shannonigans

This Week in Gratitude

Mr Lady — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 21:54:29 +0000

The first time I saw my kids' father, he was sitting in the solarium at a Bennigan's in suburban Denver, where I worked and he was about to. I will never forget that moment - the clothes he was wearing, the jewelry around his neck, the angle at which he leaned in his seat, and the way my ovaries lept out of my abdomen and tried to drag him back inside with them. It wasn't attraction, it wasn't nerves, it was my 20 year old body saying MAKE BABIES WITH THAT NOW. It took him a really...

*This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

Remember books? Remember Saturday morning cartoons? Remember when @busydadblog blogged?

Mr Lady — Sat, 01 Jun 2013 17:19:17 +0000

Print isn't dead, and neither are Saturday morning cartoons. Well, maybe they are dead, but that isn't stopping them. (She's reading the Walking Dead graphic novels, and yes, she's pointing to the word 'shit'. I'll take that Mother of the Year award now.) *This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

*This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

Summer Vacation, Day Six

Mr Lady — Thu, 30 May 2013 05:00:52 +0000

Maaaa-wwwm, my brother just threatened to kill me with my favorite snaaaa-aack. ... ... ... Author's note: Help me? *This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

*This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

Simple

Mr Lady — Wed, 29 May 2013 17:09:36 +0000

My daughter and I laid in bed this morning, talking over a snuggle. She'd had a really bad dream, so I had her give it to me so she could be done with it. After she gave me her dream, she decided this was probably a good time to figure out this whole human sexuality thing. Because Wednesday. Mom, do you know anyone who is gay?Sure do, honey. We have lots of family friends that are gay, and your Auntie C and Auntie M? Your cousins' moms? in case you hadn't noticed, they're both...

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This Week In Gratitude

Mr Lady — Sat, 25 May 2013 00:22:45 +0000

Only a minute ago she was walking into her first day of first grade, and now this. She came home from her last day of school today and I squeeled OOOOH! A SECOND GRADER IN MY HOUSE! and she rolled her eyes at me in that way children do when they are faking annoyance at your utter uncoolness because they can't let you know how much it means to them that you're still so into them that you can't help but squee all over them. Pro tip: I dont actually think that particular eyeroll ever...

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Is Too a Word

Mr Lady — Thu, 23 May 2013 05:38:20 +0000

This post is sponsored by Clorox® Ick-tionary. Just FYI for the FTC. My kids' last day of school is today and I really can't even wrap my head around the fact that this year has already ended. I mean, we JUST moved here before the school year had started and if the school year is over, that means that I like OFFICIALLY live in Arizona or something, doesn't it? Even my seven year old daughter remarked that this year went by really fast, and nothing at all ever goes by really fast for...

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Youth - In Like a Lion, Out Like Me at 8:30 On a Weeknight.

Mr Lady — Sun, 19 May 2013 07:28:08 +0000

It has been three whole days since Star Trek Into Darkness was released in the theaters and I still haven't gone to see it. I don't even know who I am anymore. I was actually awake at midnight when it premiered, and I kept glancing back and forth from my kids' doors to the clock on the wall, back to the kids' doors, back to the clock, and I eventually just realized that maybe it's time to get a grown-up wall clock. I don't even know why the hell I was up that late; I was probably...

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Wordless Whatever the Hell Day It Is

Mr Lady — Fri, 17 May 2013 07:18:45 +0000

Offered without comment, mostly because I can't even, but partly because I thought today was Wednesday. That, my friends, is calling winning. My 13 year old. And his *girlfriend* ::hums tunes from Fiddler on the Roof, pretends this isn't happening:: *This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

*This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

Me More Than You

Mr Lady — Wed, 15 May 2013 06:12:09 +0000

I started working from home about six years ago, after I moved to Canada and got everything I ever asked for. Everything I ever asked for was, of course, to be able to stay home full time with my kids (and not totally suffer for it - I did in fact stay home full time with my sons and we ate sogoddamnmuch Kraft dinner and it was worth every bite). IN Canada, I actually wasn't allowed to work. Visas are weird. So is being a full time stay at home mom in a new country where you...

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I Think There May Have Been a Reason I Didn't Celebrate Holidays Growing Up

Mr Lady — Tue, 14 May 2013 05:11:33 +0000

So I took myself out to lunch and then a mani/pedi for Mother's Day because if you want something done right, don't breed with an alcoholic who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Aside right here in the main content aside: Mani/Pedi just sounds harsh in the singular, don't you think? Like sewing, or words, mani/pedis should happen with friends. Particularly this one. She was the best mani/pedi-mate of all time, and I hate Indiana and Arizona for breaking up our very emo, feathery,...

