What I Didn't Expect While She Was Expecting

Boys Weekend

2014-07-23T14:34:00.002-04:00

This past weekend my wife decided to spend the night near her hometown with one of her childhood friends. Gulp… That means a weekend alone with the kids! As it turns out my daughters were both out of the house and my 11-year-old was with his Dad leaving Evan and I to run the house.

Saturday started, as any big “Guys Weekend” should, waiting for a new washer to be delivered! As it turns out the discharge hose was not long enough (not the first time I have heard that) so we had to go to Wal*Mart to get an extension.

After cooking a manly dinner of steak, fresh picked green beans, and potato salad we took to the links… mini-golf that is. I ran into a friend of mine that I have not seen in a long time who told Evan to, “Kick your Dad’s butt!” Evan laughed and said “ok.”

He then proceeded to get a hole in one on the very first hole of his mini golf career. Of course being the proud Dad that I am I picked him up and started acting like he just won The Masters. I began professing that he was going to be the next Tiger Woods, minus all the adultery.

His next shot almost landed in the parking lot and he never again got close to a hole in one. It was awesome though. He had a great time. I had a great time. The ice cream afterwards was great. Then came the trip to Redbox for Rango and bed time.

This is where I began to realize just how lucky I am to have an amazing wife by my side. A full day of no one to help with a kid, no matter how good the day is, is exhausting. There is no one to turn to for help with answering the 500^th question in a row. There is no one to just allow your brain to relax long enough for you to go to the bathroom in peace.

I allowed Evan to stay up until well past 10pm when he said he was ready to go to sleep. Finally some peace and quiet after a day of being asked more questions than Alex Trebek. The only problem was that there was no one in bed next to me.

I have become a huge wimp. I cannot sleep the night through without my wife next to me. There is something about feeling her body next to mine in bed that makes me relaxed. It is cliché I guess but that is what makes home feel like home to me.

So Sunday morning came and it was off the barber shop for a man’s hair cut! We stopped at the grocery store again because I forgot something (typical) and went back home for some backyard swimming! It was another long day of why this and why that until finally, Mommy’s home!

There is nothing like the relief of having your partner walk through the door and throwing your kid at them. I love my son, I love all my kids, but when my wife is away the house never runs the same. My brain grows tired, my eyes tend to cross, and my heart grows a little heavy.

All in all, boy’s day was a success. We golfed, went to the barber, watched movies, swam in the pool, and spent a lot of quality time just hanging out and farting. Seriously women that is a big thing for us guys!

Please be sure to search Facebook for What I Didn't Expect While She was Expecting, look for me on Twitter @erush520, and check out my podcast www.ericrushpodcast.com

Also, check out some great Dad related articles and much more at www.brucesallan.com, follow him on Twitter @BruceSallan and search #DadChat for great tweets and articles. Also be sure to join him every Thursday from 9-10pm (Est) for #DadChat live!

Guest Post - Kevin Barry - www.b4qblog.com

2014-07-16T08:13:00.000-04:00

Below is a guest post from Kevin Barry, a father, blogger, and lover of beer and BBQ! Check it out and be sure to follow and like him on all his social media outlets!

Hello everyone! My name is Kevin Barry. I am a married father of a two daughters. I work as a High School Teacher in Maryland and I started a new blog about a month ago with my brother and a few friends called Babies, Beer, and BBQ: A Blog for Dads. Find us at B4QBlog.com

My oldest daughter is almost three years old and has reached the age that I can start teaching her some major life lessons and passed down to me from my parents. I decided it was time for my daughter to receive her first fishing pole. Going fishing was one of my favorite pastimes from my childhood. I can vividly picture going fishing with my parents during the summer and I want to start to recreating some of those moments with my her.

When my daughter was handed her pole and tackle box you would have thought it was Christmas morning. She quickly ran to put on her shoes and declared she wanted to go outside and practice. I attached a bobber and added a little weight and we worked on casting and pretended we were reeling in a big one. If it was not time to eat dinner, she would have stayed outside for another thirty minutes.

I knew my family vacation would put us in locations that would allow for me to take her fishing. As we traveled north into Pennsylvania, I began to get excited about taking her out to the fishing pond at the campground we were going to be staying at. I would have my camera ready to snap a photo and take video of her first time reeling in a fish. Visions of my childhood flashed in my mind of all the big fishes that I had caught (many of which are much larger in size today than they were back then). I had a feeling that our first trip was going to be a success.

When it was time, we walked over to the pond and before she dropped her first line, I helped her check the bobber and we baited the hook. As this happened, I had a feeling of pure joy that I am sure many parents have when they see their children enjoying one of their favorites hobbies or activities. For a good fifteen minutes she would cast and reel in her line, resulting in just a nibble or two by a lone fish. She was excited regardless and smiling ear to ear, but then the attention span of a two year old started to waiver, and I knew it was time to go. We packed up our gear and walked to our cabin and I would be lying if I said I was not a little disappointed she did not catch a fish.

Flash forward about five days and I decided it was time go to the reservoir near her grandparents house and try fishing again. This time I wanted dig up for some fresh worms as I did as a child because in my mind this would guarantee the same success that I once had. It ended up taking me about 20 minutes or so to find two worms, but now we were set to bait the hook and she would cast her line. As we left, my wife said “you know it will have taken you longer to find the worms than she will last fishing” but I just brushed this comment off because I knew it was going to be worth it when the first fish was caught.

Without sounding repetitive the events of our first time fishing happened again. We did not catch anything other than some “rock” fishes as I called them, which snagged both worms and a hook in about eight minutes and grandpa found a crawfish that scared her half to death. The big difference this time was I was not disappointed at the lack of fish that were caught, because I knew she had fun. Every time a rock caught her line the bobber sank quickly and she screamed “LOOK THE BOBBER ITS UNDERWATER I THINK WE HAVE A FISH!!!" and during those moments I knew that I have a fishing companion for life (or at least until she is a teenager and it is not “cool” to be seen with her father).

I think we all search for experiences to share with our children that will allow us to teach them the lessons that we were taught when we were kids. When my wife and I decided to start having children, we envisioned having boys. I would teach them how to throw a baseball, the finer points of BBQ, change the oil on the car, and the list goes on. But now, I have two daughters and even though they may not be interested in all of the things I had hoped to teach them, I am just as excited with the opportunity of teaching two pony tailed little girls how to bait a hook and all of the things I would have taught two little boys.

What life lessons are you excited to your children? Leave your thoughts in the comment section below.

Please stop by my blog and give it a read: B4QBlog.com. Follow me on twitter @babiesbeerbbq and Facebook at Babies, Beer, BBQ.

Holiday with the Hillbillies

2014-07-05T21:33:00.001-04:00

Evan's hand out the car window

Living in the part of the county I do, New Jersey, the Fourth of July usually means it’s time to head south for the beach. This year however we decided to go in the opposite direction, Upstate New York! The Catskill Mountains are just what this man and his family needed.

If you have never been in the area, this part of New York is as far opposite of Manhattan as you can get. To put it into perspective I am currently sitting an hour away from the “local” Wal*Mart! The nearest town has A stop light and the grocery store is the bakery, pharmacy, beer store, and gathering center.

I was unsure what it would be like celebrating a holiday that thrives on sun, salt water, and grilling in the middle of woods, but I was pleasantly surprised, and you might be too!

First off, having a proper BBQ requires 3 things; a grill (preferably charcoal), good company (preferably family and close friends), and a place to rest your head (preferably not a sidewalk). My toes do not require sand to feel relaxed. My nose does not need to smell coconut scented sun screen for me to feel patriotic. My eyes certainly don’t need to see overweight men in undersized bathing suits to celebrate our Nations birthday.

