And now for something a little bit different.

Well, maybe not that different.

I recently had the honor of being a juror in an awesome list, The 100 Best Action Figures of All Time, over at UnderScoopFIRE – a blog dedicated to the children of the 80s.

It was a melding of toy minds. I had the honer of collaborating with these fellow toy lovers:

• Howie Decker – co-creator and editor of UnderScoopFIRE.com and host of the 100 Toys podcast.
• John Vanover – admin of tvandfilmtoys.com, his collection is broad- with an emphasis on Star Wars and other movie franchise toys.
• Justin Bell – admin of GeneralsJoes.com, contributor to the G.I.Joe Collectors Club Newsletter, member of the What’s on Joe Mind? Podcast.
• Rob Buzan – author of Joe A Day, a great blog that provides exactly what it promises. Owner of every 3 3/4 inch G.I. Joe figure from 1982 to present.
• Justin Gammon – yours truly.

Not only did we have fun compiling a flawed list, but you can now listen to our discussions and criticism of the list (and each other) at the UnderScoopFIRE podcast.

Have a listen!!

Oh yeah, one last thing. To be clear – whatever toys you love on the list were my idea, and whatever toys you hate on the list were totally not my idea.

Enjoy!!

I have something to admit. I’m white. I’ve been white all my life. And growing up as a white kid in the 80s, I never realized how every popular toyline and cartoon was pretty much directed at me. It seems that most headlining heroes from cartoons and toylines were either white, or some kind of creature. There was a huge lack of culturally diverse action figures. I’d never considered the fact that 80s black kids were “forced” to play with predominantly “white” characters from He-Man to G.I. Joe to Mask. You name it – white. Luckily, one mother did notice and actually did something about it. She started her own toyline, and specifically created black heroes.

This is where Olmec Toys holds its place in toy history. It was a toy company created by Yla Eason, a mother who “couldn’t find a black super hero for her son.” She thought her son should have some toys that reflected his skin tone. One of these new toylines was Bronze Bombers… which is kind of like the “black G.I. Joe” (in blacksploitation terms – G.I. Bro).

A lot of us played with G.I. Joe. Their white-washed approach to active recruits was countered with Olmec’s Bronze Bombers. These guys were supposed to represent iconic historical soldiers who were black.

Here are a few tidbits pulled from the card:

“They stand for justice and they never lose!”

They are bold, they are men of the sun, they are brilliant warriors – The Bronze Bombers™!

Fearlessly, the mighty U.S. 369th Infantry led the nation’s greatest Black Army into battle. They fought in WWI and WWII and they never lost. There have been no warriors their equal until today! Today, we have the Bronze Bombers™! Today they defend the country against P.S.B. enemy squad. These highly skilled combatants stand for justice and they never lose!

They never lose. Ever. Ever ever… ever.

So, let’s take another look at that card art. It’s a bit strange and familiar isn’t it?

I get that these guys were supposed to be integrated into kids’ G.I. Joe universe, but wasn’t there a better way to do that than to rip off the card art? I don’t even mean making them stylistically similar. I mean literally, copying/tracing existing Hasbro card art.

Mapman Jackson vs. Road Block

This guys could’ve been Road Block’s grandfather or something. See a resemblance?

Marc “Kaboom” Walters vs. Crystal Ball

Looks like Ol’ Kaboom here may have actually lost his hand playing with explosives. Looks like a prosthetic to me.

A. J. Moon vs. Zaranna

This is a strange choice. This guy’s art is based on one of the female characters and the artist decided to paint the metallic joints of the actual toy. Weird.

Wayne “Golden” Alexander vs. Psyche-Out

So. this sailor is holding some weird space laser, dangling his arm awkwardly and wearing some kind of sci-fi backpack. Ooookay.

Okay, we now know who the Bronze Bombers are, so now let’s take a closer look at this Bronze Bomber figure I got my hands on a while ago.

I present to you – Cool Breeze.

(I know these characters are supposed to be “with it,” but isn’t “Cool Breeze” a bit stereotypical… even for a black toyline?)

Not unlike G.I. Joe vs. COBRA, the Bronze Bombers battle PSB Enemy. I don’t quite know what “PSB” means, but Cool Breeze is one of the bad guys.

Here’s his bio:

Cool Breeze

His Major: Medicine

His Specialty: Germ Warfare

His Motto: Make them suffer.

His Goal: Destroy the health of the Bronze Bombers

Cool Breeze was the twin brother of Chilly Pop Battle. His hands were finely tuned instruments, his mind was a bear trap, his body was strong, powerful, loose and ready. He was known as Cool Breeze, a name he acquired his final year at Hitler Medical School, because he soared to the top of his class without sweating or struggling a day! But he used his talents to do bad. He dropped chemicals into clean water to make people sick. He prepared a poisonous solution to sap the strength of good men. He didn’t care who he hurt.

Unreal. Hitler Medical School? That is pretty evil. (Also seems odd that he’d attend a university named after someone who had a leading role in the brutality of blacks… but I digress.)

Okay, back to the figure.

First of all, the head sculpt is great. I can’t get over it.

Seriously. I think Cool Breeze looks like a genuine, black man and not just a bad, blackface repaint of some old Dukes of Hazzard toy.

(Could this not be a Roger Murtaugh figure?)

What the toys lack in originality, they make up for in realism. Awesome head sculpts.

These figures are 3 3/4″ tall with articulation similar to first generation Joes (no Swivel Arm Battle Grip).

