Since hooking up the Mac Mini to the television, it goes without saying our Apple TV is getting less use. The primary app running on the Mac Mini is Hulu Desktop, which has proved a solid app, recreating the TV experience on a computer with a minimum of fuss. It even responds to a remote flawlessly.

But the other big plus for Hulu: free. Well, free plus ads. Even the lesser quality compared to Apple video downloads is trumped by free plus ads.

Coming in second is the Netflix Roku box which I’ve praised endlessly so I’ll spare you the details, but monthy subscription is pretty close to free in terms of the end experience of flipping through shows.

What I’m coming around to: Apple’s pay per play deal doesn’t work so well with TV shows. Works okay with movie rentals, but there’s so much competing “free” content, even that one step of “purchase” throws up many barriers that delay the impulse.

For instance, whenever we want to rent a movie via iTunes, there’s the “wait, let’s check SpeedCine and see if it’s available elsewhere” moment, and sometimes that’s enough to kill the mood.

So Apple TV is now used for increasingly rare movie rentals and as a media bridge to play all the content stored on the Mac Mini. Not much at all that a game console couldn’t do, and therefore even this Apple fanboy finds himself sadly unable to recommend the Apple TV to others.

Some options to make the Apple TV compelling again come to mind:

• Add ads: Supplement the TV show pay per download model by adding a cheaper, streaming with subscription, or free with ads.
• Let it run iPhone apps and developers will take care of the rest.
• Leverage the iPad: Drop the storage, essentially make it a cheap wireless dongle that accepts video input from an iPad or streams content from a computer or the web. While playing back content on a TV, iPad turns into a ginormous remote. Plus, stores all the content if needed. Big reason: iPad looks to outsell Apple TV. Apple TV might (sadly) sell better as an iPad accessory (and yes, this would include video output from iPhone / iPad apps).
• Kill it, but duplicate functionality in a new Mac Mini. Absorb the software into front row and add an hdmi port. Blu Ray drive wouldn’t hurt. Anybody who wanted an Apple TV could just buy a Mac Mini

It’s unlikely Apple will add Hulu or Netflix functionality. The studios will continue to be jerks so exclusive content or better deals than elsewhere is also unlikely.

Anyhow, all the above ideas have been bandied about here and elsewhere for months if not years. It’s pretty clear Apple needs to update the Apple TV in a bold way or kill it.

Because the current strategy of calling it a “hobby” and doing nothing as other options catch up, is essentially the same as the latter.

0 stars

Starring Heather Graham, Jerry O’Connell, John Corbett
Directed by Brian Herzlinger

Synopsis

Career woman Angela (Heather Graham) and husband Curtis (Jerry O’Connell) suddenly find themselves unexpectedly expecting. Best friends Danny (John Corbett), Sylvia (Katie Finneran), and demanding boss Mary (Lara Flynn Boyle) inavertandly threaten to tear the couple apart.

The Good

N/A.

The Bad

• You know you’re in for a bad time when the opening credits feature crappy CGI that could date from 1992 on an Amiga.
• Intent on testing the boundaries of gross-out comedy, mostly ends up merely gross. You get to see a man yanking off in his office, a flesh-light, many boners, water breaking, and some lame running joke about Korean massage parlors.
• Graham and O’Connell just look confused or unhappy to be there, Graham in particular defining that vapid “deer caught in the headlights” stare.
• Many jokes look pathetically added in later via closeups after the footage was shot, likely an attempt to salvage a bad movie but just making things worse.
• None of the characters behave with any awareness of being a human being; all are cartoony stereotypes on which to drape gross jokes.

Conclusion

Absolutely horrible. One of those films where you never once believe any of the characters are real, and your mind wanders toward pity for everyone involved, and wonderment at how such dreck gets green lit and foisted upon the public.

IMDB: Baby On Board
Wikipedia: Baby On Board
Rotten Tomatoes: Baby On Board

The missing piece turns out to be the iPhone app and associated service: SimpleNote. The SimpleNote iPhone app is similarly, refreshingly minimal as Notational Velocity: a search field, a list of notes, and tapping on any note in the list opens it for editing.

After downloading the app to your iPhone, sign up for an account to the SimpleNote website. Your iPhone app will then sync with the website, where you can edit notes via a web interface.

Then you can get Notational Velocity editing these same notes. Fire up Notational Velocity, go to Preferences, and the Synchronization tab, and enter your SimpleNote account info. Do this for all your copies of Notational Velocity, and they’ll all remain in sync, editing the same notes.

Note: You can’t have two copies of Notational Velocity syncing both to SimpleNote and a DropBox folder (as I suggested in an earlier post), or an endless loop of documents will be appear. Make sure only one of your Notational Velocity apps is syncing to a DropBox. I set Notational Velocity on a Mac Mini syncing to DropBox, and reassigned the MacBook Notational Velocity to a folder in Documents.

So the end result: Notational Velocity on two Macs synced, plus an iPhone using SimpleNote. You can create and edit documents on any of the above and they remain in sync. Plus, all note files are backed up into DropBox.

= 4 stars

Take revenge on the green pigs by launching angry birds at their towers.

