Wide Open Air

Owning our Story

2013-04-30T23:23:00.002-06:00

From
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy--the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.

Hillary Swank

2013-04-23T13:42:00.001-06:00

This little article made me love her...and side note, so eager to see her new film "Mary and Martha".

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Foster Care Certification

2013-04-23T09:09:00.000-06:00

Our family has been working toward being ready to certify for Foster Care for the past two years and we are finally ready to start. Lest you jump into the "are you insane?" thinking, let me explain:

One of the things we've discovered in our journey of the last six years is that once God opens your eyes to something, you just can't shut them...at least not with any level of peace. When we first awoke to the orphan crisis and all the issues that surround it, not only worldwide but in our own backyard, we were burdened to act. Since then, we have given our time, talents and resources through various endeavors to serve the poor, orphan, and widow at home and abroad, including the start of an international adoption through Gladney the year we found out we were expecting Thomas. Two years ago, around the time we were being led away from HopeMongers (our family non-profit), we knew there was more for us to do and the call for those nearest to us rang louder and louder in our hearts.

While attending Together For Adoption in Austin, 2010, my compassion toward children who had been placed in the state foster system grew exponentially. Since my first thought was "Dear God, if you give us any more children, none of us will make it out alive," he, of course, was prepared with a talk by Saint Fults, Quality Improvement Specialist at State of Missouri, Children’s Division. During the last breakout session of the weekend, Saint started his talk by saying (paraphrased), "I know that foster care is a scary topic for a lot of people, but even if you aren't ready to bring children into your home for full-time foster care or adoption, there is still so much you can do." and he proceeded to outline all the ways to serve these kids from free photo sessions to tutoring and job prep to respite care for their full-time caregivers. I was blown away, not only by the wealth of ideas that had never crossed my mind, but that there was a way for us (kids included) to do something "right now."

As Sam and I talked through the mass of suggestions, we both landed on the desire to become certified respite care givers which would provide us both the training and the network to do any number of things for those giving or receiving foster care. By becoming certified, we can offer time off (hours to days) for full-time caregivers who are overwhelmed, we can take emergency placements for children waiting to be placed in a home, and a myriad of other things including housing teen moms who are themselves in the foster system and needing a home. The network we build through this process will allow us to host events and do special-interest drives for the whole system of children in our counties of certification. We are so excited that we are finally moving forward with this dream...and that's where you come in...our support network.

We appreciate your prayers and encouragement as our family eases into this great unknown adventure. Sam's priority and mine is stewarding one another and those God has already placed into our care, so that we can be effective for those without an advocate. Thank you for helping us get to this place and for being willing to walk us through the potholes that are inevitable along the way.

Everybody Hurts

2013-04-21T20:33:00.002-06:00

by R.E.M.

When your day is long and the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go
Everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

Everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand. Oh, no
Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes
So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
(Hold on, hold on)

Everybody hurts
You are not alone

Teacher Appreciation Gift

2013-04-20T14:08:00.002-06:00

Thieves Spray: glass bottles (Natural Grocer), thieves oil (Young Living), distilled water, and a dash of vodka.
They loved it!

Today

2013-04-19T16:00:00.003-06:00

Pikes Peak Climb

2012-10-08T10:36:00.003-06:00

My New Favorite Recipe

2012-10-08T09:31:00.003-06:00

Thomas' preschool teacher asks them this question each year and records their answers....love!

2012-09-18T20:20:00.001-06:00

This cuteness is an everyday occurrence in our car.
(Please disregard the missing seatbelt. Though sub-optimally wise, my defense is that we were wrapped up in the moment driving from a neighbors' to home within our own neighborhood.)
enjoy...