They’re pretty well-sculpted, having about as much detail as some of the original Joe figures.

Their construction is “okay”, but they seem to feel brittle. I’m in constant fear that I’ll break his thumb off or something.

The accessories on the other hand, suck major ass. The helmet and gun here not only look clunky and simplified compared to the detail of the soldiers…

but the helmet doesn’t fit his head. Look at that thing. What the hell were they thinking? Is it supposed to be a Motorcycle helmet?

Oh, and he can’t hold his gun. Well, it’s not as much a gun as some kind of weird bubble blower or something. Ha!

Here are some more Bronze Bomber tidbits. Not only did Olmec make a line of action figures, but they even had vehicles. That’s how legit the Bronze Bombers were.

“How can we make this white kid look more white?”

“Cowboy hat?”

“Perfect!”

And believe it or not, in the late 90s, the Bronze Bombers returned.

This time they were sold as a multipack and were actually built from reused body molds from Hasbro’s G.I. Joe figures (Olmec actually bought the molds from Hasbro). These figures seem fine, but I don’t think they have the charm of the 80s toyline.

As I mentioned before, I grew up white, so I wasn’t really paying attention to Olmec Toys in their heyday. They are no longer producing toys but Olmec did a few lines to be sold alongside He-Man, She-ra and G.I. Joe – Sun-Man, Butterfly Woman and Bronze Bombers, respectively. I know I’ve semi-mocked these figures, but I actually truly appreciate the effort Olmec made in their quest for more diverse action figures. It’s too bad they didn’t have the artistry, writers and marketing budget that a powerhouse like Hasbro has. But if they had that, it wouldn’t be such a unique story of the underdog. If you want to dig a little deeper, you can find out all about the rise and demise of Olmec Toys.

A few years back, I discovered the Greater York Toy Extravaganza – a huge toy show which takes place Thanksgiving weekend in York, PA. Each year the show is packed with everything – 800 tables of modern stuff, vintage stuff and even historical stuff. Plastic crap or diecast metal crap. All types of toys for all types of people. Of course, I’m looking for the “weirdo” stuff.

I said it in my 2008 and 2009 York Toy Show articles and I’ll say it again – the trip is soooo long and challenging for me. I’m in South Carolina where there are no real toy shows, and if there ever were, they would involve NASCAR most likely. This trek to York is definitely not worth it financially, and yet, I’m compelled to go. Is it the intrigue of the mystery toys yet to be discovered? The miraculous great deal I may find? Or more realistically – the annual invitation I get from my father-in-law to join him at the toy show (thanks Monty).

I think Monty and I have learned our lesson over the years not to drive up to Pennsylvania as early and waste so much or our precious holiday weekend. Being the two toy-obsessed family men we are, we devised a plan to minimize the pain of the long-ass drive and wasteful stay in Pennsylvania. The plan of attack this year was get up super-early Saturday morning, drive up to PA and arrive in time for the dealer’s early buyer’s admission that evening. The next morning, we’d do early buyers again and then hit the road just before the show opens to the public. (These “early buyers” admissions will cost ya $20, so only consider if you’re serious… or if you write your own toy blog. Ha.)

(The plan worked perfectly. The only thing is, with such a rushed timeline, I was more interested in scoring some weirdo toys and less concerned about taking photos. You’ll notice my actual documentation of the toy show floor is pretty sparse this year. Sorry about that.)

On Saturday night we got in at the same time as the dealers. This is good and bad. It’s good, because we get first dibs on toys as dealers set up. It’s bad because not everyone actually sets up Saturday night, and definitely not everyone wants us hanging around, pestering them, as they unload their boxes.

Here’s a peak at what I picked up the first night.

Some funky-looking crow puppet and an alligator soap dish…

A recognizable-but-off-putting He-Man and Skeletor vintage soap holders…

…and a Huckleberry Hound hollow, plastic coin bank.

This small haul worried me a bit for the potential of the show. I knew some of the vendors hadn’t set up, so I was hoping they’d surprise me on Sunday.

At one point in that evening, as I stumbled through the show Saturday night, I literally did a double-take when I saw this super-cool, black skeleton warrior-type guy standing at one of the dealer’s tables.

I know I’ve seen him before. Was this some random bootleg?

Oh yeah! He’s a direct copy of the skeletons from the Pirates of the Galaxseas toyline.

At least this bootleg has some cool, new accessories.

As it turns out, this figure is an in-progress prototype of a toyline the guys at ZoloWorld are putting together. It’s called Warlords and Warriors.

The line is more-or-less a throwback to the countless Masters of the Universe knockoffs of the 80s we all know and love. It’s so much of a throwback in fact, I think this is a direct recasting of the original molds by “Emco-Ray” (using pig latin to hide a keyword here). I guess he is a bootleg – a bootleg of a knockoff?

The characters may look familiar but they’ll be given a new storyline with all new accessories and paint variations and stuff. Looks like a lot of fun. If they don’t cost $30 each, I may pick some up!

Alright. Back to the rest of the show….

The next morning, Monty and I got in a couple hours before the show opened to the public. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but trust me, walking the floor with a bit more ease and ability go back and forth and just take it all in without the rush of the crowd makes the shopping so much easier.

Not only that, but you get first dibs. So many times I see dealers buying from one another. So as the general public, you will never see some of the toys or even have a shot at getting them for a fair price. I’ve seen dealers buy something cheap then double the price and sell it at their own table. It’s just nice to have that “insider’s” edge when doing your toy hunting.

