It’s true. But also, it just seems to happen that way; the last four times, the best kitten for us turns out to be a special needs kitten.

I don’t mind a bit. Because some of the best cats come in the most daunting of packages.

Tristan, (seen here with a 2 liter bottle of soda for scale indication,) has grown into a giant cat from teeny tiny beginnings. He’s only 18 months old, so he’s not even done yet.

His challenge? At three weeks old, he needed ’round-the-clock fostering. I had a workplace that didn’t mind me bringing him in during the day, Mr WayofCats is stuck at home with a chronic illness, and we have three other cats, (some even eager,) to help raise him from the correct cat angle. We were in an excellent position to be the foster parents.

Of course, we fell in love and kept him. But if he turned out not to be the right cat for us, (and at that age, it’s hard to tell,) we were also the right people to leverage him into the right home.

Olwyn, our Punkin, was the easiest “tell” of our current cats because she was a tortoiseshell; they have distinct personality traits.

Her challenge? At three months, she needed nursing care from the Failure to Thrive that almost killed her. At a month or two away from complete recovery, she would then have moved out of the “cute & little” category.

She was and is a delightful handful; those unfamiliar with tortitude will get whipped into shape, regardless. Like Tristan, her difficulties were intersections of age and circumstance. There was nothing fundamentally wrong with either kitten; just the wrong place at the wrong time for easy placement.

That was not the case for our Reverend Jim. Our big rock; the heart of our Cat Civilization. He gets along with everybody, and soaks up the love like a fluffy sponge.

His challenge? He’d been evidence in an abuse case. Starved, isolated, and bounced from shelter to shelter getting vet care, he didn’t even look like a kitten when I saw him. His chances of adoption were very low.

He posed one of my most daunting challenges; I even had to make up special toys to help his brain development along. I take cats even if I don’t think I can cure them completely; but I had a hunch RJ could make it all the way back. And he did.

James Bond, now fifteen, is the brains of the operation. It was he who carefully taught Olwyn how to Supervise the household, and he then took a well-deserved retirement to our literal éminence grise.

His challenge? So shy and perpetually frightened he kept getting passed over at the pet shop he’d been dumped at. The proprietors, kind enough to attempt to get him a home, had concluded he was feral. He was destined for the kill shelter to make room for the next batch of abandoned kittens.

I happened by and offered to give him a chance with some taming tricks. He squirmed; but didn’t scratch. He cried; but didn’t growl. Encouraged by these signs, I took him into a quiet part of the store and whispered sweetly and rubbed his little chin and showered him with cat kisses. In ten minutes, he relaxed and accepted affection for the first time in his life. But when I tried to place him in the astonished cashier’s arms, I discovered this magic would only work once. He’d Bonded with me and now I had to take him home.

So if the cat we seem to connect with is also a challenged cat or a deprived cat or a cat who needs help with affection; it can still work out.

I have living proof.

For more on confidently adopting shelter cats, see Dear Pammy, Should I get a cat from a shelter?

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Recently many friends and family have been adding little babies to their homes. Only one of them owns indoor cats, but it did get me wondering how you can properly prepare your kitties for the arrival of a new human?

Dear Readers,

Preparing our cats for a new little human is an excellent idea!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

Of course our cats are going to be noticing the new stuff, the new room, the new intensity as we go about our routines. Let’s use this activity to our advantage so our cat will feel like they “got the memo.”

We’re thrilled. As with all times we present our cat with a new situation, our happy attitude will carry over. So we should not project any worries or stresses regarding how our cat will react to the baby.

They will love each other; when properly taught how to interact with each other. Here’s some tips on Cats and Small Children.

We’re preparing. This is the cat’s chance to explore the crib, car seat, or busy box without the child in it. Let them. We should react to the cat’s exploration of new items with joy and happiness.

Keep in mind that our cats don’t like surprises.

We’re relaxed. It’s wonderful to add a new life to our family. Don’t let “old wives tales,” or the people who tell them, make us second guess any of our choices.

