Wedding Zen

Involving Your Guests

2016-06-18T08:28:00.002-07:00

One way to make your ceremony even more special not only for your guests, but for YOU, is to include some features that involve them a little (or a lot) more.

1. They offer a wish, a blessing, as they touch something. They can even through something. Rice has been the tradition. But then the tradition changed, and we found out that birds would eat the rice and get sick, and then we started throwing bird seed.
Or confetti.
Or petals.
And many venues changed their policy... many changed it to, "No, you cannot throw anything."
But there are alternative to that:
sparkles
bubbles
paper airplanes (perhaps)
And if you're in a natural setting, you can use what's around. A wishing stone tossed into a creek.
A flask of water poured on a desert plant.
...

2. Include the guests in the vows. Make vows to the guests. Or have the guests offer their vows to you. If there are many guests, more than an intimate wedding that could have a "go around", the officiant could ask the guests, "Do you vow....?" Another option would be to have the guests write vows on a paper and put in a jar.

3. Include the guests via representation in a ceremonial element. For example, a hand fasting ceremony could include strands of symbolic material chosen by groups of the guests. The friends of the groom have chose.... to represent.... The family of the bride has chosen....

4. A sing-along, or a read-along.

for more ideas see... http://goo.gl/cDBiAY

Beautiful, Sublime, Salt Flats

2015-07-15T09:09:00.002-07:00

Zen Wedding

2014-11-20T12:45:00.000-08:00

What is a Zen Wedding?

Weddings may be the most "Zen" of all ceremonies. They are not only a commitment to giving, caring, and sharing– they are a commitment to the "Great Unknown" and to "not knowing." In marriage you are dedicating your life to the unknown, to something bigger than just yourself. Marriage is a commitment to moving beyond what we think we know, and who we think we are. It is an act of bravery and selfless love. It is the blending of two life paths, and two traditions, forming a new tradition that will be remembered and shared. The Zen weddings I perform are unique to the couple. They can be a blending of tradition and symbolism with the energy and intentions of the couple. Each is a very unique and profound experience. And no two are alike.

What is a traditional Zen Wedding?

There is no traditional Zen wedding ceremony. The traditional Zen ceremonies are the funeral rituals and the taking of precept rituals, which include lay ordination (Jukai, or Jukai Tokudo) and monk ordination (Shukke Tokudo). A religious Zen Buddhist wedding, though non-traditional, will most likely involve the chanting of sutras and/or dharanis and the giving and receiving of the lay ordination precepts. This religious wedding should be preformed by a fully ordained Zen priest, and is usually only preformed for their students or disciples, often with the sangha (the community) in attendance. This is not the type of wedding I have to offer, though I am happy to incorporate aspects of it.

Zen Music for a Wedding

2012-08-10T10:29:00.002-07:00

Zen music is anything that you like...

but when people ask me for recommendations of "Zen music" I think they usually mean something relaxing.

Below are some VIDEO and (further below) AUDIO examples of Zen-style music, with what I tend to think of as traditional Zen-style instruments – flutes, chimes, water, wind. (I leave the Zen-drums, loud gongs and cracking-sticks out of this list.)

Your Ceremony Music plays several important roles. Just as the bells and drums of a Zen monastery signal to many people changes of events and organize the progression of the schedule without the need for words, so does the music at your wedding. It tells the guests and attendees, as well as the staff, what is happening. Guests, attendees and staff can then just listen for the changes of the music to know it's time to move on to the next part of the event. Here's a basic list to help you get started:

Music Before the Ceremony begins. For this music, I'd recommend songs that are nice, relaxing, but inviting. Something people can listen to, or ignore and talk over. When people are coming in and getting settled, it's nice to have music that's relaxing but still interesting enough to ward-off any potential "I'm-here-sitting-alone" awkwardness.
Pre-Procession Music. This change in music lets guests know it's time to cut off conversation and start taking our seats. It lets the Wedding Party know that they need to start 'staging' (getting ready and lining up for their entrance.) Sometimes this is broken into two parts, and the music changes for the parents to enter and get seated. Usually, now is when the Groom and Officiant take their places up at the altar... or they lead the procession.
Procession Music. Sometimes lead by the parents, followed by Maid-of-Honor and Bridesmaids, Best Man and Grooms Men, (who may walk down in pairs or single-file), Ring-Bearer, Flower-Girl(s), and ultimately the Bride (who may be escorted by her father or another person).
Bridal Procession. The music stops and then changes to signal the Bride's arrival (all stand). The Bride then proceeds up to the altar. The music stops, and all guests sit, and the ceremony begins.

