What Am I Doing With My Life?

Crazy Real Life Stories Pt. 1

2020-08-09T17:56:00.003-07:00

* For privacy reasons, I will avoid all names. If it comes to a specific time where a name is necessary, I will say female or male for adults and girl or boy for children!!!*

Creepy Family:

My mom worked at a plant, as a secretary, for a few years and introduced me into a broad spectrum of people. They were from all over the world. I remember this one specific couple who were absolutely insane, but didn't show it until I was more in the picture. Maybe they weren't bad, but there was too much bazar things that occurred, with my time with them.

I was 16 or 17 at the time and I was really dead set on graduating and becoming a teacher. Working with kids was my passion. My mom knew this, and since I had a few years experience with babysitting, she let the couple know. They mentioned how they were thinking about getting a nanny for the summer, while school was outa and they were having to work. I agreed. At this time, I was super young, super shy and didn't know these people. I was nervous the first day, but I went.

I got to the couple's house around 6:30 in the the morning, I was so nervous I was nauseous as crap! I went in the house as they were getting ready for work and the kids were still sleeping. I sat on the couch, as they explained to me that their son has allergies to SO MANY different foods and with him still being 4 years old, he could still be allergic to things they didn't know about, so they gave me a general gist of things I was able to feed him. They let me know that he was aware of the things he could or couldn't have and would gladly let me know, but I was still to be cautious. I was told to have them practice their lessons, that way they are still learning over their summer break. I acknowledged all of this, for it was my plan to still teach them anyway, they loved that.

Eventually they left, I was sitting on the couch waiting for the kids to wake up when I got the most stomach wrenching feeling that I was about to blow chunks! I shot up and ran to the bathroom and threw up. Before I was thinking that I was just nervous, but evidently I was actually sick, because I never puke unless I am very sick. I texted my mom and let her know what was happening and she told me suck it up because obviously she didn't believe me. I went back to the living room, still texting her with fear. I was uncomfortable, now sick, I was scared, I just wanted to leave. Next thing I know I hear movement in the far side of the house and then the dad appears in the frame entering to the living room. He waved "hi" and said he wouldn't be long, he just had to take care of something and shower. I found that very weird, since he had just showered before going to work, but I kept my distance and stayed in the living room, just in case. Once he came out of the bathroom, in his towel, to head to his bedroom (stopping first to see if I was still in the living...), I made my way into the kitchen, to be as close to the door as possible. He eventually comes out, fully clothed, doesn't say anything to me and heads out to the garage. He then comes back in after a good half hour and informs me that he caught a raccoon on the way to work and decided to bring it home for a pet, for the kids.
I quit the next day.

Maybe that wasn't as weird as I feel it was, but that was just the start of awfully weird situations.

I had a few weird situations, with them, even after quitting, because my mom and the family still remained friends, but I didn't babysit their kids again, unless it was out of their house. I remember my mom telling me, awhile after spending time with their family, that the mother started coming to my mom, asking if she knew about the husband's cheating. My mom had no idea, so that's what she told the wife. The wife, if I can remember correctly, accused my mom of being the side hoe. It was at this point my mom started realizing something was off with this family. She still stayed in contact with them, because they all did work together and they were nice people, they were just weird. One day the wife came into my mom's office and told her that she can hear a woman in her husband's office and she can hear them having sex, through the vents. My mom instantly knew this woman was batshit, because her office and my mother's office weren't even in the same trailer as the woman's husband's office.

A few weeks, maybe a month, later my mom gets a call from the wife that he and her husband are fighting and he is scaring her and the kids are home and her mother's if their visiting and he had pushed her down "on accident" and was asking if she was able to "come help". My mom said she didn't want to, so she mentioned how I could come take the kid's to the park, to get them out of the house. The woman said that was a good idea, so then she let me know what was going on and told me to go get the kids. I was nervous as hell and didn't want to, but the fact that the kids were alone with all that mess, I decided to do it, but I brought my boyfriend along, just in case.

When my boyfriend and I got to the house the wife was standing outside, by their vehicle, with her mother. I asked where the kids were and she said her husband had taken them to get ice cream and to cool off (weird, considering her just threw your mother down and y'all were in a crazy fight), so I said, "okay, I'm glad things got better." And without skipping a beat this woman looked me dead in the eye and goes,

"Will you please take my mother to the hospital, for me? I don't want to leave the house, in case the kids get back."