Colorado Chronicles chapter 3

2012-06-16T20:29:00.000-06:00

I know, I know..."About _____ time." In my defense, I started this post beginning of May, but you gotta go with the inspiration; and let's just state for the record that four children take up a wee bit of otherwise inspired writing time.
------------------------------------------
By February's close, we decided that Mommy was too fragile for anyone's good and we made the tearful and scary decision to stop homeschooling the girls and put them on the bus to the school a mile from our house...now I use the words "tearful and scary" not to delineate public school as a big hairy monster but to demonstrate my extreme idealism and need for [perceived] control. In addition to relinquishing "control" of my kids' education and daytime hours, I also warily agreed to talk to my doctor about the possibility of anti-anxiety medication...something I vowed never to do..."never say never," right? And that was that. As Spring Break closed, the girls were out the door to a bold new adventure and the boys and I hit the ground running...what was the path? Avoidance 101.

It turns out that I'm quite a master at avoiding....anything, anyone, anytime, anyplace...I've got it covered...or not, as the case may be. So I busied myself. Through Summer up until Fall. Rather than use my newfound bit of breathing room to breathe, I filled it with a bit of fun, a bit of fashion, a bit of friends, and most anything else [legal] that carried the tag of 'instantly gratifying and not demanding'. Ahhhhh... until Aaahhck! What in the world is happening? Not much is bothering me...but then again, not much is getting done either. I wasn't self-reflecting, or thinking, or feeling, and certainly not breathing...who had time for that? My littles were missing me and I was missing myself. It was time to wake from my self-induced coma.

And darn it if that didn't take a concerted effort... The next six months looked like this:

Say "no" to friends, say "no" to school, say "no" to spouse, say "no" to kids, say "no" to self.

Say "yes" to me, say "YES, Yes, yes, yes" to kids, say "yes" to spouse.

Continue saying "no" to school and others.

And say "yes" to God.

And not-so-suddenly, there it came...ambiguity dismissed. Things that were previously so foggy began to come in to focus and things that once upon a time had been crystal clear were looking as grey as the Seattle sky in winter...Grace and Truth were accompanying me on the journey back from avoidance...a sweet, sweet walk.

Was my anxiety gone? my marriage whole? Were my relationships mended? my kids complete? Nope, but I was in a better place to sustain. I can equate it to a broken bone that begins to heal but aches and then it heals and it still aches...especially when it's cold, right?

The aches were less and the healing more, and then it got cold...really cold.

soccer shots

2012-05-04T08:43:00.004-06:00

Colorado Chronicles chapter 2

2012-03-19T06:20:00.000-06:00

Mid year 2010 we moved to our little slice of pie on earth and began pursuing an active authentic community. Our house became the landing place for all things social and we carried on that pattern until school began again. Sam and I took a look at the lives around us...some so refreshing, some so broken but all very real and said,"yes, we will do this...we will walk with you." And walk we did, though often it felt more apropos to run or even leap.

We carried on that way without taking time to see how this might be affecting us...and it always does affect us...doing life with other humans. You can't walk through a trash dump without carrying the smell out on your clothes and shoes any more than you can walk through a field of flowers without sweet-smelling pollen weaving it's way into the fabric you wear. Fragrance, be it pleasant or putrid, has a way of lingering.

By Fall, we were neck deep in the lives of people hurting all around us and had no real sense for how to manage...Sam handled it in his own way and I in mine. At first, it felt better to just vent to each other and then it felt better just to be quiet about all of it...too quiet...we hunkered down and tried to face our fears alone...which we found only led to being more afraid...issues that originally presented as true for friends and theory for us began to creep into our own hearts and minds as haunting possibilities...and the fear crippled our once stalwart team.

We limped along focusing our efforts on keeping the peace and parenting through the winter...and I do mean limped. Come February, we were at an all time low. And it took sitting down with friends who have known and loved Sam and I for our entire history together in order to gain some perspective on the fall out...only a glimpse but a glimpse in the right direction...the "you two are not okay" direction.