There isn’t any reason to be apprehensive about cats and babies. See Cats & Expecting: The Mother of All Myths to see the most persistent myths about cats and babies debunked.

We’re rehearsing. This may feel a little funny to us, but go ahead and put a doll in the crib or the high chair. One that cries is even better. Then our cats won’t be surprised and startled by the real thing, or what we do in response.

To learn more about this fun training technique, see Train With Drama.

Some cats will hang out in the furthest reaches of the house until the baby gets older and understands “no grabbing!” Other cats will watch over the baby and summon us if they burp or make a bad smell. Either way, we should make the effort to include our cat as we all learn the new routines.

And we all enjoy the new baby.

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With maturity he has learned to be proactive. He’s still a little shaky on how to get attention. But once he’s got it, he happily twirls and rubs his cheek on what he wants, thrilled to be able to communicate his wishes, and ecstatic to have them granted.

It only took four years.

RJ is the epitome of the late blooming cat. Circumstances combined to create almost every instance that leads to it in this one kitten.

Big cat. The more massive the cat, the more slowly they reach full maturity. Maine Coon Cats, Norwegian Forest Cats, Persians, or any other Northern cats take time to reach their full potential.

Cobby type. Biology is destiny for this body type. Compact and stocky, round-headed and beachball-bodied, the British or American shorthairs exudes calm confidence. Even more moderate types, such as the American Burmese, linger in kittenhood and sneak up on maturity.

Deliberate thinker. Late bloomers have a careful mindset. They like to consider all possible angles. If this unearths some new angles to consider, those deserve attention too.

At left, RJ (top) and Tristan are a study in contrasts; body types and mental attitudes.

It’s not that they are slow thinkers. It is that they think slowly.

They are particularly good at seeing events before they might happen; unlike a more impulsive companion who uses their intelligence to get into trouble as much as they get out of it.

Late bloomers are not the quicksilver kind of cat, but they shine all the same.

Early challenges. The keen curiosity and butterfly thought pattern of the young kitten encourages them to explore their world, so they can figure out what is in it.

RJ was severely deficient in terms of getting input and having a chance to influence events. When we first got him, he didn’t even know how to play. But he learned in the course of one evening; and then try and stop him!

Supportive environment. This last element is what allows our late boomer… to bloom at all.

When put under too much pressure, the challenged cat of this type wants to freeze up in an attempt to slow things down. If they are pushed too much they will withdraw, rather than panic, but this brings their development to a halt.

Recognizing the kind of cat we have makes our expectations reasonable, our love less anxious, and our home, secure.

Then watch them bloom.

See the range of cat body types here.

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What causes the cats in My Cat From Hell?

This question is regarding the Animal Planet TV show, My Cat From Hell. Jackson Galaxy, cat behaviorist, arrives at the homes of couples who are at their wit’s end with misbehaving cats.

I was pleasantly surprised at how much of Mr. Galaxy’s advice mirrors my own approach to such problems. While his solutions vary according to the situation, (and this is as it should be,) it becomes abundantly clear that this is not about bad cats. Nor is it about bad people.

It’s about bad cat advice.

These people genuinely care about their cat. They don’t want to get rid of the cat. They only want to stop the bad behavior, and they don’t know how.

Here is where they went wrong:

They attempt to train the cat as they would a dog. This is one of my “pet peeves.” We cannot train a cat with authoritarian methods. They are disastrous choices for cats.

They don’t seem to play with the cat. It is telling that Mr. Galaxy seems to bring out his own wand toy, and must encourage the people to play with their cat. When our cat’s energy is not drained, it builds up inside of the cat, causing anxiety and poor temper. Remember, cats need to explode.

They express affection or attention in confusing ways. One woman overwhelmed her cat with in-yer-face demands for affection. One man insisted on holding the cat upside down, like a human infant. Poor methods create a situation where the downside of getting love and bonding is greater than its upside; for both parties. We must first show a cat affection in their favorite ways, before we get to express it in our favorite ways.