MOST IMPORTANT: It's your ceremony. It has to be meaningful to you! Have your event as traditional, or as non-traditional, as you want it to be. Play the music that you think is best, at the time and in the order, that you think is best. And sometimes it may be the songs of the world around you make the perfect background music for your wedding.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/lVeCx0bM7Xg
http://www.youtube.com/embed/kOsBcL7w9XE

Some of these videos have an ad at the beginning that your DJ can scroll past before turning up the volume.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/c_2Fp8wYKl8

For the procession, it's nice to have one song, or one style of music, that then stops and changes for the Bride's entrance.

During the Ceremony, it's usually best to have no music, unless it fits well with your theme and situation.

In much of this music you'll hear the shakuhachi. The Shakuhachi is a Japanese end-blown flute with a haunting sound similar to Native American flute music. Very peaceful and relaxing.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/9oa2JrO5_3k

http://www.youtube.com/embed/COKPLZ1FmWg

You may opt for no musical instrumental, and enjoy sounds (and sights) of nature, instead.

Videos, like these, give your DJ the option of supplying some visuals, as well. There will be enough to keep you and most of your guests occupied, but between the big highlights of the event (vows, dancing, cake...) , kids and babies might appreciate a little relaxing diversion from being bounced, and hugged, or from climbing under and over things.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/2A8bafliRy4
http://www.youtube.com/embed/bHvHfNJtaGY
http://www.youtube.com/embed/zmPzbZVUp3g

If your wedding is actually IN nature, then you will probably need a CD or MP3 to download.

Here are some audio sources:

My #1 recommendation is to check out the City Library. The Library is my personal GO-TO for meditation sounds and music.

Here are some examples of what you might find there:

Nature Sounds MP3 - Instrumental Native American Flute Song, Ocean Waves for Great Tantra by Meditation, Massage Therapy, Spa Nature Sounds Relaxation: Music for Sleep (Nov 1, 2011)

MP3 Music:$0.99

Download or play now in Cloud Player.

Meditation 3 - Tibetan Singing Bowl with Rainstrom and Sound of Rain for Deep Meditation, Healing and Relaxation by Radio Meditation Music (Sep 15, 2010)

MP3 Music:$0.99

Download or play now in Cloud Player.

Shakuhachi Water Meditations: Tranquil Sounds of the Zen Bamboo Flute by Riley Lee (2010)

MP3 Music (2010)Download or play now in Cloud Player.

Satori: Music for Yoga and Meditation by Riley Lee and Gabriel Lee (1997)


MP3 Music (1998)Download or play now in Cloud Player.

Music for Zen Meditation by Riley Lee (2003)


MP3 Music (2003)Download or play now in Cloud Player.

Haleakala by Riley Lee and Jeff Peterson (2008)


MP3 Music (2008)Download or play now in Cloud Player.

If you find anything that worked particularly well for your ceremony and celebration, please share.

After the Party - Hang Over Helpers

2011-07-22T16:11:00.001-07:00

Umeboshi, is a great cure for hang-over. Actually, a lot of the Japanese diet is - that's my theory.

Why? Your body in in a state of toxicity and high acidity... eat and drink alkali!

This articles tells about the majic of the umeboshi:
http://macrobiotics.co.uk/articles/umeboshi.htm

http://gaijintonic.com/2008/03/27/japanese-hangover-cures/

First Dance

2011-05-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

These are great. But yours will be even GREATER!

I hope these inspire you:

"You Are The One That I Want" from Grease.
This may now be the "traditional" (surprise) 2nd dance.
The first couple includes the whole wedding party (Bride's Maids and Groom's Men) for added fun!

http://youtu.be/ynnwhzWnnVg

http://youtu.be/FhB6SlR7350

Have a fun Mix and show off your talent!
With a mix like this, you'll have something ELSE to focus on and be more nervous about than the ceremony, or your new in-laws. :)

This couple really gave something for everybody in this mix!

http://youtu.be/e4OzHWvVyb8

Here's another mix:

http://youtu.be/wRYRk3S7hbk

Hip Hop dancing is awesome and fun to watch!

http://youtu.be/S1ie6NIvQfE

Dirty Dancing Fun

http://youtu.be/iv0MlvpZRqA

Loosen them up, and have your guests join you!
The second dance can really help segue into the fun part of the celebration, The Party. The sooner you get it started, the sooner everyone will be loose and having fun! (and the sooner you can slip away to your honeymoon.)

http://youtu.be/-iYg4K9O9jk

Zen for Your Wedding Day

2011-05-18T11:43:00.000-07:00

Focus on how you are FEELING. Check-In!

Nervous about being the center of attention?
Don't let the jitters escalate into full-blown panic!

First, I’ve never seen full-blown panic on the wedding day. So don’t worry about it. There will be enough to do and keep you occupied to steer you clear of it.

