whitney's whimseys

easy and amazing homemade bubbles

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 22:59:00 +0000

i've posted these in a really old blog entry, but i've had so many friends ask me about them again that i thought i might as well repost it.

after i tried a batch of this mix, i haven't gone back to buying bubbles from the store. as long as you have a great selection of bubble wands (or even just one), you're set. they sell packs of bubble wands at the dollar tree. you can even store it in old bubble containers. the great thing about this recipe is that the bubbles are easy for little ones to blow out of the bubble wands by themselves. they don't "pop" like normal store-bought ones do.

2 cups of water
1/2 cup dishwashing liquid (dawn, palmolive, etc.)
2 ts sugar

stir until dissolved.

blow away.

Sold

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 16:23:00 +0000

MAY 13, 2008 - AUGUST 31, 2011. it's finally over. WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

whitney's homemade pizza dough

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 18:48:00 +0000

i've spent years trying to find a homemade pizza dough that, after the first bite, didn't make me wonder why i didn't just order out. it's really hard to compete with domino's because, well, they're dominos.

once i figured out some ratios and took some of this from one recipe and some of that from another recipe, i think i've finally found a crust that slices my pepperoni.

here we go:

whitney's homemade pizza dough (printable recipe)

1 small pack of instant yeast - active dry (.25 oz)
1 ts brown sugar
1 1/2 cups warm water (120 degrees)
1/2 heaping ts salt (kosher salt)
1 ts garlic salt
2 ts garlic powder
1 ts oregano
1 ts italian seasonings
2 TB olive oil
3 1/2 cups sifted bread flour (plus another 1/2 cup just in case)

to make the dough you can use a kitchenaid mixer like i do, or you can use the old fashioned method of just kneading with the hands God put on the end of your arms. just make sure you've been working out, and that you have the resolve to stand in one spot and do the same exact thing over and over for 15-20 minutes. amen.

in a kitchenaid mixer, soak yeast and brown sugar in the 1 1/2 cups of warm water for 10 minutes. make sure your water isn't too hot because it will kill the yeast. as it proofs, it should start foaming. if it doesn't foam, you have bad yeast. go back to start, buy new yeast, and collect $200. after the 10 minutes of proofing, add in the garlic powder, seasonings, salt, and olive oil. mix it up. let it sit for another 5-10 minutes. it will smell really strong.

turn on the mixer (with dough hook attached) to "stir" setting. add in 1/2 cup of flour at a time. you'll need to safely scrape down the sides and the bottom to incorporate the flour. once you've put in all 3 1/2 cups, move the setting to "2" to get it all blended together. at this point, you're going to have to go with your instincts as to how much more of the extra flour you'll need to add in.

this part is critical. you want your dough sticky, but not to where it won't come off your hands without soap and water. again, if you add in too much flour, your dough will be dense and tough. we want light and fluffy. so remember, you want tacky, not sticky. here's a great photo explanation.

turn the mixer to "4" and let it knead the dough for 8-10 minutes. there should be a tiny bit of dough that is still stuck down in the middle of the bowl at the bottom as it kneads. i would say about an inch in diameter. this means we haven't added too much flour. you'll know it's ready if you pinch some off and it feels like an earlobe.

after kneading, squirt some olive oil on the dough, and pull it up and around to get it all coated so it won't stick to your bowl. cover it with a couple of thick kitchen towels and place it in a warm, non-drafty place to rise for around an hour (if you're in a different climate, just watch for it to be almost doubled in size).

to see if it's done rising, poke it. if your indentation remains and doesn't spring back at you, then it's ready. if it DOES spring back, let it sit for another 30 minutes or so and test again.

turn it out onto your counter or your lovely new pastry mat your wonderful husband bought you for mother's day.

i get the above sized pizza crust, as well as the large deep dish rectangular crust in the top photo from this one recipe. if i'm just making one pizza, i'll cut the dough in half. wrap it really well with saran wrap. wrap foil over the saran wrap, and freeze it in a freezer bag for a few months. just let it thaw in the fridge, and then do the rising process again.

roll it out (i pull mine). try not to over handle or press on it more than you need. remember, the dough will puff while cooking, so you might want to make it thinner than you think.

coat your entire baking sheet in oil to get a nice crisp crust. i like mixing garlic powder, parmesan cheese (shaker kind), with parkay (better consistency for this), and then brushing the crust edges with the garlic butter.

once your dough is rolled out, let it rest for 5 minutes. drizzle olive oil all over the pizza and brush it to coat lightly. top with your favorite toppings. in the next few days, i'll be posting my alfredo pesto pizza recipe. my heavens, i think reed almost cried when he took the first bite. yummy.

as a rule of thumb, i always top my crust with 6 or so ripped up slices of provolone cheese. i put my sauces on top of the provolone. it acts as a barrier so that the crust doesn't get soggy.

bake (with toppings) in a preheated 425 degree oven for 15-20 minutes.

squash bugs bug my squash

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 02:34:00 +0000

these...

turn into these...

photo not mine (thank you random google photo) because i freaked out and jumped when i saw my adult squash bug. this is coming from a woman that kills flies with her hands and doesn't jump in a chair when she sees mice. this thing freaked me out. amen.

which turns these...

into these...

i think i'll go eat some cheetos and cry in my dark closet now.

in the blink of an eye

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 19:43:00 +0000

do you ever go through a season of life when every thought or circumstance is colored by reflection and sentiment? then you well up with tears and think, "is it possible i'm going through menopause at 34?"

i feel like i can't even sit across from reed during our every-day-6 o'clock-dinner table without having a flashback memory to the first time we had dinner at our first dining table we bought at our first apartment in nashville. the quietness. the excitement of knowing we found each other.

i can't clean a closet without finding a tiny pair of baby socks and being rushed back to the moments in our attic bedroom when strohm was 3 weeks old. middle of the night feedings. reed would help me change his diaper. we were like a diaper changing pit crew. i'd make sure those socks were snugged up tight so he wouldn't have the tiniest discomfort. then i would lay his body in his little tiny bassinet next to my bed and listen to him fall asleep.

maybe it's because i'm realizing how time is slipping through my hands. sure, there are days that it drags on and on...when i feel like if i hear, "mom! mom! mom!" once more or have to clean up a full bowl of rice that just got dumped on the newly mopped kitchen floor that i'm on the brink of committing myself to the nearest state hospital.

in spite of those moments, my heart is pensive. is it because strohm will be starting a two-day preschool in the fall? is it because i feel like i'm living somewhere between the past and the future because this blasted nashville house being on the market for three years has us in the worst state of limbo our hearts have ever experienced?

is it because i'm watching my sister as her first born is entering into her senior year and knowing her heart is aching for time to stop slipping?

i'm overcome with emotion thinking about kaitlin growing up and leaving home for college. my heart hurts for my sister because i can't imagine the conundrum she and dane are experiencing; you raise them to leave. they've done their job. they've done it well. that little girl is an amazing young woman (as are you, kiley). she's full of life, love, emotion, and compassion. terribly intelligent but wonderfully gullible. in a little while, she'll fly away. yes, she'll come back home, but the leaving makes home so different for those that stay.

so i'm trying to soak it up. i'm trying to stay in the moment as much as i can. to let some things go and just enjoy my baby boys because one day, they won't do things like this anymore.