Sweet Dreams

2012-03-14T20:22:00.000-06:00

Cozy in my bed after a good, long day which began at 5:00am when I awoke from a dream that I was marrying my husband all over again...and yes, it was wonderful and simple and more organized {and less hot} than the first time around...and yes, I would absolutely marry him all over again, but he should really refrain from planning weddings at 5am. Sweet dreams to all of you. G'night!

most. precious. book. ever.

2012-03-13T18:39:00.000-06:00

my mom sent me this book as my "birthday card" this year...read it to the kids over dinner and sobbed out the ending...it's great
[i'm not an adoptive parent, but i think this is one of those books applicable to both bio and adoptive children alike]

...kleenex? you've been warned.

Colorado Chronicles chapter 1

2012-03-06T09:06:00.001-07:00

Apparently I've stopped writing which is not healthy for me or anyone around me...it's one of my most effective therapies. So here goes....

Peculiar, the reality that it's been two years and two months since we moved to Colorado. It doesn't seem so long ago that we were pulling into town with a van full of kids and whatever winter clothes we owned (as South Texans that wasn't much) with big hopes and dreams piggyback riding on no place to live and a house to sell. We returned from a three week family trip to Ethiopia the day after Christmas, began repacking our bags, visited family and friends and drove off into the great unknown. Most everyone thought we were crazy...and they were right. We sort of pride ourselves on 'crazy' around here. Just a month later and we were well settled into our furnished rental and were headed back to pack up everything into two UHauls (mistake) and close on our TX home...a house we LOVED and that our kids loved...a place where two of my children were born, near people that changed our world for the better in countless ways. Everything about this change was hard...everything...except that peace in our hearts that said, "some dreams don't come easy"...that comfort was an unorthodox friend during our first year here. It was a year fraught with challenges at every turn which we met head-on as a unified front. We were an unstoppable team in those first months of choosing continued homeschooling, navigating community, selecting a property to call home, and building our family business...until we weren't.

...to be continued

Order

2012-01-23T08:15:00.001-07:00

I’ve been saying this about myself for years, but never so poetically…I like how this describes one of my leading issues.

Nostalgia

2011-12-19T05:59:00.001-07:00

It's been two years since we were here...I miss this kind of Christmas...

Happy Holidays Ethiopia!

might have to make some of this...

Last Chance Fall Hike at Devil's Head

2011-10-25T14:23:00.002-06:00

My favorite fall hike in Colorado (thanks to Amanda).

Five fabulous bovine

2011-10-22T16:02:00.001-06:00

***I stand corrected: Since mule deer have antlers, not horns, they are considered cervine, not bovine like their antelope cousins.**** (admit it, some of you really wanted to know that)

No doubt that the bucks in these pictures won't be as friendly in the coming month, but they have been running around our neighborhood together for the last six months and are always a sight to behold... I love my life!

What's Thanksgiving?

2011-10-20T14:01:00.002-06:00

Listening to my kids' conversation regarding Thanksgiving...I wish I'd grabbed the video:

Will - "What's Thanksgiving?

Lilly - "Thanksgiving is a special day when people get together and you eat really yummy food like they make pie and cook chicken and rolls, like bread rolls, and some people bring potatoes and you put gravy on them, gravy makes them taste really good, and they might bring cookies or whatever they want like maybe sweet potatoes with marshmallows and there are special drinks and they might invite other friends who have a baby and then they all come too...and it's usually at our house."

...yeah, something like that :-)

Lilly - "Will, do you know what my favorite special day is? My most favorite is Christmas, and then Thanksgiving, and Easter, and Valentines, and Halloween, and well, I guess I like them all, but my most favorite special day of all has to be Valentine's."

