The Bounce Leadership Feed

Building Personal Capacity

Bounce — Sat, 21 May 2011 01:06:42 +0000

Getting more done through energy rather than time. Check out "Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time by Schwartz and McCarthy on HBR to learn how to increase your personal capacity.

What does the organization of today require?

Bounce — Sat, 21 May 2011 01:00:21 +0000

This is a great blog post by Holly Green at Forbes - "The organization of today will require leadership that can operate on the edge of chaos by relinquishing command and control and creating an environment of mutual trust and respect."

What does your inner critic tell you?

Bounce — Wed, 18 May 2011 19:40:50 +0000

What if the one thing you have control over - YOU - was also the common denominator in all of life's misunderstandings, conflicts, and arguments?

Check out "Your Critical Inner Voice" on HuffPost Living by Lisa Firestone.

The Exception or the Norm?

Bounce — Wed, 18 May 2011 19:53:39 +0000

At a recent Wharton Leadership Lecture, Deloitte's CEO, Barry Salzberg, shared, "Leadership now needs to be the norm, not the exception".

Salzberg went on to say, "..leadership needs to be flat today. It needs to be transparent. And to thrive in an ever-changing world, companies must actively commit to cultivating younger leaders throughout the organization".

Check out the rest of the article at Knowledge@Wharton to read more about what he calls his "no ostriches, no elephants" principle - no burying your head in the sand if there's a problem, and no ignoring the elephant in the room."

"Does Corporate Culture Pay?"

Bounce — Fri, 20 May 2011 11:16:55 +0000

Check out this recent article in Inc. by Paul Spiegelman. He explores the value of investing in company culture as not only the right thing to do but also making good business sense.

RELEASE!

Bounce — Sat, 21 May 2011 19:31:19 +0000

For me, writing is a release. A way to make sense of my human experience. To sort through the density of emotions, the muck of insecurities and ultimately emerge with new clarity.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been struggling to liberate the words I’ve been writing in my heart. Even my journal has been collecting dust. Like me, my words have been stuck. And this morning I awoke with a candid message from my soul, “Release the words and be free.”

Deep breath.

...I don’t like myself right now. I’ve been enmeshed in a story familiar to anyone who has spent time looking in a mirror. A story where the main character, no matter how much she is or does, is somehow not enough. Sound familiar?

Given the multitude of conversations I’ve had this month, I’d say this story is a best seller in our culture of “superpeople.” We race through our days switching hats and striving to be the best mom, the best friend, the best wife, the best colleague, the best teacher, the best writer, the best daughter and sister….until we are exhausted and realize that we haven’t fully lived into our potential in any of these roles. And we find ourselves stuck in victim mode.

I am ashamed to admit some of the sentences that have escaped my mouth this month. All of them soaked in nauseating “poor me” rhetoric.

To my kids on Mother’s Day, “I give and I give and I give!! Is it too much to ask that on one day of the year, you only think of me?”

To my husband in response to his simple (and calm) inquiry about his dry cleaning, “Can’t you see I’m doing the best I can—how can you yell at me for forgetting your dry cleaning?”

To my colleague after reading though some difficult feedback from 7th graders, “I just want them to get it… we’ve put our hearts and souls into this curriculum…how can they be so mean?”

And the worst…to my 4th grade girls who chose to play with the parachute in PE instead of coming to our closing circle, “But I baked cookies…”

Yes, I am very small in these expressions. I’m needy and manipulative and totally unlikeable. I am in the muck. I can see the paradoxes at work in my life. I’m giving more than receiving…doing more than being…motivated more by ego than by spirit. Ahh, clarity is beginning to surface and I am emerging as the hero of this story.

Here’s what I know. What I bring to every role I play is a sense of home. Comfort, unconditional love and total transparency. There is a welcome sign on the doors to my insecure places. And by allowing others in, I give them permission to open to their own vulnerabilities. Yes, I am a master of this.

And I can be better. It starts with managing the polarities in my life. Hmmm… instead of volunteering at my kids’ school on Monday, I’m going to treat myself to a facial. On Tuesday, instead of making my daily to do list, I am going to navigate my day in “being mode.” And when my ego starts screaming for validation from the outside world, I will go within to find it. I will honor my gifts and love myself for the essence of who I am.

I have a vision for the kind of human being I want to be; the impact I want to have on others; the contributions I want to make toward building a better world. I am a creator. My journey toward realizing this vision is comprised of a million small steps. This week, I am coming out of the darkness and into my own light… one small step at a time.

"Ditch the Rules and Grab the Guidelines"

Bounce — Wed, 18 May 2011 19:30:03 +0000

"Ditch the Rules and Grab the Guidelines" - this is a great blog post by Mike Figliuolo about how organizations could benefit from leading by principles rather than operating by hard-and-fast rules.

Is the most important thing just "being nice?"

Bounce — Fri, 20 May 2011 21:12:35 +0000

Lee Cockerell, of Disney fame, spoke this week to a lecture hall full of business and community leaders at VCU, and one of his key messages was....you guessed it: Be Nice.

Lee's message was broader and deeper than just this, of course, but his bottom line truly was that it takes emotional intelligence to be a leader. You have to be self aware, listen to and respect others, and be positive and warm and appreciative in your interactions, no matter who the other person is.

Lee told a series of stories to illustrate his key takeaways from a career and life of leadership. Read more at his web site, or in the articles written about the event by Richmond Times Dispatch writer Peter Bacque or VCU staffer Lelia Ugincius

Values Based Leadership

Bounce — Wed, 18 May 2011 19:19:41 +0000

Our friends at Luckstone did an amazing job telling their story of "Positively impacting the lives of others through Values Based Leadership" yesterday!

Luckstone is embarking on a journey to become a world class, values based organization. And they clearly have the vision, the passion, and the values to do it!

Thank you for inspiring us yesterday. It is companies like yours that are a beacon for the work we do.

Changing Education Paradigms

Bounce — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 00:43:43 +0000

Take a look at this RSA Animate on You Tube that gives a compelling 11 minute talk about changing the Educational Paradigm.

"If Only"...4th graders learning the right thing to do through creative thinking

Bounce — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 11:34:25 +0000

This inspiring TED talk by John Hunter, who began his teaching career in Richmond City, offers how he creates the space for his students to make meaning from an experience and out of their own understanding.

Spend 20 minutes today listening to how he uses The World Peace Game to engage 4th graders in solving the complex problems of today's world. It is a fabulous example of what is possible - teaching young people how to think creatively inside a classroom that is both nurturing and challenging.

What does it really take to make change work?

Bounce — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 12:42:53 +0000

We love this recent Forbes post by John Kotter, Change Leadership: The Biggest Mistake I See, Strategy First, Urgency Second

He explains how change is as much of a heart process as it is a head process: "And then that process breaks down because from day one it involves too few people and becomes too cerebral, and to make something big happen you’ve got to have a lot of people in it, they’ve got to want to do it and it’s got to be both a head and a heart process, because the heart provides the energy to make something big—a big leap—happen. Strategy versus the problem is what we’ve all been taught, and very very smart and capable people do it all the time."

If you think about it we were taught to turn to our heads yet we naturally and intuitively want turn to our hearts. n

12 Ways Leaders Fail New Managers

Bounce — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 12:03:18 +0000

Learn from these mistakes when promoting new managers. Businessweek's, Jeff Schmidt offers 12 common errors that can start a promising leader off on the wrong foot.

Number 1: Sending new managers into the trenches without basic training. And take it from us...the type of basic training managers need to be successful looks quite different from what they typically get!

A Masterpiece of Leadership

Bounce — Sun, 01 May 2011 17:38:57 +0000

If Bounce had a billboard, this is the face it would feature. Meet Art Raymond. Behind that boyish grin is the inspirational leader of Moody Middle School.

Three years ago, Mr. Raymond opened his mind, his heart, and his school to the power of Bounce. What began as a pilot program in one 6th grade classroom has evolved into a school-wide leadership development effort for administrators, teachers, and students. A true visionary, Mr. Raymond has embraced leadership development as an art that starts with the individual and ends with a better world.

At Bounce, leadership is about authentically connecting with oneself, compassionately relating to others, and courageously contributing to the world. Art Raymond is a shining example of this “ME, WE, and World of Leadership.” He has connected who he is to how he can make a difference—and what a difference he is making!

Running a middle school is a daunting endeavor. When I first witnessed Art Raymond in action, I was struck by his capacity to maintain his presence in the midst of chaos. It was between classes and Mr. Raymond stood in the main hallway, a beacon of authority. I watched him greet students as they passed. He knew their names; he looked them in the eye; he offered what they needed in the form of praise or encouragement.

When the bell rang, I followed Mr. Raymond to his office where a line of teachers waited for him. Appeals for his attention streamed from his walkie-talkie, and his secretary informed him that he had two calls waiting. Through it all, Mr. Raymond remained cool, genuinely acknowledging the importance of each person before him and efficiently prioritizing their requests.

In that first meeting with Mr. Raymond, I immediately recognized his incredible capacity to lead others. It was 6 months later, through the Bounce Teachers as Learners program, that I had the honor of learning about the human being behind the principal title. In this intimate personal and group development setting with his 7th grade teachers, Art shared openly and honestly about his journey as a human being and as a leader. It became clear that his ability to lead others is directly linked to his own self-awareness, his willingness to be challenged, and his unyielding pursuit to become his best self.

Mr. Raymond’s vision for a better world is being realized through his teachers and students who are connecting who they are to how they can make a difference through community service. Last week, in a closing Bounce event, 300 7th graders celebrated the impact they had on their world. Their contributions ranged from collecting 50,000 bottle caps equating to 50 hours of dialysis to creating a video on bullying awareness and prevention. The students told us, "We wanted to prove that even people with less experience can make a difference...We showed anyone who thought we couldn't, WE COULD"!

The celebration culminated on the football field for the launching of 10 rockets, made by each class and signed by each student. The rockets represented the spark—the unique brilliance-- of every 7th grade student and teacher! As the above photograph illustrates, Mr. Raymond was excited by this launch of amazing leadership potential— his vision for greatness reflected in the shining eyes of his teachers and students.

Thank you, Mr. Raymond, for your authenticity, your compassion, and your courage. In the human art of leadership, you are a masterpiece.

Corporate Seedfolks

Bounce — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 13:18:53 +0000

How are some seeds and a strip of land stirring hope and action (and perhaps even a little transformation) in companies around the world?

Check out this Fortune article, Gardening at Work is sprouting up all over, to see how company's like Baxter International, Google, and Hewlett Packard are discovering the impact connection, altruism, diversity, adaptability, and perseverance have on the bottom line.

And if the article leaves you wanting more, take a look at the book Seedfolks, by Paul Fleischman. We recently used it to help a team tap into each individual's unique contribution in pursuit of their school's vision.

Bottom line: whether you are running an organization, a school, or a household - connecting your people to themselves, each other, and a meaningful vision allows them to shine.

My Fasting Experience

Bounce — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 15:00:05 +0000

The 8th graders at Moody Middle School are in the middle of their "Week of HOPE," a leadership legacy project based on the Mother Teresa quote, "If you can't feed 100 people, then just feed 1." Through HOPE (Help One Person Eat), students are raising awareness around local hunger. Among the many activities and efforts this week is a challenge to fast for funds. Kenny Xu, an exceptional leader and human being, reflects on this experience that united his body, mind, heart, and spirit.

Though the prevailing case for my fasting was to raise funds to fight hunger in Richmond City, I had decided beforehand that this was going to a similarly spiritual experience. To fast in the Christian religion is to really give myself to God, to put even the basic necessities of life aside and trust God with all my heart to provide. And what better time to do the fasting than on Easter Day, the quintessential Christian celebration to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection? The love in my heart at that day, I felt, was only surpassed by the love of God himself. Only too prevalent in my mind, however, was the fact that the love in my heart will soon have to compete with the hunger in my stomach.

My Last Supper was the greasy, oily products of a take-out Chinese restaurant infamous for their salt content and jaw-dropping cheapness. I honestly don’t know why I chose that. Thank goodness my lackluster choice didn’t come to bite me in the back for the rest of the 24 hours.

I participated in a 6:00 Easter Church service with a guest that I invited; little did the rock-n-roll praise band know that they were kicking off the start of my fasting as well as the souls of hundreds of churchgoers and visitors. I was electrified; my pastor made me want to fist-pump the night away, a spark whizzing through the crevices of my brain, giving me an extra burst of inspiration. God was with me on this. And possibly the meals of multiple families relied on me. Yet I was ready.

The electrification, however, did not last long into the night, as even a fast could not whisk away the pile of homework that so menacingly overflowed the edges of my computer desk. A 222-question study guide, a chapter in a textbook that sent me reeling, and a grizzly bear disguised as a math study guide awaited me, thanks to a lovely middle school with a not-so-lovely workload. I worked late into the night with the guitar solos and churning voice of Jon Foreman from the band Switchfoot blasting into my ears…but even that grew tiring, and at 10:00 at night, my limbs were starting to feel the fatigue that encompassed me as the result of the lack of food. But I was determined not to let hunger win; to let the 130-some dollars of funds I collected not be nullified because of the imperfect lack of will that I possessed. And I already promised myself I would stay up until Easter midnight, just to feel a taste of the hunger that bleeds itself upon 38% of the Greater Richmond area.

I prayed every hour that night, probably more than that. My strength was being diminished, a sense of dizziness working its way into my head. I had to rely on another’s strength. And thank God this other’s strength was unlimited. Through him I slaved away at my homework, just as a poor man had to work long hours with no fill to keep him going. More of the poor, the homeless, the tired and the hungry, I realized, were Christians than the people highest up in the food chain. The message of hope in Christianity was scoffed at by atheists up at the top, but to these people who need a source of hope, that things will get better, I realized that Christianity provides exactly what they need…a knowing that they – the poor, the sick, the hopeless – may be unloved by the world, but there is a God that loves them. Hope. HOPE. I smiled in my suffering that our slogan, our defining word in our BOUNCE project was also the word that Jesus Christ uttered many a time in the Gospels.

The Gospels were my bedtime stories that night. And when 12:00 Easter finally dawned, I was slugged on the floor, not even a pillow to rest my head. Though this was not deliberate, it reflected the harsh sleeping conditions that gave nightmares to the hungry. My dreams were few and far between, though I do remember me at a Five Guys shop, tearing my teeth into the juice and joy of pure beef patty and spicy Dijon Mustard. Thanks, brain.

I found myself on the bed when I woke up, my mom probably dragging me into the covers late at night. She was so inspired by my commitment and drive to fast for 24 hours that she decided to do a half-fast: Where she only eats half her normal portion of food. Less cooking for her, I suppose! I love my mom and the rest of my family so much; when I converted to Christianity at the age of twelve, they followed and now our family has never been closer. But my fasting experience was only preceded by one 30-hour fast in February, and even then I was surrounded by friends to keep me going. But this time I only had my mom (my dad was in San Diego and my sister was at a sleepover)…and God. Breakfast was reluctantly skipped. I saw a lone Cheerio standing on the ledge and I was tempted to pop it in my mouth.

But my biggest temptation, ironically, was at my morning church service. It took the form of a luscious coffee cake with an aroma that must’ve been brought from heaven. My mouth salivated for such a thing; my entire youth group was chomping on the sugar crumbs while I was sitting there twiddling my quite-numb thumbs. Hunger again crawled into the deep recesses in my brain, taunting me, dancing in my head. I had to ward it away, and it wasn’t easy.

At twelve noon, instead of eating lunch like normal people, my family journeyed to our office to clean it up. Volunteering to clean the office seemed to have reinvigorated my limbs, and I cleared up the dust and vacuumed it all up, while my sister mopped. I could feel the love of God seeping into her as well; she didn’t charge my mom. I remembered when I was ten, my spoiled nature acted as a contamination to my family, with my life revolving around me. But then it all collapsed. My self-absorbed mountain was now a garbage dump full of declining grades, few friendships, and my constant self-loathing. But Jesus was my savior. Because of God’s forgiveness, my past life was washed clean – white as snow. And I began a newer, better one.

The last 3 hours were taken up by a visit to Barnes and Noble. My eyes could not gather the energy to rise above drooping, my legs were utterly drained of energy from food. But it was the homestretch. I sat on a chair and began to pray. I stayed there, my eyes closed, my body mind, and spirit united by one force – God. My fasting was so that people could have hope – impoverished people, darkened people, unloved people…they would all have hope. And food was their hope. I walked out of Barnes and Noble knowing that I had Helped One Person Eat.

Thank God.

Leadership in Motion

Bounce — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 15:58:56 +0000

Check out today's Metro Section to read about some cool leadership development work we are doing inside a Henrico County School and the impact young people and their teachers are having on our community!

Building Better Bosses...the Google way

Bounce — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 12:06:14 +0000

Google has recently been on a quest to apply a data-driven approach to the unpredictable world of human interactions. We are not sure why data is so important to prove something we all "know" but the findings in this article help re-enforce what the "experts" have found time and time again - what really is necessary to be successful in the challenging and rewarding role of manager.

Check out this New York Times article, Google's Quest to Build a Better Boss, for a few reminders and perhaps a couple of surprises. In case you don't have time to read it now...here are a couple of highlights we thought you might find helpful:

They found that technical expertise — the ability, say, to write computer code in your sleep — ranked dead last among Google’s big eight. What employees valued most were even-keeled bosses who made time for one-on-one meetings, who helped people puzzle through problems by asking questions, not dictating answers, and who took an interest in employees’ lives and careers.
“In the Google context, we’d always believed that to be a manager, particularly on the engineering side, you need to be as deep or deeper a technical expert than the people who work for you,” Mr. Bock says. “It turns out that that’s absolutely the least important thing. It’s important, but pales in comparison. Much more important is just making that connection and being accessible.”
People typically leave a company for one of three reasons, or a combination of them. The first is that they don’t feel a connection to the mission of the company, or sense that their work matters. The second is that they don’t really like or respect their co-workers. The third is they have a terrible boss — and this was the biggest variable. Google, where performance reviews are done quarterly, rather than annually, saw huge swings in the ratings that employees gave to their bosses.
Google found Managers also had a much greater impact on employees’ performance and how they felt about their job than any other factor
“The starting point was that our best managers have teams that perform better, are retained better, are happier — they do everything better,” Mr. Bock says. “So the biggest controllable factor that we could see was the quality of the manager, and how they sort of made things happen. The question we then asked was: What if every manager was that good? And then you start saying: Well, what makes them that good? And how do you do it?”
GOOGLE executives say they aren’t crunching all this data to develop some algorithm of successful management. The point, they say, is to provide the data and to make people aware of it, so that managers can understand what works and, just as important, what doesn’t
Although Google’s approach might be unusual, its findings nevertheless echoed what other research had shown to be effective at other companies. And that, in itself, is a useful exercise.
“Although people are always looking for the next new thing in leadership,” he said, “Google’s data suggest that not much has changed in terms of what makes for an effective leader.”
“You don’t actually need to change who the person is,” he says. “What it means is, if I’m a manager and I want to get better, and I want more out of my people and I want them to be happier, two of the most important things I can do is just make sure I have some time for them and to be consistent. And that’s more important than doing the rest of the stuff.”

Women in Leadership

Bounce — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 11:51:14 +0000

Did you know that the United States ranks 68th in the percentage of leadership positions held by women?

Where are all the Senior-Level Women? Check out this recent WSJ article to learn why there are not more women in senior positions even with the best efforts of corporations and how middle management women might be the answer we have been looking for.

Just the Way YOU Are

Bounce — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 12:15:59 +0000

A group of eleven 6th grade girls affirmed their amazingness by singing the Bruno Mars hit to themselves and each other at maximum volume. The blindfolds allowed for full expression and release during an intense session dedicated to the topic of Appearance.

Labyrinth is a program designed to help girls become leaders of their own lives-- even at the vulnerable age of 12 when physical appearance too often dictates one's social standing and ultimate happiness. We used "the path" to illustrate how we think, feel, and act/react to pictures of supermodels and pictures of girls who are overweight with skin issues and "uncool clothes." We talked about prejudice and our responsiblity as females to make the "power of pretty" secondary to inner power.

In the end, we burned a fashion magazine and celebrated our amazingness through meditation and song! "Cuz girl, you're amazing... Just the way YOU are!"

Learn about Leadership

Bounce — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 14:59:06 +0000

Not going to Atlanta for LeaderCast? You don't have to---LeaderCast is going to be available right here in Richmond, Virginia, through a partnership between ChickFilA and some of our favorite local partners like LuckStone and the Center for Corporate Education at VCU. Attend the session on May 6 to learn about leadership and change from some of the very best national and international speakers.

Leadership Arlington

Bounce — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 12:25:09 +0000

Jay Markiewicz represented Bounce at Leadership Arlington for a day of Education. A full day of activity was kicked off by Dr. Murphy, Superintendent of Arlington public schools. Bounce followed with an energetic and engaging session on mentoring skills. 50 diverse leaders from the local Arlington business sector enjoyed learning on how to be an effective and influential mentor. Jay joined the group for the remainder of the day and enjoyed touring a local school, gaining a deeper understanding of the technology offers in another diverse school, then listened to an eye opening presentation on gangs delivered by past gang members.

Our leaders did it!

Bounce — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 15:18:04 +0000

I do some contracting for a leadership development program in our federal government so last week I received a call. The message left was that in the event of a government shutdown, I had been designated as "non-essential personnel and should not report to work on Monday." I have to admit to having mixed feelings about the label "non-essential" but in this domain, I recognize that there are many many people who are central and essential to the running of our country.

Those essential people stepped up on Friday and averted a shutdown! According to an article in the Chicago Tribune yesterday, they found ways to communicate their perspective, and listen to that of others. They negotiated when it made no sense to dig in their heels and stood their ground when something needed saying. Kudos to our leaders! A job well done to set egos largely aside and consider the greater good of all.

Reference:

Kathleen Hennessey, Lisa Mascaro, & Peter Nicholas. (2011, April 10). D.C. gamesmanship to the wire: Amid tensions, leaders worked to build trust and avert federal shutdown. Chicago Tribune, p. 21. Retrieved April 11, 2011, from Chicago Tribune.

Silence is Golden

Bounce — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 13:31:53 +0000

Coaching can have amazing impact for how others see their challenges. As coaches, we ask powerful questions that allow our clients to reflect on their perspective, and to consider what else might be possible. As impactful as a thoughtful question can be, however, I was reminded yesterday of the power of silence.

Our monthly coaches meeting focused on practicing and deepening some of the core competencies of coaching. One of the tools that we worked on was providing silence to our clients. And what I discovered was that when they had a quiet space to speak into, many of our clients became more reflective and certain. They quickly discovered their own answers.

I wonder if this is true in all of our conversations, and not only our coaching conversations? I wonder how often we give one another the gift of silence and, in doing so, enable each to feel deeply heard and to discover their own wisdom?

Where might you choose silence today as a way to offer another the gift of a safe space in which to speak their truth?

“In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in an clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth.”

Mahatma Gandhi

Teachers as Learners - Co-creating a community of Trust

Bounce — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 11:54:29 +0000

Can you imagine a school that empowered its teachers and students to bring forth their unique strengths, gifts, and values to co-create a community of trust?

Moody Middle School can and is!

On Friday, April 1st, we gathered with our fearless leaders from Moody Middle School - eleven 7th grade teachers and their administration for their last day of leadership development. And this was no April Fools:) Thanks to our friends and partners at Luckstone, Friday's offsite was held at their beautiful site in Manakin-Sabot.

For the teachers this journey has, "helped us define and develop our sparks and venture down the road to greater self-awareness. The Bounce experience will enable us to experience our “best selves” and provide greater leadership for our students."

For the 300 young people these teachers lead - they are working with their teachers in a different way. While learning about the important concept of Emotional Intelligence (a predictor of success that is 4X greater than IQ which is also missing in todays standard educational curriclum) these young leaders are applying their new knowledge to making a positive change in their world. On April 27th, these teachers and their students will be holding their first ever Service and Spark Rally - celebrating the unique spark of each student and how they have used that spark to contribute to their community.

As for the Moody community - what out world a spark for change in our community has been ignited!!

Working with a Wondrous Team of Teachers and Leaders at the Oneness School

Bounce — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 14:26:43 +0000

The Oneness School is a magical place, a school on the outskirts of Washington, DC that embraces and teaches the whole child in all his/her "oneness". Jay Markiewicz and I were lucky enough to spend a day this week with the team of teachers and leaders at the school sharing practices of emotional intelligence, listening, and choice. Oneness is amazingly aligned with Bounce in their shared philosophies of providing a balance of support and challenge in order to maximize learning. It's an approach we see as having huge impact in all our schools. Feel free to support the Oneness School by making a donation, or by spreading their philosophy to your own school. Let Bounce know if we can help!

Grace Happens....

Bounce — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 01:36:06 +0000

Please allow me a few paragraphs to shamelessly brag about my kid. Now, I’m not a parent who boasts through bumper stickers about the grades or athletic prowess of my offspring. But if I did have a bumper sticker, it would say, “I am the proud parent of an emotionally intelligent human being.”

My oldest child, Grace, is 11 (“and ½,” she would tell you). She is a A student (with an occasional B thrown in for flavor and humility); she is a great swimmer and runner and she dabbles in a couple team sports (usually as a bench warmer); she loves to sing (but not for other people); she sparkles on a stage; and she has declared that her real “spark” is writing (she gets that from me). She has lots of friends and an infectious smile that lights up the hallways of nursing homes and preschools. She’s a great kid.

Over the past year, Grace has been feeling anxious about finding “Her Thing.” Evidently, Suzy is destined for Broadway; Bonnie is being recruited for the Olympics; Jane already has a job lined up at the New York Times; Lucy is on her way to Harvard. And Grace… well, she has proclaimed herself pretty good at a lot of stuff, but not great at anything.

In the eyes of my beautiful child, it isn’t enough to be “pretty good at a lot of stuff.” And unfortunately, this notion is perpetuated by a secondary educational culture of “specialty schools” and “gifted education.” In many areas, the days of just attending your neighborhood high school are obsolete. Now, if you don’t have a “specialty” in which you excel or a standardized test doesn’t deem you as gifted… well, somehow you start to believe the notion that you are not enough.

What about the kids who are pretty good at a lot of stuff? I was one of those kids back in the early 90’s and I was celebrated for it. Do they even have a “best all round” category in high schools anymore? For my daughter’s sake, I hope so. She would be a contender, for sure.

A few nights ago, my passion around this argument turned to indifference. Grace came home from soccer practice (a new sport for her), grabbed a snack, and disappeared in her room. At dinner that night, she announced, rather casually, that she had just called her soccer coach. My husband and I looked confused and so she explained…

“Some of the girls were being disrespectful on the field today. I wanted to make sure that I was being respectful and I wanted to thank him for giving his time to the team.”

From across the table, I met her big brown eyes and said, “That… is your thing…being authentically, compassionately, and courageously YOU… and there is nothing you could do to make me any prouder.”

“I am the proud parent of an emotionally intelligent human being.” It’s time for a new bumper sticker.

11 steps to find...YOU!

Bounce — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 14:18:53 +0000

Here is a fun article I found on Google this morning for women looking for something very important - YOU! Check out "How to Find Yourself" and the 11 steps they offer to support you in your journey. Pick just one and start practicing!

Heck if what got me here, is going to get me there

Bounce — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 22:46:43 +0000

I'm smack dab in the middle of the training cycle for an ironman triathlon. As my daughter gave her interpretation to her friend when asking her friend to sleep over on Saturday night "my dad is this crazy athlete type of guy and he will be up at 5 am to go run 18 miles, so I hope that is OK with you." Well, as the title suggests, I am finding what got my body to where it is today, won't get it to the finish of the ironman - and I'd like to frame this up for you in your own learning journey, whatever that may be!

My Physical Therapist is the one that actually planted the thought. We were discussing the excruciatingly painful burning in my upper back from cycling. Ahhh, yes, that is a problem (and I'm noting the language that I chose to use here as "problem"), especially when wanting to train and compete in a triathlon. The burning completely takes my focus from being powerful on the bike, to praying that the issue stop....

I told him it was something I've had for a long time, and that there is a lot of history in that area of my back. "In the past 5 years, it's been really good. I've been focusing on good posture and sitting up while at the computer," I said.

He said "So you've been managing the situation up to now, but now you have to hunch over on a bike for 6 hours."

And it came to me right there. What got me here, won't get me there (it's a good book, one that I will read some day and for now I believe I get the gist from the title). It's that realization that freed me to embrace the process of growth.

My back is a classic example of the dynamic of "what got me here...won't get me there."

What got me here was - good posture, sitting up at the computer, taking walk breaks when I feel my back 'acting up'...etc.... That worked, seriously, it's been a non-issue for at least 4-5 years...up until now.

Won't get me there! My near term goal is to finish an ironman in June, long term is to be good at it. Posture, sitting up, breaks are not something that will work when competing on a bike for many hours. I need to do something different.

The process of "something different":

Noticing - I have a challenge/hurdle (back) and it is getting in my way
Awareness - that what I've been doing is no longer serving me
Learning - that help is available, feedback, asking, investigating
Growth - accepting help (physical therapy), attention to the challenge, practice

As I write that list, I am reminded of many clients, friends, peers (and me) that fall into the traps of that process. One of them is thinking that doing the same thing will get one different results. That trap is called "crazy" - ha ha.

I am sure that I would be absolutely crazy if I felt focusing on posture, sitting up, and taking walk breaks would get me to the goals that I have as an endurance triathlete. Yeah, crazy.

As goes the athletes, so goes the parents, friends, and coworkers. Where might you be crazy as an athlete, parent, employee....Leader? :) Don't be crazy, follow the process of "something different" and what got you here, got you here, what will get you there, will get you there....

Find your "what will get you there."

Rock out!

jay

Integrating two powerful models

Bounce — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 01:51:39 +0000

Last week found me in Charleston, South Carolina at the polarities practitioners conference where I had the opportunity to share how Polarities Management and David Emerald's The Empowerment Dynamic might fit together to be even more powerful than either approach alone.The two days of learning was amazing. Other practitioners shared how polarities are being applied in police departments, corporations, city governments, and even religion. The online polarities mapping process and assessment are being launched and the first book on Polarities Coaching (author: Kathy Anderson) has been published! Incredibly valuable!

Confessions of a Roadtrip - Leadership Lessons from Highway 1

Bounce — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 15:49:00 +0000

What do three best friends, Mother Nature, and 7 days driving down California's Pacific Coast Highway have to do with leadership, business, and life?