"there is always a moment in childhood when the door opens and let's the future in." graham green

spinach basil pesto

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Thu, 26 May 2011 03:21:00 +0000

we recently hosted a couple's baby shower for some friends, and i was wanting to add one more pasta dish to the occasion. i immediately thought, "pesto pasta!"

this pesto is so easy to make, especially if you have some type of food processor or powerful blender. i've never made it with a blender, so i can't say if it actually does the trick? in case you have neither, and you've got some amazingly sharp knives, here's a lesson on how to do it by hand.

whenever i cook, i try to double or triple and then freeze. it helps when you have a 6'7" husband, and two little piglets at the trough every night crying, "dinner pime! dinner pime!" the boys love this pesto, and they have no idea that it has tons of veggies. on a side note, strohm popped one of our first ripened grape tomatoes from our garden into his mouth to try. what followed was gagging and hacking. "that tomatoez justz make me frow up." amen.

you could half this recipe, and have plenty to freeze. i just go a little overboard and end up only having to make it about once every 3-4 months. also, most pestos have pine nuts instead of the almonds that i like to use. "why do you use almonds instead of pine nuts," you ask? pine nuts are $18.99/lb. almonds are $4/1 cup. amen.

pesto freezes wonderfully. i love having a large gallon bag full in the freezer because if you have unexpected company, you can just boil the bag and and pasta (in the same water), and voila, you have a great dinner in a pinch. i use sandwich bags for individual servings.

if you just want a quick meal for one, take the sandwich bag out, lay it on your counter to defrost. once you've boiled your pasta, squeeze the pesto into the bottom of a bowl, and then put the hot noodles on top. the noodles will heat the pesto up, and just toss to coat.

here we go:

whitney's spinach basil pesto (printable recipe)

3 cups of spinach leaves
1 1/2 cups fresh basil
1 cup toasted almonds
1 cup grated parmesan
4-6 cloves of roughly chopped garlic
1 1/2 ts salt
1 ts ground pepper
juice from two large lemons (or three medium lemons)
the zest from both lemons (the microplane is your best friend)
1 cup of olive oil

toast the almonds on medium in a small skillet for about 10 minutes. dump all of the ingredients into the food processor except the oil. only add in about 1/3 cup at the beginning. pulse until nearly smooth. then pour in the rest of the olive oil while processing. blend until combined. you'll have to stop and scrape down the sides a few times to make sure it's all incorporated.

i love using it on pasta, homemade pizza with buffalo mozzarella and tomatoes or provolone and an alfredo sauce as the base. it's great on top of grilled chicken and steamed veggies. i know i just posted a sautéed spinach recipe....but let me tell you...this pesto is fantastic added to sautéed spinach. swoon.

a good pesto is like a good pair of shoes. it goes with almost everything in your kitchen.

fruits of our labor

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Sat, 21 May 2011 19:07:00 +0000

it's getting exciting in the carlstone's garden. i love walking out every day to see what's bloomed overnight. it's been interesting to go through this laboring, weeding, watering, nurturing, and waiting season...and then suddenly, it seems there is growth.

grape tomatoes in full force

cannas...they always remind me of my granddad

peonies...they remind me of reed's mimi

i had some extra space by our gate, so logically (ha), i put in a squash plant

i planted bell peppers by our alley near the gas meter...i know i'm strange, but they're growing! if anyone knows what the black spots are, do tell!

spaghetti squash vine

one of the things i'm most excited about...green zebra heirloom tomatoes

pole beans and bush beans

reed made me some fantastic wigwams for the pole beans to climb

some garlic took, some didn't. i'll replant more later in hopes to have some most of the summer

shallots

i had more onion bulbs, so logically, i pulled up struggling bushes and planted them instead. ha.

we're so excited to see how things are turning out...now if only i can find my pellet gun to keep the birds away. bang! bang!

whitney's sautéed spinach

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Mon, 16 May 2011 22:10:00 +0000

i hate this picture, but it's all i've got. *sigh*

i'm wishing i planted spinach in my garden with how much i've been craving it. i love it on burgers because it just makes the burger so much healthier. i love it for salads, but my favorite is when it's sautéed.

whitney's sautéed spinach (printable recipe)

ingredients:

2 TB butter
2 TB olive oil
3-4 large cloves of garlic, minced
1 onion, sliced thinly
1-2 tomatoes, seeded and diced
1 small pack of mushrooms, chopped (or larger if you're a fan - i'm a fan because reed likes them, and i like him)
1/4-1/2 cup white wine (or chicken broth)
2 large bags of spinach
1 palmful of capers
1/2 cup parmesan cheese
salt and pepper to taste

you'll need a large dutch oven style pan. add the 2 TB of butter and the 2 TB of oil and heat on medium to high heat. when the oil and butter are hot, add the onions and sprinkle on a little bit of salt and pepper. i like to cook my onions quite a bit. sauté for about 10-12 minutes and then add the garlic.

after a couple of minutes, add the tomatoes and mushrooms. salt and pepper lightly. we'll be adding the capers, and they are going to provide a lot of salt content. you can always add but you just can't take away. cook for another 6-8 minutes until the mushrooms and tomatoes are softened. the mushrooms will absorb the moisture and flavors in the pan.

at this point, we're going to pour in the wine and turn the heat up to high to get the wine boiling. after it is brought to a mild boil, turn the heat to medium high and let it reduce down for about 5-7 minutes. you don't want the spinach runny, so this will help thicken up the wet ingredients and add more of a flavor punch.

it's time for the spinach. spinach will shock you. you think you have this big huge bag and it'll be plenty, and then you put it in your pan and cook it and it's enough to feed a worm that just ate. if you're feeding more than a few people, then just add another bag.

add the spinach. only a little bit will fit at a time. pull the mushroom and tomato mixture up and around and incorporate the spinach to get it to begin wilting. once all of the spinach is wilted, toss in a palmful (or two) of capers. cook for a couple of minutes and then salt and pepper to taste. use a slotted spoon to serve so you can keep the majority of the liquid off of the plate. after plating, sprinkle on some parmesan cheese.

eat, enjoy, and pray you have a husband that will help you do the dishes.

my favorite marinade for summer grilled chicken

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Mon, 09 May 2011 00:34:00 +0000

i love grilling. i'm not sure if it's just because it changes my normal standing-at-the-stove environment, or if it's the easier clean up. i'm not a recipe follower, so i oftentimes make things up as i go...which is exactly how i birthed this marinade. birthed. now that's a great word choice to begin speaking about marinating raw slimy chicken. i'm sure everyone is starving now.

moving on.

marinades need certain things for success: salt, acid, base, seasoning, and time.

salt will tenderize the meat. you can get the salt content from soy sauce, italian dressing, or just plain ol' salt. i always use kosher salt. it's larger, flakier, has no iodine (like table salt), and it's not as potent as table salt. it sticks better. it's kinder to the palate. well, it is to mine, at least.

acids help break down the connective tissue. this will help your chicken be less chewy and dry...more of a melt-in-your-mouth than a wear-your-jaw-out-and-crack-a-tooth experience. great acid choices are citrus, vinegar, and wine. if you have any left.

bases of marinades kind of hold the thing together and evenly coat the chicken while not being an overwhelming ingredient. types of bases are oils, chicken and beef broths, buttermilk, yogurt, and ranch dressing.

seasonings will provide seasonings. i'm so glad i could explain that for you. my favorites to use are any fresh herbs i have on hand (or dry if no fresh), garlic, onion, mustard, horseradish, montreal steak seasoning, bell peppers...the list could go on and on.

