weebalmom

Gone Again!

2010-08-04T20:18:00.000-07:00

Well she did it again, Ashley my 23 year old (even though she said she is 24) won't be 24 until the 24th, has moved out again. She and her friends have found a nice house to rent. I had to relive all the trauma of the first move. My baby out on her own..so young and simple, why does she want to meet the big big world again? Though she is well prepared and all my speeches have been given again, I will miss her smile and even the 30 plates and glasses that mysteriously come out from the room in which she dwelt(weekly), and dropped on the counter by the sink so they can be magically washed by the invisible fairy. I am now left with two, if you count my husband three to raise.
I will miss her smiles and her literal thinking. I will miss crawling into bed with her to watch a show I don't even get. Some show that only the "kids" find interesting. Though the gap between mom and daughter is growing less, she still has much to learn. If I follow with wisdom already learned I will continue to learn from all of my children. I have already been told she will be back and staying over on predetermined nights when she will find an excuse to be home with us. I look forward to anytime my girls want to be home. For the four walls that we call home, to me it is only a house, the kids and family that is where the home is.
So the journey for all of us continue. I am still on my quest to do new things and slowing things are changing. I enjoy it all. I love life, we all need to understand that we are connected. With my family I know I will never be without that connection. Thanks for reading Weebalmom

Something New!

2010-05-22T20:47:00.000-07:00

Well I decided to change a few things in my life. I can not expect things to change if I don't start the change myself. So I started small, like cooking on a different burner on the stove. Sitting on the other side of the church. Sending my poetry out to be judged. Going out and hanging with friends, instead of sitting at home. Jumping in the car and heading to the beach on the spur of the moment. I started taking steps that hopefully will take me places I have not been. Yes it can be scary trying new things. All about the fear of the unknown, and leaving the "safety zone". So far I have found it sooo interesting. I have seen a lot of changes in just a short time. I feel different about who I am. Now I want to change me for the better. Find my inner peace, find my real calling. I want to be a better person. I have had a few set backs, spending some time in the hospital again! However, I did use that time to reflect on where I was in life and where I wanted to go and where I wanted to be.
I have written before about how blessed I am. That has not changed. I think everyone really is blessed. I don't think everyone will think so, but if we only focus on the bad, that is all we will see. We never really see what others see. We always think someone else has it better. Little do we know about how someone else is really living. What looks wonderful on the outside may in fact be terrible on the inside. We should not compare ourselves to others, but should compare ourselves to God's plan and what he wants for us. As I have gotten older I understand that I will never ever please everyone. The only one I should really worry about is God and what He thinks of me. Knowing that really takes a huge load off of my shoulders.
I don't worry about will I please him or her. I now care did I do what God wanted me to do today? I think that is where the desire to make some changes have come in. I know God has been wanting me to make some changes for the better for a long time. Why is that when God says we need to change we fight it so much? But when a so called friend makes a comment on how we could or should be we jump to please them? I really think society right now is real messed up. We follow the crowd (the wrong crowd) because we want to feel apart of something, anything. God had never left us. Even though we have often put Him on the back burner. How patient is He to stick around when we walk or run down the wrong path? I am so thankful that He is so patient.
I have found that just changing a few things started a whole new world for me. I look forward to the places I am going and the new experiences that I will have. I am not afraid any longer. I look forward to the part I can not see as an exciting new adventure that I am finally ready to take part in. I look forward to my new outside as well as the peace I am feeling daily on the inside. What will this bring for me the rest of the year? Who knows. I know that I will find it true joy to experience all that comes with change. I will learn, laugh and love through it all. Thanks for reading. Weebalmom

Where am I going?

2009-11-01T16:20:00.001-08:00

Have you ever felt that your running in circles? I have even felt that I was time warped getting to another part of the house, not remembering how I actually got there. Does this mean I don't take the time to smell the roses? I would guess so...since I just looked all over the house and was only able to find a couple of plastic roses. Are we as moms just on such a super speed that our kids barley see what we do. This would explain how they think that dishes wash themselves an dirty laundry magically reappears folded in their dressers. It also explains how we can tell if even one child is "not him or her self" I don't know about you but I tend to carry their worries and woes on my shoulders, much like God does with us.
I really don't know how he does it... Love us in spite of ourselves. He always will bring bad to good, and always give you a way out when your in over your head. It is and always will be up to us to take that first step. I am one very grateful to God. He starts my day over fresh and holds not one grudge. Why can't we do that. I am sure it has a lot to do with what we think our rights are. We think, we deserve, we know, and we have a right to feel however we do regardless of others that may be concerned.
I have been working on me the last month with the Love dare book my husband and I are doing. At first I admit I was more interested in him taking that class then me....after all he needed it most. As I write this now I know I need it more than him. Now give me a pat on the pack for that one because that was pretty hard to admit. We as women are pretty good at getting our agenda's met. We have our smiling, eye blinking and winking ways. But because we can SHOULD we? I think not.
When ever the conversations revolve around our needs how can we truly meet the needs of others.
I believe we as a society have lost compassion, lost the freedom of care, for fear of the outcome. I have learned from many experiences that those who hate the most for sure need the most love and understanding. We are all part of the words. Each working off each others strengths and weakness. Why are we not better than this by now?
I know I am very tired of walking around the same tree. I want to try new things and meet new people, that can help me with my dreams and desires. I know your all are out there. We all have our connections. What are we waiting for? I also excitedly wait for where I am going!!

I'll ask God for my direction and how he so eloquently for sees my future.

