Wife of A Wounded Soldier

No More Drama

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Wed, 16 May 2012 00:02:00 +0000

When Bryan was first injured we experienced a twist and turn almost every single minute of every single day. There was always news: bad news, good news and the occasional strange news. We lived in a state of hypervigilance and fear that he might lose his leg or break something else. Then, the post-traumatic stress presented itself and then we were floating in a thick sludge of constant drama.

There was drama when we entered the car. There was drama when we went to counseling. There was drama with the people caring for him. After years of fighting for what my husband needed, fighting the red tape, fighting the VA and fighting with each other, I was constantly stressed out. I noticed that if there was a day without any major upsets, one of us would start something.

War constantly consumed our lives. War had ripped everything away that was normal and happy. I reeked of negativity and saw everything as catastrophic. It didn’t help that none of my old friends knew what I was going through and even some of my own family couldn’t help me. All I did was complain about what Bryan did that day or what the VA got wrong. If I saw someone post something minor in comparison to what I was dealing with, I felt on edge and annoyed. Their life wasn’t that bad.

In the wounded warrior community I see others that are still stuck in that state of negativity and repeating reel of drama. It is an exhausting way to live. I remember once things started slowing down, and Bryan and I were at peace with our lives, I thought, ‘Now what am I going to talk about’?

Although I may not have as much to talk about, I feel much happier and more at peace than I did in that shaky environment. It feels good to not feed off of others’ drama and engage in things that simply don’t matter.

Building Strong Bonds

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 20:58:00 +0000

A few weeks ago myself and two other wounded warrior wives headed to Hilton Head, S.C., for a retreat. Hope for the Homefront is now leading Operation Homefront’s Wounded Warrior Wives retreats and this was the first retreat that I had been on with the new program. I really enjoyed the program as it touched on some topics that I haven’t seen before in other retreats. There were about 30 ladies in attendance. Some had been on our retreats before and others had never attended a retreat.

The first night we watched a skit about the evolution of military life as a wife and it showed how our expectations were extremely different than the reality of what we go through as a military spouse. We also talked with each other and wrote down how we felt on the first night of the retreat. After our session was over we all chatted in the hot tub and got to know each other better. I met some new, amazing wives that I can now add to my support circle.

On Saturday morning we had breakfast together and started our sessions for the day. The section on the difference between post traumatic stress disorder and traumatic brain injury was vital because symptoms overlap in both of these conditions and it can be challenging to know the difference. Marilyn Lash headed up this section and she has extensive knowledge on TBI. Her brother has lived with it since a young age and she has written books on brain injuries. The section on secondary PTSD was an eye-opener for a lot of the wives on the retreat. While secondary PTSD has been discussed in our forums and on our Facebook page, it was shocking to realize how many of the symptoms I had when I saw it on paper.

Sunday morning we could choose to participate in a small worship session or talk in another session with the other ladies heading up the retreat. I choose to participate in the worship session. That is a part of my life that I miss so much since Bryan can’t attend church. The crowds and noise are too much. Afterwards, we wrote a self-care plan. We focused on three areas where we need improvement and are lacking care. After we filled it out we wrote our own address on the outside of the envelope and in a few weeks we will receive the care plan in the mail as a reminder to do the things we need to do for ourselves. I think it is a great way to hold ourselves accountable as well as act as a reminder to take time for ourselves since we are so busy caring for everyone else.

Our last session on Sunday included the task of writing on a large sheet of paper three words that described how we felt at the conclusion of the retreat. We had a celebration to show everyone our three words. It was great to see how many wives felt a renewed sense of hope, friendship and understanding.

A few of us wives decided to stay another night since the weather was fantastic and we were having so much fun hanging out with those that understood. We relaxed by the pool and grabbed a yummy dinner afterwards.

I am so thankful that Operation Homefront’s Wounded WarriorWives, a private donor and Hope for the Homefront sponsors these retreats. I have heard amazing things coming from these retreats and I was glad to see the changes in these women for myself.

Why Can't I Have One?

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 18:31:00 +0000

When Bryan was just shy of ten years of active duty, he had planned on getting out of the Army so we could start a family. Then, the stop loss program prevented him from leaving the service; he deployed to Iraq and was blown up six weeks before coming home. The first couple of years after his injuries we were in survival mode and couldn’t even think about kids. During that time I was grateful that we didn’t have any children because it would have been much harder through his recovery and his PTSD and TBI issues. Once I started talking about having a family again, Bryan decided he didn’t want kids. He said “I can’t take care of you, what makes you think I can take care of a baby?”

Yet another cost of war.

This broke my heart. My dream has always been to be a mother. I have been a nanny off and on for so many years and have had motherly instincts since I can first remember. I knew fully what I was getting in to. We had a heart-to-heart in March, 2011, and with a little nudging he said he was willing to have a baby.

Since we started trying for a baby I have had issues with ovarian cysts and annovulation, which causes my body to ovulate irregularly. I switched to a new doctor in December because my old OB/GYN diagnosed me with polycystic ovarian syndrome(PCOS) and prescribed a diabetes medication without checking my glucose levels.

I liked the new doctor. He was pro-active and instead of making me wait he ran a bunch of tests, including a genetic test to see if I am a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis. My blood work and glucose came back normal so there was no need for me to be on the diabetes medication, but I did test positive as a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis. My heart dropped because if Bryan was positive as well we wouldn’t take our chances on having a child with such a life threatening illness. Luckily we found out that he was negative on all 33 strands. Praise God!
Since then I have been on two rounds of clomid, a mild fertility medication, neither of which have worked. I will be heading to an infertility specialist in April.

What is shocking and disheartening about this is that I am not a typical PCOS patient- I don't have an insulin resistance and traditional therapies aren't going to help. My only real issue is the annovulation and every few months I get an ovarian cyst. I work out, eat healthy, drink no caffeine and eat small amounts of sugar, doing these things are supposed to help with PCOS. I take care of my body but it isn't doing what it should. I wanted this one thing to be easy for me. Nothing in this entire relationship has been easy and this is not the exception to the rule. I have wanted to be a mother my entire life. Fertility medications don’t even work. I feel like my character has been tested enough. Why do I have to struggle with this too?

I wonder if the constant stress on me has caused these problems. I wonder why it was so easy for my mom and sister to get pregnant but not me. I feel like I wear a huge scarlet letter on my chest when we go to family functions. People ask me if I have kids and they ask when we are going to get pregnant. I just want to scream, “I CAN’T!”

We did everything right- we planned, we saved and had Bryan tested to make sure he wasn’t filled with toxins from all the shrapnel and exposure in Iraq. Bryan wasn’t making testosterone for years after being blown up but now it is miraculously on the low end of normal. We are praying he doesn’t have issues too. I am trying to remain positive but it is taking a toll on me.

I want my miracle. I am turning 30 in May and it is time for us to have a family. I have been holding on to this secret for a year and it is freeing to let it all out. I am not good at hiding things or lying to family members when they ask when we are going to have children. I am not good at struggling in silence. I do have a few friends that I am able to lean on because they are going through similar things. I am trying to remain hopeful and trust in God, but I question daily when or if it will ever be my turn.