I won’t give you a play by play of Saturday. But here’s a quick look at what I picked up that day. Sure it’s nothing mind blowing, but i like it.

First up, we have these clunky, vintage wind-up robots. They don’t really work, but I just got them to look at anyway. Heh.

Next we have the super-classic Mego figures. I know there are repro parts on ol’ Bats here, but I don’t care. I don’t have any Megos, and just having a few of the classic figures is good enough for me.

Next we have these cool, little minifigures. Seems like a mixture of sci-fi and fantasy creatures. I haven’t bothered to get the story on these guys yet.

Here we have some of the always-awesome Real Ghostbusters’ ghosts along with a Toxic Crusaders bad guy and a villain from Blackstarr.

Lastly we have a few carded Beetlejuice toys. I know no one gives a crap about Beetlejuice toys, but I liked these two “Neighborhood Nasties” figures. The street punk transforms into a rat and the hillbilly fat guy turns into a pig. I’d never seen them before, and I hear they are pretty uncommon. I also got the classic Beetlejuice figure with a spinning and shrunken head. So that’s good

I know my pics from the show are lacking, so just to give you a sense of what the show feels like, here are the videos I created for the last York show I attended. Not much has changed. In fact, a lot of the dealers are selling some of the same toys as they were 3 years ago. Sad really.

West Hall

East Hall

So there ya have it. The annual contradiction of the Greater York Toy Extravaganza –  a show that excites me enough to drive 9.5 hours to see but also the show that forces me to take a 12-hour drive home in post-Thanksgiving traffic, staring at the unnecessary additions to my ever-growing, plastic, weirdo army giving me ample time to rethink the entire trip.

Would i do it again?

Of course.

Maybe next time I can meet up with some fellow bloggers who happened to visit the show this year as well. (Read about their adventures at CoolAndCollected.com and at TheSurfingPizza.com.)

Until next Thanksgiving… keep it weird.

I don’t even know where to begin with what I’m going to show you today.

You know what? I take that back. Described in a single word – “fun.”

Wait. I have more words…

As soon as I saw these toys, all I felt was joy, giddy-ness, surprise, anticipation. I literally laughed. You know if toys make you excited with laughter, they have to be worth something.

Let’s check ‘em out.

The beastly toys we have here are…

Double-Edged Dumplings & Cybear Vishnu

Unhumongous & Bullshot

Beano Bomber and Coptorilla

The Clobbler & Shankoppotamus

Afro Toddler & Count Tiger Gun

These guys are called Battle Babies! (Yep. You heard correctly – Battle-Freakin’-Babies.)

They are a bunch of well-armed animals piloted/ridden by BABIES! I have no clue how I’ve never seen these things before now, but I know I love ‘em.

They are probably just some weird, obscure vintage toyline that was produced as a knockoff of the Barnyard Commandos. (How have I missed these before now?)

First up, is Cybear Vishnu.
This guy means business.

Look at ‘im. He’s a freaky 8-legged monstrosity.  At his core, he’s a bear, but it looks like he’s been merged with some weird humanoid with big blue arms coming out of his butt cheeks along with some robotic prosthetics on his shoulders. There’s a head in bowl in his belly. Is he the conjoined twin brother? This is freaky.

He’s wearing metallic underwear, big ol’ glasses, a set of samurai twin babies – The Double-Edged Dumplings… and he breathes fire.

Scary indeed.

Next we have Bullshot.
He’s just a bull with a big honkin’ gun on his back.

He seems to be fitted with a fluffy collar and tailfins. (maybe this guy can get airborne.)

And he’s piloted by The Unhumongous – the most evil-looking baby I’ve ever seen.

The scary metal face mask most definitely is hiding a freakishly-scarred visage he’s had all his life… all 9 months of it. Ha.

Next up? Coptorilla. Wow. A Gorilla helicopter!

This ape is equipped with goggles, shoulder pads, missiles and a functioning propeller. He’s ready for action… and it looks like he may want to play catch later too. (Check out his right hand.)

Beano Bomber, his baby pilot, looks pretty friendly. The makings of a good guy baby.

Here we have Shankoppotamus – a killer hippo (well, more killer than usual I guess).

So hippos are inherently mean and dangerous to begin with, but this guy regurgitates a sword. Sheez! And for long range attacks, he’s equipped with a big laser cannon. I never imagined hippos being so high-tech.

See that yellow blob on his head? I think that’s brain slug which is probably how the baby here keeps him under his control. and speaking of the baby…

Damn! Look at that fist. He’d clobber the crap out of you. Guess that’s why he’s called The Clobbler. (Looks like Fisto’s love child.)

Last but not least is Count Tiger Gun. This guy means business. Not only is he wielding a blade, but he has a gun barrel jutting out of his mouth… and he’s a vampire apparently.

Wow. Imagine being chased by a tiger. Scary, right? Well what if that tiger was undead and shooting/slicing at you as he chased you? Ha!

He’s wearing this black leather cape w/ silver studs. Kinda gothic

His baby, Afro Toddler, is interesting. He looks like an Asian baby with a big-ass afro. I’m sure he’s hiding grenades in there or something.  He’s also toting around a big machine gun.

Man these babies really are ready for battle.

Unfortunately, I have a confession: These toys aren’t an actual toyline. They are customs made by a fellow weirdo toy lover.

This new legendary toyline all started with my newfound toy buddy, Brad Rader (who coincidentally is the husband of fellow geek blogger, Stacey “GeekyVixen” Rader).