Mother number 2

2009-07-13T06:04:00.000-07:00

Well the world has lost another beautiful soul. My ex-mother-in-law, who I always referred to as mother number 2, has passed on to a beautiful place. Audrey was her name. She taught me so much about being a great mother-in-law. One day when I am one, I hope to remember all she taught me. Even when her son and I divorced, her and her husband never treated me any different, even after I remarried. She was at my baby shower and they both came to the hospital after my son was born. I was and always have been since the day we met, been their daughter. I was blessed to be there with her when she passed. I was both wondrous and rewarding. I learned after she passed that her and dad number 2 never had a fight in 59 years. I choose at that moment to not fight with my husband again. I figured if some people could go 59 YEARS, I certainly can go a year or more. She passed on June 20th at 0205 am. She had Alzheimer's, I lost her conversation a couple of years ago. I never lost her love. It stays with me today and forever she will be a part of me. I celebrated my 16th birthday at her home with her baking me a cake (which she did every year after). I gave her three girls after several generations of just boys.
It was not until I got older that I realized just how much she taught me. Never did she interfere with the problems of my first marriage. She always followed our instructions with the raising of the girls, with the exception of maybe too many cookies. She always was there for me even after the divorce. She and now her husband continues to send me birthday cards. If they ever were disappointed by my actions I never knew it. They both came from such a wonderful generation. She was 82 when she passed.
When I was at the viewing she looked like she always had..beautiful. They played pictures of when she was younger..through her later days. Her smile was consistent. I was so blessed to be a part of her life. I know that she was an exception to many who are in constant battle with their mother-in-laws. To this I say to you..Choose to take the higher road and end the fighting. Show your children how they should act by your actions and your words. Your kindness can not only change you but your mother-in-law. Even if it doesn't you will be a better person for doing the right thing. For all you mother-in-laws out there ..you too do the right thing. Give your opinion when it is asked for and remember you are the example for you grandchildren and daughter or son-in-law. Wouldn't be wonderful if your in-law wrote this about you one day? Choose to spread peace in the family. Choose to set the better example.
There are many things in this world I wish I could "take back" but being Audrey's daughter-in-law will never be one of them. I would do it all over again just to be a part of her life. This is not to put dad number 2 down. He too was and is one of the finest men you could ever meet. I send this out as a thank you for all they both taught me.

On the upswing!

2009-05-21T16:45:00.000-07:00

Wow! Thanks to everyone that gave me such uplifting prayers and hope. Thanks to all from Cafemom! I am doing much much better and my glass I am happy to say is once again Half full! It is so funny how one day can seem to change the world. I have always said that God gives us new mornings to begin again. The great thing about life is that we can start over at anytime and anyplace. We can use our past, as lessons learned. I know that some lessons take longer to learn then others. But I am so grateful for each and every sunrise.
I never did get to tell you about the Great date that my husband surprised me with. The first Thursday of every month the local park will have date night. They show a movie in the park. We now are members! Yea! So all date nights are included in the small fee they charge. He had planned out everything right to the last detail. Every moment went off without a hitch. He even showed up at the door with a dozen roses. My daughter babysat and we had a blast! He had a picnic basket with goodies all ready. The movie was PS I love you. I loved that movie. I cried. My face was hurting the next day from all the smiling I was doing. I felt so loved and so special that night. It was like a really cool rondevu.
Just letting all you know, I know you are worn out. I know that times are really hard right now. I know that sometimes you just wonder how much more you can take. I know sometimes you may think to yourself, is it all worth it? My answer to all is just hang in there. Yes it is all worth it! Yes, all you do,does matter! Yes, even if not another person notices what you do as a mom, it will have lasting effects on our future, and yours. That all the praise that you surly deserve and need comes sometimes in small packages. Like a smile from that cute little face, just when you need it the most. Like a picture drawn just for you that you are not even sure what it is; but the pride on your child's face says it all. You know as well as I do that no matter what the picture really was meant to be, you don't really care. You will place it on the refrig with pride. Take one day at a time. If you find that just to much, which I have. Then take one hour or minute at at time. It is all worth it. Time goes by so fast. Don't miss a minute of it.
I keep a journal on all my kids, I have since birth. I write in it from time to time about what was going on, how I was feeling, new things they accomplished. I still have it even on the older ones. Yes I still am writing in them all. I look back now and don't even remember some of the hard times I eventuality had. But seems that when I wrote them they really bothered me. Then times I had so much fun. I also have a journal that I write just for me. I can even tell you how much I worried over stuff that now I laugh at.
I pray this to all, take a deep breath, and keep going. Ask for help from family and friends when you need it. Use everyone and everybody that will help. It is never a sign of failure to ask for help. Just the opposite is true. It takes strength to swallow our pride and ask for help. Take a break when you need it. I used to love nap time. Even if the kids did not sleep they were required to stay on their bed. It was my favorite time of day. Remember date night is as important as diapers and baby wipes. If you lose being a couple, your child or children can lose that wonderful balance that two parents bring. Even if it is just a walk around the block. I often went into the garage to yell it off. Look at me just full of advise all over again.. I guess I'm back. Thanks for reading Weebalmom

The bitterness of life

2009-05-17T16:26:00.000-07:00

I'm usually a glass half full type, however lately I find myself on the other side. So much has happened since my last post. My youngest boy has turned 9. My youngest girl has turned 21. I am at a point in my life (at least in this moment) that I demand more from myself and those around me. When you are demanding more, at least I, find myself trying to balance my wants and my needs. Seems as you get older the want and needs tend to blend together. I think it must be that most of our wants at this age are in fact needs. When I was little I never remember asking for the "cool" toys or even caring about them. I just wanted my close friends and my pets, of which I had many (pets). I am sure that most women my age ponder life. As I am sure men a little older do the same. I even now don't care about things as much as I do people. With this I must admit I am not as giving as I use to be. I also don't seem to have the same compassion that when I was younger flowed so freely. Am I in fact going to be one of those "bitter old women"? Or am I going though my selfish phase?
We live in a society that is all about getting and not as much about giving. Most children and adults today are spoiled. I know I am. I know that at any moment I can go to my frig and get a nice cold glass of milk. I can turn a faucet and cool water comes from the tap. I can flick a switch and my lights magically turn on. I have children who love me and a husband I am pretty sure does (remember I am in my half empty mood). Now that should prove it. He took me just a couple of weeks ago to a wonderful date night in the park. We watched a movie and laughed for hours. Yet here just a couple of weeks later, I get upset because he pulls out of a parking lot before I start my car. I of course said "what if my car did not start" "what if some guy attacked the car" he quickly replied "you have your cell phone you could just call me." I know he is right. I was not even dark. Why did that bother me so much? Am I that needy? This same women that has over come brain surgery a few times, gets upset over that! What is wrong with me? I all of a sudden feel like that little kid you see screaming for candy at the check out isle. Maybe it is because I will be 46 in a few weeks. Maybe it is because as we get older we think we have the right to do as we please.
I need to give myself some of my own words I am sure. I know I am great at giving advise, but I stink at taking it. However, if anyone out there in this wonderful virtual world of cyberspace wants to throw some advise this way....I'll try and listen.
Thanks for reading Weebalmom

Happened so Fast!

