Whimspiration

Welcome Instant: The Gift of a Moment

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 21:34:00 +0000

Yesterday I picked up my daughter on the side of the road.
Chance meeting.
We went shopping.
She gave me gifts.
It was odd.
Unexpected.

Living away from one's children,
our only contact, the internet.
I have no telephone.

Such a strange and separate parenthood.
I do my best to guide her from afar.
And try to convince her to go back to school.

She's almost 17 now.
Still dating the boy she fell for at 14.

Life can be odd sometimes.
But still it is full of love, and happy surprises.

May your Valentine's Day be rich with unexpected joy.

Writing, Endo, & Moving

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 10:35:00 +0000

I've been awarded a great job writing for companies! It's a lot of fun, and it really challenges my writing speed, research skills, and creativity. Of course, writing for a living means that my typing bone has been re-energized, so I'll be back here more often as well. Heck, I already have several posts just ready to go, so stay tuned! I won't be posting every day any time soon, but I will be posting at least once a week, if nothing else, just to keep you posted on current happenings and so forth. *smile*

In other news, I've started having some of the symptoms of Endo again, so I'm afraid the doctor might not have gotten it all, even though all of my girly innards are gone. Luckily the discomfort is mostly just an annoyance at this point, but I'm going to set another doctor's appointment soon anyway, just to be safe.

We moved again, this time into a new place that's just beautiful. A friend of ours is letting us stay in his home while he's not using it. This will allow us to save up money to get our own place, or, *hope hope* to make a down payment on a place of our very own. It would be so nice to finally own a place! *smiles wistfully*

Anywho, I have to get back to work, so I'll talk to you later. Thanks for hanging in there with me!

.

Back Again

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 23:40:00 +0000

I know, I know. Bad blogger. Let's move on now, shall we?

Life's been crazy and hectic since the surgery. I moved into a new place wit my new boyfriend, and promptly went so far into debt trying to pay off all the bills that I can't see where I'll ever get out without moving again. Of course, moving will cost a lot of money that I don't currently have, so I sold off a lot of my personal possessions at a yard sale last month. I still don't have enough money to move yet, but I'm really hoping that I can make that up this weekend when I have my massive Tupperware liquidation party and my stone-painting art party.

Other than that, my recovery is still going on. My back and abdomen are killing me on a pretty regular basis, but not nearly as bad as it was just after the operation. I've gained a whole lot of unwanted weight, skyrocketing back up to 220lbs! Needless to say, I'm a very fat case of not happy about that, not only because of the extra strain, and therefore, pain, but also because I now no longer ave any clothes that fit me properly. I've started NHRT, so I'm hoping that will help with the uncontrolled weight fluctuation.

I've started an exercise regimen, and if I can somehow remember to do it every day (damnable ADHD), I should be back in the shape I was before the surgery in a couple of months. Wish me luck!

Lol Cat Aerobics

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 23:46:00 +0000

Our baby kitteh makes his internet debut on YouTube! :D

Barataria: The Festival Season Begins

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 07:32:00 +0000

And let me tell you, it started with a bang!

Not that I broke even, but I had a lot of fun, and there's good news on the horizion for Barataria being even better next year. Seeing as this was the first year of the festival, no vendor worth their salt was actually expecting to make a lot of money, but rather, we put on a good showing, so that the attendees would be excited about it and tell all their friends. Of course, that makes for a bigger event in future years, more people coming, and bigger profits for the vendors.

Working festivals for fun and profit: All it takes is a little patience! *grin*

But I digress... The costumes of the players (pirate and faerie courts) were simply breathtaking, the events and performers were professional and fun, and all ages attended and had an absolute blast. Barataria would have been hard pressed to do better as a first year faire than they did, and that's saying a lot! I've seen established events that weren't anywhere near the quality that Barataria was in it's first year.

The tale of how Barataria, the mythical aisle of the pirate king, Captain Black, came to be moved by the faeries into the current day is well told in numerous "journal entries" by the various characters of the faire, and is a great read, even if it was not associated with such a beautifully put-together event. You can find the tale on the Barataria website.

I already have a few of the unseelie court in love with my Vita-FizZ. It was really amusing that they gave my candy yet another nickname "crushed baby Seelie in a tube". I'll tell ya, they all played their parts well, stayed in character, and were creative to boot! *smile* In the heat of the day, I was fanning people on my break, and I fanned the fire faerie, another of the unseelie, and she thanked me by saying something along the lines of "oh that's lovely, I just might not kill you" *chuckle* Simply beautifully done, really, on all counts.

To see some of what I am talking about, photos, videos, and commentary on the first year, check out Barataria Pirate and Fairy Faire on Facebook.

And Now We know

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 04:23:00 +0000

What is it we know, you may ask yourself? Well we now know exactly how long it is between when I feel good enough to blog and do a few other small things in my life, and when I tackles everything head-on again after a major surgery! *laugh*

As evidenced by my recent disappearance from the blog, I've been exceedingly active as of late. This coming weekend is Barataria Faire, Springfield's very own pirate and fairy festival. I have to finish my costume, I'm impatiently awaiting the delivery of some of my components, I'm trying to get out of sewing as much as I can manage, and since the great data loss a few months ago, I've also been completely reworking my product labels! *pant pant*

But that's not all! Oh no, of course not! I still have to make a new batch of every product I sell, adfter, that is, I say, AFTER! I find my danged recipe book! *pulls out hair*

And I have to get a whole lot more volunteers to paint on before the event so that I can make a paint example book that will be not only worthy of the event, but also worthy of my artistry. These next few days are going to be a TON of fun, let me tell ya!

