Dating for the first time after divorce is daunting enough; sex post-split, on the other hand, can take one to a whole new level of anxiousness. After all, sex is the most intimate form of connection between two people. Having yourself emotionally and physically exposed to another is one of the highest forms of trust and surrender.
Divorce – no matter how much the society has become more acceptable of it – is traumatic and can leave incapacitating effects. Feeling of abandonment and failure can have a big impact on one’s self-esteem. Experts believe that a low self-esteem is a big factor in anxiety, including sexual anxiety. There are other numerous reasons as to why a newly divorced person is fearful of his first sexual encounter (from performance to body issues). The good news is that, you can take steps to calm your troubled nerves! Here are some tips to chase your anxiety away!

Remember the scout’s motto: Be prepared!

If you’re having trouble putting yourself out there because you lack the moves you once had or you have no new moves, then prepare yourself! The only way for you to lessen or eliminate sexual anxiety is by preparing and by being educated enough. How? Research, research, research! Buy a new book about sex, read articles, or dial a friend for help. Be as sexually curious as your teenager self.

Ask for compliments

This is a very simple thing to do but highly effective in easing one’s sexual anxiety. Text or email your closest friends and ask them to say three good things about you and believe them! In doing so, your self-esteem will surge thereby lessening your anxiety. You can go for five, but not ten; that will be narcissism. Sometimes, others can see better what’s best in us because we’re too harsh on ourselves. This is especially a good practice for newly divorced women. Women self-deprecate more.

Sex is like golf…it’s a mind game

For those scared of their sexual organs failing them come D-day, remember the words of Napoleon Hill: “What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve”. He’s definitely right! Your body will follow whatever your mind tells it. Have you heard of the placebo effect? It’s one of the best examples of how powerful our minds are. It’s a fake treatment that improves a patient’s condition simply by believing that they will be cured. Think and believe that you are a 100% fail-proof love machine and you will be.

Think, but don’t overthink

Sure, I said sex is like a mind game, but that doesn’t mean that you should lose your mind over it! Do not overthink and don’t over analyze either. “Will she like it if I do a few Magic Mike moves first?” See, this is the kind of thing that will make you lose your mojo! Just ask yourself this basic but important question: Are you horny? If yes, then you’re good to go! Your body knows what it should do. Close your eyes and just follow your physiological rhythm.

What would Ted Stroehmann do?

Do you remember what Ben Stiller’s character did before he went out on a date with Cameron Diaz in There’s Something About Mary? His friend told him to masturbate right before the big date. What? Why? Masturbation relieves tension, anxiety and stress through the release of endorphins or the happy hormones. It creates a sense of well-being and satisfaction. And you think masturbation only helps with insomnia. Just make sure to check both your ears before you head out the door!

Did we miss anything? Share your thoughts with us below!

How To Prepare For Sex After Divorce is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

One of our favorite dating websites, DatingAdvice.com has just released their list of the 10 Best British Dating Blogs and we are so honored to be included! We’re in great company, and are huge fans of the other blogs included as well-so make sure to check out the list!

Thanks again DatingAdvice.com! xx

The Best British Dating Blogs is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

I give props to any man who has the guts to walk up to a woman and talk to her. It’s a hard thing to do and it takes a lot of courage. I can openly admit that I don’t think I have ever walked up to a guy and just started talking to him (when I have been sober that is).

But that’s kind of the thing. If you are going to have the guts to approach a woman, you should want to get something in return. And I don’t necessarily mean sex, I mean a phone number or at least a good flirty conversation. After all, isn’t that why you chose to talk to her in the first place?

I know I have rarely approached men, but I am a woman who has been hit on her fair share of times. I am not going to say I’ve been hit on every time I’ve been out, but I have been hit on and I have also witnessed some epic fails. So I can tell you there are two things that almost never work — cheesy pick-up lines and compliments (that turn into cheesy pick-up lines).

I am not saying that all women are exactly the same — I don’t believe that at all. Sometimes you might have the best opening line ever and it doesn’t work because some women just aren’t interested and/or they don’t want to be picked up. In which case, you should just bow out gracefully.