Anyway, one day, Brad sent me a link to a collection of photos (below) spotlighting his “Battle Babies”

They are custom toys which are essentially kit bashes using random baby toys, animals toys and whole mess of various action figure accessories.

The thing that gets me is how perfectly suited each accessory is to the baby and to the beast.

So freakin’ great and well done.

You can buy Battle Babies at the GeekyVixen Etsy shop! If you end up with any in your collection, please share your impressions, pics, etc!

And remember… BABY POWER!!!

Wow. Over the weekend, I discovered this awesome music video (thanks Brad) for Zombie Zombie’s “Driving This Road Until Death Sets You Free” song. I don’t know a thing about the band, but I’m in love with this video.

Stop motion vintage G.I. Joe… in the antarctic… fighting zombies.

What’s not to love?

This is a perfectly executed homage to John Carpenter’s “The Thing.”

I’m thinking this music video may be better than the latest G.I. Joe movie.

Thanks for watching.

You know those little green army men that we all had growing up? We kind of liked them, because they were cool military guys with weapons, but we also hated them cuz they weren’t as cool and poesable like modern 3.75″ figures like G.I. Joe.

Well, they are iconic and will probably always be around for a long, long time.

But what if the classic army men adapted to seemingly steady incline of zombies in popular culture? If these mini figures follow the trend of recent comics, movies, games and even car commercials, I’m thinking mainstream zombie toys aren’t far off.

Well, thanks to the forward thinking and generosity of Weirdo Toys reader, Sarah Bush, we now know how these Army Men may look if they were “zombified.”

Take this guy for example. He’s some generic heavy machine gunner…

…but if he were a zombie, he’d look like this.

Instead of a machine gun, he’s now armed w/ a machete and it looks like he may have cut his own arm off.

Oh yeah, and he only has one shoe.

A while back I received this little gruesome guy in the mail, and I knew I’d eventually share it with you guys.

He’s simply called “Lil Zombie Prototype 3.” (I’m wondering how many of these customs are roaming the toy streets feeding on brains.)

It’s an unbelievably tiny zombie toy with some nice detailing. He’s only 1.5″ tall.

These ultra-closeup photos really don’t do the toy justice. Seeing a toy that’s so small this close makes it appear more sloppy and not very detailed.

Just to give  you a sense of scale, here’s the Lil’ Zombie pictured with a Master of the Universe Scareglow figure (Why Scareglow? I dunno. He just happened to be close by, and I know you guys know how tall a MOTU figure is). Tiny, tiny zombie.

This toy actually reminds me a lot of the mini Z.O.M.B.I.E. figures by October Toys.

Thanks a lot for the prototype, Sarah. I hope to see more lil’ zombies making their way out into the toy world.

“OMFG” is right! Outlandish Mini Figure Guys!

The community at October Toys are always up to something, and this time, it’s an awesome little set of mini figures – a throwback to the old M.U.S.C.L.E. figures from the 80s.

This first series includes Multiskull, Crawdad Kid, Phantom Outhouse, King Castor and Stroll.

These new figures perfectly capture the quirkiness and fun of that old line, and I really can’t wait to get my hands on these. If you’d like to learn more and help make these figures become a reality (which you really should), you can help fund the project at Kickstarter.com. I’m actually a backer on this project. I’m not only happy to contribute, but I’m psyched to get my hands on these little guys.

Share the toy love, and give these guys a shot! And be sure to drop by October Toys and say “hi.”

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In mid-April, I made a little trip out to Chicago to meet up with some friends/colleagues of mine for the Wax Trax! Restrospectacle. For those out of the loop Wax Trax! Records is a long-gone, legendary industrial rock record label which originated in Chicago. A bunch of the original artists on the label came together for a limited 3-day show at the Metro, I was lucky enough to attend (Thanks Brent and Patrick).

(Here’s a “popular” Revolting Cocks cover from back in the day – “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy.”)

Sure, the weekend involved great music, camaraderie and deep-dish pizza, but as we all know, that’s not why you’re reading this blog entry.

All you guys want is toys. I can hear you asking now – “What about the toys?” “Any cool toys?” “What the hell does this have to do with toys?”

Well, as luck would have it, (and thanks to some of my Twitter followers), I was tipped off to some pretty cool toy places to visit while in Chicago. The two stores which piqued my interest most were Quake Collectibles and Rotofugi. As you’ll soon see, they may both be in the toy world, but they truly seem worlds apart.

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First stop was Quake Collectibles. My buddies and I actually arrived just before store opening. That was the perfect way for me to announce “I’m a toy dork who cannot wait for this store to open.” Hey, I’m not ashamed. As we waited outside, I was already getting antsy. I tried peaking through the front windows, but they were so crammed full of random crap, I couldn’t see in. Window toy clutter – this was gonna be my kind of place.

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After several minutes (which seemed a lot longer on a cold, rainy Chicago day) we finally stepped in, and let me just say. I was floored. Sooo much crap everywhere. Every inch of that place is covered by a poster, a sticker, a toy or a lunchbox. If your mom threw it away when you were a kid, it probably ended up here.

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I love places like this. There’s just so much stuff, you have to just stand in awe and inspect every millimeter. Some may find it overwhelming or annoying, because you may miss something, but I find it charming. It kind of reminds me of an episode of Hoarders… featuring the homes of some toy collectors.