A lot. And here are the top 5 that made my list and I am applying to my leadership, my business, and my life:

1. BE CLEAR ON WHERE YOU ARE HEADED...and be willing to change the path to get there: We knew where we were starting (Fresno) and we knew we were headed (San Diego). We had GPS, a travelers guide, great music, and the ultimate freedom to learn and adapt as we went along. The route to our final destination included many welcomed surprises (The Spa and Traveler's Lodge at The Madonna Inn), a few unexpected results (a yoga class that was really a Bikram Yoga class for 90 minutes in 120 degree heat), and a couple of miss steps (hitting LA at 5:00 p.m.). And the point was it didn't matter because we knew where we were headed and that allowed us to be creative, take risks, and have fun along the way. Being clear on where we (our companies, our teams, our lives) are headed is not an easy thing to do. And letting go of the need to plan out every single step to get there is even harder. The cool thing is when we do the results are better, new ideas emerge, and people enjoy the ride.

2a. DREAM BIG..and be sure you are dreaming YOUR DREAM

2b. CHECK YOURSELF AT THE DOOR....and KNOW you are a special and small part of the world. Our first day was filled with adventure: We called Yosemite to get the current conditions and learned the roads were closed and we needed tires with chains for the car and snow shoes for our feet. We took our chances with the chains and headed to REI to get our snow shoes. Imagine the three of us strolling into REI to rent snow shoes with our Uggs on. Needless to say we rented snow shoes and bought hiking books:) The day was amazing and by about 5:00pm we were in the middle of pure beauty. A forest, as quiet as a church mouse, filled with Redwoods - the most amazing picture of power, beauty, and grace I have ever seen - all of which was blanketed in snow. In the presence of these gentle giants I started to wonder, "How often do I dream small or dream someone else's dream in pursuit of feeling big?". Rather deep question on the first day of vacation:) The Redwoods taught me that day that I am a special and small part of something really big. Remembering that...now that is what helps me feel big and gives me the freedom to dream my dream...and that dream my friends is HUGE.

3. STAY IN THE CONVERSATION - NO EXCEPTIONS....and be willing to be uncomfortable and vulnerable for the sake of the relationship: The three of us have been friends, sisters really, since the 6th grade. And we, like all people, want to accept each other for who we are, how we see the world, what we like and don't like. And four days into our trip, we realized that is easier said than done. The cool thing about us is that "opting out" is not an option...it is unacceptable really...and we do a pretty good job of holding each other accountable. And once we all got over ourselves and began listening to each other it was amazing how the tension disappeared, the ease returned, and we enjoyed the process and each other. And it made me think, how often in business partnerships, client relationships, families, marriages, we don't "stay in the conversation". Rather we give up and opt out when it gets hard, uncomfortable, or puts us at risk of being "wrong" and the other person being "right". Take it from us, no matter how much it stings, pinches, burns, or rubs, it is always worth it.

4a. FIND ONE THING (at least) TO BE GRATEFUL FOR (everyday)...and remember things change on a dime

4b. TRUST YOURSELF, THE PROCESS, THE PEOPLE...and KEEP trusting even when things fall apart: We spent our last two days in San Diego and arrived in Pacific Beach at 10 p.m. Thursday, March 10th. We met up with a friend who we hadn't seen in 20 years and hit the town. Needless to say we stayed up way past our bed time that evening. And as the night (or morning depending on how you look at it) was coming to a close we began to hear about the tragic tsunami that hit Japan. At 6:30 a.m. Friday, March 11th, our phones began to light up with text messages from our friends and family informing us of the tsunami watches up and down the West Coast. We turned on the news and looked out at the Pacific Ocean. We weren't sure what to do - get to higher ground, stay put? All ended up being ok and I realized that we really are no different from the citizens of Japan. Things change at the drop of dime and the only thing we can do is choose how to respond. It would be easy to give up and stop trusting in moments like these and it feels like these are the exact moments when only trust might be available.

5. TAKE RISKS, BE OUTRAGEOUS, HAVE FUN...and don't take it so seriously: This one speaks for itself. Check out the last 5 photos to see for yourself!

A Week of H O P E

Bounce — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 17:18:26 +0000

Mother Teresa once said," If you can't feed 100 people, then just feed 1." This has inspired a week of HOPE at Moody Middle School.
Help One Person Eat.

Our Moody Middle School 8th graders are in the process of creating and building Moody's first 8th grade Legacy Service Project, to be launched on April 25th. In the 6th grade, these amazing young people discovered the "I" of leadership; in 7th grade, they deepened their relationships with each other and explored the "We" of leadership; and now they are bringing their best selves to the "Community" of leadership. The cause that has challenged their collective values? Local Hunger.

A big piece of the Bounce service learning process involves the cultivation of empathy for service recipients, in this case, for those who experience hunger on a daily basis. With this goal in mind, we challenged our 8th grade leaders to SKIP LUNCH yesterday and come to Bounce hungry. In our session (that included lots of munchies), we engaged in perspective-taking activities that promoted appreciation for those we will be serving.

Students spoke openly about the passions, strengths, values, feelings, and attitudes they are bringing to this effort. They expressed their concerns about being in direct service to people whose journeys have been different than their own. They were candid and direct, holding each other accountable and setting expectations for the Week of HOPE. In short, they were leaders, showing up as their best selves for the sake of something bigger than themselves.

Yes They CAN (see canned food :)) make a difference! Go Moody!

There's an App for That!

Bounce — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 16:30:36 +0000

CBS Sunday Morning today did a fascinating segment on the different apps available for our mobile phones and other electronic devices. And, in the midst of the show, they mentioned a different kind of app---appreciation. It's an app that I've always thought more of us should download and use on a daily basis in our leadership and in our lives. Appreciation is a simple app, and a powerful one.

I often share with leadership teams the importance of gratitude and appreciation, and the power this app has to transform a moment, a person, and the culture of a workplace. Thanking another person for the difference they have made can be transformative. Not only does appreciation feel good; it also lets you know the impact you are having---it tells you what to do more of. Appreciation is a kind of "catch 'em being good" app that enables the expansion and sustainability of a behavior and a way of being that we want to see more of. What parent, boss, teacher, or friend couldn't use an app like that?

How powerful is this app? I can share one small example. This coming week I'll be doing a presentation at a practitioners' conference in Charleston, South Carolina. When I received the final program on Friday, I noticed an omission---my presentation and bio. Major Bummer! I reached out to the session organizer to point this out but the final program was already complete. You might wonder---what is there to appreciate about a mistake like that?

Here is what I noticed. The conference organizer has been tireless in her communication, detail focus, and energy for the past several weeks. She is doing a great job, and has been a tremendous support. Leaving my presentation out was an anomaly, not a measure of her heroic efforts to coordinate complex and myriad pieces of information. So I reached out, and I said thank you for her amazing efforts, and that I'd sent an addendum email to attendees with the information that was missing. And the conference organizer responded, thanking me for my forgiveness. Wow! What a powerful app that was. Now we are looking forward to meeting each other. There's no negative feeling between us. We each are appreciative of who the other one is, and of what they bring.That experience could have turned out very differently if it hadn't been for the powerful tool of appreciation.

I'm thinking we all have things like this in our lives every day--times that we can notice the gifts others bring into our lives and let them know. It doesn't have to be a big thing. It doesn't have to be something perfect. Just something that has made a difference to you. Couldn't we all us an app like that?

"Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary." ---Margaret Cousins

Picture: Sonnens by Joan Miro

Leaders Learning

Bounce — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 17:15:16 +0000

Last week, the Leaders as Learners went to another beautiful place to learn together. This time we were at Maymont, where the flowers are just beginning to bloom, the huge koi are in the Japanese Garden ponds, and our community of 12 took time out from busy schedules to grow ourselves. As always, it was a day of laughter and learning. We focused on continuing to develop deep listening skills, and also learning to make better, more complete requests. The beauty of our surroundings was an added bonus. Good stuff!

Charlie Sheen and Emotional Intelligence?

Bounce — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 17:22:37 +0000

I ran across an interesting blog post this morning that reminded me that the need for Emotional Intelligence (EI) is alive and well for public figures and celebrities. Bryce Christiansen posted a well written blog linking EI to Charlie Sheen's recent behavior. Christiansen did a beautiful job describing emotional intelligence, as well as linking it to Sheen’s statements and behavior. I am not sure I agree with the author that Sheen “passes” the Social Skills/Relationship Management aspect of EI, however. Yes, he definitely can connect with others and motivate them to do things. However, I believe that the central aspect of this competency is the ability to create and sustain relationships that are good for both parties. I’m not sure we can say that about Sheen’s social skills. Very interesting post if you have a few minutes to read it. We'd love to hear your thoughts.

The Value of Appreciation

Bounce — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 17:45:08 +0000

In Patrick Lencioni’s Three Signs of a Miserable Job, the aspects that Lencioni cites as making a person miserable on the job are anonymity, immeasurability, and irrelevance.

Recognizing an individual’s uniqueness and thanking people by acknowledging their specific impact on you and the organization, meets these critical needs for job satisfaction:

the person feels known
they know they are doing work that matters, and
their impact becomes measurable.

Take the time today to appreciate another person for what they bring to your life, and work. You'll make their day. And you may also make it more likely they stay on the job and bring their best every day.

How do you manage competing priorities?

Bounce — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 22:18:12 +0000

Are you stuck in the middle of competing demands? Polarities are two competing priorities or poles (for example, individual and team) that are both important; neither alone is sufficient. Managed poorly, polarities will be a source of constant conflict and a drain on time and energy.

Bounce partners Ann Deaton and Kelly Lewis had the opportunity to facilitate a Polarities Mapping session recently that enabled participants at the Corporate Education Center at VCU to see their challenges in a new light, and actually notice where they stood with respect to competing priorities. In the process, they learned to more effectively manage polarities for maximum effectiveness and long- term sustainability. As you can see from the picture above, we had a lot of fun "walking the polarities map."

Practice makes Perfect

Bounce — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 17:59:32 +0000

The amazing people at SnagAJob continue to inspire us!

We were back at SnagAJob last week practicing Emotional Intelligence and Coaching skills - the essential ingredients to creating a culture of collaboration, accountability, and passion - with the Leadership team and their Client Services department.

NOT GUILTY!

Bounce — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 16:21:39 +0000

Two years ago, I was in a car accident. And it was my fault. Hurting someone is my worst fear. And on the first day of spring 2009, that fear became a reality.

Guilt is a toxic fuel. And I allowed it to run me for most of my life. “I’m sorry” was my childhood mantra. In adolescence, I was compelled to confess to my parents every bad choice I made. In early adulthood, I took on the world’s pain and guilt as a social worker. How could I be living this charmed life in the midst of such despair? I would actually make up stories that would produce the guilt I felt I needed to operate. And the fact that I am of German descent, well, that guilt took on a life of its own.

At the scene of the accident, I was in shock. I totaled my car and another carrying a woman and her 3 children. People ran out of their homes to help. The police and the ambulances were there almost immediately. I can still hear the sound of the children crying and my heart breaking. “It’s all my fault. I did it.” I repeated like a mantra, the guilt of a thousand life times pouring from my lips.

I remember trying to get to the other driver—ready to fall on my knees at her feet—and being repeatedly restrained by well-meaning neighbors and police officers. “You can’t admit fault, Nicki. You have to protect yourself.” But the truth was, I wanted to be condemned right there. I was guilty.

Miraculously, no one was seriously injured. We were shaken and sore, but a hospital visit confirmed no physical injuries (other than my burned wrist from the airbag). While my body healed, my spirit was crushed. “It was an accident,” friends and family tried to reassure me—to no avail.

Against everyone’s advice, I wrote a letter to Wanda, “the victim.” Yes, I admitted my guilt. I offered my sincerest apologies for inflicting harm on her and her family. My sister, Holly, delivered it with a bouquet of flowers. And I waited by the phone for Holly to call with news of how “we” were received.

“Nicki,” my sister was crying, “she was so gracious, so forgiving.” And then the most beautiful statement Holly could have made, “She was YOU.” Wanda was an African American single mom, unemployed, and by Holly’s observations, struggling to make ends meet. But my sister saw beyond her outer layers to her core—“She was pure and beautiful—and human, just like you.”

I had gained redemption by the person I needed it from the most, but I still had to go to court. My friend Ed, a lawyer, was with me for support. “Let me do the talking,” he said, well aware of my compulsion to crucify myself. As we waited to be called, I noticed a familiar face a few rows in front of us. It was Wanda. Against Ed’s advice, I went to sit beside her.

We looked into each other’s misty brown eyes and it was as if we had known each other our whole lives. We both had a lot we wanted to say to each other, but were warned twice by the bailiff to be quiet. So we just held hands and waited to be called.

When it was our turn, Wanda and I approached the bench, arm in arm. Ed followed behind, shaking his head, in disbelief. “Judge, in all my years practicing law, I’ve never witnessed this before. I think I’ll let the victim speak first.”

Wanda told the judge that she was there to ensure that I “didn’t get in trouble.” She said she saw me look both ways, before crossing into her path—that it was truly an accident, the result of a blind spot, and she and her children were fine.

With that, the judge looked at Ed and smiled, “I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed this before either… case dismissed.”

Wanda and I hugged each other and then we hugged Ed. We would have hugged the judge and the bailiff, too, but we restrained ourselves. When I recount this event, the storyteller in me wants to add that the whole courtroom was cheering. In their hearts, I believe they were. After all, everyone in that courtroom was a witness to a bridge being built between races, between socio-economic demographics, between social expectations and the hope for a united humanity.

So, you might be saying to yourself… lovely story, Nicki, but what does this have to do with leadership? My response: EVERYTHING.

Wanda was and I’m sure still is a shining example of one who leads and lives from her character, her inner essence. Wanda could have easily fallen into the victim role, fulfilling society’s expectation to file a lawsuit. Instead, she consulted with her core and took steps to realize a bigger vision—forgiveness for the sake of forgiveness, unity across differences. Wanda remained true to herself and spoke her truth with authenticity, compassion, and courage. That’s leadership.

And in this process, I learned that guilt is a fuel I can do without. It still creeps up now and again, but Wanda’s forgiveness, that I continue to carry in my heart, gives me the strength I need to resist it. From the bottom of my heart, Wanda, thank you for showing me that love is all we need to build a better world. Lead on, sister! I’m right behind you.

Sparks!

Bounce — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 17:24:39 +0000

Our Leaders as Learners allowed some sparks to fly at Moody Middle School on Tuesday... and it was a beautiful sight!

Every 6th grader was asked to explore the question, "What lights you up?" In Bounce speak, one's spark is their ignited core, all of one's passions, strengths, and values, lit up and ready to be turned loose on the world. Peter Benson (www.ignitesparks.com) coined this term and has since become a Bounce hero. "How can we help a young person fall in love with life?" We ask them about their spark. We affirm it. We celebrate it. And most importantly, we help keep it lit.

Students were more than willing to take advantage of this rare opportunity to openly dialogue about their sparks. It was wonderful to witness their faces lighting up as they talked about what is good and beautiful about themselves. And the conversation deepened... "Wow, I didn't know that about you. I thought you just liked to read." "It's hard to keep my spark lit with all the other stuff I have to do." "We have to help each other keep our sparks lit."

In the end, students created clay representations of their sparks, now proudly displayed on table tops and window sills, serving as daily reminders of who they are at their core.

Our question to the leaders, "How will you use your experience in the classroom in your homes, your workplaces, your communities?" Response: Everyone deserves the chance to share their sparks... and it is our responsiblity as leaders to recognize the 12 year old that lives in all of us, needing to be heard, valued, and kept lit!

Leading from Love

Bounce — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 02:19:52 +0000

It all started 6 years ago with a small group of women in the North Side of Richmond. Our initial bond was our pre-school aged children. Our shared need was to be reminded of who we were—beyond our role of mom.

With babies on our hips and bags under our eyes, we came together to explore ourselves and our truths. We found a home with each other, a safe and supportive community in which we could share our hearts authentically, compassionately, and courageously. We laughed and cried and experienced some beautiful “Ah Ha” moments—together. We became a powerful force...

And we began to hear a call. All the good love we had cultivated in our little circle needed to be shared with our community, with the world. Our little group of “stay-at-home” mamas had discovered our collective core-- our shared values of community and family and our passion to do good. Now it was time to contribute our individual gifts to a cause bigger than ourselves.

The 1st annual North Side Mamas’ Kid Stuff Benefit Yard Sale was held 5 years ago. But our $900 profit (of which we were so proud) didn’t reflect the powerful story being written behind the scenes. A story about a group of hard working mamas using their lunch breaks to drive across town and cram their minivans full of donated kid stuff. A story about these same women gathering in the evenings to scrub old potties and to sort through bags of gently (and sometimes not so gently) used clothes and toys. A story about a sisterhood based on a desire to give back.

The title of our story—Leading from Love. Illustrated with human art, organically cultivated when we practice being who we are. When we assume the responsibility of being our best selves and empowering others to do the same. When we make a commitment to contribute our own gifts and to honor the contributions, whatever they are, of everyone in our community.

Every year our Kid Stuff Sale doubles its profits! This grass roots charity event, reminiscent of the old days (before golf tournaments, art auctions, and casino nights), has grown into a community-wide effort that makes me proud to call North Side my home. Our original workforce of 6 has tripled in size to include moms who work full time and moms at home with new babies. Due to our intensive marketing efforts, our friends and neighbors start cleaning out their kids’ closets and play rooms in January. And on the last Saturday of April, Richmond shops for amazing deals—to benefit amazing causes.

Over the past 5 years, we have supported our neighborhood pre-school, elementary, and middle schools, our local library, our church that graciously provides us space; ChildSavers, CJ Thumbs Up, Boaz and Ruth, Richmond Refugee Resettlement, and CHIP of Richmond. We invite child and family focused non-profit organizations to shop for free; and we donate whatever is left to other charitable organizations.

The North Side Mamas’ Kid Stuff Yard Sale is a beautiful reflection of the human capacity to love, the innate need to be in community, and the overwhelming desire to build a better world.

Join us… (couldn't resist a shameless plug here)

5th Annual Kid Stuff Sale

at St. Thomas’ Church
3602 Hawthorne Avenue

Richmond, VA 23222

Sip-n-Shop: Friday 4/29 5-8pm ($10 includes first-pick shopping & refreshments)

Sale: Saturday, April 30, 2011, 8am-1pm

We are looking for donations of the following gently-used items:

Baby and children’s clothes and shoes (newborn to 12+)

Maternity Clothes and pregnancy books

Cribs, pack-n-plays, toddler beds

Baby gear, strollers, carriers, high chairs, car seats, tubs, potties

Blankets, bedding, nursery décor

Toys, games, puzzles, dvd’s and videos, books

(no stuffed animals, please)

All proceeds will be donated to:
Holton Elementary, Ginter Park Elementary, Henderson Middle School

The Ginter Park Library

St. Thomas’ Church and Day School

CJ’s Thumbs Up Foundation (assists families of children with cancer)

CHIP (Children’s Health Involving Parents)

Volunteer Families (provides children with temporary family placement)

ASK (Making Life Better for Children with Cancer)

Code Lacrosse (providing free equipment and clinics to kids in Richmond)

Boaz & Ruth (rebuilds lives of formerly incarcerated men & women through a transitional jobs and training program.)

Contact us for pick-up:
jill.salp@capitalone.com

A cup of tea and a weekend of silence

Bounce — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 18:15:19 +0000

Last week I read a great HBR blog post by Peter Bregman called "The Value of Ritual in your Workday". Peter shared how moved he was by a scene in The Last Samurai (a scene he didn't remember seeing the first time he watched that movie). The scene was of a samurai drinking tea.

Peter went on to share how he realized that while the samurai's strength was demonstrated through his acrobatics and the beautifully choreographed fight scenes the source of the samurai's power was a tea ritual and many other rituals like it.

He talked about how "Rituals are about paying attention. They're about stopping for a moment and noticing what you're about to do, what you've just done, or both. They're about making the most of a particular moment. And that's something we could use a lot more of in the business world." Peter went on to say, "Each time we pause, notice, and offer respect for an activity, it reminds us to appreciate and focus on what we're about to do. And by elevating each activity, we'll take it more seriously. We'll get more pleasure from it. The people with whom we work will feel more respected. And we'll feel more self respect. Which means we'll work better with each other. And produce better results."

I completely agreed with all of what he was sharing. I remembered thinking to myself - "YES...rituals are important, they are the source of my power, I practice them regularly in my daily life, I use them with the leaders I support, we use them in our programs, etc. etc. etc."

Then this past weekend unfolded and I got a great reality check on the difference between my beliefs and my actions.

I spent the weekend with twelve strangers (all of which became dear friends and fellow travelers) at a place called Kayser Ridge attending a personal development retreat. The retreat began promptly at 2:30pm on Friday when I was requested to turn in my "electronic devices". I thought of every excuse in the book to hold onto my email, my phone, my work. And reluctantly, I managed to turn my blackberry and laptop over.

After spending 48 hours doing amazing and challenging "work" that included 15 hours of silence (meals, breaks, reflection, traveling in to town...all done in silence), I realized where all my reluctance was coming from. Over the last year my rituals have consisted of email, voicemail, phone calls, and text messaging. I began noticing:

How do I begin each day? Ummmm....Responding to email
How do I begin every meeting I lead? Pretty good...Checking in with each person to acknowledge who and what they are bringing to the conversation
How do I begin every meal I eat? Well....Eating it while doing emails or 3 other things at the same time

By the end of the weekend, the delicious food I was eating tasted different. I trusted there was enough time to pause, notice and appreciate what I was about to do before doing it. I was committed to each activity and enjoyed even the really challenging experiences. I did work better with those around me and I did produce better results for myself.

So I began Monday (and everyday thereafter) with a few of my own rituals to help me get connected to me and the source of my strength. It has been three days and I am happy to report that getting up 10 minutes earlier to start my day with: a question ("What do I want today?) before my feet hit the ground, 5 minutes of silence to just listen, and 1-2 minutes playing with our pups has been a much more powerful way to start my day.

While the old email scenes that used to take up the first 30 minutes of my day were well choreographed and beautifully executed they were definitely a demonstration of my strength rather than its source.

I encourage you to take a look at the rituals in your work, leadership, and life - How do you begin every day of your life? How do you begin every meeting you lead? How do you begin every meal you eat? Pay attention to wether you are focused on the source of your strength or a demonstration of it. It may surprise you like it did me!

Talk about You

Bounce — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 01:05:58 +0000

So I feel like I'm on a roll with new noticing and new moves with my kids. I thought why the heck not write another blog about my continued journey as a leader of my house, aka Dad!

For some time now, I have been scratching my head on how to break through the tension existing between my two children. Alex, the older sibling, tends to take on the role of "bossy big sister" and Micalister, 5 years younger, lives into the role of "rebellious little brother."

Sometimes its funny, sometimes not so much. Like the other day. I get a call from Micalister screaming into the phone about Alex this and Alex that. Then Alex takes over the phone painting the picture of Micalister this and Micalister that. Alex this, Mic that, Alex that, Mic this....blah!

When I got home, it wasn't much better. And what happened this time, every time, is that they both start in on how the other did this, and the other did that. Soon it's an argument about arguing.

Well anyway, here is where the shift comes...

When I started really listening deeply and focusing on the dynamic, I noticed that the only move each makes is to position the "other" as the culprit. And in doing so, allows only one move from the "other" which is a furious defense of oneself and counter attack on "other." No longer is the root of the conversation about the original situation. Brilliant! (ok, so maybe not so brilliant, though what I try next might be classified at least as "cool")

I look at Alex and look at Mic and I say "from now on, you may only talk about yourself! Alex, when you speak you may only talk about yourself, your experience, and focus on what you wanted. Mic, only speak about yourself, and focus on what you wanted. Neither of you may reference the other!"

My kids looked at me like I had 3 heads. Firmly looking back at them, I affirmed the decision.

What emerged was beautiful! Turns out, when Alex talks about herself and what she wanted, she could see that she desires to be listened to. Now that is interesting in itself, and is at least a clear topic that she and I can discuss openly - whether or not "wanting to be listened to" is something that is important to her. Or maybe it's not...

Mic, well, he's 7. When we tried this on, he said "uhm, I just wanted the Mountain Dew....Alex, your turn" ha ha. Cracked me up! Cut to the chase didn't it? So refreshing that all the other noise was no longer there....

The conversation was calm, clear, without defensive shields and offensive daggers, right down to what truly was happening within each child at the moment where they were at odds.

Talk about yourself, and focus on what you wanted at the time. Sounds so dang easy, though I bet it's so hard.

Alex, Mic and I are going to have some fun with this....I will update as we grow into this.

Try it on in your house and comment below on what you experience!!!!

Teachers as Learners - the journey continues

Bounce — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 13:10:01 +0000

Empowerment could be felt throughout Walkerton Tavern on Friday as our fearless leaders from Moody Middle School - eleven teachers and their administration gathered for another day of Teachers as Learners.

The program works with teachers to strengthen their capacity to lead from within and better model their individual identity and integrity. It also provides teachers the opportunity to practice leading from within while enabling students to develop their own inner resources as learners and leaders.

The group explored the concepts of dormancy and choice. And our Courage to Teach and Bounce facilitators helped teachers imagine their school and life without the "Drama Triangle" and offered a new way of thinking and taking action - The Power of TED* .

SnagAJob leaders experience choice...and fingerpainting

Bounce — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 12:56:10 +0000

SnagAJob's leadership team took another step into the unknown on Thursday further exploring EQ and Choice and their impact on relationships and results.

This talented and courageous team rolled up their sleeves and got their hands dirty as they used finger paints to experiment with the difference between focusing on problems or focusing on outcomes.

Their masterpieces spoke for themselves and taught them how simple (yet not necessarily easy) it is to focus on what they want as opposed to what they don't.

Be Courageous

Bounce — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 16:52:30 +0000

Courage is one of those under-emphasized aspects of leadership that I believe is critical to a leader's success. What do you know about courage? What do you believe? What do you still need to learn?

One of the books about courage that I have really appreciated is Bill Treasurer's Courage Goes to Work, which shares ideas about three types of courage--Tell, Trust, and Try courage--all of which are essential to a leader's success. Read Treasurer's book to discover where you are naturally courageous, and where you might want to build your courage. Chances are that you are not equally courageous in each of these areas.

Another resource I ran across just this morning is a book called Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously. Though I'm not yet far into the book, I was stopped in my tracks by one notion: Osho’s assertion that since all of life is uncertain,courage might be defined as “the very readiness to remain in uncertainty.” (p. xii). As I reflect on this, I realize how much courage it takes to be in that place of not knowing, and how powerful we become as leaders when we do not rush to be certain, nor react impulsively when what we "know for sure" is no longer true.

My challenge to you:

How will you exercise today?

Will you trust someone with a task they might not do your way?
Will you choose to dwell in uncertainty as you experience the gifts it might offer for learning?
Will you try something you've never done before?

Be courageous!

The Lenses I Have

Bounce — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 14:15:22 +0000

During the Leaders as Learners community experience, I blurted something that unexpectedly and profoundly created amazing awareness to a dynamic causing me major amounts of frustration. What I said was...

"I listen to my daughter with a lens of 'NO'."

Ouch.

And there it was. Out in the open, for everyone to hear, for me to live into. The feelings present with me in that moment were gratitude for the power of insight, sadness for the price that comes with having this lens, and determination to shift it.

Let me explain how powerful this lens has been and its impact to the relationship between Alex and me. For the past, however long it's been, I have noticed a sense of annoyance that I get when my daughter is asking to do something "hey dad, can I (fill in the blank)." (go get icecream with a friend, have a friend over for the weekend, etc...) And that (fill in the blank) requires some time investment on my behalf.

So that seems fair enough on the surface. What lies beneath the surface is my thinking. "Wow, I am so busy, have a million things to do, can't she just curl up on the couch with me tonight and have some family time. I don't really want to run all over town driving her here and there. It will be 9 pm before I even get to sit down and relax." signed, Annoyance. Immediately followed up with "Ahh, Alex, really? Let's just relax tonight" (NO).

Sadness is the feeling I have when reflecting on this. I have noticed my daughter's hesitancy to ask these days, have noticed her disapointment, have felt the tension. If there is one thing on this planet that I want, it's to be an amazing Dad to both Mic and Alex. And I have been struggling with "Mr. Annoyance" and how it has been holding me back from what I really want - love between Alex, Mic and me.

Gratitude is what is present when I think about this insight. I am now aware of what it is that brings out my friend Annoyance. I can see it, feel it. When I listen to my daugher with a lens of "no" I am almost certainly to be annoyed, and that leads to a diminished relationship between my kids and me.

Determination. The next day of Leaders as Learners, I voiced a declaration to the community of leaders as "I am going to listen to my kids with a lens of adventure and friendship and a mood of wonder." I chose that lens based on Alex's word of the year, adventure, and Micalister's word of the year, friendship. I also wanted to make it clear to Mr. Annoyance that he was no longer welcome in this conversation, and that instead, Mr Wonder was invited.

I texted Alex with "I made a new commitment today" and her reply was "oh cool dad, what is it." On the way home in the car, I called her and explained to her my new commitment. She was soooooo excited! I asked her to help me by pointing out when she senses Mr Annoyance.

I love this dynamic between us, our ability to talk about what it is that we are working through.

Hello Mr. Wonder, meet Alex and Micalister.

A Work of Human Art

Bounce — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 22:08:34 +0000

Ask any child if they are an artist and they will respond with an emphatic “YES!” (and possibly a “Duh!”) Ask most adults if they are artists and they will shake their heads just as emphatically. Why is this? Why do we stop considering ourselves artists when we reach adulthood?

I was pondering this question at the Virginia Museum yesterday. My kids and I were strolling through the exhibits, marveling at the quiet beauty surrounding us. My little artists would stop every few minutes to sketch a sculpture or make note of a painting that inspired them. “I could do that,” one said. “No,” I contested, “you would do it your way, no more or less lovely, just your own way.” We are all artists, with our own unique interpretation of the world.

I’m not drawn to paint or clay. I interpret the world through human art. I am inspired by community and by the growth and beauty that results from human interaction. I love this idea of leadership as a human art. Like painting or sculpting, it is a practice, a way of navigating one’s life that inspires others to create their own masterpieces.

On the way to the museum yesterday, we stopped at Hardee’s for a cheeseburger, fries, and a cup of coffee. Not for us, but for the homeless person at the corner next to the bus station. I see her almost everyday, bundled up, her cart overflowing with bags, her kitty cat loyally by her side. And everyday, I ponder, “What is her story?” before rushing off into the business of my life.