However, it’s a simple fact that if you walk up to a woman with a cheesy pick up line or some weird compliment, that it won’t spark a conversation. You just can’t build on that kind of thing.

So what should you do instead?

Take a moment to kind of survey the surroundings. Perhaps she came to the bar to watch a game or she’s wearing a team shirt from the game she was watching earlier. What about her drink or the music she seems to like? There are so many things around her (and you) that will easily strike up a conversation.

And trust me, all of that is so much better than some cheesy pick up line.

Cheesy Pickup Lines Just Don’t Work is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

So yes, when I said that she is an expert I meant it! Check out Lucia’s answers to my questions below, and stop by her site, The Art of Love, for more dating and love advice.

1. What is the number one mistake most women make with men?

I believe the number one mistake women make with men is giving too much. This includes phone calls, texts, offering to do his laundry when they’re dating, offering help with anything when he hasn’t asked for it, unsolicited advice, etc. When a woman does these things, she is being pro-active and is coming from her masculine side. She’s either chasing or trying to “win” his love.

The problem is that a masculine man can’t fall in love with a woman who is giving more than he is, no matter how beautiful she is, because she is stepping on his territory and it doesn’t feel good. Women need to understand they don’t have to earn or win a man’s love. If he’s interested, he’ll give it freely.

2. How important is sex in a relationship?

It depends on the two people involved. As long as they have the same sex drive, then it doesn’t matter if it’s only once a week or every day. On the other hand, if they are unevenly matched, then it becomes an issue. It’s been said that it’s only about 10% of a relationship, but it’s an important 10%. However, to the person who feels they aren’t getting enough, it suddenly becomes 90%!

3. In your expert opinion, is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?

If we go by the definition of romantic attraction which anthropologist and author of “Why We Love”, Dr. Helen Fisher gives, as “obsessive thinking and focused attention” ,then the answer would be no, as you can only be focused on one person at a time. There’s a quote attributed to Johnny Depp, which says, “If you love two people at the same time, choose the second, because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.” I would have to agree with that.

4. What is your advice to single women who are frustrated with the dating scene?

To quote the Demi Lovato song, “Give your heart a break”. If you’re feeling burned out and frustrated, just stop dating and focus on other parts of your life, for as long as it takes to start to feel good about dating again. In the meantime, look for reading material that may be helpful to you to see what part you’re playing in your dating life that is leading to your frustration. Otherwise, there’s no point in taking a break if you’re going to continue to do the same things and react the same way once you start dating again.

5. Does love find you, or do you find it?

The law of attraction says “like attracts like”. If you’re focused on love, even in the general sense – loving a sunset, the feeling of a warm, evening breeze, the feeling of satin against your skin, the smile of a child – you’ll be in the vibration of love, and it will find you. If however, you focus on the negative in life more than the positive, even if you manage to find love, it will not stay, as it’s not a vibrational match.

6. Why do men stop calling?

There could be so many reasons for this. Many times it’s because they don’t feel as if they are winning or that there is the possibility of winning with a particular woman. They do not want to fail, so they prefer to leave. If a man stops calling, a woman has two options. One is to let it be and move on. Often when a woman does this, a man will reach out again at some point. Otherwise, the second option is to contact him, feel him out and see if he’s willing to talk. It is possible that there was some type of misunderstanding and this will clear it up.

7. Women can make the first move-yes or no?

It depends what you mean by “first move.” She can certainly signal that she’s interested with a look and a smile, or, depending on the situation, begin talking to him. She can ask a question, or even ask for his help with something simple and easy. After that, it’s up to him. If he’s interested, he knows what to do. If you mean asking a guy out, I don’t generally recommend it. Guys may say they love it when a woman asks them out, but if they were genuinely interested, they’d be doing the asking.

An Interview With International Dating and Relationship Expert Lucia is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

Obsessive calling/texting

Yes, your first and second text went through. And your call did too. I promise. We are a culture of wanting everything right now. But that simply doesn’t work when it comes to dating. Give things a little space and room to breathe. If he/she is into you, he’ll/she’ll gladly return your message.

Jealousy

It’s perfectly normal to get a little jealous from time to time; even if you say you’re not the jealous type. But driving past his house or checking her phone for missed calls from dudes is never OK.

