And it doesn’t even look good. It does have a ton of tv’s inside though.

The other day, I am pulling into the Kroger parking lot to make a quick milk (and ice cream even though it was not on the list) run for my wife. In my search for that up close spot that is 5 feet away from that spot that is just too far away, I go down my favorite isle to find a parking spot right towards the front! It’s my lucky day! I don’t have to exert the extra energy that it takes to walk 20 feet thanks to this incredibly close white line, rectangle home for my truck. I turn the corner and what do I find? A grocery cart sitting in the middle of the parking spot.

You have to be freaking kidding me? What is it about people that make them believe that this kind of behavior in a modern society is acceptable? Why do they think that they are so incredibly awesome that the rules of normal grocery cart usage does not apply to them? Do they really think it is ok to leave their empty grocery cart in a parking spot and drive away when the kind people at Kroger have made a metal enclosure built for grocery cart containment just 15 feet away from your parking spot? To make matters worse…the grocery store has made MULTIPLE stations that their sole purpose is to contain these roll-able, car denting, space taking carts so that you do not have to make your lazy ass walk too far away from your motor vehicle.

Remember the days when there wasn’t a metal containment area and you had to walk the cart all the way back into the store? I swear that we have more rogue carts now than we did then and this is all on the heals of trying to make cart return an easier process. I really have a hard time believing that the general population is still that selfish. What goes through the head of a typical consumer as they leave their empty cart in a parking spot. Are they just too lazy to walk? Do they think they are above the rules? Or do they just not care?

I hope that karma steps in and every time they leave a grocery cart in a parking lot their next trip to the grocery store is going to include a rogue cart leaving a huge scratch and dent on their car. Sooner or later…they would have to get annoyed enough and put 2 and 2 together. We could change the behavior of one selfish ass one dent at a time until their beautiful BMW looks like a beater.

The ATM is a modern marvel. Now…the lucky consumer can walk or drive up to this incredible machine, insert a plastic card and cash pops out quickly and easily! Its really amazing if you think about it. The idea is getting eager, cash spenders out of the bank and into their own self-checkout line to handle simple tasks that normally clogged the system inside the precious doors of the bank. Where else can you go and get cash that easily…or at least it is supposed to be…

The Infamous ATM Waiting Line

Why is it that we have this incredible machine that is supposed to make our lives easier in search of the incredible green paper that brings us happiness only to find frustration and disappointment as we continually have to deal with individuals who can’t seem to think?! It never fails…every time I run to the ATM to pull out a Jackson or two…there is one of two people at the ATM who decide to hold up the entire line…making what should have been a quick trip that brought money bliss into a frustrating 20 minute long event.

1 – The Annoying ATM Banker

I bet you know exactly who I am talking about before I even get into this rant. This ellusive ATM banker has decided that they are going to perform the following functions at the ATM instead of going into the bank because getting out of their car on their lunch hour on a Wednesday just sounds like too much work.

• Make 3 deposits with checks that are not filled out or in envelops, so they are going to do it in their vehicle while everyone else waits patiently.
• Make a separate withdrawal out of that same account.
• Check the balance of the checking account and the savings account by getting print outs.
• Oh wait…I have three other accounts that I have to do the same thing with during this “short” trip to the ATM!

Are you serious? Your actions require 20 minutes of work (if you were ready and you aren’t)! Everyone else…who just needs to grab some lunch money so they can hopefully stop into Wendy’s, shove down some fat filled, triple cheeseburger bliss and rush back to their office just in time to be 5 minutes late…has to wait for your inconsiderate ass to slowly take your time making 34 transactions at a station that is supposed to be fast!

There should be a timer on every ATM that only allows you 5 minutes of banking time before your card is sucked in and you have to go inside to retrieve it. At that point in time, they are going to charge you a 10 dollar admin fee for being a jerk.

2 – Help! This is as hard as Chinese algebra!

Now…I am pretty sure that everyone past the age of 12 has used an ATM more times than they can count. You would think…that with all of this practice…we wouldn’t have ATM users that still get up there and get confused by the prompts. They have made the ATM literally idiot proof, so why are there still ATM users out there that have to go through a million screens searching for the FAST CASH button? It’s on the first screen! Hit the button, select 20 bones and move on your way! It’s not that difficult but for some reason…these pure geniuses of society can’t seem to get it right no matter how many times they walk up to the 12×12 inch touch screen and number pad.