Giveaway: My Memories Suite Scrapbooking Software

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 23:47:00 +0000

A few months ago I wrote this blog about the loss of my husbands' memories due to his traumatic injuries sustained from his service is Iraq. One way that I have been documenting our memories is through scrapbooking. I have some friends in the area that love to scrapbook too and we got together last month for a whole weekend of scrapbooking. Keeping our memories fresh in his mind is extremely important to us.

When My Memories Suite contacted me about offering this software for free to one of my readers I jumped on the opportunity. Even though only one person will win this amazing scrapbooking software, they are offering those that didn't win a discount on the downloadable software. Use this Share the Memories code STMMMS46189 that provides a $10 discount off the purchase of the My Memories Suite Scrapbook software and a $10 coupon for the MyMemories.com store - $20 value! What a great discount for all my amazing readers!

I had personally never scrapbooked via computer before so I was excited to check it out. I was thrilled when I saw the Military themed album and downloaded it immediately.

The software is easy to navigate and I created a new page layout within ten minutes of using it. I like the fact that it is easy to crank out the pages and it didn't take me a long time to create one page. Not to mention I didn't have scraps of paper lying around, glue under my nails, wasted time looking for the perfect paper or suffered paper cuts from creating a page.

I also loved that I could attach a song to my layout and can combine it with other pages I made to make a DVD. I could share my combined layouts at parties we have celebrating how far he has come since his injuries.

To enter to win the My Memories Suite scrapbooking software you must complete one or all of these steps by March 15, 2012:
1. Like me on Facebook and comment there to enter to win.
2. Tweet about this giveaway and be sure to mention me in your tweet.
3. You can even follow My Memories for extra entries to the contest.  Blog Facebook Twitter
4. Comment on this blog post to enter.

Good luck and happy scrapping.

Benefit Halted

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 23:01:00 +0000

Here we go again. Bryan’s combat related special compensation payment for January never arrived. We waited and hoped it was a little bit behind due to the holidays but when Bryan finally called we learned they had stopped the payment. This benefit covers the cost of his hyperbaric oxygen therapy treatment and several other bills every month. We received no notice that it was stopping. Bryan receives this benefit because his combat injuries were not considered severe enough to grant him a medical retirement. Instead, he receives this monthly amount as sort of a reduced retirement check. When he asked why the payments were stopped they said, “Because the VA sent a letter saying your rating was reduced and you only have sleep apnea.”
Last time I checked, he was blown up and his rating hasn’t been reduced.

About five months ago his case manager at the VA called to check on us and said he was listed in the system with only one condition, sleep apnea. I contacted the person she told me to contact to get his entire rating put in the system but I never heard back. I contacted his Federal Recovery Coordinator (FRC) and his VA case manager and made them aware of the situation. I asked CRSC if we could just send his entire award letter to them but they said no because the VA said it changed and the letter needed to come to the VA.

Both case managers have been trying to resolve the issue. We appreciate the help so much but at this point we are still waiting. It takes a long time to get things resolved within a government organization, so we are trying to be patient and hope the payment will resume next month. It would have been nice if CRSC had given us a heads up and then we could have resolved the issue with the help of our hard working case managers, but we were given no warning. This is a random glitch and I have no idea which VA center sent the letter. In their system the entire award letter has now been inputted but we need a letter sent to CRSC saying it is the same.

I was hoping 2012 would be a year without worrying about benefits or evaluations but I need to just assume this is par for the course. We will get it resolved eventually thanks to our case workers but my patience and our budget is wearing thin.

Giveaway: "Home Front" An Eye-Opening Book

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 02:21:00 +0000

I was sent the book “Home Front” by Kristin Hannah a few weeks ago. I started reading the book last week and I haven’t been able to put it down since I flipped open the first page. I finally finished it last night and I am still thinking about it today.

The main character, Jolene is in the National Guard and her marriage is on the rocks when she finds out she is being deployed to Iraq. She has a teenage daughter and a preschool age daughter and she feels extremely guilty for serving her country. Her guilt is fueled by the fact that her husband rarely spends any time with the family.

While Jolene is deployed, her husband, an attorney, gets a shocking look inside combat PTSD. A client he represents kills his wife after returning from war.

The author did an amazing job of portraying the emotions that go along with preparing for a deployment and the guilt a warrior feels leaving his or her family behind.

I was captured by the book when Jolene described her experiences overseas, flying helicopters with her best friend. She experienced mortar attacks, enemy fire, hero flights, transporting the wounded and seeing horrific injuries. While reading the book I felt my emotions bubbling up in my chest. I kept trying to stuff them down but it was a very accurate portrayal of what our warriors experience in combat and it uncovered some emotions I haven’t felt in a while.

It wasn’t until Jolene and her best friend were severely injured and she lost part of her crew while taking enemy fire that the tears started to flow. It was much like our story. It hit close to home.

It was heartbreaking to read how hard it was for Jolene to learn how to walk again, relive her combat experiences through her dreams, reintegrate with her family and grieve her loss. Through this fictional book I understood a little bit more what it was like for my husband to recover from his devastating injuries.

The last few pages were very emotional for me. As it came to a close I started to cry then I felt I should just let the tears flow. I can’t remember the last time that I cried but, it felt good.

My husband was asleep on the couch and I woke him up and cried in his arms. I felt I understood more about him by reading the book. Thank you Kristin Hannah for writing about the struggles our wounded warriors face. It was truly an eye-opening book. Thank you for putting into words what my husband might have felt coming back, wounded, so that I could better understand.

I will be giving three copies away to my readers. Comment below on why you would like to read this book and leave your email address so I can contact the winners. If you aren't a lucky winner you can buy the book.

Coming Jan. 31, 2012

Pre-order the hardcover edition of Home Front at these online retailers:

Pre-order the e-book edition:

Or you can check out Kristin's website.

We Can't Socialize Anymore

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 01:30:00 +0000

We used to have parties with soldiers all the time and we went out more before he got blown up. But not anymore.

I have been feeling some sadness since Saturday night. We were invited to a get together with our friends, and all of their friends, at their house. I was really looking forward to it and Bryan said he would come along. The problem is that our friends had a lot of friends there and it was just too overwhelming for Bryan. I am so thankful that he tried going but part of me feels so sad that he just can’t handle it.

We started out in the kitchen and someone we had never met was talking to us, asking what we do, etc. Bryan could barely focus on what he was saying and he left the guy hanging a few times on his questions. Finally, we just ended the conversation and moved on. I started talking to my friend and her friends and felt so guilty leaving Bryan in the kitchen alone and overwhelmed. I excused myself and I asked if he was feeling overwhelmed. Of course he said "yes" so we moved to a less crowded area.

Then he completely zoned out. His eyes glazed over, he tuned everything out and sat there, lifeless. He focused on the football game on TV that was playing with no sound. He cares nothing about football. I chatted a bit with the lady next to me but it just got awkward. Finally, I asked him if he wanted to go and he said he did. We stayed just over an hour total. As we were driving home I felt sad for him, and me. I want to be a normal couple that can go to a party and socialize with complete strangers.