2009-03-28T16:29:00.000-07:00

Well it has been an interesting month. My father passed away on March 5th, very suddenly. He did have lung cancer but was told he had several months to live. This just shows you that only God has the book that says who stays and who goes. The day he died I was called to the hospital but told not to rush. I was told it would probably be a few days. He died before I got there. I only live about 30 mins from the hospital. I know he is better off and he is not in pain anymore. I know that when we cry when a person dies, it is for us, not them. We miss them. We want them back, it is all very selfish. However we all have that right to be selfish when we want. This last month I have had a overflow of feelings. My head has been in so much pain from crying that if I used bad words before, I would have used a lot more then I did.
My son also turns 9 on Monday. I really don't understand that since yesterday he was a baby in my arms. He is branching out as well. He has finally made some friends in the neighborhood and had one spend the night on Thursday. His first sleep over! They were up till 1am. But it was so nice to hear the kids' laughter in the house again. Since April has left, and my dad for that matter, I have felt so out of place, so detached from my life. I guess I need to get it together, I am not much for wallowing in self pity. I am more likely to look at the positive (with the exception of this month). I am thankful my husband is so supportive. I have not been the easiest person or wife to be with this month.
Thankfully I feel like I am getting back on track. I am going to achieve some goals that I have had for all to long. I'll let you know when I reach them. No, I won't tell you what they are. That's for me to know and you to find out...later. I also see my wonderful husband working on his goals as well. What kind of wife would I be if I didn't join along? The best birthday gift I can give my children is a mom and dad who are head over heals in love, again! I'll try and keep you all updated. Thanks for reading! Weebalmom

Up Up and Away!

2009-02-25T20:45:00.000-08:00

Well it has now come to pass that my baby girl will be moving out of state. She leaves Saturday. This will not be my first child to leave home, but it will be my first to leave the state. With all that is going on in the world and right here at home (my home) she will be missed. I now am thinking back to all the things I have taught her over the almost 21 years of her life. I know she is smart, beautiful inside and out and has always been my independent go getter. When she was two and we were in a mall, she had no problem taking off by herself. Oh, don't get me wrong she would look to see if we were around, but if she could not see us...she just kept going. Never did she cry or look afraid, but almost happy that she had free rein to go where she liked. Then as now I knew she was an independent thinker and would always take the path less traveled. She would make her own path in most cases.
As mom you would like to think that she will always need you. I know that my whole job as mom was leading up to just this moment, when she would be a self sufficient adult. Heck,I don't even think I am a self sufficient adult yet. I had my kids making their own decisions when they were 2 and 3. Now all of a sudden that doesn't seem like a good idea. If I never showed her how to make decisions.. would she still leave? If I never let her think for herself..would she need me for everything? But then what kind of a mom would I be? Who would take care of me when I get old and can't make my decisions anymore? Do I think she is making a good decision right now? It does not really matter. I raised her right, and good or bad my job is mom. She is her own director of her life (with God's lead I pray).
I will support and be here for her and all my kids, because that is what being a mom is all about. I will continue to pray daily for all my children that they stay under God's direction and protection. That 24/7 they can call. I know she will be scared at times, happy at times and wondering if she made the right decision. It would not be much of a life if she didn't experience these things.
I know her well enough to say I will miss her as much and even more than she will miss me. I know she will say "you know I still need you mom." I know that she will call often just to hear my voice, and I will do the same. She knows that she always has a place here when ever she needs or wants one (for a small rental fee). I know that she might even watch "Little house on the Prairie" just to feel closer to me or.. maybe not. I am very proud of ALL my children and being a mother is my favorite job in the whole wide world. This job however does not come without joy and pain, tears and lots of laughter. Saturday it will be all those feelings rolled up together.
So now I tell her (because she is one of my loyal readers and in person I will be crying to much, which we all know makes my head hurt like crazy!)April, I place my hand on your head and I ask God to lead your path. I want you to know how much you are loved by all of your family. Don't forget about your sisters or brothers they are already missing you! If you could do anything for me it will be this...Listen.. Listen to God's voice. Hear His words..Seek Him for peace when you feel no peace.. Seek Him for protection when you feel scared...Seek Him for understanding when you feel misunderstood. Read your bible (if you can't find it let me know before you leave and I'll get you one), the bible has all of life's answers in it. Don't you ever forget where you came from. All here who love you are also proud of you!
Don't forget to keep reading my baby girl! Thanks everyone else for your support during this time of transition. Weebalmom

Valentine's Day

2009-02-10T19:03:00.000-08:00

Happy "V" day to everyone out in cyber space. Just a little early, as a reminder so some..Don't forget! Not sure what is planned as of yet for me. When I asked my husband what he wanted to do. He said "nice relaxing day with the Mrs." I of course assume he was thinking about me. It actually sounds great! My man is very good at surprises and extras all during the year. Just the other day, he and my son made me a cake. When I walked in from work there they stood hoovering over the cake making the final decorations. The wording "I heart (the picture of a heart) you" I don't really care about the Valentine's day as much as I love all the extras I get through the year. My husband,Monte's famous words are the way to a good marriage is "unexpected gifts at unexpected times." I agree. I always am surprised and he still amazes me with the surprises he comes up with. One always better then the last. I work on it as well. I sent him 102 ways that I love you. He was impressed. Not an easy task to impress Monte. Though I love the challenge. This year not sure what I will do, but be sure I will come up with something.
May you all have many wonderful Valentine's events. May those without love find it. May those in love keep it strong. May those who are "falling out"of love Please fall back in!! Happy Valentines day!! Thanks for reading Weebalmom

KIDNEY STONE!!!!!

2009-01-23T21:20:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a kidney stone? Well I have had many. Per the doctor I just know how to make them. My largest stone was 10mm and the smallest was just this week at 4mm. Now I know for a fact that last month I did not have any. I had a renal scan in Dec to be sure all areas were clear before I had to meet another deductible. I knew early over the last week that changed. I knew I had a stone. I am very in tune to this old body and I know when it is angry about something. I was right! Wednesday after working a 16hr day I left my office (in the hospital) and walked to the emergency room and checked in. I also knew exactly where the stone would be. I told them they would find a stone about 1 inch from my bladder on the right side. This is exactly where is was AGAIN!! I seem to have a stopping spot for kidney stones right in that place. It will not pass, I learned that several years ago after three days of waiting in extreme pain. I must have surgery every time now. What I was surprised to hear was not only was that stone there but I had several stones in the right and left kidney! Now remember I was just cleared in December.
The doctor has sent the stones to the lab. It is not from soda or anything I eat or drink. My brother and all my family members have had them. My brother ONLY drinks water. It is part of genetics I have heard. So now what? Well on Wednesday night I was threatening to cut out my own kidney till I found out I had them in both kidneys. Usually the right one is the offender. The doctor had talked about putting me on a medicine that you take three times a day and has a pretty low success rate. During the pain of the stone after threatening to take your own kidney out, a pill three times a day does not sound bad. When the pain is gone, it sounds like a hassle to take some pill three times a day FOREVER. What would the cost be? Would this pill be like the horse potassium pill they give me every time I enter the hospital?
I am starting to get into natural healing more and more. I have had a lot of pain on and off since the aneurysm. It would nice to be able to heal myself naturally and quickly. In my spare time (which is usually spent writing this) I am trying to research this more. I even sell Herbalife, I have for 5 years. I need to start using the products more. I think our product Niteworks just might work. I will let you know. Well sitting up typing is not helping my pain (just got home from the hospital this afternoon). I will say goodnight for now, since its almost 1am here good morning also. As always thanks for reading. Weebalmom