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Oh yeah. So among all the clutter, I didn’t actually find much that I was looking for, but I did manage to pick up some “bargain bin” figures – a wrestler manager figure James bond Jr.’s “Oddjob.” that “Dinosaur Neil” guy from The Tick, “Bob the Goon” from the Batman movie toyline and the haunted Mailman from The Real Ghostbusters.

I actually left Quake saddened and confused. The store was so great and I was thrilled to be in there, yet I found so little. I think it’s all due to my tastes in toys. They’ve become too discriminatory or something. Well,  that feeling left quickly as we continued on to Rotofugi, (on foot) through a pretty chilly, windy day. I don’t know if we were being dumb for not calling a cab, or just cheap… but at least we got some exercise.

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Next stop on the toy express was Rotofugi. As soon as I laid eyes on it, I knew this place was pretty much the complete opposite of Quake (well, aeshetically anyway).

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For example, their walls were glass with a handful of HUGE figures on display. Statues basically.

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And once you walk in, it’s pretty clear that this is so much more spacious, clean, crisp and bright retail environment.

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Not only that, but it has a small art gallery attached displaying various paintings and custom toys. The market for these toys weren’t random comic geeks looking to find a vintage Jawa w/ plastic robe… This is the place where some artist will rip off a Jawa, paint it neon pink and ask $75 for it. Ha! Seriously though, this seems to be Chicago’s home for designer toys. They present toys as art. Which is cool… just don’t expect to find any bargain bins.

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The store is spacious and organized and feels very much like a gallery. This presentation really does sell “toy as art” really well. but there are tons of little toys to check out from some of your favorite designer toy companies and artists. I didn’t get much here either, because all the figures I liked were $60+. I really loved so much of the creatures/characters on the shelves. (If only Weirdo Toys had a financial backer.) They are just so quirky and fun.

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Aren’t they beautiful.

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I, of course, passed on the higher-end stuff and decided to pick up a few blind-boxed figures. I got a Dunny from the Azteca 2 series and some Blow-Up Dolls Series 3 figures. I even managed to get a Crappy Cat BUD. Pretty cool huh?

So that’s that. Just a brief glimpse at the cheapy-quirky world of toys vs. the pricey-quirky world of toys. I know it’s a matter of someone doing low-run figures manually vs. mass-producing them and selling them at Toys R Us, but I also think it’s all in presentation and marketing. If I put an OBEY logo on Bob the Goon and called it “OBEY GOON,” it’d sell for $100 instead of $2. Maybe I should try that

If Liberace ever got his hands on the Power Sword, he’d look like this.

As you might’ve expected, my last blog entry was one big joke.

Most of you immediately realized Quakor was a gag, and the few of you that did fall for it, I’m thrilled. Thrilled not only that you’d trust me, but also by the fact that my Photoshop skills fooled you into thinking you were looking at an actual toy.

Quakor isn’t a custom (in the traditional sense). He’s just a Photoshop job.

My original intention for the gag was to reveal Quaker Oats had sold an Oatmeal Monster toy at one time. That probably would’ve been believable. But as I searched for vintage Quaker Oats graphics and packaging, I stumbled upon an old Quaker mug. This when it dawned on me that I should be doing a figure along the lines of Wonderbread He-Man.

After collecting a few Quaker mug pics, I was able to take photos of a Prince Adam figure and just fake the new mug-head onto the real MOTU body. It kind of forced me to use odd angles and lighting and took some effort retouching, but I think it worked.

As far as the order forms and inserts go, that was just my trying to emulate old 8os mail-away forms and comic book ads.

I felt the need to include those just to “sell” the validity of Quakor and Mush Man that much more. I even put a false watermark on the Mush Man ad to throw you off. Heh.

It was a lot fun and worth the effort.

I hope you enjoyed it.

I recently attended a toy show where I dug up what could be some of the most obscure 80s toys in existence. (Sounds pretty dramatic, huh? Well, maybe the most obscure toys I own.)

Seriously though. Look at these guys. It’s a freakin’ oatmeal monster and the Quaker Oats guy as a He-Man figure.

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I’m not a huge collector of the Masters of the Universe (MOTU) toyline, but I had the toys as a child. I am pretty familiar with the original MOTU toyline and all of its characters, variations, etc., but I have never seen or heard of this guy. Ever. There are tons of other blogs and toy sites that are dedicated strictly to the MOTU toyline, and according to them this figure doesn’t exist. It actually reminds me of the infamous “Wonderbread He-Man.”

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Alright. I’d like to buy that this figure doesn’t exist and that this is just someone’s really lame idea for a MOTU custom… thing is, I can’t. The paint job is just too good, the head too well-sculpted and then there’s this – along with the figure came this little sheet of paper.

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It’s a small bio thing explaining that this is Quakor and he helps He-man and the gang stay healthy. It reads:

Quakor: Heroic Purveyor of Health
Quakor with the help of his Instant Quaker Oatmeal assists He-Man and his Heroic Warriors in keeping their strength everyday to do battle with Skeletor and his Evil Warriors.

Quakor?! HA! That’s so bad, it’s good.

And man, that’s some lame, blatant marketing going on there. Heroic Purveyor of Health? Ha!

I also found this little order form. I’m guessing it was packed in the Instant Quaker Oatmeal boxes.

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Apparently Quakor is a mail-away figure from the Quaker Oats company which was produced in partnership with Mattel. I’m all about exclusive or mail-away toys, but the fact that this thing even exists seems absurd. Sure, it’s just a simple repaint of the Prince Adam toy with a new head, but a super-buff Quaker character seems soooo poorly planned. Just a bad, bad idea.