The Good

• Simple gameplay: tap the sling shot and drag up or down to aim at the right side of the screen. Lifting your finger launches the angry bird at a tower at the far right. Watch the results and plan your next move. Your goal is to eliminate all the green pigs hidden within each tower to pass the level.
• Increasing challenge results from more complex level design. The towers you must destroy are built of rocks, glass, and wood of different size, weight, and arrangement, that react to gravity when falling. The challenge becomes a solid mix of skill and luck.
• Interesting details add variety as you progress through the levels. You start out with red birds, then tiny blue ones that split into three if you tap the screen after launch, and yellow, triangular ones that speed up for ramming capability. With all three, feathers fly upon impact.

The Bad

• After every shot, the screen awkwardly shifts from the screen’s far right to your slingshot at the far left. Timing could use some tweaks; it takes a little too long for points to tally up or the level to reset – I found myself manually hitting the reset button to speed things along.
• Would like the ability to have the bird-launching overlap more, or allow several birds to  be launched simultaneously. Terrible strategy, but would be fun.

Conclusion

Despite a few fussy details that slow the game down, solid entertainment. Am sticking with it to see if any cats show up. Recommended.

iTunes App Store Link:

Seems the competition between Google and Apple is heating up, with a New York Times article reporting some increasing behind-the-scenes rivalry, specifically around Android.

Which naturally got me thinking: if hypothetically forced to choose between Apple and Google – without hesitation – I’d go with the former.

Tally of what’s before me right now: two Mac Minis, MacBook, Apple TV, iPhone, Airport Extreme, several iPods. Running Safari and iTunes (loaded with music, iPhone apps, rentals, and TV shows from Apple). Typing this article in Notational Velocity.

In my world, for all the great things Google has done, it’s still primarily, just a website. Gmail is a great email service, but I could switch to .Mac since I download all my mail into Apple’s Mail app every day. I still use Safari and Firefox more than Chrome. I can’t imagine giving up the iPhone for a Google one. I regularly use Docs and Reader, but can think of equivalents to switch to. Buzz and Wave are amusing diversions with lots of potential, but simultaneously, disappointments.

Google Search is the one thing that would be a little difficult to give up, but I could do it (hello *cough* Bing). But this underlines a general feeling that Google’s only clear success so far, has been search. All else has been interesting, but certainly nothing comparable to Apple’s string of successes: Apple II, Macintosh, iPod, OS X, iPhone, iTunes, App Store.

And the choice becomes clearer when getting down to dollars and cents: I’d estimate last year, what with the purchase of a new Mac Mini, Airport Extreme, iPhone apps, music, TV rentals, Mac software updates, etc. – several thousand dollars were handed to Apple. There may as a well be an “Apple Tax” where I set aside pre-tax dollars directly to Apple. Kind of like a flexible spending account for Apple addicts. I literally start each year with a budget for Apple products (this year, iPad and new iPhone).

Meanwhile, I haven’t paid a single red cent to Google. I can’t think of a single Google product or service I’d pay for. If Google started charging money for Gmail: bye bye. I’m currently paying for a Mobile Me subscription for no clear reason whatsoever; I should start using it.

This thought clarifies how dedicated I am to Apple: I’m paying $100 for Mobile Me, which I hardly use. Suppose Google started charging $100 a year for Gmail, Reader, Buzz, Chrome, Docs, and Wave? Without hesitation, I would find free alternatives.

I need Apple. I like Google, but definitely do not “need” them, any more than Microsoft.

And I just thought of another use of Google: Adsense to display the nonsensical ads on this here blog. The occasional checks are generally speaking, sent directly to Apple in exchange all their cool products.

There’s some odd justice in that – robbing Schmidt to pay Jobs.

= 3 stars

Starring Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Mathieu Amalric
Directed by Marc Forster

Synopsis

James Bond (Daniel Craig) investigates the death of Vesper Lynd, which leads to a multinational conspiracy based in Bolivia.

The Good

• Craig, steely, stoic, stone-faced killer, who seems to subsist on alcohol and quick kills.
• Driven to avenge Vesper Lynd, Bond actually goes rogue, abandoning M and going off on his own, recalling the previous, dark Bond misfire Licence to Kill.

The Bad

• Haphazard, confusing direction during action scenes: think Michael Bay where things are shot from a thousand different directions and cut between as quickly as possible. You get the feeling of always missed something.
• Convoluted plot, without much of a payoff. Previous Bond conspiracies led to some delusional mad man overseeing a ridiculously complicated base in the bottom of the earth containing a spaceship. Where we end up is nowhere grandiose enough.
• Unimpressive “Bond women,” especially in the comparison to Lynd of the previous outing.

Conclusion

Despite the opportunity to make a better License to Kill, all we have here is average Bond in every way except one: the solidly menacing Craig. But that’s not enough to take a flick over rental material.

IMDB: Quantum Of Solace
Wikipedia: Quantum Of Solace
Rotten Tomatoes: Quantum Of Solace

= 3 stars

Mr. Montblanc wants a clean lawn. Get to work, Mario doppleganger.

The Good

• Retro-pixely graphics resembling some imaginary NES console.
• Simple gameplay: tilt the iPhone left or right to move; shake up to jump. Position your broom over brown patches on the lawn to clean them up. Avoid obstacles: relentlessly pooping dog, flying birds, giraffes, and pigs. After a death, you re-enter the screen by falling from above, which gives you an opportunity to pop a balloon, sending a bone to the ground – a welcome distraction to that craptastic dog.
• Free

The Bad

• The bizarre setup soon results in strange questions: Why can’t Sweep Man leave the right side of the screen and appear on the left side like the animals? What does the dog eat that generates yellow “bonus” poop (and why should poop of any sort generate a bonus)? As poop flies from birds, pigs, and dogs at a rapid rate, one wonders if money ever exchanges hands, because this is the worst job ever? Sweep Man looks like Mario, is this some subtly sick joke on the Nintendo franchise?

