Wezen Ball - A Baseball Blog

Doctor Who's On First

larry@wezen-ball.com (Larry Granillo) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 04:40:04 +0000

And now for the latest post from the Terrific Girlfriend. It's a topic that I approve of whole-heartedly, even if I do think she shortchanges ol' Flopsy a little at the end there...

As you may (or may not) have noticed, Wezenlandia has been taken over by Doctor Who.

I used to watch this series religiously when I was a kid at the encouragement of my father (who was also a big Doctor Who fan). I loved the series SO much that I used to pretend that our yellow toy chest was the TARDIS and tried in vain to time travel in the back yard. I'm pretty sure I was trying to go someplace that had an amazing assortment of candy as well as an epic swimming pool. I forgot about it for a couple of years only to watch the TV movie in 1996. I have a special place in my heart for the TV movie and Paul "My Thumbs Have Gone Weird" McGann. It was the last Doctor Who that my father and I shared because he passed away later that year. I saw a few episodes of the reboot but didn't commit to it because it wasn't something that I could watch on a regular basis until we acquired BBC America, iTunes, and Netflix. There was no going back after that.

There is a certain amount of similar romanticism in both Doctor Who and baseball. You can get involved in all the timey-wimey sci-fi numbers aspects of both or look at the more humany wumany aspects. Either way, they're escapism at it's best and I think that's why people love them both so much and why they are the best that humanity has to offer itself. Sure, people make the 'return to your youth' argument, but I think they're each really about the willing suspension of disbelief that is really healthy. Plus, there's a similar level of attachment that comes with, say, your favorite 3rd baseman or Doctor. There is also a certain level of purism between baseball fans and Doctor Who fans. You have the Whovian fanbase freaking out because the Doctor fell in love with some lady while you have baseball fans giving themselves a stroke about the DH/instant replay/women wearing pants/when it was a REAL game/blah blah blah...

With that being said, I thought to myself, "what is the nerdiest thing that I could possibly do that involves both Doctor Who and baseball?" That nerdy thing, of course, is figuring out which version of the Doctor would be best at each position on the field (and in the front offices). Now, keep in mind that these are only suggestions; if you disagree, be my guest.

Oh, for those not in the know, the Doctor is from a planet called Gallifrey and is a Time Lord. If you have any other questions, that's what the interwebs are for. (Ed.'s note: Or you could watch the show - because it's excellent.) One last disclaimer, it should be noted that this information was taken from Wikipedia and edited accordingly. I have also given them nicknames, because everyone in sports has a nickname. Nicknames are cool.

Management:

Doctor #1

William Hartnell, General Manager
The Wizard of Trades

William Hartnell described the Doctor as "a wizard", and "a cross between the Wizard of Oz and Father Christmas". This version of the doctor has been described as grandfatherly. True; I wouldn't describe Ben Cherington or Theo Epstein as grandfatherly, but I might Doug Melvin. Maybe it's the mustache and sweaters.

(Click "Read More" to continue reading.)

Doctor #7

Sylvester McCoy, Manager
The Question

The Seventh Doctor displayed perhaps the most profound change in attitude of any of the Time Lord's personae, beginning as perhaps the most outwardly amiable and bumbling (to the extent of putting himself in danger, but not at the cost of his overall great intelligence and benevolent intentions) and progressing into a driven, dark gamemaster whose plans to defeat his adversaries, both old and new, would play out across space and time. He generally displayed an affable, curious, knowledgeable, easygoing, excitable and charming air. However, as he began to choose his battles and keep a tighter grip on his secrets - from his plans to his very identity - he also presented more serious, contemplative, secretive, wistful and manipulative sides with undercurrents of mischief and authority, constantly giving the impression that there was more to him than met the eye.

I discovered McCoy rather late in the game and absolutely adore this guy; he even might be one of my favorites of all time. His managerial equivalent might be Joe Maddon and a lesser batshit version of Bobby Valentine, or even Casey Stengel. I'm sure at 'dark gamester' you thought, 'oh, that's LaRussa'. Yeah, no. Absolutely not.

The Battery

Doctor #9

Christopher Eccleston, Pitcher
Dr. Laser Rage or Black Ops

I didn't make up the nickname Dr. Laser Rage, it comes from the brilliant writers of the Sarah Silverman Program. Eccleston and McGann (Doctor #8) are easily the most accomplished and best actors out of the bunch. Eccleston is also from Manchester so there's that.