Assuming and accusing

When you’ve been on your fair share of bad dates and had failed relationships it’s just natural to try to prevent that from happening again. So when something happens that seems like it could be bad it’s easy to assume and fly off the handle. But jumping to conclusions and confronting the person just increases the chance that everything will blow up in your face. Instead, take a step back and see how it all pans out.

Obsession with titles/commitment

It’s OK to have the conversation about where things stand to be sure you’re both on the same page. It’s also normal to be excited and want to tell everyone about your new relationship. But just like the obsessive calling/texting thing, asking your new boo everyday what you are or when he/she is going to commit is a little much.

Controlling/nagging

When you start to like someone it’s only natural to help each other when making decisions or to challenge each other to try something new. However, trying to control someone’s every move is a big no-no.

Needing constant attention

We all love to hear things that make us feel special. And when you start dating someone, one of the best things is getting a text or call from that person. But keep in mind that just because a person is interested doesn’t mean they need to talk to you (or be with you) 24/7. Also remember that you’ll probably have moments of silence when you’re together and he/she will talk to others while you’re on group dates and outing. It’s all perfectly fine. I promise.

Showing up where he is unexpectedly

No matter how you try to spin it, this will always make you look like a crazy person. Even if you say you were in the neighborhood or that it was your friend’s idea or that you had no idea he/she would be there.  We all need time with our friends and it’s perfectly normal if the person you’re dating doesn’t invite you to every single outing.

Get Off the Crazy Train: Dating Behavior That Makes You Look Like a Psycho is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

This type of constant analysis and worry can lead you to second-guess yourself. The ambiguity of dating probably feels a little uncomfortable if you are used to making decisions and going for what you want in your career. If you can ask for that promotion at work, why shouldn’t you be able to ask a guy out on a date, or talk to him about where things are headed between the two of you?

Easier said than done. Which is why online dating can be so fraught with anxiety, especially when it’s early in the relationship. There’s plenty of room for misunderstanding.

Let’s take an example. If you really like a man you’ve started dating, you might be tempted to take down your profile and date him exclusively, fantasizing about a future relationship. After all, the chemistry is so strong—you assume you’re both on the same page. You’re ready to take that online profile down – you’re ready for a
relationship!

He must be thinking the same thing, right?

So with your hopes in high gear, you take your profile down. But he doesn’t do the same. His profile remains active. He’s still dating other women.

But how could he? you wonder. Doesn’t he feel the same way about me? We see each other a lot! This is the next step!

Before you get angry, take a step back. Remember, this is online dating. That means there’s an inherent understanding that while you are dating someone, that person could be dating other people, too. You can’t make decisions for yourself and expect people to just follow suit. Dating is as much about communicating well with each
other as it is about everything else – attraction and chemistry included.

So, before you take down that online profile, I ask you to wait. Instead of jumping into a relationship with both feet, even when you’re really tempted, try dipping your toes in first.

When you two are dating in the early stages (the first few months), you’re still getting to know each other. You’re still fact-finding. You’re still trying to see if it’s the right fit.

Which is why it’s important to keep your dating profile active, and keep communicating with and dating people on the site. Don’t invest all of your time and energy into one person when you haven’t yet defined your relationship. Until you’re ready to have a face-to-face conversation about being exclusive, you’re both entitled to date other people. And more to the point, you should.

If you feel that you are ready for the next step, don’t just take your profile down and ask him to do the same (or worse, assume he will do the same). Have a conversation with him. Tell him how you’re feeling. Let him know that you’re ready to try being exclusive. Don’t shy away from the hard conversations. If he’s right for you, he will rise to the occasion and have a serious conversation about where you two are headed. But if you tend to fall in love quickly and easily, then it’s time to proceed more slowly.

Bottom line: Don’t jump headfirst into a new relationship and take down your dating profile so quickly. Take a step back, enjoy the process, and keep dating until you both are ready to be exclusive.

Many thanks to the fabulous Kelly Seal for the post!

When Should You Take Down Your Online Dating Profile? is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

Happy Friday! There were so many great dating articles published this week, but somehow I was able to narrow it down to our ten favorites! Did I miss any? Leave the links to the best dating articles you’ve read this week in the comments below! Have a good weekend!