Conclusion

Seriously odd game. Free is the best thing going for it – I’d be much harsher if this game cost even a cent. A moderately amusing “meh.”

iTunes App Store Link:

= 3 stars

Starring Mia Wasilkowska, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter
Directed by Tim Burton

Synopsis

Older and facing an arranged marriage, Alice (Mia Wasilkowska) returns to Underland (turns out she heard it wrong the first time), home of the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp) and the Red Queen (Helena Bonham Carter).

The Good

• Thankfully, not a remake, but a remix featuring an older Alice, with Lewis Carroll works rearranged in a new way – Alice becomes the hero of the Jabberwocky poem. The older Alice’s gloomier, late adolescent mood informs the darker version of Underland.
• As expected from Burton, loads of inventive visuals and art direction. Loved the Cheshire Cat, tart-eating frogs, the White Queen, and the bizarre body distortions of the Red Queen’s gigantic head and the Knave’s (Crispin Glover) elongated body. When the two stand aside one another, it’s amusingly odd.
• Bonham Carter as the petulant, screaming Red Queen. Her oversized, yowling head, with perfectly-timed, goofy facial expressions, cuts through all the stifling CGI nonsense – that’s acting. Depp does good, too.

The Bad

• Despite a promising start, the rabbit-trail eventually leads to today’s standard, action movie conclusion: CGI character battle.
• Mediocre CGI, usually during that dangerous area where human actors interact with computer-generated ones. Unlike Avatar, the visuals aren’t amazing enough to make up for the mediocre story.
• Distracting silliness: Anne Hathaway’s ballerina poses, the Hatter resorting to dance, and an endless list of objects thrown about just for the sake of 3D.

Conclusion

The Alice in Wonderland tale (“lost girl” wanders into a strange world and learns some life-lessons) is by now, an animated movie cliche (Labyrinth, MirrorMask, Pan’s Labyrinth, Coraline), requiring extreme variation to make it worth the trip. Tim Burton’s version is solid entertainment; but I’d sooner return to Pan’s Labyrinth or Coraline’s basement than down this rabbit hole again.

IMDB: Alice In Wonderland (2010)
Wikipedia: Alice In Wonderland (2010)
Rotten Tomatoes: Alice In Wonderland (2010)

Solid article over at BusinessWeek about the cable companies reacting to threat of video delivered using the Internet. The article uses the term “TV Everywhere” which is essentially what I’ve oft-referred to as “digital video nirvana.”

The big reason why the trend hasn’t taken off: The studios are reluctant to free up their content to the Internet. Why? The cable companies pay a lot of money to the studios to air programs. The studios don’t want to anger the cable companies (their biggest customers) by getting too close to any of the new, untested digital video upstarts (Apple, Boxee, Roku, Netflix, Hulu, etc.).

The cable companies response: allow folks to watch content on their computers, as long as they can prove they’re an existing cable customer. The same companies also conveniently control the Internet connections to many homes. This plan is so simple, it will likely work. It’s no inconvenience to current cable subscribers. Customers will take the path of least resistance: accept whatever new services the cable company offers, paying extra on a monthly bill if need be, rather than canceling cable and venturing off into the wild west of Internet video.

It takes a particular personality to pursue Internet video, plus time and effort to set up a cable-less entertainment system. I’ve done it, but certainly see myself in the minority. Many view cable as a necessity, on the level with a water or phone bill, and going cable-free is viewed as some odd personal choice like fruitarianism. Yet the only way the studios will ever get behind video delivered over the Internet is people disconnecting cable subscriptions en masse.

It will be personally, rather disturbing to someday achieve digital video nirvana, but via a bill paid to a cable company – the very people I was trying to get away from in the first place. There’s something uncomfortably circular about the whole concept.

= 5 stars

Starring Joeseph Gordon-Levitt, Nora Zehetner
Directed by Rian Johnston

Synopsis

High school loner Brendan (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) investigates the murder of his ex-girlfriend.

The Good

• Interesting combination of film noir and teen movie, that works a lot better than it should. Belonging to particular clique, Brendan proves a capable detective, able to traverse many different social scenes looking for clues. Familiar school archetypes translate reasonably well to stock crime characters (jocks as heavies, theater girls as molls, a popular girl the femme fatale, and a nerd character sporting James Dean spectacles). But the analogy has an underlying, psychological reason: teenagers tend to be self-absorbed, as if they’re starring in their own personal movie. Perhaps the whole movie is filtered through Brendan’s eyes.
• Solid directing – simple film techniques in support of the story – space for actors, quick cuts for action, and interesting visual composition bringing a new perspective on every day settings (one scene with a ray of light and a mirror struck me as fairly brilliant). Even more amazing: this is director Rian Johnston’s first movie, created with a budget of half a million, and filmed around the his home town of San Clemente, CA.
• Two notable performances: Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Nora Zehener as the femme fatale. The mystery’s worthwhile payoff plays out quite magically between two actors on a football field between a mountain of dialogue.
• Some grim humor in all these shady proceedings happening under the noses of parents and other clueless adults (Twin Peaks, River’s Edge.