Most gritty, and informal, masking a lonely, guilt-ridden and melancholic personality with a jovial, witty, forthright and almost manic exterior. Did not shy away from using force in situations he would deem necessary. Anyway, you'd want Eccleston and his battery-mate controlling the show. Not really sure of canon here, but I think both fought in the Time War or something. I guess the baseball equivalent to the Time War would be... nothing, unless you had Andy Pettitte and Jorge Posada fighting the war on roids and killing every juicer or something. Basically 8 & 9 kill every timelord because the timelords have gotten too powerful and will wreck the universe.

I'd say maybe the 9th's equivalent might be Zack Greinke, Jonathan Papelbon, or Brian Wilson - something along those lines. That one is tougher to figure out.

Doctor #8

Paul McGann, Catcher
Blackout

Encouraged those around him to seize life instead of withdrawing from it. He also seemed to enjoy giving people hints of their own futures, probably to prod them into making the right decisions. It is unclear if the eighth Doctor's knowledge of people's futures comes from historical expertise, psychic power or precognitive ability. Is prone to forgetfulness. He's more of a central heroic figure than an enabler, encouraging his companions and other people he meets to act upon their more positive impulses. His sidekick, however, looked like Vida Boheme. Which is too bad because she's a great female character (one of my big gripes is that Doctor Who is pure shit when it comes to female companions, excluding Sarah Jane and Martha Jones).

I selected the 8th Doctor at catcher primarily because of his ability to control the situation while also being able to detach from the situation. He's a good Carlton Fisk or Gary Carter.

Side note, Paul McGann was also this guy from Three Musketeers. Well done sir. Well. Done.

Infield

Doctor #5

Peter Davison, 1st Base
Old Chap

Vulnerable, sensitive, and reserved. #5 treated his young companions as parts of a team, and often willingly participated in situations under the leadership of someone else who had the strong command presence that he apparently lacked. Greatly abhorred violence and often hesitated about taking matters into his own hands

Ah, the 5th. He was one of my first crushes when I was little. Him and Luke Skywalker*. I actually liked him a lot more than Tom Baker after I got over the whole, 'Doctor Who isn't BLOND!' thing. Anyway, he's a pretty cool one, a little more emo and might be better off at first base. I think he's along the same lines as Harmon Killebrew and Lou Gehrig.

*Now that I'm older, Han Solo is where it's at. He's a babe.

Doctor #2

Patrick Troughton, 2nd Base
Plaid the Impaler

Scuffy, childlike, clever. Calculating schemer who would not only manipulate people for the greater good, but act like a bumbling fool in order to have others underestimate his true abilities. Loves hats. Always acted heroically and morally in his desire to help the oppressed. I'd say he's a Ryne Sandburg or Rogers Hornsby.

Doctor #6

Colin Baker, 3rd Base
Rainbow Shitstorm

Kind of a twat. Unpredictable and somewhat petulant egoist, whose garish, multicoloured attire reflected his volatile personality. His unpredictability was made even wilder by his mood swings, manic behaviour, bombastic outbursts and glib, unflappable wit. His personality also displayed occasionally fatalistic overtones. He was wicked smart, though.

I feel really bad for Colin Baker. NO one likes this version. I mean, it's hard to like but really, it's more the writers' fault than anything else. Plus, it's kind of like having to play the villain after Ricardo Montalban's brilliant turn in "Wrath of Khan". It's just hard. The writers of this incarnation were also rubbish, so you really can't fault him too much for trying. I align him with Wade Boggs and maybe Chipper Jones. You have to have an aggressive yet slightly psychotic streak to play third successfully. I think in C-Bake's case, he's kind of like Kenny Powers.

Doctor #11

Matt Smith, Shortstop (he plays shortstop now, shortstops are cool)
The Oncoming Storm

Energetic, eccentric and lively soul who possessed a sense of arrogance and a short temper. While the Doctor was usually cheerful and full of manic energy, traits he shared with his previous incarnation, he also had a darker side and was capable of becoming furious if his loved ones were threatened. Less forgiving and more aggressive than his previous incarnation, showing considerable hatred towards his arch enemies. Notable for his self loathing, claiming that he was "a stupid selfish man" and even saying that he hated himself more than anyone else in the universe.

#11 is the Robin Yount or Cal Ripken of the series. He's awesome. In the Christmas special, he put a lemonade faucet in a house. Robin Yount makes lemonade. Boom. Honestly, if you put a faucet of Robinade in our home, you'd be my hero.