1. I get embarrassingly nervous before a first date and unfortunately, I’ve let my nerves get the best of me and ruin what should have been a great night. Obviously, I can never get enough great first date tips. (Handbag)

2. When someone breaks up with you, your first response is always WHY? WHY WHY WHY?! If and when they tell you what caused them to end it, do you ever feel better? No way! Ultimately, it might be in your best interest to stop asking why someone broke your heart. (Single Dating Diva)

3. Food truck dates are my favorites! I once went to an all day food truck festival on a second date with a guy and it was a great time. If you’re in the Los Angeles area, don’t miss these food truck date ideas in L.A! (The Urban Dater)

4. Entering the dating scene after going through a divorce can be intimidating. Take it slow and remember these four ways to rebuild your dating life after a divorce. (Female First UK)

5. While love isn’t something you should give up on easily, not every relationship deserves a second chance. I firmly believe that you should not get back together with your ex. (Huffington Post UK Lifestyle)

6. Is there anything worse than being helplessly (and hopelessly) in love with someone who doesn’t love you back? I wish I had read these tips on how to move on from unrequited love when I was in high school and my crush wouldn’t even acknowledge me! (Betty Confidential)

7. There are plenty of ways to tell a guy that you’re interested in him that don’t involve awkward, mumbling confessions at Starbucks. Love these tips on how to reveal your feelings to the hot guy you’re crushing on. (Cosmoplitan UK)

8. Honesty and trust are crucial to a lasting, happy relationship. Love these tips on what to do if your man violates your trust because he lied. (Dating Advice)

9. I spend A LOT of time in the car with my boyfriend, and most of it consists of me flipping through songs on the radio, singing obnoxiously and him cursing at L.A traffic. It’s interesting to see what other couples do when they are in the car together! (Your Tango)

10. Are you guilty of being on your phone while on a date, or do you sometimes forget to return a guys calls, even though you really like him? Break these bad dating habits before they seriously mess up your love life! (Cosmopolitan)

The 10 Best Dating Articles We’ve Read This Week is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

Joe DiMaggio & Marilyn Monroe - 

Marilyn Monroe might have won the hearts of millions of men the world over, but none more so than her husband of nine months, baseball player Joe DiMaggio. After Marilyn’s untimely death in 1962, a grief-stricken Joe ensured that their romance would always live on. He took out a 20-year standing order with a local flower shop, ensuring that, three times a week, a bunch of long-stemmed red roses would be placed on Marilyn’s grave.

Richard Burton & Elizabeth Taylor - 

The love story between Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor is famous for being as tumultuous as it was passionate. Marrying and divorcing each other twice, the pair loved as deeply as they hated. In 1969, Burton decided to put a price on their love, bidding on a 69.42 carat Harry Winston diamond. Despite losing the bid auction to business tycoon Robert Kenmore for over $1 million (in 1969 prices!), Burton wouldn’t take no for an answer and battled Kenmore, buying him out for a still undisclosed sum. After the couple again parted ways, Liz sold the diamond in 1979 for $5 million, which she donated to charity.

Eric Clapton & Pattie Boyd - 

When guitarist Eric Clapton moved into the same neighbourhood as his best friend George Harrison, he probably didn’t realise the havoc it would cause. Clapton soon fell in love with Harrison’s wife, beautiful model Pattie Boyd. Feeling like he had nowhere to turn and repeatedly being rejected by her, Clapton set about writing them their very own love song. Based on Persian love poem ‘The Story of Layla and Majnun’, Clapton wrote the now world famous classic ‘Layla’, finally winning Boyd’s heart in the process.

The building of the Taj Mahal - 

It’s a little known fact that India’s most infamous tourist attraction – The Taj Mahal – is actually a mausoleum built in order to commemorate the death of Mumtaz Mahal, the third wife of Emperor Shah Jahan. After Mahal died giving birth to their 14th child in 1631, the Shah commanded 20,000 workmen to build the impressive marble tomb. Not only did it take 22 years, but on its completion, the Shah insured that nothing would ever compare to its grandness by chopping off the right hand of the chief mason. All in the name of romance.