In this world of Social Media updates we tend to be more consumed with posting grand pictures of popular places then enjoying time with those who matter most. There might not be any MTV shows filmed here or pop songs written about it but that is what makes it what it is, peaceful.

For a good portion of our drives into the towns here we had no cell service. No ability to check Twitter (@erush520), hop on Facebook, or text our friends. Guess what? We all survived. In fact, we actually spent the time talking to each other and singing! What a novel idea, engaging in meaningful dialogue with those around you.

We went to a carnival, ate greasy food, drove high into the mountains, and saw some of Mother Nature’s most amazing work. While the smell of cow manure in the air is not the same as the smell of a good boardwalk pizza parlor, it is not necessarily worse.

Turns out I didn't even miss the obnoxious beach-goers, besides I had a whole new breed of people to stare at, hillbillies.

I Got By With a Little Help From a Friend...

2014-06-29T15:45:00.000-04:00

Now that the summer is finally upon us here in the North East my wife and I made the decision to buy a pool. We have a small yard and a small child so we decided to go with one of those blue "Easy Set" pools. It is only 3 ft high and 10 ft around but that is perfect for what we need.

Our yard slants down and to the left so the word Easy in the pool description is slightly misleading. There was a hole to be dug and leveling to be done, and my 4-year-old Evan was stoked to help. My initial thought was that this would be a pain in the a$$. The thought of digging and leveling a 10 ft round circle, in 90+ degrees with a 4 year old running around chased me to the fridge for a beer.

When the time finally came to get this project going I had an instantaneous change of heart and mind. While standing over the future spot of our pool I took a look over at Evan and noticed something amazing. He was looking at me and adjusting his stance to match mine. I would put my hand on my chin and he followed suit. Hands on hips, check. Hands in the air, check. Balancing on one foot to see if this was really happening, check.

I realized that he honestly just wanted to help his Dad, to be involved in something with me, just to be around me and there was no way I was going to turn that down! I grabbed an extra tape measure, piece of wood, and shovel and let him go to town. As I measured he measured. When I took a drink, of water not beer, so did he. If I wiped sweat from my brow so did he.

When the ground was finally ready and the pool was filling I could see a sense of pride in his eyes. He set the pool up. In reality he measured an unused piece of wood and barely put a hole in the ground; but in his eyes without his hard work that pool would not have water in it. And in this Dad's eyes, it never would have happened without my construction buddy

It made me sad as I began wondering how many times I had impatiently swatted he or his siblings away in a similar situation. How often do we as parents look at these moments for what they truly are, bonding time? Too often we are so on the go that all we are concerned with is the finish line and not the journey to get there.

Sure this extra set of hands may have added thirty minutes to the total time to get the pool ready but in the end, who cares? What else was I going to do with that thirty minutes? Sit on the couch and watch a TV show? I am sure nothing as productive as creating a life long memory for two people.

Since the advent of VPN's and smart phones we are not only slaves to work, but now status updates, check-ins, and photo sharing as well. What will these people who we barely know anymore post about their day? What are they doing with their kids?

The real question that should be asked is what am I doing with my kids? What have I missed that has been going on just over the top of my cell phone?

Please be sure to search Facebook for What I Didn't Expect While She was Expecting, look for me on Twitter @erush520, and check out my podcast www.ericrushpodcast.com

Father / Son / Father time

2014-06-24T14:07:00.002-04:00

How often do we get to sit and enjoy father/son time as both a father and a son? I got to experience this over the weekend and I am telling you, it is good for the soul.

This past Saturday was Evan’s fourth birthday and when I tell you he was bouncing off the walls, I may be underselling it a bit. My wife and I decorated the dining room Friday night so he would be surprised when he woke up the next morning. There were Batman pictures, Batman tablecloths, one of his gifts (the Bat Cave), and even a Batman birthday boy button strewn throughout the room.

When he woke up he came running down the hall and burst into our room. “Happy Birthday!!” we both half yelled and half sang to him. He jumped onto our bed and got birthday hugs and kisses from both of his groggy parents before running back out to go pee-pee and brush his teeth.

When he made his way down the stairs and into the dining room his eyes lit up. He wanted the button on immediately and then tore open the present. Before the wrapping paper was off he knew what it was and proclaimed that, “This is the best thing ever! Thank you so much!”

Shawna had to go into work for a few hours and no one else was home which gave me the opportunity to spend a couple of hours one on one with the birthday boy. We played Batman and Robin, rode scooters, watched a movie (Scooby Doo Meets WWE!), drank soda, and rough housed like we are not supposed to when Mommy is around.

By the time his guests had arrived he was all jacked up on soda, snacks, and the thought of more presents. More Batman toys, more cake, and more noise left me longing for a few quiet minutes. I snuck out back with my Dad to take a peek at my vegetable garden, light a cigar and drink a beer.

My father is neither a beer drinker nor a cigar smoker but on this occasion he did both. In fact, this was the first time we had a beer and a cigar together, ever. It may have only been 15 minutes or so before our location was compromised but that was a great 15 minutes.

I wrote in an earlier post that we need to learn to take time to be our parents' children and that is exactly what it felt like. Sitting there, sharing a cigar and drinking a beer on the back patio at my house made me feel like a kid again. Not that my Dad gave me booze and smokes when I was a kid or anything. It’s just that there is something about sitting with one of your parents that is comforting, relaxing, and memory inducing.

Eventually everyone made their way back home and it was back to just Evan, Shawna, and I. We went upstairs to get the little man into his jammers and suddenly I felt the need to talk to him one on one again. Evan and I laid on the bed belly to belly. We were face to face and I told him I was proud of him and that I loved him. I gave him a hug and a kiss. He made a fart sound in my face and rolled off.

I could not help but feel emotionally full. I had an opportunity to spend time one on one as a father and as a son with the two most important male figures in my life. The man who helped to mold me into who I am today: and the boy who I am molding into a man for tomorrow.

Please be sure to search Facebook for What I Didn't Expect While She was Expecting, look for me on Twitter @erush520, and check out my podcast www.ericrushpodcast.com

Marital aides and their hiding spots

2014-06-18T10:27:00.002-04:00

You read that subject right. Come on, we are all adults here. Everyone has marital aides of some kind. Movies, magazines, things that go buzz in the night. No shame in that but where the hell do you hide them when they are not in use?

About five years ago my wife and I had gone out to the grocery store and left our then 6 year old son Jason in the hands of our 13 year old daughter Justine. This was nothing new, we had done this before. We were probably running to the grocery store or some other quick little errand.

As we were pulling back up to the apartment we could see Jay standing in the doorway with something in his hand. "What the hell is that?" I asked Shawna. Her face was priceless. Embarrassment, shock, fear, disgust, and laughter all mixed into one amazing reaction. "Oh my God Eric! He has a dildo in his hand!" She yelled. cried, and laughed to me.

"Holy S**t you are right!" I laughed.

There he was shaking around a fake purple penis while standing at the sliding glass doors in the front of our apartment. Before the car had stopped and was in park Shawna jumped out of her seat and ran in to grab it from him.

When she got to him he asked if it was a sword and if she wanted to play with him. Mortified she took it from his hands and threw it into the bedroom. It is not exactly like it was kept on the floor or anything. It was in our bedroom, in our closet, inside a jewelry box.

The second time we had an instance similar to this happen it was free of any kids, but not of co-workers. We were moving out of the apartment we were in and into a house. The aides were all placed in a plastic chest of drawers type storage unit that we used to store extra things in from our bedroom. "Do not let any of your friends move this, it has the toys in it," my wife snarled at me. "No problem babe, I got this!" I shouted back.

I picked up said drawer unit and placed it in the back seat of my co-workers truck. There were four of us crammed into that truck for this particular trip. Bzzzzzzz!!!! Bzzzzzzz!!!! Bzzzzzzz!!! We all looked at each other as if to say, "Dude, your phone is ringing. Answer it!" Quickly I realized that there was no phone call, text message, or Facebook update causing this buzzing.

