Blog Entries

How can all this text messaging be a bridge to better communication in divorce?

lstone@fairwaydivorce.com — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 19:53:19 +0100

Technological advances have certainly
changed the way we communicate in our relationships. A new study from the Canadian
Wireless Telecommunications Association (www.cwta)
reports that on average, Canadians sent almost 2,500 text messages every second
last year. That’s a total of 78 billion messages annually; a 40% increase over
2010. Over 103 million photos, videos and pictures were also sent during that
same time period. While many social scientists wonder how these new method [...]

‘Tis the season to be jolly…maintaining your calm before the storm

kwhyte@quarry.com — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 07:00:00 +0100

Although the holidays are supposed to be filled with love, family time and joy, this time of year can be very challenging for couples on the verge of separating. It’s a well-known fact that more divorces get started in January than any other month of the year. Since it’s rare that the decision to separate is made on the spur of the moment, this means most couples who are struggling in their relationships have already discussed separating and are just ‘hanging on’ until the holidays are over. [...]

10 Tips for dealing with the Limbo of separation and divorce

kwhyte@quarry.com — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 07:00:00 +0100

Being in Limbo – not knowing where one will be in the near future, whether it’s 3 months or 3 weeks, has got to be one of the most stressful stages of any life change – and especially in separation and divorce.

As human beings, we like to have a sense of control and security. So when the human brain is under stress, the ‘fight or flight’ mode is fully engaged. Our sense of equilibrium is shaky. We can easily become emotionally hijacked and we don’t have access to our rational brain [...]

You can’t cut 7 in half without fracturing our children’s lives

kwhyte@quarry.com — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 07:00:00 +0100

The thing about divorce is that for most people, it shakes them to the core. Everything they thought their life was going to be has suddenly changed. It feels as if the carpet has been pulled out from under them and, as a result, everyone feels a real loss of control - about their entire life! Your financial future has uncertainty, you might be facing a move, a change in jobs or re-entering the work force after years of being home caring for children. It’s no wonder people grasp to regain ‘co [...]

Stop pushing my buttons!

kwhyte@quarry.com — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 07:00:00 +0100

How can someone instantly go from being an intelligent, rational individual to a crying, yelling, angry lunatic? In my divorce mediation practice, I hear people tell me all the time: “I’m not normally like this”, or he/she “just brings out the worst in me. I just wish he/she would stop making me crazy. I really hate being this way.”

So why is it that your ex pushes your buttons so easily?

It might have something to do with control – or lack of it. Let’s be honest, we all [...]

Because Why?

kwhyte@quarry.com — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 07:00:00 +0100

Conflict and divorce. At times it seems like they are married together, impossible to have one without the other. Divorce brings out so many emotions, so much confusion; making it very difficult to think clearly sometimes. Most people enter into divorce negotiations with an idea or ‘a number’ or what they want. This often is the basis of what is referred to as positioning bargaining. And usually when dealing with positions, there tends to be a winner and a loser. All too often in divorce, p [...]

Get out of your own way

kwhyte@quarry.com — Mon, 30 May 2011 07:00:00 +0100

People have an uncanny ability to get in their own way when it comes to dealing with difficult situations. When we are stressed or operating in a state of fear, it’s easy to get caught up in our emotions and that’s when we lose objectivity and perspective. We justify our thoughts and can convince ourselves with statements like: it’s ok, we are right, we deserve it, they owe me. And while most of the time it’s harmless, this pattern of thinking can easily get in the way of us achieving what is [...]

Helping your children cope with changes during divorce - Part Three: A New School

kwhyte@quarry.com — Wed, 18 May 2011 07:00:00 +0100

So the move is complete and now it’s time to prepare the kids for a new school.

Changing schools can be easy for some and very difficult for others. Try to reassure your children that it’s ok to be sad and nervous. If you have older kids, ensure that they have the opportunity to stay connected to their friends at the old school. When it comes to new schools, it can be an opportunity to make new friends and experience new environments. Children are usually very resilient and adapt qu [...]

Helping your children cope with changes during divorce - Part Two: Downsizing can be difficult

kwhyte@quarry.com — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 07:00:00 +0100

When facing a downsize of living arrangements or a reduction in income, remember that kids will role model our attitudes about money and things. A friend of mine once said: “are you a stuff person or an experience person?”