Outfield

Doctor #3

Jon Pertwee, Centerfield
The Editor

The Third Doctor was a suave, dapper, technologically-oriented, and authoritative man of action, who not only practised Venusian Aikido or karate, but enjoyed working on gadgets and riding all manner of vehicles. Basically a badass. If this Doctor had a somewhat patrician and authoritarian air, he was just as quick to criticise authority, too, having little patience with self-inflated bureaucrats, parochially-narrow ministers, knee-jerk militarists or red tape in general. He's kind of like a less dickish Ty Cobb, but I'd say Ken Griffey Jr. is more like it. He seems to be the most Ron Swanson of the bunch.

Doctor #4

Tom Baker, Rightfield
The Franchise

One of the most unpredictable in terms of emotional depth, slightly more distant and alien than his other incarnations. Displayed whimsical charm, offbeat humor, permeated by his manic grin, more aloof and somber than his previous incarnations. He could become intensely brooding, serious and even callous. He's the dude with the Gali-fro and the scarf.

This is the incarnation that everyone associated with Doctor Who. Same can be said for Tom Seaver and pitching, or something. ANYWAY, in the days of yore known as the 1970's, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, the BBC syndicated the show to PBS and that's how most of us came to know this version of the Doctor. Which is cool. I really like PBS.

Famous right fielders include Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron, Roberto Clemente and so on. So, 'The Franchise' seems fitting.

Doctor #10

David Tennant, Leftfield
Flopsy

Displays a light-hearted, talkative, easy-going, witty and cheeky manner, but repeatedly demonstrates a vengeful and unforgiving streak as well. Tendency to babble, mixing apparent nonsense with vital information, sometimes acting erratically to put his enemies off-guard. He is prone to making comments that to outsiders seem obtuse or rude, sometimes to his own embarrassment. Describes human beings as both brilliant and stupid in the same sentence while arguing the necessity of emotions.

Also, this guy cries all the time. You're a Time Lord. You've seen shit. Nut up. I'm sure many Whovians would say that he's the Ted Williams of all the incarnations. Ted Williams didn't cry though, because Ted Williams is a man.

Baseball's Opium Den of Innocence

larry@wezen-ball.com (Larry Granillo) — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 19:10:12 +0000

As you might guess, the Ryan Braun news from last night kind of shocked the Wezen Ball household. I'm still processing all of the news and announcements (and anti-announcements), but the Terrific Girlfriend - who you probably already know as @ladywezen on Twitter - had something she wanted to say...

Ryan Braun's drug drama got me thinking. Initially I was angry and felt betrayed. Then I really started thinking.

Most writers have found that marijuana, red wine, and lord knows what else have been more than a sufficient cure for writers' block and a way to enhance creativity and productivity. Yet society has accepted this fact because recreational (or creative) drug use 'unleashes the creative genius within'.

In the 19th century, many writers used (and subsequently because addicted to) opium. When you really look at it, who knows what someone was on when he/she created a work that we consider to be brilliant. How do you know that Charles Dickens didn't write 'A Christmas Carol' after a sojourn in an opium den? The horror! Insist that required reading do not include the works of authors under the influence immediately! Close all the museums and the schools!

I don't recall learning about any 50 day writing suspensions or public crucifixions, but Poe's (a known opium user) "A Tell Tale Heart" is read in schools. Furthermore, we really don't want to admit to ourselves that we wouldn't have some of the best works of the Beatles if it weren't for a variety of mind altering drugs. Mozart was so drunk during his career that he had to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off of the earth. The interesting thing is that the talent was there already. It's not as if they took a pill and magically became something new. It's interesting that we're able to separate the drug use from the genius in literature and art but not in sports. [Ed's note: Or even the frakkin' NFL!]

Does this mean that it's ok to take drugs? No. Drugs, PEDs and the like are bad and degrade society. The reason why I love sports is that I view it as an artistic form where you have to harness the power of body and mind to transform or produce something extraordinary. But we should at least be honest with ourselves. It's ok to crucify an athlete and yet we give ourselves a pass when we harass our doctor for a Xanax prescription because we can't deal with the banality and stress of every day life? Isn't popping Adderral while studying for an important exam considered performance enhancement? Isn't getting drunk a way to enhance the fun at a baseball game?

There are the athletes out there who legitimately do it straight. There are others who feel they need a little extra 'medicinal' aid. There are so many things in professional sports that happen that have and would disgust the living daylights out of us. It's also frustrating that these professional athletes seem to get a free pass yet most of us have to get a drug test just to get a secretarial job.