Second, Can you really get rid of the jitters? Well, Yes and No. In a way, they are part of our make-up and are unavoidable (to most of us). That said, they are one of the few things in life we can actually learn to practice controlling.

So, what are they, the jitters?

We all know what they feel like, we’ve felt them, but what's going on in our body? Well, what’s’ going on is our nervous system – which we all have– going towards the fight-or-flight mode. The Jitters are our body’s gearing up for fight-or-flight and this actually, if you think about it, makes a lot of sense. A lot of it has to do with being up in front of people – in other words, Exposed! Even with the first thought of standing up in front of others, our body starts gearing us up for fight-or-flight because... well, that's what our ancestors were bred to do out on the savanna. So even by thinking, imagining ourselves being exposed, we start immediately tapping into that stress response. By scanning the environment looking for threats (I won't name any names), we’re automatically gearing ourselves up. And then, when we’re experiencing the jitters, all our attention focuses on that, our enemy, our jitters. And it ends up being a vicious cycle, a feedback loop, which keeps us in the jitters.

Here are some tips

Alcohol:

I do not recommend, though it may be tempting, to consume alcohol before getting up to the altar, for two reasons. One is that it impairs our rational mind, our rational thinking. What if something outrageous happens? (Just kidding). Alcohol’s been shown to put our decision-making faculties in default, non-thinking, mode. In other words, we stop making rational decisions and are at the mercy of our nervous-system, and our fight or flight. This could be a mess. Alcohol also makes some of us feel a little fuzzy and off-balance, which is nice at times... but maybe not-so-good when you're saying "I do" (and think of the photos). The second reason to post-pone consuming alcohol is that it’s dehydrating. You want to stay hydrated so that you’ll feel better and think clearer. That is all just advice. If you do drink alcohol for nerves or tradition before the big walk I won't think any less of you. I promise.

Food:

It's important to eat ... but not right before you go to the altar. You do not want your digestive system competing with your brain and nervous system for resources.

Eat in the morning and then brush your teeth. You'll be glad you did. Couples often forget or just don’t feel like eating early on their big day. But even if you’re having a morning ceremony, please don’t skip breakfast. You think you have a lot to do before the ceremony? You’ll have a lot to do after, too. So keep you’re energy up. Often I see couples taking care of the guests, getting pictures taken, and forgetting to eat or drink water! You hear stories of couples fainting during the ceremony or reception… though I have never seen it, I suspect it’s due to forgetting to take care of themselves. Remember to eat a little, drink water, move around once in a while, and sit down when you're feeling tired or dizzy. It's a big day.

Comfort:

Surround yourself with things that make you happy. Especially if you're going to be away from home, have some comfort things with you. Your day will be disrupted enough. You might a well have something(s) be consistent. And don’t forget your little routines and rituals that you normally do during the day. Speaking of rituals, sports stars and rock stars (even golf stars) have little rituals, especially when they are "on" – because rituals work to help them (and you) relax, focus, and be your best! A good one to have before anything, especially before anything that might make you nervous or stressed-out, is to pay attention to your breathing and to pay attention to how you are feeling. (I'll offer some great pre-performance rituals and routines in Zen for Your Wedding Day – Parts 2 and 3)

Feel:

Shifting your focus to your body also starts you into the process of relaxation. And that’s what ‘having presence’ is: Being present. When you are present you are not caught up in thinking about the future or the past. How to be present? Just concentrate on sensation. Feel what you are feeling, inside. Butterflies? Heart palpitations? Just feel and notice them without judgement. Feel the bottoms of your feet touching the floor, or the palms of your hands. What the air feel like? What does the top of your head feel like? What is your balance like?

Breathing:

Focus on your breathing for a minute or two. Close your eyes and just breathe normally. Bringing your attention to your breathing does two things: 1) It will give you a little gauge on how you’re doing (tight and fast breathing usually indicates stress, while slow and relaxed breathing usually means you’re calm and at ease. 2) It will actually help you relax, center, and focus. Focusing on your breathing for a couple minutes brings your awareness inwards, and that helps you shift from a nervous fight-or-flight state to a relaxed, comfortable and confident state.

A quick tip: When you inhale your heart-rate goes up a little, and when you exhale your heart-rate goes down a little. So when you’re a little stressed, extend a couple of exhalations in a row. Breathe in, count up to five (or whatever). Then, as you breathe out, just extend your exhalation a little (e.g. count to six). Just squeeze out a little bit more air, and then allow your natural inhalation, your natural in-breath, to come.
That’s one way of controlling your body through your breath.

Bottom line: Focus on how you are FEELING. Check-In!