The Bad

• Early scenes feel rather disjointed; it takes a while to realize where things are headed.
• Other than the two leads, the cast of largely unknown, inexperienced actors occasionally sink things to drama club rendition of Chinatown.

Conclusion

Could have easily gone wrong in so many places: a small budget, new writer / director, a risky premise, no known actors – but it all works out quite magically, due to capable, inventive direction supporting a solid film noir story. By the final scene, I was invested in the characters and the film earned that final star. Director Johnston is on my watch list.

IMDB: Brick
Wikipedia: Brick
Rotten Tomatoes: Brick

= 3 stars

Pixel-cartoony version of the “five finger fillet” game, where you bounce a knife between fingers and try not to stab anything.

The Good

• Super simple gameplay: tap the screen to drop the knife as it moves from side to side. Earn bonus points for hitting gaps in sequence.
• The pixely, retro graphics prove highly amusing – small lines appear on fingers after near misses. Chop a finger and see the amusing reaction from bearded Brave Man.

The Bad

• Almost too simple; more of a novelty than a game with any attempt at longevity.

Conclusion

Amusing diversion, certainly the type of game you’ll show to friends – but there’s a good chance they’ll chuckle not at the app, but your misguided purchase.

iTunes App Store Link:

= 2 stars

Starring Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Connelly, Justin Long
Directed by Ken Kwapis

Synopsis

Several couples in various states of commitment and lack thereof, search for love with mixed results. Based on a bestselling book.

The Good

• In true soap opera fashion, several couples’ relationships overlap in amusing ways: connected through roommates, co-workers, friends, or clients.
• Connelly is the best of the bunch, playing somber, uptight housewife Janine, whose husband Ben’s (Bradley Cooper) hidden habit of smoking becomes symbolic of their entire marriage – he’s attracted to the mesmerizing, voluptuous, commitment-phobic Anna Marks (Scarlet Johansson). This trio could have been the entire flick, with all other characters banished to The Jane Austen Book Club.

The Bad

• All the other high-profile actors (Drew Barrymore, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston) have relatively small and inconsequential roles – Aniston in particular sleepwalks through this one.
• Inconsistent tone: starts out darkly comic, laying out blunt “rules” that men and women follow: guys behave exactly as they feel, while women dream up fantastical explanations for their mysterious behavior. The true explanation for why men don’t call: they’re not interested. But the film drifts toward the standard romantic comedy, happy ending, feeling rather forced and disingenuous.
• Justin Long, AKA the “Mac Guy” plays a know-it-all bartender – I kept expecting John Hodgman to appear, with conflicting advice. But another flaw is zero chemistry between Long’s know-it-all and a clingy, needy woman who keeps pestering him for information.

Conclusion

Sort of worth watching for Connelly – but at film’s end, I turned to my wife (romantic comedy lover who inexplicably, recently watched The Ugly Truth three times) – who gave it the thumbs down. I can therefore say with confidence to avoid this one.

IMDB: He’s Just Not That Into You
Wikipedia: He’s Just Not That Into You
Rotten Tomatoes: He’s Just Not That Into You 44%

Notational Velocity is a Mac desktop app that put simply, speeds up the writing process. With a little investment into how it works, thoughts can be put down in text form almost as fast as you can type. But its real killer use is in combination with DropBox (another service recently given the thumbs-up).

To start writing a new document, type a title in the top field and hit return, which takes you into the document’s body. Type away. To edit an existing document, type its title in the same field at top and your saved articles appear in a list, immediately below. So the top field does double duty as search or starting a new file – fairly brilliant.

All notes are saved automatically, so you can forget about file commands. You can set files to save into a designated folder, so you can forget about file management.

Now add in DropBox. Under Notational Velocity’s preferences, you can define a particular folder for Notational Velocity to save all of its documents to. Set up a sub-folder within DropBox. DropBox automagically uploads said files to the web, plus syncs the files across your computers, and even allows viewing via the iPhone.

Other nice features: Notational Velocity can save its files in text format, so they can be edited in other programs (and also be found in Spotlight), tags, lightning fast find/search/replace across files, spellcheck, and URLs are automatically active.

I’ve been testing Notational Velocity by editing blog articles across two Macs, and it’s worked flawlessly. Enough so, that I’m actually moving content out of Google Docs and into this desktop app. That may sound like a step backwards, but while the cloud is great for storage and syncing, a UI rendered in a browser always runs the risk of being slower than that of a desktop app. Using Notational Velocity plus DropBox means writing is as fast as possible, while the file management capabilities of the cloud do its syncing magic in the background.

Anyhow, if you haven’t completely given up on solid desktop apps for the cloud, give Notational Velocity a try.

Get Notational Velocity
Get DropBox

= 4 stars

Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Kathy Bates
Directed by Sam Mendes

Synopsis

Set in 1955, Frank (Leonardo DiCaprio) and April Wheeler (Kate Winslet) tire of their safe, suburban life in Connecticut and plan a move to Paris.