But today, I decided to stop—and create some human art. Armed with three beautiful children and a bag of greasy fast food, I made a new friend. Victoria is her name. And yes, she has a story, but it is not mine to tell.

What is mine to share is a magical moment that transpired between strangers. A weathered hand reaching out to touch the rosy cheek of a child. Eyes, mine and hers, bright with gratitude. A tender understanding of the joy and pain of the human experience. A work of art—on a gray, Monday afternoon…on my way to the museum.

Amazing Leaders

Bounce — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 00:17:27 +0000

We had an amazing two days of Leaders as Learners this week with a dozen community leaders at Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens. We talked about everything from their impactful classroom sessions with 6th graders at Moody Middle School to their own discoveries about themselves as people and how they are growing their leadership skills. They practiced self awareness, coaching skills, and even walking a polarities map. Truly amazing to watch these leaders growing and changing before our very eyes. It's hard to believe we have only three more months together and are already beginning to hear from leaders who want to join next year's class.

Build on Strengths

Bounce — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 00:42:17 +0000

We tend to be more focused on resolving problems than celebrating accomplishments. Yet, it is far more powerful to notice what is going well and build on it than it is to focus on what's wrong, missing, or not good enough.

Notice today what you are already doing that is a step towards your ultimate vision for yourself. Appreciate this as a step along the way and you'll likely find that tomorrow you do it even better. Before long, it will be second nature---all because you noticed what you were doing that approximated what you envisioned.

Bringing out the Best in Each Other

Bounce — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 19:37:40 +0000

For quite some time now I've been noticing how often it is that we are at our absolute worst when we feel insecure. I notice this in myself, and I notice it all around me. Our insecurity can incapacitate us. And in a conversation a few weeks ago I recognized that we already have the solution to this challenge. The solution is us. Specifically, the solution is love.

When we love another unconditionally, we make it possible for that person to relax in their being and bring their best selves to any situation. It doesn't matter whether the relationship is that of athlete and coach, boss and direct report, child and parent, teacher and student, business partners, or the best of friends. Loving another unconditionally enables that other person to feel known and treasured. They see the gift in who they are, and can take a deep breath and relax into being their very best. Feeling secure and loved enables us to save all our energy for what we want rather than using it up defending against a possible threat to our vulnerable selves.

AND loving another unconditionally makes it possible to challenge that other person to grow, to be more and better. Knowing we are on solid ground already in the eyes of another creates the sense of security that empowers us to take the risk of reaching to be more than we currently are.

One of the first times I remember noticiing this phenomenon is when my son, now 19, was in the 2nd grade. I went to his school on my lunch hour one day to be the "mystery reader" for the class. As I peeked through the window on the classroom door, I could see the 20-some children sitting in a circle as their teacher spoke with them. My son, and several other children, were squirmy. My son had a hard time sitting still and being quiet while others talked. Watching him made me wonder if there was a problem with his behavior in the classroom. I took his teacher aside afterwards to ask her if there was something we needed to address. I'll never forget her warmth and genuine love for my son and for all the children as she said "Yes, he's squirmy. He's just learning to settle himself down for long periods and to be quiet when it's important to be quiet. He's also bright and he's learning. He loves all the other children and he loves school. Every day he works on getting a little bit better in our circle time. He is enjoying that challenge, and every day he's a little bit better. There's no problem, no need to worry."

Wow! i thought as I walked away. She loves him. She accepts him just the way he is, AND she is challenging him to grow. Her love makes him feel secure and in the light of that security he is eagerly taking on her challenge. Wow!

This miracle happens just as readily in our businesses.

Matt makes a mistake on a project. He is nervous about telling his project manager, afraid he'll be in trouble. Matt spends precious hours trying to figure out what to do, how to make it better, even talking to his wife to figure out how he can handle it. He finally tells his boss his error, Matt is surprised that, instead of chastising him, his boss compliments his honesty and hard work. She spends time with him to show him how to correct his mistakes, and lets Matt know she appreciates his commitment. That's love. And, no surprise, Matt rises to the challenge and the next day he comes in a little earlier in the morning and his work is a little bit better.
Betsy, a mid-level manager, is struggling to balance her new responsibilities and concerned her boss will feel he's made a mistake to promote her. As she is eating lunch at her desk trying to sort out what she should prioritize, her boss stops by and sits across from her for a few minutes. He tells her the story of his first promotion, how scared he was, and how overwhelmed. Then he hands Betsy a plaque with a quote on it: "In order that people may be happy in their work, these three things are needed: They must be fit for it. They must not do too much of it. And they must have a sense of success in it." --John Ruskin Her boss says to Betsy "I already know you are a good fit for this work or I wouldn't have chosen you. If there is more than you can do right now I'll get you help so you can get it done as you are learning. And, by the way, here are two successes I've seen you have this week." That's love. And it's such a strong platform that it makes almost anything possible for Betsy.

Where in your life and work are you finding yourself critical of another?

What might happen if you chose instead to love them unconditionally, while simultaneously asking them to step into being their best?

What does love make possible?

Good Schools Require the Support of Their Communities

Bounce — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 21:29:17 +0000

I just discovered in the Philanthropy News Digest a wonderful report from the Annenberg Institute for School Reform that suggests that schools cannot make powerful changes all by themselves. Instead, the report suggests, it takes a village to create sustainable change in our schools.

The Annenberg Institute for School Reform (AISR) "promotes quality education for all children by building capacity for systemic education reform" working with communities and school leadership "to explore and refine the concept of “smart education systems” – networks of schools, community organizations, and services that promote high-quality student learning and development inside and outside of schools" (http://www.annenberginstitute.org/Vision/index.php).

Their recent report describes the power of a community actively engaged in and advocating for our schools to improve. Organizations supporting education reform include advocacy organizations, leadership development initiatives like Bounce, and parent associations. The combination of such organizations with the schools enables the creation of innovative solutions as well as providing the necessary resources and visibility. According to the report, "organizing groups have found that building school capacity and improving student outcomes requires intensive, sustained engagement with teachers, principals, and parents." A village indeed.

This report and several others can be found at the Annenberg Institute's web site at www.annenberginstitute.org.

In the Depth of Winter....

Bounce — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 20:38:25 +0000

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”-- Albert Camus

Oprah (.com) sent me this message earlier this week. Thank you, Oprah (and Albert). I really needed this one.

I consider it my mission in life to spread light, to initiate the ripple effect of gratitude, to be happy. And 75% of the time, ¾ of the year, I walk this walk with authenticity and integrity. Yes, this is who I am. The other ¼ of the year (read January, February, and March), well, sometimes I find myself faking it. And for someone who values transparency, this is a hard truth to own.

Winter wreaks havoc on my spirit. I’m a light worker. I need light to do my work. The sun feeds me and when she fails to make her bold appearance in my sky, I find myself wilting. And wilting is not an option. Or is it?

To answer this, I revisit my word/image for the year. The blue lotus. For me this magnificent flower symbolizes confidence, emergence, wholeness, vulnerability, and stillness. With the blue lotus in mind, in heart, and posted all over my home and car, I am determined to embrace these short, cold days of winter with open arms.

Yes, my soul needs this season of darkness as much as it needs the seasons of light. In order to emerge in confidence, I first need to hibernate in stillness. I need to be vulnerable, to sit in the shadows of my spirit, and accept the doubt, fear, and sadness that might join me. By allowing myself to embrace winter, I become whole.

OK. I get that. Very poetic and meaningful…AND I still can’t deny that every cell in my body is screaming for light. That’s where the faking it comes in handy. I pulled out an old tool to pass on to my 4th and 5th grade Leading Ladies yesterday. A tool that we often forget about and one that we have access to at all times—smiling.

Don’t roll your eyes. There is scientific proof that when we smile (even when we don’t feel like it), the muscle movement in our face tells our brain that we are happy and then the brain tells the heart that we are happy and then before we know it, we actually FEEL happy. It’s true. And what happens when you smile at someone? They smile back! And before you know it, the ripple effect sets in and the whole world is smiling and feeling happy—even on the darkest days of winter!!

Like Oprah, the universe (tut.com) also sends me daily messages. (I know, my soul needs a lot of nourishment). Today, the universe reminded me of a very important principle—our feelings (even when they are ignited by a fake smile) create our situations.

Yeah, Nicki, I know it seems that your emotions arise from circumstances, even though it works the other way around. And this is kind of scary because sometimes they literally seem to overrun you.

But I also know that most of the time they don't, which is all the leverage you need.

Just feel good when you can; it'll always be enough.

Can you feel me, now?
The Universe

Thank you, Universe, for reminding me that I’m enough--in the light and in the dark; in happiness and in sadness. In this season of darkness, I will choose to smile sometimes and sometimes not. Indeed, an invincible summer lies within me AND so does the still and profound beauty of winter.

Cobbling a Life Together

Bounce — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 20:07:30 +0000

A recent lunch with some coach colleagues before the holidays found us talking about whether we are each leading the life we want to live. As one friend put it, "I'm cobbling my work, and my life, together". Another friend responded to him, "Isn't that all any of us are doing? I think we are all just trying to do the best we can." Soon after the food arrived and our talk went on to other things.

I've kept thinking about this conversation since then. "Cobbling" is not such a bad thing. According to Thesaurus.com, the opposites of cobbling are "destroy" or "ruin." So we can view "cobbling" as something creative, but is it enough? It's left me wondering whether each of us is doing the things we are meant to do in our lives and in our work. Are we mindfully choosing to do the most important things, or simply responding to the opportunities and demands of the moment?

I know that for me it has become increasingly important to make powerful choices in the work I choose to do. This has meant I've had to learn to say what Bill Ury calls "a positive no" instead of saying "yes" automatically to any work that comes my way. And this practice has led to some remarkable things:

When I do say Yes, it is a resounding "Yes!" I am "all in" and my work, and enthusiasm for the work shows it.
Some of my "No"'s have become "Yesses" for others. One of the powerful aspects of Bill Ury's Positive No model is that we say No to what does not fit our core values, while still saying Yes to our relationship with the other. For me, that typically means that when I say "No", I also offer another alternative person who might be able to say "Yes" more powerfully than I can. This leads to new partnerships and the right person doing the work they are uniquely suited for.
I don't just wait for what I want to come my way. Saying "Yes" also demands that I get clear about what I want, and go after it. I make requests. I make offers. Instead of keeping something to myself, I get comfortable sharing with others the tools and approaches that I believe to be incredibly effective and valuable.
My work feels integrated and whole. Though I work with many different companies, individuals, and partners, saying "yes" mindfully has meant that my work feels like one vibrant body of work instead of many small pieces. It feels like I'm creating a rip-roaring bonfire instead of many small campfires. That's energizing!

My colleagues from lunch are right, of course. We all do the best we can with what life brings us. We "cobble together" the pieces as well as we can to create a life and work that matters. Being able to say a powerful "NO!" ensures that what you do cobble together is something valuable. As a leader, being able to say "No" means that you'll be saying "Yes" to what matters most to you--your vision for what's possible and what's compelling.

Questions to ask yourself:

What do you notice that you want to say "No" to today?
How would that enable you to honor the deeper "Yes" that is part of your core?
How will this enhance the life and work you are "cobbling" together?

A leadership community of Snaggers

Bounce — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 00:13:37 +0000

What facilitates and gets in the way of our learning as leaders?

We had a blast examinging this question and many others with SnagAJob's leadership community yesterday!

We can't wait to hear all that you guys are noticing about your leadership personas and characters in February!

Grace...and Patience

Bounce — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 23:09:27 +0000

Eleven-year-old Grace declares her word for the year.

Patience.

That is my word for the year. I need to practice patience with my brother and sister. Last year, I felt like I was always bossing my siblings around. I didn’t mean to be rude. I was just trying to help. But I have learned that I am not the mom and I cannot control what my little brother and sister do. (Neither can my mom).

This year, I hope to leave all of that behind. Well, maybe I can still be a little bossy. After all, I am the big sister. Telling my brother and sister what I think they should do (for their own good) is a lot different from telling them what they HAVE to do.

For me, being a leader is about being proud and sharing who I am with the world. It’s also about listening to people, like my brother and sister. Leaders aren’t bossy. Leaders make room for everyone, even if they get on your nerves like my brother and sister do. In 2011, I am going to be the best leader and the best me that I can be!

Women Making an Impact

Bounce — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 15:48:27 +0000

Ann Deaton and Kelly Lewis join 100 other women leaders in the Richmond community to make an Impact!

Yesterday marked the symbolic ground breaking for Impact 100's first project, Southside Child Development Center in the city of Richmond. Check out today's Richmond Times Dispatch article for the exciting scoop and find how to get involved!

Taking Responsibility for Our Tone of Voice

Bounce — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 22:01:51 +0000

I was going to write a different blog today as we enter the new year and share our new intentions. But I'm too sad to pen the blog I was thinking about writing. Many of us were saddened yesterday to learn of Congresswomen Gabby Giffords being shot in Arizona as she met with her constituents. I was not the only one who wondered whether the tone of our political rhetoric in America was partly responsible. Did the negativity about government and criticism of political leaders that is so common in our homes and in the media poison the young man (22 years old) who did the actual shooting? Was it unclear to him that our disagreement was about issues, and not hatred of one another? Will this event enable us to take a deep look at how we disagree with one another, and learn to do it better?

I hope so, because while doctors believe that Congresswoman Giffords will probably survive the shooting, six others will not:

-a 9 year old attending the event in order to prepare herself for her new role in student government at her elementary school

-three men and women in their 70s, perhaps attending the event to share their voices with those who represent us

-a 30 year old legislative aide soon to be married

-a federal judge who has committed his career to being of service

The loss of these six people needs to count for something. Is it a powerful enough wake-up call to enable us to improve the tone of our political process and the way we speak to and about our elected and appointed officials? Will each of us take responsibility for our tone of voice when we disagree with others so that we can differ and still have the chance to collaborate in building a better world?

Our work in Bounce is about bringing out the leader in each child, woman, and man---bringing out the best of who they are. Giffords' shooting is not a time to find out who is to blame; it is a time to envision the emotional tone we want to have in our relationships with each other and to take steps to create that positive tone. Will you make that commitment along with me? We need the gifts each of us bring to our world.

Blue Lotus

Bounce — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 15:19:12 +0000

Everyday I head off to the University of Life, eager to learn and grow in the human art of leadership. I am the leader and the student of my own life. My home, my workplace, my community, and the world are my classrooms. The subject is ME and how I can help build a better world. The course objectives include loving myself, others, and the world authentically, compassionately, and courageously. Yes, I am a leadership expert and a messy work in progress. I am all of it.

At the beginning of each year, my beautiful friend and teacher, Ann, chooses a word that encapsulates her leadership intention for the year. The rest of the Bounce Collective has adopted this practice and we’ve been pondering our 2011 words for some time now. The words that have been playing over and over in my mind are the following: emergence, confidence wholeness, vulnerability, and stillness. As I sit looking at these words on my legal pad, an image comes to mind and my word for the year is born.

Lotus. The lotus flower emerges from the depth of a murky body of water, travelling toward the light to fully blossom and float in sacred stillness on the water’s surface. This brilliant jewel of a flower is associated with eastern spiritual paths and symbolizes the vulnerability of the human spirit and its capactiy to grow out of challenge and adversity. Just as the flower opens with confidence to the beauty of its true nature, I,too, long to reveal and embrace my imperfect and beautiful wholeness.

In Buddhist tradition, the color of the lotus flower carries symbolic significance. As I study the different flowers, I am immediately drawn to the red lotus, the flower of the heart—symbolizing love and compassion. Yes, that’s me. I am a master of the heart. Then, I read about the blue lotus, the flower of victory, symbolizing knowledge and wisdom. No, that’s not me. I am no master of the intellect. And then, like a lotus emerging from the depths of obscurity, in my mind’s eye, I emerge as the wise and knowing leader of my life. Yes. This year, I am the blue lotus.

My declaration for 2011: To embrace the blue lotus as I explore the powerful truths it evokes—emergence, confidence, wholeness, vulnerability, and stillness. I vow to notice and assimilate one new piece of leadership wisdom each day. My wisdom may come from observations I make of inspiring leadership in action (my own or that of others) or it may be born out my shortcomings as a leader and the learning that transpires.

As I embark on this new course at the University of Life, I realize that it’s not just about me. It’s about us. To build a better world, we must exist in community. We must support, challenge, and be accountable to each other. We must lead and learn together.

This year, in the pursuit of US, the Bounce Collective will offer an on line journal of our learning. We hope you will join us in this community forum as we and other leaders in our community share our ever evolving wisdom in all the leadership roles we play. Stay tuned for more details….

And to all my fellow classmates, Happy New Year!

Live interview with Mic as Dad types the blog

Bounce — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 14:13:19 +0000

Dad - Hey Mic, Alex and I are choosing a word for 2011 this year that we most connect with. I was wondering if there is one word that you connect with for 2011.

Mic - I don't understand, Dad.

Dad - Well, when you think about the upcoming year, what words do you think about. As an example, Alex chose "Adventure" for her word for 2011.

Mic - What is your word, Dad?

Dad - I'm having trouble finding that word right now, though one word I am thinking about is "intensity" though that feels a little jagged. So when you think about 2011, what do you think about.

Mic - I like our family, and having fun. Playing with friends.

Dad - What I hear in there are words like; community, family, friendship, fun. How do those words sound?

Mic - Great!

Dad - Which word sounds the best?

Mic - I like "Friendship"

Dad - Friendship? OK cool. When you say the word "friendship" how does that feel?

Mic - Good.

Dad - How does good feel?

Mic - Soft.

Dad - OK, so friendship feels soft to you. When you think about friendship, baby, what do you imagine?

Mic - Me playing with my friends.

Dad - Yeah, what else?

Mic - And having fun with my friends.

Dad - And having fun? What does having fun with your friends look like?

Mic - Flying the monkeys at my friends, and having them over to play zombies. Having a snowball fight. And that's all.

Dad - What do you like most about hanging out with your friends?

Mic - Uhm, the snowball fight.

Dad - What feelings do you have when you hang out with them?

Mic - Feelings.....aaaahmm......aaaaahhhhhh.....happy feelings.

Dad - Yeah, like what?

Mic - What do you mean "like what" Dad

Dad - Uhm, uhm, Like what are those happy feelings? Can you describe them?

Mic - I don't know.

Dad - Cool, bud. So for 2011 your word is going to be.....

Mic - Fun!

Dad - ha ha.....

Mic - Friendship!

Mic - Dad, erase that (pointing to Fun!). Dad........

Mic and Dad laughing as the official interview ends....

Micalister Markiewicz

7 year old Leader living into the 2011 intention of Friendship (and fun)!

The Power of Rituals

Bounce — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 21:22:05 +0000

Ahhh, the end of 2010 is upon us and I’m feeling a bit nostalgic for a year that has been rich in life lessons. These days after Christmas and before Baby New Year arrives are precious, offering us time to reflect on our journeys. For me, there is always a tension between my gratitude for what is and my dreams for what could be. Throughout December, I practice different rituals that smooth my transition into a new year.

Before I can look ahead to a new year, I always pay homage to the old. In early December, I begin my rituals of releasing the old year with a family blessings chain. Around a fire, we all recognize our individual grace making truths and record them on strips of red and green paper. We hang our long chain around our kitchen window, a constant reminder to feel and express our gratitude fully and openly throughout the holiday season. On Christmas night, we release our blessings into the fire, sending them into the ethers with open and grateful hearts.

Winter solstice offers another opportunity for releasing the old year. This solstice, our Bounce collective shared a full moon journey through a labyrinth and a fire ceremony in which we freed ourselves of any regrets, resentments, or pain of the current year. And then, we declared how we will magnify our light in the coming year. It was a magical night!

And here we are at the doorstep of New Year’s Eve. My morning will begin with a world healing meditation. December 31st marks the 25th anniversary of World Healing Day, founded by John Randolph Price, renowned new thought author and philosopher. At 7 am, people all over the world will be celebrating all paths that lead to peace and honoring the peace that lives within each of us. This is a time to cultivate our unity as fellow travelers on this magnificent planet called Earth, to be the Light that we already are. What a wonderful ritual to incorporate into any New Year’s Eve tradition.

Typically, I spend New Year’s Eve by myself, in my journal or creating a dream board, my vision (illustrated through words and images) for the new year. This year, however, I will be with friends, leading yet another fire ceremony, easing my passage into 2011. The fire ceremony begins with a symbolic release of the past and ends with an affirmation for the future. I am very intentional with my language around new years’ affirmations. For me, the word resolution brings connotations of something outside of ourselves, a judgment of what we should be. Conversely, an affirmation is a declaration that what we desire already lives in us, just waiting to be awakened and accepted as our truth.

As 2011 knocks on your door, I hope you will be inspired to adopt one of these rituals or to create a ritual of your own. Rituals offer us deeper ways to experience life by connecting us to ourselves and each other. It should come as no surprise that my blessings chain included you, my Bounce community. Thank you for a rich and beautiful 2010… and I look forward to sharing with you an even richer and more beautiful 2011.

The beauty of staying in the question

Bounce — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 12:55:36 +0000

On November 19, 2010, while writing my last blog post, Living the Upside of Life, I made a declaration (leadership speak for making a commitment) - I will stay in the question, "How do I live into the upside of my life?".

Have you ever heard the saying, "when the student is ready the teacher will appear"? Well, appear she did. On November 23rd, 2010, my teacher appeared in my inbox in the form of a TED Talk. I listened to Brene Brown, a researcher and story teller from the University of Texas, talk about how her research on courage, connection, compassion, authenticity, and vulnerability, changed her perception and ultimately how she lived, loved, worked, and parented. In 20 minutes Brene Brown put one word to something I had been feeling (and tried very hard not to feel) without a word to describe it since July 7, 2008 - vulnerability.

I know that this uncomfortable feeling all started in 2008 because I had my first ever flash back this week while looking for this photo of Jack and Charlie. And it went something like this.

December 22nd, 2010 - there I was sitting on the floor in our home searching recent photos on my Mac. Woooooossshhh...July 7, 2008 - there I was sitting at my desk at Capital One reading emails on my PC only 8 days before I officially retired from my 20 year corporate career:) An email from Glenn popped into my inbox. Included in it was a similar photo (see the slideshow) to the one of Jack and Charlie but it was of Rudy, our then 15 year old pup (God rest his soul:)), that said, "Rudy says don't be afraid to stick your nose out there". "Stick my nose out there???...Don't be afraid...Afraid of what???", I thought to myself. "Afraid of not getting a paycheck? Afraid of failing? Afraid of not getting to work with a fabulous group of people?" I knew at that moment, I was afraid but had no clue what I was actually afraid of.

Until...woooossssshhhhhh...back to December 22, 2010. I was afraid of being vulnerable. I was afraid because in order to put everything I believed in, I had learned, practiced, and mastered, and I used to improve the way I led and lived out there for other organizational leaders, educators, parents, women, young people, I had to be open...be willing to be fully seen...be exposed to being hurt (Aaaahhhhh...Kelly, I think you just wrote the definition for vulnerable:)).

Having a word to put to this feeling doesn't make the feeling less comfortable but it does allow me to fully embrace it - I now have vulnerability...it no longer has me. And it has allowed me to realize that what Brene Brown said in her eloquent, powerful, and funny TED talk is true - when I fully embrace vulnerability I see that what makes me vulnerable also makes me ME. Now that is what I call living the upside of my life!

So what did I learn by staying in the question? Two things really:

The question itself taught me another way I live into the upside of my life - having the courage to be imperfect and the willingness to fully embrace vulnerability
The process of staying in the question is not an easy task for me. My default tendency (the one that protects me from feeling vulnerable and tries to make the unknown known) is to find the answer, wrap it up in a big box, and tie a neat red bow around the whole package. And despite my default tendencies...I am doing it....I am unlearning old patterns and practicing new ones - ones that serve me and the people I serve better.

And I think the coolest thing of all that came from this exercise was a deep gratitude for our friends, clients, and partners - a community of leaders that make it really easy for me to put myself out there - to lead them and learn from them each and every day!

Conversations about Our Schools

Bounce — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 15:22:05 +0000

Passions run high when we talk about schools and what they do and don't offer to our young people. I ran across one especially passionate conversation last week in the Nonprofit Quarterly. It was a discussion about a new law that is being called the "parent trigger", an option by which a public school can be converted to a charter school when the majority of parents of the children attending a school sign a petition supporting the change. The article discusses a group called Parent Revolution and their approach in Compton, California to facilitate the first application of the law, and it is definitely NOT without controversy.

I've been reading this conversation with interest. (click on link above if you'd like to read it too). What I love and appreciate is the passion for making our schools better. What is harder for me is when we attack others who share our intention to offer a better education to our young people. What are the ways we can continue to take advantage of our different ways of seeing things, and our anger when things are not right, and channel these strong emotions together to ensure positive change?

I think the answer lies in collaborative creation rather than in believing there is just one right answer to the issues. One approach we are taking in Bounce is to partner with schools, students, teachers, school leaders, and leaders in our community to create a spirit of collaboration and a climate in our schools that emphasizes emotional intelligence and shared responsibility. It's an amazing challenge, and made much more doable when we see each other as partners with the same vision. Charter schools may be one answer, and partnering with our public schools to make them better could be a solution as well. What other effective solutions are people discovering and developing? What are the best ways to share these so that they can spread?

My Secret

Bounce — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 13:55:39 +0000

December is the most magical time of the year, especially for children…and storytellers. The holiday season awakens the child in all of us and stories offer us the opportunity to suspend our adult rationale and to believe in the unbelievable, even if just for a few moments.

Today I am posting my favorite story, the one I tell every Christmas at elementary schools and retirement homes. For me, it is a reflection of the values I hold dearest—family, hope, wonder, gratitude, and love. To see these values reflected in the eyes of my listeners is the greatest Christmas gift I could ever receive. Whether 7 or 77, people long to believe in the magic of Santa Claus, the greatest human being that ever lived…. once upon a time.

My Secret...

I have a secret. And before I can tell you, you must promise not to tell another soul (raise your right hand). O.K. Here goes. Santa Claus is my great-grandpa. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. You can imagine that if this got out, I wouldn’t have a moment’s peace. So, shhhhhhhhhhhhh!

My mom first told me this news when I was 6 years old. It was about a week before Christmas and I was sitting under our Christmas tree, sucking on a candy cane, minding my own business when my mom called me from the kitchen, “Nicki, could you come in here for a minute. I would like to talk to you.” Uh oh, those words usually meant I was in trouble. Head down, I shuffled into the kitchen and sat down with my mom at the table.

“Nicki,” my mom began, “Did you ever wonder why you were named Nicki?”

I shook my head.

“Well,” she continued, “you were named after your great grandfather…” She took a deep breath, “Saint Nick.”

My eyes got as big as saucers and I said, “Santa Claus? My great grandpa is Santa Claus?” And then I just laughed, “Mom, that’s crazy. Have you been sipping on the egg nog again?”

Then Mom opened up an old dusty photo album and explained, “I used to spend summers at the North Pole with Grammy and Pappy Claus.” Sure enough, there was my mom as a little girl riding a reindeer. And there she was with Santa swimming in the North Pole Lake. (Santa looked adorable in his polka dotted swim trunks).

As I leafed through the album, with my mouth hanging open, my mom continued, “Nicki, I’m telling you this now because Pappy Claus needs our help. He’s come down with a horrible cold and Grammy Claus is worried that all the toys won’t be ready in time for Christmas. She’s asked for our help. We’re leaving tonight for the North Pole.”

Well, you can imagine that I was in a total state of shock. Then, my big sister came in with our suitcases all packed. She already knew the secret, of course. It turns out she was named after Santa’s favorite Christmas decoration. Her name is Holly.

As I put on my coat, I glanced outside and realized that we wouldn’t be needing an airplane to get us to the North Pole. There in our front yard was a sleigh, complete with golden harnesses and red velvet seats, and, of course, eight reindeer ready to take us on the adventure of our lives.

“Mom,” I gasped, “what if the neighbors see?”

Mom explained that only we could see the sleigh, for we had the Claus magic in our blood. To everyone else, the sleigh and the reindeer were invisible.

Holly and I trudged out through the snow and hopped into the back of the sleigh. Mom gave hugs and carrots to all the reindeers, “Oh, how I’ve missed you,” she told each of them. Then, she took her seat in the front, grabbed the harnesses, and said those magical words that I thought only Santa could say. “Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On Comet! On Cupid! On Donder and Blitzen… To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away dash away, dash away all!”

Oh, it was cold on that sleigh ride, but my heart was so full of excitement that my body felt toasty warm. It seemed like our trip just began when Mom said, “Look down, there’s the North Pole!”

Oh, you’ve never seen a more beautiful sight than the North Pole a week before Christmas. The lights were so bright that the tiny city looked like a gigantic birthday cake covered with vanilla icing with a million candles on it. We certainly didn’t need Rudolph on this clear night! Before I knew it, Mom had smoothly landed the sleigh right next to a cute little green house with red shutters. Claus was the name on the mailbox.

We hopped out of the sleigh and Mom led us inside. A was fire roaring in the fireplace. Christmas carols were playing softly. I immediately felt right at home.

And then I heard the sweetest voice calling, “Who’s coming? Nancy, is that you?”

And there before us stood Grammy Claus holding a plate of cookies, absolutely adorable in her long red dress, covered by a green apron, her gray hair pulled back into a bun, her spectacles resting on the tip of her nose, and the warmest smile you’ve ever seen decorating her chubby little, rosy face.

She hugged my mom first and then my sister and me.

“Holly, Nicki,” she gushed, “I’ve waited so long to meet you. And just as I suspected, you both have your Pappy’s round nose!”

We all laughed, but then Grammy’s expression turned very serious.

“I’ve never seen Pappy with such a terrible cold. The doctor wants him to stay in bed for at least another week. The elves are wonderful, but without Santa’s leadership, they’re just not getting things done. “

“Don’t worry, Grammy,” said my mom, “We’ll take care of everything. That’s what family is for!”

We knew there was no time to waste, but we asked if we could see Pappy Claus for just a moment before we set off to the workshop.

We all tiptoed back into the bedroom and there lay Santa Claus. I could hardly believe my eyes. He was snoring quite loudly, his red stocking feet sticking out of the covers, his round belly making a tent of the blankets, and his nose, just like mine, but with his terrible cold, it really was as red as a cherry.

“Ah choo!” he sneezed and we all jumped a couple steps back.