But it doesn’t stop there.

As I showed you earlier, there’s this guy – the Oatmeal Monster. It’s actually another toy offer Quaker did for a character called Mush Man.

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He’s actually pretty cool looking. Seems to be the evil embodiment of mushy oatmeal.

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Thing is, why the hell would you promote your own oatmeal product as a monster? Ha!

I do admit, it makes for a cool looking toy which cashes in on the 80s “gross” phase.  It just seems a bit out-of character, that’s all.

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As soon as I laid eyes on Mush Man, I knew I recognized him. He seems to just be a simple re-deco of a figure called Muck Man from an obscure 80s toyline called “Monster Man” by Woolworth.

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The original Muck Man has a gray/purple color scheme while Mush man is just beige.

(Yep. That’s oatmeal alright. Beige.)

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I’m not sure if this guy was released before or after Quakor, but they kind of make a fun set. The Quaker man vs. the walking pile of oatmeal. Who’d a thunk it?

So there ya go. Did I over-dramatize the obscurity of these things? I guess I just got excited.

If any of you Masters of the Universe collectors out there can help me validate Quakor, that’d be great. Thanks!

You know what’s great about authoring a toy blog? Finding and connecting with fellow toy nuts like yourselves.

Know what makes it even better? When we toy nuts share with each other. I’m not even talking about sharing thoughts, photos, etc. That’s truly great, but I mean literally just giving each other toys. (Maybe I mean gifting vs. sharing?)

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Just recently I got this cool little jiggler monster in the mail from a mystery person. I racked my brain trying to figure out how the hell it ended up in my mailbox. Did I order this and forget? I had no clue what was going on. What made this random gift so strange, is the fact that I’d literally been eyeballing the same toy on eBay for a while but had been passing it over cuz it was just too pricey. Pretty coincidental, huh?

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Turns out it was sent by a member of a toy discussion board I frequent. (Thanks “lastactionhero.” You’re the best.)

I know you may not wanna hear about me and my surprise packages, but moments like this inspire me. (This isn’t even the first time this has happened. I’m just featuring this guy cuz he’s sitting here on my desk.) These acts of generosity remind me that simply taking a moment in your collecting and being on the lookout for the other guy, really helps spread the joy of collecting and reinforces the collecting community. I love this mentality and camaraderie when compared to the opposite approach of scalpers buying everything up and screwing us over in the secondary market.

After receiving this little bugger, I decided to give away toys to some random Twitter followers. It wasn’t much, but I was able to pass on some goofy toys to total strangers and quite possibly create some new toy friends. (I wish I could do more for you guys, but unfortunately, I don’t have sponsors or budgets to run this blog. I have to share from my own stash.)

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Okay. Enough with the mushy stuff. Back to the toy.

I don’t know what it is.

I just know it’s older than me and it jiggles.

He looks to be some kind of dinosaur-monkey-alien thing.

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He’s hollow, rubbery, and it’s marked “Gigantor.” (Ha! He’s only 3.5″ tall… and I’m pretty sure he’s unrelated to the Japanese Gigantor series). It was produced by Steven Manufacturing in 1975.

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I can’t find much info on him. I’ve only found a few more examples of bizarre creatures that this “Steven Mfg / Gigantor” line consists of.

They look to be combos of dinosaurs and other animals. I found ‘em on the Plastcauria blog. They are just weird.

Any ideas?

Awww… isn’t that cute? It’s a little girl with her fuzzy puppy.

“Hey! Little girl – can I pet your dog?”

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GAAHHHHH!!!

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Kill it! Kill it!!

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What the hell is that thing?

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Um.. hmm. Is that a hairless dog?

No.

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Um… is that an elephant with a human head?

Uh… kind of… I dunno.

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Hey… Wait.

No.

What’re you doing?

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NOOOOO!!!!!

This can’t be happening!

HAHAHA!!

Sorry folks. A little gross I know?

Seriously though. What the hell is up with these toys?

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I don’t have many strange “dolls” in my collection, but for obvious reasons I HAD to have these two. I mean, c’mon! A creepy, little red-headed stepchild along with some kind of crossbreed, humanoid elephant. What’s not to like?

My question is, how can these have been produced with children in mind? Seems like the makings of a nightmare if you ask me.

These toys aren’t related at all, as far as toy series, toy company or anything goes… but in some strange way, they seem to be made for each other.
When I picked these up last year, I had no clue what they were, but luckily with a bit of online research, I can now tell you what’s up with these guys.

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Let’s start with the freaky-ass, humanoid elephant creature.

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He has a gray, elephant’s body, a human face, with real hair and an elephant’s trunk. Strange.

Well, as some might have guessed, this toy is actually a troll doll by Dam. They actually released a now-rare collection of troll animals in the 1960s.

If trolls weren’t creepy enough, they have now been unnaturally paired with various animals to give us instant oddities. Some of them are actually kind of cute, but luckily for us, mine’s freaky. (I think it may be a bootleg or something, because mine is so small compared to the original, larger-sized troll animals. It also has a marking “Made in Japan” on its belly.)

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And next we have the scary, little girl who looks like the Joker.

She actually reminds me of the old Happy Herman doll I posted about a few years back – kind of an Alfred E. Neuman ripoff. She’s a creepy, rubber doll with red, rooted hair, freckles, and a mysterious open mouth with sloppy lipstick applied.