From 20 yrs in the classroom, my experience is that although kids may seem to be attached to material things, what they really love and crave is your time. And that doesn’t cost anything. Sure you may not be able to offer all the newest toys and gadgets; and dinne [...]

Helping your children cope with changes during divorce - Part One: Dealing with change

kwhyte@quarry.com — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 07:00:00 +0100

Divorce can bring about many changes in the family unit. This can include new housing arrangements, new parenting routines and responsibilities, perhaps new schools for the kids, and quite likely a reduction in family’s disposable income. Let’s face it, this change can be very difficult for adults let alone the children.

In the busyness of changing circumstances, we sometimes forget about the children. They can often feel a little bit lost as their parents sort out the many issues t [...]

Spring Break?

kwhyte@quarry.com — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 07:00:00 +0100

Depending where you live in the country, Spring Break is upon us and with tens of thousands of kids out of school for a week, there is an excited energy out there. Airports will soon be overloaded with holiday travelers seeking to escape the winter weather.

However, what was designed to be an opportunity to rest, relaxation and rejuvenation for both children and their parents; can sometimes become a source of stress, particularly for separated and divorced families.

Who [...]

The truth about divorce is, we’re right

kwhyte@quarry.com — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 07:00:00 +0100

We’ve all heard or likely said it before: ‘if only they would see things my way’, or ‘of course I’m right, it’s the truth’.

Ask two people who attended the same concert to tell you what they thought, and they will very well tell you two very different versions of the same event. How can that be? Does a person’s perceptions influence their concept of what is ‘truth’?

Can there really be only ONE single truth when it comes to the breakdown of a relationship?

If our [...]

Happy Valentine’s Day to Me

kwhyte@quarry.com — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 07:00:00 +0100

Just two weeks after the Christmas season, stores were beginning to show signs of Cupid’s arrival. Now as we approach the mid-mark of February, we see row upon row of hearts, candy, teddy bears, balloons, flowers. It is estimated that over one billion cards will be exchanged, and spending is expected to be over $13 billion in the US alone. All this outpouring of love in preparation for February 14th – a day known as “a celebration of love and affection between intimate companions”.

Divorce is not a four-letter word

kwhyte@quarry.com — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 07:00:00 +0100

We’ve all done it at one point or another. Standing at the cocktail party, or the water machine at the office, talking about who’s relationship has ended. And then the speculation of how, why, and was there another person involved. Somehow maybe it makes us feel safer in our own relationships if we can package up the ‘why’ of someone else’s relationship ending. Since that could never happen to us, we feel safer when we can find a ‘cause’. Maybe if the cause of divorce can’t be found, then it [...]

Are You Confused Yet?

kwhyte@quarry.com — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 07:00:00 +0100

How many times do we make decisions, sign documents, and realize afterward that we only had part of the information needed to make informed decisions? The ‘should haves’, ‘would haves’, ‘oh if I only knew then what I know now’ can leave us frustrated and full of regret. No event can bring these issues to the forefront more than divorce.

January is the month where more people initiate a divorce than any other month of the year. But making the decision to divorce and actually arriv [...]

New Year’s Resolutions – Are You Kidding Me?

kwhyte@quarry.com — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 07:00:00 +0100

With a new year fast approaching, many people look ahead in anticipation for a positive year ahead. We make goals such as to lose weight, get fit, quit smoking, spend more time with the kids – all with great enthusiasm and optimism. But for those who are in the midst of divorce, feeling positive and optimistic can seem about as realistic as climbing Mount Everest.

The pain and hurt associated with divorce is impossible to describe and many people find themselves lost and unsure of [...]

Thriving through the Holidays: A guide for Divorcing Couples

kwhyte@quarry.com — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 07:00:00 +0100

The holidays can be stressful at the best of times. Shopping, decorating, baking, year-end work deadlines, kids concerts, work parties, scheduling, gift-wrapping, family obligations! Are you exhausted yet? It’s a wonder we don’t all do what Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon did in the movie Four Christmases and just bail out of the whole thing. So how do you manage through the holidays when you add divorce to the equation? Well there are some things you can do to help ease the stress load. A [...]