even if i don't have time to make an actual marinade, i always stick my chicken in yogurt or buttermilk for several hours prior to grilling. there's a huge difference even with this one step. it doesn't flavor the meat per se, but it makes it more moist and tender. if you don't have any buttermilk, you can make your own sour milk which is a great substitute. mix 1 cup of milk with 1 TB of white vinegar and let it sit for 10 minutes. voila!

moving on.

i'm going to include measurements even tho' i usually just wing it. this is for all of you non-wing-its.

whitney's rosemary chicken (printable recipe)

ingredients:

1/2 cup of oil
3/4 cup - 1 cup of hidden valley ranch (use the real stuff. trust me. it's important in this marinade)!
3 counts of worcestershire (yes, while pouring count to three. it'll be about 3 TBs)
2 heaping TB of fresh, chopped rosemary
1 ts salt
1/2 ts pepper
1 ts vinegar
1 small sliced onion
4-6 cloves of chopped garlic (a heaping TB)
1 ts course ground mustard (or the yellow stuff)
1 ts montreal steak seasoning (or not)
1 ts lemon juice (i didn't have lemon handy today. if you're missing something just pretend you put it in)

dump all of the above ingredients in a bowl. stir to combine.

make sure your boneless, skinless chicken breasts (4-6) are pounded to a consistent thickness so they'll cook evenly. i like mine to be 3/4 inch thick. i like to cut thin and shallow strips into the chicken to aid in the chicken absorbing more of the marinade.

put the trimmed up chicken breasts in a large freezer bag. pour the marinade into the bag. smush the marinade all around and coat the chicken. put the bag in a pyrex dish lest it somehow seep all over your refrigerator. it's best to marinate for at LEAST an hour, but the longer you marinate, the more robust your flavor will be. 4-6 hours is great for this recipe. overnight is ideal. flip the chicken in the bag over halfway thru and smush again.

side note: you can freeze the chicken in the marinade for up to two weeks. thaw it in the fridge overnight. let it soak up the marinade for 6+ hours (once thawed).

when you strike up your grill (oil your grates when cold and before you fire it up), you'll want to pull the chicken out of the fridge and bring it to room temperature. i know that sounds awfully odd, but it's important not to go straight from the fridge to the grill, or you'll end up with unevenly cooked meat. let it sit out for 15-20 minutes on your counter.

first and foremost, sear the chicken. start out by placing them on burners turned to medium high heat at a 45 degree angle to the grates. after 2 minutes, rotate the chicken 45 degrees to get the pretty little crosshatch grill marks and grill for another 2 minutes. flip the chicken and do the same on the other side (sear for 2 minutes, then rotate and sear for another 2 minutes). once i have my grill marks, i turn the burners to medium close the lid, and let it grill for 4-5 more minutes. chicken is done at 160 degrees, but try your best to not poke it or cut into it. you'll lose all of those beloved juices that you worked so hard to create with your marinade. your total cooking time will be around 12 minutes.

let your chicken rest for at least 10 minutes covered with foil. this will allow the chicken to redistribute the juices so that once you cut into it, the juices have been absorbed and they won't run out all over your plate. you can keep them in a warm oven.

another tip is to not ever use your marinade to baste with unless you have boiled it for at least 10 minutes on the stove to kill of the bacteria. or you could NOT boil the marinade and then end up writhing on your bathroom floor at 1 a.m. it's a toss up.

you could use this marinade for baking chicken if you don't want to grill, as well. bake uncovered at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes. let it rest for 10 minutes. this marinade is great for marinating veggies, as well.

i've used this chicken for salads, sandwiches, on top of pastas, and for wraps. tonight our sides were roasted potatoes and sauteed spinach. the spinach was a huge hit. i'll post the recipe soon.

leave a comment if you have any questions or suggestions!

it's easter. Jesus rose. the bunny came. strohm's sick.

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 00:39:00 +0000

shep has been sick all week, and we were at the doctor's yesterday morning. he seemed fine yesterday, and this morning after a successful easter bunny basket discovery, we decided to set off for church.

strohm was sleepy on the way to church, which was understandable being that the service was at 11:30 a.m., and that's close to nap time. sure enough, right when the pastor was saying the prayer at the end of the service, our nursery beeper shouted out loud, "BUZZ! COME GET YOUR CHILD! BUZZ! BUZZ!" poor strohm was whimpering and feverish. on the way home, he discarded his tummy contents into the thank the Lord i put that there throw up bag. don't leave home without it.

we cuddled, slurped chicken minus the chicken noodle soup, nibbled on jello, nursed sprite. the entire afternoon was full of how did i get here moments. i swear it was just yesterday that my mom was putting me in my special sick spot, their bed, and was bringing me popsicles, letting me watch tv, and making sure my wet wash rag was always cool.

after a few more sickies and some time of rest, he had an upswing. so we upswang with some bubble making and egg hunting.

we ran out of bubble juice, so i found a quick recipe, and it was the best bubble juice we've ever enjoyed.

2 cups of water
1/2 cup dishwashing soap (palmolive, dawn, etc.)
2 teaspoons of sugar

i'm sure i won't ever need to buy bubbles from the store again. this concoction killed it. the bubbles were huge. big. they floated forever.

i love that summer is around the corner. i love this time of year with my boys. we're warm weather freaks. there's a different aura in the house when it's warm outside.

but...suddenly, our upswing swang down, and we had a sick little boy on our hands. i'm just thankful that he got to enjoy some part of easter. feel better, little strohm.

this morning, i was thinking about how Jesus came to heal the sick and save the sinners. of course, the logical conclusion is that my little boy is sick, but what's been churning in my heart is how sick we all are...how sick i am. how dark my heart is in the places that only He can see. how many times i've cussed Him out - the God that sent His Son to save me - i pick a bone with Him so often that He should've split me in two like a tree hit by lightning.

where would i be without Him? where i am WITH Him is not where i want to be, if i'm honest. this easter was less about having a nice food spread, a wonderful time with extended family, and basking in His presence, as it was being reminded how sick we all are. and how badly we all need Him.

i'm in a sort of states. i need a spiritual makeover because what i've been wearing ain't looking good anymore.

thank GOD i have somewhere to turn. someone to wash me clean, wipe my tears, and set my heart right because i am so sick and tired.

He didn't die for me to live sick and tired.