Please check back for more tips. And please share any others you have found to be helpful.

Why make it a normal wedding?

2011-01-19T15:51:00.000-08:00

Noah Fulmore and Erin Finnegan: the first couple to tie the knot while weightless.

Here's a fun article I found in the Toronto Sun. Maybe it'll inspire you.

Why make it a normal wedding?

Weddings come in all shapes and sizes, including eccentric

By Jill Ellis, Special to QMI Agency

Greg Curry was happy to pose as Gandalf the Great - of Lord of the Rings fame - and loved hiking up the side of a mountain to the sound of bag pipes, but he wasn't so good with being dropped by a cherry picker into a field of mud.

This dedicated officiant seeks to ensure that couples have the kind of wedding that is meaningful to them, but sometimes too much is actually too much.

Curry is a London, Ontario-based ecumenical officiant with All Seasons Weddings and has performed 70 ceremonies over the past six years. Most have been traditional religious nuptials, but a few are uniquely memorable.

The couple that asked him to dress as Gandalf the Great lived in Stratford, Ontario - a city permeated with theatrical flair.

"I could tell when we were doing the wedding planning meeting that they wanted to bring something up but were nervous about it. They asked, 'How do you feel about thematic weddings?' I responded: 'I'm fine with them as long as they are respectful and create a cherished memory for both of you.' They were big fans of Tolkien and wanted a Lord of the Rings-themed wedding. All the guests were also fans of Tolkien, and it was definitely one of the most original weddings I've been involved in and everything was so well done. It was an incredible bonding experience for them and their friends," illustrates Curry.

As an ecumenical officiant, Curry is sometimes asked to perform ceremonies that are centred on religions other than Christianity. One of these was a union between a pagan bride and a groom with a strong Scottish background. Theirs was a traditional Scottish handfasting that took place on a mountaintop in Collingwood, Ontario. The bride's party and the groomsmen ascended the mountain on its opposite sides and met at the clearing on top for the ceremony. The groom wore a kilt and was piped in.

The ceremony was based on the neopagan tradition of handfasting - the bride and groom's hands are bound with chords and they often jump over a broom and fire. Attendees stand in a circle that is rendered as sacred space by the priest and priestess.

"The ceremony was a real mix of religion and culture, so it really married their values and cultural frameworks," says Curry.

John Harris* performs many handfastings. He's also an officiant with All Seasons Weddings and a priest with the Wiccan Church of Canada. Based in Toronto, Harris has performed more than 600 marriages over his seven years as an officiant. This is primarily due to the fact that he is one of the officiants on the roster at Toronto City Hall.

"You can get a dozen couples or more a day at City Hall," he explains. "These are usually basic civil ceremonies."

While he does perform two or three handfastings for pagan couples each year, more often couples who want to add an original touch to their ceremony will ask him to simply bind their hands as a symbolic gesture during their civil service. "It's a good lesson on how to work together as a married couple," he says. "Usually the hands are bound for the rest of the evening. It represents the bond physically, emotionally and spiritually."

As a gay, married man, Harris is often called upon to perform weddings for gay, lesbian and transgender couples. He estimates that this demographic makes up around 10% of the marriage ceremonies he performs. One of his more memorable ceremonies was that of a lesbian couple.

"The wedding was the night before Halloween and they threw a big party - costumes mandatory. They stopped the party in the middle and I performed the ceremony. They had asked for the shortest legal ceremony possible," explains Harris, who was costumed as a cowboy at the time.

He also remembers conducting a wedding "on the coldest, darkest February day by the lakeshore." It was a promotional event as part of an ice sculpture show. "We were all bundled up in multiple layers with chemical foot and hand warmers in our clothes."

Some of the previously more avant-garde aspects of weddings are making their way into the mainstream. "Outdoor weddings have always been more intimate. Very large formal halls sometimes make the bride and groom a little nervous or distract from what they are doing. Often they've spent so much money on trappings that they don't enjoy the wedding itself and want it to go perfectly," says Curry, adding that the move toward more relaxed, outdoor weddings signals a cultural shift.
Some outdoor weddings are just too far out, though. Curry declined to perform nuptials that were to take place in the middle of a wet, dirty field at Mudfest.

"I was to be lowered by a cherry picker to the ground where the couple was standing in the muddy field, wearing my clergy robes. It was outside my personal comfort zone," he admits with a chuckle.
Both Curry and Harris note the growing inclusion of children as a central part of the ceremony, not just as flower girls or ring bearers. With an ever growing number of re-marriages, both officiants regularly perform ceremonies in which the non-bio parent says vows and gives a token to his/her stepchild(ren)-to-be.