The "Date"

2009-01-20T17:52:00.001-08:00

Well it came to pass Sunday night that my husband and I would have a date! Arrangement's had been made for the kids all to be gone for the night. School was out on Monday and the plans were made. Gift cards for Christmas and blood donations from my husband would have made this date a free night! Which just made the night even better. Dinner and a movie "just the two of us"....or so we thought. Now I am a pretty good planner and had even had a back up just in case.
So here we go..My oldest who is a special needs child was picked up 5pm, one down. My youngest had plans with a friend, then to be picked up by older sister April around 8pm. The first kink came when I could not confirm with his friends mother. I could not find her number and with a miss communication I thought she was calling me and she thought I would call her. By the time I found her number it was to late for my son to meet up his friend. No problem right? Older sister is just down the street from where we were to drop him off. Call to older sister April, "hey plans fell thru with Evan and his friend, can we drop him off now at 6pm"? "I am not home right now, I went to the mall since Evan was not coming over till 8." First snag. April offers to meet up at the mall and take him with her. Evan still upset about not going with his friend was not really going for that. Next question from Evan was "so what movie are you two going to see?" Lets see, how do we answer this...his sad face staring up at us..honestly we have not even picked a movie yet. We thought we would just see what was playing after dinner. So we get to the mall and pull into the Olive Garden parking lot. April was not far and ready to pick him up. Since she was already in the mall, I asked her to find out the movies and times so that we could make a decision. Of course she was on the opposite side of the mall. So we decided to drive over and look where they have the times posted outside. It is now about 6:05 pm. He of course sees that bedtime stories is playing, and honestly neither my husband nor I minded seeing that. But it starts at 7pm. So we figure no problem we will go get the tickets now, let Evan come with us and eat in the food court right by the theater. That was plan "b". Well we got the tickets, turned to the food court and saw it was CLOSED at 6pm, because it's Sunday of course. Both my husband and I were pretty hungry, Evan was holding out for the pizza promised to him by his other sister Ashley where he was to spend the night.
Now what we have less then one hour to find food and get back to the movie (I hate walking in late). Quick Chinese was the first suggestion, no out voted, next Arby's? no to expensive for what you get, next McDonalds or Burgerking? no ...how about Steak and shake? yes!!! yea! we all agreed. But have to go thru the drive in no time to eat in. It's 6:20 now. We hurry and get food, Evan just a milk shake still waiting for that pizza. We drove back to the movie parking lot and began our romantic night dinner in the van. Evan was more then happy to dip into our fries. Since we all know that Steak and Shake fries are the best. Now don't get me wrong, we were having fun. I blurted out well this is not how I picture this evening. Evan thought that was hilarious. Dad piped in an said I remember when I was 16 I would have given anything for this evening. Then dad said he would rather be here tonight with us two, then anywhere else in the world. I too, in that very same parking lot had a date when I was that age. So we laugh at how much we have moved up in thirty years. We finished our food laughing and joking around and headed inside.
I called Ashley his scheduled 9pm pickup and advised her and April of the change of plans to take Evan on our date FOR NOW. I let her know that we should be out before 9pm and to be ready to get him this would be Plan C. Sure enough I called when we got out and said Ashley can you meet us at the house to pick up Evan, she said well since your not on a real date because you have Evan why do I need to have me pick him up so soon? She said you can't really have a date if Evan is with you. I said exactly!!!...Now this comment would really be not out of character for Ashley..so I just had to wait for the light bulb to go off.....about 30 seconds passed and she said OH!! You still what to be on a date at home?...Yes, Ashley very good. OK mom I'll be there ASAP. This was at about 845pm. We all went home, I started doing dishes (our dishwasher just broke) and laundry. Monte kept Evan busy on the video games until Ashley got there. Now I won't lie, by the time she got there at about 10pm, my date mood was pretty much under a different attitude. You ladies know the one, sometimes your mom, and sometimes your wife. All it takes for wife mode to kick in on a date, is a few compliments and a few winks and handholding. Of course it seems to be Evan's challenge that if mom and dad are kissing to run to us, wiggle his way between us and give us that big huge smile that he owns. This he has been doing, since he was a year an a half. We have promised payback when he starts dating. Right now he still thinks it is real funny.
So Ashley asked if the evening was at all salvageable? I know she was feeling a little guilty. I did not mean to come off that way. I put such a high priced on time alone as wife and husband. How can one be a good mom or dad, if they don't work at being a good husband and wife to each other first? My husband has so many strengths in this area, he can make me laugh on the spot, he is the only man that has ever been ever to surprise me, and he does it often! He has a way to bring you right back down to what is important. So plan C worked out. No not as planned but it was something to talk about.
All of you moms and dads out there find your husband and wife role and go out on a date and have a great time. This date I will always cherish, Evan's laugh is contagious! The movie was great, even for us adults. Thanks for reading and may your "A" plan date work out for all of you. Weebalmom

Today

2009-01-15T11:55:00.001-08:00

Hi All,

Hope you all have been doing well. By doing well I don't mean financially, but doing well on the inside. You know the inside most will never see. If I drew a picture of my "outside" face and my "inside" face would they match? I know there are days when my faces are not blending well. I am working hard on keeping the two faces together. I think that might be what true happiness is, being true to your inner self. I for the most part am a very open book. I am the one that could never work for the FBI or anyplace where I would have to stay quite or lie. It goes against my true desire to talk. I don't believe in hiding much, I figure what is the point. Yes, there have been many times where I wish I have kept my mouth closed. There never has been a time when I was sorry about who I was. I have had several times in my life that were a huge blur. I know I don't remember some things I have said or done, which I am sure is for the best.
Why is it that people always bring up your faults before your attributes? Do we feel better as a society if we are standing over one other instead of beside one another? I know that I will stand next to a heavy person if I want to feel skinny. I will hang with the ones that I don't think are as intellectual so I can be. Is that just sad or what? Of course I never knew I was doing that until recently. Then I figured it out. Don't we all feel better though if we are being told by others just how beautiful or handsome or how smart we are? Don't we long for the feed back that we are doing a good job...what ever the job may be? I think that for the next week I will try my best to let at least one person a day know what a good job they are doing. If I call a company, what is the harm of saying "thanks so much for the help, you did a great job!"? Would it really hurt us? I know there might be several people that won't notice or even care, but what about the one person the will? Can we be the one who changes a life because of kind words?
I wonder how many life's could be changed! Thanks for reading Weebalmom

What up for the New Year?