They do not understand a cat’s view of territory. From opening up an outpost to walking their cat on a leash, expanding their cat’s territory gave the cat what they need, and helped them feel loved and understood. A favorite moment was how Jackson Galaxy solved one cat’s claiming of expensive exercise equipment by making her a smaller version she could call her own. This was an excellent demonstration of the training concept I call Yours and Mine.

They blamed the cat instead of themselves. The most insidious problem was that they often had other cats… who were no problem at all. So they never thought they might be doing something wrong. Until they were shown that it was what they were doing.

This meant that the mistakes the people made, they made with their other cats, too. But those cats could shrug them off. Their problem cats could not.

To avoid having a “cat from hell,” we need to consider any feedback we get from our cat, and use it to shape our own responses. If we don’t like what we are getting back; we need to change what we are putting forward

This is a common problem with human brains. We find it very difficult to change from what has worked before.

Even if it doesn’t, now.

Read more about the show in this review of My Cat From Hell.

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Welcome, Mr WayofCats. You recently mentioned you once thought two cats were plenty.

Yes. Now I live with four! And… loving it.

You are declaring yourself a fan of Cat Civilization, which I define as three cats or more.

I am.

see more Very Demotivational

The two cats we had before, James Bond and Puffy, were funny together, mostly because they were so mis-matched. And they didn’t have that many interactions. But now that we have four…

And one of them is Tristan.

And one of them is Tristan! It creates a whole new dynamic. Tristan is so social, it’s a kind of magnifying glass to what is going on. I can see them plotting things. I can watch the communication go back and forth.

Like when Olwyn was taking care of Tristan when he was tiny, and she would shoot RJ a look, like “Get over here and help with this kitten,” and he would get up and come over and start playing with Tristan. That is exactly what happened, it was so clear.

Seems like every day when I come home, you have a funny story.

They are always up to something. There will be road work going on, and someone will get my attention and lead me to the window. Then all of them will appear for the explanation. And they expect me to give an explanation.

I don’t think they can possibly understand “roads” and “potholes” and “heavy machinery” but they do know they have been given an explanation. It’s really amazing. And yes, really funny.

Their last big group project was when I went away to that seminar.

It was the first overnight separation for Tristan, and he was a little clingy, a little puzzled. They all made a point of sleeping exactly where they always do, leaving a space in the bed for you to “appear” in. It was obvious to me they expected some kind of magic from them doing this, because when you didn’t appear, they got all pouty.

This is part of what you taught me about them; that if something good happens, or something bad happens, they will interact about it, they will confer with each other, they will, you know, act like a cohesive group.

Like the way Olwyn took over from James Bond.

Yes, exactly! That was a real mentoring thing, where I could see James Bond kind of “conferring” with her, spending a lot of time with her, and the information got transferred somehow, because she wasn’t very old when she started keeping tabs on everyone, and James started taking more naps. He knew she would take care of all that stuff he didn’t have to keep track of anymore.

I really wish I had known all this stuff before. Growing up, we had this great cat, Max. We had a close relationship, but knowing what I know now, I’m sure he had moments when he was wishing I would “get it” more than I did at the time.

It’s as much you having a good time as it is the cats.

Yes, I exchanged affection with him and took good care of him. But definitely, we’d both have a better time of it once I understood more.

When I last interviewed Mr WayofCats, he discussed raising his first kitten.

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I don’t know what happened. He still hides and avoids laptime and I want more cuddling and kissing. What can I do?

Dear Readers,

What we want, and what our cat is, might be two different things.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

One of the most difficult tasks of cat evaluation is distinguishing the behaviors that are in response to a poor environment from the behaviors that are intrinsic to the cat. We have a tendency to regard a cat’s “shyness behaviors” as a response to traumatic events; behaviors that will melt away when we open our heart and our home to them.

While it is true that making a cat happy and secure will reveal the true cat; that doesn’t mean their favorite way of bestowing affection will perfectly align with our wishes.

When I brought Reverend Jim home, we discovered that he loved cuddling; but he doesn’t do drive-bys. RJ wants a time commitment so he can spread across a chest or lap with complete relaxation and get his purring cranked to the max. After twenty minutes, or even more, he’s “full.” It could be another 12 hours before the tank gets that low again.