“Well, look at you,” he smiled at my mom, “You’re all grown up, and….” He paused and reached for his glasses on the nightstand. “These beautiful children must be Nicki and Holly. I’ve peeked in on you sleeping every Christmas Eve, but to see you wide awake… oh, what a treat this is!”

Holly and I just beamed at him, with stars in our eyes.

Mom reassured Pappy that we would handle everything in the workshop. And if he followed the doctor’s orders, he would be well enough to deliver all the toys on Christmas Eve.

“I knew I could count on you. Thank you,” he said with a smile and within a second, he was snoring again.

And back out into the snow we went. We looked like elves in our matching red mittens and hats that Grammy made us!

The workshop was like a castle in the distance, atop a snow covered hill, all silvery and sparkly. We all held hands as we approached the door and we soon realized that this was not a door for regular sized people. It was a door for elves, of course. Mom had to bend down to reach the door bell.

Suddenly, the eye hole on the door opened and we could see a bright blue eye peeking at us. “Who goes there?” said the tiny little voice from behind the door.

Mom explained who we were, but the elf was not satisfied. He continued to stare at us through the eye hole.

“Well, if what you say is true, then you’ll have to tell me something about Mr. Claus that only his family and the elves would know. Only then will I let you in.”

Mom didn’t hesitate for a second, “I’ve got it,” she said, “Every Christmas Eve, Grammy Claus paints Santa’s toenails red and green before he puts on his stockings and boots.”

And with that, the little door opened and the cutest little man I’ve ever seen welcomed us with open arms and a chuckle that seemed to come up from his toes.

“I’m Earnie,” he said shaking all of our hands, “You must be family,” he laughed, “Santa would never want that secret to get out!” Earnie told us that he was the head handyman in the workshop, “Anything that needs fixin’, I’m your elf!” he said proudly.

Holly and I were in awe of the workshop. It was really just as magnificent as I’d imagined it. There were at least 200 elves, all dressed in their tiny red and green uniforms, busy at work at one toy station or another. Some were hammering and tinkering with toys; some were managing big factory like conveyer belts where 100’s of toys were being inspected for perfection; and still others were packaging the toys with big red bows.

All of a sudden, we heard Mom’s voice. She had climbed up onto what looked like an extra tall lifeguard stand (like at the swimming pool). “Mr. C” was on the nameplate above the seat.

Mom was speaking into a megaphone, “Elves, may I have your attention,” she smiled warmly down on the busy crew, “My name is Nancy. I am Santa’s granddaughter. Some of you might remember me from a long time ago when I was a child.”

There was a hushed murmur amongst the elves and Mom continued, “My girls and I have come to help you while Santa is sick. I’ll be sitting up her in Santa’s seat this week and helping you solve any problems that you might have and my girls will help wherever they’re needed,” she paused as she could see the concerned looks on the elves’ faces, “I know you miss Santa, but if we work together, we’ll give him the greatest Christmas present he could ever ask for… a sleigh full of toys ready for delivery on Christmas Eve!”

With that, all the elves cheered and there were high fives all around. I never knew such little people could make so much noise!

Then, Earnie took my hand and whisked me off to the doll making station where chaos had erupted. The elves were shouting at each other. Dolls were flying through the air as the conveyer belt had gone crazy.

“Elves,” I yelled over all the noise, “My name is Nicki and I’m here to help.”

One worker, a well seasoned little elf, stepped forward. She cried when she spoke, “In all my years at the doll making station, we have never had such a problem. It seems that the heads of the Betsy Wetsy dolls were accidentally put on the bodies of the Jumping Jack dolls and the heads of the Jumping Jack dolls were put on the bodies of the Betsy Wetsy dolls. Can you imagine,” the little elf sobbed, “Now the Betsy dolls will be jumping away when the children try to change their diapers this, and the Jack dolls, well, will be having accidents all over the children. Oh, this is a nightmare!”

Hmm, this was a pickle. My first order of business was to have Earnie fix that conveyer belt. But how could I fix the already hundreds of dolls that were mixed up?

I divided the elves into groups, some would remove the heads from the mixed up dolls and some would reattach them to the right bodies. It was slow at first, but soon the elves found their groove and began to smile again.

For the next week, I worked right alongside the elves and we became the best of friends. Time passed so quickly that I couldn’t believe it when Mom rang the Christmas chimes and announced, “Elves, we have one hour until Santa leaves for his Christmas Eve Adventure! You have all been simply wonderful and together, we got the job done!”

Everyone cheered and scampered about putting the finishing touches on the packages. Santa’s sleigh was just about full. I hugged all my elf friends and told them I had something I had to do before Santa left.

I ran all the way to the little green house with red shutters. Grammy was just helping Pappy put on his coat and when she saw me, she practically jumped up and down.

“Oh, Nicki,” she exclaimed, “we heard all about how you saved the day! How can we ever thank you?”

“Well,” I smiled bashfully, “I was hoping maybe I could paint Pappy’s toenails this year.”

Well, Pappy Claus let out such a belly laugh that he nearly split his pants. He scooped me up in his arms and looked deeply into my eyes, “I would be honored,” he said and then he cleared his throat and warned, “But this stays our little secret, ok?’

I agreed and Pappy sat down in front of the fire and I got to work on his red and green toenails. I discovered that he was rather ticklish and oh, how I loved to hear him laugh!

And then it was time to go. Holding hands, Pappy and I walked outside where all the elves were waiting to send us off! Mom and Holly were already all bundled up in the back of the sleigh and I got to ride up front with Santa. Grammy Claus put an extra scarf around Pappy’s neck and told him to fly safe. She blew us all kisses as we flew off into the snowy night sky. I snuggled close to my Pappy to stay warm.

First stop was our house. We exchanged lots of hugs and kisses and then Pappy was off again. He had a busy night ahead of him, indeed.

We all slept late into the next morning, exhausted from our busy week. We awoke to find our living room covered in toys, another magical Christmas morning. Pappy even left me one of the mixed up dolls (a betsy wetsy body with a jumping jack head J)

But the best gift I got that year wasn’t a toy. It was the experience of helping some one else who just happened to be Santa Claus, my pappy. My adventure at the North Pole instilled in me the gifts I treasure most year after year…family, hope, wonder, gratitude, and love.

Believe.

Beauty in the Process

Bounce — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 13:49:48 +0000

Our 8th grade pilot class at Moody Middle School is culminating their Bounce experience with a legacy service project. These insightful students are connecting what they have learned about themselves to how they want to make a difference in the world.

We kicked off the year by creating a sand mandala. We journeyed into ourselves and artistically expressed what we discovered. We began with a seed and then, one by one, each student contributed their own layer. For 2 weeks, these young people filled in their collective design with sand, choosing colors that reflected how they show up in the world.

On Wednesday, we swept up the sand, released the energy we used to create this work, and made an offering to the “love tree” we planted last year. Then, we explored the question: How might this mandala experience parallel our legacy project experience?

Our project starts with a seed—the issue that is calling for the collective voice of the class is hunger. By combining our passions, our strengths, and our values, we will build an impactful service experience that will be this class’s legacy. We are creating human art—and the beauty is in the process.

We or They? The Challenge of Accountability in Everyday Life and Work

Bounce — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 16:44:55 +0000

Our son is home from college for the holiday, and I have to admit that I am amazed at how much he has matured. He has such ownership for the work he is doing and the grades he is earning, as well as his continuing commitment to an always-active social life. It's such a stark contrast to the times that, as he was growing up, he would comment:

That teacher wasn't fair to give me that grade.
I don't know how my room got so messy.
You should have reminded me to do that.

After the many and colorful excuses that peppered his childhood, I am noticing that in his early adulthood our son is taking personal responsibility. And that warms my mother's soul, just as it nurtures my hopes for a world in which we all are accountable for our actions.

What difference would it make if we all owned our part of every interaction, every misunderstanding, every problem? I imagine that there would be an amazing sense of ease, a sharp increase in productivity, and a deep sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that we are each bringing our best to each day. I picture:

restaurants in which every server strives to make any issue right instead of offering excuses about who didn't show up today or a problem in the kitchen
schools in which parents, teachers, students, and community members work together to prepare our young people for the future instead of focusing on what's wrong--test scores, misbehaving kids, or overcrowded classrooms
a Congress in which each member fully owns his/her decisions as a representative of a constituency s/he pledged to serve, and not to further personal interests nor those of a specific party
a society in which we all take responsibility for personal health and excellence, and where we notice and respond to the needs of others--whether it is letting someone merge into the flow of traffic or engaging a fussy toddler as his parent tries to put groceries on a conveyor belt in the store

In short, the notion of personal accountability enables me to picture a world of "we" instead of "us-them". And I love that notion, that possibility.

Yet we aren't there yet. An article on Entrepreneur.com this morning offers some telling examples of the us versus them mentality and its cost. Not only is it clear that taking personal responsibility is key to customer satisfaction; it is also essential to employee engagement. The "we" is far more powerful than the "us" vs. "them".

I know that it doesn't happen all at once, and yet each time one of us holds ourselves accountable we take a huge step towards our shared responsibility for a better world. This morning I am grateful that our 19 year old son has mastered some of the basics of personal accountability. I love that! And I am committed to consciously owning my own actions and seeing what I can do rather than pointing fingers when things aren't right. So if you hear me saying "I can't..." or "They didn't...", please feel free to gently ask me "So what will YOU do about that?"

Significance of the Learning Environment

Bounce — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 15:32:46 +0000

My son Micalister wants to take hip hop dance lessons. How cool is that? The journey to make that happen has opened up to me the significance the learning environment plays in enabling learning...

"Dad, I want to dance Hip Hop!" Micalister said a few months ago. In good parent mode, both Mom and I allowed time to inform us how firm Micalister was in his intention. About every week, Mic would remind us that "taking hip hop dance lessons" was in fact a passionate desire. Mom and I would notice him busting some moves here and there, playing like a mime acting out being behind a glass door, and focusing his attention wherever he noticed dancing. We were convinced he passionately wanted to try this out, particularly to Eminem, Jay-Z, Kesha, and others... :)

We walked into the dance studio. What struck me was the bright pink painted walls, adorned with soft flowery decorations. "There's typically one boy in our class" mentioned the dance instructor. Whew, I thought to myself.

"Dad, why's it all pink in here" Mic mentioned. I wasn't sure what to say as I started to bask in Micalister's uneasiness. "Dad, it's all girls" and with that I could see the tension.

Let me take a moment to describe the tension. Micalister so passionately wants to express his 'free spiritedness,' an amazing value he brings to the world. It's that spirit that lifts the gloomiest of shadows. I love that about Micalister. Innocent. Free. Fun. Goofy.

That free spirit was ready to burst on the dance floor! And here was Micalister, standing in the hall way, caged by internal thought, seeking help in the eyes of Mom and Dad, searching for some wisdom to allow himself to open the door and march right into the dance studio, pink and all, girls and all.

That tension was suffocating to Micalister - ready to be a learner, ready to have fun, ready to express his free spirit, and locked in place by the environment that was around him.

This saddened me, saddened his Mom, and for sure confused, overwhelmed, and frustrated Micalister.

That moment provided me a choice to make as a parent (teacher, leader):

Judge the situation to be just fine and act - "Micalister, so what that it's pink and all girls. This is what you want to do! Hip Hop dance dude, let's march in there. Just do it!"
Understand, accept, compassionately act - "Wow dude. I'm so sorry Mic. Hey, no big deal. Mom and I will find a new place for you to take dance lessons! Hopefully there will be skulls painted on the walls, Kanye West blasting at level 10, and a bunch of dudes break dancing on the floor! Rock on!"

Yes, mom and I are pursuing option #2. And yes, in the moment we both wavered and wanted to take option #1 because that is what Micalister so passionately wanted - to take hip hop lessons. Though what we weren't focused on was that the learning environment was falling short at enabling Micalister to fully enter into his intention and passion.

I'm grabbing a paint brush and looking for where I can paint the walls the colors those around me passionately need in order to fully step into their learning intention.

Will you?

VCU Brand Center Students Share Their Creativity

Bounce — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 01:40:19 +0000

I've known about the VCU Brand Center for awhile now but Andrew Lavasseur's class blew me away today with their creativity, commitment, and sense of community. These students shared their technology and branding brilliance in fun and engaging ways as they offered four businesses, including Bounce, a taste of the possibilities. Our two hours were well spent as teams translated what they had learned about Bounce into tangible options for reaching out to create a public presence. Many thanks to Andrew and his students for their hard work. We can't wait for you to see how we build on your ideas, and the impact this has for our company and for our community.

Is Apology a Sign of Weakness, or of Strength?

Bounce — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 02:14:34 +0000

Are you a person who apologizes? Or one who believes apology is a sign of weakness? According to some researchers, apology may be a tool that needs to be in a skill set of any good leader. An article in the Journal of Business Ethics several years ago notes that "Although providing a genuine apology can be a humbling experience, particularly for individuals in leadership positions, research evidence is beginning to suggest that apologies are critical in rebuilding and sustaining long-term relationships (Tucker, Turner, Barling, Reid, Elving, p. 195)." Apology is an attribute of transformational leaders (and that includes parents, bosses, principals, and CEOs, among others).

So if it is important to be able to apologize, what makes for a good apology? John Kador is a man who focuses on apology and its value to business leaders. One of the articles on his web site (www.jkador.com) offers the "4 R's of apology":

Recognition: acknowledgment to the injured party of what specifically s/he did wrong
Responsibility: accepting full responsibility for the event
Remorse: directly and succinctly saying "I'm sorry", without excuse.
Restitution: doing everything you can to make it right. According to Kador, a good apology might end with the question "What else can I do?"

I am not sure I find it easy to apologize, but I do find it valuable. An apology is a powerful way to let another know they are important to you, more important that your sense of being right. Is there someone you owe an apology to, even if it was not your intention to hurt them? Using the four R's above, will you offer that apology today?

Tucker, S., Turner, N., Barling, J., Reid, E., & Elving, C. (2006, Jan.) Apologies and Transformational Leadership. Journal of Business Ethics, 63 (2), 195-207.

Labyrinth Girls Explore Conflict!

Bounce — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 17:23:55 +0000

On Thursday, twelve 6th grade girls met to explore a sticky subject--conflict! Through role plays, we discovered the difference between outside and inside feelings. We learned that outside feelings like anger, irritation, and frustration feel much safer to express than inside emotions like sadness, fear, anxiety, shame, or jealousy. It takes great courage to own our inside truths... a courage these 12 -year -olds are cultivating admirably!

Do you have to choose?

Bounce — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 20:59:40 +0000

Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create. --Albert Einstein

Einstein was obviously a brilliant man, and yet I think he missed the boat on this one. Avoid the trap he fell into of choosing between imagination and knowledge. Embrace and leverage BOTH in your daily work.

The value of tension

Bounce — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 21:13:05 +0000

Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create. --Albert Einstein

Einstein was obviously a brilliant man, and yet I think that in trying to resolve the tension between knowledge and imagination, Einstein missed the boat. That's understandable because we tend to think of tension as a negative thing to be minimized or avoided. Yet, tension exists when we value more than one thing simultaneously. Is that necessarily bad?

As a leader you will need to access both knowledge and imagination. Each is essential to your success. According to a growing body of research, using polarity management, or what Burger and others call "dilemma reconciliation, can enable leaders to harness this tension. Leadership issues can often be made more explicit and resolvable by identifying the tension between two desirable poles. In contrast to problem solving, this approach enables you to access the potential of two sometimes competing priorities. In the case of imagination and knowledge, polarity management enables you to leverage the groundedness of knowledge and the innovative power of imagination. To learn more, read Barry Johnson's book on polarity management or Burger's 2008 article on dilemmas. Mastering this kind of and/both thinking is a wonderful way to access and channel the diversity of teams.

Leading Ladies Bounce into Service!

Bounce — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 17:38:07 +0000

Fifth grade Leading Ladies at Holton Elementary School are connecting who they are to how they can make a difference in their school. Pictured here is a leading lady helping a 1st grader with her "gratitude chain." The girls supported their 1st grade friends in their effort to identify and record what they were grateful for... and in the process, these leading ladies discovered their own leaders within.

A Poem by a Youth Everyday Leader

Bounce — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 13:34:49 +0000

Sometimes words mean nothing

A simple image pulls out everything

And lets you imagine

In your own way

How the whole paragraph

Really goes

~ Alexandria Markiewicz

The I in TEAM?

Bounce — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 12:57:57 +0000

On Tuesday, our Leaders as Learners walked into their 6th grade classrooms with a learning plan focus on competition and collaboration. Students were divided into 4 teams and each team was given a bag of materials (each bag heavy with one of the following materials: foil, wooden sticks, tape, cups). The Challenge-- build the tallest free standing tower possible.

There was frenzied excitement in the air. The students quickly recognized that the materials were unevenly distributed and competetive juices were stirred. There was frustration and aggression and resignation... and it was beautiuful. Why? Because in the midst of what appeared to be a failed exercise (only one team was able to complete a tower), students learned about themselves and how they show up in teamwork.

Over the chaos, I posed the question, "What would be possible if you all shared your materials?" Lightbulbs lit up around the room, "We could do that?" With that revelation, the student pooled their resources and... more frustration, aggression, and resignation surfaced. But underneath was a sense of liberation-- the students began to embrace the notion that the learning was in the process, not the product.

In our debrief, the students explored how "thier I" showed up in TEAM. And, through this seemingly inconsequential exercise in room 123 at Moody Middle School in Richmond, VA... we uncovered the key to world peace--LISTENING. Yes, that's it. Whether building a tower out of popcicle sticks or ending a war, LISTENING is the most valuable tool we have. And it takes A LOT of practice....

The shopping list

Bounce — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 15:08:01 +0000

A memorable shopping experience from a few years back continues to remind me of the magical time of Christmas, especially to its impact on relationship. I'm one of those people who do all of my shopping on one day, the Saturday prior to Christmas. Let me tell you about my Saturday.

Saturday morning, I was not fully embracing the task ahead as what should be a day of wonder and excitement is often a day of drudgery and snarl. It saddens me to be in community when most of the community are frazzled, hurried, with not a single thought about "being in relationship." And nothing drags me down more than grumpy people. Yikes!

Checking my list twice, it struck me that I didn't have anything on my list for me! And an idea struck me... One - I should add some gifts for myself (why not, right? A little reward for me!). And Two - add items in order to help prevent some drudgery!

At the end of my list I penned my name and added:

Jay

Connect with 5 people
Give a random gift
Help someone in need
Give myself something

I can't remember her name, it was in the check out line at Khols. She told me that she was having all her family over for christmas. "My homemade pie," is what they all love. I just listened. Her story was about family, community, special treats, presents she was buying for her grandchildren - she told it as if she was walking out of the kitchen, mittens on hands, holding that hot out-of-the-oven pie, loving her family.

The WalMart checkout girl was getting grilled by one of those frazzled and hurried customers. The tension cascaded over her like a smothering smoke. It was my turn to check out and I tried on, "wow, you really handled that customer well. It must be hard working at this time of year." Her story that emerged was one of sadness over how customers act during this time of the year, and how she was looking forward to getting off to go home. She smiled at the end with a child like giddiness. Huh, cool.

He was smoking a cigarette, outside of GoodWill, and asked me "hey, do you have $20 so I can buy that bike." The world taught me a mighty lesson in that moment... Irony #1 - I was going to spend $50 on a gag gift. Irony #2 - the last items on my list were:

Bike for Micalister
Give a random gift
Help someone in need
Give myself something

Instead of responding from a place of love, I responded from a place of judgment and just blew him off and walked right by. It wasn't until 30 minutes later, after I left the area, that the dots connected. "Give a random gift. Help someone in need." The last gift to give was "a Bike." I got so angry at myself. Here was the opportunity for me to live into my intention, to grow as a person, to continue to uphold values of family and community.

Blah! Ugh. Sigh.

I turned the car around, headed back. He wasn't there. Damn. I drove around for 30 minutes looking for this person. About ready to give up, I spot him pushing his bike on the side of the road. I pulled up next to him, rolled down the window, and yelled "hey, do you need a ride?"

He needed a new tube for the bike, so on the way to his home we stopped at KMart and I bought him the tube. His story - He just got out of jail for stealing a car. He held high judgments against the "black president." He needed the bike, not for a present, instead for his way to get to work. He lived in one of the worst areas of Richmond, where we were headed while chatting. And, his life was hard. And, family cared for him. And, the possibilities and choices open to him were very different than open to me.

He left me speechless with his parting words, "Hey, I can't give you anything for this. I don't have anything. But it will come around to you, someday."

"it" that he mentioned coming around to me, is way more powerful than he probably imagined, and is with me always...

What can you add to your list this year?

Learning from the Wholehearted

Bounce — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 13:38:12 +0000

Courage, compassion, connection, authenticity, vulnerability - powerful (and sometimes scary) words - that are the secret ingredients to leading, living, and learning wholeheartedly.

Storyteller and qualitative Researcher, Brene Brown from University of Texas, gives a powerful 20 minute TED talk about how her research expanded her perception and ultimately changed the way she lived, loved, worked, and parented.

A Feast of Gratitude

Bounce — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 12:47:30 +0000

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. There is something sacred about the smell of turkey roasting all day (and I’m a vegetarian). The day unfolds predictably…my mama in the kitchen, multitasking brilliantly while my sister and I (under the guise of “helping”) vie for her attention; my children upstairs rehearsing for our pre-dinner entertainment (which usually involves my daughters battling for the spotlight and my son sulking that they didn’t let him wear the boa); and the men crowded around the garage TV, drinking (a lot of) beer and yelling expletives at the football players filling the screen (as if they could do a better job). Like every American family on Thanksgiving Day, we dysfunctionally function in our unique and beautiful way.

When it’s time to feast, we gather around an elegantly set table and my mom poses the question, “What are YOU thankful for?” Typically, our answers are pretty standard… family, friends, health, employment, bourbon (my kind of wild turkey). This year, I will challenge myself (and my family) to dig a little deeper…

Gratitude is my most grounding value. It is also a practice that expands my perspective and unites me with my fellow learners here in this classroom called Earth. The universe has blessed me with a charmed life and I express my gratitude liberally and genuinely.

Now, it’s easy to feel grateful and give thanks for the good stuff. Thank you for my wonderful family. Thank you for our health. Thank you for my warm home. Thank you for my fulfilling work. This constant recognition of the good is great practice… and it’s time I expand my thanksgiving to include the not so good.

Every curve ball thrown our way is an opportunity for us to learn and grow. This is a philosophy I live in my work and in my life. What would happen if I expressed gratitude for my unpleasant circumstances, finding the gifts hidden in my presenting challenges? Let’s see…

Thank you for the deep vein reflux in my legs… it reminds me to sit down and put my feet up, to find stillness in my active days.

Thank you for the crazy obsessive thoughts that take hold of me sometimes… they motivate me to do the inner work that makes me a better person-- which inspires others to do the same.

Thank you for the panic I experience before speaking in public…it forces me to find my breath, my inner-power, my connection to that which is greater than me.

And thank you for my "development angels" (a term coined by our own Kelly Lewis), the people in my life who drive me crazy and who act as my mirrors for what I need to learn and how I need to grow.

WOW! How liberating! It’s all about perspective, refocusing our lens on life, finding the good in ALL of it. And it takes practice… Thanksgiving seems the perfect time to start. A feast of gratitude awaits us. Dig in!

(And THANK YOU for reading...)

Creating Community

Bounce — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 13:41:13 +0000

Anywhere we are, we can create community. Whether walking our dogs, or sitting in an airport, or responding to a child who is lost, we have the opportunity to stay in our own small worlds. And we have the option of creating connection with another, the possibility of a community in which we all belong.

What I have realized over the past ten years or so is that much of the work I am meant to do in this world is to create and sustain learning communities. I have been stunned over and over again to see the miracle of how a group of many separate individuals can become a community. The conversations deepen. Individuals ask for help, and generously offer their assistance. Laughter increases, and people's faces ease as their posture relaxes in this safe space of belonging. The individuals are transformed as they become one in community. They leave afterwards able to contribute what they offer to others in an entirely new way. It is a beautiful thing, and amazingly powerful. How can we create that more often in our world?

As an answer, Peter Block has written Community: The Structure of Belonging, a book that makes it abundantly clear how essential it to focus on transforming our communities. If we are to create the world in which we all want to live, we must build our capacity for and commitment to community. Block describes our current world as one of detachment and disconnection. The costs, he says, are our individual sense of isolation and loneliness as well as the fact that "there are too many people in our communities whose gifts remain on the margin" (p. 2).

Communities enable us all to bring our gifts. This is, I believe, a key source of the energy of communities. Last week I got to see this happening in a sixth grade classroom, a workplace partnership, a spiritual community, a family, an online social network, and in a group of strangers coming together to learn. Each came with their own individual gifts, and left with an appreciation of the gifts everyone else had freely offered. They left with a sense of belonging to something bigger than themselves, and that seemed to free them up to be themselves fully. That is the power of community.

I love that my work with Bounce is all about creating a true sense of community in companies, teams, schools, organizations, communities, and families. I see how this is changing their lives, and enabling them to expand their sense of joy, contribution, and being. I see that this is also changing me; no one fails to be transformed by the capacity of a community. And I am grateful that I get to do this work. As Block asserts, creating community is critical if we are to realize the possibility of a peaceful world in which each person is cared for and appreciated for what they bring.

What is a possibility for community you want to see realized in your life?
Whose contributions can you acknowledge?
Where can you be fully present to your experience with others?
How can you demonstrate your caring for and welcoming of another person?
What are you doing to create community today?

Bowling alone?

Bounce — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 14:17:15 +0000

Have you ever gone bowling alone? What would that be like? Would it be any fun?

I don't know, but Robert Putnam, author of Bowling Alone, might. According to Putnam, bowling represents one form of "social capital". People of all ages form informal groups who enjoy each other's company while bowling. And bowling leagues create a community of participants who regularly see and connect with each other.

According to Putnam, this kind of regular gathering together is part of the social fabric that creates strength in society, and it is a social fabric that is showing tears. Attendance at regular club meetings has shrunk since the 70's as has active participation in sports. Being a sports spectator, especially in front of a television, has increased. However, Putnam notes that "watching a team play is not the same as playing on a team" (p. 114). To understand more about what's happening in our communities and how to revive them, read Putnam's book and Peter Block's book Community. Both offer an abundance of facts and research, as well as practical suggestions on how to take action.

Creating community on the job

Bounce — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 14:31:45 +0000

If you could enable everyone around you to bring their best each day, would you do it? Most of us would say "YES!" and we might still be unsure of how to do so. Peter Block's recent book Community: The Structure for Belonging has an unusual section at the end of the book about role models and resources for creating communities where each person brings their best. Some examples:

Geralynn & Tom Sparough, who have figured out how to bring the intimate connections of a family into a larger community

Paul Uhlig, an expert on creating a true sense of caring in hospitals

Christopher Alexander, teach ordinary people how to build and rebuild communities

Click on any of their names to learn more about tools you can use in your own work and life.

Living the Upside of Life

Bounce — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 18:57:16 +0000

"How do I live the upside of my life?". A question I have been living for the past two weeks with a mix of impatience and allowance.

The funny thing is I have been writing this blog post in my heart and mind since this beautiful question hopped into my hand and said "Look at me...Look at me". And just this past weekend I realized why I had not actually sat down to write it - I didn't have THE answer. This gentle reminder quickly took me back to my time in Georgetown's coaching program when a wonderful friend and colleague, Frank Ball, said to me, "Kelly, just be in the question". And I can remember looking at Frank like he had eight heads and thinking to myself, "Frank, questions are meant to be answered so let's figure this out and move on":)

While trying to practice what I "know" but don't always do, I stumbled across a similar tid bit of wisdom in The Courage to Teach Guide we are using for one of our Leadership Programs. Rainer Maria Rilke wrote, "Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves....Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."

So I turned my task to write a blog post with "The Answer" upside down and decided to practice living the question and sharing with you what I am now noticing:

I am living the upside when I share in someone else's greatest joy - the love of my life, my husband Glenn, has shown me this recently when sharing his love for fishing with me
I am living the upside of my life when I am bringing together diverse groups of individuals to learn with and from each other - what a gift it was to have 300 6th graders, 30 11th and 12th graders, and 12 thirty-fifty somethings leading and learning together on Monday
I am living the upside of my life when someone sees me and appreciates what I am passionate about (even if they care about something different) - I experienced this recently with a group of amazing graduate students at VCU's Brandcenter
I am living the upside of my life when I decide to show up as my best self regardless of how everyone around me is choosing to show up - thanks to my peeps who helped me see this during our monthly Workbox community dialogue group this week...I am working on it:)
I am living the upside of my life when I am connected to the people I love - Sunday I got to hang out with my girls, eat great Thai food, drink delicious wine, chill in front of a fire, laugh at myself and with the two of them, and share what's up in life
I am living the upside of my life when I am keeping it simple, being honest with myself, and giving freely - thanks to the fabulous group of women who gathered for a Bounce event last night for that big nugget of truth
I am living the upside of my life when I am letting the magic of life happen rather than trying so hard to make it happen - Can I hear an AMEN:)

So that is where I am at the moment. And I can honestly say I am excited about just sitting with and in this question without the need to have an answer. I will let you know how, "gradually, without noticing it," I begin to live into the answer.

And for you - What question(s) are you currently living? And are they the ones you want to be living? If not, what question(s) wants to live you?

The Power of YOUth!

Bounce — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 01:10:49 +0000

On Monday, students from Henrico High School joined forces with our Leaders as Learners participants at Moody. Their mission - to offer our 6th graders their perspectives on the value Bounce in middle school (why learning how to manage emotions, behavior and relationships; how we communicate and solve problems; how we ultimately affect change in the world is important).

Their "cool factor" earned us great credibility:) These juniors and seniors brought their best selves to this experience, embracing their roles as leaders and learners as they helped us continue to build community in Moody's classrooms. And we continue to learn that the power of YOUth cannot be underestimated!

We start with ourselves...

Bounce — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 22:49:28 +0000

On Thursday evening, a beautiful group of women gathered at Bounce headquarters to explore who they are and how they show in the many roles they play-- "mom" being the most important of those roles. Our message: YOU are the most precious gift you can give to your daughters (and sons, too)--YOU, the mom who DOES laundrey and dinner ...and YOU, the human being who IS thick with love and fear and all the complexity that makes you uniquely you. Through playdough symbols, collective poetry, intimate interviews, and visual art, these courageous women expressed their inner cores and the obstacles that get in thier way of staying true to themselves.

We start with ourselves....

Teachers as Learners - pausing in the garden...