Thomas' First Soccer Practice

2011-09-07T23:18:00.000-06:00

2011-08-12T10:16:00.001-06:00

Via: Medical Billing And Coding

Seasons

2011-07-01T00:49:00.000-06:00

For Good

I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn and we are led to those Who help us most to grow if we let them And we help them in return Now I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you... Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better But because I knew you, I have been changed for good

It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime
So let me say before we part So much of me is what I have learned from you You'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart Now whatever way our stories may end I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend... Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better But because I knew you, I have been changed for good

-Wicked, For Good lyrics

Grace for the Gray

2011-06-02T22:56:00.000-06:00

alternately titled Making the Food Behave

It must have been a decade ago….seems like last week…that my friend and I were sitting in her apartment discussing the idea of gluttony, particularly in regard to food. I can’t say if we read it somewhere or if we were just geniuses in our own right…I do recall we were reading about a program called Weigh Down, but regardless…we were aiding each other in owning the truth that you can’t “Make the Food Behave.”

Westerners, it seems, have this idea that as long as we remove the calories, eat non-food chemicals, and strip the fats from foods replacing them with sugar, or worse yet, artificial sweeteners and fillers (whatever those are ???), that somehow our bodies will shed pounds and snap into shape all while we indulge as much as we’d like…and it’s not the truth. Plain and simple, you cannot make the food behave…that’s our job, so to speak…it’s called moderation.

Still open to learning, I’ve come to believe if you give your body exactly what it needs and nourish it (and I don't always), a moderate amount of most things will not cause harm. The injury comes when we have a set of external ‘rules’ we try to apply in order to combat an internal problem. Do you follow?

So it occurs to me today, while making my bed of all things, that the most recent years of my life have been overshadowed by people who, for one reason or another, have challenged my beliefs, my paradigms, my existence…and it hits me…the very thing I KNOW I am supposed to be learning and applying is that you can’t "make the people behave.” The complexity and diversity of mankind and the historical dealings of the Creator with his creation demand that there be grace for the gray areas; that there are and will always be people, circumstances, lives and stories that I do not, will not and cannot control, orchestrate, moderate or subdue. I simply don’t have the understanding….what I understand, in very small part, is me … and that’s about it.

The stories of the people that cross my path are not my story…and to try to make them so is a form of gluttony. As C.S. Lewis penned through the voice of Aslan in The Horse and His Boy, (my favorite of the Narnia tales), “That is not your story. Gathering all the unique lives that cross my path to fit them onto my plate of relevance and understanding doesn’t work any better than shoveling non-food items onto my plate in order to feel better about my indulgence. It doesn’t satisfy…at the end, there’s a bloated, nutrient-stripped soul wondering what went wrong.

I am not called to change anyone….or even to understand or explain them. God asks me to love him and love others as myself…that’s pretty much the sum of it. I don’t get to ‘fill-up’ on people that make me feel better about my own way of life. I get to rub up against people who feel a lot like eating beets to me (if you know me, that’s a sacrifice). Hearing them, seeing them, loving them is a lot like a trip to the salad bar some days….maybe not my first choice, but I’m better for it. Living life among other messy lives…because mine is certainly messy…is UNCOMFORTABLE…but necessary to effect change in me. I am healthier, more dynamic, vibrant and relevant when I choose to love rather than to fix.

It’s tough…most days, I’d rather grab the nearest clone and hunker down…but at the end, I’m left malnourished and weak. Whether I’m trying to understand the lives of the impoverished, the wealthy, the addicted, the abused, it’s all a lot like choosing nutrient-dense foods over my sugar-free frenzy…it’s more effort, more preparation, more forethought…it’s also more satisfying. In a gluttonous season, I can collect a whole pantry of friends and acquaintances who are stroking the ego of all the idols I’ve erected and making me feel that the “people are behaving” and “look how good life is”…but it isn’t real. What I need are authentic lives sharpening my life and making me think and feel and grow. I need grace for the gray. The people, like the food, won’t behave…that’s my job…

“Treat others just as you want to be treated.” --Luke 6:31

Its about the body

2011-03-03T16:07:00.001-07:00

"Christianity is essentially a social religion and that to turn it into a solitary religion is indeed to destroy it." John Wesley