I love that we are both handling our situation better but really, I just wanted to cry. I felt such emptiness afterwards. I am thankful that our friends understand and don’t get offended if we need to leave. But, it is hard not to compare my old life to my new life. I want it back sometimes. It isn’t fair that we have to stay home, or go to restaurants at slow times, or do the same things every weekend. I don’t want to go without him either but sometimes it is just easier.

These are what what low days look like.

Where Are His Memories?

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 23:11:00 +0000

Over the Thanksgiving holiday we spent time with Bryan’s brother and his family. His brother reminisced about Bryan learning to drive and recalled that he was driving too fast. His dad, who was in the front seat, warned Bryan to slow down and he wouldn’t so his dad pulled the hand brake to make him stop. His brother asked Bryan if he remembered this story and he didn’t. After another conversation about another childhood memory later in the day Bryan’s mother asked if he remembered. Once again he had no recollection of the events they were talking about.

On the way home from his parents, a buddy on Facebook posted a quote from Bryan. It read, “ditch, ditch, DITCH!- Bryan Gansner” This young man was driving the Humvee the night Bryan got blown up. I asked Bryan if he remembered the quote. He didn’t so I asked his soldier what happened. He replied, “We were pulling an all-night OP before a morning raid on a village and we were driving along a canal. I was heading straight for square dip on the right side. He saw it and started saying ditch, ditch, DITCH! I was like what is going on right before I hit it and broke the rim. First time I changed a Humvee tire in body armor. It makes me laugh every time I think about it.” I asked Bryan if he remembered and he said, “It sounds vaguely familiar but no, I don’t remember.” We decided not to tell his friend that he didn’t remember as to not hurt his feelings.

I milled over these missing memories for several weeks. I have so many memories from when I was a child, rich with details and he remembers nothing. I wanted to ask if he remembered our wedding. It was a double-edged sword. If he says no, I will be heartbroken. If he says yes, I will be relieved but would want to know exactly what he remembered. Finally, I got up the gumption to ask him. I said “Do you remember anything about our wedding?” His response was, “Yes, I remember two things.” That sinking feeling started to tug at my heartstrings. I said, “Ok, what do you remember?” He said, “I remember you walking down the beach and you looked beautiful and I remember these people kept walking by us while we were trying to get married and it pissed me off.” I responded, “I am glad that you remember what I looked like but honey we did get married on a public beach in Kauai, Hawaii, so they had the right to walk by.” Now that I look back I see some re-integration troubles after his first tour to Iraq.

Part of me feels heartbroken that he barely has any memories and part of me feels like I need to get over it and continue to document new memories so that he can remember them. It doesn’t seem to bother him too much that he can’t remember his childhood, details from his deployments or even all the details of his wedding but I haven’t gotten up the nerve to ask and possibly open a can of worms. I wish those memories hadn’t vanished when that bomb went off.

(This is where Bryan was sitting in the up-armored Humvee. His seat is soaked with blood and the floor was ripped open by the IED.)

My Wounded Warrior Family Selected For The Give Good Program

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 02:30:00 +0000

It was extremely hard for me to pick one person to receive the Gift of Good sponsored by Home Depot. I am one of those people that feels guilty when I can't help everyone. We had some amazing heroes apply but I selected a young wounded warrior and his wife. Their story touched me for many reasons, here is their story.

Nick was a flight engineer on chinook in the 160th SOAR special operations unit in the Army from 2001-2010. He loved his job. He volunteered for all his deployments, which ended up being 7 times to Iraq and Afghanistan. This was his career. Nick was part of Operation Redwing, where 16, 160th soldier and Navy Seals were killed when their chinook was shot down. Nick was part of the team to recover the bodies of his best friends. This was very hard for him. He remembers all of it and has visions of this horrible experience. This was very hard for his wife, Mary as well. When the information was on the news that one of their helicopters were shot down, Mary knew there was a one in four chance it was her husband. Mary had to wait three days to get word on the names of the soldiers that were in the crash. That was the longest three days of her life.

Nick deployed after the incident, and this time he was not so lucky. He was on a mission to pick up some Special Forces troops in the mountains of Afghanistan. They were trying to do a ramp landing when the number one engine failed in the helicopter. The chinook crashed and rolled down the mountain. All Nick remembers is that the helicopter was filled with smoke and he couldn't breathe. He helped some other guys get out of the helicopter and they ran as far up the mountain as they could before the entire helicopter was engulfed in flames and destroyed. By a miracle nobody was seriously harmed. The entire crew had to wait on the mountain for three days to be rescued.

After he came home from this deployment, a chinook from his unit was flying around in the states, like they did almost everyday. That chinook ran into a TV tower and crashed. The crash killed everybody on board except one. Two of the soldiers that died were on the crash with Nick just a few months before. Nick's unit was was small and close knit, so this was a huge blow for him.

A few months later, Nick started noticing blood in his urine. He went in for just some normal tests, and they couldn't find anything. They did a scope of his bladder, and at age 27 Nick was diagnosed with bladder cancer. He had to go through treatment for many months, and it was very uncomfortable for him. He has been cancer free for five years, but recently Doctors have found more blood in his urine. Bladder cancer is one of the most recurrent types of cancer, so they are prepared for more surgery and treatment soon. Hopefully it will be nothing, and they are hoping for the best.

He has severe PTSD from the war and cannot work. Nick tries not to leave the house. He has went from active and strong to an introvert and a recluse. His only communication is with his wife.

Nick suffers from PTSD, extreme migraines 8-10 times a month, IBS, herniated discs and strain in his neck and back, and surgeries in both of his knees. In fact, they just spent time in the ER last week because Nick's back is so bad that he cannot walk. He is 32 years old. They moved to TN from GA where we were stationed for 9 years.

Mary and Nick Yasenak need your help to win the $20,000 in home repairs from Home Depot. What I need you all to do is to stop by the Home Depot Facebook page and vote for my sweet couple.

I Didn't Want To Go

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 14:57:00 +0000

The first weekend in November I attended the second half of a two-part trip to NYC to meet with the Writer’s Guild of America. There were 39 other wives of wounded soldiers in attendance and it was sponsored by the Wounded Warrior Project. We were there to learn how to better share our stories and improve our writing skills. Both trips were fun, educational and full of camaraderie, but this trip was different than any I have been on before.

We went to the 9/11 memorial. I have avoided going for many reasons. This was my third trip to NYC in a year and I couldn’t bring myself to see the site where America was changed forever by terrorists. When those faithful towers fell I didn’t personally know anyone that was lost there and I barely knew anyone in the military and what the fall of those towers would eventually mean for them. I had the sinking feeling that because of 9/11 our country would soon be at war but I had no idea how it would impact me.

That morning I and all the other caregivers were feeling anxious. While I knew it would be emotional, I also knew I needed to go. I felt it was my duty to pay my respects and see for my own eyes what directly impacted every American at that time and still does today, ten years later. Those terrorists are the reason my husband went to war and why he eventually would be blown-up by a terrorist.