Sometimes wedding planners have to get creative to make the wedding what the couple wants it to be. Curry remembers a marriage that took place on a man-made island, created by the bride's dad.

"This guy gets my vote for world's best father. The couple wanted a small wedding, about a dozen people. The guest list spiraled out of control, up to 130 people. The parents lived on a lakefront. The dad was a landscaper and he built an island with a gazebo off the end of their property. The wedding party went across the bridge to the gazebo and had the intimate wedding that they wanted, while the guests could see and hear from the beach." Best of both worlds!

*Name changed by request

article: http://www.torontosun.com/life/2011/01/11/16843841.html

photo: http://www.luxuo.com/travel/first-space-wedding.html

The Sapa Wedding of Amy and Jedd

2010-12-04T10:30:00.000-08:00

photos taken by Becca! @Rebecca Harbaugh Fine Art Photography

Adding Ceremonies to Your Ceremony

2010-09-22T13:43:00.000-07:00

Your Wedding Ceremony should be uniquely yours. You are making your own tradition, using the symbolism that is important and special to you. Your ceremony can be as simple or as complex as you want it. It can be brief and succinct, or long and elaborate.

Timing
Often the first concern of the couple seems to be the timing. They don’t want it too long for a couple of reasons, usually reasons of comfort. They don’t want family or friends sitting or standing in the hot sun, or anywhere, for an unbearably long time. They, the couple, don’t want to be standing in front of everyone for an unbearably long time. And above all, they don’t want the ceremony to be boring and tedious for anybody! I absolutely guarantee you, your ceremony is not going to be boring, at all! No matter how long or short it is. As long as it is a ceremony that agrees with you and expresses (symbolically or otherwise) what you want expressed; it will be beautiful, perfect, and interesting – to everybody. And it will go by a lot faster than you ever imagined. And then it will only be a memory. So make sure that it is just what you want, and don’t worry about anybody thinking it is too long, too outrageous, too short, or too anything. As long as it’s about you, it will be perfect!

What should your symbolism be? Your symbolism should express what you care about. Rather than have symbolism or an additional ceremony just to spice it up, I would rather the couple focus on just what is important to them. Sometimes it is the simplicity of their relationship that is most important. Sometimes it is about the complexity. Sometimes it is the connection with family – past, present, and future. Sometimes it is just about the here-and-now. “Growing, caring, sharing, giving, continuity, respect and honor” are just some of the aspects of a relationship that couples often like to symbolize through an additional ceremony.

If you choose to add an additional ceremony to your wedding ceremony, make it your own: Feel free to change the text, the order of events, the symbolism.

Here are just some examples of additional ceremonies couples have added. The list of ceremonies available to you is endless.

Blessings

Have a family member or friend, or several, offer a blessing(s).

Poetry

You, your family members, or friends can read poetry.

Candle Lighting

Often called The Unity Candle. The couple can each light a tapered candle, and then with it, together, light a larger (unity) candle. Other family members, friends, or all present can also help light (or be illuminated by) the candle

Sand Pouring

Similar to the Unity Candle. Variations could be adding sand or earth from your favourite places. You could invite guests to bring sand or earth from their favourite places.

Hand-fasting

Couples choose cords. Sometimes each cord has its own vow or set of vows for the couple. Any number of cords will do, so choose a number significant for you. The cords can be made of anything you choose, so the material (and color) can be very significant to you, too. The cords are tied together and then slipped off the hands and put in a special cloth or box. This is the ancient practice that brought us the phrase “to tie the knot.”

San San Ku Do (3-3-9, Sake Sipping Ceremony)

Traditionally, the officiant pours sake (Japanese rice wine) 3 times into a cup for the Bride and a cup for the Groom. The Bride and Groom then drink the cups of sake in 3 sips. The cups are then filled 2 more times, and each time the Bride and Groom each drink the cup in 3 sips. Three times three. The first cup of sake drunk by the couple is in honor of their union and future life together. The second is in honor of their parents. And the third honors their ancestors and the whole world.

Tree Planting

The planting of the tree symbolizes a couple's strong connection to, and respect for, the earth and all of nature. It also represents their commitment to the growing and nurturing of their relationship.

Bell Ringing

The ringing of the bell (or the Singing Bowl) can begin a silent meditation period of any length, or not. The emanating tone can represent the couple’s emanating love that grows to include all.

Vows to Family

Couples can include family members and special friends to be a part of the ceremony by offering vows for the couple to make to each other, or to others.

Your Wedding Ceremony is very special and unique to you. It is a very powerful ceremony that will have a lasting effect on all present. You should feel free to invent your own ceremony.