Bounce — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 19:52:42 +0000

A collective sigh could be heard throughout the beautiful Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens on Friday, as eleven teachers and their fearless leaders gathered for a day off campus, a much needed pause from the activity of a typical school day.

Bounce and Courage to Teach facilitators led teachers on a self-exploration into the world of polarities. Polarities experienced as teachers (and as developing human beings) were uncovered and examined. In the end, teachers experienced a taste of the 7th grade curriculum they would facilitate on Monday. And facilitate they did! Fist to five? They gave it a 5!!

The open door policy

Bounce — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 21:48:14 +0000

I journaled about my time in the classroom last week, and invite you to read it. The writing is of the structure of my door, and your door, and how we experience the relationship based on those doors. Enjoy!

I can only open my door.

Sharing Brilliance

Bounce — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 12:07:55 +0000

Our Leaders as Learners participants did it! Not only did they survive, they were brilliant on Tuesday while working with their class of 30 sixth graders at Moody Middle School for the first time!

The coolest thing was - these leaders shared themselves and the gift of Emotional Intelligence with these young people AND they learned some valuable lessons from them. When asked, "What surprised you most about how you showed up today?", they became aware of some amazing qualities and fears that could take their leadership to the next level:

Courage
Boldness
Flexibility
Insecurity
Ease
Authenticity
Choice
Disappointment

Heart Smarts

Bounce — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 11:59:18 +0000

Our friends at SOHO had a fabulous first night with their mentees - 14 young ladies from Richmond's Gilpin Court.

These young woman got to experience the power of "Heart Smarts", what our young people like to call Emotional Intelligence, and explore how these very valuable skills are available to each and every one of us!

That's a Lot of Work to Do Only to Fail!

Bounce — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 23:05:47 +0000

I was talking to a friend today about how hard he is working to recruit the right talent for his financial services company. And then another friend emailed me an article from the financial section of the Wall Street Journal (FINSWire) saying that almost half of new hires fail within the first year. That mind-boggling rate is despite the fact that the successful candidate has typically been interviewed by over a dozen decision-makers before being hired. Wow! That is a lot of work, for both applicant and recruiting company, if it doesn't pay off for their long term success working together.

According to the article, there are some best practices that can enhance the likelihood of success, and most of them have to do with people skills, building self awareness, and alignment between the individual's values and the culture of the organization. That came as no surprise to me, since every time I've worked with a person considering leaving an organization it is because of poor alignment between them and their boss, or between them and the culture of the company. Similarly, when I work with organizations to retain their top talent and enhance their leaders' skills, the focus is almost always on helping leaders with soft skills such as listening, managing their emotions, and telling compelling stories that inspire and motivate others.

If you are someone who's hoping to improve the likelihood of a successful match between new hire and organization, or to retain your top talent as the economy improves, some tremendous resources are available:

One tool is the classic book on Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, now in its 10th anniversary edition. This readable, engaging resource offers an understanding of why the most successful people are self aware and aware of others, and are consciously noticing how they manage their own emotions and how they connect with those aroung them.
Individual and Leadership Team coaching are also increasingly sought as ways to help leaders and teams work effectively together. According to UK Coach Jonathan Passmore, "At the heart of coaching lies the idea of empowering people by facilitating self-directed learning, personal growth, and improved performance." Coaching, then, is an investment that continues to reap benefits over time.

How can you develop your self awareness and soft skills?

What impact will this have on your success?

How will the changes you make affect those around you?

Managing Polarities instead of Solving Problems?

Bounce — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 00:28:06 +0000

Kelly Lewis and I just returned from completing four days of training on Polarities Management and we continue to be amazed by just how powerful this work is. So often in our work and organizations we are focused on solving problems. Once we arrive at a powerful solution, we expect that the issue will be resolved once and for all. Why is that so seldom the case? Usually it's because we've tried to find an Either/Or solution instead of recognizing it's a Both/And situation.

Our own growing company, Bounce, offers many examples:

Should we focus on Delivery to Existing Customers or Business Development with New Clients?
What is the right balance of Leader-directed learning and Learner-directed learning in our programs?
Do we concentrate on the strengths of the Individual or should we consider the Team as a whole?

If we resolved any of these questions by choosing either one of the alternatives, we would be missing a critical part of the solution. These are polarities to be managed rather than problems to be solved. As such, these situations challenge us to realize the advantages of both extremes while at the same time minimizing their downsides.

According to our trainers from Polarities Management Associates--Barry Johnson, W. Cliff Kayser, and Beena Sharma--polarities (also called dilemmas or paradoxes) are "inherently unavoidable and unsolvable. The on-going, natural tension between the poles can be destructive and debilitating or can be managed, and channeled into a creative synergy that leads to superior outcomes." Some examples they share:

Leaders need to ensure that they balance both stability and change.

Organizations need to contain costs and to maintain quality.

Each of us has to balance our commitments to self and to others.

None of these are issues we can solve by choosing one pole (extreme) and neglecting the other. We need to consider, balance, and prioritize BOTH in order to succeed in a sustainable way.

To learn more about polarities management, enjoy Cliff Kayser's white paper, and Barry Johnson's book Polarity Management. Let us know what you discover about the polarities in your own life and work, and what you learn when you supplement your skills in effective problem solving with a polarities management approach. You can be sure we will be doing the same at Bounce!

Fall Funk

Bounce — Sat, 06 Nov 2010 13:35:23 +0000

I got the fall funk. Now, I’ve logged enough parenting and teaching hours to have built up a pretty strong immune system. Colds, viruses, stomach bugs usually don’t stand a chance with me—unless I need a wake up call of some sort.

It was a perfect storm of a week—chilly weather (which I don’t embrace), PMS (need I say more), and sick kids (in all varieties). My cold nestled in last weekend, followed by a couple days of intense nausea, then the mother of all headaches set up shop behind my eyes, and now, a cough that with every hack seems to be barking, “Guess what, Nicki, you’re not in control.”

Ahh, so there it is, the wake up call… I’m not in control. (stepping in dog sh-t before an important meeting today a further reminder of this little fact). Yes, I admit I’ve been on my soapbox a bit of late (some of which I blame on pms). I’ve been ranting to whomever will listen about my frustration with our culture’s affinity for human doing (and consuming) and its lack of attention to human being. I’ve been wagging my finger at the world, with a scowl on my face, “Wake up people… Stop. Breathe. Be.” And then my cough gears up from a place deep within, scolding me with firm compassion, “You wake up, Nicki. You Stop. You Breathe. You Be.”

And so I surrender. I let go. I actually embrace the fact that I am not in control. No more “shoulds” falling from my lips (at least for today). No more judgment. Everyone, including myself, is doing the best they can. This planet is our classroom and we’ve all got different lessons to learn. Yes, I am at peace with myself and with my fellow classmates.

Wow. That feels good. So good that I give myself permission to curl up in bed at 7:00 pm. And guess what. The world doesn’t stop. And I realize that my family really wants to be in service to me; they want to step up into leadership roles in our home—I just don’t usually give them the opportunity. But tonight, my husband takes care of dinner (ok, it was already in the crock pot) and the dishes (which he always does, bless him). My 8- year-old reads me a story (stroking my hair so sweetly) while my 11-year-old helps her 1st grade brother wash his hair (which is no easy task). And in the end, they all relish in smothering me with good night kisses and hugs.

The next day, I’m not feeling much better and I’ve got two groups to facilitate. I decide to be transparent with my 4th and 5th grade Leading Ladies, explaining that I’m not feeling 100%. Because my head is so fuzzy, I tell them that I will be leading from my heart today. Having let go of the ridiculous expectations I have for myself, I am not at all rattled when I realize I forgot my singing bowl (a ritual item that sets the tone for our sessions). Instead, I teach the girls the universal “om” tone and we co-create our own opening ritual. Giving them control of our opening allows them to step into leadership—which is the point, after all! Yes, this letting go thing is getting better all the time.

The universe gives me a final nudge during a Bounce session with high school students. Kelly and I are illustrating the “wind and the willow” trust activity and Kel (very slyly) volunteers me to be the willow. (Picture me—a 38 year old woman in the middle of a circle of twelve 16 year olds). With my eyes closed, I surrender control and fall into the waiting hands of strangers, allowing myself to be volleyed around the circle like a pinball. In my submission, I realize that this circle is the perfect metaphor for the universe and her longing for humans to temper our free will and our need to be in control with letting go and having faith in her plan for all of us. What a kinesthetically liberating experience!

My week ends with a yoga class, the ultimate in awakening to the lessons we are meant to learn. As I prepare to stop, breathe, and be, my teacher (in cahoots with the universe, I’m sure), proclaims, “To practice yoga is to practice letting go.” No wonder the Buddha is always smiling.

How about you? You got the funk? It might be the universe calling… what does she have to tell you?

Meeting Africa

Bounce — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 10:42:40 +0000

I first met Africa in May 2009 when I traveled to Ethiopia to bring our daughter, Morgan, home. I had been introduced to Africa a few times before through news, magazines, and fundraisers – but I had never formally met her. With typical African hospitality, she opened up her arms and accepted me into her home, culture, and most importantly her heart.

I went to Africa thinking I was just going to pick-up Morgan and learn a little bit of culture. However, in two short weeks, I found myself weeping as our airplane was taking off to come to the United States. I had experienced unconditional love, grace, and joy with some of Africa’s closest friends. Sadly, I knew that returning to the States would be different and I wasn’t ready to say good-bye. Yes, I did miss my family at home (and flushing toilets!), but somehow I wanted to stop time and bring my family to me. I wanted them to meet Africa.

Since they couldn’t meet Africa, I tried my hardest to bring bits of Africa back with me. Beyond the pictures and trinkets, I tried to bring back patience and love. I even returned with a beautiful silver ring that I wear daily – a physical reminder to myself to slow down. To be in the moment. To live respectively of myself and others. For a few days, weeks, maybe even months – I was unplugged and present in their lives. But slowly, I became wrapped up in the daily chaos of Costco shopping and spelling tests; I was spending $3 for a cup of coffee and watching trash tv. I had become “normal” again. I had forgotten my dear friend, Africa. I had forgotten how wonderful it felt to be with her – her smells, sounds, laughter, and smiles. Forgotten is not the right word – I had failed in our friendship.

I still have all the physical trinkets displayed but a friendship needs more than the physical. It needs heart. “Africa has taught me that possessions in my hand will never be as valuable as peace in my heart.” As you know, the majority of Africans have very few physical possessions, however, they do possess more joy than I have ever found… bought…or received. “I no longer want to need the next thing to have joy.” I want more for my family, more for my girls, more for me.

But how do I do this? How do I not lose focus? What is the best way to honor my friendship with Africa? I want and need to go beyond the fundraising, beyond waving the Ethiopian flag, beyond the silver ring. How do I get Africa to move in with us – all of us? How do I get her into our hearts and spirit?

I need Africa more than she will ever know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAB-zJPsJjs

Coaching worldwide

Bounce — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 01:58:10 +0000

I just got back from the International Coach Federation annual meeting in Fort Worth, Texas, and it was an incredible mix of coaches from all over the world. I met coaches from Japan, Mexico, Spain, Canada, Israel, and all over the United States. Hearing their stories and understanding the work they are doing was amazing. I learned that coaching is making a difference for:

small business
faith communities
government
job seekers in this tough economy
schools all over the world
corporations
families
universities
health care
information technology
nonprofits
art

In fact, I am hard-pressed to figure out a place that coaching is not making a difference. It was inspiring. (Also inspiring was the amazing Fort Worth Water Garden shown above, which was right next door to the convention center).

And it's good to be home again!

Centered, Conscious, and Connected

Bounce — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 02:44:41 +0000

How do teams work together? What makes for a well-functioning team? I recently had the opportunity to listen to the beautiful music of the Annesci Quartet from France, and to learn from them lessons about teamwork and leadership. As we listened to them play, and heard their reflections, it became obvious that they were very centered in themselves as musicians and as people. They were also very conscious of their responsibility to stay in touch with the others so all could play in harmony. Finally, they were connected with the audience, and the experience they wanted the audience to have.

Are you centered, conscious, and connected in your leadership? What one step could you take today to become even more so?

A Dose of Forgiveness

Bounce — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 20:22:39 +0000

Sometimes self forgiveness is really hard. Goodness. Did things go very south for me, as the coach of my son's flag football team.

I was so looking forward to this past weekend's flag football game. It was my last game to be on the field with Micalister, as both his coach and dad. Mic and I have really enjoyed our time together on the flag football team. He tells me over and over again how happy he is that I decided to "teach" the football team this year. It's been one big dad/son bonding event.

Micalister played an amazing game this last game! I was so proud and happy for him.

As coaches we have a post game ritual to give out the game ball to the player that had the most impact on the game, the hammer to the player that most exemplified a team player, and each coach awards a "blow pop" to his choice player that "blew up" the other team. It's done in front of the parents in a big team meeting! Very exciting part of flag football. I had it all figured out to give Mic my blow pop, as not only did he deserve one, he also would love getting it from me, his Dad.

The head coach went first and awarded his blow pop to an offensive lineman. Then turned and looked at me..... I was to go next. Uh oh.

Then I felt the stress. The thought that entered my mind was this; "no coach really gives his son an award, as that is showing favorites. Daddy ball, I think they call it. What would all the other parents think if I went first and gave my blow pop to Mic. Just another Dad as coach being unfair."

It was brutal. I actually froze. My heart was yelling as loudly as it could "give it to Mic. He really does deserve it. It's a showing of fatherly love. It's the last game, your last chance!" I don't think I looked at Mic. I couldn't. My head yelled back "coaches are viewed as playing favorites, that's what all the parents will think."

I was experiencing an internal war and it had me in chaos. Heart - "give it to Micalister." Head - "playing favorites." - Heart -"Mic" - Head - "What would they think"

Like a slow motion robot, I moved. The person receiving my coveted blow pop in my last game as a coach, was not Micalister, instead it was another player. I almost couldn't talk when giving it to him. Yes, this player totally deserved it. Yes, he smiled from ear to ear. No, he wasn't my son.

I didn't play favorites.

I couldn't believe it. I was so crushed the exact moment I handed the blow pop to someone that wasn't MIc. I wanted to undo it, I could feel the pain, I had absolutely just broken my heart into little pieces.

I prayed that another coach would award Micalister a blow pop. He looked on eagerly. I looked on in terror. Next coach, not Micalister. Next coach, not Micalister. I barely could look at Mic, as his bright face lit up each time a new coach was to award a blow pop, then be brushed by disappointment when the coach gave it to a different player.

I couldn't take it when it all finished with the game ball and hammer going to other players. Micalister didn't get a blow pop. I could see how bummed he was.

I was beating myself up on how I gave into the notion that "playing favorites" got in my way of showing how much I appreciated Micalister, preventing me from giving my son a brief moment of appreciation, support, and love. I was crushed.

In a move to half save the day, I grabbed an extra blow pop and went up to Mic after we adjourned. I told Micalister straight up that I wanted to give him my blow pop and didn't because I thought for a moment that coaches shouldn't give their sons the award. Then I told him that I should have ignored that reason, and that I should have given him my blow pop. I told him that I thought he played great, and that he totally deserved the blow pop! I then said I was sorry, and I gave him the blow pop. He loved that I did that.

I still couldn't take it. Being a coach and father at the same time is hard, it's unfair actually. It was then that I decided that I had to absolutely give myself forgiveness or this was going to cause me significant stress. It's a choice - choose to dwell on the impression of failure as a father, or choose to forgive myself for not quite living into my values.

I am choosing self forgiveness. And it's hard.

Choose forgiveness.

Vulnerability is not a bad thing

Bounce — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 01:28:36 +0000

Each day, especially during election campaign season, we read and hear about our failing schools. So schools need strong leaders, right? Or maybe, what schools need most are leaders who can express uncertainty and vulnerability. Because when things change (as they invariably do), the best leader is open and vulnerable about what s/he does not know. This kind of vulnerability can be a good thing for relationships and for organizations. As Ackerman and Maslin-Ostrowski noted in a 2004 article "Although the need for strong leadership in our schools persists, most school leaders recognize that their own leadership is a daily exercise in vulnerability."

A courageous leader's Reflection

Bounce — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 01:43:36 +0000

In this years Leaders as Learners program we have been learning a lot about our ability to listen. I went to visit some friends Friday evening for the purpose of practicing my listening skills:) and you won't believe what I discovered!

One thing I discerned about my listening is I used to never want to listen to one particular friend because I had never really trusted her views - mostly because of her attitude and the "cranky voice" I heard when she was voicing her opinion. Well, I purposely tried hard to really listen to her on Friday evening and I actually enjoyed it. It was like discovering my friend all over again. I still heard her "cranky voice" at times but instead of tuning her out, I tried to listen intently and she had some very interesting things to say.

I realized I had been allowing her close-mindedness on various issues to keep me from paying much attention to what she had to say. I still had a hard time trusting what she was saying and I learned that despite another person's attitude, it is still beneficial for me to listen to what they have to say. So it's got me wondering, "Have I made a habit of this...tuning people out whose opinions I don't trust over my own based on their attitudes or close-mindedness?" I am not sure so I will be noticing this going forward and deciding what I want to do to change it!

Karen, Systems Engineer, Virginia Credit Union

Who do they need me to be?

Bounce — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 11:43:22 +0000

On Thursday, October 14th, Bounce had the pleasure of working with fourteen women mentors from the SOHO program to explore a curious question, "Who do they need me to be?"

This year Bounce has expanded our support of the SOHO program. In addition to creating a life and leadership curriculum to transform the inner space of their young ladies (one where they have greater confidence in who they are and what they bring to the world) we are supporting the women mentors in the same way.

No matter how old we are, we can find ourselves asking, "Who do they need me to be?" A couple of weeks ago this group of courageous women (that are giving themselves and modeling the way for the young girls of our community) were asking themselves that same question - wondering who these young girls needed them to be. The cool thing was they discovered the most powerful answer to that question was, "themselves"!

SOHO, Space of Her Own, is a twenty two week program that brings together fourteen girls from Richmond's Gilpin Court and fourteen women mentors from across the Richmond Community to explore their creative spirits through engaging art projects, meaningful life-skill lessons, and sharing healthy meals. As the culminating project, mentors spend a weekend with each girl, organizing and re-decorating her bedroom. Together they transform her space into a positive, clean, well-lit room with a special place to study, using all the projects they made together.

Who Knew Surrender Could Feel So Good?

Bounce — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 01:48:35 +0000

I have never been a big fan of Surrender. I tend to see Surrender as something that comes from a position of weakness, and I can imagine that if I surrender, I am a failure. And yet, there are more times than I can count that I have faced circumstances beyond my control. At times like these, does it make sense to try to control things and wish for something that ISN'T? Or is surrender to what IS a more powerful choice?

For the answer, I went to one of my favorite resources--the dictionary. And there, I found both clarity and confusion because "surrender" is defined as many different things:

to yield to the power, control, or possession of another (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
resignation; acceptance of despair (wordnetweb.princeton.edu)
to relinquish possession or control of (thefreedictionary.com)

I am willing to relinquish control (definition #3) when that makes sense, and I'm also usually able to yield my power to another (definition #1) when they have skills or experience I lack. Accepting despair, however, as suggested in the second definition, is something I rarely, almost never, choose to do. As I write this, I realize it is validation yet again of the wisdom of Reinhold Niebuhr's Serenity prayer:

God, grant me the Serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

the Courage to change the things I can;

and the Wisdom to know the difference.

And for me, that final line means that when I cannot change something, the best, wisest, and most powerful thing I can do is to Surrender. Having Surrender in my toolbox offers yet another tool. It does not suggest that I am weak. Rather, it means I am both flexible and courageous.

What does Surrender offer me today? If I let go of control and trusted, I'd:

accept that our aging dog takes 15 minutes to walk to the corner and home again
let go of the notion that I can do everything myself
understand that this day, like so many others, has but 24 hours

What might Surrender offer to you?

Visualize your way to something new

Bounce — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 02:26:54 +0000

I recently had the opportunity to be interviewed about using visual imagery, an incredible tool for accessing the power of your creative brain. Since the article's been published, I've heard from several readers about the power visualization has had for them. This week, I'll have the opportunity to present the DECAL approach to The Coaches' Edge conference in Fort Worth, Texas. I'm excited to see the results.

I'm not the only one who sees the power of visual tools in changing the way we think and communicate. If you are intrigued by visual imagery, some recent books you may want to explore are Dan Roam's The Back of a Napkin: Solving Problems and Selling Ideas with Pictures or Nancy Duarte's Resonate. Let me know what you discover.

Lost in Space

Bounce — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 00:43:00 +0000

Ahhhh. I have some time and space to breathe. I have been bouncing hard for about 6 weeks—crossing lots of t’s and dotting lots of i’s, often in the middle of the night when inspiration likes to strike. So full of love for this work, I didn’t give a second thought to my messy house or my un-plucked eyebrows. And my kids were loving their unsupervised tv and snack times (a lot of oreos and even more Hannah Montana were consumed).

And now, my immediate deadlines have been met, my groups are underway, and I’m falling into a beautiful bouncy rhythm. This afternoon, I rode my bike to a yoga class, caught up with a friend, did some work-related tasks, cleaned the bathrooms, and plucked my eyebrows. Then, I realized that I had an hour before I needed to pick up my kids.

‘OK,’ I said to myself,’ this is nice. I’ll just sit down for a minute. Where is that magazine I’ve been wanting to read? No, I don’t feel like sitting. Maybe I should check my e-mail. Hmm, nothing there. Oh, I’ll clean my air purifier… or I could start on dinner. No, I’m going to meditate.’ (10 seconds later) ‘Well, this is ridiculous. I know. I’ll write a blog….’ Seeing a pattern here?

This is what I know: I thrive on meaningful production. I am an active yogi. I honor my light and yours through doing, not so much through being. I flourish in the art of spreading love and good vibes as I check off my to-do list, one beautiful love offering at a time. I am perfectly happy navigating my life this way--until my to-do list is all checked off and I find myself lost in space!

I am a crazy person on the first day of a vacation. I recite the same mantra over and over until I finally believe it about midway into day 2. “I am—and that’s enough. I am—and that’s enough…” Truly, I am intrigued and inspired by this whole concept of being. I just can’t seem to make it a part of my daily practice.

So, in the spirit of Bounce, I have to ask myself, ‘What’s so hard about being lost in space? And that’s when Tink (my wild looking personified fear who debuted in a previous blog) strolls out of the dark closet and announces his presence with jazz hands. That’s it. When my party of a life is in full swing, there’s no room for Tink at the bar. And while I’m slowly allowing Tink to integrate with my light, I’m still much more comfortable keeping him in the dark.

But here we are, me and Tink, in this wide open space. Tink is dancing around like a madman, pleased as punch to have my undivided attention. And I realize that the more I resist him, the more space he occupies. So, I invite him to sit beside me. He expresses the same old fears and tries to convince me to engage in the “what if” game that we play so well together. He senses my temptation—and nuzzles his way into my embrace, preparing to initiate our old comfortable pattern.

And I stop him cold. Tink is shocked by my strength (and to be honest, so am I). I tell him that he is welcome in my wide open space, but only on my terms. And then, I lead him through a meditation. (Feel free to chuckle at the insanity of this account). At first resistant, Tink finally warms up to our new practice and we discover a different way of being together. Gone is the comfortable, yet harmful pattern. And here to stay is an empowering and uniting peace… found in the wide open space of my life.

Tomorrow I will take some more time to be—with Tink and whoever else wants to join my spacious party.

How about you? Can you be without doing? How do you deal with being lost in space?

The Value of Time Off

Bounce — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 02:05:11 +0000

What if you became aware that you were no longer engaged, and no longer creative? Would you decide to take a year off to renew yourself? That is what Stefan Sagmeister has chosen to do, and you can learn about his rationale, and the results, from his 18 minute TED video.

What payoff would it have for you to take time off?

Is it possible you would be MORE productive and innovative?

Meetings and How to Make Them Better

Bounce — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 03:01:20 +0000

Most people spend a lot of their work time in meetings, and for many meetings are torture. How can you make them better? One of my favorite resources is Patrick Lencioni's Death by Meeting. Lencioni's book, in parable form like most of his writing, offers insight into why we don't like meetings ("The most justifiable reason to loathe meetings is that they don't contribute to the success of our organizations.", p. 223) as well as an understanding of how to make meetings better (Hint: Start with the most important item on the agenda instead of the first one.)

If you don't have time to read Lencioni's boodk, a top ten list may help: you may appreciate The Ten Commandments for Conducting Meetings. My favorite? "Fear not to cancel if the need disappears."

Enjoy your meetings for a change!

Servant Leadership: Inspiring and Powerful

Bounce — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 01:11:54 +0000

I keep meeting powerful leaders, and I've been noticing that they all have one thing in common. Somehow,despite the position they've attained in their companies, they have put their own egos to the side and are focused on serving those who fall below them on the organizational chart. These leaders are powerful because they inspire a level of loyalty, commitment, and effort that seems to come almost effortlessly. How do they do it? One example is Bailey.
Bailey, a 50-some year old leader, is second in command at his mid-size company. Bailey sees himself as destined to serve those whose paychecks he signs. According to the Greenleaf Center on Servant Leadership, "The servant-leader is servant first… It begins with the natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first....[This leader seeks] to make sure that other people’s highest priority needs are being served. The best test, and difficult to administer, is: Do those served grow as persons? Do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants?"

For Bailey, servant leadership means that he notices when others are not performing up to standards. When he sees this, Bailey takes the person aside and asks them how he can help. Sometimes Bailey has assisted by explaining a challenging task or concept. Other times, he has helped by giving his staff member a few days off to take care of personal issues that are keeping them from focusing on work. On occasion, Bailey has shared the vulnerability and fears he's experienced during his own journey. In all cases, Bailey seeks to empower instead of blame his employees when they don't perform. In return, they are grateful and inspired to do the same for those who report to them. Slowly but surely, Bailey is establishing a culture of service in his organization. The impact is excellent personnel retention, strong bottom line performance, and a deep sense of appreciation and joy at the end of each day--for Bailey, and for those he serves.

How do you serve others as a leader?

How can you put others first, while still staying true to yourself and your own values?

The Empowerment Dynamic: Moving from Victim to Creator

Bounce — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 01:38:27 +0000

Ann Deaton, partner in Bounce, recently participated in a three day long learning community on Bainbridge Island, Washington. The session was designed to enable 15 of us to learn more about how to help our clients (and ourselves) to make "shift happen" when we find ourselves victims of the circumstances and events in our lives. David Womeldorff, Donna Zajonc, and Bert Parlee shared the brilliance of The Power of TED* and Immunity to Change, and all of us walked away with some new tools for sharing with the world. I look forward to sharing them with all of you.

With motion

Bounce — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 14:01:48 +0000

An email went out to all of the Marathon Training Team coaches to submit a "tip" for running the Richmond Marathon. What emerged is something I think is wonderfully applicable to us all.

The "tip" :)

Here is a concept called "running in the present" which, simply, is a mental strategy where one's focus is brought to the present moment in order to clear the mind and relax. During a race, notice when your thoughts start to become self defeating and you hear the inner critic yelling things like "Are you crazy? this is stupid. Idiot!" (or whatever we know we say to ourselves when the going gets tough). The shift is to bring your thoughts to your breathing, notice the rhythmic in and out, expand that awareness to stride, noting how each foot strike is powerfully connecting with the ground. Scan the body and focus on power, movement. Allow perspective to widen to experience how being a runner is beautifully connected with the environment around, and how the scenery in some way is energizing the self. Connect the activity of being in motion - running, breathing, striding with that of the movement in the environment - the waving crowd, the swaying trees, the breeze on the Lee bridge. The resulting realization that all is presently in motion, clears the mind and empowers the body to continue to play its part of being in motion with the environment.

This tip stems from a leadership coaching philosophy of "being in the present." The tip was positioned for a runner - connecting being in motion as a runner to the awareness that everything in the environment is in motion. This can be tailored to any situation where one is seeking presence. In meditation, we connect our stillness and silence to the awareness that everything around us is in fact still and silent. The result is a feeling of community and belonging with the world around us. In that feeling emerges empowerment, confidence, and love.

And I offer that everything around us is in motion, and is also still. Just notice.

Give it a try. Where in your life would you like to be present with motion? Where in your life would you like to be present with stillness?

Richmond Diocese Teacher Conference

Bounce — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 14:44:33 +0000

Bounce recently led a breakout session during the Richmond Diocese Teacher Conference.

A classroom of teachers experienced a Bounce session on the topic of emotional intelligence and its impact to the broader school community. The time was focused on raising awareness of emotional intelligence in the classroom, providing tools the teachers can use in the classroom, and opening up the conversation on how Bounce and the Catholic Diocese may partner together in service to middle school students and teachers.

Moody Middle School Students Bounce!

Bounce — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 15:45:18 +0000

Over the past couple weeks, Bounce has helped get Moody Middle School students excited about service! The Service Kick-Off rallies began with a loud rendition of Michael Jackson's "Heal the World" and an empowering youtube video that got students fired up about connecting who they are to how they can make a difference in the world. Check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8I7Wk14VWK4&feature=related

Students were inspired by community leaders from the Daily Planet, Tricycle Gardens, Richmond Peace Education Center, Circle of Friends School, and Hands On Greater Richmond. And Moody and Henrico High students shared how they applied their individual passions to affect real change in the community and in the world.

Bounce is thrilled to be a part of these young people's journeys to becoming leaders of their own lives and builders of a better world!

Where did it come from?

Bounce — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 11:54:43 +0000

Creating what I call, "Communities of Learning", has been a constant theme in my work since 2006. Over the weekend I discovered it has really been a constant theme in my life since 1982 and there is one courageous and compassionate person that I have to thank for that - my Dad!

No matter the fun and fancy names (Community of Citizens, Women's Leadership Community, The Workbox, Learning Circle, Teachers as Learners, Leaders as Learners) all of these Communities of Learning share a similarity - the space for people to feel safe expressing themselves fully and feel challenged to become all of who they are.

This past weekend, while coming off of the unbelievable launch of Leaders as Learners (our most recent Leadership Learning Community), my curiosity got the best of me and thank goodness it did!

I thought to myself, "When did this all start for me? What experience did I have that made this work feel like a part of my DNA rather than work?" As I reflected, I remember saying to myself, "I wished it was school and it wasn't. I wished it was home and it wasn't. I wished it was my swim team, my tennis team and it wasn't. I wished it was the business world and it wasn't." So what was it? And on queue in came a visual of my dad's face, like a beautiful cloud floating across a clear blue sky. And as clear as the sky was in the visual so was the answer to my question - it was AA.