We took the bus to the sight. We were running a bit behind schedule and the bus driver was rushing to get us there. He got on the PA system and said he just found out that he was taking wives of wounded soldiers to the memorial and he said he was a veteran as well. We all started clapping for him. That is when my anxiety started to creep up. I felt it in every fiber of my body. I assumed I knew what impact it would have on me but didn’t truly know until I walked inside the museum.

There was a wall of faces and missing persons flyers. These families were offering rewards for their loved ones to be found. The faces were of those that died at the hands of terrorists. There were pieces of the planes and towers. There was a constant video reel playing that told the stories of those that had suffered because of this attack. My heart started to ache. I could feel emptiness in my bones. I felt like I could vomit and I was choking back the huge lump in my throat. I wandered off alone. I couldn’t see the other wives. It would be too painful.

I walked to the basement and started to look at little children’s drawings of the planes sidelining the towers. I read letters from all over the world from people who wrote what they felt on 9/11. I turned around and there was my dear friend with tears streaming down her face. She looked just as gutted as I felt. I grabbed her and we sobbed for a minute together. I look over and my other friend’s eyes were the most crystal blue and tears were streaming down her face. I wanted to run away. It felt too heavy.

We decided to get out of there before our allotted time was up. We stood outside looking at the freedom towers that were being built around the place where the World Trade Center fell. There was nothing really to say to each other. A huge red truck pulled up with the American flag and POW/MIA flag waved in the back and it was blaring God Bless America. I had a rush of chills run up my spine as that song always brings me to tears.

We walked over to the giant hole in the ground that is now two sets of beautiful fountains. There was a massive fence to my right with all kinds of excavators still trying to clean up the mess that the towers made when they fell. I almost didn’t want to look at it. I felt like a voyeur staring at the massive gravesite of so many. It felt like hallowed ground to walk on as I know so many lost their family members there. I sent up a silent prayer to those who will always suffer because of that day.

The fountains were undeniably beautiful and breathtaking. I tried my hardest to get a beautiful picture but it doesn’t really do it justice. The glowing names of those perished were inscribed on the wall surrounding the fountains. I read them as I passed by and tried to envision what they were like based on their names.

When the tour was over I felt relieved that I went. I think I needed to see it for some kind of peace and closure. I am thankful that I got to see it with many other wives that were suffering the loss of our husbands at the hands of terrorists and war. I know my husband will never be able to go to NYC, the streets are too busy and loud. But, I am blessed with the opportunity to go and share my losses with those that understand. I will never forget.

After spending my afternoon thinking about the families that lost so much because of 9/11 I got an email from a widow whose husband was a firefighter near ground zero. I had posted on twitter about a new program for veterans suffering with PTSD at Holliswood Hospital in NY. She happens to have started the yoga program with this program at Holliswood and felt compelled to email me. We started emailing back and forth and realized that I stood where her husband’s fire station was, Engine 10 Ladder 10.

It was like it was meant for us to talk. I found comfort in knowing how her family is doing ten years later and how she used her tragedy to help families dealing with combat PTSD. What a blessing to be able to connect with her and personally thank her for all that she sacrificed on the day that changed America.

Giving the Gift of Good, $20,000 to Help a Military Family

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 16:17:00 +0000

Thursday I was flown to Atlanta by the Home Depot Foundation along with seven other bloggers. We were given the opportunity to give back to Quest 35. Their mission is to develop and implement affordable-supportive housing programs that service the special need homeless and/or low income populations. They were building a section of housing just for homeless veterans. I was extremely excited to give back and was thankful for such an amazing opportunity to give the gift of good.

While at dinner on Thursday night we got the news that were were going to be able to give good to a military family in our community by receiving a $500 Home Depot gift card to purchase holiday decorations for a local military family in need.

These families will also be entered into a contest to have Home Depot fulfill their “Wish List” of home improvements up to a retail value of $20,000. Items on the “wish list” are things that will make a real difference in the long term efficiency and comfort of the family’s home, including things like a new HVAC system, new carpet, a new roof and new windows. The winning family will be determined by votes on a Facebook application on The Home Depot page November 29th -December 9th and announced on December 14th. They have a one in eight chance of winning the large makeover.

If you know of a military family, veteran or wounded warrior that lives in Knoxville, TN and are in need, please have them email me at GiveGoodKnoxville@yahoo.com no later than November 19th.

To enter you must:

You must have proof of serving in the military.

You must prove that you are in need of this service. I will determine this on a case-by-case basis.

You must live in Knoxville, TN.

You must own your home.

In your email please include:

Name

Contact Information

City

Branch of Service

Your story/need

Here are some pictures from our service project.

Before

After

The bench that Karie and I helped build

The blogger team

The almost completed veteran's homes

Check out the other bloggers that get to give the gift of good:

Pensacola/Mobile http://beingthewifeofawoundedmarine.blogspot.com/2011/11/recieve-20000-in-home-improvements-from.html

Northeast Connecticut area http://mymilitarylife.com/2011/11/14/giving-good-and-20000-to-help-a-military-family/

Montgomery http://www.perfectlyimperfectblog.com/2011/11/the-home-depot-give-the-gift-of-good.html

Northern California http://www.centsationalgirl.com/2011/11/building-benches-the-gift-of-good/

Nation wide http://militaryblog.militaryavenue.com/2011/11/home-depots-give-gift-of-good-contest.html

Austin, TX http://livingwithlindsay.com/2011/11/giving-the-gift-of-good.html

Hoping to Promote Change

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 22:21:00 +0000

Now that the drama with the hyperbaric oxygen therapy (HBOT) bill we received is settled, I think it is time for me to initiate some support to get this treatment covered for other wounded warriors across the board.

HBOT has helped my husband with traumatic brain injury and others even years after their injury occurred.

While HBOT helped my husband, the effects do not last forever. He has lost some of the gains he received from his initial therapy. Still, the benefits of this therapy are huge. Now that we know that Tricare won’t pay for everyone to use this therapy, I feel we need to make our congressmen aware of its benefits and push to have it covered by Tricare.

On February 4, 2011, "The TBI Treatment Act," HR 396, was introduced in the 112th Congress by Congressmen Pete Sessions and Bill Pascrell and Todd Platts, co-chairs of the brain injury caucus. This is the re-introduction of HR 4568 from Congress’ last session. The bill is expected to have a Senate companion soon.

The bill requires the VA or Tricare to pay for any treatment for traumatic brain injury (TBI) or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that works. The bill requires the VA or Tricare to pay for any treatment* for traumatic brain injury (TBI) or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that works. The bill language will cover the use and payment of HBOT treatments. Over and over, doctors have shown that the therapy helps veterans.

The bill language will cover the use and payment of HBOT treatments. Over and over, doctors have shown that the therapy helps veterans.

Reports of recovery after HBOT treatment have been remarkable and consistent from physicians around the nation.

Nearly every war veteran treated while they were in the service had their career saved, had their medical board cancelled independent of their HBOT treating physician and returned to duty.

