Anthony dishes (haha) all about grits and grit. Grit is “courage and resolve” or “strength of character.”

Watch and listen.

Today’s episode is all about perseverance, grit, and endurance. Basically all things that are tough for me but Anthony has already habituated. I read a book about grit and tracking how it affects people years ago and a few things stuck out to me.

// grit is a greater indication of long-term happiness in life than socio-economic status, family of origin, or IQ

// grit is learnable! and you can always try again to keep developing it. It’s an ongoing formation

My big comfort in all this discussion is that we can begin again, we can change! We have neuroplasticity meaning our brain can adapt and change! So I provide a little checklist toward the end of the episode of how to have more grit in all these areas of our lives: emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, and relationally. Anthony reminds us that asking for grace is probably the best place to start.

How’s your grit?

The post grits? or grit? appeared first on Nell O'Leary.

Who wants to come to a zoom meeting and bake bread with me? I’m NO pro but make one kind that’s really easy, pretty well.

Okay, email me and let me know so I can give you the zoom info & password! wholeparenting @ gmail.

We’ll do it in about 2 weeks when you’ve had time to accrue your supplies. All amazon aff links!

My book I love: Bread in 5.

But you can use just the recipe here. I love the book because it teaches you a lot that I can’t!

Here’s your supply list //

Yeast

Flour (my fav is King Arthur but whatever you have will work)

Salt (i love coarse kosher but whatever you have is fine)

Measuring cups (1 cup and 1/2 cup)

Measuring spoon (1 tablespoon)

big stainless bowl

parchment paper

dough hook (this actually makes a difference when mixing by hand)

dutch oven casserole // baking stone // cookie sheet upside down

oven, water

Optional

scoring tool

proofing basket

YAY!

The post sign up to bake bread with me? appeared first on Nell O'Leary.

It’s not just because of the global pandemic and my heart is broken for families who have lost loved ones, suffered greatly mentally, economically, and emotionally. It’s actually something I struggle with regularly: discouragement.

Like a wave, it sometimes washes over me and I feel trapped under it. Other times, it is pulled away from me and I see my wet feet but know I’m fine, that it’s an ongoing high tide & low tide. Discouragement can touch on any number of topics for me, and maybe for you, too. Body image, energy levels, bodily health, overcommitting and disappointing people, how impatient I was, and the list goes on. As I grow in my spiritual life, I can recognize, “OH! that’s a spiritual attack or my pride kicking in here–I need to just set this discouragement aside.”

Anthony and I talk about spiritual warfare, discouragement, and hope in our latest episode of the Hermit + His Wife.

Listen or Watch.

He steps through the spiritual attacks that come from within, our own weaknesses, and those that come from bad spirits. I love that he had 5 years of philosophy and theology studies in rich & faithful Catholic environments. He knows so much! And he explains it so that even I can understand: how the will and the intellect interact, the material and immaterial faculties are moved, and custody of the imagination.

I really valued everything he said in this episode, especially the elements of hope! And how Christ has won the war! Okay, I want to hear what you think, too!

The post frequent discouragement appeared first on Nell O'Leary.

I’m behind! I’m behind! Apologies.

Even in an era of pandemic, I was able to hop over to a local church (Our Lady of Lourdes) to live-record a talk for the young professionals crowd. It’s about finding and meaning while pursuing our little v vocation. It starts at about 100 minutes. But don’t skip past Vespers!

WATCH + LISTEN

Also, two podcast eps and I’m late sharing them! The first is a full run-through of Liturgy of the Hours. Anthony at his best! It’s a fun packed 40 minutes to learn how to pray it, what is happening in this enormous book, and a real encouragement.

The one that’s coming out today is a special one for me. It’s about leisure and hobbies. Why do I need them? Why are they important? I discuss that pursuing things that are life-giving have made a difference in my mental health and I’ve seen the same in Anthony’s life, too.

How, how, how can people with kids or intense work lives pursue hobbies? And leisure sounds like laziness. Watching shows and eating ice cream are not hobbies–they’re relaxing activities, but they’re not necessarily something that actually spurs me to deeper joy, deeper plugging in and re-ordering my mind toward God, true relaxation. They’re a filler of sorts!

Sewing, baking bread, reading, and when my health permits, exercise are my forms of leisure. Luckily, my family can be included in most of those! If they behave!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on leisure and your hobbies, too!

The post liturgy of the hours, hobbies, and a talk for young pros appeared first on Nell O'Leary.

We talk about something super interesting to me today: learning to like (more) the person whom you already love. Youtube ep here and podcast here.

Anthony came up with this topic and I was delighted to talk about it, largely because I think people assume that once you’re married, you just like each other more and more. Not true. Besides love being an act of the will, it’s also a habit we have to practice over and over again.

Part of my sharing on the episode focuses around that we can *only* control ourselves and how we respond to our beloved. We can’t try to make them change or do something in the hopes we can manipulate their emotions or *get* them to change. Simply being emotionally healthy and being as loving as possible is a big undertaking  for our lifetime. Then acting out of love to our significant other is a whole new challenge and layer.

Okay, I love his Saint Francis de Sales quote at the end. Do you have a take on it??

The post liking who you love ep 5 of podcast appeared first on Nell O'Leary.

In our newest ep of ye ole Hermit + His Wife (youtube, anchor app) we talk about our prayer lives, how they’ve grown and changed, and where we are at with our marital prayer life, too.

The biggest surprise for me for this episode is Anthony’s observations of my changes since working with Blessed is She (almost 6 years old!). I went from being pretty head-heavy in my faith to now really desiring a relationship with God. These changes can’t happen with the flip of a switch. Loads of grace, the community of writers and the team I work with, and a husband who has always encouraged me to keep going through the late night editing, emotionally draining parts, and time tucked away from our family on weekends to get the work done.