Do we need to inact an ATM test and if you fail…the card just goes into the machine and never comes out? Nah…probably not…then they would just stand there pushing random buttons just taking up more of people’s time that they don’t have.

Question: What is the only job on this planet that you can be wrong 99.9% of the time and not get fired?

Answer: A Weatherman

It amazes me on a daily basis. How can you be so wrong and get paid so well of it? Rewind to 1993. The northern half of the state of Georgia is enjoying a regular week in March. Like most winter/spring transitions in the southeast United States, there is NO SNOW. We are lucky to get even enough to dust the ground during the winter…much less anything that actually sticks. The weatherman on March 12th forecasts light rain as we head into the night. What do we wake up to the next morning? One of the largest blizzards in the countries history! Not even close man! Seriously?

We see it on a daily basis.

• You are leaving the house in the morning with the expectation of a nice day because you watched the weather channel that morning and about noon…the sky falls and you have no umbrella.
• Better cancel the weekend plans at the lake! Joe Schmoe the weatherman says its going to be raining all day. Half way through a beautiful Saturday afternoon you realize that you could have gone to the lake and today is a waste!

I know of no other job on this planet (maybe a DMV worker) where you can be wrong this much and keep your job. On top of that, you are paid well above the median wage to complete your task! Can you imagine going to a restaurant expecting your food to be wrong most of the time and being ok with that? How about only getting a car that actually runs 7 out of 10 times you purchase an automobile? What if you could to to work everyday and not worry about being wrong? Then…when you were wrong…you got a raise! The madness has to stop!

You would think…if we can put a man on the moon in 1969, we would be able to figure out the weather in 2009! You can have better results by standing next to a window and taking a look for yourself…

I am browsing through my Facebook miscellaneous time wasters the other day and as I am checking out the status time line to see who is doing what. All of the sudden, I see something very strange in the right sidebar. Do you want to become a fan of sleeping? Interesting…who isn’t a fan of sleeping? At some point in time in our lives we are all a fan of sleeping. It seems kind of odd to have a whole page dedicated to all that is sleep and its pure greatness in this world. I didn’t think much of it and moved on to commenting random thoughts of pure genius on other people’s wall o’ thoughts.

Again, I come back to the home screen to check on more status updates because in our instant information world…we have to know what everyone is doing right then or we will lose our freakin’ minds. On my right column there is a new box…do you want to become a fan of Jesus? Are you serious? Did Jesus really come down and say…

You know what? I am having kind of a slow day. I’ll create a Facebook fan page!

Does it make me sacrilegious do not become a fan of Jesus? On that day where all of my life decisions come into question at the pearly gates of heaven, am I not going to gain entrance into eternal bliss because I didn’t become a fan on Facebook?

I’m sorry Robb. We would love to let you in, but you never became a fan of me. You had your chance man…sorry!

Are people going to think differently of me if I don’t become a fan? What if I hold those beliefs but don’t want to profess them on Facebook? After 5 minutes of the internal mind/thought circling…I let it go and went about my business. Then it hit…

• Do you want to become a fan of God?
• Do you want to become a fan of the beach?
• Do you want to become a fan of I need a vacation?
• Do you want to become a fan of I love sleep (not just sleep like before).

This is insanity and it needs to stop! What happened to becoming a fan of sports teams or tv shows? Do I really have to be a fan of everything I like in life or can I just enjoy it and move on? Whoever is creating all of these fan pages needs to have their keyboard taken away….

Do you want to be 1 of 3,404,204 people that are a fan of “I need a vacation”?

We all  know this kind…the one that would rather do it himself than have someone that actually knows what they are doing complete the job. He asks you on a regular basis “why pay someone else when I can do it myself? How hard could it be?” This master plumber, electrician, auto mechanic and wood worker would rather do the job 5 times wrong spending 3 times as much money than suck up his pride for 3 freakin’ seconds and pay someone to do the job correctly or actually take the time and effort to ask someone who knows what they are doing. This ingenious worker really does believe that a 12 pack of Budweiser and a little elbow grease can conquer even the most difficult jobs without the aid of actual knowledge of the subject at hand. It doesn’t have to last for forever…just long enough to show the wife that I was actually smart enough to complete the job! I’ll show her who the man in the house is! How dare she roll her eyes at me and say, “yeah…suuuureeee you can do it. I’ll get the yellow pages ready…”

The Story Behind This Rant

So we bought this house…it is a great house and I am happy with 99.9% of it. We had a incredible inspection done before purchasing (by the head of the inspection agency) so the vitals are all correct and in tact. I would not have even bought the house if I thought there was something wrong with it or if it was going to be more than a slight annoyance that I would have to fix. There are just a couple of things…especially in the garage…that you look at with one of those WTF moments. What the hell was he thinking when he did this? Are you serious? You call these cabinets? Why are there 30 joints in a 9 foot stretch of copper tube?! Running wiring on the outside of drywall? That doesn’t even make sense! Time to gut and start over!