I was shocked and instantly my stomach hurt again. My boyfriend didn't say anything and I wasn't brave enough to say no, so there we went to the hospital. I never had met this woman in my life, I knew hardly anything about who she was and yet I am taking her to the hospital, to get her knee looked at, because it was split open from her "accidental" fall. We had to take her car, so I made my boyfriend drive, since I was so scared. I'm sure the hospital people thought we were coocks, because everyone there that the situation was weird.

After we took her back to the family's house, my boyfriend and I left and I told my mom I never wanted to talk to that family again. The mother tried getting a hold of me a few days later, to see if I could watch the kids and I said "no", which made her mad and I haven't talked to her since.

Thoughts/Feelings Freed Prisoner

2020-08-09T00:46:00.003-07:00

Not so long ago, I was your prisoner. You controlled my thoughts and feelings, no matter where I was. I looked upon you as a wound creator, the person who changed my life forever. You took my freedom and my innocents. You took my will to live.

I once looked up to you as the person to save me, when everything would go wrong. I thought of you are my savior. You are nothing more than a soul murderer.

I am not released from your mental imprisonment. I can now stand with both feet planted on the ground, hardening my balance. I now can plan for my future, a life without you in it. You no longer get to control my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions. You now are on your own.

I now look upon myself for survival and strength. I now rely on myself for protection. Once taught, from a young age, to defend your heart, you learn to never trust anyone with the key.

I am a survivor. You are nothing more than a destroyer.

Poem Altitude Madness (TRIGGER WARNING)

2020-08-09T00:27:00.007-07:00

Creep into your bedroom and unravel your fears:

Look upon the night sky,

look up the shinning moon.

Here is where I'll lie,

wrapped around myself, being both little and big spoon.

Fighting the urge to scream,

fighting the urge to cry.

Made it's in my head, maybe its all just a bad dream.

You were there, not long ago,

fighting my battles along my side.

I hate to admit it though,

you were there for me when I'd rather of died.

It is now time to let go,

no more holding you captive inside.

It is time for my next show,

I'm not longer your eternal bride.

The drop it nothing more than a leap away,

forever I'll go, forever I will stay.

Poem Falling Freedom

2020-08-09T00:20:00.002-07:00

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Look up at the sky and see a many rain cloud.

Rain falling on the tin,

while you lay your head upon the ground.

This is your day.

This is your time.

Close your eyes.

Don't worry about the pay.

Don't fit to your disguise.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Feel the rain fall upon your face.

Forget all your sin.

You are in your rightful place.

Don't rush or hurry,

you'll soon start to worry.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

This is what like is truly about.

Conception by EU Naturals

2020-04-21T10:54:00.005-07:00

It's been awhile since I have been on here and updated, but I have some exciting but kind of scary news!

I was scrolling through Facebook the other day and came across this brand of fertility pills, called "Conception" and the company name is "Eu Naturals". Evidently these pills are supposed to help your body get healthy and get its shit together, so you can pop out a little baby. I did some reading in the comments, on the website, reviews, everything I could find. I wanted to know everything, because I was genuinely interested! This company creates these pills that are supposed to be all natural and no chemicals and healthy for you. They stink like crazy, apparently, but I guess if you're really wanting something you'll put up with it!
I came across this review of a lady who said she has endometriosis and she took it and got pregnant after about a month of taking the pills. I found another girl who has PCOS who admitted to getting pregnant after 4 months of being on the pills... At this point my hopes are slightly more up and I'm trying hard to not let them, but it happens.

I cracked.

I just took my first pill today and am going to try my hardest to update each week, to get the information of my newest journey. After a month, if nothing happens, I might order the male bottle, with another female bottle, and have Jacob taking some medicine as well.

I can't guarantee anything, so I keep trying to tell myself that this is just an experiment and that there is a HIGH chance that nothing will happen, but you just never know.

I'm excited for this journey and am hoping for the best, but I am also extremely nervous, as well. I am to take 1 pill a day, for 2 weeks, then after I complete the 2 weeks I am to go to 2 pills a day until I get pregnant! Cross them fingers!

Main website:
https://store.eunatural.com/

Fertility page:
https://store.eunatural.com/collections/pregnancy-fertility

Conception bottle page:
https://store.eunatural.com/products/conception-female-fertility-prenatal

Start of Something New!

2020-02-11T18:14:00.000-08:00

Wow, it sure has been a minute since I have made a post on here, but don't fret, I am still here, just been busy!