Actually, they will be. I've been having a blast creating the little finishing touches for our costumes, and I'm planning a sew & show party for Wednesday. I finally found both my canera and the charger for it's battery, so the photos are coming as quickly as I can find models willing to be immortalized in my paint book. Three down, about 40 to go! LOL

And of course, everyone is welcome to attend Barataria Faire The tickets and attractions are inexpensive, and it's going to be a fabulously fun time! Bring yourself, bring the kids, and come frolic with the faeries and pirates in the first Barataria Faire ever, on the square, in Springfield, MO! *grin*

Wish me luck!

Rivertime!

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 08:13:00 +0000

R & I met up with a friend from Facebook the other day and we all went to the river for a swim with K (R's eldest daughter). It was a lot of fun, especially since I remembered to bring my swim fins. It's a good thing that I did bring my fins because the current was pretty fierce, and there were several times that I (or one of the other two gals) would have simply floated downstream had I not been able to swim to the rescue.

In fact, it was really amusing when K & I decided to swim half-way across the river. I had her hold onto my locks and I just dragged her behind me as I kicked us on over there. Of course, I'm the type of person who likes to push herself, so when it was time to go back, I tried to drag both girls back to the boat-loading dock. That was a HUGE mistake, as I was swimming into the current, and I don't think either of them were kicking, or kicking as hard as they could... So I had an asthma attack right there in the middle of the river with two girls attached to my dreadlocks! Eventually we all made it to safety, but I nearly sent our friend into a panic attack worrying about me. :/ So, I'm not going to try to drag people upstream anymore, at the very least until I'm in a LOT better shape! *laugh*

Hysto Swing : A New Set of Moves

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 18:23:00 +0000

Lots of research going on again these days.

Discovered that in a "normal" woman, there are changes in hormone production daily, weekly, hourly, and even variances due to activity level! I'm not sure that I even want to take hormone replacement therapy, but just in case I decide to, I'm working to find the way to an artificial balance that looks like real balance.

I'm going to try to loose weight again. The significant amount of weight that I gained while recovering from the worst part of the surgery is really getting to me, and by golly, I'm going to get rid of it, and finish my weight loss journey that I dropped activity a while back.

I've also learned that after a hysterectomy, HRT blocks absorption of certain vitamins and minerals, and I've found a vitamin/suppliment prescription for that has all of the extra nutrients I need for complete health during HRT. It's a prenatal vitamin, but not covered my my insurance, so I'll have to continue my search.

Another Day

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 23:25:00 +0000

Things are busying up again in my little part of the world.

I went camping again last weekend, and ended up helping to set up three tents, walking over 3 miles in two days, and going swimming in the river. It was GREAT, but my legs and back sure were sore when I got back home because I didn't have a camp mattress! LOL No hyster-pain though, so I thought I was in the clear until a friend's dog decided he wanted to step onto my stomach while I was sitting down. That wasn't pretty for a few hours, but I'm all better from that now too. :D

It's getting ready to fold into the busy season for my business now, and I think I'll be able to handle it pretty well if R holds up his part of the bargain.

In hormone news, I still haven't taken the dive into HRT, even though my DR really wants me to. I've been weighing the pros and cons, and I still can't decide on whether it is a good idea for me. Even this long after the surgery, I'm not having any truly bothersome issues from the lack of hormones. A few warm flashes near the beginning, and a little bit of fatigue , but that was all. I've been staying up later and getting a couple hours less sleep per night, but I don't feel any the worse for it because 8 hours sure beats the 10-12 I was sleeping before the surgery. My acne has even cleared up a lot! I really feel like my body is now where it was actually meant to be.

Now I know all of that reads that I don't need HRT, but I am 34 years old, and my DR and I are concerned about the risk of heart problems, obesity, and osteoporosis. It would be nice to have more energy again, and be able to just up and go when I want to, but I don't know if that is fully hormonal, or that I've been inactive for so long. I'm also worried about my skin becoming thinner and early aging.

That said, if I take any form of HRT, I run the risk of gaining weight anyway, having mood imbalances, menopausal symptoms, nausea, increased acne, and, most worrisome, increased cancer risk, and possibly having my Endo come back.

I really don't know what I should do at all.

HysterGain

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 19:01:00 +0000

I've gained nearly 30# in the last 6wks. I don't know how I'm going to be able to loose it all before the next event I'm supposed to attend in early August, especially when I feel so tired and sore all of the time. Most of my clothes either don't fit at all, or fit too tightly, so I've been relegated to wearing loose dresses and my stretch pants with R's shirts.

It's been the full 6wks since my surgery, and I've technically been cleared to resume all normal activities, but that's all dependent on how I feel, as I've been instructed to still "take it easy" and listen closely to my body's signals.

That said, I think I need to lie down for another nap. *sigh*

One of these days I'll be back in top form, right?

Happy Cow Appreciation Day!