As a young girl, 10 to be exact, I was invited to accompany my dad to his Sunday morning Serenity meeting. Every Sunday we would head out to breakfast and then to the old Holiday Inn on Broad Street to meet up with his newly found AA family. I met so many cool people - men and women, young and old, rich and poor, famous and infamous, black and white - and listened to them courageously share their stories, parts of which they were not proud of, for the sake of their own growth and the growth and recovery of their fellow AA member. It was an amazing place where I experienced (maybe for the first time in my life) zero judgement, complete acceptance, and full transparency - something I have since learned are some of the key ingredients to creating a powerful Learning Community.

Dad - from the bottom of my heart, Thank you! YOU are a fabulous, courageous, compassionate human being and I am grateful that you did and continue to share your AA experience with me. You could have hid it or kept it all for yourself and instead you opened up and shared it with me. That experience, more than any other, has impacted me and my understanding of what it means to create a safe space for learning. A space that allows someone to come and be exactly who and where they are without judgement, with boundaries, and most of all with love. Thank you for modeling what it is like to be vulnerable while at the same time confident, for trusting me, for teaching me about love, acceptance, and courage, and exposing me to a very powerful community of learning that many people might have been scared to share with their ten year old "little girl".

I believe we all deserve to experience this kind of environment and I look forward to the continued opportunity to create them!

Worth the Wait

Bounce — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 02:03:07 +0000

One of my heroes lives next door. She doesn’t have any super powers (other than the strongest capacity to love I’ve ever encountered) and she doesn’t wear a cape (and if she did, it would have baby spit up on it), but she radiates a quiet courage that is absolutely spellbinding. My hero’s name is Heather Handy Hayes.

Heather has a speech impediment. And the letter sound she is most challenged by is “H.” (I’ll give you a second to let the cruel irony sink in). When I first met Heather, it took her a half a minute to say, “Hi, I’m Heather Handy Hayes.” I fell in love with her immediately.

You might think that my friend would have chosen a profession in which she didn’t have to talk. Nope. Heather is a high school English teacher. She is inspired by words. And she is passionate about sharing her love for language and literature with her students. Truly, she is a rare and gifted educator.

The other day, Heather was sharing a funny classroom story in which she had to discipline a spirited young man. As she recounted her words to him, I was amazed by the fluidity of her speech. “Girl,” I said, “you are definitely at your best in righteous teacher mode!” To which she responded, “You should hear me yell at my husband.”

Later, I thought about Heather standing up in front of her students. How lucky are those young people to witness such courageous leadership everyday! And not just because of her speech difficulty--Heather’s empowering presence creates space for others to shine. She doesn’t’ even have to say the words for her students to hear, “You can be anything you want to be.”

Heather is one of those rare friends to whom I can confide anything. When I come to her in dry heaving mode before a public speaking event, she just smiles. You see, Heather thrives in the public speaking domain, making frequent presentations for different non-profits she supports. Once, when I questioned her about her fearlessness, she shared her father’s words to her as a little girl.

“Heather,” he would say in his finest southern gentleman’s drawl, “if people can’t wait for you to put your words together, then they aren’t worth talking to.”

Mr. Handy knew that his daughter was worth the wait. And now, so does the rest of the world.

Happy Birthday, sweet friend….

The Art of Possibility-- A MUST Read!

Bounce — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 10:40:58 +0000

Here at Bounce, Benjamin Zander and Rosamund Stone Zander are emotional intelligence superheroes! In their bestselling book, The Art of Possibility, they inspire and empower readers with 12 practices that have the capactiy to transform how we live, love, and lead. Here's a taste of their wisdom (straight from the book)...

The Art of Possibility (Zander, Rosamund Stone and Zander, Benjamin; Harvard Business School Press, 2000)

1) It’s all Invented

Every problem only appears unsolvable inside a particular frame or point of view. Enlarge the box and new opportunities appear.What assumption am I making that I’m not aware I’m making that gives me what I see?What might I now invent that I haven’t yet invented that would give me other choices?

2) The Universe of Possibility

The world of measurement is where there are scarcities of time, money, power, love—this is a world of hierarchies—comparing/contrasting. The universe of possibility is where relationships are highlighted—joy, grace, awe, wholeness, passion, compassion—in this world, we forget ourselves and become part of all being. True inquiry: how are my thoughts and actions at this moment reflections of the measurement world—how can I shift to the world of possibility?

3) Giving an A

“Inside every block of stone dwells a beautiful statue—one need only remove the excess material to reveal the work of art within.” (Michelangelo)—the practice of chipping away to find the leader within is giving an A—transporting us from the world of measurement to the world of possibility. When we give an A, we relate to others from a place of respect that gives them room to realize themselves as works of art. The A is not an expectation to live up to, but a possibility to live into.

4) Being a Contribution

Inventing a new “dinner table/classroom game” Instead of, “what did you achieve today?” we ask, “How were you a contribution today?” When we affirm that “I am a contribution,” we shift our focus from self concern to relationship. We are leaders when we view our work as a contribution vs. an arena for success.

5) Leading from any Chair

--no small parts/only small actors—all of us ARE meaningful contributions

6) Don’t Take Yourself so Seriously

--Lightening up and shifting from the world of measurement into the world of possibility--We come to know ourselves as the personality we get recognition for—“the calculating self”—when we peel the layers of the calculating self, we find our “central self” (true you)

7) The Way Things Are

Avoid using the word “should;” practice substituting “but” with “and” -- shifting our language launches us out of downward spiral talk and into the world of possibility.

8) Giving Way to Passion

Participate—open up and dance your passion with the world!

9) Lighting a Spark

When we issue an invitation and hear “no,” we can instead hear, “I don’t see a spark of possibility here so I think I’ll stick with my usual way of doing things.” That is an invitation for enrollment, for us to share our passion and ignite another with the excitement of possibility. We operate on the premise that everyone wants to be enrolled—even if they don’t realize it yet.

10) Being the Board

In this game of life, we are not just one of the pieces that move around the board—we are the board—we invented the game. So that when something happens, we don’t blame, feel victimized, enter the world of measurement—instead we say “how did this get on the board that I am.” Instead of focusing on what was done or not done, when you name yourself as the board, you turn your attention to repairing the breakdown in the relationship.

11) Creating Frameworks for Possibility

The concept of vision—illustrates leadership where harmony sets the tone, not division or competition. We must look at conflicts as simply “getting off track” and then we can refocus our attention on our vision to get back on track.

12) Telling the WE story

--reclaiming “the other” as one of us. We recognize that the human being is never the enemy—revenge, pride, greed, fear, etc. are the “monsters” that sit on our shoulders and must be identified as inhuman forces that are separate from our goodness. When we can embrace this notion, WE come together to create possibility.

Want more? Check out Benjamin Zander on youtube!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9LCwI5iErE&feature=email

Yawn!

Bounce — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 16:55:40 +0000

Can't help yourself, can you? Don't worry, you're not being rude! You are illustrating your emotional intelligence and your capacity to connect with another human being.

And that's not all...

According to Dr, Andrew Newberg, yawning is one of the best kept secrets in neuroscience. It reduces anxiety; enhances social awareness, compassion, and communication; and it heightens cognitive focus.

Dr. Newberg's advice is simple, "Yawn as many times a day as possible: when you wake up, when you’re confronting a difficult problem at work, when you prepare to go to sleep, and whenever you feel anger, anxiety, or stress. Yawn before giving an important talk, yawn before you take a test, and yawn while you meditate or pray because it will intensify your spiritual experience."

A Simple Question

Bounce — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 19:17:08 +0000

I wonder

What if?

These questions may never be answered.

Or will they?

We all wait

for some scientist to solve them,

but what if the famous scientists thought that way too?

So be the one

that answers the question

instead of sitting here wondering

if this question is going to be

answered

Alex Markiewicz, 6th grader, Leader and Poet :)

Igniting a Leadership Spark!

Bounce — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 01:13:20 +0000

On Tuesday, October 5th, "Leaders as Learners", a Bounce leadership development program that simultaneously serves the leaders of today and the leaders of tomorrow, kicked off!

Twelve leaders from Pfizer, Higher Achievement, Capital One, Richmond City Schools, Kaleidoscope Collaborative, Martin Agency, Alicia Farrell LLC, Virginia Credit Union, and Richmond Education Foundation gathered for their first two days of a nine month long exploration of what truly sets leaders apart - emotional intelligence and ones ability to manage with their heads and lead from their hearts.

After experiencing the first two days of the program, one leader shared, "The past two days were truly fantastic! You created a fantastic space and environment for creating a very powerful community...probably one of the more powerful experiences I've ever been through!"

Beginning in November, this group of leaders (and learners) will have their own opportunity to create a powerful learning community and lead by influence when they begin working with 330 6th graders at Moody Middle School to ignite their sparks by connecting who these students are to how they will make a difference in the world.

Leading Ladies BOUNCE!

Bounce — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 20:45:33 +0000

On Monday, October 4, Bounce for Girls kicked off at Holton Elementary School. Led by youth development director, Nicki Peasley, 14 4th and 5th grade girls began their journeys to becoming leaders of their own lives.

We have named ourselves, The Leading Ladies (who are also lovely lions--Holton's mascot). For 8 sessions, these ladies will explore how to authentically relate to themselves, compassionately connect with each other, and courageously contribute to the world.

We BOUNCE through rituals that bridge our differences, affrimations that remind us of our goodness, tools that help us navigate our relationships, and appreciations that inspire us to recognize the beauty in each other.

That's how we roll in Bounce....

Labyrinth...The Journey Begins

Bounce — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 01:29:53 +0000

On Saturday, October 2, "Labyrinth," the Bounce leadership program for mothers and daughters, held its opening ceremony. The fresh beauty of this autumn morning embraced these travelers as they embarked on their new journey together.

For the past two years, seventeen 6th grade girls have been navigating their inner landscapes and supporting each other in "girls circles," led by Bounce youth develepment director Nicki Peasley. While the circle evokes imagery of wholeness and unity, the labyrinth calls for personal growth and transformation. Combining the two is a means to our ultimate understanding of how we fit in the world. Through involving the girls' mothers and grandmothers this year, Labyrinth will foster an even greater opportunity for personal and relationship growth. Further, Nicki and new co-facilitator, Dawn Coleman, are also adding a community service component as they challenge the girls to live the question: Based on what I've learned about myself and my fellow travelers, how can my individual voice and the collective voice of Labyrinth make a difference in the world?

After experiencing the labyrinth at the opening ceremony, one mother observed, “I loved that we were all walking in many different directions, yet we were all on the same path. Some walked quickly, others slowly, but we all made it to our own center.”

And that's what Labyrinth is all about...

The Voice of a Leader

Bounce — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 23:27:37 +0000

2010 Peace Essay Contest
1st Place: Kenny Xu, gr. 7, Moody MS (Henrico Co.)

"We may have different religions, different languages, different colored skin, but we all belong to the same human race."

- Kofi Annan, Ghana Native and Secretary General of the United Nations

A coral reef, flourishing with rich, radiant colors, is not only admired for its aesthetic pleasure. It is also the poster child of biodiversity, its flora and fauna living in harmony, blooming with life. Every clump of coral and every creature has a place in the reef, no matter what they are.

So then why cannot humans, being the smartest animals on Earth, learn to respect and accept each other's place unconditionally, and perform the way a coral reef does? In reality, the reason why America has become such a great county is because of its diversity. Instead of just one dominant culture, we have many people from different countries with different skills and talents, and each person weaves a strand into the American fabric that is so unique, that no other quilt could have so many colors. However, many of us still refuse to acknowledge that. In the United States, this is unacceptable.

And why?

It seemed that beautiful America, finally emerging victoriously, grasping the battered American flag, had at last escaped the tyrannical tiger, King George III, and his ravenous army. However, to the African-American race, the tyranny lived on, binding them in the fields, forcing them to pluck corn with their bony fingers to feed the fat hands of their masters. Their life was crippled with pain and misery, just to benefit the pockets of the white overlord. This led the white "Americans" to get the notion of supremacy towards the darker-skinned people. Fueled by America's intense nationalism, those men began to think of them as superior to any other ethnic group, not just race. And that vile discrimination still holds strong today, even after all of the other ethnic groups have secured their freedom. This is why we must act.

But no matter how many bundles of bills are swept through Congress, in order for our country to truly build more respect to diverse cultures, we, as an individual, need to act first. We must learn to respect our diversity, for it is our diversity that glorifies America. In order to do so, as an individual, we should relinquish our stereotypes . Mass media and pop culture have italicized the generalization of entire ethnic groups based on only a small amount of people. I am an oriental-skinned person, and I have been through the snickers of people who think that we are all considered "nerds and bookworms", which I firmly disagree. The most important step to respecting our diversity is to take every person not at their face value, but at their real value.

Why do Americans sneer at the poverty in Africa, calling it a hoax and refusing to do anything? Because, sitting in their comfortable couches, knowing about as much of Africa as quantum mechanics, they have not realized the horrible, daunting truth of another culture, seemingly another world. That is why that in order to really understand people of different cultures, we must educate ourselves about them. As Muslim activist Ali Bin Abu-Talib said, "There is no wealth like knowledge, no poverty like ignorance." And with the birth of the Internet Age, information is easier and faster to collect. Therefore, it is completely fitting to educate ourselves about other cultures. Why would one laugh at a Muslim's turban if they know that they wear their headdresses to represent their religion and class? Once we educate ourselves in the customs of other ethnicities, acceptance and fairness will come naturally, as we already know their traditions, and we will be able to communicate with them more easily.

However, once we have learned to appreciate America's vast diversity, as a community, it is now our duty to advocate our respect for different cultures and ethnicities. When there are divisions between ethnic groups, such as the superiority division between white and black Americans before the 1960's, if a community truly believes in respect of our diversity rather than adherence like glue to their own traditions, then they must act. It has been said that there is "strength in numbers." In the Civil Rights movement, entire groups of African-Americans tired of injustice organized sit-ins and boycotts. Today, our community can do the same by writing articles about the hardships faced by other ethnic groups, or organizing inclusive events that allow so many people to get to know other people of different cultures. When a community advocates the respect for our diversity, it will have the same effect to everyone: an enlightening inspiration to others.

In America, major reforms in the past century on human rights have already been imposed. However, as a country, the most change is yet to come. According to the Census Bureau, the white population in America is expected to be reduced to only 50%, while Hispanic and Asian "minorities" are expected to triple in population. Now, the importance of respecting our diversity becomes greater than ever, with such a fluctuation of ethnic groups. Media, however, seems to care less. There are many shows on TV and the Internet that rant about religions, cackle about color, and taunt traditions like they are trash. Though freedom of the press upholds them, such radical shows need to be halted. The government, if nothing else, needs to cry out and strike the beast at its heart, imposing laws that will ban such discriminating entertainment.

All in all, living in a world of diversity allows one to experience the Earth and its people at its fullest, from every angle. America, her flag a universal symbol of liberty, will not truly give freedom until we show the conviction to give freedom ourselves. Only then are we a reef, ready to take on whatever challenges that lay before us -- together.

Polarity Management - A concept whose time has come!

Bounce — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 00:50:56 +0000

Ann Deaton and Kelly Lewis just spent a few days in DC with an amazing group of coaches and consultants learning about Polarity Management - a concept whose time has come!

In today's culture we are taught to define all difficult situations as problems that can be fixed. The truth is some "problems" are on-going and can never be solved in the traditional sense. These are polarities - situations in which both conflicting points of view are true.

Intuitively we all know that:

Leaders need to be conservative for stability and revolutionary for change
Managers and employees need training and must do their work
We all need to generate results and nurture the relationships in our life
All of us are faced with work commitments and home commitments

Yet what we (Ann and Kelly) didn't know was that none of the above are really problems to solve by choosing one and neglecting the other. They are what we call polarities which are unavoidable and unsolvable. The on-going, natural tension between them can be destructive and debilitating or can be managed and channeled into a creative synergy that leads to superior outcomes.

The challenge of leadership and sometimes life makes a little more sense today! We can't wait to share this powerful perspective with our clients to help them make an even bigger impact!

Your list of Blog posts

Bounce — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 18:32:49 +0000

Grab a pencil and scrap piece of paper. This blog is interactive baby!

(hold on to that pencil, some background is needed first!) Some story - As I experience my life, I often find myself quickly reflecting on and framing up those experiences as a potential blog article I am due to write for our Bounce blog. Something will happen, and I'll get all excited and say "cool, that would make a wonderful blog." A few days later I'll go "oh, wait, that will make a cooler blog," and finally "holy cow, that was awesome and I already can see the words forming on that blog."

Taking a momentary step back and considering this at a higher level, I realize that I have created a powerful subconscious tool that I use as a measuring stick for my unique experiences in life.

Taking this to the practical sense, if I choose to observe the experiences that I want to blog about - what emerges is an amazing tool that informs me in many ways!!!!!

Whew.

Let's do the extremes. If I go 2 weeks and have nothing to blog about, the pattern I would notice is that I "had no experiences in the past 2 weeks that I was excited to share with anyone" and would conclude "wow, Jay, what the heck? Were you hibernating? Overwhelmed? Inauthentic?" If I go 2 weeks and have 6 (8,20???) solid topics to blog about, the pattern I would notice is that I "had 2 weeks full of life and excitement, passion, and values" and would conclude "wow, Jay, that was two weeks full of life! Sweet!"

I discovered this blog tool yesterday, as I was struggling to pick the experience in my life that I wanted to blog about from the following list:

Blue Ridge Relay 10 mile night run up Grandfather Mountain
Van ride home from the relay where a new friendship was forged with a deep and impacting connection
11 mile trail run with a close friend where we discovered a new R^2 equation to describe our state of peace (really, this one is waaaaaay cool!)
A fear based story that emerged when in conversation with Kelly and Ann around the future of Bounce
A day of visioning and strategizing with Kelly and Ann where an awesome triangle dynamic was found to be present between the 3 of us
The internal conflict I was in when deciding between running a marathon and attending Micalister's flag football game
My elation when I had an evening open up when another commitment was cancelled....etc, etc, etc....

The pattern that emerges from that list of blog posts.....uhm....robust, fulfilling, growth, challenge, authentic, LIVING!

Your turn!

Take out that scrap piece of paper and your pencil. Reflect on the last 2 weeks of your life and write down the list of experiences that you want to blog about.

Using this list as a measuring stick of your LIVING, what do you notice?

Tink!

Bounce — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 12:21:45 +0000

Here’s a little bit of my crazy. My fear has a face… and an orange body and wiry hair and a wild expression. Yes, I have personified my fear in hopes that, in time, he will become my friend.

This really isn’t such a crazy concept. World renowned author Eckhart Tolle encourages his readers to imagine the physical appearance of their “pain bodies." One of my gurus, T sultrim Allione lays out a 5 step process of “feeding one’s demons.” Even my 11-year-old (not yet crazy) daughter has used this tool to come to terms with her “stuff.”

Last week, I was thinking about the power of this concept and what a great blog post it would make. I asked my daughter if I could share the face and name of her fear and she declined, gracefully offering, “Why don’t you share your fear, Mom… isn’t that what Bounce is all about?” Glaring at her, I realized that she was right. It would have been so much easier to write objectively about the face of another’s fear, but the universe --and my daughter-- have challenged me, so here goes. (Deeeeep breath).

I am afraid of the dark, the dark that might live in me. I am a light worker. Love and purity define me—and (I’m afraid) so do shadows and obscurity. Intellectually, I understand the polarity of the human experience. Emotionally, I can’t get my heart around the idea that darkness just might live in me (You see? I can’t even make a firm declaration that it does).

As I pondered the face of my fear, I realized that, unlike my daughter, I had not yet given him a name. No, up until this week, I have not yet been ready to formally invite this fear to the party. I thought it was enough to acknowledge him and “feed” him occasionally. And then he was back in the closet so that I could return to my perpetual happy hour of a life. Certainly, giving him a name would put us in friendly territory. And the notion of allowing my dark to casually mingle with my LIGHT just didn’t seem natural.

But, alas… in the spirit of Bounce (and awareness and growth and love and all the stuff that gets me out of bed in the morning), I decided that it was time to give my fear a name. I closed my eyes, conjured his image in my mind, and his orange tinker toy shaped body brought his name effortlessly to my lips. “Tink,” I heard myself declare. And I laughed out loud, tears of sweet revelation streaming down my face.

OK, now you really think I’m crazy so let me explain. For me, fairies represent all that is lovely and pure. The true light workers of the world, fairies, like TINKERBELL(aka Tink!) symbolize the polar opposite of my fear (although if we really analyze Tinkerbell, she’s got some shadows of her own, but I digress). What an awesome revelation! Indeed, the cosmic chuckling was deafening. Yes, Tink is the light AND Tink is the dark. They both live in me as one. Without the dark, there could be no light. I am whole!

So, you may still think I’m a little crazy and I can live with that. What matters is that my light and my dark are now starting to work and play together. The relationship is new and they’ve hit a few hurdles. But dark Tink is now welcome at the party as long as he doesn’t use his strength and persistence to create fear. And light Tink has taken him under her wing (literally) to show him the way to love and light. And me, I’m just enjoying my happy hour.

So, what does your fear look like? Are you ready to invite him to the party?

Making Room

Bounce — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 00:58:29 +0000

"Are you making room for me?", a friendly neighbor asked me this morning as Jack and I were on a morning run. A wonderful question that took me back to last week and the learning that was right in front of me yet I didn't see until just now!

It was Wednesday and I was heading up to D.C. for the kick off of Georgetown's Leadership Coaching Cohort #30. I was so excited to meet all of the new students and to see all of my Georgetown colleagues.

In true Kelly fashion I successfully packed (like my suitcase when I am heading to New York for a girls weekend) all that I could possibly fit into Wednesday morning before heading out of town:

I got up at 5:00 am and went to my 5:45 am cycling class.
I ran in the house at 7:00 got ready, packed my bag, kissed Glenn and the pups goodbye
Headed to the Workbox for my 8:00 am meeting with Ann, Jay, and Nicki to discuss our data and measurement strategy - a robust, passionate discussion with big thinking, lots of possibility, a few disagreements and something we each cared about deeply (not necessarily a casual breakfast meeting over a Krispy Kreme!)
Our 8:00 ran over and before I knew it it was 10:15 (I was supposed to be on the road 20 minutes ago)
I was late for a 10:00 phone call I had scheduled to take on the road with Alicia about our social media strategy
I missed my "phone date" with my best friend Dawn (this is like not having room for your favorite pair of shoes in your suitcase) which I had also scheduled to do on my way up to D.C. since it had been a week since we had really caught up

Needless to say when I left the Workbox that morning I was a bit frazzled (heck I can feel the stress and my heart beating fast as I write this now:)) and flew out the door. I headed up 95 with the sunroof open, singing along with Michael Franti which always puts a smile back on my face. I arrived at Georgetown on time (I kept up with the flow of traffic), with a smile in my heart, sun on my face, and feeling rather relaxed. I reached over to grab my bag and SMACK. I realized I left my entire Georgetown file (all of my planning, thinking, agenda - basically my "binky" as my friend and hero Mike called it) on the pine table at the Workbox. After I sat in my car for 10 minutes and worked through sheer panic, anger, complete disgust and every four letter word in the book, I called my peeps back in Richmond who helped me devise a plan which successfully got the file to Georgetown on Thursday - thank you Jay, Tanya, and Mike!

This morning, I realized that the question my neighbor posed was also what that soft yet confident voice inside of me had been trying to tell me for the last month, "Make some space for yourself, Kelly", it was saying. My suitcase has been well over 50 pounds for a while and this morning I took some time to listen, to unpack, and to repack - this time making some different choices about: How I wanted to make room for Me!

In my calendar - to give me time to breathe and room to consciously choose
In my life - to enjoy the people I love
In my home - to have fun with Glenn and allow the time and room to create our new home space
In my work - to welcome the unexpected surprises and endless possibilities
In my heart - to cultivate compassion and trust
In my mind - to experience stillness and quiet so I can listen to that soft, confident voice
In my body - to be present in the moment rather than back there or out there
In myself - for in myself lives my authentic self - the greatest gift I can give others

While having a jammed pack suitcase can make me feel safe and in control it doesn't allow much room for adventure and possibility. So I am going to give this a try for a while and see how it goes! And while I am at it, I would love to hear how you are making room for YOU this week!!

If you are a boss, protect your people

Bounce — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 00:47:26 +0000

In the September 2010 issue of the Harvard Business Review, Robert Sutton's article "The Boss as Human Shield" is chock full of tips for bosses in how to protect their employees from intrusions that keep them from being productive. Sutton points out that "When you plant a seed, you don't dig it up every week to see how it's doing." Yet some bosses saddle their employees with too many meetings, too little respect and way too many hoops to jump through to get their jobs done. You'll appreciate reading Sutton's entire article. But until you do, here are some tips from Sutton:

If you call a meeting, be on time. It shows respect to others.
Create the mutual trust and safety necessary so that people can disagree with one another (and you) constructively.
When someone makes the occasional mistake, even a significant one, take the heat for them instead of throwing them under the bus.

What are the other things you do to protect your workers so that they can focus on being productive? What positive impact does your commitment have on your employees' loyalty and engagement?

Positive emotions promote productivity

Bounce — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 01:02:58 +0000

Positive emotions don't just feel good; they help us do good work. Studies show a correlation between positive emotions and creativity. Creativity is one of four critical elements in determining productivity. One of the best ways we can support another person in being creative is to recognize their work. This goes for bosses, parents, friends, and coworkers. A bonus: the creativity bonus from positive emotions lasts for several days, making it a valuable investment of your time to recognize others.

Resource: Amabile, T. & Kramer, S. Inner Work Life: Understanding the Subtext of Business Performance. Harvard Business Review.

The Surprising Truth about What Motivates Us

Bounce — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 01:34:19 +0000

Think you would perform better if someone offered you a lot of money to do well? You might be surprised by a recent YouTube video that shows that motivation is a lot more complex than that. A reward can work reasonably well to improve performance on simple tasks, but check out the video to see what happens when the challenge is not so easy.

TrePadges - You Bounce!!!

Bounce — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 14:36:13 +0000

On Thursday, September 17th, TrePadges hosted their 10th Annual TrePadges Invitational on behalf of Bounce!

TrePadges, a charitable organization started by a group of childhood friends, raised over $20,000 on Thursday supporting our efforts to bring emotional intelligence and leadership development to our communities young people, educators, and parents!

Thank you to TrePadges as well as the community members, small businesses, and local organizations for your support!

The gift and shadow of competition

Bounce — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 01:12:22 +0000

We live in a competitive world, and that is a good thing. Competition makes us better. It enables us to see, understand, and value our differences. Competition focuses our attention, and makes us put forth our best effort.

Parade Magazine highlights the wonderful aspects of competition in Kate Meyer’s August 29 article on the intense rivalry of tennis greats Chris Evert and Martina Navratilova. Facing each other 80 times over fifteen years, the two women competed intensely, thereby contributing to one another’s greatness. They demonstrate that competition is a good thing.

On the other hand, competition is an awful thing. Competition creates winners and losers. It suggests that there is a best way to be, instead of acknowledging there are many ways for us to be our best.

Collaboration, in contrast to competition, can offer win-win results. When we approach our differences as an opportunity to learn, collaboration creates a result that is better than either of us would achieve alone. Competition is about power over others; collaboration is about power with others. Competition can cause some people to shut down, and stop offering their gifts to the world, even while others are thriving. So competition is not always a good thing.

I found a fascinating site on the web recently, and it had to do with whether competition in our schools is harmful or helpful. Many good points were made on each side, and the site even allowed readers to vote. I won’t spoil it for you by telling you how the voting turned out, but suffice it to say that the results were very lopsided. It made me realize that Evert and Navratilova really had it right in their relationship. As intensely as these tennis stars competed, they also became great friends, allies, and advocates for one another. They motivated each other in their competition, yet they also made a conscious decision to root for, comfort, challenge, and support each other. They found a way to combine competition and collaboration, and in doing so they became their best selves.

What about you?

Where are you competing in your life when collaboration would give you a better result?
Are there situations where you are avoiding competition out of fear?
How can you get the benefits of both competition and collaboration?

When times are tough, what should organizations do?

Bounce — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 01:52:27 +0000

How do you know what to do when your organization is struggling? My good friend and leadership expert Kristin Kaufman recently blogged about how to maximize an organizations' success in the midst of challenging times. Read Kristin's blog for her suggestions for reviving your organziation. One tip to begin: Get everyone on the same page first! Create a sense of common vision and purpose so that you have a strong foundation for moving forward together. A common vision won't make the work of revitalizing your organization easy, but it will make it possible.

Living Life Flat... No Thanks, Stanley

Bounce — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 22:32:12 +0000

Flat Stanley is a beloved children’s book series about a boy who navigates through his life in a flat state, literally—he can slide under doors, fly like a kite, and even mail himself all over the world! My 3rd grader and I enjoyed reading about Stanley’s adventures and sharing our reflections at our mother-daughter book club meeting on Sunday.

“What would your life be like if you were flat?” I was inspired by the imaginations of these 8-year-old girls as they pondered the places they would go, the adventures they would pursue, the mischief they would create. Watching them pile on top of each other, in pursuit of physical flatness, I began to ponder what life would be like to be flat in terms of our integral humanness.

We humans are blessed and cursed with a multitude of mental, emotional, spiritual, and yes, physical layers. The density of the mortal experience is both exhilarating and exhausting. While a part of me longs for the simplicity of a flat existence, I am learning to embrace the complex dimensions that make me who I am.

Recently, my 11-year-old came to me, overwhelmed by her fears. “Nobody else has to deal with this stuff,” she said, “Nobody else worries like me.” With my big girl on my lap, I assured her and reminded myself that there is not a single person on the planet who doesn’t have “stuff.” We are all breathing layers of fear and shadows, joy and light.

For me, this perspective on the human condition is liberating. One of my deepest values is transparency and I long for my truths to shine through purely and authentically in every interaction I experience. However, I am thick with truths and some of them conflict with each other. I am a messy work in progress and until I can embrace all my layers, I am not being true to my integral humanness.

‘I am love’ is my favorite affirmation. It is pure and beautiful and I so want it to define me-- and some of the time, it does. And some of the time (as my adoring husband would confirm), ‘I am a pain in the a_ _.’ And that, too, is pure and beautiful and part of who I am. I am all of it.