The Good

• Questions the entire “settling down” routine, where for the sake of raising a family, parents defer their own dreams. Our elaborate societal constructs of cubicles, jobs, and houses can become a glass prison, but an unusually sadistic one, where fellow inmates unconsciously prevent anyone from leaving, ensuring mutual unhappiness.
• Solid performances by DiCaprio and Winslet, particularly DiCaprio who swings from charm to unhinged anger and heart-breaking sadness. Most of the film’s best moments contain the pair playing off each other, with moments of heated conversation seeming painfully familiar to anyone in a relationship where compromises are inevitably made.
• Some great directorial moments: one perfect cut indicates attraction, the drop-out of a soundtrack a seduction, and a crazy guest falls out of focus in the background, with Winslet in the foreground, cigarette smoldering, visually depicting her attempt to ignore his words.
• Plot-wise, an awareness of what is better left out: Frank and April’s early romance isn’t shown, and periods where nothing much happens are omitted.

The Bad

• Predictable – you know this can’t end well from the opening moments where Frank sleeps with a secretary.
• The nostalgic and suburbia ennui elements sometimes come off as Mad Men lite, notably the office guys, a bored housewife (Betty Draper is still tops), and the introduction of the children.
• The whole “suburbia-is-hell” routine has been done before.

Conclusion

Despite a predictable plot, performances by DiCaprio and Winslet are worth seeing. Recommended.

IMDB: Revolutionary Road
Wikipedia: Revolutionary Road
Rotten Tomatoes: Revolutionary Road 69%

= 5 stars

Sequel to the already-excellent Vector Tanks, a variation on the retro arcade classic Battlezone. Drive a tank through a vector landscape, blowing up enemies with a variety of weapons.

The Good

• Solid, responsive controls: place thumbs on the left and right sides of the screen, and swipe up or down to move.
• Insane variety has arrived: Weapons include rapid fire, rail gun, heat-seeking missiles, and a highly-destructive nuke. All are dropped by enemies in the form of collectible power ups. Enemies include trucks, three tank types, and helicopters that can only be shot down with missiles or nukes.
• Nice details abound: Your tank has rechargeable shields, exploding enemies spray parts across the landscape,  and a radar keeps track of land mines, obstacles, enemies, and even weapons fire – so you can literally see missiles headed towards you from behind.
• Gameplay satisfyingly progresses from relaxed challenge to insane craziness as more enemies pile on, attacking from all angles. You can start at a higher level for greater challenge, or play a special, crazy “rage” mode with unlimited enemies, lives, and firepower, where the challenge is to score as many points as possible within a two-minute time limit.
• Choose from two gunners (St. John “Carnivore” or Straub “Deadlock”) who add amusing gameplay commentary.

The Bad

• The fire button is located at the lower center of the screen, which requires some dexterity to use.

Conclusion

Having given Vector Tanks four stars; this Extreme version definitely earns that extra fifth star. It’s a Battlezone sequel Atari would have been proud to make. Highly recommended.

iTunes App Store Link:

While no fan of lawsuits in general, I expected this from Apple. Recall the keynote debut of the iPhone, where Steve Jobs tossed in one comment on the best iPod, phone, and Internet communicator: “Boy have we patented it.” A not-so-thinly-veiled warning from day one. Apple has a long history of lawsuits, being sued and suing others. Par for the course.

So I’m actually more interested in Google’s reaction. As much as it would be justified, I don’t expect Google to counter-sue. Google has long had this mantra of “don’t be evil.” As far as I can recall, they rarely file lawsuits (although they are sued quite regularly).

But if Google does counter-sue Apple: I’d say Steve Jobs was right: In my mind, Google’s whole “don’t be evil” mantra would clearly be exposed as “bullshit.”  They may be justified in fighting back, but it would change my opinion of their company, effectively placing “don’t be evil” in the proverbial Trash.

Which, naturally, is patented.

= 4 stars

Hungry customer wants hot dogs with ketchup.

The Good

• Retro pixely graphics.
• Super simple gameplay. Two co-workers send hot dogs down a conveyor belt, toward a hungry customer who hates mustard. When hot dogs laden with mustard pass before your character, tap the screen to grab and toss them away. Your task is to let the ketchup hot dogs through and toss the mustard ones. That’s it.
• Long list of (unintentionally?) funny elements: Co-workers continue making mustard hotdogs when they clearly aren’t wanted – they should just – stop with the mustard. What happens to the hot dogs tossed on the floor? The customer has an endless, voracious appetite, and never gains any weight. Will he ever settle the bill? What does the letter “P” on your hat stand for?

The Bad

• Wanted more variety after a few go-rounds.
• Don’t believe there’s any way to win.

Conclusion

A completely retarded, simplistic app. But because it’s so odd, I can’t stop playing. Recommended.

iTunes App Store Link:

After not watching The Bachelor for literally, several years, got sucked into this season featuring Jake, a hunky blonde pilot.

What a mistake.

Things went wrong from the first episode. One contestant named Rozlyn got kicked off for having an “inappropriate relationship” with a show producer. Bad move, because that was some juicy conflict (plus she was pretty hot). From there until the finale, the only other moment worth mentioning was San Francisco Marina-ite Ali, forced to quit in order to keep her job. What company would be worth ditching love? Facebook. Well, with all the free meals and potential IPO, that makes sense. I should have taken a cue from Ali and quit watching.

After endless reams of cheesy greeting-card platitudes and weepy, forced goodbyes, Jake’s final choice came down to opposites: Tenley the dancer who worked for Disney, so bubbly and girly a competitor said she “***s rainbows,” or Vienna, the blonde, slightly cross-eyed, Beverley Hills chihuaua lover that the other women contestants disliked, surely in the “I’m not here to make friends” category. Warning sign: Jake’s family preferred Tenley.