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 06:14:00 +0000

On or around this day each year Chick-Fil-A has their annual Cow Appreciation Day. This is the day in which all of the chicken lovers dress like a cow so they can prove they're not chicken, and score a delicious meal, FREE!

We'll be attired meagerly this year, as I'm not sure where all of my cow-ish clothing is since the move. We haven't finished unpacking completely yet, but by golly, I'm not going to miss out on my free chicken! *chuckle*

Oh, did I mention that it's a lot of fun too? *grin*

Tango Hysto: The Dance Continues

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 23:07:00 +0000

Just got back from the doctor's office. While he's had a lot of experience with Endo, his experience is mostly that if a woman has Endo, she should have her ovaries removed. *sigh* So he really didn't KNOW about Endo specialists, the ability to get it all with one or two simple procedures, or whatnot. But he did the best that he could with the information he had, and the only real mistake I can even come close to saying that he made was not making it clear to me that there was a very strong possibility that I had endo or that other thing that acts a lot like it, which would have allowed me to actually do some research and go into the surgery better informed. I can't really blame him for not knowing everything about every single Possible gynelogical problem there is. Not reasonably anyway.

I also talked to him about why, 6wks ago, my body needed the hormones that it was creating, but now, somehow I needed less than that. He told me that I could replace whatever of my hormones that I wanted to, and that was up to me, not him. (This was after I explained to him that I wanted the Progesterone because it decreased the rampant cell growth that is caused by Estrogens, and thus would decrease the likelihood of a recurrence in my Endo).

He referred me to a pharmacist who would be more able to answer some specific questions that I had, and that pharmacist referred me somewhere else after answering all of the questions for me that she could.

I now have all of the information that I need, but am not really any closer to a solution for my concerns.

All I know is that I am now, and will forever be, without my ovaries, and if I want to be a healthy young woman, I will need to take replacement hormones at least for the next 10 years or more.

Hopefully, I'll figure all this out before the end of the week, and if I'm REALLY lucky, my insurance will cover most of what I need to get to keep my body in proper working order. If not, I'll just have to do without, because I definitely can't afford something as extravagant as HRT when I'm having problems paying the utility bill!.

Tango Endo Hyst

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 20:48:00 +0000

Since I had my first OBGYN appointment (and maybe earlier), I have had every symptom of Endo, and not known about the disease, never even heard of it except in passing. I never did any research to find out anything about it, because it didn't effect anyone that I knew. Not that I knew of anyway.

My doctor never spoke to me about Endo, risk factors, or anything else, except for when I asked him about having a hysterectomy. Hysto was the only option I knew of that might finally relieve my debilitating pain and excessive bleeding. I would no longer have to worry about when my cycle was going to start, and my bowels wouldn't act up so much if I didn't have a uterus and thus, didn't have periods that, of course, were the only possible thing I could think of that might be causing all of the problems.

Pretty logical thought pattern, especially if you've no idea what Endo is, or that you might have it...

Throughout the years, I have been to the ER repeatedly for severe menstrual pain, and even spent 6yrs on Depo at one point to prevent periods and the pain that went along with them. Unfortunately for me, another side effect was severe weight gain, elevating my genetic risk of diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and degenerative arthritis, so I had to stop getting the shot that improved my quality of life so much.

The only mention my doctor made about Endo, was during our surgical consultation, he mentioned off-hand that he'd like to leave my ovaries, but if there were an unforeseen problem, like endometriosis or something, he might need to take them too. That's it. No other mention of it, and I thought nothing of it. My OB had always given me very complete information about everything, so when he just shot past that possibility, I assumed that there was very little risk of any such a thing being the case or being necessary. I also assumed that the only way to take care of Endo, was to remove the parts effected. That's the way he said it anyway, and I could always trust him, so I had no questions.

So when we went into surgery, and he told me during the procedure (I was awake for it, spinal block) that he was going to have to take my ovaries and tubes because they were covered in Endo, I thought that was my only choice, the only option available to me, and I agreed to their removal.

Now, 6wks later, I come to the Endo forum on my beloved HysterSisters to discover that there were several options available to me. Options that I had never heard of and that had never been discussed with me?! I could have KEPT my ovaries?!? No arguments with my DR over HRT vs NHRT/bio-identical, no menopause at 34. No late-night marathon reading sessions to get up to date on information I shouldn't have needed until at least 10 years from now. No weakness or frailty due to lack of hormones, no crying jags, no emotional trauma...

I feel cheated and lied to. I feel like my DR just did what was most convenient for him, instead of actually doing the work necessary to give me the proper and complete medical care that I deserved.

Just because I didn't know, doesn't mean that I should have been taken advantage of like this. I should have been informed, even if it was right there on the operating table! Even if it was just a quick "hey, you have endo, that's why you've been hurting so bad all of these years. I'm going to go ahead and take your uterus because you don't want it anyway, but there are methods we can try to maybe save your ovaries. Do you want to try those first, and risk surgery again if they don't work, or would you like me to take them now and start you on hormone replacements to prevent menopause, that you'll have to take for years until you hit a "normal" age for menopause?"

Really, would those few short sentences have taken so very freaking long to spit out instead of just ripping out everything that made me the strong and capable woman I once was? I have a doctor's appointment again tomorrow to talk to him about these issues.