"Hey man, what do you have in there a bomb?!?!" one of my friends joked.

"Or a vibrator," laughed another.

When I didn't laugh they immediately realized the latter was correct and burst into laughter. When we got to the new house to unload the "drawers of fun" as they had quickly been named, my wife was waiting there.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"Here take this," I replied and handed her the vibrating drawers.

It took her a few seconds to realize what was in there. When she did, her face turned fire engine red, started laughing, and sped off into the house. Luckily for us she has a great sense of humor and an incredibly small amount of shame so this just became a running joke between us all.

So where exactly is the best spot to hide your "unmentionables"? I can tell you a few places that aren't! Between the mattress and boxed spring? Too obvious Dad! In the underwear drawer? Found those magazines Pop-Pop! In a locked suitcase in the basement under an old desk? Valiant effort Mr. Davis, but not good enough!

Our current spot seems to be a winner to this point. Except of course for the time we fell asleep with it behind a pillow and forgot to put it back. This particular device is not in the shape of anything recognizable to a 10 year old so when he laid down in our bed to watch a movie the next day he was none the wiser. I couldn't help but laugh when I walked in and saw him laying there with this toy poking out from behind a pillow about eight-teen inches from his head.

I slyly walked over, grabbed the toy, and threw it into the closet. No harm no foul. We started wondering if this type of thing only ever happened to us. Has anyone had these types of mishaps? Did you ever accidentally or purposely find something of your parents? Please be sure to comment and let us know!

Please be sure to search Facebook for What I Didn't Expect While She was Expecting, look for me on Twitter @erush520, and check out my podcast www.ericrushpodcast.com

We were all knuckleheads when we were kids too.

2014-06-12T07:59:00.004-04:00

I remember the exact moment that I realized I was quite the knucklehead when I was a kid. My wife and I were sitting with my parents and telling them what shenanigans Evan had been up to and they’d smile, laugh and say, “Not only does he look like you, but he acts just like you too.”

They told stories of my fights with my sister, broken knickknacks, and annoyingly long car rides chock full of questions. My wife and I shook our heads having realized that we are basically raising me. It is almost like Doc Brown pulled up in his Delorean, took us back to 1982, and is making us deal with all the nonsense I put my parents through.

There is one such story of my being a boob that stands out quite clearly. My parents had taken us to the local agricultural fair for a day of rides, games, and demolition derby. For my eight-year-old self I could not have planned a better day. There was nothing like an end of summer carnival to kick my obnoxiousness into full gear.

After a day of whining about wanting to go on more rides, play more games, and a strong inability to patiently wait for the derby to start it was finally time for dinner. For dinner I wanted snacks, ice cream, funnel cake, and anything else full of sugar I could find. Obviously my parents had other food options in mind.

Because of this disagreement I had made the declaration that I was not hungry and would not be eating. In my head I figured this would speed the night along and get me back onto the rides and into the games. While standing in line my parents had asked multiple times if I wanted anything. I staunchly replied, “Nope,” every time.

By the time we got to the front of the line I had probably been asked five to six times. My Dad ordered a pork roll sandwich, “Hmm… Pork roll sure does smell good,” I thought to myself. This was the beginning of the end for that sandwich, and our night at the carnival.

The millisecond my Dad took a bite I hit him with, “Dad that looks good. Can I have it?” The first time I asked this question it was like lighting the fuse on a stick of dynamite. Each time I asked, the fuse got smaller. By the third or fourth time the dynamite stick exploded!

“*$&(&(@#^*&,” came spewing out of his mouth. The words that he yelled were muffled by pork roll and extreme disgust. His only other response was to throw said sandwich into the dirt and walk away. While this was probably not the best course of action, I now completely understand why this happened.

A few years back I ran into a similar incident with my son Jason, but on a smaller scale. We were home and I had decided to make myself lunch. It was going to be an epic lunch indeed, complete with a giant sandwich, pasta salad, and a nice tall glass of iced tea. “Jay,” I yelled, “do you want anything to eat?” “No,” he replied.

During the process of making this amazing lunch I had asked him several times if he wanted anything. He never wavered from his original “No,” answer. After 30 minutes or so of lunch prep I was ready to sit down and enjoy my masterpiece.

“Wow,” he said, “that sandwich looks really good!”

I told him that I would make him one when I was done but that did not suit him. He began screaming, crying, and throwing an all-out fit over the lunch I had offered him many times. At some point during this nonsense I stood up, pushed the plate towards him, yelled some gibberish and walked out of the room.

After I had cooled down a bit I picked up the phone and called my Dad. “Dad,” I said, “I completely get it.” “Get what?” he asked. My answer was simple yet poignant. “Everything you ever did or said while I was growing up. I was a stunod many times and I am sorry.”

He had a response that any vindicated father would have after finally hearing these words. He laughed, not just a little giggle, but a full on belly laugh.

In times of stress, we as parents often find ourselves echoing the same words we loathed to hear. Is it possible that we did the same knucklehead things as kids? Could it be that the apple has not fallen far from the tree? Why is that damn tree so short?

Please be sure to search Facebook for What I Didn't Expect While She was Expecting and look for me on Twitter @erush520

Daughter's Senior Prom

2014-06-07T21:49:00.000-04:00

Tonight was not what I was expecting. Had this happened prior to today and I had subconsciously denied myself from noticing it? Had my two little girls grown into beautiful women suddenly over night? That had to be it right?

There is no possible way that over the last school year these two girls went from the pig tailed, glasses wearing, arm and eye brow shaving little girls from the past into these girls I saw tonight... Right?

Tonight was the senior prom for the Phillipsburg High School class of 2014, and my two little girls were there. All day they had been prepping. Hair, makeup, and nails were being done. It felt like I was watching them get ready for their first day of high school. Only that happened almost 4 years ago.

I knew this was coming. I have been there for license tests, college applications, and scholarship forms. For Christ sakes their cap and gown pictures have been on my cubicle wall for almost 9 months now. So why are there tears hitting my keyboard along with my fingers?

These are not sorrowful tears. Not in the least bit. They are tears of accomplishment. Tears of pride. Tears of joy. Who am I kidding, they are tears of relief too!

I accomplished the almost unheard of by molding these two children into women at such a young age. Pride in who they have become. Joy in seeing them laughing and enjoying their final high school dance. Relief that they both had a better high school experience than I did.

Having a child in your freshman year of high school presents many problems. One of them comes years later, when you realize just how much you missed out on during those years. I went to my senior prom, however there was no large group of friends with me.

Working two jobs and raising a child makes extra-curricular activities less important and attainable. School friends are just that, friends in school. There are no weekend parties and road trips are minimal. So when proms come along there are no limo rides full of people to be had.

Knowing that my girls did not have anything that interfered with their ability to be kids has made me proudest of all. Living vicariously through them these last four years has helped soothe a troubled soul.

Personally, I would like to think they learned a thing or two from me along the way. How to parallel park a car, study for a big test, work hard to get what they want. But most importantly, I hope they learned that I am proud of them and that I love them.

I realize this isn't the end. Next Thursday is their graduation ceremony and I am certain there will be more tears shed, more memories made and looked back on. But for now, this proud father is anxiously awaiting the stories that will be told about their senior prom and desperately clinging to these last few days of their high school careers.

Participation Awards Create Murderers

2014-06-06T12:07:00.000-04:00

Unless you are one of those people who live off the grid you have no doubt noticed a recent uptick in the number of young murderers lately. School shootings, movie theater rampages, mall attacks, elevator stabbings, and countless other horrific headlines flood our 24 hour news media.