Yes, professional athletes need to be held to a high standard because they are role models, but shouldn't the rest of us hold each other to a high standard as well? We've somehow equated athletic performance with moral standards. It's really gross.

When it comes to baseball, we put the "p*ssy on the pedestal". Agents, athletes, and organizations make money on the illusion of innocence and the reality of lost dreams and a type of youth that never really existed. In a sense, isn't baseball and professional sports a drug itself? They're a hallucinogenic.

Maybe the reality is that if we want to see pure sport, we should just stick to Little League. At least until kids start testing positive for copious amounts of Mountain Dew and Big League Chew.

Talking About the Brewers with SNYtv

larry@wezen-ball.com (Larry Granillo) — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 20:31:31 +0000

The Brewers begin a three-game series in Milwaukee tonight against the Mets, a team not exactly living up to its fans' expectations. Watch me talk with Ted Berg of SNYtv about the upcoming series.

Tater Trot Tracker: June 5

larry@wezen-ball.com (Larry Granillo) — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 19:14:28 +0000

I usually do my best to keep abreast of the day's goings on in the baseball world (through Twitter and whatnot) so that I don't accidentally miss something home run-related when I watch through the videos. There are times, though, when I don't get a chance to do that and, as such, go into the home run videos pretty blind only to discover some pretty interesting things happened. Sunday was a day like that.

Let's get to those trots.

Home Run of the Day: Albert Pujols, St. Louis Cardinals - 24.26 seconds* [video]
I could get away with not giving the Home Run of the Day to Pujols' walkoff yesterday because of the terrific play by Torii Hunter in the Yankees/Angels game. There is no valid excuse to skip over Pujols today, when he hit a walkoff home run for the second night in a row. I can only imagine how excited Cardinals fans are by the back-to-back walkoffs. You don't have to imagine how excited Pujols is, though - you can see it in his trots. Just watch Saturday's walkoff trot and then Sunday's trot. That's excitement right there.

Dodgers pitcher Chad Billingsley also had a big game, hitting a home run, a double, and earning a run-scoring walk in Cincinnati. Almost any other day that would be enough for Home Run of the Day, but it pales in comparison to Pujols today.

For the rest of today's trots (including trot times for all home runs and one of the most blatant cases of intentional showboating I've yet seen), head over to Baseball Prospectus.

Tater Trot Tracker: May 31

larry@wezen-ball.com (Larry Granillo) — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 18:46:45 +0000

Family issues kept me from posting Monday's trots yesterday. There were 46 hit that day - the biggest day of the year, I believe - but I still had to go back and time then. The times are included below. Tuesday's home run haul was a little smaller, but it was still a pretty good day for taters.

Let's get to those trots!

Home Run of the Day: Mitch Moreland, Texas Rangers - 23.46 seconds [video]
This home run is from Monday, but I can't let it slip by. Watch the video. Now that is a home run. I'm pretty sure he just hit it out of Tropicana and all the way to Tampa. Pretty darn impressive.

For the rest of today's trots (including trot times for all home runs), head over to Baseball Prospectus.

Tater Trot Tracker: May 29

larry@wezen-ball.com (Larry Granillo) — Mon, 30 May 2011 16:53:19 +0000

I know everyone is anxious to get out to their grills for some hot dogs and beer, so I won't keep you waiting.

Let's get to the trots!

Home Run of the Day: David Ortiz, Boston Red Sox - 24.45 seconds [video]
For only the fourth time in his career, David Ortiz hit a pinch-hit home run. Also for only the fourth time in his career, David Ortiz trotted out a 24-second trot.

I kid, I kid. Papi busts out a quick trot every now and then, and it's nice to see it come on Sunday, after a late-inning, go-ahead, pinch-hit bomb. Very appropriate.

Houston starter J.A. Happ hit his first career home run on Sunday, coming in at a league-average 22.06 seconds. The Astros would win the game 4-2. The home run hit by Jay Bruce was not measurable. Being the ESPN Sunday Night Baseball game, the Cardinals/Braves game had only one video feed, and that feed chose not to show Bruce touching home plate. What a shame.

For the rest of today's trots (including trot times for all home runs), head over to Baseball Prospectus.