For some odd reason, my Dr also seems to think that I only need one type of estrogen, no progesterone, and no T, even though my body was producing three estrogens, P, & T 6 weeks ago. Until earlier today (my 6wk post-op appt.), when I set him right, he didn't think anything of giving me concentrated horse urine to mimic my missing estrogens instead of something that is biochemically identical to what my body, until very recently, produced on it's own.

I think I'm going to try to find an Endo specialist or an endocrinologist if I can't get my OBGYN to do the job correctly. Heck, I might do that anyway. I will likely be talking to my GP as well, to see if I can maybe get him to comply with my insistence on receiving complete and proper health care; especially if my OBGYN refuses my needs.

Testing, Testing 1,2, Oops!

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 15:29:00 +0000

Been feeling really great for the past few days now, with very little soreness or overt tiredness, so when a friend of mine got stranded about 250 miles north of my hometown, I decided to go out with DH to pick him up. Not only that, but I took a shift driving, and printed out several geocaches to find on the way up.

We found 8 caches! I hiked on some pretty serious rocky terrain, traipsed through three fields, and felt great the whole time.

I thought I was in the clear and all better, but once we got to the hotel and I ate FAR too much of a burger that was WAY too big, I really started to feel it.

So I'm not better enough to pick up and really do what I'd like yet, as I had hoped. I'm very sore, extremely tired, and my tummy hurts from eating too much.

I took 1/4 of one of my serious pain pills, and that did the trick to take the edge off the worst of the pain.

But despite how much I am hurting, it was SO worth it! (especially since I'm not experiencing any other, more serious complications)

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to back off a bit tomorrow, when we head back with our passenger to prevent this from happening again. I will be geocaching again tomorrow, but not nearly as many, and I'll likely not do any driving until we get back into our home town.

Lesson learned?

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 04:17:00 +0000

Wow, has it really been six whole days? Time has just flown by!

This past week has been exceedingly hectic. We found a friend with a truck who was willing to help us in exchange for some ointment I made up for him, and some other friends who were willing to help lift and move for the promise of a good, homecooked meal. Luckily for us, i was able to provide both, and now we have almost everything from the old place moved into the new one! *grin*

In similar news, here's a joke: How does a recovering hysterectomy patient move a box full of books? She takes the books out, a small few at a time and sets them in the top of the closet, then moves the box, then moves the books, a few at a time. LOL Yeah, I'm not lifting above my weight limit, but I'm still finding ways to be productive! *laugh*

I'm still hurting and tired, but i very much doubt that that's going to end any time soon at this point. According to HysterSisters, weeks 3-4 are supposed to be the yo yo weeks of uncertainty, and I've finished week 4 as of tomorrow morning around 11am.

Whatever's wrong with R is getting progressively worse, and he can't seem to get in to see a doctor at any of the free places. I'm not sure what to do about it, and we can't afford to take him to the hospital or a regular physician, especially since we don't even know where our rent money is going to come from next month.

My eldest doesn't seem to want to have a birthday party, or see me for her birthday. I'm not really sure why, but I think it is for the same reason that she chose to stay with her grandmother... I don't approve of the 21yo that she's dating. Of course, now that she's 16, I can send her to the educational facility that she said she was looking forward to getting into. As she's refused to do anything even unschool-like since she's moved out, I will be very happy to knoe that she is at least getting some form of education. *sigh*

Well, there's lots more to write, but I don't really have the energy for anything else right now. I think I'm going to do a couple of money-making surveys (every tiny bit helps) and go to bed.

Medical Mayhem

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 00:36:00 +0000

Well, not exactly mayhem, per say... In fact, everything's going right according to the proper schedule, according to my doctor. But is sure does make for a fabulous title, doesn't it? *chuckle*

I feel like some of the people in my life think I'm milking this. I feel like I never get to simply rest, since I'm always up cooking, cleaning, or working on the computer. If I try to nap, I'm needed, so I just gave up trying a while back. I'm still hormonal and I fell like noone understands me. I'm doing too much while everyone says I'm not doing enough.

Half the time, R is bossing me telling me to lay down and let my healing body rest, and the other half of the time, he's asking me to do things. I figure if it feels like I'm pushing, stretching or whatever, my body, then I shouldn't be doing whatever it is, even if it is "just putting away the groceries".

I've been shedding old blood for a few days now. My doctor tells me that it's probably from the holed the dissolving stitches left when they did their thing, and that it's normal for my stage of healing.

I'm feeling pinching and itching on my insides that I can only attribute to the healing of my stitched areas internally. It's even worse when I have to go potty, and I think that's because the bladder is rubbing against my stitches when it's full.

I'm really not allowed to get the rest I need at the moment. We just realized that DH may have a serious medical condition, one that prevents him from really helping around the house as much as he'd like, and as much as I need him to right now. He'll be heading to the DR tomorrow to get our suspicions checked out, and I'll be calling up to see if the order for a home health aide for me has gone through so that I can finally get some much needed rest.

I thought that I was simply expected to be up and about, walking, running errands, and doing light housework by now, so that's what I've been doing. No naps, no strong pain meds, no nothing. We've been visiting friends, going to community events (with my walker), and all sorts of stuff. No cabin fever for me, but I'm always achy. I guess I've been pushing too hard again and not knowing it. After all, I don't know how all of this is supposed to go! I'm glad that I have the HysterSisters website to help me understand this process, because otherwise, I'd be completely lost and confused.