I am 32 years old so it is not like I say “back in my day” that often but, back in my day this was almost unheard of. In fact, until the Columbine shooting I don’t remember ever hearing of something like this. From time to time there was an accidental shooting (think Beverly Hills 90210) or an attempted WWF move that went horribly wrong but never a shooting spree.

From where I am standing this increase, in part, can be attributed to an overabundance of participation awards. Today everyone gets an award for everything and no one gets told they need to work a little harder anymore. Let’s use Little League sports as an example. When I was growing up there were two to three “levels” for each team, (e.g. PAL A, B & C.). There was a tryout period that lasted about a week and you were then split up based on your talent level.

During the year there were no mandates by the league stating that everyone had to have a turn to bat every inning. We had winners and losers, first and last place, and All-Star games for those who earned it. Trophies were given out to the first, second, and third place teams and only the best players got MVP awards.

Guess what? We all survived. We all knew our weaknesses. We all learned how to take constructive criticism and use it to strive to better ourselves. Do you think there would there be stories of athletes staying in gyms after the lights were shut off if they were told everyone was equally talented?

In t-ball now everyone bats, everyone gets a single and everyone scores. Every DAMN inning! I went to watch my nephew play and noticed that even if the throw beat the runner to first they were still safe. “What the hell is that?” I asked one of the coaches. “We are trying to teach the kids the fundamentals,” he replied. “Isn’t getting out a fundamental?” And the coach replied, “By fundamentals I meant having fun and teamwork. It isn’t about winning or losing.”

What is more fundamental in life than winning and losing? You either get the job or you don’t. You either get accepted into Harvard or you go to community college. There is no shame in either and nothing but positives to be taken from them. Work harder at your job or harder in school and when the opportunity arises again you will have set yourself apart.

We have created a society that cares more about preventing our kids from feeling bad than it does about helping them realize where they need to focus their energy. These kids that end up shooting up a school or a movie theater almost always have a back story of rejection. Whether it is rejection from the opposite sex, society, or the popular group at school adolescents have been plagued by this forever, yet these stories didn’t always exist.

My last blog post was something I was really proud of. Almost all of those who read it had nice things to say about it. I sent it to a friend of mine who happens to be writer and former editor. He found so many things to improve upon he set up a phone call to go over them with me.

After we hung up I was down about it for a little bit. As the day went on I realized what he said was true: it wasn’t good enough. I took what he had told me, rewrote the parts we discussed and resubmitted it. I didn’t take the first plane out to LA and hunt him down. I didn’t go on a rampage and shoot people. Why? Because I didn’t get participation awards.

How hard would you have studied for Algebra If you knew you were going to get a passing grade regardless?

Please be sure to leave a comment, pro or con..

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Being a parent and a son...

2014-06-03T09:23:00.000-04:00

I wanted to take brief respite from the somewhat poor attempt at humor that these posts are generally filled with and take time to discuss something that as parents we may not necessarily think about that often, we are children as well. The first half of this calendar year I have seen people I grew up with, friends of mine from back in the day, lose a parent, two in the past 7 days and my heart breaks for them. None of these friends of mine and I communicate on a daily basis anymore, not because of any arguments or things of that nature, just life. Life has a tendency of taking your plans and your daily routines and shaking them up from time to time. Growing up with the Smiths and Taylors when they moved away there was no Facebook, Instagram, email or cell phones to keep in touch with. As kids we were never in the house to use them anyway, we were out making new friends to fill a void that was left by the old ones who had moved on in their new town or neighborhood as well.

Growing up my father worked long hours and is not really into sports that much so having a friend whose father was around to bring his blue bag of hard balls and drill line drives or shag pop ups with was golden. Not to mention these kids had every new video game system when it came out so on a rainy day, playing frogger or pitfall or sonic the hedgehog was a God send. Also, as we got a little older, I was introduced to my first large scale playboy collection : ). My formative years were spent playing with these kids and around the man who I am referencing and to those who know who I am talking about I am truly sorry for your loss. I can't pretend to be as close to you guys now as I was then but to say I have forgotten the summers spent playing on a highway that at the time was being built or swimming in a river, or playing fumble rumbles in a third floor finished attic would be a lie.

I recently connected with an old friend from my teenage years, a man that I worked long night shifts at a fast food chain with in the dead of summer, 110 degrees flipping burgers, making 18 inch tall ice cream cones for jerks that complained the first one was too small and collecting an absurd amount of beanie babies with, that is another story for another time. Again, we were not the closest of friends but I can say that when he was working, the shift was better, the shift was lighter, you knew there would be fun and shenanigans going on and you knew his Mom would be around at some point. While he was older than me he didn't drive, his mother drove him every day, to and from work. In a car that he clearly was allowed to put his stamp on. I am pretty sure his mom did not want the latest stereo or the biggest speakers or the loudest bass but he did and that was enough for her. She was an adopted mother to him on paper, but his real mother in heart. She was quick with her wit and on more than one occasion would shoot a look at her son that made me stand at attention. She has moved on to a more peaceful place having battled two types of cancer and she will be missed greatly by those that knew her well, as well as those that just knew her a little...

My father was a hard worker and my mother was a stay at home Mom, money was tight growing up but we really didn't notice it on a day to day basis. We were kids, we had toys, we had food and we went places. Life was good, times were simple compared to now. But what I did know, was that my mom's friend had a much bigger house than us and she was super cool. She will be remembered for many things, her hatred of Christmas having been born on Christmas Eve and her love of all things Precious Moments.... oh and the fact that she will always be the one person who fed me a dog treat (hopefully the only person that is). This story is rooted in my desire to be a giant pain in the ass. My mom took me over to her best friends house to play with her kids and hang out and I remember seeing these snacks on the counter that we never had. "These must be what people in big houses snack on," I had convinced myself. So of course I was eyeballing them all day. Finally she told me to go ahead and take one of the snacks and blah blah something something. I had totally tuned her out after I heard go ahead and take one, turns out the rest of the sentence was, "and give them to the dog". I ate it. Big bite down in what eventually would be explained to me was a dog biscuit lol. She was my Mom's confidant, her best friend, her defacto sister if you will.

Again, life changes your surroundings on you sometimes and people move, change school districts and life takes you away. While I will never try to pass off her children as my best friends growing up, we were however connected. Since the advent of social media we have connected several times, talked shop, talked family, talked kids, and unfortunately talked loss. My mothers friend battled long and hard against cancer and ultimately lost the fight in the beginning of this year. She, along with her children, had all found their way to the Carolinas and I had not seen them for quite some time. A memorial was held here, in NJ, and her kids and their kids were there. I was able to talk to them, connect, meet their children and share that dog treat story again. It was an honor to know this woman and her family, she is known to my kids as Aunt and always will be.

So why so much talk of sorrow on this post? I was thinking about this last night as I thought about all of these parents and how these children (even though they are in their 30's now) must be feeling and it brought on the realization that sometimes we need to really stop and take stock in who we are to everyone around us. We get so caught up in being a parent, a sibling, an employee, a co-worker, a friend that we forget the one thing we were literally born to be, a son or daughter. We sit and worry over and cry for our children, wishing we could help them, wishing we could carry them over the troubled times or at least hold them up as they traverse life that we forget that our parents are thinking the same thing about us. It's hard to be a parent and a child, everyone does it at some point but it is difficult. All the things we lose sleep over because of our kids we did, or are currently doing, to our parents. While they may not be able to physically do the same things or have the desire to do them they still wiped our butts, tears, and blood when we needed them to.

Mortality is not an easy topic to deal with, it is not fun, it is not uplifting, it is nothing but certain. I feel for these people, these friends, these acquaintances. I cannot imagine what it feels like to be missing someone who was there for EVERYTHING from the moment you took your first breath. I guess maybe what I am saying is that it is important to remember to hug your parents a little tighter from time to time, make time to talk to them, ensure them that your life is good, things are moving in the right direction, and you have not forgotten all the good they have done because one day you might not be able to.

