)

I don’t like shopping there anyway, but yesterday I was at my local TESCO store buying a bag of Winalot dog food for my dog. I was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

Hellooo, what did she think I had, a porpoise, a wildebeest?

So, since I’m retired and have nothing better to do than wind people up I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot biscuits and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with the story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter’s arse and a van hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard and the cashier at the next till wet herself, so they had to close that checkout.

I’m banned from TESCO in Royston now. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

And now for this weeks funny video. I’m sure you’re going to love this one.

Mrs Browns Misunderstanding

 

You can get your very own copy of Mrs Browns Boys DVD!

Mrs Brown's Boys: Series 1 Region 2 DVD Average Rating: 3 total customer reviews...

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I wrote that post after an exhausting and fruitless search to find a plugin which would do the same thing as MediaPass, the site that allows you to make money from a particular post.. The problem is, as good as MediaPass is it has one major drawback which is they take a greater portion of the potential income a blogger can earn from any given post. I figured something was better than nothing so I was happy to join.

The Best Way To Monetize Your Blog

Let me tell you though that I did not give up my search for that elusive plugin and since then I have found two and this post will give you a quick review of both and why I settled on the one that you see working on this post. The problem is it’s going to cost you 50 cents to see those reviews!

There’s a few reason why I have gone this route, even though I know it may upset some regular users, the main one being to test whether or not people would be willing to pay for this type of information. I’ve also set the price so low so as to make it more attractive.

Before you decide it’s not worth your while to pay the 50 cents to reveal those reviews, perhaps because you feel no-one will be willing to pay for your content, just keep in mind that these plugins will allow you to sell anything from ebooks, videos, training posts as well as earning something from those special valuable blog posts. So, without further ado I present to you two plugins that could finally turn your blog into a real money making machine….

OR

 

OR

 

Again so to reiterate you can use this plugin to sell more than just the content of a post. Here are a few examples where you could use any of these plugins.

• Sell Your Ebook: You can have the link to your eBook, PDF file or even an mp3 file hidden in your post giving access to those willing to pay for it.
• Solutions To Problems: People search the net looking for solutions to any given problem. We as blogger normally give that information away for free. Heck some of us even use plugins like ‘buy us a beer or coffee if you like this post’ hoping those who got something from it will give us a donation. Well, getting them to pay up front, and many will do it, is a more profitable option.

I’m sure you get the idea and I’m also sure you can come up with a whole lot of other ways where you can use this plugin profitably. The question is are you willing to invest in your blog in order to make the money you deserve?

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This weeks joke is all about affairs. Now although I disagree with affairs as I believe one should marry for life and if you can’t bear to be with that person any more you get up and leave, you don’t cheat on them. Anyway, this series of jokes show that there can be a humorous side to affairs.

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Watched items (Photo credit: practicalowl)

I’ve got to admit I’ve always been a gadget man because I love having technological stuff around me. When the digital watches first came into being I just had to have me one and from memory the first ever digital watch I bought was a Casio. Since then I’ve always owned a digital watch and the more technical they were the better.

I’ve had calculator watches and one that kept track of phone numbers and personal details. Heck, my latest digital watch doubles as a TV / Video remote control. Man, I love this watch partly because it’s so useful and partly because it’s a great conversation starter, not to mention that it allows me to play practical jokes on people. I had heaps of fun at work changing the stations, adjusting the volume and turning the TV on and off at work. You should have seen the look on the face of the person who was actually holding the TV remote

However, as much as I love my digital watch I also have a gold Seiko watch because there’s many a time when a cheap digital watch just won’t do. For one thing they’re pretty lousy as a dress watch and they’re not about to impress the ladies much either.

I know that most people use their cell phones as time pieces but I could never understand why. It’s so much easier to look at your wrist watch than it is to fish out a mobile phone. Heck, if I’m with a group of people I’m always the first one to provide the time when someone asks for it, the others haven’t even had the time to take their phones out of their pocket. And if you’re a women, by the time you find your phone in that bag full of crap, well forget about it, the time’s already passed.

As for what type of watch I would like to have it wouldn’t be a Rolex, not unless I had money to burn that is! Nope. I reckon a Bulova Precisionist Watches would be more my style. I kinda like those watches with all the dials, similar to the one in the photo on the right.

I’ve actually found that dress watches also make great gifts and have always bought one for those special occasions such as graduations and those important birthdays like a 21st or something. The reason for this is because I’ve found that a good watch will always hold some form of sentimental value, especially if you have it engraved, and every time the person looks at it they’ll remember the person who gave it to them. Heck, do you remember when I mentioned my Seiko, well my wife gave me that when we got engaged and it is my most precious gift.

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This is because as hard as it is to increase a blog’s traffic it’s even harder to get them to click on an ad. We spoke about this in an old blog post called Rotating Banner Problem Resolved By Max Banner Ads where I concluded that we could reduce the effect of ad blindness by showing the reader a different image every time the page was loaded.

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Unless you’re a smoker most of you would agree that smoking is a pretty bad habit, one with dire consequences. There’s a lot being done in the way of advertising to hopefully quell peoples desire to smoke but unfortunately most of the stuff they’ve come up with just doesn’t work. Until now that is, but even this one is pretty well limited to women only. So, if you have a loved one of the fairer sex who smokes and you want her to quit, the solution is simple. All you have to do is to buy her the cigarettes you see in the image below.

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Truth be told I was crazy to refuse all those other interviews and I really should have made the time because those interviews would have had great SEO as well as great marketing potential. There are many reasons why you should not make the same mistakes I did and Im going to list them here for you.

Why You Should Do Interviews

• Exposure: You’re a blogger right? Well something that all bloggers crave for is exposure and what better way than to answer a few questions in the knowledge that the interviewee will link to your blog in return.
• Backlinks: Yep, something else that all bloggers crave are backlinks and just in case that first point slipped past you an interview can lead to several links back to your blog.
• Personal Brand: A well answered interview will show the reader that you know what you’re talking about, that you’re a blogger to be reckoned with and that it would be in their best interest to head on over to your blog so as to learn more about what you have to share.
• Helping Others: Usually, depending on the questions asked, an interview can help the reader to learn something new about certain topics and once you’ve wet their thirst for knowledge guess where there going to go to learn more? 

So, you see there are many positives for doing an interview, so the next time someone contacts you about doing one, get out of your comfort zone and jump at the chance You won’t regret it.

More Blogging Resources For You

The Huffington Post Complete Guide to Blogging Average Rating: 42 total customer reviews...

Sticky Readers: How to Attract a Loyal Blog Audience by Writing More Better Average Rating: 9 total customer reviews...

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