So, recently I started class to become a Phlebotomist; those of you whom don't know what a Phlebotomist is, I will tell you! Phlebotomists are the people, in hospitals, who draw your blood, when you are needing tests done!
I am enjoying classes, but things are starting to get tricky, because I also just started my pharmacy tech job. I'm working a lot and having to focus all my attention on the new job and getting the basics down, that I haven't been able to fully focus on school. I think I am going to need to talk to my boss and figure out a better schedule. If this doesn't happen, I am going to have to figure out a way to get a job with decent hours or see if I can get a "loan" from the bank to take care of my bills, while in class, then I'll pay it back after I am done with school and am able to focus all my attention on phlebotomy!

"What's up?"

2019-11-19T20:25:00.003-08:00

I want to talk to you. I want to get to know you. Tell me all about:

Science thoughts

Death

Aliens

Sex

Meaning of Life

Lies you have told people and why

Your "flaws"

Childhood

Insecurities

Fears

Emotions

I don't want to just have small talk, I want to get to know everyone I meet.

Journal Prompts: 1

2019-11-19T17:47:00.003-08:00

What does your dream life look like?

Married, living in the county, 2 babies- 1 boy and 1 girl, dogs, all of us are happy and healhty.

What does your ideal day look like?

I go grocery shopping, without worrying if I am over budget, and I come home to my family, while we put away groceries and prepare for our family to come over for a big family meal. Then after dinner, all the kids go play, while the adults play games while drinking and enjoying each others company.

Where do you see yourself in 6 months? 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

in 6 months: working in phlebotomy, my own apartment, Jacob visiting every chance he gets, and I'm pregnant. In 1 year: I see myself with an infant, engaged, working at a hospital, Jacob looking into properties for us to build our house. In 5 years: I see me pregnant again, married, living in our built home, in the country or a small town, near home, but a good time away. Jacob is happy with his job and I with mine. Our first kid is doing great in school. In 10 years: I see Jacob and I with 2 very smart children, doing great in school and sports. I love my job and he his. We are looking into Jacob retiring.

What do you know to be true today, that you didn't know a year ago?

Anyone can turn on your, for any reason. Just because you think you know someone, it doesn't mean that when something goes south, you know exactly how they will react in the situation. I have lost 2 very best friends for reason I'll never know. But, that is life.

In this moment, what are 4 things that you are grateful for?

My car, my boyfriend, my family, and my faith.

What limiting beliefs are holding you back from living your dream life?

I believe that I'll never be able to do anything remotely responsable on my own, because I can't handle being by myself.

What distractions are hindering your productivity?

I am more focused on have a baby and getting married, than I am worried about being thankful that I am at the point in my life where I am able to think about those things and have the option for those things.

What actions can you take today to simplify your life?

Focus on my career and focus on getting my own place.

Movie Review: After - 2019 NO SPOILERS

2019-11-18T20:20:00.001-08:00

I think this movie is incredible. I didn't get the chance to read the book, before watching the movie and I know I will probably be going to entertainment hell for that, but whatever. Here are my in-depth thoughts!

* Josephine Langford character, Theresa's (Tess/Tessa), is portrayed perfectly, I think. She is soft spoken, but firm. She lays down her thoughts and feels and doesn't hold back. She is a pure and innocent soul. Her attraction to Hardin is surprisingly unsurprsing.

*Hero Fiennes - Tiffin, Hardin, is portrayed perfectly as well. He is very stand-offish, rough but gentle, and secretive. He has a lot of skeletons in his closet, for sure, but he is so graceful that it gets shoved to the side. His attraction to Tess is beautiful, no matter how is originated.

*How the meet is pure and beautifully pictured, because it instantly shows how their relationship will breathe. She is nervous, for good reasons, and he is calm and mysterious. She doesn't say much and neither does he, but their looks are informational. You precieve how smart they both are and how much they are both into the love of books and thier hiden answers.

*The confusion Tess has with Hardin and all his friends is magnifying. It has you really dig deeper into her curiosity and makes you feel as though you are experiencing her fictional college story with her. She is semi-close with one of his friends, hated by another, nervous by a big one and comforted by the last. She handles it all fairly well, for being a naively smart young woman.