On average, using only half of the HBOT 1.5 protocol, blast-injured war veterans experienced 15 point IQ increases from post-injury to post-HBOT 1.5 treatment, a 40% reduction in post-concussion symptoms, a 30% reduction in PTSD symptoms and a 51% decrease in depression. About 80% of everyone treated who was unable to work has returned to duty, work or school. About 55% no longer needed medication and the remaining veterans often needed less medication.

Though TRICARE has been paying intermittently and the VA has paid occasionally, HBOT treatment for TBI and PTSD is not routine, even though Tricare, VA and Medicare pay for 13 other approved HBOT indications. Note that HBOT is already FDA-approved, and paid by these payers, for three kinds of neurological indications and three kinds of non-healing wounds. The same cannot be said for any of the FDA-Black labeled drugs routinely given to our veterans suffering from TBI or PTSD.

The science is clear. HBOT is the only non-hormonal biological repair and regeneration treatment approved by the FDA. There has been a lack of understanding of the science about how oxygen heals. The belief that there is no treatment for brain injury has been the major hold-up for this breakthrough. There is in fact more evidence right now for HBOT 1.5 for treating brain injury or PTSD than there was for tPA for stroke treatment or angioplasty when they were both approved by Medicare and paid throughout the government system.

Please email your congressman and tell them how important it is for our veterans to receive HBOT treatment. Hundreds of thousands of veterans need effective treatment now and this legislation will make it possible.

Please help me in this effort to help wounded warriors get HBOT as part of their long term treatment plan. Visit this website to email your congressmen: http://www.hyperbaricmedicalassociation.org/387/default.nc?NoScript=1

*Specifically, the coverage will include treatments delivered using an already FDA approved drug or device; that follow an IRB-approved protocol; or for which there is improvement on standardized independent pre-treatment and post-treatment neuropsychological testing or accepted survey instruments or neurological imaging or clinical examination.

A Lost Battle, Won

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 17:56:00 +0000

A year ago this month I started the search for more hyperbaric oxygen therapy for Bryan for his brain injury. I started with phone calls to Tricare agents to see if this treatment was covered and I was assured it was.

A year later, roughly $40,000 in treatment was denied by Tricare. We received huge EOBs and bills. I logged hundreds of hours trying to figure out the issue. We have been blessed with amazing friends who helped us fight this battle and called in their contacts to help.

It was shortly after lunch yesterday when Bryan called my cell. He never calls me at work. He said, “I heard from UT hospital today about the bill.”

My response was “and?”

He said, “They accepted our proposed settlement of $4,000 and they will set up a payment plan.”

I literally jumped, shouted, praised God and exclaimed how happy I was. The total bill we received between the hospital and the doctor that treated him was $28,924.00. The total bill was reduced to $6,000.

I absolutely can’t believe it. I am so thrilled and so thankful. An enormous weight has been lifted off our shoulders. We can breathe easier, we can relax again and we feel good knowing another battle is won.

Our work is not done though. I am willing to be the example if it promotes change. I hope that somehow, some way this treatment can be approved for and purchased for our wounded warriors in the near future. It helped my husband and we wish he could have the boosters he needs for a lifelong treatment plan. For now, however, that is not possible.

I am going to do what I can to make more people aware of this treatment and how well it works. It should be used. I haven’t figured out yet how to do that but I hope by sharing this within my blog it might bring more awareness.

A Lost Battle

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 13:51:00 +0000

It has been almost a year since I spoke with Tricare about covering additional hyperbaric oxygen therapy for my husband’s brain injury. The treatment involves Bryan spending time inside a pressurized chamber where he breathes 100 percent oxygen. Studies suggest the treatment may help improve his cognitive skills lost in the blasts of Iraq. We felt that the therapy was working. Tricare told us they would cover it. We were thrilled.

Now, we have been told Tricare will not cover the massive bill and our lives have been a roller coaster ride. Medicare denied the claim and Tricare refuses to cover the treatments already rendered. We have lost this battle.

Tricare agents told us numerous times that the treatments would be covered once Medicare changed their denial code. However, now, we are being told different. A “Customer Care Agent” at Tricare did some digging and found out that the agency only covers the use of HBOT for the diagnosis of TBI for active duty. I am beyond upset. Tricare agents told us the wrong information over and over. We have tried to get legal help through Veteran’s Counsel but they can’t help us. We are stuck with the bill.

I have a wounded warrior wife friend who knows how to handle these issues and she graciously offered to help me write letters and keep sane. We wrote a demand letter to the hospital that treated him and asked for a settlement. We gave them 10 days to respond, but that day, September 6th has come and gone with no response. Our account has been sent to a collection agency. We were given no notice that this would happen. We were told repeatedly that the hospital was holding the account until we exhausted all the appeal processes. I hope every day that I will hear something, but I don’t.

I have contacted our congressman and he is trying to help. He has told us that he has made the appropriate phone calls and he will provide more information when he has it. If this doesn’t work I have no idea how we are going to pay the bill.

It is hard to not feel bitter, enraged, cheated, lied to and left high and dry for a bill that should be covered since Bryan sacrificed so much for this country. We received a grant from Healing Heroes Network to pay off the doctor’s portion of the bill. It was originally a much higher bill but once he found out it wasn’t being paid by insurance he reduced the bill. I can’t expect, nor would I ask, for non-profits to pay for a bill this enormous. This wrecks our plans, our financial stability and Bryan’s credit.

It is hard to not feel resentment that his injuries were not taken care of. This treatment gave us hope and our marriage back. We will work it out, we always do and we have one more person that might be able to help. I just feel disgusted. I feel like running away from this $20,924.00 bill.

5th Alive Day

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 00:59:00 +0000

It is hard for me to fathom that Bryan’s fifth “Alive Day” is today – the day an IED ripped his legs apart and left him with a brain injury and post traumatic stress disorder. It is the day he nearly died. We had all our friends and family over for his “Alive Day” party this past weekend. It is great to celebrate his life, his accomplishments and his health. However, I think this is the last celebration. It’s been five years and we have been working so hard to accept our new normal that it is time to move on. In many ways it feels like yesterday that I got the call, notifying me about his injuries. The memories come flooding back of all that we have been through. It hasn’t been an easy road nor will to continue to be. But I feel like we have made progress and are now better equipped to handle nightmares, flashbacks, pain, memory issues, medical appointments, the endless red-tape, and our marriage overall. It has been a huge adjustment but I think we have reached the point of acceptance.

Walter Reed shut down this week and that also brings back a lot of memories. I remember trying to find Ward 57 by myself as I prepared to see Bryan for the first time after he was injured. I was so scared of what I would see when I opened the door to his room. I remember the smells, the faces laying in the hospital beds and the long wait through each of his 15 surgeries. I remember how hard it was to manage the red tape, the appointments, the medicines, and the wound dressings, when I was overly tired and Bryan was in extreme pain. I will never forget how dirty the hospital was. I remember heating water from the sink in the microwave in a large puke bucket and carrying it up and down the hall so I could bathe him. I remember the first time I cried. I hoped to forget the cafeteria food, but that hasn’t happened yet.