Sexy time... Oh shit! There is a kid in the room

2014-06-01T21:27:00.000-04:00

Growing up as a child I can't imagine there is anything worse than walking into your parent's bedroom and coming face to ass with them on their bed. While this never happened to me personally I know it happened to my sister and my wife and a few other scarred women I have talked to about this. I think the reason is inherent to the nature of males and females. Women are, by nature, friggin nosey and as kids I have seen they are far less cautious when coming to their parent's fortress of solitude, while boys are born with knowing that "if this bed room is rocking don't come a knocking"!
I think that from the time I was old enough to know that my parents "did it" the fear of seeing any back sack or side boob when I opened the door kept me far away from their room, especially if the door was closed. I have talked about this with one of my friends at work who has kids and he told me his sister walked in on his parents but he and his brother knew that if they heard an owl statue slide across the floor to block the door then there was no way they were entering their bedroom, or even a 15 foot radius for that matter.
With that being said, our bedroom door is usually left cracked open as we are at one end of the hall and Evan is at the other so we need to be able to hear. But when the mood hits the first thing that happens is the door gets closed. I am thinking that the kids are smart enough to realize that when the door is closed the risk is no where worth whatever answer they are seeking because we have yet to be caught in the act.
I did however get caught asking today. Our boys spent the night with my sister in-law (See Tina, I remembered this time!) Tami is with her mother, and Justine is rarely home these days so we had the house to ourselves... or so I thought. Shawna was sitting on the couch when I walked into the living room from the kitchen and the second the first half of a sentence that started with, "Let's go upstairs...." left my mouth I noticed Justine standing behind the wall in my blind spot!
I immediately tried to cover it by adding, "because I am so friggin tired I need to take a nap," but I am pretty sure the damage was already done. Now this is nothing like walking into a room mid act but I can't imagine that was pleasant for her at all.
I guess the moral of this story is that once you have kids your bedroom antics are never totally safe, unless your bedroom for the night is in a hotel, or ALL of your kids are sleeping at another house far, far away from yours.

High school graduations are not for the faint of heart

2014-05-28T15:06:00.000-04:00

Hey there everyone! I am going to take a different approach to this post and move away from the antics of my youngest and move on to the antics of my two oldest. For those who don't know, I have two daughters that will be graduating High School in a little over two weeks, Justine is 18 and Tami is 17. They couldn't have taken any more different paths through their senior year to get to this point either.

Justine took a more laid back approach to scheduling to sort of "coast" through this year and be able to enjoy and soak up the last few months of her high school career with classes like, Everyday cooking, Just Desserts, consumer math, study hall, study hall, study hall, forensics, marine biology. While I admit the last two are not necessarily classes you can sleep through, they are classes that she is extremely interested in rather than being forced into. This kid watches Law & Order type shows every day and is going to be getting her Bacehlor's in Marine Biology so these classes definitely peaked her interest more than say, Algebra 2 would have and her grades proved it. She has had the ability to take the foot off of the gas the last few weeks and coast to the finish line, with stops at senior skip day and a day at the beach with many of her classmates.

Tami on the other hand made a decision at some point to make this the most stressful few months (until very recently) I have dealt with in a long time. Tami's schedule looked like this, Algebra 2, Economics & Financial literacy, Introduction to Business, English, and a couple of gimme classes like pottery and guitar. Now I am not saying she had an all AP level schedule but for her she was about as booked as she could be. Couple that with a bunch of visits to the nurse and trying to stay home from not feeling well (will get to that another post) and her lack of handing things in on time / at all in English she was placed on the "Danger" list for seniors. This is basically a list of students in their Senior year that are in danger of not graduating for either academic or attendance issues.

"What the fuck!!!!" I yelled in my head (Is that possible? I feel like I "yell" inside my head a lot to keep from yelling out of my mouth). "How the hell is this possible???" Turns out she had been doing the assignments and not handing them in on time or at all and missing class for various reasons (nurse, counselor, bathroom?!?!?!?), along with a dip in her grade. I think that she really took this senioritis thing a bit too far and began slamming (not pumping) the breaks in the middle of the 2nd marking period.

Needless to say this had lead to numerous phone calls with the counselors and emails back and forth with the teacher and grade checking for a few weeks but it finally seems like she has kicked it back into overdrive. As long as the grades stay where they are and she does not miss another class all will work out fine in the end. So at least all the stress is gone now.... right?.... WRONG!

Now we have PROM dresses to buy, a graduation party to plan and pay for (Did you know that One, Uno, Un, Single, Individual Port-a-Potty can cost up to $300 F$$$$$G!?!?!?) Thankfully a ~~good~~ GREAT family friend knows someone who can get one for $85 but still, HOLY CRAP! Food for 100 people, chairs, a tent, music, plates, cups, plasticware, food, food, food and more food, decorations, gifts (for the girls). Then there is the party prep at my in-laws - cutting down trees and helping prep the yard, figuring out how we are getting everything up there and back, where the tables are coming from, the chairs, where are we going to sleep, do we get this or that, do we bring enough for all the invites even though they didn't RSVP? (apparently that answer is YES). AAAAAAHHHHHHHH (my head is spinning!!!!)

In all honesty it got so overwhelming I started to feel a little sick, I even had a day where my brain was so screwy I started dropping things (eggs at home, drinks at shop rite). It's non-sense! I honestly can't wait for the party to be over so I can drink to my success at helping to raise two beautiful and intelligent women. After all, while the graduation is your child's success first, it is part yours as well. You play a huge role in this. Don't forget, it was you who sat and helped them learn to read, write, do math problems, tie their shoe, pack their lunch, it was you who took them to their dances and early morning field trips. You organized the birthday parties and drove them everywhere they needed to go.

It is going to be an emotional few days, they graduate on a Thursday night and their party is the following Saturday but it is going to be oh so sweet. I can't sit here and say I will be 100% glad their school careers are over (k12 that is), I will still miss the days of being involved with everything, as much as we were able to be anyway. I just think back to their little faces before school started, back to the excitement for middle school and sheer terror before High School. The sense of accomplishment in the band recitals, sporting events and dance competitions. My heart is melting now as I type this. I can see these things like they were yesterday.

Check out my website - www.ericrushpodcast.com

Car rides with an inquisitive toddler...

2014-05-26T08:20:00.000-04:00

Hey there everyone! It is great to be back blogging about my adventures through everyday life as a husband, father, son, brother and IT guy. I haven't logged into this blog site in awhile and it was refreshing to see that this page has had over 5,000 views! Guess it is time to do some updating again! Please take a look at the links on the right - they are two pod casts that I just started. The first (DaddyOpinion) will be all topics in relation to being parents, fathers especially, that I will be doing weekly with a friend of mine. The second one (Eric Rush Podcast) is going to be just me, maybe five or ten minutes, on any topic that comes up that I feel like getting off my chest. I hope you enjoy the blog posts and pod casts as much as I enjoy doing them. With all of that being said, here is my first blog on this site in almost 4 years!

Evan is going to be 4 in less than a month and the kid is a sponge, he absorbs everything you tell him and can regurgitate it at any point. The only "problem" with this is that in order for him to absorb this amount of information he has to ask a TON of questions. Taking a car ride at this point is an eye crossing, mind numbing adventure of questions. "What is that building?" "Who is that guy?" "Where is that girl going?" "Why is that house blue?" "Why is that house red?" "Where are we going?" "When will we be there?" "Do they have ice cream there?" "Why is blah blah blah blah?"