Today I had to take my pain meds again. I slept in the recliner last night because DH was hurting me with all of his twitching, rolling, and flopping. He didn't mean to, he was just hurting really bad, and couldn't get comfortable. Today was also my first nap since I got out of the hospital too. I was SO sore!

This evening was much better after I took the meds though, so after dinner, we went for a short walk, and he made me promise to tell him if he was flopping too much in bed tonight, and he'd go sleep out in a recliner. He's so sweet to me. *smile*

I have noticed that my own toilet at home is the only one that I can BM in without a lot of pain. I figure it is probably made for short people, so I don't have to strain so hard to balance myself in the process.

Other than that, I've noticed that Percocet seems to have the effect of helping to manage my ADHD. I think where, in a neurotypical person, it slows the reflexes and all of that, it also slows my brain down, but to a more "normal" speed, so I can now think like people who don't have ADHD! I'm not going to complain about that one, that's for sure! *laugh*

Had my first night sweat the day before yesterday. It was interesting, but not too bad. Hopefully that's as bad as my body wants to get, thought I've heard that fat holds estrogens, and I AM overweight, so I'm thinking that my body might be holding some remnants of estrogen, even though my ovaries were both removed.

I am very much missing my testosterone though. This easily-tired, moody, and weak stuff is getting really old, really fast. It's like I'm a different person entirely, and I'm getting really fed up with it, really quick.

Qutting Down

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 01:13:00 +0000

We've both decided to cut down severely on our smoking, in the hopes that that step will get us closer to quitting altogether. That's a big leap from when he told me he'd never, ever quit, ever! *grin* I'm so proud of him for finally caring more about his health. It's amazing how your outlook can change when you have people in your life that you know love you unconditionally, I guess.

Well, that, and the fact that we can't afford cigarettes anymore, but still. I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, k?

Still Laughing at Us All: Vince Pollock 1986-2010

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 22:18:00 +0000

Our friend that we knew as Vinnie Sunshine passed from us this week.

What can I say about Vinnie that could honestly do him justice? Nothing, really. Vincent Pollock was, in his short time here, simply too much.

Vinnie was a complex and multi-faceted man, despite his chronological youth. None of us REALLY ever fully knew him, there was just so much to know. He would call you up in the middle of the night to get together and talk about nothing in particular, which would usually end in a philosophical discussion of some sort.

A tall Canadian, he could hold his liquor like nobody else I've ever known, supported the local music scene, and rarely passed up an opportunity to have fun with friends.

His constantly-rotating collection of snarky, rude, or simply insulting t-shirts was his fashion trademark, and to his friends, seeing him in a suit was like landing on an alien planet. He pulled that of beautifully too though, always looking like he had been made to wear whatever it was that he dragged from his closet that day.

Vinnie was a self-professed asshole, and he had incredible skills at convincing everyone that that's who he was. He was fully uncensored, all the time, and nearly always went straight for the shock value, regardless of the situation. It was second-nature to him to be an insensitive jerk on the outside, where everyone could see, and that's just one of the multitude of reasons why we all loved him.

He had a huge, honest smile and amazing wit that he shared openly with nearly everyone he met, and a strong, warm hug that encompassed those he cared for.

A graduate of MSU, Vincent Pollock helped a lot of people, donating his hair to Locks of Love, and donating to several charities, one of his favorites of which was Operation Smile.

He was wise beyond his years at times, a great conversationalist with a huge vocabulary, and an avid student of human nature.

A comic to the finish, very few of us knew that he had experienced trouble with depression for most of his life, and when we learned that he had shot himself, we didn't know what to think. A good majority of us expected him to pop out of the closet, come out from behind or underneath something at any moment, laughing his balls off about how he fooled us and we were such "pussies" for crying about him being gone, so that we could then proceed to kick his arse...

But that never happened.

Many of us have changed our Facebook avatars to photos of him, in honor of his passing. His friends threw multiple impromptu gatherings in honor of his life, and a local bar held a memorial for him as well, with all profits and donations being given to a charity in his name. His private, family funeral is tonight.

He had great taste in friends, and a huge "fan-base". His friends ranged widely across the spectrum of humanity, from geeks and freaks, to DJs and bar owners, businesspeople to high society, and he both wooed and insulted them all, somehow, endearing himself to everyone in the process.

His last words to the world, posted Tuesday, June 8th, at 2:39am: "dial q for quintessence".

Vinnie, you have irrevocably imprinted yourself onto out hearts and souls. We could never forget you even if we wanted to, and for that, I thank you. Your short time here, and your massive intelligence, enlightened the world. You made an impact that can never be erased. You may not be here in body, but your spirit lives on strong in all of us, and you will never be far from our thoughts.

Egregious!

Obituary

Advertising poster for one of his memorials

Vinnie's Online Ghost

To offer condolences to his family

"Death is inevitable. Pregnancy is a sexually transmitted parasite with a 100% mortality rate. Pregnancy kills
everybody involved. The nurse, the doctor, everybody. That shit's worse than ebola!" -Vince Pollock

Power Surges (Poli-Ok)

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 04:13:00 +0000

All I did was cook a big breakfast today, and I seem to have overdone it. R's were over for a sleepover last night and some of this morning, but it seems to have completely done me in, even though I was just sitting around and talking for most of the time.