“It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” mark 2:17.

homemade compost bin

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 19:12:00 +0000

my handyman successfully made us a compost bin out of discarded flat shipping pallets he found in a trash heap. i think he did a pretty dandy job on it, myself. all he needed was chicken wire, the pallets, nails, screws, hinges, L brackets, hook-eye closure, and his sawzall. we'll now have our own stash of organic compost to put on our vegetables and plants.

the free flat pallets

the flat pallets are a great option for composting because they are free. you can find these suckers at any large warehouse facility. you can search craigslist for them. a lot of people will give them away just so they don't have to dispose of them. also, they have air between the slats, which is good for the materials as they break down.

make sure when you're building your bin that you have your blackberry on your favorite pandora music station for your listening enjoyment.

he put a pallet in the bottom to create air circulation to increase composting productivity

reed put a hinge on the front of the pallet, so it's like a gate door. the reason is for ease to get the bottom part of the compost without having to dig through the top of the pile, which is in the beginning process. the good stuff is on the bottom.

he added chicken wire to keep the easter bunny at bay

when starting your pile,
add in 6 inches of leaves, grass clippings, shredded paper, newspaper, coffee grounds, tea leaves, etc. then put a 3-6 inch layer of organic soil. for your next layer, you'll want green clippings from house plants, pruned bushes, green grass, and so on. spray each layer down. don't soak it, just wet it.

you need to have a ratio between brown and green because if you have too many brown clippings, it'll take forever to break down. if you have too many green clippings, your pile will turn slimy and yucky. repeat these layers until you have about 3 feet depth at least. the soil will boost the quickness of the composting.

you'll want to keep your compost damp, so on hot summer days, spray it down before you turn your layers in from the outside, but don't soak it. if you top it with a loose black tarp-like material, the heat from the sun will do wonders for breaking things down. turn your pile once every two weeks.

pretty little compost material

we won't be using any kitchen scraps in our bin because we don't want to attract nasty little critters anymore than we already will. i'm still trying to drum up a kitchen composting bin that has a filter. i'd hate to lose out on all of our good scraps. if anyone has any experience with kitchen scrap composting, let me know.

here is my handsome handy man in action.

homemade burger buns

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 20:12:00 +0000

i've been so tired of getting sandwich and burger buns from the grocery because they just don't taste fresh. we grill a lot of chicken and burgers, and pack a lot of picnics at this house during the summer. i was determined to find a recipe that would fit the bill.

i found this recipe in the oddest of places. the king arthur flour website. i was highly doubtful that it would butter my bread because, to me, that's like making a recipe off the back of the campbell's soup can. it's just not the first place i'd look for a fantastic meal idea.

the thing that kept me coming back to it were its reviews, and i'm so glad i chose this one. i'm thinking it just might be the winner.

if the loud trash truck that is banging on the bulk trash in my alley wakes my kids up right now, i'm going to have to go eat another one of these sandwich buns while i cry in the corner.

back to the recipe. it seemed fairly simple, except a couple of things weren't clear, so i'll clear it up for you and add some changes.

HOMEMADE BURGER BUNS (printable recipe)

ingredients

3/4-1 cup lukewarm water (120-130 fahrenheit)
2 TB butter (room temperature)
1 large egg (preferably room temperature)
3 1/2 cups bread flour (or all-purpose)
1/4 cup sugar
1 1/2 ts salt (kosher salt all the way, baby)
1 TB instant yeast (i used "rapid rise" yeast and needed a little over 1 packet to reach a full TB)

here we go

sift all dry ingredients together in a kitchenaid mixer bowl (or just stir quickly with a whisk. ha) including yeast.

using your dough hook attachment, turn mixer on "stir" add in egg (whisk it a bit first) and butter to the dry ingredients. make sure it's all fairly combined.

now add in (slowly, while scraping down sides of bowl) the lukewarm water (120-130 degrees fahrenheit). when it's all combined (only add in the 3/4 cup water first), put the mixer on #2 to knead. if it seems like it's not coming together enough, feel free to add in the last 1/4 cup of lukewarm water.

you'll want the dough to not stick to the sides of the bowl, but you'll still want the texture to be a tiny bit sticky (this means you haven't added too much flour, which is what you don't want to do because it will make the bread dense and tough). knead for 6-8 minutes until the dough looks nice, soft and pretty. if you pinch some of it off, and it feels like an earlobe, you're done kneading.

because we're using rapid rise yeast, you'll want to let the dough rest for 10 minutes at this point so the gluten can get married. just go fold another load of laundry or pop another bon bon and come back.

after 10 minutes of resting, form the dough into a ball shape. rub with olive oil, cover and place in a non-drafty spot (not directly on the cold granite) to rise. it will take around an hour to double in size (depending on your location).

after it's doubled, punch it down (literally), and place on a floured cutting board. cut into 8 equal-sized pieces. start forming them into 1/2 inch - 1 inch thick flat rounds by just pulling and rotating. you'll want them to look like a tiny little pizza crust. place each round onto a parchment topped cookie sheet (or greased) and just push them flat. make sure to leave enough space between them because they will double in size again.

brush olive oil on top of each round of dough. put in the oven (OFF) to rise for another hour.

after they are doubled in size, brush the dough again (gently or you could lose your rise) with olive oil, softened butter, or 1 TB of water mixed with 1 egg white so you'll get a good crispy and browned top.

bake in a preheated oven at 375 degrees fahrenheit for 12-15 minutes (depending on how brown you want them).

eat them like a pig at a trough.

speaking of pigs at a trough, i made ham and cheese sandwiches last night and the bread just knocked them out of the park. they would be great for burgers, barbeque chicken, grilled chicken, chicken salad, or alone with a tub of butter.

obviously, you can make these without a dough hook and a mixer. just use your hands and knead away until it forms the correct consistency (probably about 10-12 minutes of full-on kneading). knead on a lightly floured surface. remember, too much flour makes for heavy, clunky bread!

also, after you brush lightly with the olive oil before baking, you could add minced dried onions, sesame seeds, whatever you'd like.

to clarify the bread flour versus all-purpose flour. you can definitely use AP flour, but i like using bread flour for any of my breads because it has a higher gluten count which basically means it helps it rise better, which then basically means you're going to get a lighter, fluffier bread.

after you bake these buns, you can let them cool and then freeze them for a couple of months. when you need them, defrost them on the counter (or in the fridge) and then bake them for a few more minutes at 375, or you can put them on the grill.

ENJOY!

ready, set, grow

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 16:55:00 +0000

we're finally seeing the light at the end of the long, dirt tunnel. i mean dark tunnel.

i still need to hurry up and pot a tomatillo plant, onions in a different spot, more tomatoes, and possibly pot some more yellow squash.

i'm attempting to make slips (shoots that will sprout out of the bottom) out of an old sweet potato. i just cut off the end and it's suspended in water. once the slips are several inches long, i'll just put one slip per location, and hopefully grow a sweet potato or two.

i think reed is getting frightened that my obsession might turn our entire yard and possibly house into one big garden.

when he came home and saw the sweet potato on the counter, he said, "can you tell me what's up with the science experiment in the kitchen?"

i might be getting a little bit out of hand, just don't tell reed i admitted it.

rooting and blooming

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 01:54:00 +0000

hello, little herbs.

i didn't think heavily about how long it would take me to actually start...let's not talk about finish...the planting and the plotting. things happen when you've got an almost two year old and a three year old in cohorts. boys will be boys...

i risked planting some lavender in a glass bowl. not sure if it'll take, but it'll make me happy when i'm standing in my kitchen.

even though it's taking me 24 years to get the vegetables in the ground, i'm loving the process and trying to get the boys involved as much as possible. obviously. everything is in bloom. the doors are all flung open. the curtains are billowing. the smell of jasmine is floating through the entire house.

i'm beginning to feel the confines of winter subside. i am not a winter kind of girl, and it's felt like a winter time of life for too long.

spring is helping us catch our breaths from the weight of our house being on the market for three years. i swore i wouldn't mention that our house has been on the market for three years. it might make you get sick and tired of hearing that our house has been on the market for three years (in may). have i told you our house has been on the market for three years?

i digress. let's get back to talking about how spring is helping us catch our breaths. our flowers are doing their thing.