Tater Trot Tracker: May 23

larry@wezen-ball.com (Larry Granillo) — Tue, 24 May 2011 19:06:38 +0000

I'm not sure I've ever had a day with such a tight competition for the Home Run of the Day. Here in Milwaukee, Corey Hart hit his first, second, and third home runs of the year in the Brewers' 11-3 rout of the Nationals. In San Diego, Albert Pujols hit his first home run in over 100 plate appearances (that didn't stop him from admiring the blast). Jose Bautista continued his torrid pace of making obnoxious sportswriters say inane things with his 19th home run of the season. In Detroit, Andy Dirks hit his first career home run. Josh Hamilton and Nelson Cruz returned to the Rangers' lineup down in Texas and proceeded to each hit a home run to celebrate their return. For a day with only twenty-one home runs hit, it certainly seemed like every one of them was meaningful.

So what was the Home Run of the Day? Let's get to the trots!

Home Run of the Day: Jim Thome #2, Minnesota Twins - 23.19 seconds [video]
As excited as I am for all the home runs mentioned above (and, believe me, it's great seeing Corey Hart playing well), the one that made me most excited was Jim Thome's second blast of the game. The home run came in Target Field and was the 593rd of Thome's career. Like Cruz and Hamilton, this was Thome's first time in the lineup for a few weeks, having recently returned from the disabled list. What makes this more special than any of the others, though, is that the Twins were honoring Harmon Killebrew during the game. Thome is often described as the Killebrew of his generation, so the fact that he managed to sock two home runs on the day Killebrew's memory was honored takes it to a whole other level.

For the rest of today's trots (including trot times for all home runs), head over to Baseball Prospectus.

Tater Trot Tracker: May 22

larry@wezen-ball.com (Larry Granillo) — Mon, 23 May 2011 20:07:18 +0000

The first weekend of interleague play is now concluded, and what have we learned? Players can hit balls just as hard off opposing league pitchers as they can off their own league's pitchers. It's pretty amazing, really. I can't way for when interleague arrives in June for real (for five series in a row instead of just one) so we can learn the same lesson again.

Meanwhile, let's get to the trots!

Home Run of the Day: Asdrubal Cabrera #2, Cleveland Indians - 22.04 seconds [video]
Cabrera finished this game against the Reds a perfect five-for-five with two home runs and five RBIs. You can't ask for a more perfect game at the plate than that. For that, he bests San Francisco's Nate Schierholtz for Home Run of the Day. Schierholtz hit a blast out of AT&T Park in the bottom of the eighth inning to tie the game up. I couldn't tell if it hit the sidewalk before splashing into McCovey Cove, or if it splashed on the fly. The Giants would go on to win in the eleventh.

For the rest of today's trots (including trot times for all home runs), head over to Baseball Prospectus.

Catching up with Baseball Prospectus

larry@wezen-ball.com (Larry Granillo) — Wed, 11 May 2011 20:15:01 +0000

I know I've done a poor job of keeping Wezen-Ball updated over here with links and info to my other writings. I apologize for that. I'll try to keep things up-to-date a little more often. As an apology, here are a few links to some of my favorite pieces over the last month or so. Enjoy!

A (nearly) exhaustive look at every mascot in Major League Baseball history. Help me fill in any gaps.
A story called "How 'Scientific Baseball' Has Changed the Game" originally published in 1911.
The umpire behind the plate for Johnny Vander Meer's second no-hitter was also an NHL ref and a Stanley Cup wining coach!
There are three managers in baseball named Ron. Which is baseball's version of Ron Swanson?
A boardgame from the mid-1960s called "Challenge the Yankees". Nice looking card set too.
Remembering Manny Ramirez upon his retirement. This one gets a little Cardboard Gods-y (in a good way, I hope).
In Tater Trot Tracker news, Peter Bourjos sets a new bar (14.02 seconds!) and we have a look at Duane Kuiper's lone trot.

I'll do a better job of keeping everyone in the loop here. In the meantime, you can see my latest posts with this Baseball Prospectus RSS feed.

I will also be doing a chat at BPro Thursday afternoon at 1pm Eastern. Everyone is welcome. Hope to see you over there!

Quick Predictions Contest Update

larry@wezen-ball.com (Larry Granillo) — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 04:18:50 +0000

Just wanted to let everyone who submitted a Predictions Contest entry know that, now that the contest is closed, the full list of entries is available.

Head over to the 2011 Wezen-Ball Predictions Contest form to see your (and everyone else's) contest entry. There were 143 entries total, which is pretty fantastic. I can't wait to see how this plays out come October or so.

I'll have a little more about the contest in the upcoming week or so. Thanks for playing, everyone!