So who did Jake choose? Vienna. The super-skank over the sweetheart. I hate this show; I’m never watching another episode again.

= 3 stars

Monster throws Apple into the air. Bounce Apple higher by drawing lines that act as trampolines.

The Good

• Retro pixely graphics, like some game platform circa 1984 that never was. Personally, a step above the doodle aesthetic.
• Simple gameplay. Swipe up, and Monster throws Apple into the sky. You then draw carefully placed lines across the screen that act like trampolines and bounce Apple ever higher. Short lines are more elastic, resulting in higher bounces. Guide Apple towards pencils before you run out of sketching power.

The Bad

• Can’t apply any gravity english to Apple by tilting the iPhone.
• Monster only appears at the start of the game. The dude looks cool; wish he was more integral to the gameplay.
• Wanted more variety after only a few go-rounds.

Conclusion

Wish Apple And Monster had more compelling gameplay to match the oddly appealing, retro graphics. Still, amusing diversion, priced appropriately at 99 cents.

iTunes App Store Link:

That said, am not going to pre-order. Seems necessary to fiddle with this particular product in person before pulling the trigger. See how light it is, play around with the touch screen, try out the keyboard, etc. The iPad isn’t as easy of a sell as the iPhone or a new MacBook. With that in mind, really hope Apple displays some iPads at Apple Stores well before the ship date.

= 3 stars

Starring Renee Zellweger, Morgan Freeman, Greg Kinnear
Directed by Neil LaBute

Synopsis

After the untimely death of her husband Dell, waitress Betty Sizemore (Rene Zellweger) treks to Los Angeles in search of Dr. David Ravell (Greg Kinnear), a character from her favorite soap opera.

The Good

• Betty hails from a twisted small-town with bloody undercurrents, working in a coffee shop – think Twin Peaks lite.
• Zellweger displays a needed amount of heart and vulnerability for a character with a tenuous grasp of reality. She regularly lapses into polite befuddlement, as people can’t figure out if her treatment of Dr. David as a real person is faked or sincere. Most assume she’s looking for the actor, and when eventually found, the man behind Dr. David takes things to another level. Also good are a philosophical Morgan Freeman and Allison Janey as a spiky television writer.
• Contains a decent amount of twists and turns, and eventually makes a statement on mass media’s manufacture of fantasy, and its effect on reality.

The Bad

• Side plot of two hit men tracking Betty feels derivative of Pulp Fiction, with gratuitous violence (scalping) and endless conversation to match.
• Lost interest around the last fifteen minutes, which unwisely goes for a happy ending.

Conclusion

An anti-romantic, black comedy wrapped around a neat performance by Zellweger. Despite a weak ending and some senseless violence – worth a rental.

IMDB: Nurse Betty
Wikipedia: Nurse Betty
Rotten Tomatoes: Nurse Betty 84%

= 4 stars

Starring Jeff Bridges, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Robert Duvall
Directed by Scott Cooper

Synopsis

Worn-out, chain-smoking, alcoholic country singer Bad Blake (Jeff Bridges) has literally hit the end of the road, playing crappy venues in the American Southwest.

The Good

• Bridges, totally engrossed in his role, delivers a solid, mesmerizing core performance, even contributing his own vocals. Am no country fan, but I soon became engrossed in Bad Blake, the crappy venues he plays, and his dejected plight, even down to his odd habit of leaving his pants undone at every opportunity. Gyllenhaal is also reliably solid as single mother reporter Jane, in which Bad subconsciously senses a last chance at redemption.
• Some amusing comment on the “real” country artists vs. the mass-produced type. A young, former band mate of Bad’s named Tommy Sweet (Colin Farrell) has hit the big time, yet has the wisdom to remember Bad and eventually give him a deserved opportunity. The music sounds honest, in large part to the guiding hand of T-Bone Burnett (O Brother Where Art Thou, Walk the Line) – also explaining the appearance of a Sam Phillips song.
• A neat moment with Duvall and Bridges in a boat neatly sums up the importance of Bad’s talent: life is rough and short, yet its fleeting emotion can be expertly captured for future reference by a songwriter. And country music is particularly suited to simple wisdom.

The Bad

• Although Jane makes some choices that are thankfully, in keeping with her character, the plot becomes predictable and the resolution a bit too tidy.

Conclusion

Bridges’ engrossing performance rises above the paint-by-numbers plot. Shame Bad Blake isn’t real; I guess the second best thing to do is buy the soundtrack.

IMDB: Crazy Heart
Wikipedia: Crazy Heart
Rotten Tomatoes: Crazy Heart 92%

= 3 stars

Starring Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, Steve Martin
Directed by Nancy Meyers

Synopsis

Successful divorcee Jane (Meryl Streep) inadvertently winds up in an affair with her re-married ex-husband, Jake (Alec Baldwin).

The Good

• Streep proves quite funny, displaying a goofy dedication to making this silly movie work. Baldwin is solid as the confused, horny cad, selfishly justifying this indiscretion as not so bad, since they were once married. Yes, he’s a lawyer. Also amusing is son-in-law Harley (Adam Kransky), growing increasingly uncomfortable as he discovers what’s going on between Jane and Jake.
• The comedy formula isn’t that complicated: fifty-year-olds acting as retarded as the guys in The Hangover or Superbad. I laughed out loud at Jane and Jack’s first drunken encounter, his pathetic attempts to wheedle his way back into her life, and a party featuring a hilariously scary tattoo.