It is my belief that you should have a license to do it yourself. There should be some sort of test that you have to pass before you can purchase more than 5 tools at one time or any tool above $100. That way…when someone goes to actually use whatever you have tried to ruin, the damage will not be as bad as it could be. There is absolutely nothing more annoying that having to redo the work of others and this would be drastically reduced with the introduction of a do-it-yourself’er test. I can only imagine what experts think when these do-it-yourself experts have them fix what they have spent hours messing up. Once you pass the test…you are good to go! If you fail…no tools for you! And no…if you fail the test, you can not park in the handicap parking spots at Home Depot, so don’t even ask!

I am going to piss off just about every cat owner out there with this article…but I DON’T CARE! I hate your outside cat! Last night, I am sitting with my wife trying to enjoy a nice dinner. Our two Boxers are blissfully playing in our fenced in backyard…did I mention it was fenced in? Ok…just making sure. All of the sudden, my 75 pound male, Hans, is losing his f’in mind. He is barking and running all over the backyard. As I walk outside to see what all of the ruckus is about and to stop him from barking (I am one of those neighbors who KEEPS his dogs from annoying everyone else in the ‘hood), I notice that he is now jumping on the fence that he doesn’t think he can clear! You know…because the reason we have a fenced in backyard is to keep our pets from annoying/bothering/etc. the rest of the neighborhood.

What could be causing all of this mess? An outside cat! Of course! There is a cat on the top of my fence post that is a pet of someone else in the neighborhood, and it is driving my dogs…who are in their own backyard…absolutely crazy. Why on earth do people get a pet and then expect the rest of the world to just put up with it? What makes them think that I wanted a cat as a pet too? I don’t want a cat as a pet. If I wanted a cat, I would have gone out and got one! Instead…YOUR CAT is in MY FENCED IN BACKYARD causing problems! To make matters worse…I am allergic to cats! So you can understand my frustration when your cat wants to call my house home!

When you decide to have a pet, you take that on the responsibility to make sure that your pet does not annoy the rest of the neighborhood. We don’t live in a farm out in the middle of no where that pets can just roam free without causing major problems. We live in a busy neighborhood in the ‘burbs of Atlanta (have to use a little ‘hotlanta lingo every now and then!). You are lucky that I have enough of a conscience that I don’t let my two Boxers eat your cat! Instead…I now have to interrupt my nice dinner by taking the dogs inside and shoo off your “pet” from my backyard.

Now…I know there are a select few dog people out there that make their dogs the top of the world and a very few amount of those let their dogs roam around like they own the place. However, what is it about cat owners that make them think it is ok to let their cats just roam all over the place? Every neighborhood I have ever lived in has had several outside cats that call the entire place home. The madness has to stop! There is no such thing as an outside or inside cat! You got a pet…now act like it!

No…I am not talking about the fantastic meat substitute that we have all grown to know and love. I am talking about those despicable lines of text that grace everyone of our email boxes, blog comment sections, mailboxes and any other information sources on a daily basis. These spammers, with no sense of human dignity, plague everything that is right in the world by completely shoving useless information, links and product pitches down the throat of uninterested readers on a daily basis. What makes you think that I need Viagra? Or that I want 463 emails telling me how great your price is? No…I didn’t know that I inherited a whole pile of money somewhere in Africa! All you need is all of my personal information and you will send it right over?! Sweet! It must be my lucky day because I also won a European lottery that I didn’t even know I entered!!!