tomorrow is the day i'll put the first plants and seeds into the ground. i'm kind of dragging my heels because i'm not excited about creating the squares. we're not doing long rows. our space fits groupings better. i dread the measuring, the dragging of the dirt, the shoveling, but i know i'll be proud of myself when, and if, we reap what i've sown, and i can put it on a plate, watch reed pat his belly, and hear strohm say, "momma, strohm boy, and shepherd put dis in duh garden, it grewz up, and we eatz dem."

i'm sure you all noticed the most important and exhilarating thing to me from the above photos. yep, you guessed it. 75% off, baby. right up my cheapskatin' organic garden growing alley. sure, they were 75% off for a reason, but i'm going to repurpose them like an old dresser and love them to fruition.

speaking of loving things to fruition.

these are the best things i've ever been given a chance to grow and nurture.

slow down, babies. slow down.

our very first garden

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 16:12:00 +0000

"what in the world have we gotten ourselves into?" is what came to mind about 20 minutes into banging on compacted soil.

we have wanted to plant an organic vegetable garden for years now. we are now wondering why we have wanted to plant an organic vegetable garden for years now. i can barely type this post because my arms are so numb from a devil named rototiller. he and i went round and round yesterday. actually, he tossed my little fanny to and fro like a kettle of corn in a popper.

the reason for our frustration? clay soil. we don't have many spots for a garden, so we had to go with the space that makes most sense: the side of the house that is the place no one goes...where we store random things we don't want in the garage. needless to say, the soil is unworked, dead, and full of clay.

one day it will be beautiful sandy soil. it will be. it must be. it has no choice.

so, we're beginners. we'll learn from our mistakes. once this week of planting is over, we'll just weed, water, weed some more, and water some more. i'll probably cry when, and if, a seed or a vegetable bursts through.

reed is building me a compost bin from free flat pallets he found discarded. we'll use leaves and grass cuttings. i'm trying to obtain a small kitchen compost pail for our organic food scraps. if you put your food into your outside compost bin, you will have some new neighbors! rats.

we found a fantastic place that is apart of the city of plano called texas pure products. they sell bulk organic compost, mulch, soil blends, yada yada. we got an entire truckload full for around $30.

our neighbor, aka the boys' third grandma, is a gardener (no vegetables, just plants, flowers, and herbs), so she has tons of gardening equipment, so the cost has been relatively low to start. we've priced out the plants, and considering how much i pay for a bag of cruddy onions and tomatoes that taste like mush, i think we'll be quite pleased once we begin reaping. we'll start earlier next year so we can use more seeds.

we're planting tomatoes (green zebra, beefsteak, grape, brandywine), red potatoes, white potatoes, onions, garlic chives, peppers, spaghetti squash, carrots, runner (pole) beans, lettuce, and garlic. for herbs, i'm planting (in pots) cilantro, flat leaf parsley, basil, dill, oregano, and lemon thyme. if we have some room, we'll pop some watermelons in the ground.

i am loving the aspect of planting our own food. it has brought up a lot of memories of my granddad at his cotton farm...thinking about all of those years that he tilled the soil, worked his land, and produced cotton. he would sit me out with a bucket in a row, and i would pick cotton (ouch). i really thought deep down that i was helping him. now i know he was just trying to keep me in one place and focused. i would try to pluck as much as i could...in my heart of hearts, i swore i was lightening his load. it's made me miss him terribly.

i can't wait to make memories with the boys. speaking of the boys, the third grandma has an extra gate she's letting us have so we can keep our own versions of bunnies out.

i'll be posting updates on our progress. leave comments of advice from your own experiences! we need all of the help we can get!

grow little carlstone organic garden, grow. momma's hungry.

and by the way, THIS is what the REAL video should look like on rototiller commercials! who are you kidding?!

Go, Comets!

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 20:39:00 +0000

time stood still for me today. i watched my baby boy get all dolled up in his first soccer uniform. i watched him run aimlessly on a soccer field just trying to figure out what he was supposed to be doing. he ran over to ask me three times, "is it over yet?" i watched him sit on his daddy's lap, coach c, and have his post-game snack.

there was no sweat. there was no care of whether we won or lost. there were no yellow cards. there were plenty of people offsides. there were thomas the train underwear. there were requests for dum dums. there were sippy cups.

after the game ended, and we were loading up from the first of many years of windy and tiring mornings at the soccer fields, i had to catch my breath.

my sweet little chunk of an old man baby is growing into a little boy.

as we were driving home, i was reeling with memories of him in my belly kicking my right rib like he was trying to kick that soccer ball, i was overcome with some type of sadness that the diapers are gone, and time had stolen my baby.

then, as if he knew he needed to talk me down from the bridge, i heard his tired little voice say, "mommy. can i have my wammie (lammie)."

he's still there. underneath those shin guards and #3 tee. just a little more time. slow down, baby.

the fires of sorrow

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 13:21:00 +0000

i've been caught off guard the past month. i was vulnerable emotionally once the house flooded. we were almost rid of it two days before with its first offer in two years (albeit the offer hurt because it was so low). needless to say, we were relieved in spite of the financial pang. our hopes were rising. so were the flood waters in the house.

i think i'm full of strength and poise in disaster. i feel i am equipped well for difficult moments, but when the adrenaline wanes, and i'm left amongst the tattered pieces - when life returns to a new normal, i am fragile. i am susceptible to become quiet. muted. thoughtful. i retreat into my mind, my heart. i try to part the clouds to see His hand, catch a glimpse of His presence. i push to find a spin on the negative so i can gain strength to keep my boys from feeling any bit of reed's and my sadness. our despair. our outright exhaustion. our cries for uncle.

as i was attempting to refuel, to find the muster to forge on with the clean up of the nashville house, and grieve that this random flood happened, a few more taps on my shoulder knocked me off balance. reed's car went to the graveyard. tap. my oven broke. tap. our already-suffocating-us-nashville-house-mortgage-had-an-escrow-shortage-of-over-a-thousand-dollars. tap. tap. a diamond in my wedding band fell out. tap. the boys were sick for two straight weeks. tap.

since strohm was born (2 1/2 years ago), i haven't ever been away from my children, except two lovely days at bubba and anna's wedding when strohm was about 5 months old. we've been on 3 dinner dates during those two and a half years. i was at a breaking point yesterday after loading the boys back in the car after a doctor's appointment (it took him an hour to see us while we were stuck in a tiny room with no toys. that's all i need to say to tell you where i was emotionally). i called reed and was next to tears. "i need a break. not just 30 minutes at starbucks. not just sitting at my house without the boys for a week. i need something to refuel me. i have nothing left for anybody. i'm empty. i'm done."

then, a few hours later, reed got a call from one of his best friends. "we were planning a trip with our folks to their beach house in naples. they can't go, but their tickets are nonrefundable. will you and whitney come with us, sans kids?" no way. really? (by the way, you know who you are, and we just can't tell you what it means to us that we were not forgotten. that you reached out in such a huge way to bless us. it has been a lonely road. your mere gesture was enough to set our hearts right). our hopes started rising. but as we tried to hammer out the details, we realized the timing is just not going to work.

tap. tap. tap.

then, like an avalanche, all of the horrible things came rushing upon me. all i could think about was the sorrow. the sadness. the ridiculously timed nasty lashes kept pounding my back. i sobbed in a way i haven't sobbed in a long while. thank goodness reed loves me for my cooking because my looks were a bit on the i-got-punched-in-the-face-by-rambo last night.

i woke up at 5:30 when reed's alarm went off. i felt that self pity creep in the minute the lids of my mind lifted. it suffocated me for an hour as i tossed and turned in bed with my eye mask on. i was trying to do my best at drowning it out, but there were violins playing in the background summoning me towards the biggest pity party of my life.

then i grabbed my phone and just randomly (and swiftly) went to a site to see what my utmost for his highest had to say to me today. something. anything. speak to me, Lord. breathe some new life into my heart.

myutmost.org

As a saint of God, my attitude toward sorrow and difficulty should not be to ask that they be prevented, but to ask that God protect me so that I may remain what He created me to be, in spite of all my fires of sorrow. Our Lord received Himself, accepting His position and realizing His purpose, in the midst of the fire of sorrow. He was saved not from the hour, but out of the hour.