The Bad

• Needlessly materialistic and hence unrealistic: Santa Barbara homes, remodeling projects, fancy cars, no money worries anywhere, and everyone seems grossly able to take plenty of time off from work. Jane is a great cook, successful businesswoman, and a great mom – wonder why she needs a man.
• Martin is far too reserved as architect / competing love interest Adam.
• Dramatic conflict arrives far too late and is resolved far too easily, leading to an unsatisfying ending.

Conclusion

Streep and unexpected laughs are canceled out by Martin and a fizzly ending, resulting in a wash, despite how hard I laughed at “going native.” Rental.

IMDB: It’s Complicated
Wikipedia: It’s Complicated
Rotten Tomatoes: It’s Complicated 57%

= 3 stars

Starring Lizzy Caplan, Jessica Lucas, Michael Stahl-David
Directed by Matt Reeves

Synopsis

A party is interrupted by a gigantic monster attacking Manhattan.

The Good

• The whole film is found footage from a hand held camera in the hands of a desperate-to-survive character.
• Judicious use of special effects; monsters appear briefly, heightening the tension.

The Bad

• Paper-thin characters. A group of narcissistic twenty-nothings, obsessed with their cellphones and digital cameras (only a self-centered person would keep a camera on at all times while hell is breaking loose).
• Ridiculous, horror movie logic. The characters have multiple chances to escape (they even meet up with the military at one point) but unwisely choose to return to the most dangerous part of the city to save one of their friends.

Conclusion

A good example of style (War of the Worlds meets The Blair Witch Project) failing to overcome lack of substance, specifically the standard horror situation of silly people you don’t care about, being picked off one by one. I wish these scary events had happened to more interesting victims.

This wasn’t the case with the old Mac Mini now delegated to the television. But the 2009 Mac Mini has a Mini-DVI and Mini DisplayPort, and enough oomph to drive two screens. I just had to purchase a Mini DisplayPort to DVI adapter.

Running two monitors on a Mac is very straightforward. In System Preferences, the 23″ widescreen appears as 1080p (1920 x 1080). The smaller 19″ monitor is off on the left running at a slightly lesser resolution of 1440 x 900. Using Displays in System Preferences, you can tweak the color profiles, background image, and resolution, for each monitor. While in Arrangement, you can even drag the standard Mac menu bar to whichever monitor you like.

Anyhow, glad I remembered the dual monitor ability of the Mac Mini before putting the old monitor on Craigslist, turning it into a MAME cabinet, or setting it face-down as a cat bed warmer. Which is what I had in mind for the dead Blu-Ray player, if Best Buy had not been so kind.

= 1 star

Starring Renee Zellweger, Harry Connick Jr., J.K. Simmons
Directed by Jonas Elmer

Synopsis

Snooty Miami executive Lucy (Renee Zellweger) is dispatched to Minnesota to restructure a manufacturing plant, and soon finds the extreme cold, small town ways, and bristly local union rep Ted (Harry Connick Jr.) more than she bargained for.

The Good

• Some humor in urbanite Lucy’s inability to cope with the extreme cold and quirky small town setting (quaint accents, “Fish fry friday,” tapioca pudding). She’s improperly dressed, can’t hunt, and eventually drives a car into a snowy ditch.

The Bad

• Zellweger’s plucky charm from her Bridget Jones role is completely absent. There’s zippo chemistry between her and Connick Jr. – perhaps the icy temperatures rendered her frigid.
• From the one-sentence synopsis above, you know the rest. Lucy gains humanity. Opposites attract. She saves the plant. None are spoilers to anyone with an IQ above 60 below zero.
• Lucy’s plant-saving business plan comes off as completely ridiculous in this consumer-absent recession.

Conclusion

Bitter cold has frozen all life out of this one. Skip it.

IMDB: New In Town
Wikipedia: New In Town
Rotten Tomatoes: New In Town 18%

Perhaps, since the cheap-ass Blu-Ray player has a WiFi connection, it read my previous post documenting its lack of use, and decided to teach me a lesson. Today the Blu-Ray player refuses to turn on, getting stuck at a “Power On” display and going no further.

I didn’t even turn on the player to watch a movie, merely to install a recent firmware update. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get that far.

Now begins the fun of taking this about two-month old piece of kit back to the store from whence it came (BestBuy) and see what happens. I still have the receipt but unfortunately, tossed the box. BestBuy return policy is 30 days which I am past, but hopefully the 1-year warranty will apply here, sans box.

And the questions begin: Why do I need a Blu-Ray player anyhow? I only watched two movies on the thing. No answer here. I’m not motivated to spend more money and get a better player, especially if I just lost $100 bucks on this one. I know Steve Jobs wasn’t talking about cheap-ass hardware failure when he said Blu-Ray was “a bag of hurt,” but those words feel pretty applicable right now.

To alleviate the annoyance, I remind myself of the WTH price. Sometimes one gambles on cheap-ass hardware and loses. The low price should be acceptable collateral damage which can be brushed off as no big deal. But the smart thing would be to quit with Blu-Ray now, while the pain isn’t too bad, and stick to digital downloads and streaming, which will only improve in quality from now going forward.

But I can’t say I feel too smart right now, instead, merely feel that I’m left holding the bag – of hurt.