It has been an emotional week flooded with memories and some sadness. While things have not been all bad since he was hurt, we haven’t had a normal marriage either. I feel he has prevailed through the worst of it and has finally accepted who he is now. We did get some good news on his toxic embedded shrapnel test-- he isn’t filled with abnormal levels of toxins or uranium. I am still fighting the payment for hyperbaric oxygen therapy and I am hoping this will be resolved soon. There are screws poking out of his heel which we are hoping don’t need to be taken out soon. These kinds of things will always be a part of our life, but that is alright. He is alive and he is here with me. Our marriage has survived and I look forward to more long term plans instead of seeing only the near future. We are blessed.

If you want to read about the day I got the phone call that changed our lives click here.

What happens if your wounded warrior or veteran passes away

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 21:48:00 +0000

Recently I have heard of several wounded warriors passing away years after their injury. My friend Karie lost her husband unexpectedly years after his injury. The benefits she was or wasn’t entitled to were unclear to her. I am sure most of us weren’t briefed on these kind of details either when medically retiring or entering the VA system. While it is horrible to think about, I felt that I needed to collect more information so we could all be prepared if this happened to us. I contacted our local veterans’ benefits coordinator to get the answers to my questions and I am sharing them with you. While the following provide an overview of what I discovered, please contact your local veteran’s benefits coordinator for details or questions that you may have.

Does disability pay stop immediately? As far as the benefits, yes. The veteran’s check stops and the VA is usually quick to stop the check to prevent overpayments. If there is an overpayment, the VA will recoup that check/direct deposit. They will usually reissue the last month’s check to the widow. If applicable, the spouses need to apply for Death Indemnity Compensation (DIC) as soon as possible.DIC is short for Death Indemnity Compensation. It is payable to the spouse of a service member or veteran who die from a service-connected disability or die on active duty.

How much does the VA pay for funeral costs? Veterans receive $300 per plot and $300 for burial costs if the death is not connected to service. They receive $2,000 if the death is service-connected. If they are buried in a federal or state-run veterans’ cemetery, the spouse does not receive the plot benefit.The VA also has the Non-Service Connected Death Pension benefit. This is a needs-based program that widows must apply for. It depends on their situation and the circumstance surrounding the veteran’s death.

Do they get to keep their insurance? Tricare or Champ VA? Champ VA, yes. As long as they do not remarry. You can't have both Tricare and Champ VA. Widows who have Tricare but are eligible for Champ VA, get Tricare. In most cases, DIC and benefits stop if the spouse remarries.
What happens to the GI Bill if the warrior didn't use it? If the veteran transferred the Post 9/11 to the spouse/children, they can still use it. The benefits had to have been transferred while the veteran was on active duty, drilling Reservist or in the Guard. The benefits cannot be transferred after death. If the Veteran paid the $1,200 into the Montgomery GI Bill (does not apply to Post 9/11) and the Veteran never used it, then the surviving spouse can request the money.

Does the spouse get any other education benefits? If the death is service-connected, the spouse and children are eligible for Chapter 35, Dependents Educational Assistance. If the death is not service-connected there are no additional educational benefits.

If the death isn't service-connected, what benefits do they lose? When a veteran dies, the service-connected disability payments the veteran was receiving stops. The surviving spouse needs to reapply as soon as possible for DIC, if the death was service-connected. This means the veteran’s death was related to the service-connected disabilities. The VA also has the Non-Service Connected Death Pension benefit. This is a needs-based program.

What benefits do widows receive if the death is service-connected? DIC of $1,156 per month, Champ VA medical insurance, unless they receive Tricare, and Chapter 35 Dependents Educational Assistance.

If the spouse elected to receive Survivor Benefits Plan when does that kick in? SBP is a DOD program that retirees can sign up for when they retire. It allows the surviving spouse to continue to receive a portion of the retiree’s retirement pay when the veteran passes away. DFAS works these claims as it is not a VA program. The spouse has to apply for SBP through DFAS. If you call DFAS at 800-321-1080, DFAS will send the proper forms. Due to federal regulations, the spouse cannot normally receive DIC and SBP at the same time. There are exceptions, depending how much each pays. Usually the spouse will receive DIC and get back all monies paid into SBP. It is very confusing.

Does the VA pay for the autopsy? The decision to perform an autopsy depends on the manner and location of death and the availability of the veteran’s surviving spouse or next of kin. For specific details check this website

Does Veterans’ Group Life Insurance pay in the case of suicides? Yes, there is no exclusion for suicides.

For more information on specific details of survivor benefits, check out this website.
Keep in mind some of the numbers on this website are incorrect due to COLA increases.

Another notable resource for military widows is the Gold Star Wives of America. The group has chapters nationwide and is actively involved in lobbying Congress for better benefits for veterans and widows.

Things Are Not What They Appear

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 20:41:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago I was sharing with someone a little about our story, about Bryan’s wartime injury. The first words out of this person’s mouth were, “he appears to be fine.” That is one of the most frustrating statements someone could ever say to me or my husband. This person had just met us and made a snap decision about our life in two hours time. This kind of comment discounts all the pain and suffering Bryan endures.

What is worse is this is not the first time I’ve received this comment. If this person would have looked at the damage to Bryan’s legs, revealed by the shorts he wore that day, they could have seen the lasting damage. What they cannot see is the damage to his brain tissue, the incurable PTSD, the anxiety and the depression that all linger long after the deployment. Instead, I replied with a simple “he might appear OK but he still suffers,” and ended the conversation.

I don’t think people realize that statements like that hurt. My husband has both visible and invisible injuries. Sometimes people notice the scars on his legs and ask what happened. Sometimes they don’t. I know people don’t really know what to say to someone with serious injuries but saying he appears OK is not the best option.

My husband really tries his best at all times to hide his injuries. He overcompensates at work because he knows he is slower or forgetful sometimes, both side effects of the damage to his brain. He tries to fight his PTSD and go into large crowds, social gatherings or concerts but it is hard for him. Veterans who suffer from PTSD quickly feel anxious and often threatened among crowds or loud and noisy places. Their minds instantly transport them back to the places where they were injured. It is impossible to feel safe.

Bryan has spent countless hours in treatment. There is no cure for PTSD and the success of treatments varies widely from patient to patient. It’s a slow process and a disease that can be completely debilitating. Still, we work and strive for recovery.

I am proud of him for trying to fit in and not make excuses for how he feels. This week has been especially hard —he has had a headache every day, another side effect of the injury. To make up for what he sees as a weakness, he works late when he isn’t feeling well. Now, his headaches seem to be more frequent and won’t go away.

I just wish that people would realize that things are not what they seem. Don’t discount or degrade what others have experienced. Just listen and try to understand.

We Need More Support--Period.

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Wed, 11 May 2011 22:58:00 +0000

This weekend a reporter from the Huffington Post came to our house to interview Bryan, myself and our friend Karie, whose husband Cleve was also injured in Iraq. Cleve passed away a year ago from an accidental overdose of medications prescribed to him by the VA while at an inpatient, PTSD program.