We say that there ought to be no sorrow, but there is sorrow, and we have to accept and receive ourselves in its fires. If we try to evade sorrow, refusing to deal with it, we are foolish. Sorrow is one of the biggest facts in life, and there is no use in saying it should not be. Sin, sorrow, and suffering are, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them.

Sorrow removes a great deal of a person’s shallowness, but it does not always make that person better. Suffering either gives me to myself or it destroys me. You cannot find or receive yourself through success, because you lose your head over pride. And you cannot receive yourself through the monotony of your daily life, because you give in to complaining. The only way to find yourself is in the fires of sorrow. Why it should be this way is immaterial. The fact is that it is true in the Scriptures and in human experience. You can always recognize who has been through the fires of sorrow and received himself, and you know that you can go to him in your moment of trouble and find that he has plenty of time for you. But if a person has not been through the fires of sorrow, he is apt to be contemptuous, having no respect or time for you, only turning you away. If you will receive yourself in the fires of sorrow, God will make you nourishment for other people.

"suffering either gives me to myself or it destroys me." it took one read through, and finally, there were tears in my eyes...not of self pity, but of relief. i felt my burden and sorrow lift. there's nothing like knowing that the God that made every vein in every living creature's body just spoke to me in such a still, small way.

(and He shut off those blasted violins that have been playing in the background of my mind for awhile).

"those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. he who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him."

the boys are waking up; off to the races i go!

hope after the storm

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Tue, 04 May 2010 01:27:00 +0000

reed and i had just been talking at the dinner table about how thankful we are that we have the people in our lives that make a living doing what we need done to remedy the disaster in our nashville home due to the flooding. prayers of thanksgiving abounded from our mouths.

the boys were playing in the front room. i asked reed to help me make the guest bed. suddenly, strohm came screaming, "momma, WOOK! dadda WOOK! rainbow!" we just looked at each other and knew.

we ran outside. i grabbed my camera. reed grabbed our boys. there it was. wait....there THEY were. TWO full rainbows. i like to say there was one for me and one for reed. vibrant. alive. and full of hope and love. right in our front yard in plano, texas after a freakish flooding of our house in nashville, tennessee. reed and i just looked at each other with big tears in our eyes. tears of joy. knowing that we are loved. we are NOT forgotten. and we are wooed by the maker of our souls.

people often ask me how i know when God speaks. sometimes, He just lays it out for you in plain view.

the great nashville flood

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Mon, 03 May 2010 22:32:00 +0000

our house, after two years on the market, got its first offer on april 29. on may 1, it got its first major flood. it's devastating to see the damage to nashville from afar;

however, God is good ALL of the time. reed and i have claimed Job 23 as our chapter to summarize the last 2 years of this crazy hell. we pray you read it, focus on the spirit of the passage, and realize that just as He loves us more than the sparrows of the fields, He, also, is the One that has the power to blow this earth to hell and back when He decides enough is enough. at our wedding, kyle lake said something that we have always clung to (to paraphrase): He is majestic and yet meek. He is wrathful but mild. We can't take the good without taking the bad. So, in THIS house (and we do NOT say this lightly), we CHOOSE to worship the Lord. we are NOT silenced by the darkness.

in other news, i washed my hair today, we went to church and drank it in, ate a splurged lunch out, did a few loads of laundry, reed vacuumed, i swept and washed dishes, we had an awesome afternoon with some VERY old friends and their kids, grilled some burgers and some chicken, played at the park, and tried to apply for fema (but, alas, nashville isn't considered a federal disaster yet). oh, and strohm kissed his first little girlfriend goodnight (besides his cousin, emma claire).

please be praying for my dear husband who has so much work to do at his job, but will be trying to manage the repairs at our house in the meantime. keep those in prayer that have lost MUCH, MUCH more than we have. it's just a drop in the bucket (sorry for the pun) compared to what some are dealing with.

JOB 23:17:

yet i am not silenced by the darkness, by the thick darkness that covers my face.

all i need is everything

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 15:46:00 +0000

this morning while i was lying in bed, my mind was circling through its normal figure eight, and inevitably, i hit the speed bump of my thoughts. "we're never going to sell that house." you know those thoughts. the ones that stifle the air you're breathing. that make your heart start pounding. your stomach drop out.

i pulled the covers over my head. i silently spoke, "God be near me." like a boomerang into my gut, words smacked me back. "be near ME." pfft.

this has been a wild west dual in my heart. i've got my legs shoulder width apart, my knees slightly bent, my eyes fixed, and my finger is on the trigger.

"don't you dare come near me, or i'll shoot." (well, i would like for it to sound like that, but what it really sounds like is), "don't you dare come near me, or i'll fall into a puddle of mess on the ground, and i'll lose every bit of strength i have to remain standing."

i've got humidifiers to fill, diapers to change, baby food to make, taxes to finish, bills to pay, clothes to fold, dinner to make, a table to set, baths to bubble, goodnight stories to read, and babies to kiss goodnight. i don't have time for all of this emotional mess. i don't like crying (anymore). been there done that. for heavens sake, i don't even like play dates, getting coffee, or talking on the phone with seen people. why, on earth, would i want to be near You?

i know what will happen. i'll let down my guard. i'll turn into a baby sobbing in the corner in the fetal position. i'll apologize for ignoring You, yet not wanting You to ignore me.

(don't get me wrong. i've been vulnerable. so many times i can't count. i know the peace that comes. just give me a break already. i'm just not there right now. not today).

i'm working it out. i'm debating. i'm warming up to the thought of letting it all go again. even though, every time i let it all go, there it goes. there. it. goes.

in light of all of the hurt in the world (mine is just a tiny grain of sand), i think we all grapple with, "what kind of God is this?"

everyone uses the phrases, "it will all be okay." "God is in control." "keep the faith."

i'm not being cynical. i can't stand cynics. but, let's be truthful. YES. God is in control. NO. it won't all be okay. read the text. loving God doesn't mean things will always get better, work out, and we'll all get to a spiritual maturity that allows us to see things in light of butterflies, rainbows, and with a goofy smile of love on our faces.

in order for us to be alive, we're going to hurt. a lot. we're going to fall. a lot. we're going to have unbelief. we're going to lose those we love. we're going to lose understanding. then we'll gain it back again. we'll be peaceful. we'll be scared to freakin' death.

we escape by abusing alcohol, going shopping and spending money on fancy things, eating, pornography, affairs, turning into mommy dearest, staying at work a little longer to avoid time with your family, diving into the pool of depression hoping to not come up for air again, being everyone's counsel and pretending you have no need for any yourself, being overtly healthy and obsessing about exercising to at least make our bodies feel and look better (and ignoring how out of shape our spirits are), mowing the yard instead of sitting in a pew, being busier than a funeral parlor in a small town, spewing words at your spouse and finding everything they do wrong instead of seeing the (double) standard you've set for them that you don't even keep yourself.

we just have to be willing to put our weapons of unrest down, and realize we're pointing them in the wrong direction.