If you need help getting started, you can start by thinking about: What is important to you? Where are your favorite places? What are your favorite things to do together? How do you wish to impact the world? What are your favorite shared memories? Take symbolism and elements from your own life. If you would like help with this, that is what I'm here for! I'm happy to help you find the perfect symbolism for the ceremony that marks the rest of your life together.

Little Things

2010-09-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

Here are some "little things" you might not have thought about, but maybe should:

The Kiss: Mine was totally awkward! Also, think: make-up! A nice buss? A sexy dip with the kiss? A heart-felt peck? Take a minute or two to plan it. Just a little. But in the heat - of - the - moment, if things turn out differently than planned, that's okay too :)

The Walk up (and down) the Aisle: Tradition is for all the guys to walk on the right side, elbow bent at 90º, left hand in a loose fist on abdomen; and for all the gals on the left, with right arm threading from behind and resting on his left arm. Traditionally everyone walks at a normal, relaxed pace. The Bride usually walks slower, because of the dress, the shoes, and the sheer emotional thrill and surprise of it all. That said, feel free to bring your own personality into it. If you and your wedding party love to dance, maybe you should dance!

The First Dance: Not a must, but practicing your first dance can help tremendously. It will help you put on a great show and help you decide how to do that (sometimes awkward) segue of getting the parents and then all the guests out on the floor.

Fee's (and other things) the Guests might not be expecting: Keep your guests, and ALL people involved, in the loop. What kind of drive will they expect to the venue? Will it be somewhere where an access fee is required? What kind of shoes should they wear? (Will they be aerating the lawn with their stilletos? I recommend to bring an extra pair of shoes.) Is the area known to be very windy? ...

Wedding Location Surprises: You are expecting grass, but get astroturf. Should the venue have kept you apprised? I think so, but that doesnt make it reality... check in periodically with the people you are counting on for the perfect wedding. Maybe even visit the location before the date, if you can, just to make sure all is coming according to plan.

Ask the Photographer questions: will they be there at your beck-and-call, or will they have to leave, and miss important moments. A great photographer will gently remind you of what YOU said were important pictures to take. They will then, unobtrusively, remind you of the flow as the event unfolds. Invite guests to take a lot of pictures, too – just in case.

How can you be prepared for anything (and everything)? Control what you can. Let go of the rest.
Remember you will have to be spontaneous. Things happen. Reality is reality, no matter if it's against the grain of "How it SHOULD be!" After all, your sanity is more important than any little (or big) snafu. Take care of yourself. Strive to see all in a positive light.

A little planning, can go a long way. Even "full-on choreography" can be fun and useful. It helps you set the stage, even if everything manifests completely differently than planned.You'll be more relaxed and excited if you have a plan. You'll even be MORE prepared for the things that go awry, when you have a plan but stay flexible. Insert yourself, your personality, into your event by putting forethought into even the littlest of things.

Older Photos

2010-07-08T14:07:00.000-07:00

Snowbird

Red Butte Gardens

The Lowell, Park City, UT

La Jolla, CA

Eden, UT

Pierpont Place

Alta Lodge

Wedding Officiant: The Merrier Marrier

2010-07-05T13:14:00.001-07:00

What can you expect a wedding officiant to do?

Ceremony Location

2010-07-05T10:14:00.001-07:00

Location, location, location!

Some great venues where I've preformed weddings:

Camp grounds
Private residences

Some things to consider when choosing a location:

The formality of the wedding. Will the ceremony be casual or formal. Of course you can have a formal ceremony in the woods, but it might be more difficult.
Accessibility. Consider older participants and guests or people who may need special assistance. Will there be a lot of stairs or hiking involved? Is it wheel chair accessible?
Weather contingencies. What time of year will your wedding take place and what will be the most likely weather? Do you or does the venue have a back-up plan for an out-door wedding in case of rain, cold, or excessive heat?
Number of participants.
Travel distance and time between wedding and reception and lodging.
Scheduling. Time of day, or night. Day of week. Time of year. Special dates. To get a very specific and special time/day/date I strongly recommend scheduling everything well in advance.

Wedding Music

2010-07-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

The music during your wedding can be very important, especially if there are a lot of people. It cues participants. It let's everybody know what's happening and when there is a transition. It's in the background and pleasant and subconscious - not a blaring announcement. The more recognizable and traditional the music, the easier it will be for many, especially the older, people to follow along. That said, your wedding should be uniquely yours. That means chose music that you like, that is important or special to you and your wedding party. Your music can be recorded or live, played by a musician or group or sung a capella. Or choose no music. If your wedding ceremony takes place in a natural setting, you might really like having the music of the wild birds, or wind through the trees, or water flowing. The choice is yours.