The reporter tells us he isn’t sure of the exact direction of the story but he is interested in learning more about the kinds of support the government and VA gives caregivers. We went to a non-working dinner with him Friday night and spent Saturday on our back deck detailing the time line of the injuries, our families’ friendships and the devastation of Cleve’s death.

It was emotional.

When I tell the story from start to finish the memories and loss come flooding back. The fights, the grief, the moments of hope, the disappointments of Bryan’s medical care not being covered—it’s all there. I have never had a reporter sit and listen for hours to our story. I have never had someone interested enough to want to tell our story and change the way wounded warriors are treated so other families don’t have to suffer.

I hope his story does some good. When my husband was lying in the hospital bed at Walter Reed I asked point blank if his medical needs would be taken care of. Doctors promised they would.

They haven’t.

We are now appealing our case to Medicare because the wording on the bill was incorrect. Tricare won’t pay either for the same reason. Now, we have $35,000 in unpaid medical bills arriving at our house on a daily basis.
This has to change and stop for others.

During our talk with the reporter, listening to Karie relive the same emotions I felt was painful. I felt like my chest was closing up and I couldn’t breathe. My heart was pounding . She is doing so well but she will never get over what happened to her husband.

The reporter eventually asked the question that they all ask: “What do you see for your future?”

This question always stops me in my tracks. We have been simply surviving for so long that the future is measured in seconds, minutes, hours, or days. I have ideas of what I want to do in the future but it’s hard to see the forest for the trees.

My sole focus right now is to get Tricare to pay his medical bills. Then I can breathe. Eventually, I want to earn my master’s degree. Bryan has also expressed interest in attending school but who really knows? Things, for the most part, have been stable for over a year. But there always seems to be something that pops up and zaps every ounce of our stability and peace.
I am looking forward to reading this reporter’s article. I hope it opens it helps to show the VA and the DoD what is really going on with our wounded warriors.

We need more support—period.

Milblogging Conference

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 00:45:00 +0000

I am headed to the Milblogging Conference in DC this weekend. I get to see one of my wounded warrior wife friends at the conference and meet a few people I have met in the blogsphere. After the conference is over three other wounded warrior wives and myself will be having a slumber party. It is going to be great. I admire these ladies so much and thankful to have them in my life.

Also I was nominated for best military spouse blog for the milbloggie award. You can vote for my blog and other amazing blogs here.

A Day in my Life

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 21:15:00 +0000

6 a.m.
I actually don’t have to be up until 7 a.m. but this is when Bryan’s series of alarms start. He needs the repeated alarms to get out of bed every day. The first one rang at 6:00, he hit snooze and the second alarm came at 6:05. He hit snooze again. Sometimes he might get up on the third alarm but usually, it’s not until the fourth. I laid there wishing I could sleep until my alarm goes off at 7:00. His legs ache every morning. He is stiff so he has to move around through the series of alarms until he drags himself out of bed.

He showered while I threw a pillow over my head to try and drown out the sounds. I am not a morning person. My alarm finally rang and Bryan brought a cup of caffeine to my bedside table. I smile every morning when he brings it because he is doing something sweet for me - a huge step for someone with TBI/PTSD. We met in the kitchen where he ate breakfast and I watched him pour out his pills and take them.

He has another sinus infection and a horrible cough so today he took another pill that isn’t in his normal collection. He develops bronchitis every three to four months now. Before his injury, he rarely became sick.
Bryan has been having some issues with his PTSD so we were off to the doctor. He needed to be seen, soon. I was surprised they worked him in since he called several months ago to talk about these issues and the earliest appointment was months later. The VA is always so backlogged that you can’t expect a quick appointment. It was comforting that they worked him in so quickly.

We arrived at the VA outpatient clinic at 7:45 for his 8:00 and checked in.

They asked about his job and insurance carriers. They copied his Tricare and Medicare cards. We thought this was strange since the VA should cover his care and not worry about what other insurance he has.

We headed down to the purple team hallway after a series of lefts and rights. Bryan reminded me that it was confusing the first time he came because he couldn’t remember how many lefts and rights he was supposed to take. I made a mental note to e-mail his case manager later to remind her of this and suggest that they post signs on the wall to direct the veterans.

We sat in the waiting area and talked.

Once we were called in to the psychiatrist’s office, we realized we were not seeing Bryan’s normal doctor since it is a last-minute appointment. She spent about five minutes going over his symptoms and told him to go up on one of his meds and in two weeks go down on another. She refilled his meds and sent us home with instructions for the new dosages.

Noon
I returned home and received flowers from a friend of mine. She is so thoughtful. She knew we were having a rough week and wanted to cheer me up. I am so blessed by the amazing women that support me.

I opened my computer and responded to a few emails for Operation Homefront’s Wounded Warrior Wives.

I checked the Wounded Warrior Wives facebook page and responded to some of our amazing caregivers and posted a new topic. I watched as they responded and shared information with each other. I am blessed with the opportunity to work with the most amazing women.

I received an email from Healing Heroes Network. They are a great organization that helps wounded warriors with treatment needs that aren’t covered by the VA or other insurances. I needed to email back a HIPPA release and a copy of the large statement we received from the University of Tennessee that my husband and I are currently appealing with Tricare for non-payment.

7 p.m.
Our dog Trixie was at the window, waiting for her daddy to come home. Trixie and Bryan have a special bond and she is very healing for him. Bryan always wanted his own dog so we adopted her the day after he was medically retired.

8 p.m.
I finished our day with a healthy meal and Bryan retreated to the basement with Trixie. I worked on my computer and watched some TV. Bryan coughed so much through the night that he slept in the basement in an upright position to help with the congestion.

At the end of every day, I reflect on what a wonderful support group I have. Even though they don’t live here, they support me from afar. I always try to find a way to melt away the stress from a large hospital bill looming over my head or when I see my husband in pain. I think some days it is hectic and hard to stay positive but I know that I am blessed my wounded warrior is still here with me today.

Another Battle

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 00:41:00 +0000

We have entered another battle.

Bryan has been using hyperbaric oxygen therapy (HBOT) to help treat his TBI. The therapy administers high pressure oxygen to help the blood flow in his brain. And, it’s working.

Bryan has better memory function, fewer PTSD episodes, less impulsiveness and better brain function. Still, his improvement does not seem good enough to justify the insurance companies paying for it.

Medicare denied the $9,0000 claim for HBOT. Now, Tricare is denying the claim as well even though they said they would pay once Medicare denied it. The hospital has appealed it as far as they can and they told us that the patient needed to appeal it now.

I’ve mailed his appeal paperwork but we are still receiving bills - $9,000 worth that is due now. We have another $20,000 in outstanding bills from the therapy. We don’t have that kind of money lying around. I know for a fact that Tricare paid for this same treatment for another wounded warrior. Why are they discriminating against my husband? Why are they making us fight? I am so tired.

This is our first appeal with Tricare and luckily another wounded warrior wife who has done this many times before is helping out. We couldn't be more thankful for the guidence.

