Wifetacular

Officially a graduate

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 16:41:00 +0000

Thank you, thank you, thank you to Meg from A Practical Wedding for including me in her wedding graduate series!

I used her blog as a cheap free form of therapy all through my planning process. Now that I've come out the other side full of knowledge (pictures look better in the rain) and enlightenment (it's OK to have an emotional moment in the middle of David's Bridal over a dress you picked up off of the mother-of-the bride rack) I'm honored to be able to share my experience with all of you.

Because I will never tire of showing off our wedding pictures...

We sat at a sweetheart table decked out with baby's breath, a vintage tablecloth, and a bottle champagne. My sister surprised us with a slideshow full of funny pictures.

There were actual CHILDREN actually INVITED.

In twenty years, we might be attending the wedding of these two. Love connection anyone?

My first attempt at bouquet making turned out pretty damn good. I might have found my new profession. I'm not joking.

Weddings are awesome.

all photos by the rad Jorge Garcia.

project: picture picks

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 13:54:00 +0000

I recently made these picture picks for my mom's 50th birthday party. I highly recommend crafting some up for the next shindig you are attending/planning/crashing. People love looking at old pictures. People also love food. Put the two together and have your guests eating and reminiscing for as long as it takes them to plate up a few crab cakes and crudites. I chose the least embarrassing photos of my mom throughout the years. If you are mean to your loved ones, I recommend using a smattering of the most hideous, fugly, completely and utterly mortifying pictures you can get your hands on.

The best part is that the project takes less than a hour and uses products you most likely already have. Free and quick?! This is my kind of project.

Tools:

some old photos
scissors
cardstock
glue, I used hot glue, could also use any glue suitable for paper
toothpicks

1. scan the photos

2. using a photo editing software, crop to any size you want. Mine were about 1.5" x 3".

3. print out on cardstock

4. cut out with scissors

5. place the cardstock photo face down, add a small drop of glue, place the toothpick in glue

6. when the glue is dry, stick into anything! like cupcakes! or carrot sticks! or chicken wings!

If you don't have accessibility to a scanner or photo editing software, another method is to use a color copier on regular paper.

Etsy has food?! What?!

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 01:22:00 +0000

Stop what you are doing. Buy these caramels.

From Have It Sweet's Etsy shop, I almost died during my first bite. Side note: why did it take me this long to discover that I can order SNACKS off of Etsy? Not just any snacks, but, vegan, colorful, bacon flavored, penis shaped, snacks delivered straight to your front door. If someone out there could combine those four descriptives into one edible delight, I would be your best friend forever. Oh wait...bacon and vegan don't go together. Whatever, I can dream.

Back to the caramels. They are sweet and salty and chewy and buttery and chocolaty and spicy. The heat from the cayenne pepper is perfectly balanced with the sweet of the chocolate with a kick from the fleur de sel. The 1/4 lb log of caramel currently lives in my desk drawer at work. Right next to the steak knife that I cut it with. That's right, don't mess with me, I have a weapon.

picture from Have It Sweet's Etsy shop.

post not sponsored, i just really like caramel.

on keeping his loins tingly

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 23:01:00 +0000

Did you make a collage of your face today? Yea, didn't think so. At least my mouth is closed in all these pictures.

This hodgepodge was made to show a few of my hairstyles over the past four years. Can we look at the one at the top left circa 2003 please?! OH MY. My head looks like a bowling ball with hair. I'm off to the salon tomorrow for a cut and color, which is when I always tempt myself to go back to my original reddish-brown color. Adam only knows me as a blonde and prefers me stick with that, but sometime I have fantasies about a life where I don't have to dye my roots. A world where I don't have to sell my first born to afford some good highlights nor spend three hours of my life at the salon.

Ahhhh....to be a brunette again....I would be rolling around in all the free time and extra cash!

But, alas, as Patti Stanger would say, the blonde hair "gets his penis up."

I relayed this to a coworker today who exclaimed, "I'm so sick of all you married people only doing things your husbands want and not things that you want."

Let's discuss this. Before I was married, I would have said the same thing. I'm all about the independent woman who does what she wants when she wants to with whatever hair color she's sporting that week. But, men are mostly* visual creatures. Their brains are wired to respond to what they see, instead of what they hear or feel, unlike women. Keeping my hair blonde, although not my personal choice, is a small compromise I'm willing to make for his happiness. That sounds really dramatic.

Any physical appearance aspects that you have changed or kept due to your partner's asking? Annoyed by woman "giving in" to their husbands wishes?

*besides when it comes to eyelashes

ladies, put away your weird eyelash cream

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 03:33:00 +0000

Scene:

me at the table on the internet, him on the couch. TV on. Latisse commercial comes on. (you know, the magical prescription only eyelash grow gel that could make you blind)

Him: Why would anyone need this strange chemical to grow their lashes?