2008-12-26T19:42:00.001-08:00

Such a long time has passed since my last blog!!...Sorry!! I had major computer issues. All resolved now I hope!
As another year passes, don't we all look back and wonder....what would we change? What day was the best? What did I spend all that money on? My credit card balance is what???? Did we do enough to help each another? How many times did we cut down one another instead of lifting them up?
This is also the time we start thinking about the New Year resolutions. I over the last several years, have not even made any promises to myself. I know all to well tomorrow may never come. I also know I forget what I need to do if it is not written down. I know too that I need a place to keep all my list or I can't find them. I look forward to each day, though I can do without some of them. I often wonder what is in store for me for tomorrow. On the bad days I remember when Jesus walked on water... Peter was able to walk to Jesus on water, but when Peter started looking at the storm around him he sank. I take this as when we focus on the storm around us we often give up or fail. When we focus on Jesus we can do amazing things!
Yes I know that in the midst of the storm it is very hard to focus on Jesus. It is wondrous to me that God never forgets us. If I myself, add up all the hours in a year (or even this last year) when I was spending time just praying and being with God, I don't think it would even add up to two weeks. Yet I know he is always with me. I would like to think I made good company, but I know He puts more into this relationship then me. Yet why is it that He is the first one I think of when I need something? I am sure that is why so many have "found Jesus" in jail. When your flat on your back the only way to look is up!
This past year has been very hard for me on many levels and in many ways. I felt many times that I was walking up to the top of a very tall and large mountain. Now don't get me wrong I love the mountains. I don't love the climbing but I love the view at the top. I also love the downside walk back. I know that I can't have the wonderful view without the upward climb. Let all just pray that I am only a few feet from the view. I also know I probably missed a lot of things on the climb up. You know the things that would have made the climb better. Wildflowers, tall majestic trees, beautiful spider webs crossing tree to tree. I pray that for everyone today that what ever mountain you are on that you enjoy the walk up and the view on the top and the ride down. Happy New year and may we all have many more. Weebalmom

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

2008-11-30T10:45:00.000-08:00

I am just wondering if we all have been as thankful as we should be. I am thankful for a lot over the years. This Thanksgiving I found out my dad had stage four lung cancer. Yes I am thankful for the fact that I might get to spend more time with him, than would not have been possible before. As I told you before he is a bit on the stubborn side. But I think now I got him where I want him and he will give in a bit easier. I could easily go over all of dads faults (and he mine). I choose however to look at the great things so far he has done with his life. First and for most he had some wonderful children. 5 that we know about, but I am sure there might be others. He has had a lot of time to think per my step brother and is sorry for all the wrongs and bad choices he made. I say Forget the past, if we all continue to look behind us for what we missed as children we would all be running into the wall ahead of us. I can should no longer hold on the the bad days of my childhood, than hold onto the bad food in the refrig. It would not do anyone any good.
However on this day if I told him how much he was love and cherished in spite of his faults. Not only would I feel better, maybe it would give the strength he needs for the fight a head of him. You see we are not in this world to tear down our family and friends, but lift them up. I know I am not perfect to this respect, but I promise to try harder. I ask my father, if he ever reads this to be as strong as he always wanted us to be. To be as kind as our heart will allow. To do as I say and not as I do and be a good patient. To lean on family that Love's him just because he is our family.
I do not have a clue what the future holds. I only know I am responsible for my little part in it. I will be the good daughter and smile even though I feel like crying (mainly for time missed). I will not sit in judgement because that is not my job. I will sit by his side as long as he lets me and let him know how much I do love him. I know he would say he is not deserving. However who in this world is deserving? I know people who think they are, but are they really? My father deserves love, because he did give love, he deserves strength, because he taught me strength, he deserves happiness, because there were truly happy times. He deserves mercy, because he showed my brother and myself mercy more than once. I do not know how this will work out. I do know I will do my best to be the daughter he raised, and I know he is proud of that.

LIFE'S LITTLE EXTRAS!!

2008-11-15T12:55:00.000-08:00

Have you looked around yourself lately? Have you really seen what is going on around you? I started really looking a few days ago. I have found several of life's little extras! 1, seeing a baby in a stroller smiling and cooing at a ceiling fan. 2, a little boy running in a park thinking he is faster than superman.3, a couple finding the spark that they had when they first fell in love. 4, a caterpillar heading up a tree circled by several amazed children and a few parents. 5, a puppy running through tall grass. 6, a small child trying to talk mom into the " only toy he would ever need" "he would never ask for anything else for like a year" if he could just get this one. 7, a family praying before their meal at a local restaurant. 8, having family game night and tuning off the television (memories that I will always hold). 9, being told that I was the most beautiful mom in the whole world by my 8 year old son. 10, being told by your 20 year old daughter that I am the best mom ever and that she should always listen to my advise.
If you have noticed I did not see anything bad over the last few days. I know it's there. I know it is easy to find. Pain, anger, hate, evil, yes it is all around us. But as much as I can I choose to look for all of life's little extras. The good people hold. Helping out a total stranger, feeding the homeless, helping the environment. I hope you will join me and focus on the good and decent things in this world. Let all anger go. Forgive everyone. Unforgiving never will hurt the person you want it to, it only hurts yourself. Smile when you feel like crying. Laugh until your stomach hurts, it is great for your abs. Say I love you more. Never let a moment that comes for love go by. Be the last one to let go of the hugs you get. So in short, Hug longer, Laugh more, Love without conditions, Forgive just because it is the right thing to do, be kind to your enemies, pray for a stranger. May you enjoy all of life's little extras!
Really.... look they are all around you! Have a blessed day! Thanks for reading Weebalmom