This layer perspective might also help us in our relationships. Instead of viewing a fellow human being in a negative light, why not look at our issue with that person as a single layer of his complexity? Certainly, this issue (whatever it is) does not define who the person is. Just like my occasional “pain in the a_ _ness” does not define me. It is simply one of my many layers.

Yes, living life flat would have its perks (as Stanley discovered), but living with messy layers is a lot more interesting!

Emotional Chaos in Flag Football

Bounce — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 18:39:57 +0000

I have the dutiful honor and highest importance of being an assistant coach for my son's, the Micster's, flag football team! Yes, really, flag football is that significant - at least, that is the conclusion I come to after what I observed and experienced during our very first football game...

This is my first year coaching football, and honestly, I don't really know a lot about coaching football nor what to expect (insert side note here - I have this immortal ability to know all of the right answers that Mike Tomlin, the coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers, is lacking to see as he coaches the greatest team in NFL history!)

Back to flag football. Here are my observations of those around me during the flag football game:

The opposing coach took his ball cap and threw it angrily on the ground because a Touchdown was called back due to holding, while adding loud boisterous commentary like "are you kidding me?"
A mother angrily grabbed her child after the game to whisk him away grumbling something about "you didn't play enough."
At least 3 players on our team came to tears because of reasons including, not limited to; messing up, other team scoring, getting overly roughed up on a play...
Our coaching staff yelled a little too much when expecting our players to know their position, when chaotically running in substitutes from the sidelines between play.

Here is the reflection and awareness of myself during the game:

I struggle coaching my son because I so dearly want him to do well in his passion (he absolutely loves flag football). This struggle opens up blind spots that I have around patience. And here is the kicker - this is "my story" in that I think my son wants is to perform at some "expectation level" in order for him to enjoy his passion. Ugh.
I can't keep track of the game, player positions, what down it is, where we are on the field. We have 30 excitable 6-7 year olds on a team that can play only 11 at once, so subbing is a logistical nightmare. This creates confusion for me, testing my ability to perform with agility and calmness.

Folks, flag football is full of emotional chaos! Anger, frustration, impatience, sadness, joy, ecstasy, thrill, agony (remember the old school commercials - the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat?)

Let's then conclude that emotion is a given during all levels of sports play, seeing we have so much of it in flag football (imagine the emotions of a coach who's salary is dependent on his team's performance, or the parent of a child at a level competing for the Olympics)

Here is the gap - with all of that emotion, where is the focus on how to act and respond while in emotion? In bounce speak - where is the focus on emotional intelligence? Where is the offer of assistance where the opposing coach gains an awareness and understanding of his internal self and is able to keep his ball cap on his head and shift his voice to "that was awesome guys, and when we hold the other team we will get a penalty." What life lesson was learned, and could have instead been learned, by his and our team of 6-7 year old boys and girls - not to mention the 150 people watching the game?

How do you respond in emotion during your child's game?

I couldn't be more certain about my declaration to merge the domain of sports (athlete and coach) with the Bounce mission of bringing out the leader within every young person, woman, and man. And maybe, just maybe, adults and kids can step into their best self during the times of emotion that apparently are so prevalent during our youth sport's programs.

Today is YOUR First Day of School!

Bounce — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 00:15:46 +0000

Ahhhhh, the first day of school… at 8 am, the morning is brimming with anticipation. Outfits are carefully selected; pencils freshly sharpened; tummies are full of oatmeal and butterflies. As my kids dutifully pose for their first day of school photo, I am plagued by my own maternal growing pains. My babies aren’t babies anymore—at 6, 8, and 10 years old, their wings are beginning to flap. And my job as the mama bird is to let them to fly.

At 9 am, after tearfully passing my chicks off to their teachers, I find myself standing outside, staring at the beautiful old school house that holds a universe of possibility for its inhabitants. On the sidewalk leading to the red doors of Fox Elementary School are motivational messages written the previous night by a chalk mob of mama birds—“Fox Rocks and YOU are the star…YOU SHINE!” I smile, so grateful for this place that will help my kids discover their unique potential and learn how to fly.

Then, I smile even wider when I realize that I am FREE for the next 6 hours. I have my own learning to pursue. Indeed, there is a planet of possibility out there full of teachers eager to foster my growth as a human being. My classroom is my home, my community, my planet. I am a star, too. I shine! So, where will I begin my education on this first day of school?

In my basement doing laundry. Sorry for the anticlimax, but my house is in dire need of some attention after a busy and messy summer of kids. Plus, I do my best meditating while cleaning, lulled by the sound of the vacuum cleaner and the toilet scrubber. Today, I am content in the stillness of my own wisdom. I am my own classroom.

As an adult learner, my teachers have come in many forms. I’ve had the traditional teachers—the laughing yoga instructor, the drum circle leader, the spirit dance guide, the hula hooping expert. Well, perhaps traditional isn’t an accurate description for these amazing human beings who have helped me connect to my inner-most joy.

Then there are the teachers whose books are piled high on my bedside table. These are the philosophers who help guide me on my life’s path, imparting daily inspiration and wisdom. For their voices, I am eternally grateful.

Lastly, there are the teachers who my friend Kelly calls our “development angels.” These are the people in our lives who create conflicts and challenges through which we learn and grow. They are often the people we love the most like the daughter I took back-to-school shoe shopping yesterday. These shoe shopping moments are the ones that define our character. The physical and emotional restraint I practiced was impressive (if I do say so myself) and as a result, we both grew and learned (and agreed that next time, her grandmother will take her shoe shopping).

Just took a writing break to clean out my closet. Under some dirty clothes, I discovered my kids “school boxes,” where I kept all the treasures and milestone documentation from the previous school year. My son’s name in beans; my 2nd grader’s letter to Santa Claus; and my oldest daughter’s self-critique on her dance performance.

After shedding a few tears (those maternal growing pains are tough to tame), I decided that I deserve a “school box” of my own this year. Yes, I am a student of life and I want to document my expanding wisdom on the mortal experience. So up to the attic I went to search for the biggest box I could find. I labeled it in bright pink: Nicki’s Coursework in Human Being, 38th Year. A copy of this blog post and a picture of my clean house will be my first contributions to my box.

Indeed, it is imperative that we adults view the world as our classroom and everyday as our first day of school. When we stop seeking knowledge and experiences that foster our growth, we become stagnant. When we can’t see the potential learning in challenging situations, we miss the point of being alive. Yes, we are all students, teachers, and shining stars in this course called Human Being.

So, what did you learn today on YOUR first day of school?

A moment of truth on the river

Bounce — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 22:16:06 +0000

Several years ago (as a student of LEAN methodology while working at Capital One) I learned the 5 Whys technique as a way to determine the root cause of a problem. And me being me, I quickly began applying this wonderful question of "Why?" to increase my self awareness.

I am guessing that asking "Why?" may be a favorite technique of your three year old in driving you crazy but it always teaches me a valuable lesson. This weekend while hanging out on the beautiful Piankatank River, I found myself pausing to ask "Why?" with curiosity and objectivity (as opposed to with judgement and the right answer which I also know how to do). This time the 5 Whys took the shape of the 3 specific Whys (Why This? Why Now? Why Me?) and what follows are a couple of reflections and some personal truths that came from my moment on the river.

WHY THIS?

Reflection: March 2001 - It was a cold Saturday in March that I remember like yesterday. I was at home doing some research on this "new to me" topic called Emotional Intelligence (EQ) that I had been exploring with my coach at work. I stumbled across an article "Emotional Intelligence Is the Missing Piece" written by some really smart people of the completely fabulous organization called Edutopia. I came across statements like, "Emotionally intelligent individuals stand out. Their ability to empathize, preserve, control impulses, make thoughtful decisions, solve problems, and work with others earns them friends and success. They tend to lead happier lives, with more satisfying relationships. At work, they are more productive and spur productivity in others. At school, they do better on standardized tests and help create a safe, comfortable classroom atmosphere that makes it easier to learn.", and immediately I knew this had been the missing piece in my learning, leadership, and life.

My personal truth: I believe EQ is the attribute that takes us from good from great. And each and every one of us - young or grown up - can increase our emotionally intelligence. I believe EQ is the only attribute we possess that is flexible and can change and grow over time (as compared to IQ and personality). and when we choose to increase our EQ we experience our work and our lives with greater impact, ease, and joy.

WHY NOW?

Reflection: November 13, 2008 - I walked into a 6th grade classroom filled with twenty-nine young people of all learning styles, academic abilities, socio-economic levels, life experiences, personal struggles and personal gifts to see what would happen when we created an energetic, safe and challenging learning environment and brought EQ skills into the classroom. What unfolded was a learning process about life, leadership, and the roadblocks that get in our way that helped twenty-nine young people (and me) discover the beauty and strength that lives inside each and every one of us.

My personal truth: I was taught to see the world, to solve problems, to lead my life in a certain way. I realized over time that while that way was good it was also limiting. I believe there is a better way that allows each of our strengths and gifts to be brought forth to create new possibilities for our schools, organizations, and communities. I believe every young person wants and deserves the opportunity to get to know and express themselves – their strengths, values, gifts, thoughts, feelings, and limitations – in a safe, supportive, and structured environment. I believe our current public education system (there are approximately 50 million young people attending public schools in this country) does not offer "people education" leaving a person's foundation of strength to be built by chance. I believe the majority of us come into the work world with the understanding of what we need to work on which is constantly re-enforced by performance management systems and organizational feedback loops. I believe that I am not the only one who didn't learn these valuable life skills and I wonder how we can expect parents, teachers, clergy, managers, and leaders to teach others something they have never had the opportunity to learn themselves. I see the young people of our world standing by; ready to be engaged, although not knowing how to discover their brilliance, see where they fit in, share the potential that lives inside each and every one of them, and be who they are out in the world. I hear their voice and see their potential and I believe now is the time to teach them how to be life long learners and life long leaders of themselves, each other, and their community - the type of people and leaders our world is calling for.

WHY ME?

Reflection: September 1, 2010 - I had just finished lunch when our friendly mail man walked through the front door of The Workbox and handed me a package. I quickly opened it and found two books and a beautiful thank you note from a good friend of mine. The book laying on top, "WHAT I NOW KNOW: Letters to My Younger Self", seemed to leap out of the box yelling, "Read me...read me!". I had a coaching call in ten minutes so the book got set aside until the long Labor Day weekend provided some down time. On Sunday, I picked up the book and quickly found myself immersed in Carolyn Deaver's story about surviving breast cancer. Who would have thought that a disempowering question for Carolyn would become a compelling question for me - "Why Me?".

My personal truth: I believe that when we give ourselves permission to claim our brilliance we also give those around us the permission to do the same. And at this moment in time, I am learning to claim an aspect of my brilliance, my ability to create safe and challenging learning environments that inspire greater awareness and authentic action in others and myself. And while it can be familiar and easy for me to see this as a big responsibility and perhaps even burden to carry around this Sunday I chose to see it as the opportunity to use my own gifts to help others find theirs.

I share the 5 Whys and a few of my own truths with the hope that it will help you discover the truth that lives inside of you as my truth helped to re-ignite a bright flame inside of me. Try asking WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? and let me know what you learn!

Congratulations Coach!

Bounce — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 10:51:25 +0000

Jay Markiewicz recently became an RRCA (Road Runners Club of America) certified coach!

It is exciting to see Jay integrate his Georgetown certification in leadership coaching with his recent certification from RRCA to help athletes and athletic teams take their performance (body, mind, and emotion) to the next level!

Emotional Intelligence and the Workplace

Bounce — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 18:31:46 +0000

Did you know that "75% of careers are derailed for reasons related to emotional intelligence competencies, including inability to handle interpersonal problems; unsatisfactory team leadership during times of difficulty; inability to adapt to change or elicit trust." - Center for Creative Leadership, 1994

Seeing the Whole, and Being at Choice

Bounce — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 19:10:54 +0000

“Mom, look at my face. What’s wrong with me?” our 19 year old son asked on the night before he was to head back to college. I looked at him and could see the pink and puffy swelling of his cheek. I remembered his dentist’s prediction weeks earlier that a repaired tooth might later need a root canal. What timing for this to happen the night before Nicholas went back to school! Who had time for a dental emergency in the midst of the frantic packing and last minute purchases for our son’s first apartment?

That was one side of the story anyway. It would be easy to focus on everything negative in this scenario:

a young man in pain
one more thing to add to the list of “to do’s” in an unbelievably short amount of time
finding a way to get an antibiotic and schedule a dentist’s appointment after 10 at night
worrying about our son’s health

Yet that would not be the whole story. Strangely enough, I was also aware of how many positive aspects there were in this situation. Taking a step back I noticed:

a son who is both aware of his health and courageous when facing pain and discomfort
the fact that we have the necessary money for treatment of his infected tooth
the awareness that even as our son goes out on his own, he trusts and relies on us to help him in emergencies.

Maybe it’s not the way I would choose to notice how blessed we are, but notice I did.

What about you? Where in your life and work are you focusing on only one part of the picture? To see the situation more completely, try the following:

Take a step back and consider the opposite perspective.
Make a list of both the upside and downside of this situation. Creating a picture of the whole situation will open possibilities you had not seen before.
Choose the perspective that enables you to move forward most effectively.
Notice the energy, new possibilities, and the motivation to act that you have when you take the time to see the whole.

Self defeating expectations

Bounce — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 17:17:44 +0000

I was so "in my head" a few weeks ago over my approach to an upcoming race that I couldn't tell what was up. Even typing this I find myself rolling my eyes at how lost I really was...

The Patrick Henry Half (PHH) marathon was this past weekend. Leading up to the half marathon, I was held captive by the story I’ll call “creating high expectations of my performance.” That story puts the focus on failure - my performance should be XYZ, and if not, then it’s a failure. Conversely, avoiding the experience means there is no risk of failure. And taking that one step further, there is no risk of judgment.

Apparently, I was failure focused and my defense mechanism was to find a way to avoid the race by creating excuse after excuse. In my head, I was rightfully justified:

It’s going to be hot and I know I am going to dehydrate
I’m trying on a new training program this year and it’s not designed for speed
I don’t want to push myself because this isn’t my “A” race this year
The risk of injury, from pushing myself, is too great

Looking at that list cracks me up. Who would want to race it framing it up that way? And folks, here is what I was "really" thinking: "I don't know that I can race it as fast as I should, and if not, then that is some kind of failure." Ugh, that's harsh.

Geeez, Jay, seriously? What the heck?

Thank goodness I came to my senses - a moment of realization that one of my absolute passions in life, running and racing, is getting destroyed by some kind of self deprecating story about lofty expectations. I’m robbing my own joy by making up a bunch of stuff in my head. Ahhhhh, humans.

With the awareness of how I was holding myself back from being “me”, I shifted my story to something that would better serve me:

If it’s hot, I can practice my hydration strategy and learn
What an amazing opportunity to test my new training plan
Pushing myself during this race is a great indicator of how I’m doing and what I need to do differently to prepare for my “A” race
As a seasoned runner of many races, I will know of a pending injury and will slow down
This is going to be so much fun, I love racing and competing with fellow runners!!!!

Yes, I raced it! And it was so awesome - in support of my personal values and in support of “me.” What a tragedy if I would have lived out my other self defeating story.

How are you going to shift a story that you know is getting in the way of your joy?

Georgetown here we come!

Bounce — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:55:02 +0000

Kelly Lewis recently became a member of the faculty of Georgetown University's Leadership Coaching Program!

Kelly is honored to serve as a Learning Circle Advisor to the renowned certification program for executive coaches that approaches leadership coaching from an organizational development perspective.

Kelly graduated from the program in 2006 and can't wait to serve the program that was her inspiration for starting Bounce!

Knowledge Sharing

Bounce — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:36:53 +0000

Ann Deaton recently presented a session to the Richmond chapter of the International Coach Federation.

Ann presented on the use of assessment tools in coaching. Local Richmond coaches had the opportunity to take one of two short assessments and to practice coaching each other to take advantage of what they discovered.

Moody Middle School Rules!

Bounce — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 00:41:59 +0000

Check out the highlights from last week's launch of our Teachers as Leaders program!

It was an honor to spend two full days with the amazing group of 7th grade teachers from Moody Middle School exploring the insights and reflections of Parker Palmer's Courage to Teach work as they prepare to kick off the 2010-2011 school year.

Wisdom. Humanity. Courage. Resilience

Bounce — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:28:46 +0000

Ann Deaton recently attended training on a 360 assessment that enables leaders to develop four critical aspects of their leadership - Wisdom, Humanity, Courage, and Resilience.

The Tilt 360 tool will be used in the 2010-2011 Leaders as Learners program to enable leaders to enhance their self-awareness and to develop these key leadership strengths.

Welcome Higher Achievement!

Bounce — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:11:56 +0000

Bounce welcomes the newest member of the 2010-2011 Leaders as Learners cohort - Higher Achievement!

Higher Achievement is a non-profit organization that provides middle school children from underserved areas year round academic enrichment programs and preparation for top high school placement. We are excited to have Higher Achievement supporting Richmond Public Schools and part of our Leadership learning community.

Leadership finds its way inside of Richmond classrooms

Bounce — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 21:28:24 +0000

Bounce is thrilled to bring the important work of emotional intelligence and leadership development into Richmond's classrooms. Tomorrow marks the launch of Teachers as Learners - a leadership development program empowering 20 educators from Moody Middle School and 300 of their students.

Teachers as Leaders is not only a unique combination of leadership training, coaching, and service learning, it is a unique collaboration across many amazing organizations. We are grateful to have Courage to Teach, Luckstone, TrePadges, and our own talented coaches and instructors working together to deliver something extraordinary!

Emotionally Intelligent Snaggers

Bounce — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 11:53:40 +0000

We enjoyed working with the amazing Client Services team at SnagAJob on Friday to explore one of our favorite topics - Emotional Intelligence!

SnagAJob does! They embrace and practice Emotional Intelligence to lead their business, manage their teams, and work together to provide excellent customer service.

**Center for Creative Leadership - 1994

Adaptations to new levels of performance

Bounce — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 15:51:35 +0000

This past weekend while attended the Road Runners Club of America (RRCA) coaching certification program, I could not believe what was right there in front of me on slide #48 in our handout. The title of slide #48 is “Training Adaptations,” and pow – it hit me – a leadership coaching insight on the principles of “adaptations to new levels of performance." This one, folks, is really cool…seriously…

The story of slide #48 goes something like this. As we progress through a training cycle, our body’s critical support systems evolve and “adapt” to new levels of performance at different rates. This means, my Neurological system (nerves) is the fastest to adapt to my training, followed up by the muscular/circulatory/pulmonary systems (blood/breathing), and then lastly, the slowest system to adapt to training is our skeletal and connective tissue system. That is interesting, sure, though the implication of that knowledge is where the juicy insights start to emerge.

You see, when a runner enters a training cycle and starts to gain improvements in support systems, they experience the feedback that they can run faster. This feedback comes in the form of the circulatory/pulmonary system - breathing better and lower heart rate at faster paces! So the athlete, believing to be adapted to a new level of performance, increases their effort level in training and…the not yet adapted skeletal and connective tissue systems break down and result in the most common running injuries:

Achilles tendinopathy (I have it)
Runner's Knee (never had it)
Iliotibial band (ITB) syndrome (This one sidelined me for 3 months)
Plantar Fasciitis (I’ve had a small case of it)
Shinsplints (whew, not this one)

Where in that list is an injury to our pulmonary system? What about the Circulatory system? Nope…those systems actively regulate the stresses we put on our body in training by giving us real time feedback – try running faster when you can’t breath! The system that causes us the most pain is the one that takes the longest time to adapt, and the one that doesn’t give much feedback until…crack, twang, ugh!

And here it is…the Pow moment! We have leadership development systems, just like our athletic performance systems, that adapt to new levels of leadership performance at different rates (fastest to slowest):

Our mind (intelligence), how we think about our environment and frame solutions
Our body (technical skills), how we learn new skills and apply them to different situations
Our emotions (emotional intelligence), how we respond emotionally to new situations and present ourselves in relationships

Emotional Intelligence - Slowest to adapt to new experiences and a new way of being.

How often have we moved forward with confidence that our mind and skills are ready to address a problem, and in execution we experience…crack, twang, ugh!!! (ha ha, the pun is too much here). That’s our emotional intelligence system giving feedback that it needs more time, needs more adaptation to the new us, needs some emotional intelligence specific “hill repeats” in order to strengthen.

This is the reason that growth and development takes time and the reason it is hard. I know.

As an endurance runner I have experienced the frustrations and agony of my skeletal system giving harsh feedback when I “felt” I was ready to run faster, and as a human-being (father, son, friend, leader) I have experienced the frustrations and agony of my emotional intelligence system giving harsh feedback when I “felt” I was ready…

When have you felt that you were fully adapted for new levels of performance, only to find out that a critical system was not?

Be patient, it just may take a little more time, specific training, and adaptation to those new levels of performance.

Powerful Questions: Looking Inside and Out for Your Answers

Bounce — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 19:26:08 +0000

Life is full of questions, and the answers aren't always obvious. I've been talking this week with leaders of all types--CEOs, older brothers, teachers, business owners. They range in age from 11 to 62 years old and I'm surprised by how many questions they have in common. Some of the questions in my recent listening are:

Who am I?
What is my purpose?
Why did this [bad thing] happen to me?
What's the next step I need to take?
How can this be a win-win instead of a win-lose?
How can I stop spending time doing things that aren't important, and make time for the most important things in my life?

Just by asking a question, each of these people is setting the stage to discover their own answers. A question is like a lens through which you see the world. If you begin each morning with the intention of discovering the answer to a question, you will hear the possibilities everywhere. You can look inside for your answers, and you can also look all around you for the wisdom the world offers. You'll hear answers to your questions in the thoughts you awaken to in the morning, in the music you hear on the radio, in the books you read, and in your conversations.

Some recommendations for asking the most powerful questions to shape your discovery:

Ask about what you want rather than what you hope to avoid or get rid of.
Ask What or How questions to move you forward. Who, When, and Why questions are often about finding someone to blame and focusing on the past.
Be open to unexpected and surprising answers. Keep listening even when the answers don't make sense.
Write your questions down in a journal or notebook, and write down the answers you hear, even if you don't yet know what they mean.

Here are some wonderful quotes to consider as you ask your questions:

It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.
-Decouvertes

Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it, you will live along some distant day into your answers.
-Rainer Maria Rilke

BOUNCE for Joy!

Bounce — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 17:12:33 +0000

I hadn’t had my coffee yet this morning when I agreed to take my son and his friends to one of those inflatable fun parks, where kids can literally “bounce off the walls.” It served me right really—I was checking e-mail and voicemail when my 6-year-old towhead crawled into my lap and whispered his request in my ear. Distracted with multitasking (just what I’ve been preaching against of late), the words, “sure, honey, that sounds great,” rolled off my tongue, illuminating my kid’s face with sheer delight. There was no taking this one back.

Two hours later, I found myself driving a minivan full of excited little people to Kangaroo Jacks. I brought my notebook with me as my brilliant Bounce coworker pointed out that surely this “bouncy” experience might somehow be great material for my next bounce blog post. (I know, more multitasking—I’m a work in progress).

Upon entering this kid haven, I immediately felt the need to close my eyes and breathe. My son and his friends raced to the biggest inflatable attraction and I settled down with my notebook at the only table available which just happened to be under the speaker that was “pumping up the party.” I do love Hannah Montana, but her reverberating voice combined with all the visual and tactile stimulation surrounding me was enough to make me wonder why I didn’t fill my water bottle with vodka.

And then, I heard the words I hear at least ten times a day, “Hey Mom, watch this.” Presence, I told myself, is the greatest gift you can give your children. So, I closed my notebook and found my way through the crowd of little people to find my boy, dressed in his favorite tie dyed “born to be wild” t-shirt, ready to launch from the top of the giant yellow slide.

I watched my son and his friends bounce with reckless abandon (so reckless, in fact, that we had two minor injuries within the first 20 minutes). As I kissed their boo boos and sent them back into paradise, I realized that children are much better acquainted with joy than adults are. When was the last time I bounced for joy?

Living that question, I kicked off my shoes and heaved my sockless self into the bounce pit (being sockless, I was breaking the rules which added an element of excitement to this joy experiment). As I bounced for joy, I shouted to my son and his mystified friends, “Watch me!” And they did.

After a few minutes, I remembered that my equilibrium is not what it used to be. (I get seasick in the bathtub). So, I left my somewhat embarrassed son in the pit with his friends and I went to my notebook, again, asking myself the question-- in my everyday life, how do I bounce for joy?

That’s when I remembered the party my family and I attended last weekend. There was a reggae band, a warm summer breeze, and fresh cut grass under my feet. And yes, I was joyful, not bouncing, but dancing, with reckless abandon. I remember feeling so joyful, in fact, that at one point, I felt like I was flying. (No, there was no vodka in my water bottle that night either).

I was dancing (and levitating) all alone until a bevy of beautiful little girls came to join me. We skipped around like fairies, weaving in and out of each other’s arms. We were each leaders of our own bodies, our own joy, fully present in the magic of those moments.

Back at Kangaroo Jacks, as I recorded this memory in my notebook, I smiled a deep and soulful smile. My son and his friends approached me, breathless and thirsty. They each enjoyed a popsicle and I began to pack up our things. “Not yet, Mom. I want to bounce til’ I burst!” I set down my bag, pulled my wise child onto my lap and said, “Me too, baby. I want to bounce til I burst, too.”

This week, I invite you, in your own unique way, to BOUNCE for joy!

10 Things…

Bounce — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 13:18:35 +0000

At first, I didn’t want to do it. I thought it would take too much time and I really had other stuff I wanted to be doing. But as I wrote my list, I realized what’s really important to me. My parents are always talking about how you can’t take life for granted. This list shows what brings me joy—I guess I’m starting to learn what I value most in life. Here’s my list (there are 10 things because I am 10). My dad had to do 39!

1) My really old dog’s determination to keep trying to get up even when it’s hard.

2) My mom’s way of dividing herself so that everyone has time with her.

3) My dad’s ability to adapt to any environment.

4) My sister’s giggle and how she cares for animals and the earth.

5) My brother’s pouty face—I really do love him even though he drives me crazy.

6) All the magical memories we have together.

7) The fact that we have everything we need in our home to survive.

8) My parents’ caring hearts and consideration for us and others.

9) The feeling of accomplishment after I win a swim team race.

10) The way root beer bubbles in my mouth.

Looking at my list, I realize what my values are—determination, compromise, adaptability, laughter, love, family memories, home, caring hearts, consideration, accomplishment, and root beer!

Grace, 6th grade student

Leaders as Learners

Bounce — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 19:15:40 +0000

Leaders as Learners is an amazing learning community that develops 24 of our community's current leaders and 330 of our community's next generation of leaders. This nine month long leadership development program focuses on what truly sets leaders apart - one's ability to connect bottom line results with one's core values - and teaches people the emotional intelligence skills required to manage with their heads and lead from their hearts.

Leaders as Learners includes eight days of leadership training, 6 one on one executive coaching sessions, and 18 opportunities to lead and learn from our community's young people.

Contact us if you or your company are interested. We are accepting applications through September!

Leadership and Kindness At Random

Bounce — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 13:04:17 +0000

Certainly, kindness wrapped in any package is a beautiful gift. Whether you are organizing a fundraiser, volunteering at a homeless shelter, or making brownies for your elderly neighbor, your acts of kindness are offerings toward a more loving and peaceful world. And on behalf of the world, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

So, what makes an act of kindness random? I would offer that an act of kindness is random when it is unplanned, without reason, and executed when no one else is looking. These are the acts that define us, the ones for which there are no gold stars, no certificates of volunteer participation, no pats on the back. Random acts of kindness are what we do when we are fully in the moment of recognizing the oneness of humanity.

… when we see ourselves in the sweat-drenched mailman on a100 degree day and we offer him an ice cold water bottle and a few moments in some air conditioning.

…when we see ourselves in the sad eyes of the homeless man with the “help me” sign and we cruise to the nearest fast food spot to buy him a value meal.

… when we see ourselves in the very pregnant woman at the grocery store who is struggling to keep her toddler in the cart and we tell her she is absolutely beautiful while distracting her toddler with our keys.

…when we see ourselves in the poorly dressed and often dirty kid in our son’s class whose mother isn’t able to pay for the field trip and we anonymously drop a check with his name on it in the teacher’s mailbox.

…when we see ourselves in anybody and we offer a friendly and genuine smile.

In The Book of Awakening, Mark Nepo shares the original definition of random: “the instant a horse at full speed has all four hooves off the ground.” He describes the human experience at random as “the moment of holding nothing back, of giving our all to whatever situation is before us.”

Certainly, every act of kindness cannot be experienced at random—we would all be physically, emotionally, and financially exhausted. However, as you navigate through your busy week, I invite you to initiate one random act of kindness, at random. Be truly present in that moment, holding nothing back, doing the right thing when no one else is looking.

Bounce is a FOUR YEARS. GO. Company

Bounce — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 19:11:57 +0000

Bounce has joined the FOUR YEARS. GO. campaign. Launched in March, the campaign reached more than 50,000 people in its first month. The Pachamama Alliance says, "Recognizing that the next few years provide us the monumental challenge and opportunity of impacting the trajectory of life on this planet for the next 1,000 years, FOUR YEARS. GO. is a common rallying call for collaborative action across the globe. The campaign is fostering a coalition amongst individuals, NGOs, companies, and communities to ignite a movement whose goal is catalyzing a shift in humanity to a sustainable, just and fulfilling path by 2014."

Leadership - A revolving door of choice

Bounce — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 19:31:14 +0000

Some context.

Most people that know me well know that the word leadership comes "fully loaded" and I could talk about it for hours upon hours (my guess is my wonderful husband, Glenn, is the luckiest recipient of that). Over the years leadership has become to mean so much more to me than a position or title and is currently a way to lead my life, the process of becoming myself, the permission to be my best, and the responsibility to help others be theirs. And there might be something else you might want to know about me. I am an ENFP on the Myers Briggs Indicator which means I see meaning in everything, I enjoy opportunities to be in relationship with others, and I enjoy thinking out loud (I hope overtime our amazing clients, friends and fans, you, will be the lucky recipients of that:)).

I had a pretty amazing learning experience just recently with finger-paints. Yes...I just said finger-paints. How long has it been since you have finger-painted? For me, it had been a whopping thirty-two years (since I was an overachieving student in Ms. Garland's kindergarten class at Pinchbeck Elementary). That was until I attended my Georgetown Coaching Graduate Conference a few weeks ago. Little did I know that the meaning maker I am combined with a day of learning at Georgetown would be the perfect recipe for my recent "aha" reminder, as I sometimes call them. The reminder of a really important choice that is always available to me (and I so often forget) - the choice of leading with an open or closed heart.