Me: Because this commercial is telling us women that if we don't have long, thick, luxurious lashes we won't be able to awkwardly dance with a cute boy at our blonde friend's birthday party. We will be lonely and sad and cry all night long over the fact that no man will every love us and our stubby lashes.

Him: I married you and have not once looked at or noticed your lashes.

Eating This Week 7

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 17:30:00 +0000

I discovered the peppery, crunchy goodness of radishes last week. I put them on veggie burgers and chopped some up with cucumber for a little side salad. Anyone have any luck at roasting radishes?

Yesterday, I dug my crockpot out of the closet and cooked up a humongo pork shoulder with root beer sauce. I used a recipe out of my Taste Of Home cookbook, but wasn't happy with the results. The sauce wasn't flavorful enough and my pork didn't exactly fall off the bone. This could be due to the fact that the pork shoulder could have been slightly too big for my crockpot and I had a hard time cutting all the fat off. Nothing like spending a Sunday afternoon cutting the skin off a pork. It's edible, just not ohmygosh mouthwatering edible.

A week full of lots of leftover pork sandwiches:

Monday - Lunch: leftover pork and salad, Dinner: coconut rice with chicken
Tuesday - Lunch: leftover coconut rice, Dinner: leftover pork sandwiches with salad
Wednesday - Lunch: veggie burger with radish/cucumber salad, Dinner: twice baked potatoes and broccoli
Thursday - Lunch: buy out, Dinner: buy out (I have quilting class. Adam is on his own, which translates into either peanut butter and jelly or mac n cheese)
Friday - Lunch: veggie burger and canned soup, Dinner: pasta with turkey sausage
Saturday and Sunday - a combo of eggs, tuna sandwiches, BLTs, and pancakes. Not all at the same time, that would be gross.

ok, that was dumb

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 23:19:00 +0000

Cue scene, Friday afternoon, snow storm:

I arrived home early from work, the snow accumulated about 12" with more on the way, perfect scenario for homemade granola bars. Specifically, thick, chewy granola bars from The Smitten Kitchen. With my snow boots zipped up, I trekked out to the health food store a few blocks away for the ingredients. Anyone who lives in an apartment in a city with the grocery store in walking distance knows the pain of carrying bags home. For those who live in such luxuries as houses, let me explain: usually, I get to the store with a list, and of course fill the basket with more than I can comfortably carry. Especially during a snow storm, when I think that I need to stock up on hundreds of canned goods. What am I doing with a can of beets anyway? So, I leave the store, struggling to carry eight bags filled with unneeded groceries in a blizzard, uphill, on snow covered sidewalks. It's not too bad, I've learned to put up with the pain of my fingers almost falling off, that is, until I reach the front door of my building and need to balance all the bags on one hand while finding my keys and opening the door with the other. Oh yea, lots of fun.

So this was me on Friday. I went to the store for rolled oats and raisins, yet came back with cans of organic coconut water, a years supply of mint tea, agave nectar, and a million other things I honestly do not need. I managed to enter the building without incident, even took the elevator ride to the 5th floor without losing a finger. My keys went into the lock of the apartment door, at which point I decided to take off my dirty boots to leave in the hallway. While balancing eight hundred bags, I kicked off my boots, walked into the apartment, closed the door, and that was that. I did it! I made it back to my apartment unscathed while carrying a thousand bags uphill in a snowstorm storm!! I am the greatest woman of all time!

The granola bars came out delicious. Ooey gooey, chewy, and yummy.

Fast forward to six hours later, Adam goes to take out the trash. He opens the door and hears a little jingle, jingle.

I LEFT MY KEYS IN THE DOOR. On the OUTSIDE of the door. I have a feeling that I A) won't be going to the grocery store by myself in a while, and B) won't live this one down.

Eating this Week 6

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 00:50:00 +0000

If I could, I would hang out with my husband every second of everyday for the rest of my life. I would sit, quietly, three inches away from his face and stare at him. Then, we would hug for four days straight only breaking for personal bathroom activities. After that, a few weeks of kissing followed by a couple of days of me saying, "what are you doing now?", "how about now?", "tell me what you are thinking THIS VERY SECOND."

This would be followed by him jumping out the window just to escape all the togetherness and love and unicorns.

Currently, he is on a business trip, and although my preferred life would include spending every second soaking in his aura, I'm loving these few days of alone time. Running solo this week, only cooking for one, puts a curve in my weekly meal plan. Since he isn't here, my dinners are going to include ingredients he doesn't prefer, like coconut and olives. Since I'm the only one eating, a few nights will be lazy aka cereal and ice cream. In a few moments, oatmeal cookies will be made. If I could predict the future, I see only half the batter making it into the oven and the other half making it into my mouth. RAW. Aaaaaaahhh...paradise.