Edward VIII’s abdication -

The love lives of the rich and famous have always been a point of fascination for us mere mortals. And who were the first celebrities of the world? The monarchy of course! In 1936, King George V died, leaving the British throne to his son, Edward VIII. Edward’s reign as King was controversial, namely due to his relationship with an American socialite, Wallis Simpson. Not only was she not British, she was also divorced – scandalous at the time. Gossip circled that she was everything from a gold digger to a German spy and Edward was forced to choose between his lover and his crown. A true romantic, Edward abdicated the throne in December 1936 and the couple spent the rest of their lives loved up in France.

Can money buy you love? What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?

5 Most Romantic Gestures Of All Time is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

source

Cougars have been given a bad reputation for many years, no thanks to Mrs. Robinson from the movie The Graduate. They are perceived as highly lascivious hunters ready to pounce on younger (but-not-so-innocent) men.

The word cougar is actually ill-fitted for this group of women. It is synonymous with hunger-stricken, savage creatures. But, you know what? The word also symbolizes power, strength, and fearlessness; so I guess, in a way, it’s A-ok!

A lot has been said about the disadvantage of a cougar-cub relationship. People have drawn conclusion from the failed relationships of movie stars (Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, Liz Taylor and Larry Fortensky, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robins). Also, there is that factor that the said relationship does not coincide with old known relationship strategy. Society is more acceptable of older men dating fetuses. That good news is that romance and its entire connotation are constantly changing. It is evolving and people are opening their minds to the good side of this type of relationship. After all, there are valid justifications why dating a cougar rocks!

Men want to be babied

No matter what age they’re in, men are simply big babies! They want to be catered to, smothered with attention, and showered with a lot of affection. Could oedipal complex extend well into adult years? Underneath all that hardcore masculinity is a cute little pudgy baby always in need of protection and security.

Old women are more confident

They’re like fine wine. Women really do get better with age. Women become more confident as they age. It’s a product of a combination of factors that one has survived through the years. It’s a kind of a secured type of confidence – not solely because of beauty, intelligence, or whatever. It’s a different level of confidence. They’re more aware of their whole sexuality and have lost that large amount of insecurity that plagues majority of younger women. Younger men are drawn to older women because they exude the kind of confidence that’s impressive, even seductive. Cougars know what they want and are not afraid to say it.

Less drama, more steamy sex

Now really, who doesn’t want this? Younger men like mature women better because they are mentally and emotionally developed. They can handle relationships better (due to a series of previous relationships). Older women know the fine art of dating sprezzatura. They’re smooth operators. She won’t dish out about her date on her Twitter account nor get mad at petty stuff (e.g. BF forgot to tag GF on a Facebook photo). And the sex…oooh, the sex. According to a study, women’s sexual desire surges as they age. Think girls gone wild but still with finesse.

Their brains are bigger than their boobs

I applaud guys who get past the superficial and prefer women who are intellectual. Beauty and body can easily be enhanced and modified, but you can never (ever, ever) fake brilliance. Older women are wiser and are more fascinating. They have more wisdom and can get into a deeper, more meaningful type of conversations if the need arises.

Paws up cougars! Don’t be afraid to purrrr your way into a younger man’s heart!

Discover the Good Truths About Dating A Cougar is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog

“There’s plenty of other fish in the sea.” Clichés aren’t awesome when someone is happy so it’s safe to say they don’t do a whole lot when people are down either. What is it with the fish thing anyway?

“She just wasn’t right for you.” Gee thanks, but weren’t you the same person who was telling me how perfect we were for each other like two nights ago?

“He was a jerk anyway. “ Actually, he wasn’t. He was a pretty awesome dude who dumped me. Thanks for reminding me of that.

“I always thought she was just using you for your money.” Thanks, because not only do I feel like a failure because I couldn’t keep a great relationship together, but now I feel like an idiot for letting someone use me for a year.

“You can do so much better.” So I have crappy taste in the people I date. The next one probably won’t be that much better. Perhaps I should just stop dating altogether.

What do you think is the worst thing anyone can say during a break up? Add yours to the list.

Five Things to Never Say After a Breakup is a post from the: WeLoveDates blog