*I do think their fight is due for a conversation, but not where it shifts. I feel he had given her enough emotional evidance as to why everything that had happened, being a mistake. For all the times he was closed off, for fear, he was finally open, even with the "fragile" audience that he had. So, in simple terms, she was being a bit dramatic. That whole scene it's self was overly dramatised! BUT, her roomate was definelty a horrible friend, which shocked me. She should have told her.

*The conversation with Noah, Dylan Arnold, was very mature and yearningly relatable. Every girl who has had a conversation with a common male and died for this type of loving and understanding conversation. Noah showed his kindness and his heart. I'm sure he will have the ladies in happy tears!

*The mother/daughter love this movie shows is both crazy and spot on! "He's going to break your heart.". Who hasn't heard this from their mothers? If you haven't, how is your marriage? We all are curious. Please give us tips.

*The ending.... I'm sorry, but what is that? I get, it's for TV, but holy moly gorly! NO teacher would do this. I would know, I'm a teacher. Also, did anyone see the road when he first took her there? How would she have gotten there, she only had a bike. Also, that is a horribly perfect way to end a movie. It kept me yearning for more! After We Collided, please hurry up. Thanks.

Here are some of my quick thoughts of the movie. I hope you watch and enjoy. Don't forget to share your thoughts with me!

Book: Something Blue by Emily Giffin

2019-10-17T13:06:00.001-07:00

This book is probably one of my favorite books, right now.

This book is about a woman who thinks she has the perfect life- she is beautiful, has a childhood best friend, engaged, good job, friends, close family, etc. A week before she is supposed to get married, she decides to back out of the wedding due to her cheating and becoming pregnant. Little does she know (but soon finds out), her best friend and fiancé are sleeping together. Her whole world spirals down and she is (sort of) forced to move to Paris, where a distant friend lives. He 100% puts her in check and she turns her life around.

This book is a great book to read, if you feel like your life is perfect or if you think your life is going to shit. This book is great for helping you stop and think about how you treat other people and how other people might take you.

Depressing Music

2019-10-17T12:43:00.002-07:00

So, I know they say you shouldn't listen to sad music when you are already sad, because it only makes it worse, BUT..... I am not that way. I listen to 95% depressing music. So, here is some songs to listen to, if you're like me!

The Scientist - Corinne Bailey Rae

You Are The Reason - Calum Scott (ft. Leona Lewis)

When The Party's Over - Billie Eilish

Drunk Girl - Chris Janson

Break Up In The End - Cole Swindell

Never Enough - Cimorelli (ft. James Charles)

Always Remember Us This Way - Lady Gaga

Rehab - Machine Gun Kelly

Girl - Maren Morris

Kristy, Are You Doing Okay? - The Offspring

I'll Never Love Again - Lady Gaga

My Immortal - Evanescence

Sad Song - We The Kings

Jealous - Labrinth

Skyscraper - Demi Lovato

Hurt - Christina Aguilera

7 Years - Lukas Graham

Amnesia - 5 Seconds Of Summer

Not About Angles - Birdy

All I Want - Kodaline

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

Try - Colbie Caillat

I'll Stand By You - Glee Cast Version

Girl Crush - Little Big Town

Home (Live Version) - Michael Buble (ft. Blake Shelton)

I'm Sorry - Blake Shelton

I'm Not The Only One - Sam Smith

Warrior - Demi Lovato

Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri

Let Her Go - Passenger

Because Of You - Kelly Clarkson

Lost Boy - Ruth B

Goodbye World - Reed Foehl

All It's Stars - Reed Foehl

Love Someone - Lukas Graham

Angel - Angelsfall

Fifteen - Taylor Swift

Dear Mr. President - P!nk

When She Loved Me - Sarah McLachlan

Prom Queen - Catie Turner

When You Love Someone - James TW

All By Myself - Celine Dion version

The Daughters - Little Big Town

More Hearts Than Mine - Ingrid Andress

Come Away With Me - Norah Jones

Don't Know Why - Norah Jones

We're Not Friends - Ingrid Andress

Stay With Me - Sam Smith

Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.