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This Week in Gratitude

Mr Lady — Sun, 12 May 2013 19:12:48 +0000

After barely-squeaking through a week of being too sick to do much more than work and sleep - and neither of those things to any real degree of effectiveness - i have never been more grateful than I am right now for Platex Purple Plastic Dish Gloves. I try to keep the a/c off as much as possible when the kids aren't home, because (like pimpin') a/c ain't easy. When my March electric bill, with no ramp up or warning or anything, leaps straight for the clitoris and exactly doubles...

*This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

How to Make the Perfect Ham and Cheese Omelette in 10 Easy Steps

Mr Lady — Thu, 09 May 2013 16:44:01 +0000

Step one: Give hives. Get, like, covered in hives, all over your entire body, head to toe. Step two: Pay particular attention to your chest and calf hives, make sure they get good and inflammed. Step three: Wait two weeks Step four: Go to urgent care, but only after you're pretty sure one of your lesser-used internal organs has exploded. Step five: Get prescribed 120 mg of prednasone a day. Step six: OVERTHINK EVERYFUCKINGTHING Step seven: Decide you want an omelette. And some...

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$100 and Counting

Mr Lady — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 03:46:51 +0000

I started this post on March 3rd. Something distracted me 3/4 of the way through writing it - the dishes, or a kid needing a hug or some water, most likely some shiny soft-core squirrels on the internet. Rule 34 is the best rule since, like, gravity n' stuff. Anyway, as of March 3rd, my daughter didn't have so much as one wiggly tooth. She is seven and a half. And I was completely freaking out. She was 14 or 15 months or something when she got her first tooth (I can't remember, she was...

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Reason You Shouldn't Be Internet Friends With Young Children, the "I Learned It By Watching You, Mom" Edition

Mr Lady — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 14:15:29 +0000

And then TXU walked out of the bathroom and said, "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone - The Toilet Paper Edition." *This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

*This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

Lice Don't Project, They Jump. Right?

Mr Lady — Sat, 30 Mar 2013 14:17:24 +0000

When I was a little girl, I had hair past my knees - and I don't mean just hair, I mean HAIR. I mean hair you couldn't wrap a pony tail holder twice around. I mean hair that took all night to dry. I mean hair that kept me out of foster care because it made up 6/10 of my pathetic, starving body weight. I could get out of the shower, comb my hair out, and walk out of the bathroom completely naked, because I was Cousin It with calves. Or Samara, if you're under 25.... *This is a teaser, because...

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My Little Brony

Mr Lady — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 05:01:38 +0000

My son came home today with a scratch on his back. It wasn't anything major, big enough to need some peroxide and Bactine, and the peroxide bubbled a little bit, but not enough for much more than a Pacman bandaid and a kiss. Had my son came home with that exact same scratch on his neck and had said it came from a boy, I would have been on the phone with the school and that boy's parents quicker than you can say helicopter parent (and with good reason, I think. See: choking...

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Lucky Number 13

Mr Lady — Sat, 16 Mar 2013 05:31:26 +0000

Shitty Mother's Note: His birthday was on the 14th. In a week, I'll erase this editor's note and we'll all pretend like I got his post up on time. Deal? DEAL. Last night your sister - with tears in her big, green eyes - said to me, "Mom, I don't want two teenaged boys in the house" and I said something to the effect of "tough shit, kid, because you're going to wake up tomorrow with exactly that. But I don't think even I believed it would actually happen. Your aunt Sheryl and I talked...

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I'm Giving Away the 2nd Sexiest Thing in This Post

Mr Lady — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 18:34:35 +0000

When you have a boyfriend giggle who deems live, angry, North Carolinian bass fish as perfectly acceptable arm and wrist accessories you come to appreciate the value of a decent soap pump. Show me your smelliest pictures and stories here for a chance to win a simplehuman sensor pump with soap that doesn't smell like a lagoon and sweat. Click here to enter.... Almost as sexy as boyfriend giggle. Almost. *This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

*This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

Beware the Ice Cream Shop Fundraisers of March

Mr Lady — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 04:53:01 +0000

Two spring concerts for two kids in 24 hours = two nights of the-school-gets-20%-of-sales-froyo for dinner. Sketchy business, this week before spring break. *This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

*This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

R is for Reason. Let's Show We Have Some.

Mr Lady — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 20:19:51 +0000

*This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.

*This is a teaser, because scrapers suck. Player/game.