He isn't the problem.

we are. we make Him our enemy so that we don't have to deal with ourselves, the true enemy of our own peace.

be near ME God. me. me. me.

all we need is everything, right? i mean, that's not much to ask. everything that's good, that is...

i swear, i will push through this. i will one day have the same love for Him in my pain and hurt, as i have for Him in my calm. i won't villainize Him when the dark clouds roll in.

"in all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing."

pulling through

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 22:32:00 +0000

david, the one with the little harp and sad heart, became king.

i think we equivocate hard times with disobedience; if we are being blessed, we've been obedient.

we beat ourselves up thinking, "crap. what have i done that's so flipping bad that the bottom keeps dropping out (or the ceiling keeps falling)?" i've vacillated between feeling sorry for myself, trusting that God knows best, being thankful for what we DO have, believing this, too, shall pass, and then feeling sorry for myself again.

we beat our chests in pride thinking, "i am blessed. God has blessed me. i've been obedient, and i am being rewarded. 'thank you God for this gorgeous house, my raise, this fancy car, and this scrumptious steak and lobster.'"

if it's okay to feel blessed when times are okay (and oftentimes when they're not), why is it not okay to have some really hellish times and feel just bummed the heck out about it? why is it the assumption that you've made a bad decision, or you're experiencing fall out from not having enough wisdom to know the exact road you were supposed to take, or that there's some area of your life that you just haven't given over...that you haven't let God have control over? tskk. tskk.

if such were the case, then david should've gotten his act together. the psalms are full of disobedience and fruitlessness.

i've never had less visible fruit on the tree of my life than i've had over the past two years. my tree looks like the one that has the big plastic sack over it and a few anchoring ropes to help it not lean. it's been a leaning time of life.

why do we forget that in order for fruit to come forth, there must be times of empty branches? cold nights? barrenness? we only applaud the seen. the ones in their fruitful seasons.

david cried, cursed, and moped in the psalms (which, i would argue, is the most known and beloved book of the Bible). john burnt to a lonesome crisp on the isle of patmos. elizabeth was barren until she was an old granny, became pregnant, went into hiding (that means all by herself. she wasn't serving on the children's ministry team nor going to coffee to promote relationship or picking up the phone every time it rang). (AND) the entire time she was pregnant, her husband (zechariah) was MUTE. mute, people. no talking. if you've been pregnant, you know what it would be like to be alone and have the only other person that knew of your pregnancy to not be able to talk with you about it (nor give you encouragement). i digress.

need i even mention JOB?

is there, truly, a biblical patriarch that didn't have a really nasty life with loads of coal in his stocking most times? so why do we act like people who are going through hard times are modern day lepers? that their sufferings are because they've screwed up? that the lack of visible fruit on their tree symbolizes that God is not using them. they aren't using their gifts.

i used to sing. i, may, one day sing again. i remember the last time i did. i walked off the stage at first baptist houston. lisa pierre and i had just been able to see women stand to their feet in humility, and beth walked up on the stage and said some things that i'll always hold dear. the end?

i have more to me than la la. i have more to me than diaper changes. i have more to me than being excellent with our money. i have more to me than stilettos and heavy makeup. i have more to me than sweat pants and dirty hair.

God is not some boxed up, what slot have you signed up on for the women's ministry team, where is your good attitude, quit your crying, i only love mr. roger's, if you love me, you will win wheel of fortune kind of God.

that's easy to get, right? then why do we not translate that.

my family has been isolated. we've been spiritually empty. we've been burrowed deep in each other's presence. we've been hermits. reed stopped being everyone's happy face, everyone else's encouragement (funny how only a few have turned and reciprocated all of those years of love and light he poured into their hearts). i stopped dropping everything for everyone. i stopped singing. i stopped making everyone else feel comfortable. i stopped beating myself up. i stopped going 100 miles per minute.

we've just needed to be in hiding.

why are we so hooked up on works? we preach against legalism, yet if we look at someone who isn't tithing, pfft. if someone rejects time with us, pfft. by the way, do you even know what is going on in THEIR lives? i spy "i. me. my. mines." if we see someone that is empty, sullen, pfft. if we see someone not connecting amongst us, pfft. if we aren't being catapulted to the next record deal, book deal, or job position, pfft. i mean, God is into power, fame, and prestige, right? maybe the church should stop making so many activities, retreats, and ministries so that christians (who are often guilt-motivated) have more time to eat dinner with their neighbors and hurting family members rather than be at the next men's ministry event (that's, more often than not, just filled with fellow fraternity brothers). but, for now, in THIS house, we're enjoying the quiet. the slowness that comes from sadness. the pause that comes from heartbreak. the unease that comes from turning the cheek. we're being still in a time of life where we just want to run away. Jesus said in luke 6:29, "if someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also." He didn't say to like it, or that you shouldn't flinch.

i need to cook dinner. i just want you to know that reed and i are okay with being hermits right now. we're okay with two babies two and under. we're okay with not having a junk load of money to go out to dinner with friends. we're okay with nights of knitting and netflix. we're okay with all of the hurts, struggles, and hard times that we've gone through. how else can we teach our boys how to hold your head up high even when you don't feel like it? it all has its place. this is our season of hibernating. one day, we will come back out. i might sing again. reed might be all ears.

but one thing won't change from now 'til then: we are LOVED by God. in our pissedoffness as much as in our weareblessedness.

His love NEVER fails.

the boxing ring

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 15:19:00 +0000

we have another little bruiser on our hands. he sky-dived off our bed onto the hardwood floor (that is laid on concrete). reed was a couple feet away...but just far enough to not be able to swoop him up with those 10 foot span arms. he smacked down on his forehead and nose. reed said he was going so fast that his little feet flew up and over (from his heels) his little head, flipping him onto his back. bonk. wah. blood rush. vein pop. bloody nose. ER.

thank the Lord that he's fine. slept like a baby last night. and to think, he's cutting his first teeth, has a severe sinus infection, and had a bar fight with the floor. he still came out smiling.

speaking of looking like a punching bag, last night was another round in this ring of misfortune we've been trapped in for awhile. we must be up to 345,812 DING-DING-DINGS!

i want to write more. i want to share more than i do (some of you just fainted), but i also don't ever want to sound like a pity-the-poor-fool-life-sucks-our-lives-are-so-bad-even-though-we-have-everything-we-"need"-and-things-could-be-so-much-worse-so-i-don't-want-to-whine-and-complain.

i can't stand those people.
so i just stir. i ignore. i distract. and most of the time - truthfully - i'm the most positive, content, and forward-moving gal.
there are days, though, when i hear negative nancy knocking on my door. i rarely answer. i don't have time to visit with her, but sometimes...just sometimes, she sneaks in unannounced.

i don't mind the rain. it's the flooding from the rain that makes me weary. when it gets to be too often and too much, i just let myself have about thirty minutes to mope, whine, and sometimes let my eyes well with tears that burn. they hurt. they feel like those tears that come from that nasty yellow junk that dilates your eyes.

then, my pity party ends. i can't stay in that nasty, egocentric, dramatic, emotionally charged place long.

negative nancy's are NOT my favorite people in the world.

then, we press on. we hold on to the hope that seasons change.

we are in the longest winter of our lives. we've held our heads high. we've trusted in the Lord. we've not trusted in the Lord. we've loved each other well. we've hurt each other. we've hidden in the closet on the floor with a pillow over our heads and cried (well, WE haven't...reed would have a hard time fitting). we've raised our hands with tears streaming down our cheeks in thanksgiving.

we've grown accustomed to the chill. but we're ready - NO - we're claiming for our sweet little family:

to hell with this winter.