I didn't go to game tonight because I was just too tired and sore. The "power surges" are getting more frequent as of late. What I wouldn't give for one of those neck-hanging battery-operated fans and one of those hand-held battery-operated fans right now! Seriously, I would use them both at the same danged time, I get so overheated sometimes. I don't even want to think about how high this month's electric bill is going to be, with the temp down low-ish and the fans all on all the time. *sigh*

Going to bed early, exhausted, and in a lot of pain.

The Post-Surgery Updates

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 22:56:00 +0000

I said the other day about how I had posted an event on Facebook for my hysterectomy recovery. Well, so you don't feel left out, here's the jist of what has been said there so far.

"I can use all of the prayers, positive energy, and healing thoughts for an uncomplicated surgery and quick recovery that I can get.

I'll be able to get any well-wishes posted on FB." (and here in the comments too, of course)

"Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts.

UPDATES

5\24 Surgery went well. DR had to take ovaries due to severe endometriosis on uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes.

5\25 Christina is in a lot of pain but doing well otherwise.

5/26 Recovery going well. Much faster than expected. They're sending me home!

5/28 My first hot flash (power surge). Interesting experience. Who would've known they last 20 minutes!

5/29 Found that my incision is infected. The doctor says this is normal! I'll keep cleaning it with peroxide and hope for the best. At least it doesn't hurt worse than usual.

5/30 Tried to sleep last night without the pain meds. It was not a good idea. I'm back to taking them again.

6/2 Still really tired and sore. Feel like my insides are stretched tight. Can't seem to get enough sleep. Have an appointment with my doctor to see about the infection in my incision tomorrow.

6/4 Doctor's visit went well, he gave me an antibiotic and some more pain pills.

6/5 Drove the car today, went garage sale-ing. It was a lot of fun, but I got tired far too quickly for my liking.

6/6 Going camping for a day or so. Hopefully it's not too much for my healing body to handle.

6/9 Camping was a lot harder than I had expected. Home, sore, tired, and happy to have been able to spend that time with my friends.

6/10 Doing research on NHRT (bio-identical hormone replacement therapy). I have decided that I need to talk my DR into it instead of the conventional route, which uses concentrated horse urine (really not appealing to me for some odd reason). Other than that, the nerves on my cervix and my tummy incision have started to grow back, and the pinching and itching is driving me insane(er)! I'm still in quite a bit of pain, and still needing about 18 hours of sleep or more a day. :/"

So that's what happened, as it happened. I've set up a spot above the posts here on the blog, where the three most recent of my tweets show up as well. If you are on Twitter, you can follow me, but if you aren't on Twitter, you can still get the updates here if you visit the blog often enough! *grin*

They Took My Balls!

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 02:51:00 +0000

So now I'm a girl.

No, seriously, that's what it feels like!

So I had my hysterectomy. They call the complete procedure that I had a Supra-cervical Hysterectomy with salpingo-oophorectomy. That means, essentially, that when the doctor went in to remove my uterus, they found severe endometriosis on my ovaries and tubes, and had to remove those too.

It makes a pretty funny story in the retelling...

See, when I went in to the intake appointment, I was determined to make absolutely sure that they would not put me to sleep for the procedure. I was going to have an epidural or a spinal block so that I could be awake, and nothing was going to stand in my way. I had to be awake for medical reasons. I'm resistant to most numbing medications, and I wasn't about to risk being paralyzed on the operating table and unable to tell anyone if I started to feel pain. Also, abdominal surgeries that are done with a spinal or epidural have significantly faster recovery times, and better pain management than those done under general anesthesia. There is also less risk of complication after the surgery. So yes, I had my mind made up.

Needless to say, the intake nurse tried very, very hard to stand in my way, telling me numerous times precisely how long she had been a nurse, and exactly how amazingly competent their hospital's anesthesiologists were. In the end, I won. I was awake during the procedure, and, honestly, I'm VERY glad that I was. I also had to submit to the very last pregnancy test that I will ever have. *grin*

When I went in to actually have the surgery, everyone was very friendly and helpful, answering all of my questions while they prepped me for the procedure. There were a few folks who were surprised by the thoroughness of my questioning. The doctor came in and looked through the curtain to let me know he had arrived, I got the medical power of attorney forms signed and notarized, the IV in, and then they let Richard in to see me before they took me off for the rest of the preparations. It was really good to be able to see him one last time before I went into surgery.

After we parted ways, I was taken in to get my spinal and head off to the operating room. That was particularly uneventful except I got to experience a bed to bed transfer via blanket lift (a bit unnerving), and that it was really chilly in there and I had to have my gown open. *chuckle* I didn't even feel them giving me the spinal block, but then I didn't feel it when I got the epidural when I birthed Ladybug either. The ride to the operating room was odd, what with it being mostly in reverse, and then the real fun began.