He always loves Petting in Place, but for the rest of the day he doesn’t want to be scooped up and cuddled. Fortunately, we have an alternate system for such human needs. We have Sir Tristan.

Since very early kittenhood, Tristan has displayed the opposite pattern. He likes to “touch base” more than a dozen times a day. Despite his obvious affection, he’s never been a lap cat. He gets on my lap, but it’s to bury his shoulder in my chest, ask for hugs and kisses on his forehead; and then he’s off again.

If I wanted a lap cat, Tristan would disappoint me, over and over. If I wanted a cat who liked lots of short-notice short cuddles, Reverend Jim would avoid me; and seem like a cat who is not affectionate at all.

We can create a better chance of getting the kind of affection we would like from our cat with these “affection matching” tips:

Know what we want. Some people would find the demands of RJ’s long sessions difficult to fit into their busy schedule, and then we both wind up affection-starved. Others would miss their great “lap sessions” during a movie if they had a cat with Tristan’s preferred pattern.

We should consider our own preferences, schedule, and expectations; then seek out a cat who will most closely fit them.

Know how to ask for it. I keep an open line of communication with all my cats, and issue “cat alerts” if I’m going to be open to their favorite way of sharing friendship.

We can train our cat that a blanket thrown over our lap means they can settle in for an hour or so while we watch our favorite shows or play a movie. We can show our cat we missed them all day if we hang up our coat and start a play session.

Know when it’s being offered. We can instantly respond if our cat places a paw on our knee or meows at us. If we brush them off as “bugging us” we have just hurt their feelings; and discouraged them from making such overtures.

If our cat seems to pick all the wrong times to ask for attention, we need to let them know when there is a good time.

Know when they are doing their best. It doesn’t make any sense to feel hurt when our Gamma doesn’t need a play session every day, or if our Alpha can’t settle down long enough to cuddle on the couch.

We should keep in mind that it’s a rare cat who will display every possible flavor of affection.

I often get asked how someone’s cat could be more cuddly; or less intrusive. How to get their cat to be more friendly with strangers, less driven, different. But while we can make our cat more confident and trusting, less fearful and suspicious; we cannot change the cat’s essential nature. Any more than we can change our own.

There’s always what I do; have multiple cats to cover all bases.

Maximize our kitten’s potential with Keeping Kittens Cuddly. Figure out all the subtle ways cats express affection with the first post in my Presence series.

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They combine a sweet and trusting nature with an uncertainty about how to manipulate our mutual environment.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

The key to happy Gammas is support. If we can provide enough understanding, attention, and adoration for our Gammas, they will be devoted, and delightful, “children.”

There are great advantages to Gammas:

Leaving our stuff alone. They are the best cat for not messing with our things.

They stay kittens longer. Gammas are the most dependent cat types. They also stay mentally dependent for longer. It can seem that Gammas are slow to grasp something, when that’s not true. They have a slower thinking style. They “get it” but don’t want to commit right away.

Very focused on relationship. This is wonderful for us if we can match that level of interest. Gammas need that coming back, too.

This is why I think of them as the “rabbit cat,” since they are so low-key and cuddly. Gentle Gammas are easily provided for, yet require our small attentions more, than other cat types.

Because there are cautions regarding Gammas:

Need maintenance. We cannot rely on them to let us know they are hungry or thirsty or have an upset; not quickly. Gammas prefer to suffer in silence. We can’t let that happen.

Must have routine. Least flexible with environmental stress, especially since they will leave things alone and don’t even have the stress relief of trying to fix it.

Least of the greeters. They will meet friends; not strangers. Getting from one to the other takes some hanging around and being open, but not pushy. Still, anyone who comes by often can be friends with our cat.

If we want a “living doll” these lovely and loving cats are a wonderful experience.

Look for these breeds & breed characteristics:

Look for the short nose, broadset ears, thicker paws, and stocky bone structure that indicates Gamma traits. A wide-eyed expression, a quiet acceptance of the situation, and a close interest in details of their environment can point to Gamma mental traits in any cat. They come from colder climates and are the least active cat type.