SPRING, COME AGAIN.

here i am, pioneer woman. i love you.

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 22:32:00 +0000

i'm in the hospital recovering from a surgery of the "strohm" type, and i got a little pick-me-up when i opened up my most favorite blog.

i was supposed to have my surgery on tuesday morning, but there were some things that my doc needed to take care of with his family, so it was postponed until thursday.

God did this on purpose so i could go with my sister to the pioneer woman's book signing. (jest, jest).

and just look who poured on the charm.

he gets it from his daddy.

oh, how i love that twinkly smile, my little shepherd.

now, to point out the most meaningful thing we took away from the evening of sitting in line to meet HER, i would like for you to scroll back and look carefully at the picture of me and mandy.

of COURSE that ended up in our picture.

i love you, mandy! i had so much fun!

we've been burgled - take two

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 03:16:00 +0000

we've been here before, but this was the first time that i was home with our two babies.

let's do this:

both of the boys were asleep. someone knocked on the front door, and i peeked through a window to see who it was. all i saw was a brand new silver jaguar. knock. knock. knock. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. i don't answer the door when i'm here alone...then i saw him walk back to his car and put something into the driver's side backseat. stare at the house. get back into the car. drive off.

something wasn't sitting right in me.

then i heard shep cry. i got him up and put him on our bed to eat. i closed the blinds and curtains that look out onto our back patio. sat on the bed next to shepherd. then i heard the kitchen door bust open (from the backyard patio). twenty feet from my bedroom. i grabbed my phone. dialed 911. and walked straight into the kitchen. the minute i walked into the kitchen, he had simultaneously turned around to head back out the door. we were two feet from one another. he never saw me. i'm sure he felt me just as much as i felt him. i watched him glibly walk out the backyard just like he'd dropped some mail on my kitchen table. he had heard shep cry. he wasn't expecting anyone to be home. i closed the door behind him. don't mess with my babies, mr. butthead.

white guy. fancy clothes. jaguar. military blondish-brown crew cut. 5'10". 185. sweet leather jacket. empty, glove-less hands.

the police showed up. in retrospect, they probably felt like they were over for wine and cheese. i changed shep's diaper. "he won't be back. just a random break-in." i said, "thanks for coming! need some sweet tea?" ha. someone give me back my mind.

strohm awoke. changed his diaper. turned on caillou. called reed..."can you come home, maybe?" "why?" "a man just broke in and was standing two feet from me in the kitchen." "are you joking?" "no." click.

then it hit me:

two months ago, when it was hot hot hot, i was on a walk pushing the boys in the jogging stroller. we live in a VERY safe neighborhood (we, also, did, when our house was broken into 3 years ago in nashville). a car slowed down with two white guys in it. we girls are used to guys slowing down to survey the scenery, but they were going 2 miles per hour. basically stopped in the middle of the road. ten feet from me and my babies. and they were just staring. i turned the stroller towards the nearest house and up to their door. the pervs drove away, thankfully, because no one was home. i booked it to the next busiest street. here they came again. this happened three times. i went to the elementary school 8 houses down. didn't want to lead them back to my house. waited it out. called reed..."these white guys - look like military crew cuts - keep following me." i went home.

a month ago, i was walking by the front of the house and saw a black honda odyssey minivan going really slow in reverse. a man. staring into the house. reverse. forward. repeat for ten minutes. i thought he was maybe lost.

two weeks later. same van. same man. same reverse. forward. stare. he wasn't lost.

now we're back to today.

i firmly believe he was in cahoots with the minivan guy. they had stalked my house and had planned today as the day. i wonder if they were the two from the car following me on my walk. it wasn't a random break in. no. way. they'd cased the house (because he was headed straight towards our master bedroom. he acted like he knew the layout because he didn't have time to stop and look around to think, "now where should i start." next time, he'll have bells, whistles, video cameras, and my trusty illegal black-jack to deal with (yes, it was on my arm today).

ain't no way he was here for my tv, right? boy had on a $500 leather jacket.

so, it takes me back to a couple of years ago when i wrote this.

God gives and He takes away. i know everyone will say, "God protected your family by shep crying." but half of me just can't go there because i look in the bible, and what i see is a God who showcased people who had hellish lives. He loved them. He didn't include the "billy boy loved me so much so i let him live on a lavish estate and eat donuts and drink reserve wine forever. amen." so, ironically, i feel like we are closer to Him than we think if the bottom is falling out all of the time..right? wrong?

oh, crap...we just don't know anymore.

isn't it completely non-biblical to think that God's will is only being done if things in your life are full of wealth, blessings, and ease? to be honest with you, i steer clear of happy people whose lives hit the lottery all of the time. "God has BLESSED us!" gross. gag me with a spoon. do you shout that loud when He takes away? don't brag, you fools. He ain't your genie in a bottle. besides, i like my God a little hard to understand. if i could understand Him, then i wouldn't want Him to be God of all. i can't pin Him down. and i'm okay with that. ( i think).

our family has been through so many red-hot-shades-of-hell over the past few years that i can't help but just laugh and move on. could mr. butthead come in my kitchen again right now, yes? hurt me? yes. hurt my family? yes. but what the heck can i do about it that i haven't already done?

reed and i are bewildered. we are just at a loss for why the crap keeps hitting the fan. and people, i'm not talking about bad days. we're really positive people. we pick ourselves up by our bootstraps so often that i should be a 85 year old cowboy on a porch with a toothpick of hay in my mouth telling about the old days with sunburned wrinkles all around my eyes and mouth.

(i think i should insert here that this morning we found out we have to replace our entire breaker panel in our plano house - (YES we still own our nashville house - 18 months on the market now - and it's going to cost a mere grand)).

so, those are the details. we're back to normal. wait...this is our normal. ha! life goes on...besides, who can say they've been almost robbed and attacked by a fancy-pants-white male-jaguar-driving burglar?

He gives AND He takes away. He has allowed these bad things. We've breathed them in. He's allowed these good things. We've breathed them in.

all i have to say is that i think i need a bean burrito, and i have to wash my hair tomorrow.

crap.

ABC's

noreply@blogger.com (whitney) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 00:09:00 +0000

i am a craigslist freak. i admit it; we've bought a car, 2 couches, rugs, a bunk bed, kitchen table, chairs, ottoman, bar chairs. you get the picture. (and the picture is: i have a small, ever-so-slight, addiction to buying things from craigslist). i honestly can't remember the last time i bought something new at a REAL STORE. heaven help me. i need an intervention.

so i felt i needed to get off my chest one tiny, unimportant, totally annoying craigslist schtick that patrons like myself need to be aware of so that we can all move forward in unity as we post post post and buy buy buy.

people: the correct spelling is WROUGHT IRON. not rod iron. not rodiron. not wrot iron. not rot iron.

WROUGHT IRON.

amen.