Highest Calling

2008-10-31T20:13:00.000-07:00

The highest calling I think anyone could have is being a mother. Some come by motherhood by accident, some by a violent act, and by of by course love, some by a combination. The reason really does not matter. The truth is as we all know not everyone is meant to be a mom. I know that being a mom is one of the greatest joy in my life. Being a mom has also been one of the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I look at motherhood as a higher calling. Not for everyone, but those blessed by it are forever changed. I watched my mom work three jobs when I was growing up just to barely make rent. I watched her sacrifice daily for us, her wants and needs were always after ours (and her's rarely ever met). I think I have most of my strength from my mom. Seeing all that she went through (mostly from my dad's doing) she stood strong, at least in front of us. We always were met with a smile and I always knew I was loved. As we got in our teens I saw who she was. I know there were days where she just did not want to do it any more. She was just exhausted most days. Raising three kids in the 70's mostly on her own had to be overwhelming. Of course kids go with the flow, it was not until I was older did I truly understand all she went through.
I have been blessed to have two great husbands (my first and current). They were and are always there to help out. I know why God wanted there to be two parents, it makes for a better balance. Now a days I think parents are more selfish then when I was growing up (me included). I make sure I have time to myself. Of course all the "books" will back me on this. In the 70's I doubt that you could find a book like that. Today with all the divorce and financial hardships, I think the kids are adding to an already overwhelming day. We all need to take the time to enjoy our kids. Tell them how much they are loved. My children have taught me so much. Each one different, each with their own lesson for me. I know it is easy to forget our kids are looking up to us. They watch our every move. They are the perfect mimic. We need to turn off the TV and spend time with them. They grow so fast and the time now you will not get back. Now that my girls are all adults it is harder to remember the hard times. The times I would put them all down for a nap at ages of 3, 2, and 1 and go out in the garage and just literally scream. There were times that they made me laugh so hard I almost wet my pants. There were times, more then I can count where I made mistakes and told them I was sorry. There were times when I was just plain scared and not sure what to do. All this is normal. I asked around. We all get scared, tired, exhausted, frustrated, I kinda of put it in a big picture like giving birth. After all that you go through with the pregnancy and giving birth, once you hold that baby it was not so bad. As the days go on the giving birth pain fades. I am still raising the girls even though they have a place of their own. Heck my mom is still raising me and I have been on my own since I was 18. The old saying is true the older you get the smarter your parents are. I am sure my mom would say she ask for more advise then I do. However what she does not realize is I am just giving her the advise she already taught me.
I have been so blessed to have such a wonderful mother. She is also a wonderful grandmother. She is remarried and has more time on her hands now. She has a wonderful husband and money is no longer a problem. Some of her biggest problems now is scheduling vacations and travel with her husband. It's funny how things can turn around. How we can in one part of our life struggling and the next high on the hog, or vice versa. How we get to a point when we are just not sure if we can go on. How after a good nights sleep (a luxury when the kids are little) we think we can make another day.
Those of us blessed with this Higher calling, stand strong, take breaks and breath, give the kids the best part of you, save the rest for a hot shower. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. We used to shut off the TV and have game night or day. Whenever the mood hit we spent time together. One of my very favorite things to do and still do to this day is color with my kids. The girls still love this. Coloring is a great way to get the kids talking to you. Coloring is also better then any drug I've ever taken. It is amazing what paper and crayons can do to bond a relationship. I also have a journal that I write in another great way to vent. Blogging is not bad either.
I know a lot of you are having a real hard time right now. The economy and all that goes with it makes it really hard to not take it out on the kids. If you find yourself "losing it" make sure you say your sorry, it is good for kids to know parents are not perfect either. Then, grab a coloring book and some crayons and go for it. If you do a good job on the picture and stay in the lines put it on the refrigerator and stand proud! Thanks for reading Weebalmom

What a time I've had!

2008-10-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

http://www.myspace.com/reloc.cfm?c=2&id=97331112-791e-4969-ac4d-9a4683e136c4

Well I have been out of commission as they say. I awoke in ICU. That was scary enough but I had no idea how I got there or why I was there. I did have a kidney stone which was removed 10-07. then was hospitalized a day after just for care sake. The next thing I remember was my husband telling me I am going to the hospital. Now as a born fighter this was not his smartest move. I had all the reasons for not going and he had all for going. He was trying to dress me at 4am, and wake our 8 year old, I was kicking and fighting off his attempts at sanity. Not only was he a born fighter but he married one 12 years ago. This is where it gets fuzzy, he did tell me that I stopped fighting once I was dressed and walked with him to the car. When asked if I wanted to sit in the front or back I said I sit in the back. Other than that moment and this next one I don't remember a thing. As I was evidently pretty sick I was in the trauma room of the local hospital I awoke to a pastor friend praying over me, then went back out and woke up 3 days later in ICU. I have been told that I had visitors and I even spoke with them. Had to be close friends or family I'm sure. I know that as the days go by I will hear the stories of things I did or did not do. I read some of my chart which said I was asking for drugs, which is so funny to me because I don't even remember talking. My fever for the record a whopping 104. That right there could explain somethings.
I guess I had a blood infection and pneumonia, can't just get one thing at a time. What has changed is my feelings. I would be dead or in a coma if it had not been for my wonderful husband taking care of me. I could only imagine what he went through. He is so not medical. I come from being all medical terms and such. I could only think that he saw is wife sick again, and wondering what this time. I know he is stronger then he used to be mostly just from him having a stronger walk with God. However, it would be nice to know I had something to do with it. When I said thank you to him for taking me to the hospital he smiled and said "no problem, you weren't my girl" How he knew when to take me, is still beyond me. But I have been blessed by his selfless actions and true agape love for me. He has taught me about agape love, something I had never heard of before him. Pretty cool I get to see it in action.
Another miracle happened while in the hospital, my father whom for the record was a great father just not the best with his decision skills, called to say he was sorry for being a bad dad. You would have to know my dad to understand what a call that was. He also called my sister with the same confessions. He did not know I was in the hospital at the time he made the call. I had forgiven my dad years ago. Yes he did make some bad choices and his interest usually were first. But I never doubted if he really loved me or not. I always knew in his way that he did. As an adult that was all that really mattered to me. As a child it was hard knowing but not always getting shown. My children know and were shown all about love. Dad taught me that. I have many many lessons I took from him. Along with the best sausage dressing you could ever make. My children will carry this recipe down through the generations. That respect is earned as parents. I knew that if dad had money of any kind in his pocket he would buy the whole baseball team lunch, just in case someone there did not have any money. I learned to tell it like it is. This one has gotten me in trouble more than most but I have learned the art of smooth talking. That I for sure got from dad. He could sell water to a drowing man. I have been told the same.
So quite an eventful two weeks and I have tomorrow as a deadline for the google contest, which really does not have any money in for me but the joy of knowing you helped someone else. I am still thinking on this one. I should be in bed right now since I need to be up for work in 5 hours. Still feeling a little weak but getting back on my feet. Thanks for the read. Weebalmom