Here's a great site with a lot of wedding song suggestions: http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-songs

Getting a Handle on Your Vows

2010-06-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

Vows! This is the part of the ceremony where you get to speak from the heart, in front of an audience. It's the part where you declare your love, your intentions and your commitment. It's the part everybody has travelled far and wide to see and hear. It's intensely personal, and intensely public. Arghhhh!

Don't worry about it.

You can write your own vows, or we can find others that are appropriate to you.

Your vows can be elaborate or simple. They can take any form or order you choose.

You can recite or read them yourself, repeat them after the officiant, or simply answer "I do" after a series of questions (or one big question).

How you handle your vows is up to you.

The possibilities might be limitless. But, for starters...

Here are 4 examples of ways you can structure your vows:

1) Simple Vows with “I do” response:

• “Do you ________ take ________ to be your ________? Do you…?” “I do”
• “Do you ________ take ________ to be your ________? Do you…?” “I do”

Often couples like to include the first line of these simple “I do” vows after their other vows.

2) Personalized Vows: (These can be read by you, or read by me to have you repeat. It doesn't matter who goes first, the Bride or Groom.)

Groom: (he speaks)…

Bride: (she speaks…)

3) Simple Vows you can repeat (this is just an example)

I, __________, take you, _________, --to be my husband, my partner in life --and my one true love. --Your Beauty, Heart, & Mind inspire me --to be the best person I can be. --I will cherish our union --and love you more each day --than I did the day before. --I will trust you and respect you, --laugh with you and cry with you, --loving you faithfully --through good times and bad --regardless of the obstacles --we may face together. --I give you my heart, --my love,-- my everything, --from this day forward --and all of eternity.

I, ___________, take you, __________, --to be my wife, my partner in life --and my one true love. --Your Beauty, Heart, & Mind inspire me --to be the best person I can be. --I will cherish our union --and love you more each day --than I did the day before. --I will trust you and respect you, --laugh with you and cry with you, --loving you faithfully --through good times and bad --regardless of the obstacles --we may face together. --I give you my heart, --my love,-- my everything, --from this day forward --and all of eternity.

4) More elaborate vows, with "I do" response: (this is just an example)

• Do you, _________ and ___________, pledge to help each other in developing your hearts and minds, cultivating compassion, generosity, patience, enthusiasm, and wisdom, as you age and undergo the various ups and downs of life, and to transform them into the path of love, compassion, joy and equanimity?
“we do”

• Do you pledge to support each other's journey, to continually shine light on each other's virtue, and support individual intuitions?
“we do”

• Do you pledge to work for the welfare of others, with all of your compassion, wisdom, and skill? Do you pledge to remember the harmfulness of ignorance, anger and clinging attachment, and recall the kindness of all other beings and your connection to them?
“we do”

• Recognizing that the external conditions in life will not always be smooth and that internally, your own minds and emotions will sometimes get challenged by negativity, do you pledge to see all these circumstances as opportunities to grow, to open your hearts, to accept yourselves, and each other?
“we do”

• Do you pledge to rest on each other in all sorrows and to minister to each other in all pain?
“we do”

• Do you pledge to preserve and enrich your affection for each other, and to share it with all beings? To take the loving feelings you have for one another and your vision of each other's potential and inner beauty as an example, and to radiate this love outwards to all beings?
“we do”

• Do you pledge to cultivate gratitude for the boundless gifts you have received?
“we do”

Special ceremonies can have their own special set of vows. For example, there are vows specifically tailored for Hand-fasting, Unity Candle, and Rose Ceremonies.

However you handle your vows, the choice is up to you! And I am very happy to help.

Ceremony: Traditional Structure of a Wedding

2010-04-29T15:40:00.000-07:00

The 4 elements of a Wedding Ceremony (or Marriage Celebration):

As long as you have these 4 , you have a wedding

everybody (the couple, officiant, and witnesses) congregates,
the wedding couple make vows to each other and engage in a symbolic gesture of commitment,
the officiant recognizes and pronounces the couple as married,
everybody celebrates this change in their lives and status,
everybody leaves

Ceremony: Traditional Structure of a Wedding

The order of these elements can change. The elements themselves can change.

Procession …
Greeting…“Welcome ….”
Wedding Message…
Vows
Exchange of Rings…(or other symbolic exchange)
Pronouncement
Kiss, embrace
Recessional & Introduction of the couple as married
Announcement of reception or other events to follow Any and all of this can change.

Personalizing Your Ceremony

Consider additions to the ceremony to make it more meaningful to you both or your families, such as…

Meaningful poetry read by the couple, family members or friends
A blessing or prayer offered by a family member or friend
Musical interlude by family members, friends, or others (Are there singers or other musicians in your family or wedding party?)
A symbolic event or gesture, such as a Unity Candle, Sand Pouring, or Hand-Fasting ceremony.
A “Giving away of the bride” by one or both of her parents which would usually come after the Greeting.
A public blessing or vow of support which includes the guests in the ceremony and encourages their participation.