What I don’t understand though is that even though my husband has three insurance companies covering him not one wants to pay for a therapy that works? The HBOT gives him gains that he has never made with pills or therapy.

I just hope we can get this worked out as soon as possible. I am so stressed over this and it isn’t healthy. I know it is stressing Bryan out too even though he doesn’t really have to deal with the paperwork issues.

I feel that the insurance companies want to cause families stress. I feel that they don’t want these warriors to make gains by thinking outside the normal box for treatment. I feel they want to waste time and money in appeals and make it a difficult trying process for families.

If Tricare does not pay for these services we could be in long term financial ruin. I need prayers, hope, the will to keep pushing, and patience. Luckily, I don’t give up so easily. So now, I will put on my proverbial boxing gloves and get this taken care of.

My Nightmares

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 13:02:00 +0000

Bryan luckily doesn’t remember what his nightmares are about. I can never forget the way he hyperventilates, shakes, runs his hand over me to “check me” and shouts things in military terms. And since he was injured, I have begun having extremely vivid nightmares myself.

In these nightmares, I can smell blood. The scent lingers when I awake. I am usually being attacked, falling or scared in the nightmares. I cry in my sleep and I feel like I am trapped in my dreams. You know the sensation of falling and you know you need to wake up before you hit? This is how it feels to be stuck in my dreams. Often, Bryan has to wake me up. He says I talk and cry but it takes him a while to snap me out of it. I don’t think I have ever talked about it before but I think this is probably a common issue for wives of wounded warriors.

I have several dreams each night and I remember almost all of them. I can see new military helicopters and vehicles that I am sure had never been invented. They are bombing me or we are rolling over IEDs. I have always been a vivid dreamer but never did I have nightmares several times a week. I also have nightmares about the battle’s aftermath. I dream about being stuck at the VA or Walter Reed. In my dreams I relive the agony of dressing Bryan’s wounds. It’s something I will never forget.

The nightmares stop me from ever falling into a deep, comfortable sleep. Instead, I am a light sleeper. When Bryan’s legs move all night because he is sore, I feel it. I wake up immediately if he is having a nightmare and I don’t go back to sleep.

Until recently, I required ten hours of sleep per night because I was so exhausted. But the nightmares began the day after I received the devastating call that Bryan was injured. That night, I dreamt that his soldiers were also injured.

I saw images of what it might have looked like when Bryan was first injured. I saw the terrorist’s face that did this to him. I didn’t sleep for days, haunted by these images. Four years have passed and I had hoped the nightmares would be gone. But here I am, still processing my trauma through nightmares.

Interviews and Guest Blogs

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 00:46:00 +0000

Over the past couple of months I have guest blogged or been interviewed by a couple of different websites. The links are below if you are interested in reading. These guest posts are raising awareness for Operation Homefront's Wounded Warrior Wives as well. I am thankful for the opportunity.

Like it for TIME Since TIME’s first issue in 1927, through all the wars, the Military Family has never been Person of the Year. After a decade of wars in the Middle East, it’s TIME.

Rudy Giuliani was chosen for Person of the Year following the September 11 attacks because he “embodied what was really most important, what we learned about ourselves, which was that we could recover,” a TIME editor explained.

The military family embodies what is most important, what we learned about ourselves, after a decade of war and multiple deployments: undeniable resilience and dogged support through year after year of painful, and sometimes permanent, family separations.

Family Fountain Blog is written by Warren Baldwin and he and his wife are shining examples of how to have a strong marriage.

Her War Her Voice supports Soldiers, Marines, Airmen, and Sailors by supporting their loved ones.

Identity

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 17:09:00 +0000

When I became a Wounded Warrior Wife in 2006 it became my identity. Caring for my husband’s every need was what came first and foremost. I spent my days at the hospital and my nights waking to give him medication or to calm him after a nightmare. We did everything in our power to find treatments, research symptoms, compare medications and figure out why things weren’t right. We did a lot of work together and being a WWW quickly became my identity.

I soon lost myself in his care. I followed him around, answered the doctors’ questions, spoke with case managers and filed the paperwork. I didn’t care for myself and I was fully immersed in his care. Further down the road of recovery I had to let things go. We both needed him to start caring for himself. I needed to quit being his mother. It was hard for both of us to let go. I felt anxious and grief when I did not attend his appointments.

Now, four years later, I realize that “wife of a wounded warrior” is no longer my identity. We don’t feel the need to tell everyone we meet that he was blown up. We have other interests than dealing with the VA, the army, benefits, and the frustrations of his injury. I started volunteering. I work longer hours at my job. I take care of myself. I feel that we are in a healthier place because of this.

I see others that are still wrapped up fully in that identity of wounded warrior wife. When you are dealt that situation, it is easy to feel hopeless. Trust me, I have felt that things would never get better or level out.

However, if we don’t let go of some of the stress and the workload, we will hold on to this as our identity forever. I know it is hard for those that provide 24/7 care to release that as their identity. I see those wives who are providing around the clock care also serve others or help out families in similar situations.

I truly feel that we were dealt this hand to not only help our own families, but so that we can give back to others. Wounded Warrior Wife doesn’t have to be our identity. It can be a vehicle to help others and a time to learn. If we can learn to let go, just a little, it comes full circle and we can use what we’ve learned in that role to help many, many others.

Mirroring

noreply@blogger.com (Wife of a Wounded Soldier) — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 21:32:00 +0000

There is a term used in psychology that is called mirroring. Mirroring is the behavior in which one person copies another person usually while socially interacting with them. It may include miming gestures, movement, body language, muscle tension, expressions, tone, eye movement, breathing, tempo, accent, attitude, choice of words/metaphors and other aspects of communication. It is often observed among couples or close friends. We all do this naturally but I feel I do it even more when dealing with my husband in social situations and his PTSD.

To make Bryan more comfortable I mimic his tone and body language. My husband has never been an overly loud, animated, or bubbly person. I think the Army trained him to be calm, cool and collected at all times. For a very long time Bryan never got excited. In social situations it made him very uncomfortable for me to be overly excited or outgoing. When we entered a room full of people he darted to the corner. If I got too loud he said so in front of others. While it was embarrassing, I understood that it was just too overwhelming for him. Now, to make things go more smoothly, I mimic his actions.

I also repeat his words in the same tone when he is having trouble understanding so that he can hear what he asked or said before I respond. I never realized how much I do this until we are in a social situation. He is uncomfortable meeting new people so I follow his cues. I mimic his body language and pay close attention to his eyes and breathing. If he is flat in his expressions I try not to be overly expressive.

My personality is one that is outgoing and I get excited over little things. I love being high energy and outgoing but sometimes I have to step back and see if I am being detrimental to my husband’s level of comfort. Mirroring has drawbacks. When I mirror my husband, it takes away from my personality. Sometimes, I have to hold back. But, I think for anyone that is dealing with someone who has PTSD or a brain injury, it is important to mirror them. I am able to get Bryan out into social situations and make him comfortable. We all do it naturally, but those of use dealing with serious injuries probably make more of an effort.