= 4 stars

Starring George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts
Directed by Steven Soderbergh

Synopsis

Danny Ocean (George Clooney) brings together a team of oddballs in order to pull off an audacious Las Vegas casino heist.

The Good

• The heist is quite complex with enough twists to both maintain interest and seem fraught with possible failure. Exactly what the plan entails is smartly kept secret until it’s well into motion and plays out before our very eyes.
• Charming, efficient, yet simple direction by Soderbergh. While set in glammy and glitzy in sunny Las Vegas, the camera is often handheld and organic. Sodebergh adds all sorts of inventive touches, like focusing on a pine air freshener which seems odd at the time, but proves important later (it’s in a particular truck), or balloons blocking the camera, demonstrating visually what transpires moments later when the same balloons block the casino security camera. Some crucial plot points are communicated with surprising efficiency, like a flashback where Tess recalls Danny slipping a cellphone into her pocket, and at best, the crucial payoff where Terry Benedict realizes who exactly did what and how screwed he is – everything finally plays out before our very eyes, and we realize what happened just he does.
• In some sense this film works as a love story. It’s entirely possible Danny Ocean concocted the scheme just to steal Tess back from Benedict.
• A good amount of actorly chemistry between Pitt and Clooney. Polite, joshing insults are met with a smirk and acknowledgement that cocky yet relaxed confidence will be one of the reasons why they’ll pull this whole thing off.

The Bad

• Tess isn’t directly involved in the heist and mostly serves as window dressing to the manly posturing and antics.

Conclusion

I made my way back to Ocean’s 11 after watching the sequels (Ocean’s Twelve, Ocean’s Thirteen), and it holds up surprisingly well. It’s easily the best of the three movies, enjoyable enough that I can see, possibly, returning years from now to give it that extra star.

IMDB: Ocean’s Eleven
Wikipedia: Ocean’s Eleven
Rotten Tomatoes: Ocean’s Eleven

Last year, an indulgent Christmas present to myself was a cheap-ass Blu-Ray player that cost a little more than my WTH price of $100. At that price, I am willing to take a chance on a new technology, feeling that if it doesn’t work out, I’m not out that much money.

But so far, this cheap-ass Blu-Ray player isn’t pulling $100 worth of weight. I’ve had it over a month, and so far, only watched a whopping two Blu-Ray movies on it (Iron Man and Adventureland).

Yes, it was nice seeing Robert Downey Jr.’s facial hair and Kristen Stewart sulk drearily in HD detail, but still – just two movies.

One reason is my preferred DVD distribution method of Netflix. Many titles aren’t yet available on Blu-Ray, and those that are, more likely have “Very Long Wait” for the Blu-Ray version vs. immediate availability for DVD.

Second is the availability of HD content via other means – namely the Apple TV or the Netflix box. On one hand we have “Very Long Wait” for Blu-Ray Inglourious Basterds via Netflix or rent it in HD, right now, via the Apple TV, for $4.99. Not having to wait a month may likely be worth five bucks here. The Netflix box also has some HD content, particularly television shows.

I know there are some hairs to be split regarding the not-really-HD content from Apple and Roku (720p I believe) vs. Blu-Ray, but frankly, the difference is negligible to my eyes and certainly not worth waiting weeks (or trekking to a video rental store, which I can’t recall the last time I set foot in) vs. enjoying a flick right now.

So distribution over the Internet is doing pretty darned well as far as I’m concerned, and becoming my preferred method of watching movies and television shows. It’s all Apple TV for rentals and media bridge, Hulu on the Mac Mini, and Netflix Watch Instantly. Getting discs by mail just isn’t as convenient next to these options. Using a disc for media distribution is dying if not dead, and I’ve become skeptical that Blu-Ray will truly catch on, and if so, it will definitely be the last disc format anybody bothers with. I for certain am not purchasing any Blu-Ray discs proper.

Perhaps I can repurpose this technological wonder into a black, remote controlled cat bed warmer and get some of my money back?

= 3 stars

Starring Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Eric Dane
Directed by David Frankel

Synopsis

Journalist John Grogan (Owen Wilson) and wife Jennifer (Jennifer Aniston) are the owners of Marley, a loveable but very naughty dog.

The Good

• Much of the bad dog stuff is pretty funny: Marley loves mangoes, gets into trouble playing on a special beach, and destroys a training session where a Ms. Kornblut (Kathleen Turner) explains Marley’s misbehavior through his self-image as an alpha dog.
• Gets to the heart of why we love pets – no matter how our lives change, and they are unintentionally marginalized and ignored – they return only love and loyalty.
• While Wilson essentially sleepwalks through his role, Aniston makes up the difference, which some well-acted emotion at key moments.

The Bad

• The film’s end is slightly gratuitous – I don’t think they had to show some final moments.
• Much of relationship stuff is unthreateningly harmless and fluffy (no pun intended) – very little conflict between John, wife, and family. Their lives go generally, movie-perfect well – neither character ages despite children growing older. The film’s ultimate pay off only occurs in the final frames.

Conclusion

Despite vanilla for the majority of its running time, Marley And Me finally delivers the goods by its end in a surprisingly straightforward way. Worth a rental, especially if you’re a pet owner – and if so, you’d better have a box of Kleenex handy.

IMDB: Marley & Me
Wikipedia: Marley & Me
Rotten Tomatoes: Marley & Me 61%