This is the point where my eyes cross and my brain goes into overload. I slowly start turning the volume up on the stereo as to drown out the never ending barrage of questions. Now I realize that at some point this is going to pay off for him. Being so naturally inquisitive and having the ability to retain the answers will be a great skill to have as he gets older. He will be smart, well read, and full of useful (and useless) information. But damn it this really friggin annoying right now.

This started in the grocery store a few years ago. I remember taking him with us and down every aisle, at every item he would point and ask what it was, who ate it, what it tasted like and why we are (or are not) buying it. It was funny because at the time he didn't speak great so it was cute to hear him try to pronounce things like gorgonzolla cheese or pumpernickel bread, but now he speaks fine so it is kind of like sitting in the car with someone who is on their way for a surgery, they are so nervous they don't stop talking and eventually you just freak out internally.

I also realize that this is some cruel twist of fate, also known as a curse, that my parents placed on me when I was younger. "One day you are going to have a son just like you and then you will realize what it is like to be like us." Oh man, this is happening now, all of my childhood traits are being brought to me full circle. It is crazy to think that not only can someone look just like you (honestly our baby pictures have gotten confused before) and act just like too. Genetics are crazy... and really fucking annoying sometimes too.

Rolling over, eating cereal and fruit and everything else

2010-10-26T14:33:00.000-04:00

Guess who's back? Hello everyone! I hope that you are all still out there and that everything has been going good for you. Evan is now 4 months old! Time has been flying by, it seems like yesterday I was sitting in the hopsital typing the story of the labor and delivery and being so amazingly nervous about how things were going to be. Fast forward through countless poopie diapers, un-godly amounts of spit up stains and even more smiles and we are at today. Evan's personality is developing the way I expected it to. He gets pissed off and yells when he tries to do something he can't (like get a toy into his mouth right) and will laugh at anything remotely funny or amusing. He loves LOVES loves Sesame Street, especially Cookie Monster, and has recently found the horror that is Yo Gabba Gabba. He is over 13 pounds, eats cereal and fruit - Which by the way, does anyone know if Gerber makes anything other than apples, pears and bananas? Anyway, our lives are full of bottles, diapers, bills and moments we never thought we would be sharing together.
Our new house is great and the other three kids have adjusted seemlessly to having a baby in the house. The girls help when needed (except for diaper changes that is) and Jay wants to be involved in everything.

Life is good here in the Rush household. I really shouldn't complain as much as I do about things. Money is tighter but that was to be expected. Alone time with my wife is limited, but that's not a shocker either. But I keep reminding myself that all of the little things that have changed are definitely worth going through, especially when I get to look at my son everyday.

It's been quite awhile, but with good reason I swear!

2010-08-13T11:10:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone! Sorry it's been so long since my last update but like normal, things are banana's here in the Rush household. Over the last few weeks there have been quite a few family issues that we have been tending to as well as some episodes with Evan that those of you who follow our facebook page have been aware of.
A week ago today we had our first big scare with Evan, he vomitted his entire bottle, his mouth and nose were full of formula. He was left gasping for air and screaming in fear which as a parent is the worst feeling in the world. We were shaken up but assumed it was just from a gas bubble or upset belly or something along those lines. Tuesday morning came and the same thing happened which got us looking into pyloric stenosis due to some family history on her side. We called our Dr. and went in for a check up and he said it did not appear as though that was the case seeing as how he was gaining weight (10lbs 8oz) and it had only happened twice but we were to keep an eye on him and if it happened again to take him to the ER and get an ultrasound done.
Which brings me to yesterday. I was at work when I got a voice mail from my frantic wife saying it happened again and she was taking him to the ER. I rushed home, got in the car and drove up to the hospital where he was born. It is a strange feeling making the same drive we took when she was still pregnant. I have not been in that area since he was born so it was a bit surreal to make the drive again. Anyway, we were in the ER for the afternoon with our little man for an ultrasound and check up to ensure his tummy was working the way it is supposed to, which it is. We were essentially told to cut back a little on the amount of formula and keep him sitting up for about 20 to 30 minutes after each feeding before allowing him to lay down.
I had forgotten what parenting a newborn was like, what it was all about. It is hard, it is exhausting, it is draining, it is expensive and it is 100% worth it when you are dead tired and you look down and your baby is smiling with a face full of formula. Things have been tough lately. My wife and I are navigating the waters of a relationship that has changed, my sister has been dealing with some problems at home and sometimes I feel like my parents turn to me the way I turned to them when I was younger, but as my parents only son and being only 3 years younger than my sister this tends to happen I suppose. Along with the burdens of supporting my 6 person household and getting ready for a move that is happening in the next 2 weeks I have taken on the added stress and pressure of ensuring the rest of my family is doing ok as well. This is something that takes some time to get used to with the addition of a new baby. My days go from Evan's first feeding around 5:30 or 6:00am (which I do because I am up for work anyway) until 11 or sometimes 12 at night depending.
For those who are parents you know where I am coming from and for those who are expecting take my advice on this one thing if nothing else, SLEEP NOW! Trust me, even if your baby sleeps through the night like Evan does (usually 10 - 5:30 or 6) you won't.

Please don't forget to order my book from Amazon.com - http://www.amazon.com/What-Didnt-Expect-While-Expecting/dp/1453698175/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1281712135&sr=1-1

Where did we go?

2010-07-28T11:52:00.001-04:00

In the last few days it has become apparent that we have lost Eric and Shawna, we have lost Mr. and Mrs. Rush and have become solely Mommy and Daddy. Mommy is home with Evan all day and looks forward to me coming home from work for some much needed grown up talk and time together but at the same time I am walking through the door and grabbing Evan from wherever he is and holding him, talking to him and carrying him around with me everywhere I go until he falls asleep for the night. Generally when that happens it is our bed time as well and without watching TV we lie down and go to sleep and repeat the process all over again in the morning.

Without realizing it we have separated ourselves from each other and the things we did together that made us who we were. I have a feeling that we are not the only couple that this has happened to and I am sure we won’t be the last. We have quite a few things on our plate these days with the addition of Evan, the move coming up, Mommy will now be working, and the rest of the kids will be heading off to school again. All of these things have replaced the weekly flowers, the back rubs and the things that are better left out of this post that every couple needs to feel like they are more than robots.

Lost in the conversations and warnings of sleepless nights, shitty diapers and financial strains are the conversations about how hard it is to remain the couple you were. The TV shows that follow celebrities around with their families are an inaccurate and unfair portrayal of what the normal life of a family with a newborn actually is. We can’t turn to our live in Nanny and tell her we are going on a weekend getaway. There is no space in our home for the grandparents to stay and keep an eye on our four kids for the weekend and the bank account is not big enough that the new house and baby to have not impacted our ability to order takeout and a movie as often as we used to.

Having had 14 years in between kids for me and 7 years for her I think that part of the transition had been forgotten. Having a new born around, even when they are sleeping or just awake and happy, has the possibility of taking up every minute of your time at home if you are not careful.

What the hell were we thinking?

2010-07-26T21:51:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone, I know it's been awhile but things here have been crazy! Suprise suprise right? We have four kids ranging from 14 to 5 weeks so it's shocking I haven't had time right? Anyway, since I last wrote a few things have happened here in Crazy Land and the first of which is we found a house! Finally everyone will have their own space and best of all, it's three floors and the teenage girls from hell have the top floor, which requires opening two doors to get to. Please don't think I dislike my kids I just am a big fan of Louis C.K. (if you don't know him search Youtube) and his bluntness about his kids is something I think is funny as hell. Anyway, so we are moving into the house on September 1st and any and all volunteers in the area are welcome and will be rewarded with a BBQ the weekend after we move in.
Event #2 was Evan's Dr. appointment this morning - he is 5 weeks old, weighs 10lbs and is 22 and 1/4 inches long. According to the Dr. he is "Perfect". Next time we go he will be getting two shots, one in each leg and Mommy was already weak in the knees at the thought so it should be interesting. I won't lie, I hate... no no no, I loathe needles so I am sure this won't be easy for me either.
Finally, after we went to the Dr. we needed to run some errands so we decided it would be a good idea to pick up all the kids and bring them with us. Which leads me to the title of this post "What the hell were we thinking?!?" We have four kids which can be a bit overwhelming. I realize there are some of you out there with more kids or more younger kids but this was our first official trip out of the house, to somewhere other than a relatives house with the 4 of us. We got inside Target and it was like they were shot out of a canon, or so it seemed. I guess in reality they were well behaved but we were greatly out numbered. At this point there are now two kids to every one adult in our family and it is starting to scare the crap out of me. In fact, if not for the fact that in the next 4 to 5 weeks we are going to be packing up and moving all of us into a new house I would probably be breathing into a brown paper bag.