My experience.

So there I was at Georgetown, choosing among the last group of breakout sessions. The title "Finger-paint Meditation" caught my eye. I thought to myself, "I appreciate the benefits of meditation and finger-painting could be a fabulous new activity for the young people we work with. I think I will give it a try". Our talented colleague Susan Palmer, gave her instructions for the first finger-paint meditation - no talking, both hands, paint for 5 consecutive minutes on the question, "How are you experiencing your work at this time?". I slapped red, yellow, and green finger paint on my paper. Within 20 seconds, I was in it. Both of my hands were swirling around in the paint, my pace was fast, my attitude was furious (literally), and I am not sure I was breathing. Five minutes were up...tadaa! To my surprise, I looked at my painting and saw a lot of movement, quite a bit of frustration, much effort and felt confined and closed. With no time to think, the instructions for the second finger-paint meditation came - no talking, both hands, paint for 10 consecutive minutes on the question, "How do you want to experience your work?" I literally kicked off my shoes and jumped in (interesting analogy given the question she asked us to paint about:)). This time my left hand became my palette and my right hand became the brush. I had a smile on my face, I was using the colors Susan gave us to create my own (blue + red = purple), and I was taking my time to enjoy the process. Ding...ten minutes went by in a flash and we were done. My second finger painting - it was filled with growth, possibility, collaboration and felt open and expansive.

So What?

So if you are anything like Glenn you might be asking yourself, "Kelly, what does this mean and what the heck does this have to do with leadership?" That day at Georgetown and each day since then has helped me see I (and all of us for that matter) have a choice. A choice that I realized I don't make once and then it happens naturally ever time after that. This is one of those choices that I have to consciously make each moment of each day until I practice enough to become "unconsciously competent" (given how long it is taking me to learn how to Facebook it could be a while). The choice of leading my work and living my life with an open heart. It is clear to me now that when things get challenging, frustrating, difficult, uncomfortable (basically when they go anyway other than what I had planned for, hoped for, or align with my values) I automatically walk through that revolving door and begin leading with my door closed tight.

John Sarvay, my creative and brilliant friend and colleague, put it this way in a recent blog post, "...Strong organizations understand the value of creating a high-speed rail line that clearly links the organization's bottom line with its core values and culture. And the strongest spend time developing individual leaders who demonstrate strong emotional intelligence competencies - who can manage with their heads, and lead with their hearts." John is absolutely right and I am thankful to have had the opportunity to hold up the mirror, through my beautiful finger paintings, and see that the high-speed rail line that is the direction connection between my head and my heart was short circuiting. I was only using a very small part of me (my head) to do my work, lead my company, and experience my life. Something that I along with our clients (young and all grown up) have to work on each and every day!

Now what?

For me, I will be practicing the choice to keep my door open to all of my emotions, all of the people I meet, and all of the situations I encounter without closing that door
For you, I wonder what your door could currently be closed to? And what possibilities would emerge if you opened it up?

Getting Your Hand Slapped and Feeling Like a Victim

Bounce — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 20:16:09 +0000

I don’t know about you but I thought once I was an adult I’d be done with getting my hand slapped for my transgressions. But here I am well into adulthood and it still happens. Just this morning I received an email that I am “not correctly following the naming conventions for files” in a group project I’m a part of. And only last week, our email campaign vendor complained about problems with a recent email campaign, and even temporarily suspended our account until I had explained and fixed the issue. Ouch. It’s easy for me to feel like a victim when I’m operating in good faith, and nonetheless end up receiving the periodic hand slap.

Yet, I could choose not to feel like a victim. And that shouldn’t be so hard because, in truth, I love getting feedback. Feedback is what lets me know how I’m doing; it’s what enables me to improve. So if I see these episodes as feedback instead of a hand slap, I am already well on my way to being more open to the wisdom my mistakes offer to me, and embracing the opportunity to improve. That is pretty awesome!

I learned this strategy many years ago in my graduate training program when we were taught how to “reframe” a situation. Reframing enables you to see the situation in a different way that is still aligned with the facts yet offers more possibilities for moving forward. My coach training program also taught us about reframing, and I see how powerful it is with my clients. It’s a valuable tool to be able to view issues that come up in our lives in a different way. By using a new lens for seeing them, we now have additional options for responding and for taking action.

Building on this notion of reframing, a few years ago I read a great little book called The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) written by David Emerald (aka Womeldorff). TED* offers the ultimate reframe, teaching readers how not to step out of the role of victim when things go wrong. The framework David offers enables you to understand what is happening when you make a mistake and feel you are being called on the carpet, and to see that there is another alternative. You can choose to opt out of feeling like a victim when things go wrong, and opt in to a new role where you get to be a creator of the outcome you prefer. Sounds simple, but it’s not always easy to do. When I do it, though, it’s a powerful and freeing experience, and it lets me welcome feedback instead of feeling as if I’ve had my hand slapped when I make a mistake.

So this morning I offer you a challenge. Reflect on the following questions, and decide consciously on how you can take action to change. When you make mistakes, how do you handle it? Do you react negatively when others point out your error? How often does your negative reaction keep you from moving forward effectively?

Consider reading The Power of TED* and accessing David’s newsletter to learn more about a more powerful way to respond to making mistakes.

Going Above and Beyond

Bounce — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 00:34:56 +0000

I am a runner, and I am a professional coach. The two came together a few weeks ago during a hill workout that has opened up a new perspective on progress and goal setting. The story: I coach a group of inspiring marathon runners on Thursday nights for what is called our weekly “hill workout” (insert that eye roll and half opened mouth that conveys our dread when hearing the word “hills”). A hill workout is simple.

Find a hill:

run up
down
up
down
up (quads burning!)
down (out of breath)
up (really again?)
down (are we done yet?)

For this particular hill workout, the goal was to run this nasty quad crusher for 15 minutes. As a group, we discussed the strategy and created our goal of a 15 minute workout. This meant that when at the top of the hill instead of resting and walking down, continue pushing your body to keep speed for the descent.

This does several things:

As a race strategy, it typically gains us distance against our competition (as we will see most people like to ‘rest’ after cresting a hill)
It provides a great practice to “experience running” and notice what our body/mind/spirit really wants to do when at the top of the hill
It teaches us how to recover while running
It teaches us how to quickly transition our physical stride from a hill form to a speed form (which are very different)

As I was cresting the hill side by side with one of the athletes, I was encouraging him to keep speed through our turn. At the top, he was 5 feet behind me and fading. His response “I just felt like the top of the hill was the goal and in doing so, I could sense my body/mind in automatic mode and slowing down.”

This is a common response from our bodies during endurance running when we feel we have achieved some kind of interim goal, like reaching the top of the hill. Sweet! Time to rest, slow down, catch a breath, celebrate the victory. We want to celebrate an achievement yet we’ve not reached our final goal.

As the athlete goes, so does the leader, the teacher, and the parent. I’ve been contemplating this automatic response to interim goal achievement and am starting to see where this is showing up in my life. I am finding a lot of hill workouts show up here and there, at work, with family, cleaning the house. That task that needs to be completed for a bigger goal, that rest after completing it, not recognizing the loss of momentum when checking off the box on the laundry list. I notice that I am at the top of the hill slowing down when I know I have a longer journey ahead of me. How more powerful would I be if I would instead power through?

Then I found this amazing point and insight that sheds light directly on this discussion. Jonathan Haidt, in his book, The Happiness Hypothesis, points out that “pleasure comes more from making progress toward goals than from achieving them” (page 84). Huh, that might give reason to our top of hill tendency. May I offer how I am going to test these insights in what I call an “and” solution?

Recognize the progress toward my goal when I reach the top of the hill by choosing a mental congratulations to feel the pleasure of interim success (say take 5 strong strides of renewal and reward – great job Jay!)
AND
Recognize that the journey is still in front of me and choose to pursue the next interim step with zest and joy (i.e. – after 5 steps of renewal, turn on the burners….ha ha)

What “and” solution is available to you when you find yourself at the top of the hill in your life-journey?

Leadership in the Moment

Bounce — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 14:27:38 +0000

I used to think my company’s success was due to my mastery of multitasking. With a baby on my hip, I could potty train a 2 year old, help a 5 year old learn to tie her shoes, vacuum the living room, whip up a batch of chocolate chip cookies for the PTA fundraiser, pay the cable bill on line, and make babysitting arrangements for a much needed date night. And I could do all of this within a 30 minute time span. I was an efficient machine and my friends would marvel, “How do you do it all?”

However, as my children have gotten older (and I have more time to breathe), I realize that our cultural esteem for the art of multi-tasking is leading to the demise of human presence. Far more important than the number of items checked off my to-do list is the way in which I fully live in and embrace each moment of my day. Knowing when to pause and really listen to one of “my people” is essential to the bottom line of my company’s success. Being truly present in mind, heart, body, and spirit, is the mark of a true leader.

Just as I am embracing this new wisdom of being, I recognize that I am accountable for my company’s adoption of my old multi-doing philosophy. On our way home from a special weekend outing, it’s “Where are we going next, Mom?” When we are eating lunch, I hear, “What’s for dinner, Mom?” And every night as I’m all wrapped up in the moment of the good-night snuggle, in my ear is whispered, “What are we doing tomorrow, Mom?”

Yes, I created this monster and, as the leader of this company, it’s up to me to slay it. My challenge is to balance my company’s efficiency with individual mindfulness. . I am a realist—a daily meditation hour will never be a part of my company’s operation. But I’ve learned that the quickest and easiest route back to the present moment is through the breath. And we can access and attend to our breath anywhere and anytime—on the soccer field, in the grocery store, at the PTA meeting.

Thich Nhat Hahn, mystic, scholar, and one of my most beloved teachers, offers this simple 6 word meditation that even my 6 year old has embraced.

Breathing in, “Calming.”

Breathing out, “Smiling.”

Breathing in, “Present moment.”

Breathing out, “Wonderful moment.”

I invite you to enter the world of presence through this beautiful exercise. Leadership begins in this moment.

Leadership: Identifying Your Role in the Band

Bounce — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 14:30:28 +0000

BOUNCE invites you to view leadership through the lens of music—the universal language.

Listed below are leadership roles that are essential to any band. In our lives we play in many bands. With what leadership role do you most identify?

The songwriter identifies the issue or theme and uses pen and heart to explore it.

The pianist sets the melody and the tone of the group dynamic.

The bass guitarist ignites the group’s passion and nurtures a common bond, encouraging others to think and feel deeply.

The drummer provides background beat, allowing others to shine until it’s his turn to explode with brilliance.

The singer is the star, charismatic and cool. She is the commander of the stage.

The stage hand takes care of all the details behind the scenes—tuning instruments, keeping things flowing in a timely manner, making sure everyone is happy.

The manager oversees the group’s progress and productivity, promoting accountability and success.

The music critic is essential to progress as she identifies what’s working and what isn’t.

She might offer a valuable new lens through which to view the issue at hand.

The fan takes the music to the streets, spreading the message with quiet, yet bold intention

Self-Leadership

Bounce — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 14:11:50 +0000

Self-Leadership is the concept that we must first guide and influence ourselves before we can lead others. Self-leadership includes awareness and direction of one’s thoughts, emotions, and behavior. When we lead ourselves effectively, we create the strong foundation necessary for making powerful choices and taking effective action. We also strengthen our capacity to lead others. To develop your self -leadership, begin with observing yourself and reflecting on what is going on within you and around you. Use a reflective practice such as journaling to capture and capitalize on your awareness.

Kelly Lewis joins Oneness-Family School

Bounce — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 14:09:41 +0000

Kelly Lewis has accepted a position on the Board of Trustees of the Oneness-Family School in Chevy Chase, Maryland. This is a Montessori school built around the principle of preparing its young people to be citizens in the global society of the 21st century.

The Courage to Lead

Bounce — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 14:10:53 +0000

It takes courage to be a leader and it also takes courage to follow. According to Bill Treasurer (Courage Goes to Work), there are three types of courage—being courageous enough to trust others whose actions can injure us, the courage to try something new, and the courage to tell—to speak out when you feel strongly about something when your view differs from those around you. We each need all three kinds of courage to be successful and lead a full life. Notice today when you are being courageous, and encourage others to be courageous too by making it safe to make mistakes.

Experiencing is what matters!

Bounce — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 14:14:23 +0000

A very close friend and training partner of mine declared the other day that in order for us to become better runners, "we need to run." He, of course, was referring to the debate on how much an athlete should balance training in their primary sport with cross training. The root of his statement is if you want to be a better runner, you have to run. Sounds simple enough. Then one day when I was practicing the "be a better runner so I’m running" during a long run, I starting thinking….and that’s when life presented to me a curious thought.

In order to become a better runner, "we need to experience running." The distinction of the word "experience" peaked my interest. Fascinating, I thought. What is the power in experiencing running over just running? A runner who is experiencing running is probably tuning in to his body (I say "his" only because I am a male), feeling the force of the road or trail on his feet, noticing his breathing rate and the ease or struggle of each breath, is aware of the temperature and humidity and other external factors, is connected to his passion in running and is listening to his heart and emotional state. The "experiencer" allows science and art to inform – checking his garmin for a numerical pace, then checking his body for a feeling pace – informing his overall performance for that run. He is a runner who is expanding his frame of reference in running, and with that expansion comes an awareness of new and important information.

When going to the levels of "experiencing running" in training, the athlete is learning and growing into their best possible self! An analogy may clarify this point. Remember the movie Avatar? The main character was thrown into a crash training course on being an Avatar - had no book knowledge, no simulation time, nothing. And how did he do it? Not only did he "Avatar", he more importantly "experienced Avatar!" The powerful image of him jumping off the tree and trusting the large leaves and branches to slow his descent spoke loudly to the word "experience." The irony of the story is that he relied on that experience when in battle-like situations, when the stakes were high, to perform similar feats. And the results he achieved were astounding!

As the athlete goes, so does the executive, mother, and teacher. How applicable is the statement; "to be a better teacher, one must experience teaching." Here is an offer – To be a better ________, one must experience ________." In your domain of life, what would be different if instead of doing what it is that you do, you "experienced" what it is that you do?

I am going to try that on! Tonight, when I sit down and eat dinner with my lovely children Alex and Mic, I plan on experiencing dinner with them. And I am so looking forward to see what shows up!

You may want to see what shows up for you.

July 2010 Update

Bounce — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 14:19:51 +0000

Kelly Lewis and Jay Markiewicz will be sharing their Bounce experience with other Georgetown trained coaches at the annual Georgetown Alumni conference on July 16, 2010. They are looking forward to the opportunity for other coaches to see a business-community coaching and learning partnership in action.

Is There Freedom in Structure?

Bounce — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 14:32:54 +0000

I don’t know why, but I have always had a thing for freedom. I love being able to do things my way, to do what I want when I want to. And, of course, the world is not really made that way---what I want to do sometimes gets in the way of what someone else wants, or needs. Still, I usually find many ways to feel free, to choose novelty instead of routine over the course of each day, to be independent. Sometimes it is as simple as taking a new route to a place I’ve been before. Other times, it is changing my mind. Sometimes it’s doing a less important thing before my top priority because that’s what I want to do at the moment. Or I might create something that I have never heard of anyone else ever doing. I love that openness to what could be.

Yet lately, I’ve been noticing an odd kind of relationship between freedom and structure. I’ve been finding myself thinking that sometimes in structure I can find freedom. Weird, huh? But I have to admit that sometimes having a routine and a structure seems to offer me more freedom, more chances to explore and learn. It is as if by following the structure I am free to notice what it brings, and to listen more deeply because I’m not distracted by having to choose what’s next. And the opportunities to deviate from the structure feel just as rewarding as having no structure at all.

I am especially noticing the value of structure in all kinds of leadership and mentoring roles. I am finding myself asking questions about bosses, parents, advisors, and teachers of all types:

How much structure does a new employee need to feel safe, to move forward effectively? How does this decrease as they become more familiar with their role and its demands? Where does the most effective leader turn over the reins, and where does he/she hold onto them for just a little longer?
What structure do we offer as parents, especially as our children reach adolescence and young adulthood? Even as they say they want more freedom, do they also get value from and appreciate structure as they step bravely forward into increasing responsibilities?
When a financial advisor offers infinite freedom in what you do with your investments, how comfortable do you feel? Does the structure of having a set of recommended strategies offer freedom and a sense of choice, instead of overwhelm?
How much structure and freedom is appropriate in our school classrooms? A Bounce colleague, Jay Markiewicz, shares that offering too much freedom in a 7th grade class creates chaos and indecision. It doesn’t work for facilitator or for the students. With just enough structure in place, both facilitator and student thrive.

I am coming to the conclusion that at the end of the day, some guidance and structure creates a sense of safety and the ability to move forward confidently. I still love freedom, of course, and now I see that this can be found in structure, perhaps more easily than it can be found in chaos. How about you? Is there any place in your life you are resisting structure in order to be unique? And, on the flip side, are there places you are so bound by routine that you don’t see a new path? Play a little with freedom and structure today. See what you notice.

Fist to Five

Bounce — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 23:56:19 +0000

It is not easy for most of us to stay present to this moment, and to be self aware of who we are being right now. That’s particularly true when we are stressed and busy. One good way to become self aware is to take time several times each day to look at whether you are bringing your best self to the experience. Give yourself a hand periodically—the hand being holding up 0 to 5 fingers as a quick rating of your current presence, emotion, and behavior. Hold up 5 fingers if you are bringing all your talents, wisdom, and positivity to the present moment. Give yourself a 1 or a 2 if you’re distracted, irritable, or worried and only partly present. Give yourself a Fist (0) if you feel you are not present and effective at all. This Fist to Five exercise can enable you to notice what is going on inside you, and this awareness enables you to choose whether to continue or change what you are doing and who you are being. Try Fist to Five and see what happens.

Ask a question. Often we are so sure that we know something that we don’t ask others input or perspective. This week, whenever you find yourself asserting that you have the answer, ask a question. For example, in a meeting instead of saying “Our top priority this week is sales”, ask your team what they think the top priority should be and why. At home with your children, instead of telling them not to argue with one another, ask a question instead---maybe “what do you two want to do when you are finished arguing?” You may be pleasantly surprised by the wisdom of those around you, and the increased motivation and engagement when you ask a question instead of tell others your answer.

If you are a teacher, emotional intelligence is especially important to your success. To find out how emotionally intelligent you are, take the quiz at http://www.edutopia.org/louisville-social-emotional-learning-quiz. While you are on the site, check out some of the emotional intelligence videos and other resources for your class.

Being Present Every Day

Bounce — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 14:29:59 +0000

Part of being a leader, a leader at any level of an organization, family, or community, is being true to yourself. Another aspect of becoming your best self is to continue to grow. One way that I do that is that this year, as for the past five years, I choose a word to focus on that is my theme for the year. My word is something that I want to stay aware of throughout the entire 365 days, as a way to learn more how to fully embrace it in my life. This year the word I chose was Presence—the act of being fully aware in this place, in this moment. I just looked up presence, though, and the definition does not really capture all that I want for myself. The first definition listed is “attendance”, and for me that doesn’t quite do it. I want to embrace Presence, to fully engage in each moment available to me. That’s what I want this year.

And I am nearly halfway through the year and I find that it’s not easy, this Presence thing. So often my thoughts take me to another place, a different moment –past or future--and Boom! I am no longer present. I have to take a deep breath and pull myself back to this moment now and its gifts. It is important because I know that there is no place I would rather be than here and now, knowing that this Now is fleeting and will never be repeated.

So my challenge this year is huge, and it is bringing incredible gifts. When I commit to being present to each moment, I notice I listen better. I notice the range of my ever-shifting thoughts and emotions. I notice my excitement about what we are growing with Bounce in empowering the leaders all around us. When I am fully present, I hear the sounds of birds, feel the breeze and the oppressive mid-summer heat even early in the morning. I am aware of my body—how I move, where I’m stiff, the sore spot where I screwed a screw into my thumb last weekend as we built a deck. Instead of putting all these experiences off to the side, in being present I am able to fully embrace each one.

And sometimes I do land on a thought that I want to be present to, to write about, and share with all of you. Today my thought was Presence, and I was grateful to have a chance to reflect on it, and my pursuit of a year of being present. My request of each of you as well is that you each become present to this moment and see what it offers. You may be surprised.

The Gap Between Knowing and Doing

Bounce — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 00:03:11 +0000

I've been wondering lately why we don’t always do what we want to do, what we know we should do. For instance, I want to exercise daily and sometimes I let other things get in the way. I know I should stay in better touch with friends and family than I do. I could do better follow up with my clients. What gets in my way of doing these things? I enjoy them all and yet I don’t always do them. Why?

Recently I've begun to find some answers in three wonderful books:

Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard is a book by Chip and Dan Heath that explains why it's so hard to direct our behavior. Though many reasons and strategies are shared in the book, one of my favorite insights comes from the notion that we sometimes don't make choices to act because we have too many choices! When we simplify our path and reduce the number of choices, it becomes much easier to focus and to choose effectively. An analogy that the Heaths use throughout the book is that of ourselves as Elephant (heart, impulse), Rider (mind, plan, intention), and Path. All three elements need to be aligned if we are to go in the direction we intend. This explains why our Rider is so ineffective guiding our Elephant when the two don’t agree and the Path is unclear. Reading Switch offers many how to’s as far as beginning to act in the way we say we want to.

The Knowing-Doing Gap:How Smart Companies Turn Knowledge into Action by Bob Sutton and Jeffrey Pfeffer is more focused on organizations than on individuals. This book identifies the obstacles to action that businesses face and why knowing what to do is not enough. Importantly, the book tells stories about successful companies who have learned to overcome the knowing-doing gap and make their actions match their intentions.

Another piece to the puzzle of why we don't do what we really want to do is provided by Immunity to Change by Robert Kegan & Lisa Lahey. Lahey and Kegan provide a way to look at our goals, the behaviors that support them and the actions that work against our goal achievement. In the process, we also learn that one of our biggest enemies can be our underlying assumptions. Identifying these assumptions brings to light the biggest obstacle to action, and opens the path to effectiveness.

I love that there are so many methods these days to help us with even the most challenging problem we have. In this case, it is the simple, and universal, one of doing what we say we will. Now you too have the resources to accomplish what you have always wanted to .

Bullying in our Schools and Workplaces

Bounce — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 23:41:46 +0000

Bullying is a common challenge in both our schools and our workplaces. According to a national study several years ago, almost 1/3 of youth in the United States (nearly 6 million) are estimated to be involved in bullying as either the bully, the bully’s target, or both. In the survey of students in grades 6-10, 13% acknowledged bullying others, 11% reported being the bullied, and 6% said that they both bullied others and were being bullied themselves (Nansel et al, 2001; SafeYouth.org).

Does the bullying end once these young people leave school and get a job? No, in fact some researchers think workplace bullying is on the increase. Bullying at work causes decreases in productivity and innovation, and increases in turnover. (BullyingStatistics.org). According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, up to a third of workers may be the victims of workplace bullying. and about 20% of workplace bullying is serious enough to be considered harassment.

Nansel, T.R., Overpeck, M., Pilla, R.S., Ruan, W.J., Simons-Morton, B., & Scheidt, P. (2001). Bullying Behaviors Among US Youth: Prevalence and Association With Psychosocial Adjustment., 285(16), 2094-2100.

http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/workplace-bullying.html

SafeYouth.org

Creating a Strengths Based World

Bounce — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 00:01:26 +0000

We all like to be recognized and appreciated. We all want to matter to someone. We all want to have an impact in this world of ours. In his book, The Three Signs of a Miserable Job, Patrick Lencioni says that meeting these wants is key to satisfaction in the workplace. When others care to know us at a deeper than surface level, when our work is relevant, and when what we do can be measured, we are far happier in our jobs and, of course, much more likely to stay in them.

So how does this translate into your workplace, your child’s school? Often the things we know about what people need don’t translate into our society’s systems. Take schools for example. In our schools we tend to emphasize verbal learning (reading and writing) and mathematical/logical skills (arithmetic). This fits well for young people who have these learning strengths (what Howard Gardner calls “intelligences”), but what happens to the student who happens to learn through moving around (a kinesthetic learner) or whose strongest intelligence is her interpersonal ability? Typically, these children are scolded for being fidgety or overly talkative, and by the end of elementary school, they are thoroughly dissatisfied with school and unlikely to stay in school through graduation, or to engage in learning even while they sit at their desks.

This happens at work as well. We hire talented people, and we do not always enable them to use their best talents. As the Gallop research in Now, Discover Your Strengths shows, only about 20% of our work force say they have the opportunity to use their strengths every day in the work they do. The other 80% are not fully known and valued for who they are or what they bring. They are therefore, less likely to stay and less likely to do their best work if they do stay.

What is the answer to these challenges? The common answer is a defenseive one---“We can’t just let people do whatever they want!” But perhaps we could do just that! At Ideo, for example, the company allows teams to create innovative products and to take chances to see what emerges in the process. At Montessori Schools, children choose the learning stations they are attracted to, and they stay engaged in their learning as well as doing well on standardized testing. So it is possible.

What can you do today to leverage your strengths?

How can you ensure that your coworkers, colleagues, children, and partners get to leverage theirs?

Results for Leaders Willing to Grow

Bounce — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 14:22:32 +0000

Wow! We are pumped! We recently received comments from our 2009-2010 Bounce Leaders as Learners class (26 community leaders from across the Richmond area) who spent part of their experience inside 6th grade classroom. The impact for individual leaders was as diverse and profound as we could have possibly wished. In some of their words:

“I continue to learn that no matter how old I am, there is always room for growth. Sixth grade students have much to teach adults.”

“I have found the value in the question, as opposed to the answer.”

“I’ve learned that sometimes it’s best to let go of my expectations and just be present in the moment—where the real ‘ah-has’ happen.”

“I’ve learned to remain open and curious and not assess people based on one or two interactions… everyone can surprise you.”

“I was able to let go of what I thought I knew and let the learning happen among and between the students.”

“I am grateful for the opportunity to share my best with others. It has allowed me to be more open and honest with myself and others.”

“I recognize my behaviors (good and bad) in the kids…the fears and the joys are the same….it’s so important to know who you are on the inside and how to show it in an honest way.”

“I have focused attention on my personal level of emotional intelligence…. I have really grasped the importance of how we treat ourselves and others—that determines the real success in life.”

“I have started viewing negative situations as opportunities to learn. This has empowered me to be more open to receive feedback and different points of view.”

“I have a deeper understanding of self, especially how I show up in relationship.”

“What I take away from BOUNCE is patience, understanding, and gratitude.”

“When we stretch ourselves, we overcome our fears and limitations.”

We are grateful for the contributions, insights, and commitment of all the 26 leader facilitators who made this year’s Bounce Leaders as Learners experience an amazing one. Their growth, and the learning they shared with 330 6th graders, was tremendous. What are you doing to grow yourself as a leader today? What are you doing to enable those around you to grow?

Are you interested in becoming part of the 2010-2011 class? Click here for more information.

School Performance and Emotional and Social Learning

Bounce — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 23:40:19 +0000

According to Edutopia, "Academic achievement and student behavior improve in schools with good social and emotional learning programs." Bounce for schools enables the school community to work together to improve emotional intelligence, including self awareness and social skills. The results can lead not only to greater enjoyment of school, by teacher and student alike, but also to improved grades and attendance.

June 2010 Update

Bounce — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 14:18:54 +0000

GIRL POWER!!! Check out the June issue of SKIRT Magazine- page 34, where Julia Martin shares some of her BOUNCE experience with readers!!! "Bounce is about realizing who I am and how I can impact people." Awesome job, Julia!!!

Ann Deaton just finished her training to become a certified TILT360 assessor and coach. This unique tool includes the primary dimensions of the four pillars of conscious leadership: Courage, Humanity, Wisdom, and Resilience. We are excited to be able to include this assessment for the learning and self-awareness of our next class of Leaders as Learners beginning in Fall 2010.

Kelly Lewis recently served as Capstone Director for the Leadership and Ethics program at Georgetown University. While there, she had the pleasure to work with 72 high school students from across the globe to explore and experience leadership.

Thank you to our friend, John Sarvay, at Floricane for featuring BOUNCE as a community profile in his recent newsletter. You can see his article at http://www.floricane.com/index.php/blog/post/community_profile_bounce

Empowering Your Leader Within

Bounce — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 14:26:40 +0000

The question we most often get about Bounce is “what is it?” Bounce is empowering the leader in every young person, woman, and man. That is our mission; that is also what our blog is designed to accomplish. So in this first blog, I want to share what you can expect from us in this space.

Our Bounce blogs may be:

Provocative---challenging you to grow
Informational---supporting you with resources
Applicative---providing a new skill or strategy to be applied in your life and work
Celebratory--- affirming and celebrating the evidence of the powerful leaders—young people, women, and men---we see every day in all aspects of our lives.

Each blog will empower our audience by including a question, a call to action, or an invitation and permission to take a risk or try something new. We know that this is a relationship between Bounce blogger and reader, and that it would be a boring relationship indeed if it were only about us. Our goal is to engage you in thinking about how to apply what you are reading in your own lives and work. We are hoping that you will share some of that with us too!

Each of our voices (Jay, Kelly, Ann) will be present in Bounce’s blogs. Jay’s voice may often be about the athlete, businessperson, and performance. Kelly will frequently focus on her own learning and practices, challenges and successes, and questions she is asking herself that are likely valuable to you too. And I will use my blogs to share my self-awareness, and examples of leaders, books, and events that will enlighten and empower the reader. You will sometimes see us building on, challenging, and expanding one another’s perspectives with our differing voices on a theme such as self-awareness, self confidence, responsibility, and curiosity that might be controversial and valuable to our readers. You will also hear an educator and parent’s voice in Nicki, and different young people’s voices through their own writing and interviews. We will be controversial, challenging, descriptive, or simply curious, and will let you know which is which. You can expect to see a blog posted at least twice each week, and occasionally three times or more.

What will help you to develop your best self, the leader within? Let us know so we can hear your viewpoint, and know what you’d like us to talk about as we share our own voices.

Meet Taylor Sealey

Bounce — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 14:16:59 +0000

Taylor Sealey is our Bounce summer intern. Taylor has just completed his first year at The University of Virginia, where he plans to specialize in leadership. For a young man who is still in his teens, Taylor has an impressive history of involvement as a leader in youth philanthropy. We are delighted to have his voice, support, and wisdom in our office this summer before he heads back to UVA in the Fall.