The sad part about spam is that it probably really works on some poor sap that doesn’t realize what he is getting into. The only reason we get this incredibly useless lines of code delivered to that inbox that we hold so closely to our hearts is because of that 0.5% that actually clicks and buys something or gives away everything that they wouldn’t even give a family member (sn #, credit card #, etc) in the hope that they can quit that 9-5 they hate so much with all of this free money. So really…I am not sure what is more annoying…the spam emails or the idiots who perpetuate the madness by actually believing what they read. Honestly…I would like to see both fly off into the far reaches of space so that my email inbox and blogs can rest from the 19,188 spam comments I have had to delete this year.

Check out this latest spam comment on one of my blogs…(urls removed)

Interested in Granny boot? Right place for it! Masturbation lubricities! Url Was Here
Best reviews of the day about Lesbos, Hentai tt, Lesbos pissing and Busty cleavage.
Url Was Here
Discuss the topic Topless ] here! Raylene anal! Url Was Here

Are you kidding me?! I can’t believe we have to actually put up with this immoral waste of internet space. Now…because of this insanity…I have to apply filters to my inbox, plug-ins to my blogs and monitor everything like the CIA to make sure that I don’t get a virus or have someone think that I am actually affiliated with something like “Masturbation lubicities”.

Spammers are the scum of the Earth and from now on…they should be treated that way….

It actually annoys me that I am even writing this piece of filth…but I’ll do it anyway because it has a bigger meaning…I promise. Britney Spears needs to just go away. We have all seen her escapades, bad music and general bad taste for long enough. Britney Spears actually proves the theory that you can “take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl.” At this point, she is nothing more than a leach on society and her mere existence is categorized by the general public’s need to watch horrific train wrecks. She hasn’t put out a single song in longer than I can remember that actually has any talent or worth. If it wasn’t for her name, it wouldn’t have even been signed to a record deal.

Now…this is all information that we already know and hate, so why am I writing an article on whatannoys.me about something so obvious and in your face? The real reason that Britney Spears annoys the absolute hell out of me is because there are actual, impressionable little teenage girls (and younger) that are looking up to this piece of trash! That’s right…your daughter too! Britney Spears exemplifies the new Hollywood role model. In the age of Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and all of these other no talent nothings, America’s children are bombarded with utter crap and these drug addicted, self centered, sluts become what these small innocent girls want to be when they grow up. Now…I know this is a mass generalization and there are great yound woman out there that do not like this mess and their are other woman in the media that do not release this same vibe…but you have to admit…it is a growing trend that is getting out of control.

When does it stop? When does the general public stand up and say this isn’t right? Never…you know why? Money…this wrecks on society sell papers, advertising and everything else related to the media because the reader standing in line to buy their groceries is more interested in who they slept with that week than what is actually going on in the real world. So…Britney Spears…go back to where you came from…the rest of us that don’t want our future children to be scantly dressed whores would like it if you just went away. To all of the parents out there…man up and make sure that you don’t breed another waste on the rest of us by condoning and encouraging this kind of hero worship to someone who has nothing to look up to other than money.

If we can learn anything from the unhappy, rich like Britney Spears…its that money does not by happiness. You can be rich and happy, but you have to be happy with yourself…

You know the voice well…it’s the friendly, computerized woman on the other end of the line that is going to peacefully guide you through the never ending maze of your favorite automated phone menu system. Yes…as you listen to this friendly voice tell you to press 4 to go no where, you start to get irate at a person that doesn’t actually exist! So why do companies send you through this endless crusade to see if you can actually touch every button on your phone during a single phone call? To take away from the customer service experience…dwindling down the agents that can ACTUALLY HELP YOU to the point that they are overworked, underpaid and now…unreachable!

This ultra smart computerized menu system has no clue what you actually need. To make matters worse, many of these systems are voice activated through keywords that it can’t understand when you are…you know…out in public where there is background noise!

Computerized Beauty: “If you need need help with your claim, please say claim department.”

You: “Claim Department”

Computerized Beauty: “From your answer, you need the New Customer Sign Up Department, if this is correct…say yes…if this is incorrect…say no”

You: “No”

Computerized Beauty: “Please speak the department that you need assistance with”

You: “Claim Department”

Computerized Beauty: “You have selected Account Management. If this is correct…say yes…if this is incorrect…say no”

You: “AAAAHHHHH! Just give me the f’in claim department!!!!!”

Computerized Beauty: “We did not understand your selection. Please repeat the department in which you need assistance.”

It never fails, in corporate America’s attempt to become more efficient they completely mess up the entire system and find a way to create a more expensive, less effienct alternative! Well…I take some of that back…it is cheaper…