Since I first got her, I always had the sense that she’s made to squeak or blow a balloon or something. Turns out, I was right.

Apparently, these dolls had a small balloon tongue which would inflate when you squeezed the doll’s torso.

She’s actually from an old series of dolls released in the 1960s simply called “Brat Doll.” (I’ve actually gathered a few pics from old Etsy sales.)

The tag around her neck reads:

Brat Doll – Squeeze me and I stick out my tongue.

Pat. #104994

I’m just a little brat

Enco, Inc. N.Y.C., Sole Importers, Parkersmith Corp N.Y.C.

Looks like there were variations of the Brat Doll – sometimes sold as a girl or a boy depending on the haircut and clothing. Good to see hobo children toys were all the rage in the 60s. Could this be original form of “Bratz?”

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Now wasn’t that educational? As always, you’ve now discovered a toy you’ve never seen and will never want to see again

I guess it’s time to ride off into the sunset.

“Hi-yo Weirdo! Away!!”

Thanks to @TriclopsApeman & @TriclopsRobot for giving us one of the grossest Dunnys yet!

Now that I’m a dad, I know I need to be on the lookout for cool toys for my son. Thing is, at such a young age, he can’t play with bootleg He-man figures and stuff like that. I don’t see that much baby “weirdo” stuff out there.

That is until I found these.

Let me introduce you to Franken Toys – an Etsy shop full of repurposed toys designed by artist (and mad scientist), Rachel Peters.

To quote the site:

Franken Toys are a growing collection of rescued toys which have been dismembered only to be re-membered as a new piece of art. Every repurposed toy has been hand sewn and many have been intricately embroidered.
Adopt your favorite Franken Toy today. Each Franken is one of a kind.

I really love these. This is a twist on customized toys I haven’t seen yet. Such a simple and refreshing contrast to the designer vinyl scene. It’s genius I tell you.

What appeals to me so much is the fact that these aren’t not just random, strange creatures… these are freaky mash-ups of characters we all know and love. This makes them that much more striking… and charming.

Who wants a Kermit doll if you could have a freaky, double-reverse-head Kermit with removable body parts?

What better way to “spruce up” some old, forgotten dolls than by dismembering them and reattaching their body parts – creating half-breeds only seen in your children’s nightmares?

When you drop by her store, be sure not to miss the other weirdos Rachel has already sold.

Now a stop at any Goodwill in America could get you some great fodder for the next Franken Toy. I wonder if Rachel takes requests.

He’s real! And he has hellacious dingleberries!

I don’t want to go too much into the history of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT) action figures by Playmates, but just know they were released regularly for about 10 years and with each new series, the character variations got more and more varied (and absurd). The thing is, the toys and characters were always really quirky, fun and well-designed no matter how lame the variant themes were.

Case in point – Robotic Bebop and Rocksteady.

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Truly awesome.

Anyone familiar with TMNT knows that Bebop and Rocksteady are the mutant henchman who are always up to no good and always trying to put a damper on the Turtles’ day. Here’s a list of all the original toy variations of Bebop and Rocksteady:

• Head Spinnin’ Bebop
• Giant Bebop
• Mutatin’ Bebop
• Ninja Knockin’ Bebop
• Private Porknose Bebop
• Mighty Bebop
• Night Ninja Bebop
• Cave Beast Bebop
• Cyber Samurai Bebop
• Supermutant Bebop
• Warrior Bebop
• Machine Gunnin’ Rocksteady
• Dimwit Doughboy Rocksteady
• Giant Rocksteady
• Mutatin’ Rocksteady
• Power Punchin’ Rocksteady
• Night Ninja Rocksteady
• Rhinoman
• Gatekeeper Rocksteady
• Kung Fu Rocksteady
• Supermutant Rocksteady
• Warrior Rocksteady

Yeesh! So after all that, at least they threw some awesome robots in the mix.

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Let’s take a closer look at these guys.

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Well, one of the first things you may notice is the “chrome,” vacuum-metalized finish on these figures. That’s the main reason I noticed them to begin with.

“Ooh. Shiny!”

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How cool is it to have super-shiny, clunky, bad guy robots? They’re just so quirky and fun. I wish they’d made a whole robot series of all the main TMNT characters.

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These robots even come equipped with super-bright, neon-colored weapons and accessories.

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Giant claws, guns, and knives.

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You wouldn’t think these guys need weapons to get the job done, but they’re cool looking nonetheless.

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(Another random detail worth mentioning is the Robotic Rocksteady I have comes with neon purple-colored weapons instead of neon orange. Not sure if it means much, but I thought I’d mention the color variation.)

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As I mentioned before, I love these blocky robot designs. The metallic finish is an awesome way to reinforce the idea that these guys truly are robots. But the most surprising and effective robo-detail is the translucent colored plastic in their heads which catches light, giving them the glowing-eye evil robot look. Priceless. It’s a classic toy gimmick which makes these figures absolutely perfect.

So, we’ve established how great these figures are, but there’s yet another detail that makes them a bit more interesting for you Turtle cartoon fans. It turns out these aren’t just another wacky TMNT toy variation, these robo-mutants appeared in the original Ninja Turtles cartoon .

They appeared in an episode called Super Bebop and Mighty Rocksteady although in the episode, they are actually referred to as “Super Rocksteady” and “Mighty Bebop” (And to confuse things a bit more, there was actually a Turtles toy called “Mighty Bebop,” which depicts Bebop as a superhero. Sheesh).