Google contest

2008-09-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

Have you seen or heard about the 10 million dollar Google contest? It reads "May those who help the most win." You can go the Google.com and see the rules and such. It got me really thinking. Do I have something to offer? Can I or all of us together come up with something that can really change the world? I know that it only takes one person to change the world, so if we put thoughts together how much better would it be? I look back at my life and wonder have I changed someone life for the better? Have I changed the way they think? I have been told as a parenting coach, that my ideas have changed their parenting ways. If that is true, does that mean I have, in someway changed the child's future? I know from time to time I think.. has my life to date really made a difference in someone? My family will of course say yes. But I am not really sure that counts. After all, family is supposed to be on your side. Though I do know that is not always the case. Remember the movie It's a wonderful life? George got to see the difference he made in the life's of others through that Angel of his. Wouldn't it be so cool to know that you really did change someones life for the better? I know that when I had my aneurysm, I had people in my hospital room daily telling me how much they loved me and would miss me if I was gone. It was almost like I got to have a funeral and did not have to die. Why is it that we only tell someone how much they mean to us when they are close to death? Or when we ourselves are close to death? Why are we so afraid to share feelings? Or are we just so busy with "things" that we think there will be time to tell them later? This contest is all about having a better world to live in. Are we afraid to be made fun of if our idea is out of the norm. Is that not the point? Things right now are not really going that great for most people. What can we do to change that? I have seen groups of people stand with not the least bit of direction, until one person with enough enthusiasm and faith to stir the whole crowd their way. I think people as a whole want to follow or be led. There are those born to lead, those born to follow and those born to change things for the better or worse as the case may be. Which one are you? Which one am I?.....I for sure, am not the normal specimen of a human in today society. I love the old shows when violence and profanity was not even allowed. I love only happy endings. I always want the good guy to win. I want to believe we all have good in us. After all don't we all start out as a baby? That at one time someone made goofy faces over. What changed? How can we change at least some of it back? I am willing to listen to all ideas. If I win this contest, that would take care of my debt free miracle from my last post! But better than that, I would know my life did in fact change someone life for the better! If I could change many many life's for the better how great would that be? Thanks for reading, Weebalmom

One day at a time

2008-09-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

It is 12:16 EST and yesterday has past. Did I like yesterday you ask? Well it did have highs and lows as most days do. I managed to laugh a lot, get frustrated a few times and used profanity a few times. The last for me (profanity) is something I rarely resort to. I find that it never really helps the situation and often makes it worse. But yesterday it seemed to easily flow from this Christian mouth. With an immediate repent and forgive me Father. Knowing what I know, and knowing that I will always be accountable for all of my spoken words, why did I make such choices? I know that no one can truly make me mad or sad or happy, all the emotions I choose ...I choose on my own free will. I started thinking was it to help me fit in with my peers? Was it to "impress" them with my large vocabulary? Or has my guard been so taken down that I lapsed into some time warp of the 70's where it was so common? I really think that was why there were bibles in every hotel room, in every town, in every state. It was your only hope, to read the bible and ask for forgiveness for all those words and deeds that were done outside of God's will. Everyone had a bible back then. Not that it was always used but we knew where it was if it was needed. I used to have such control over my emotions, but lately they seem to overrided my mouth. Now I can blame my three brain surgeries and it just may be the cause. After all how much work could my brain really take? It has taken a toll on my Spirit for what I feed my Spirit I will soon digest. This surely explains the bad taste in my mouth yesterday.
So today, now 12:30 I have asked for forgiveness for my yesterday. I will take a deep breath in and plead for laughter and joy today. I will take my time and post some new items on eBay. I will laugh and play with my son. I will tell my family how much I love them, even when they too make lapses in judgement. We all seem to place so much importance on tomorrow and what will happen. For now I just will take time out to take care of today, one minute, one hour at a time. Yesterday I worked a 16hour day. Today I will take these thoughts to bed with me and pray for sweet dreams. It also would be extremely cool if I could wake up debt free with a personal massage therapist at my beck and call. I believe in miracles, I have had them my whole life. I myself could be called a working, walking miracle. So alas I head off to sleep. I will awake slowly and well rested, and hopefully by a doorbell ringing with Publishing Clearing house at my door! Goodnight, or good morning as the case may be with you. As always, thanks for reading Weebal

Have you ever wondered?

2008-09-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

Going through this week, I have been doing a lot of wondering. Have you ever wondered about choices made and choices your going to make? I know that who I am today, is a direct result of who I was yesterday and all of my past. Where my strengths are others may have a weakness. Where my weakness are other may be strong. I really think that is why we all need each other. Days past we cared about our neighbors and we knew about where they worked and how many kids they had. Now, we barley know how many even live in the house right next door. Days past grandparents took care of the kids and often lived in the house so mom and dad could work. There was a generational teaching in place. Now most parents and grandparents are hard at work and the children are left to "figure things out." We all know how well that is working with just about every psychiatric facility at capacity daily. I have seen 6 year old's and younger being placed on heavy drugs for there inability to deal with things. I have seen children lash out at their parents to get "their way."
Most parents (if there is even two of them) are so tired by the time they come home, they too lash out at the children. I see people staying in their homes with a major storm coming because they have "things" to protect. Why is there such an importance on things and not our family? I remember when there was a disaster that the only thing someone cared about was family getting out safe. Now you'll hear "we lost everything" when the whole family is standing by their side. What is "everything" to us now? Is everything about what we have? Or, is everything about who we are? I tell my children that your word is the most important thing you can have. Your integrity is what matters. Doing the right thing even though no one else is looking. We used to not even care if we were noticed when we did a good deed. Now we look for someone to notice. Some even post good deeds so they can be sure to let others know "just how good" they are. When you look in the mirror are you true to who you really are?
I understand with the world in it's current state is very easy to go with the flow of negativity. I understand that we will place a higher importance on our needs above the needs of our neighbor. I too am just a guilty of this. I too could not even tell you four of my neighbors last or first name's for that matter. I too keep my eyes closed and pretend I do not see. I truly think we all want more of a connection with others. Truth be told we do all come together when there is a major disaster. I wonder, is that why God allows such things lately? Does he just want us to get to know each other again? Does he just want to put us back to where we belong, caring for one other with our actions, not our hollow words?