They put a little sheet-curtain up at my chest-level so I wouldn't see the operation and freak the heck out, and got to work. I chatted with the anesthesiologist for a bit while he was reading the local newspaper, and then I promptly fell asleep. I woke up several times while they were still treating my innards like meatloaf mix, and one time, the doctor peeked up over the curtain to let me know that I had severe endometriosis all over both ovaries, along the back of my uterus, and on one of my fallopian tubes. We had chatted about the possibility of needing to take my ovaries if he found something wrong with them during the hysterectomy. Honestly, I had wanted to keep them if I could because slipping hard into early menopause not only didn't sound like a fun proposition, it also carries with it a lot of potentially serious health risks. But we HAD chatted about the possibility, so I told him that I understood, and to go ahead and take them, but to please leave my cervix. After a quick question and answer session, he agreed to leave my cervix, and went back to work, this time, removing the parts that I had thought, made me truly female.

I'm really glad that I was awake for this because I hadn't realized that he hadn't been clear on my desire to keep my cervix, and being awake when the doctor found out about needing to remove my ovaries allowed me to both come to terms with their loss while still on the operating table, as well as verify with him that I did very much wish to keep my cervix.

So they wheeled me into my room (because when you aren't knocked out, they don't have to wait for you to come out of anesthesia), and brought Richard in with my things that we had prepared for my hospital stay.

Richard told me later that when the doctor came to tell him how the surgery went, he was laughing about me demanding to be awake, then promptly sleeping through most of it. *laugh* Have I mentioned that I love my doctor? No, not like that you silly goose, he's just a really great physician. He's been my OBGYN since I was 14 and had my first girl-doctor visit. He has a fabulous bedside manner, a good sense of humor, is amazingly competent, and I trust him implicitly. Those of you that really know me, know that I have an innate distrust of allopathic physicians in general, so my saying that I trust him so much is saying a whole heck of a lot!

After the spinal wore off, the real fun began. And by fun, I mean that I learned to hate morphine. The on-demand button on my machine malfunctioned repeatedly, and my pain level was at a 10 (the most pain I've ever felt) off and on for the first day, and a good portion of the second. There was a LOT of crying and wailing until they plugged some Tramadol into the port in my IV. That one actually worked, and I was able to get some rest. I was really glad at this point that nobody had come to visit me, because the whole fiasco was quite pitiful, and there's no way I would have wanted my friends or family to see me like that.

As soon as I could feel my feet, I demanded that they let me sit up, and of course they required that I have two hospital staff members there to help me, so I had to wait for quite a while until they had two people available at the same time. Now, the amazing amount of assistance I got from these two trained professionals as I pulled myself to a seated position on the side of the bed was shocking... As they stood each of them, about three feet to either side of me and we chatted. *sigh* And here, I'm thinking, I needed to wait for them, why? After they saw me do that on my own, they commented on how surprisingly great I was doing for so soon after surgery, and left. That sort of comment, or even meaning, in looks with raised eyebrows, became a sort of running theme for the rest of my hospital stay. Feeling rather competent, after they left, I stood up, then promptly sat back down and gently tossed my cookies into a nearby bucket. It was the absolute mildest episode of vomiting I've ever experienced. Lesson one: Morphine makes you nauseous and dizzy. I set myself back into the bed to get some well-deserved rest.

A few hours later, I decided to give it another try, and feeling much better, I was able to stand without loosing my all-liquid diet again. After badgering the hospital staff to please take out the catheter and let me eliminate wastes on my own, they finally complied early the next morning, and I walked my happy tushie, with IV stand in tow, to the bathroom. I was a little shaky, but I made it just fine. I was walking on my own the morning after my surgery. I've since learned that this is not exactly on the expected side of the post-operation schedule. *chuckle*

Half-way through the day after surgery, my doctor came in to check on me and found me standing next to my bed. He asked how I was doing, I told him that aside from the pain, I felt pretty good, and he asked me if I remembered what he had said during the surgery. I said that I had, and that we had discussed it as a possibility, so I was fine with it. He smiled and left me to get back into bed for some more rest.

Later, the nurses removed my IV, and I asked Richard to walk with me around the ward a bit so that I could get a little exercise and speed up my healing process since I no longer had to drag the IV stand around with me everywhere. So we walked. Of course the nurses were shocked by this too. One of them said that my doctor hadn't put it on my chart that I was allowed to walk around, but stopped short of telling me to get back to my room, while another offered me some non-slip socks, which I gladly accepted and promptly put on right then and there, standing up in the hallway while leaning lightly against the wall for support. She gave me the raised eyebrows that I had become accustomed to, and we finished our short lap around the ward. *chuckle*

When we returned to my room, we discovered it being mobbed by two of the hospital's cleaning crew. It seems that as soon as I left my room, they ran in to change the sheets, dump the trashcans, and whatnot, hoping to have it done before I returned. It was funny, and I was duly impressed by the hospital's efficiency.

The rest of my stay was pretty uneventful. I healed up quickly, got some decent, yet mild exercise, and impressed the doctors and nurses a lot. I discovered that I knew one of the cleaning crew from a prior wine tasting at the local European market, and that the nurses at the hospital were quite a wonderful and varied group of women from all faiths.

My last night there, the evening nurse saw my jewelery (bracelets and necklace made of semiprecious stones and a spirit pouch), and said things like "crystal healing" and "amulet". I knew then that it was going to be a great night.