Persians, and their combinations, are the core Gamma heritage.

Read more about the Gamma cat type.

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“That’s true,” I said. “But he’ll always be my baby.”

As seen here, we would really have to stretch our definition of “kitten” to accommodate Tristan as he is today. At sixteen months and almost 12 pounds, he’s longer than RJ, and takes up almost as much room.

He no longer looks like he’s made of tape and pipe cleaners, which had led to his nickname of “my little dill pickle spear.” He’s getting much more rounded and muscular, with a neck as wide as his head and powerful hindquarters we get to see in action quite a lot of the time.

While he doesn’t take on the caretaking roles so beloved of our Supervisors, James Bond and his protege Olwyn, he’s more linked to our daily routines than Reverend Jim. When Mr WayofCats works at his craft table, or I’m at my desk writing, Tristan makes a point of finding a way to be a part of it, even if he’s restricted to passive observing.

Please, Tristan, be a passive observer, is our way of reminding him where our boundaries lie. He is starting to understand what I mean when I tell him that.

Of course, fostering him since the age of three weeks means we will always have that memory of him as a teeny-tiny morsel of catness.

Being an Alpha, he’s going to stay playful and lively, as I explain in Tristan, forever young.

To this day, we cannot play Villain Hands with Tristan. Even Reverend Jim, environmentally deprived and slow to puzzle out certain things, understood the game of Villain Hands. While Tristan simply sees the hands approaching, perks up, and waits to be petted.

Boundaries is the concept Tristan handles in a way which ensures he will always be “my baby.”

It’s a kitten trait to show no signs of being fussy about their boundaries. This works well for kittens at the stage they let anyone pick them up, fall asleep in any lap, or make friends with any cat.

James Bond (at left, top) was born dignified. He never had this kitten trait; and it interfered with him getting a home. Reverend Jim (at left, on left) has become dignified. He never did like being held like an infant. He is highly pleased that he can choose the times and places he melts all over us.

Tristan doesn’t care about dignity. He shows no signs he is ever going to care about developing this important cat trait.

He will assume all kinds of silly postures and doesn’t care who sees him doing it. He loves being cradled upside down, like a baby. He lies on the floor and begs us to kiss his belly. When we do, he never attacks our head or gets overstimulated.

Because of his unique combination of early socialization and innate personality traits, Tristan not only avoided a feral existence; he became the inverse of it. He is the cat version of a human infant’s perfect trust.

We can raise our kitten with respect and love, or foster a kitten from their “furry slug” stage, and still wind up with a highly dignified cat. Conversely, we can go to the shelter or take in a stray and discover a cat who was abandoned by people but still manages to hang onto enough love and trust to relax in our home. The most unexpected of cats can become the “cat baby” we long for; once we show them we are the lovable and trustable human they should have had all along.

They can be any type, any breed, or any combination of breeds. They can overcome bad experiences. They can even come from a feral background. I’ve gotten them tiny and I’ve gotten them grown, from the shelter or off the streets.

Still, I cannot guarantee any cat will develop into such a one. RJ reached out with sweet desperation, while Olwyn was a reserved observer. RJ never liked being held like an infant, while Olwyn loves being “babied” by Mr WayofCats… provided no one else but me might see it.

I’ve had cats like this who melted at my first touch. I’ve also had cats like this who were suspicious and careful; at first. As with so much else in life, it’s not any one thing; it’s the way all the puzzle pieces fit together.

In the end, I simply give every cat what what they need, and remain content to help them be the cat they were meant to be.

Whoever that cat winds up being.

We rescued a tiny kitten, not knowing anything about him. See all my posts about Tristan.

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Jackson Galaxy is a long-time cat behaviorist with a big heart and a personality to match. It only takes a few minutes of watching him interact with “problem cats” to know he really, really likes cats.

He knows cat kisses and the non-grabby hand and extends his glasses to a cat to sniff as an introduction. This is wonderful modeling of the proper way to meet a cat.