More about me

2008-09-14T14:53:00.000-07:00

I have 5 children. My oldest is 23 and special needs. She was born in my 23rd week and was a whopping 1 pound 4 ounces. I was told over and over she would be “born dead”, when that did not happen, she will “die soon”. Well 23 years later and 4 siblings and 4 miscarriages she is still going strong. The hospital overdosed her on meds (no doses set for 1 pounder’s back then) and she is paralyzed from the waist down, blind and has CP in her arms. She is smart and does not miss a trick. She did not talk until she was 6, but it was a full sentence “Mom, I love you” a week later she was kicked out of speech and was speaking better then I do.I have had more than my share of IEP meetings and more “discussions” than I care to admit. My biggest problem was they never had (and as far as I know still don’t) a scale for a blind and physically challenged child. So what they do is use both scales and blend the score. Which is so far off it is not even funny. They would mark her off because she did not reach for the red ball, on one scale. On the next they would mark her off because she did not know the difference between the shoes and socks in front of her (it did not matter that she could not see them). Or mark her down because she did not make “use” of her surroundings” Good one, huh. It did not matter that she was in a wheelchair and we had to push her.I too have thought about writing a book several times. But alas I write like I talk, not a great mix for the editors. Back 23 years ago they told me to place Amy in a home and forget about her. “It will be easier.” Well as stubborn as I am I would never take the easy road. God only knows how much I seem to like the long road. Though, as I age, ever so gracefully, I have learned that God might be a bit smarter then me.My youngest Evan is 8 and the smartest little boy you would ever want to meet. I have a lot of guilt lately, not sure what that is all about. I want to be home more. We home schooled him last year. Which I loved and so did he. This year he is in public school and loving it even more. But I want to be with him more. I know how fast time fly’s. Ashley is 22, April is 20 almost 21 and Andrew is 18. All in blink of an eye. The smartest thing I ever did was start journals to all of them since birth. I bought a blank page cloth journal (because those preprinted baby books just did not fit Amy) and I write in it, to them. They, to this day they have not been allowed to read it (but I am sure the have snuck a few peeks). But the pages are all dated and it usually starts with Ashley guess what you did today…. I now look back through the pages and can’t believe some of the stuff I wrote and some I don’t even remember. One day I will give it to them, I told them when they got married or had a baby of their own. But,I still write in it, so I’m not sure I want to give that up. I figured if they are ever famous (and I know Evan will be he is an actor/model professionally since 4yr’s old) I have their life story already written. When I do pass it on, they will also know what I was feeling during that time in their life. Why I made the choices I did and why they were punished for certain things but not others.I had a brain aneurysm in 10/06, that ruptured, I was told I would probably die. I really think doctors need to think more positively:) My first thought, no lie was “I should have had more cake” (my weakness), my next was, Evan is still too young. I did survive with no neurological deficits and am back to work full time. My life could be such a hallmark movie. I am 45 and wondering what tomorrow holds, but I don’t care as much as I use too. I care more about, what I am doing today. What choices am I making to be who I should be? What kindness have I showed to someone TODAY? Am I being the best wife and mother to my family today? I can honestly say no to that one. I need to work on my BA (bad attitude) when it comes to my spouse.
Lately I have been saving some stamps (long story, but basically it means holding things against him and not letting him know, then cashing them all in at once, better to let him know about the stamps as you get them instead of giving him a book) Old time “green stampers” will understand this. I find my self talk a little off. I can't really put my finger on it. He is doing almost all the right things yet...I don't think he is on the same page with me. It use to be if we were together 24/7 we would never fight and would just have the best time. Matter of fact the only time we did argue was when we did not get enough time together. It did not even have to be alone time, but just time hanging together. We would laugh all the time.
I really think my aneurysm changed a lot of that. I guess I could be pretty mean on drugs. I detached from them (my family) and myself. I became so frustrated with me, how could I laugh with them or him. I didn't feel he really understood, or even to this day really understands what it is/was like. I mean they cut your head open, shave off your hair, and do major brain surgery. I am still trying to grow my hair back (it grows soooo slow). I know he loved my long hair. Maybe that's part of it. I don't think I can be who he needs me to be right now. I wonder if it was just too much for him. I mean watching someone you love going through so much and not being able to help at all. He so much wants to do the right things. But you know as women we always have one more thing we need. He says that no matter what I ask him to do, it will never be enough, there will always be something else I want him to do. I can't imagine what he is thinking sometimes.
I have not really asked him to do anything lately. But he has been doing a lot around the house. I really just don't care if things are done or not. I don't want to fight about anything, did I tell you fighting, crying or any increased emotion just make my head SCREAM with pain? I would hate to say I'm giving up, that's just not in my makeup. But I might say that I am taking a break, working on new life plans. Doing a lot of self examination and evaluation. I learned a long time ago working on yourself is always more productive then working on someone else. The cool thing is the odds of suceeding on yourself improvement is always increased by the self action. Well I guess I have rambled enough now. I am sure I will think of more to say soon. Weebal

My Very First Blog of My Own

2008-09-13T19:57:00.000-07:00

Hi to all that read this. May we come to learn and grow together....I have been wondering lately who I am. Why I am here and where I am going. I think we all at one point of time or another have had these same thoughts. I am a Christian, a mother of five, a wife, a poet, a parenting coach, a communication specialist, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a aunt, an advocate for my special needs daughter, most of all a daughter to a king with all the privileges that go with it.
I find my self lately pondering life. Pondering my gifts and talents that I have been so clearly given. I find my second marriage at almost 12 years getting easier, however it is still harder then my first marriage. Though in my second I never doubt many things I continually doubted in the first. My second has it's bumps, however the love is much different. Learning what love should be from the Bible 1Corinthians 13 1-12. Appreciating it for true love over what the world calls love, is very hard sometimes.
My life in it self could, and probably some day will make a cool Hallmark movie. I'll fill more in on this later. If you asked me today if I am happy, which is funny because up until about a few weeks ago, I would have said of course I am always pretty happy. Life is not ever that bad not to be able to find some happiness in it. But since I am looking for something with me, that seems to be hiding right now, I am not sure I would use the word happy. I might use the word overwhelmed, tired, proud of my family, but me, for a one word description of me, I would use I guess "searching". Searching for me, somewhere along the long walk with family I lost me.
Don't get me wrong I would have had 10 more kids if I could have talked either husband into it. I love being a mom. Now that they are mostly grown, I am so proud of who they are.
So welcome and I look forward to hearing from all the other searchers out there. In the mix I hope we find what we are looking for.