I tried to get online repeatedly while there in the hospital, but for some reason the WiFi didn't reach my bed with a strong enough signal to actually do anything with, so that was a no-go. I even tried to ping and tweet from my phone, but when I got home, I realized that none of my messages to the outside world had been delivered properly. But no worries, because before I went into the hospital, I made a Facebook event page for my healing process, and Richard was kind enough to update it for me each day when he stopped by the house to shower and pick up clean clothes, so my friends and family weren't completely in the dark.

But I never thought about what all hormones are actually secreted by the ovaries... I knew that women had testestorone, and that we had a lovely little collection of estrogens and progestrin. I knew that the estrogens came from the ovaries, but not much else. I'd never had reason to study in much detail about women's health issues in particular before, see...

So when I got out of the hospital, and was suddenly feeling weak, maleable, moody, whiny, needy, and walking with a different posture and gait, I didn't know what to think! I had forgotten that the ovaries are also where the testosterone comes from. Not only did they take my girly bits, they also removed my balls! My chutspa, my mojo, my strength and straight-up, forward nature were gone, in the blink of an eye.

Add to that, the fact that I can't do any form of HRT until at least three weeks after the surgery, on the off chance that any small part of the endo may have been left behind. We need to make sure that my body is completely clear of the hormones it feeds on so it dies off all the way before we start any process that might feed it and cause it to grow again. So we're starving the endo to death, just in case, and the power surges are already here, making themselves known.

So all told, I was and am feeling and being more girly than I've ever been before in my entire life.

That's why I say, that they took my balls, and now I'm a girl. I sure do miss my testosterone! *sighs wistfully*

Moving Right Along

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Sun, 16 May 2010 08:38:00 +0000

Yes, I know I'm a bad, bad blogger and you've missed me. *wry smile* Now that we have that over with, let's move on, shall we?

Things have been really crazy as of late (like when aren't they these days?), and I have quite honestly had no time but for the most basic of essentials; food, sleep, work, and a little socializing.

I made a very hard decision, and I labored over it for a very long time before I was able to decide what I felt needed to be done for the best of all parties involved. It's not something I care to share with the world, but if you know me well, you know of what I am writing.

While I was making that decision, my lease came up on my apartment, and it was time to move, just after I started two new freelance jobs. In all of that craziness, I ran into an old friend at the library who offered to help me pack for my move, and we reconnected in a way that I never thought possible. I finally have a truly stong and capable man in my life. One who is fully and completely my equal, and I love him dearly. At the time of this writing, we have been together for a little over 3 months and can see no end to our mutual devotion. He has helped me through many tribulations in the short time we have shared.

We're now in the final stages of finding a new place to live (the final, mutual decision comes this Monday), and we hope to be moved in by the 23rd of this month or earlier.

The reason for the odd move-in date is that this coming Friday, I have an appointment with the surgery team that will be assisting at the hospital when I have my hysterectomy on the 24th. After the 23rd, I will be unable to assist with moving in any way, shape, or form for at least 6 weeks. Some women who have had the procedure themselves, have said that the healing process can last for as much as 6 months before I am fully back to my current activity levels.

I'll likely be blogging a a lot more often after the 24th, if for no other reason than the fact that I won't be able to do much but lie in bed propped up on some pillows and recouperate, trying to entertain myself on my laptop for quite some time. Trying to look on the bright side, always. *weak smile*

I am sad, excited, happy, nervous, and terrified all at the same time. A page has turned in the story of my life, and a new chapter has begun.

The Passing of a Friend: Rajean Franzman (Capler)

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 17:55:00 +0000

My dear friend Rajean Franzman (Capler) has passed on to the next world, leaving her mortal shell behind. She was a devoted wife, a loving mother, and as I knew her best, a fantastic friend.

Always there for her friends and family, her strength of will and powerful spirit bolstered her through even the toughest times, and she often shared that strength with those she held close.

There is so much to remember, so many tales that could be told, that there is nothing that can be said that would even come close to properly honoring the amazing woman that we have lost.

Take a moment now to tell your friends and family how much they mean to you. You never know when it might be too late.

Rajean, you will be sorely missed by the many whose lives you touched. We will never forget you.

Justice!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 06:32:00 +0000

5 years in prison, no chance of probation, mandatory SATOP classes, and mandatory sex offender registration for life...And a finding of guilty of a federal offense, effectively taking away the right to ever own a gun, vote, or hold a really good job.

That's what the predator who molested my daughter got as his sentence today at court. Clifton Everett Junkins III went straight from the courtroom to Greene county jail and is sitting there now, waiting for transport to prison.

*smile*

I got to stand up and read a statement that I had painstakingly prepared over the days prior, and the prosecutor said that it really helped to get the most severe sentence possible.

I've spent my entire life thinking that sexual predators only ever got a smack on the hand and set free. I've always thought that the state could not be trusted to put away dangerous criminals, but finally, one of these sick bastards is being put away.

Finally, justice is served!

I can only hope that the work I and the state prosecutor did, pays off in the security of the children who are now safe from just one of the many real monsters of this world.

Life is good.

Today

noreply@blogger.com (Whimspiration) — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 16:30:00 +0000

Well, today's the day. The sentencing hearing for the man who molested my daughter. May he get just punishment for his crimes.