Here’s a clip from that episode.

The toy designs are a fairly accurate depiction of their cartoon counterparts. The only real difference is their color scheme.

While researching these characters and the episode, I stumbled upon a pretty cool site called ZMFTS (Zobovor’s Multi-Faceted Talent Showcase). This guy, Zobovor, repainted the Robotic Bebop and Rocksteady to create these cartoon-accurate customs. Nice job!

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The site actually features a bunch more awesome TMNT customs. Here’s a breakdown of how he created the cartoon-accurate Super Rocksteady and Mighty Bebop.

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So what have we learned today kids? Reinterpret any character as a clunky, shiny robot, and I will fall in love with it.

So, a while back, I discovered a great website – HorribleLogos.com. (It is actually a great example of what I’ve expected the new trend in design to be – intentionally BAD design.)

The premise of the site is you pay $5, and you get a really bad logo.

Out of curiosity, I ordered a Weirdo Toys logo.

I just received it last night. Behold, the horrible logo.

Pretty gross, eh? It even has a typo! (Im)Perfect!

I won’t be adopting it officially, but I just had to share.

Whadaya think?

A month or so back, I was poking around a toy show, and as usual, I didn’t find much that interested me. (That kind of thing happens when your tastes become more and more obscure I guess… dang it)

In sad situations like that, I eventually get to the point where I’m thinking, “I paid to get into the show… I’m leaving with SOMETHING.” This actually forces me to backtrack and look over every square inch of these dealer’s tables. And that is when you’ll find some little thing you’ve previously overlooked (and be you’ll be forced into more awkward toy conversations).

And what I initially overlooked is this little gem.

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What the hell is it?

I dunno.

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He’s 5.5″ tall with no markings whatsoever. The dealer I bought it from didn’t know a thing about it. He assumed it was from an old G.I.Joe toyline, but I’m fairly certain it’s not. I was actually hoping it was some strange Star Wars bootleg, because it looks like a wookiee choking on a jawbreaker or eating a ping-pong ball or something.

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The distressed, yellow paint job, agonized facial expression and ball in the creature’s mouth – sure, he looks weird, but in my heart I knew this figure had a simple, sane origin. It’s probably from some vintage safari-themed toyline.

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Well, with a little bit of digging (AKA asking some buddies on a toy discussion board), I discovered that this is actually a yeti figure from a vintage Evel Knievel playset by Ideal Toy Company – “Escape from Skull Canyon.”

Evel Knievel playset photos courtesy of ToyNerd.com.

Evel Knievel playset photos courtesy of ToyNerd.com.

Apparently one of Evel’s death-defying stunts was driving through a canyon occupied by an angry Yeti who drops boulders on him.

This guy reminds me a lot of the green monkey I featured here a couple years ago.

They’re both equally weathered, and the yeti looks just as angry. (Do these emotions stem from years of the toy’s having been neglected?)

So, now that we now know what this toy is, I’m still left with some unanswered questions. Why is my yeti figure yellow? And…

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Why the hell does he have a ball in his mouth?

I’d like to dedicate this “children’s toy themed” blog entry to my newborn son, Andrew. I’m new to this thing called fatherhood, but I’m loving every minute of it… well, that is until he’ll starts playing with my toys

Over a decade ago while I was in college, my brother, Jason, and I stumbled upon these odd figures at Wal-Mart. They were part of the humble beginnings of my weird toy fascination.

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I’m sure you recognize them.

You probably thought they were these guys, the Teletubbies.

They do look a lot like Teletubbies (which I’m sure is absolutely intentional), but these are actually Bubbly Chubbies! (Pretty original name, huh?)

Sure. At first glance, these things are just odd-looking, androgynous aliens. That’s a bit off-putting in itself, but, as always, it gets stranger.

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Unbeknownst to us, all these years Jason and I have been in possession of some very rare artifacts. These toys aren’t around anymore, and I don’t mean they’re just old and forgotten – I mean they no longer exist.

Apparently, Ragdoll Productions Ltd., the creators of Teletubbies, weren’t too happy about Wal-Mart ripping off their ridiculously popular, money-making property and they were ordered by a federal court to recall and destroy all the Bubbly Chubbies toys. You might call it the “Bubbly Chubby holocaust.” I know it’s a bit morbid, but these toys are kinda like Holocaust survivors. (Damn. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to equate Survivors’ lives and struggles to some crummy knock off toys. I just needed to dramatize the scarcity of a weirdo toy). Get the full scoop in this New York Times article.

So, what we’ve got here is the same toy with four color variations – Blue, Violet, Pink and Yellow.

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It may be an accident in the toys’ design, but I love how the transparent eyeballs actually reveal the each Chubby’s color scheme. Kind of neat.

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And they’re all wearing wireless headphones. What’s up with that?

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I wonder what they’re listening to. Probably the Bananas in Pajamas theme song or something.

Oh yeah. Did you notice the trap doors on their backs? It’s where their batteries are stored. Why batteries, you ask?

To power their death stare of course.

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“YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND OH CHUBBY MASTER.”

A simple push of their literal belly button, and you unleash the hypnotic death stare of the unassuming Bubbly Chubbies.

Yeah, these are a pretty blatant ripoff, but I’m glad the toy designers had the foresight to integrate the typical LED red laser into these knockoffs… and I’m especially glad they put them in their eye sockets.

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I just don’t know whether they’re supposed to hypnotize me or turn me to stone. Either way, I know not to look them in the eye.