Each hour-long show features two different couples, each with a problem cat. Often, they have other, non-problem cats, who must be what I call “easy cats.” They didn’t need any expertise to have a good relationship going with these cats.

Then there’s the “Cat From Hell.” I’m sure the title came directly from Marketing, and not Mr. Galaxy. Because he works with the people to fix their cat problem. As he demonstrates, it’s not the fault of the cat. How can it be otherwise? Yes, these folks were doin’ it rong, but they didn’t know any better.

No matter how bad things look at the beginning, I’m impressed with the way these folks, reluctant to give up their cat despite the problems, will change their behaviors… and then change the way their cat behaves.

Why am I so thrilled? I’m very pleased with the caliber of advice Mr. Galaxy offers; it’s informed by true cat understanding. If there’s any “reality TV tricks” going on they do not detract from the lessons on offer.

The other reason? Well, it sure can’t hurt to have people on television who are unashamedly fond of their cats. Just look at this review, in a major media outlet, of My Cat From Hell:

And You Used to Think Hairballs Were Bad

Scientists now agree that the shortest measurable amount of time is the micro-instant between when a person first acquires a cat and when that person feels the need to use the phrase “bad kitty.”

Anyone not in the cat-owning club is likely to look at these situations and think: “What is wrong with you people? You’re being held hostage by a danged cat. Get rid of it.” But Mr. Galaxy’s philosophy seems to be that there is no cat-human relationship so messed up that it’s not worth trying to fix.

One young man starts out adamantly proclaiming that he is not a cat person but ends up taking his fiancée’s cat for walks with a leash. Advocates of the macho brand of maleness will be hooting at this fellow’s emasculation. The cat, though, seems pretty pleased with itself: another human properly trained.

This kind of half-this/half-that is the usual kind of praise cats get. It’s undoubtedly part of the reason we Cat Appreciators had to wait so long to get what dog people take for granted. This excellent show is a step forward.

It’s currently scheduled for 8 PM EST on Saturdays. The previous show airs an hour earlier if we need to catch up. And I live-twitter it @WayofCats. (Not on Twitter? I post my tweets on the sidebar at right.)

Find out more about the show at the Animal Planet website, My Cat From Hell. Spread the good word!

How did these cats get so messed up? Find out my take in What causes the cats in My Cat From Hell?

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They combine great social skills with an ease about asking us to manipulate our mutual environment.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

The key to happy Betas is friendship. If we can provide enough companionship, interactivity, and social possibilities for our Betas, they will be compassionate, highly-invested, community contributors.

There are great advantages to Betas:

Easy going. They are the hardest to unruffle or tip over. But they are the best to notice where improvements can be made, and so do not have their tolerances tested as much as other cat types.

Easily amused. They have the driest sense of humor, and find it more often, than other cat types. Their forgiving nature smooths out grievances, even ones they were not involved in.

Social, social, social. Maybe not the life of the party, but definitely the soul of the house, Betas will work at everyone getting along. Their delight in any other friendly creature is infectious.

This is why I think of them as the “dog cat,” since it is so easy to be friends with them and make them happy. Betas are born with the most innate trust of humans.

Still, there are cautions regarding Betas:

Loneliness. The worst thing you can do is leave them alone; some suffer with more grace than others, but it’s an unnecessary stress on this kind of cat. Since they get along with other cats so well, starting off with two Betas is the best way of covering their needs for interaction.

Right toys. Betas must have the prey cycle in their play. It’s not wearing them out so much as satisfying their need for a daily hunt.

Target for distress. We are so important to our Beta that their efforts to get needs met will target their people. They will need our attention to focus on them at such times until the difficulty is worked out.

They want to be our best buddy.

Look for these breeds & breed characteristics:

Betas tend towards round heads and body type known as “medium,” with neither the long slenderness of Alphas or the stocky big-boned builds of a Gamma. They have prominent facial structures, adaptable personalities, and a high interest in prey behavior.

These are the great mousers and ship cats and sailor companions who spread all over the world because people loved to have them around. And it was mutual.

Shorthair is the core Beta heritage, and can appear in the most unlikely of places.

Read more about the Beta cat type.

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