Teen Role Models

2010-07-22T14:02:00.002-04:00

I am not a huge believer in having celebrities as role models for our children, especially professional athletes but I did find something a little troublesome today on my way into work. Being responsible for the well being of four children, two of them entering high school, puts things into a different perspective than for someone who has no children, or has children too young to be influenced by celebs. So anyway, I was driving into work listening to some morning sports talk radio and they mentioned a poll that was done about month ago “Name your favorite male athlete”. The list included Peyton Manning, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Lebron James and some others that really didn’t make too much of an impact on me but then the mentioned who #1 and #2 were and it took me by surprise and then made me think about what kind of people we as fans are idolizing and introducing our children to.

There was a tie for first between Tiger Woods and Kobe Bryant, second place belonged to Derek Jeter. For those who have short memories, don’t follow sports or live under a rock Kobe Bryant was accused of raping a woman a few years ago in Denver and to prove his innocence he bought his wife a $4 million diamond ring and Tiger Woods has slept with so many women not named Mrs. Tiger Woods he can’t even afford to keep them quiet. Derek Jeter on the other hand is engaged, has never been married, never been involved in a sex scandal, never had to make a public apology for anything other than not winning the World Series and from all accounts is a genuinely nice human being.

This also brings to mind the fact that shows like “Secret Life of the American Teenager” and pretty much anything on MTV these days. Now again, don’t get me wrong I won’t be in line for sainthood when I die but I am no longer a kid and look at all of these things differently. In case you haven’t seen or heard anything about this show the crux of it is that all of these kids are having sex or going down on each other and two of them have gotten pregnant (one last year and one this year). Justine loves this show and Tami watches it when we have it on our DVR and I may sound a bit up and down about it but I am glad they do because we sit and watch it with them and answer any questions and be sure to point out anything that would not happen in real life when it’s on screen.

For those of you who don’t have teenage kids yet you will be here one day. You will hear a story from your teen about a friend or catch a glimpse of a show they are watching and hear the characters talking about having sex and wonder what happened to the baby that fell asleep on your chest every night.

The book is for sale!

2010-07-20T20:45:00.000-04:00

Guess what everyone?!?!? The moment I have been waiting for has finally arrived! My book is available now at https://www.createspace.com/3469029

createspace is an affiliate of amazon and is where the best deal is. Please be sure to check it out, leave comments to help me out and oh yeah, buy a copy! It's only $11.99 and... is a great read, especially for those that are expecting!

You know when I was a kid...

2010-07-20T13:27:00.000-04:00

It has been a month since we rushed to the hospital. Four weeks have gone by since we rushed into the emergency room and began the final stage of the pregnancy. That’s right everyone, Evan is 1 month old already and the time has been rushing by. Evan has been a great baby so far, he sleeps almost every night for anywhere between 5 and 7 hours straight and is a pretty happy baby when he is awake. The only time we really hear him get a little cranky is when he has been sleeping for awhile and wakes up hungry. One of the nicknames we have given him is baby bird. When he is starving his mouth flies open and his head wiggles around the second anything touches his chin or anywhere near his mouth. He goes after his clothes, burp cloths, blankets, our noses, anything. Mommy and I have adjusted to the change in schedule and have been in a routine that is working great for us. The visitors have slowed down but that is fine with us because we are pretty greedy when it comes to him anyway  .

Shawna has not been hovering nearly as much as she was the first two weeks which is a great relief for me. In fact, this past weekend she went to a wedding that was about 1.5 hours away. This gave me the entire afternoon to be alone with Tami and Evan. I felt a lot like Tom Hanks in “Cast Away” when he created fire. It was hard for me to control my emotions sitting on the couch with the two human beings that were in this world because of me. I have created two lives and am partially responsible for ensuring they become successful members of society. There really is no way in the world you can describe the feelings you have for your children, it’s just something only a parent can understand.

On a completely unrelated note I was talking with my parents the other day and they had mentioned some of things they used to do when my sister and I were little to get out of the house but not spend a ton of money. One of the things they talked about was how they used to take us to a Chinese food place and get an order of pork fried rice, two egg rolls (cut in half) and a drink for us to share. Until that conversation I never realized that we shared a meal or anything. I only remember going there and having fun, sitting on a booster seat and eating off a red tray. Now kids expect so much and it’s because we continue to give them way more than we ever had. The things kids will remember most are the things I remembered. Spending time as a family and joking around with each other far outweighs the actual event. My Dad worked long hours Tuesday through Saturday so he wasn’t home that often but what I remember about those days were the trips to the community pool, day trips to the Pocconos (which he always called the Poke-a-nose) and just spending time doing things that didn’t involved a cell phone, a TV or a computer.

I am guilty of this myself. My kids don’t know what it’s like to get your clothes from a grocery store like I did when Laneco was big. They don’t share food and they sure as hell can’t breathe without some type of electronic device near them. Every generation looks at the one behind it and says the same thing, “you know when I was a kid …” No kid wants to hear that anymore than any parent wants to hear about Little Johnny and how his parents bought him this and they went there on vacation when they can’t afford to keep up with them.

Parenting across the ages

2010-07-16T10:41:00.002-04:00

It has dawned on me that I am currently in the midst of a parenting rarity. I have to concern myself with the worries of two teenage girls, one 7 year old boy, and a soon to be one month old baby. My girls are at the ages where I am worried about them making the wrong decisions or getting mixed in with the wrong crowd as they begin their high school careers. Meanwhile I have all of the worries that come along with having a newborn; will he continue to be healthy, sleep at night and be a happy baby are among the big ones right now. Finally we have Jay who is sort of in the middle. Our biggest concern with him is that he doesn’t end up falling out of a tree lol.

Parenting is a hard gig and every child that you add increases your level of stress exponentially. Having kids in three distinct age groups gives me a great chance to appreciate what each age means to a parent. Babies are completely reliant on you (duh) for everything. When they are awake you need to be 100% on your game and ready to change a shitty diaper or feed them at almost any moment. A seven year old relies on you for bigger things, like getting a hot lunch together for them or listening to their stories that tend to last for 45 minutes and are about as full of fantasy as George Bush’s victory speech on that boat in Iraq.

This brings me to the teenage girls. First let me explain that I love these two girls and would do anything for either of them. I don’t want you to feel as though all I do is complain about them however this gives me a chance to vent and hopefully prepare you other parents for what is coming your way. Anyway, you would think that the age group where they can do things on their own; like go to the bathroom, make something to eat and wash their own laundry would be the easiest to handle however this is far from the truth. See the problem with kids this age is that they are also old enough to realize what they want you to know about them and what they don’t want you to know and try their best to make sure these categories don’t get crossed. There is a delicate balancing act going on between teens and their parents that is seemingly never ending. On one side, as a parent you tell your children to come to with everything and that they should feel comfortable telling you anything but sometimes it is hard to do that when they say or do something that is completely against everything you hoped for them.