Most Important

Most importantly, the ceremony should be meaningful and respectful to you and to all you invite.

"To do, to do!" - Legalities

2010-04-27T10:46:00.000-07:00

Before "I do": The Marriage License Where: Getting married in Utah, you need a Utah marriage license. You can get them at County Clerk offices. Most are valid throughout the state. See below for offices. What you will need: • I.D. for proof of identification and age • Parental consent (if you are under 18. See county website for more information.) • $50.00 license fee by cash, check, money order, MasterCard or Visa When: Marriage license must be used within 30 days. No refunds or extensions will be given. Unused licenses are still the property of the state and must be returned. Who: Both people must appear in person at the office. See these websites for locations. Salt Lake County Weber County Utah County Davis County Summit County After “I do”: Name Changes You will receive your certified copy/copies of the Marriage Certificate shortly after the wedding officiant has mailed in the signed completed certificate. You will then need to contact the Social Security and Department of Public Safety offices. You may also need to provide copies of your Marriage Certificate to your bank, employer, Post Office, insurance company, etc। If you have a passport you will need to update it. You will also need to update your voter registration. More links with Utah info: For more information on US marriage laws, please visit: http://www.usmarriagelaws.com/ For more information on marriage in Utah visit: http://www.utcourts.gov/howto/marriage/ For more information on marriage in Salt Lake County: http://www.clerk.slco.org/marriage/

"Five Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great."

2010-04-20T13:38:00.000-07:00

Here are some tips on having a more relaxed marriage:

Set realistic expectations. Acknowledge that there are just some things that you will not like about your partner all the time.
Focus on the positive. Make a list of 10 characteristics you actually adore—or at least tolerate—in your spouse. "When you turn your concentration to what is going well, it motivates you to keep going in that direction."
Discuss the behavior, not your spouse's personality. This allows your partner to change. And be careful to use the word "I" and not "you." (It is helpful to say: "I get upset when you leave your underwear on the bathroom floor." It's not beneficial to say, "You are a slob," even if it's true.)
Find the right time and place to discuss an annoying habit. Right after work or as your spouse is drifting off to sleep is not it. You might want to send your partner an email during the day asking to discuss a certain behavior later.
Be prepared to compromise. Didn't your mother ever teach you that you can be right or you can be happy? Choose happy.
If all else fails, go to bed mad. When you are tired you become irrational. You'll probably have more perspective in the morning.

Read the rest here

Wedding Zen

Involving Your Guests

Beautiful, Sublime, Salt Flats

Zen Wedding

Zen Music for a Wedding

Zen music is anything that you like...

but when people ask me for recommendations of "Zen music" I think they usually mean something relaxing.

Below are some VIDEO and (further below) AUDIO examples of Zen-style music, with what I tend to think of as traditional Zen-style instruments – flutes, chimes, water, wind. (I leave the Zen-drums, loud gongs and cracking-sticks out of this list.)

Here are some audio sources:

Here are some examples of what you might find there:

Nature Sounds MP3 - Instrumental Native American Flute Song, Ocean Waves for Great Tantra by Meditation, Massage Therapy, Spa Nature Sounds Relaxation: Music for Sleep (Nov 1, 2011)

Meditation 3 - Tibetan Singing Bowl with Rainstrom and Sound of Rain for Deep Meditation, Healing and Relaxation by Radio Meditation Music (Sep 15, 2010)

Shakuhachi Water Meditations: Tranquil Sounds of the Zen Bamboo Flute by Riley Lee (2010)

Satori: Music for Yoga and Meditation by Riley Lee and Gabriel Lee (1997)

Music for Zen Meditation by Riley Lee (2003)

Haleakala by Riley Lee and Jeff Peterson (2008)

After the Party - Hang Over Helpers

First Dance

Zen for Your Wedding Day

Nervous about being the center of attention? Don't let the jitters escalate into full-blown panic!

Why make it a normal wedding?

Here's a fun article I found in the Toronto Sun. Maybe it'll inspire you.

Why make it a normal wedding?

The Sapa Wedding of Amy and Jedd

Adding Ceremonies to Your Ceremony

Little Things

Older Photos

Wedding Officiant: The Merrier Marrier

Ceremony Location

Wedding Music

Getting a Handle on Your Vows

Ceremony: Traditional Structure of a Wedding

"To do, to do!" - Legalities

"Five Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great."

Nervous about being the center of attention?
Don't let the jitters escalate into full-blown panic!