Breathe Me - Sia

I Will Remember You - Sarah McLachlan

Fix You - Coldplay

Say Something - Alex & Sierra version

Anxiety - Julia Michaels (ft. Selena Gomez)

I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie

Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt

Whiskey Lullaby - Brad Paisley (ft. Alison Krauss)

Creep - Brian Justin Crum version

All Of Me - John Legend

If You Say So - Lea Michele

Make You Feel My Love - Adele

Sober - Demi Lovato

Temporary Home - Carrie Underwood

Fix A Heart - Demi Lovato

Goodnight Moon - Go Radio

Tonight I Wanna Cry - Keith Urban

Goodbye's (The Saddest Word) - Celine Dion

When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars

Stay - Rihanna

Don't Speak - No Doubt

It Must Have Been Love - Roxette

All Too Well - Taylor Swift

Back To December - Taylor Swift

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

For The First Time - The Script

Waiting For Superman - Daughtry

How To Save A Life - The Fray

Please Don't Leave Me - P!nk

The One That Got Away - Katy Perry

Be Alright - Dean Lewis

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

Happiness - Hobo Johnson

If there are any songs that you listen to, during your emotional times, or just whenever you feel like it, that I didn't put on this list, leave them in the comments so I can check them out!

Music I'm Vibing

2019-10-17T11:29:00.002-07:00

Music Interests (right now)

Country

One Man Band - Old Dominion

The Daughters - Little Big Town

Ocean - Lady Antebellum

From This Moment - Shania Twain

Like A Rodeo - Kane Brown

Read Me My Rights - Brantley Gilbert

Sheriff You Want To - Luke Combs

This One's For You -

Luke Combs

Used To You - Luke Combs

Out There - Luke Combs

I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack

A Moment Like This - Kelly Clarkson

Picture To Burn - Taylor Swift

Wide Open Spaces - Dixie Chicks

You're Still The One - Shania Twain

Rock
My Immortal - Evanescence

Wrong Side Of Heaven - Five Finger Death Punch

Lift Me Up - Five Finger Death Punch

Never Enough - Five Finger Death Punch

Far From Home - Five Finger Death Punch

I Apologize - Five Finger Death Punch

I Refuse - Five Finger Death Punch

Remember Everything - Five Finger Death Punch

Kristy, Are You Doing Okay? - The Offspring

The Sound Of Silence - Disturbed

Tangled Up In You - Staind

Sound Of Madness - Shinedown

The Crow & The Butterfly - Shinedown

Call Me - Shinedown

R&B

Say Goodbye - Chris Brown

Survivor - Destiny's Child

Unfaithful - Rihanna

Me & U - Cassie

Wall To Wall - Chris Brown

Goodbye - Kristinia DeBarge

No Scrubs - TLC

Christian

You Say - Lauren Daigle

Voice Of Truth - Casting Crowns

Misc.
Come Away With Me - Norah Jones

Don't Know Why - Norah Jones

Asleep - The Smiths

Wild Horses - The Sundays

Pop

Jealous - Labrinth

More Hearts Than Mine - Ingrid Andress

We're Not Friends - Ingrid Andress

Lady Like - Ingrid Andress

When The Party's Over - Billie Eilish

Dear Mr. President - P!nk

Fifteen - Tayler Swift

Walk Me Home - P!nk

Love Someone - Lukas Graham

I listen to all types of music, but these are some jams that I listen to currently, depending on my vibe.

Welcome

2019-10-17T10:58:00.002-07:00

Hello you...

I would like to keep this blog as anonymous as possible,

though I don't know how long that will last.

I doubt this blog will become known,

so I don't know why I am so protective of my identity.

I have, as I feel, a crazy life,

some might find it crazy,

some might find it funny,

some might even find it stupid,

but at least it's being found.

I am not a writer,

I am not a super, over-the-top smart person,

I am me.

I like to write,

I like to type,

I like to express myself.

I will likely share music interests,
book interests,
memes (because it's 2019),
and stories of my life.
This blog will, more than likely, be a hot mess.
But what isn't, honestly.

So here goes nothing....

I hope you enjoy.
Please comment.
I like thoughts
and
criticism.
Builds character.

What Am I Doing With My Life?

Crazy Real Life Stories Pt. 1

*Thoughts/Feelings* Freed Prisoner

*Poem* Altitude Madness (**TRIGGER WARNING**)

*Poem* Falling Freedom

Conception by EU Naturals

Start of Something New!

"What's up?"

Journal Prompts: 1

Movie Review: After - 2019 *NO SPOILERS*

Book: Something Blue by Emily Giffin

Depressing Music

Music I'm Vibing

Music Interests (right now)

Welcome

Hello you...

Thoughts/Feelings Freed Prisoner

Poem Altitude Madness (TRIGGER WARNING)

Poem Falling Freedom

Movie Review: After - 2019 NO SPOILERS