Parenting is not for the faint hearted and I caution anyone who is thinking of becoming a parent who has a heart condition, a nervous disorder, a brain or a social life that you must prepare yourself for anything and everything.

Hovering

2010-07-14T09:24:00.000-04:00

Last night there were two events that took place that I wanted to discuss. The first of which needs a brief back story. I play in a men’s softball league and on this past Monday I was running from 2nd to 3rd when I felt a slight pop in Achilles heel and have been limping since. Ok, so at about 4:30am Evan lets out this scream and cry that made me jump from the bed and run over to his crib. By the time I got there and put my hand on his chest to try and soothe him he already fallen back to sleep. As any parent knows, these types of things send a jolt of adrenaline through your veins that can only be matched by the first drop of a really friggin tall roller coaster.

After realizing he was ok the adrenaline started wearing off and the realization that I had just literally jumped off my bed and ran across the room on my weak foot and the pain shot straight up to my head and I fell to the ground. Again, to touch on yesterday’s post, these are the types of things that drive me nuts as a parent of older kids. It brings to life all of the things that you put your kids needs and wants in front of yours. While I was waiting for the ability to get back up and hobble over to the bed I started thinking that one day Evan will look at me when I tell him no and say something close to, “It’s not fair!” Ahh the innocence of teens assuming that life should be fair.

The other event that got me thinking happened after his feeding was done. Generally I do the feeding before I go to work but since he slept from 9:30pm to 4:30am I knew he wouldn’t be ready to eat again before I left at 6:45 so I wanted to hold him for a few minutes while he was up. I was laying in bed and laid him down next to me as I have done a few times, not for him to sleep there but just so we can be on the same level. While looking into his eyes I heard the following from the other side of the bed, “Be careful with him, I just read an article about SIDS and it said sleeping in the bed is a major cause.” This is something that you hovering mothers need to think long and hard about approaching. My wife especially because with my first baby I was 14 and got an awful lot of suggestions and explanations from everyone on how to do certain things and what not to do because I was kid. This time however I am a 28 year old man and I know what I am doing. In fact, unless you see the father of your baby doing something completely idiotic or he specifically says, “I have no idea what the hell I am doing, can you help me out?” Try not to interject too much because he will eventually feel like he can’t do anything with the baby around you because you don’t trust him.

My book on the KINDLE

2010-07-13T21:39:00.002-04:00

If you have a KINDLE or the KINDLE App for your Ipod, Ipad or Blackberry download my book here for only $4.99!
http://www.amazon.com/Didnt-Expect-While-Expecting-ebook/dp/B003VD1HRI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1279071488&sr=8-1

Teenage girls are evil

2010-07-13T10:29:00.000-04:00

I have decided now that Evan is here that the subject matter of my blog can now shift from all things pregnancy / newborn to all things parenting, from the father’s point of view anyway. Being a father requires you to have tough skin, especially if you have teenage daughters. If you have a daughter and she has not yet entered her teenage years enjoy the time you have with her now. At 9 years old your daughter thinks the world of you, you are a real life super hero to her. If there is a bug on wall, a monster in the closet or a thunderstorm outside, who does she turn to for protection? Her Daddy of course!

Now for those who are new to the blog or just don’t remember I have two teenage girls, Tami will be 14 in September and is mine, Justine is already 14 and is my step-daughter (that will be the last time you hear her referred to as “step” just wanted to clarify for now). I had a good father and daughter relationship with Tami for the first 9 years or so and then her mother and I got divorced. It’s unfortunate the way that divorce can affect the relationship and the grasp you have on your children, especially if you are the father because no matter how much you plead your case, unless your ex is a drug addict or abuser the children generally go to their mother. I have seen changes in her almost from the moment the divorce was finalized.

Over the last year Shawna and I have noticed a difference in the way she acts when she is with us, very stand offish, and almost looks like she is told she is going to be walking the green mile at any moment. So finally last week after being turned down for a lunch visit with me at work and her deciding, without asking me, to baby sit instead of coming over at the time she was supposed to I told her that from now on if she doesn’t want to come over every Monday and Wednesday she doesn’t have to. I was hoping that this would accomplish two things, the first of which being a little tough love. I was hoping this would show her how I felt, what it is like to feel a little let down the way I do when she turns down the opportunity to spend time with us. The other thing I was hoping it would do is get her more interested in coming because she isn’t forced to. Of course neither one has come to fruition so far. I think she was relieved that she doesn’t have to come here on a regular schedule and in fact she was supposed to come over last night and chose not to. Again, the need for tough skin is ever so prevalent when dealing with teenage girls.

My other daughter Justine has a father who comes and goes depending on his relationship status. If he has a new girlfriend he tends to show up more than he does when he is single. We may not hear from him for 4 or 5 months and then he goes on a stretch where he wants her every other weekend for about a month or so and then vanishes again. I have known Justine for about 5 years now and feel no differently for her than I do Tami, but alas she is a teenage girl and there for, like the other teenage girl in my life, repeatedly makes me feel like I am nothing but a cab service and ATM without meaning it. Her on again off again father does not pay child support nor does he make any attempt to however his current girlfriend and her two or three kids live in a house, with a pool and drive a relatively new SUV. When she is with him her limitations are minimal, she is on the computer at 3am and gets brought to a night club on the boardwalk at Sea Side Heights NJ for teen night (13 – 18 year olds). Within my walls the computer time is limited and a night club is something she only sees on TV. I understand he is her father and she has more freedoms when she is with him however my comments on Facebook get deleted, I get the bitchy attitudes for 11.5 months a year and I foot the bill (gladly by the way) for all of her expenses. One day I hope these girls realize that I am a little stricter than their other parents because I care and am looking out for them. I was a father at 14 and refuse to be a 28 year old grandfather.

My ultimate goal as a parent is to be a parent first and their friend second. I am not looking to score points for being awesome, I am looking to score respect. I might not get my reward until the girls are married and have kids of their own but that is fine by me. When I am a grandpa one day and my grand kids are being bitchy to their parents and shouting about how unfair life is that is, that is when my reward hits. When the girls realize just how much I sacrificed of my time, money, blood, sweat and tears and how they were to me, that’s the moment I am waiting for.

Diapers, bottles and laundry oh my!

2010-07-11T10:09:00.000-04:00

Anyone who is a parent to an infant knows where I am going with the subject of this post. For those of you who are expecting your first baby or just reading this to see what it is going to be like, dirty diapers, bottle cleaning and loads of laundry will be almost as common when your baby is born as breathing and blinking are. Currently our lives consist of changing diapers full of pee and poop, washing the clothes he has peed and spit up on and washing the bottles / pumping equipment that get dirtied every 4 to 5 hours. These chores become incredibly mind numbing after awhile and begin to feel like they are done every 15 minutes, and in some cases are. The worst is when you know he is taking a poop, you feel as though he has completed his task and take him off to change his diaper. The big stinky mess has been cleaned, the onesie buttoned and then what is that noise that you hear? That's right, your little bundle of joy is pushing out more poopy just for you!
My son is amazing, he is handsome and happy and to this point he sleeps great at night. I miss him like crazy when I am at work and just his smile or things he has done have brought me to tears a few times but raising a baby is trying. The change in schedule is hard, you lose who you were and your idea of a great date night or weekend changes. It is definitely something that you can't half ass and claim to be good at. You either step up to the plate 100% or don't step onto the field.
While I am typing this post Evan is sitting in his swing and yawning and I can't help but wonder how all of these men who donate their sperm and take off and then show up once every 3 or 4 months feel as though they can take any credit for raising their kids? What gives them the right to be celebrated on Father's Day? Phone calls, letters and 2 weeks a year don't give you a true understanding of what it means to be a parent. I read in a book that it takes 10,000 hours of practice at something before you become an expert at it, at that rate some of these men will never be a parenting expert.