I love hearing his prayer routine (more on that in another episode!) and which 17th century writer deeply changed his awareness of God’s daily presence. To turn to Him daily, moment-to-moment, and recollect our hearts and minds to Him at all times is just an incredible prayer practice.

I’d love to hear about your prayer practices! Please share with us!

The post what’s your prayer life like? appeared first on Nell O'Leary.

When I started sharing more about my parenting struggles and consolations, it was, in part, because lots of parenting websites made it sound like a task that could be conquered, mastered, a skill you learn and then apply. Like any other field or area of practice.

But as I say in the latter half of today’s episode, most of parenting starts with disciplining myself, with curbing my irritations and annoyances, by actively choosing to respond with love. And that’s an everyday exercise for me.

So enjoy a little longer episode today on our approach to kids, tending to the person they actually are, and trying to help them grow in their own sense of prayer. I also mention what happens to your fourth kid, Anthony shares when he started podcast listening (midnight dishes), and a few real life unedited tidbits of a three year old interrupting you.

Cheers!

Listen on spotify or anchor (itunes coming!) or watch on youtube.

The post a little honest parenting, four kids in appeared first on Nell O'Leary.

We are now deep in podcast//(video youtubing it) land.

Anthony’s big quote from this one? “God doesn’t want a set of accomplishments, He wants you.”

This episode is a wee over 20 minutes and tells the stories of our discernment of vocation–both marriage and our jobs. I never get tired of hearing how Anthony had a winding road through the diocesan seminary, FSSP major seminary, then a hermitage, then an insurance company, teaching high school Latin, and meeting me in law school. Mostly I delight on the law school part!

But something that’s struck me throughout the years is that if Anthony hadn’t taken that road, if he had finished at Notre Dame and gone on to law school right from there, not only would we never have met, but his deep spirituality wouldn’t have had a chance to flourish. He is a truly spiritual person of prayer. And now it’s been over 20 years of cultivating this.

How many times have I seen him in quiet prayer while the kids are playing and I’m bustling around (MARTHA ALL THE WAY). How many times has he responded charitably to people treating him badly or helped me re-see a situation where I’m enraged? How does his example of a posture of prayer shape our kids’ daily rhythms?

I’m grateful for his road.

And I’ve written so much here over the years about my own journey of adjusting to being a mom at home, and gradually growing alongside Blessed is She as it grew. Always struggling to find enough hours in the day to dedicate to caring for my home, my family, my health, my community. I touch on the beginnings of all that in this episode.

Hope you enjoy! Thanks for sharing, subscribing on YouTube, and sharing. It means a lot.

The post EP 2 of the Podcast on Vocation appeared first on Nell O'Leary.

How is your global pandemic? How’s the work situation, school situation, hopes & dreams situation? We have friends who have been really sick and family whose businesses have no revenue. These are challenging and scary times. None of my feelings about it all are linear, either.

One morning, I’m a pro distance-learning mom. That afternoon, I’m crying and sweating. Maybe you’re on a rollercoaster, too.

So what have we done? Anthony and I started a podcast because I need to laugh and he’s allergic to the internet. It’s called “the hermit + his wife” and we’re streaming it on YouTube and wherever you listen to podcasts. We also pray morning prayer live sometime between 8-9am central on instagram.

We also celebrated a handful of family birthdays in shelter-in-place (which is just weird and sad), are eyeing family reunion plans for the summer on the East Coast, and I am NOT called to be a homeschooler after this plunge into the depths of distance learning.

I was going to sew up a bunch of sweet linen Easter dresses but made 200 masks to give away instead! Now my sister sent me supplies so if you’re looking to buy a mask, keep an eye on her online store: Brooklyn Herborium.

That’s the TDLR.

Love & hugs to you and yours!

The post podcasting, shelter in place, and distance learning appeared first on Nell O'Leary.

The good news is that you guys really love handmade sewn things from my little shoppe. (That’s pronounced “shopp-ey” according to my sister.)

Almost all the dresses are out! One of the caps is out! A bunch of the bibs are down to just one set! The leggings are flying! If you’re still in the perusing market, what’s left is here.

I’m so grateful, you guys. My shoppe is this in between-place for me.

I see lots of small makers who have built an empire of outsourcing their production, or they work full-time with kids in childcare sewing and produce the most gorgeous things! I sew in the cracks of the day that don’t already belong to Blessed is She.

The bulk of my day is uncooperative sweet lil no-neck aliens, housework upon housework, and meal prep & clean up. That’s my calling; that’s my vocation; and it’s hopefully my path to sanctity. I cannot describe how parentally challenging yesterday was so we’re hoping there are some jewels in my crown for being a pro-level apologist to children post-yelling.

So when I sit down to sew, I often think, No one wants your concertos here, Mary–that line from Pride & Prejudice from Mrs. Bennett to her unfortunate daughter Mary who’s a bit of an outcast. No one needs your sewing here, Nell–so many other more well photographed, perfectly serged, amazingly packaged works out there.

If you encounter resistance a lot–that feeling that you shouldn’t bother doing something you want to do, know you’re not alone. The key for me is detachment from the outcome so YES I’m going to sew a ton of stuff and YES if no one buys it or wants it, I will accept that that’s a possibility but NO that won’t stop me from doing it. I’m not going to let my fear of the outcome: failure, embarrassment, etc, hold me back from this little area of joy in my life. It’s something of delight for me!

Don’t let your delight be wrenched out of your hands, friends. Thanks for coming to my TED talk #ha and a big thank you to everyone who has supported my sewing throughout the years.

xoxo

The post fighting resistance in pursuit of joyful outlets appeared first on Nell O'Leary.