Monday: Lunch - veggie burgers, Dinner - we had turkey sausage and pasta
Tuesday: Lunch - I bought out, Dinner - I had the leftovers from Monday, oatmeal cookies
Wednesday: Lunch - chickpea salad with tomatoes, olives, and cucumbers, Dinner - Coconut Pineapple Rice with chicken
Thursday: Lunch - leftover coconut rice, Dinner - maybe oatmeal cookies, maybe cereal, who knows?
Friday: Lunch - veggie burgers with salad, Dinner - order in
Saturday: Lunch - eggs and turkey bacon, Dinner - out for BBQ with friends
Sunday: scrounge around the kitchen for something that looks edible

Bunting! Bunting! Everywhere!

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 19:27:00 +0000

Inspired by the huge (so huge it's almost dead) bunting trend happening, I crafted up a card for my brother-in-laws birthday. He is turning 31 and I'm sure that he A) has never heard the word bunting, B) could give a damn about some silly little flag trend, and C) is more concerned about the gift card than all my hours of hard labor put into the actual card, but I think it's cute and that's all that matters.

If you are just dying to make your own, you will need a few fabric scraps, scissors, a 5x7 blank card, a sewing machine*, and thread. *this is optional. you could also hand stitch the flags on, which would take a little longer, but still look awesome.

1. Randomly cut about 20 small triangles from the fabrics.

2. Very lightly pencil two curving lines onto your card where you want your bunting to go. Place the small triangles along this line to get a feeling for what the card will look like. If you hate it, erase the lines and try a different layout.

3. Add a coordinating color thread in your sewing machine. I used a navy blue. Pile up the triangles in the order you want to sew them. Starting with the first triangle, slowly stitch it using the straight stitch.

4. When your ready to add the next triangle, stop the machine with the needle down, lift up the presser foot, and slide the next one into position. Stitch. Repeat until the first row is finished.

5. Do the same on the second row, making sure to that the top of the triangles slightly covers the pencil line.

6. Once all the triangles are stitched on, cut the extra threads close to the card. You're done!

My husband the anti-germ

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 03:45:00 +0000

I have cold.

A bad cold.

One of those colds where a trail of used tissues and couch drop wrappers follows me from room to room. My last four meals consisted of canned soup. Not even the good homestyle, chunky canned soup. The condensed chicken noodle varieties that have lived in the back of the cupboard for the past 27 years. I might have even moved the can I just opened from my last apartment to this one. What kind of crazy person moves canned goods from apartment to apartment that might or might not be expired? A smart person, that's who. A person who knew that one day she will have a cold and will need to nurse herself back to health with good, old fashioned condensed soup.

Little did this person know, that while enjoying her decadent meal of mushy noodles and mysterious looking chicken pieces, her husband would be spraying her down with anti-bacterial spray. Oh, I wasn't the only one to get the spray treatment. No one was held back from THE SPRAY. He came at the couch. My clothes. The remote. Our bed. The toilet paper. Every oxygen molecule in our small apartment. It was all sprayed with what I think said "anti-bacterial". Every time I sneezed, SPRAY. A small cough, SPRAY. Breathe, SPRAY.

We haven't kissed in 48 hours. TOO MANY GERMS. AHHH! The Germs!! Get the SPRAY!

Yes please. I'll take one of each.

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 15:49:00 +0000

I live within walking distance of a Target. It isn't the biggest Target, or the cleanest, or the best stocked. The employees are not the nicest or the most helpful. I always happen to go on "bring your four crying children to Target" day and the check-out line is constantly ten deep. But. BUT. Come March 14, I will be able to leave that store with a bike, teapot, and ceramic bowls, all adorned with one of these gorgeous patterns from Liberty of London for Target:

AND. If you love the patterns but don't like bikes, teapots, or ceramic bowls, you can download the patterns in an assortment of sizes on the Target website . That's where I found the above images.

Eating This Week 5

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 01:13:00 +0000

A little late on the menu scheduling this week. Let's blame it on a day off of work and the cold that has taken over my head.

Monday - Dinner: Chunky Vegetable Soup (see recipe below)
Tuesday - Lunch: leftover soup, Dinner: roasted chicken thighs and potatoes, salad
Wednesday - Lunch: leftover soup with a veggie burger, Dinner: stir-fry kit courtesy of FreshDirect
Thursday - Lunch: veggie burger, leftover stir-fry, Dinner: who knows, I'll be at my quilting class
Friday - Lunch: buy something, Dinner: pancakes and eggs (can I get a "woo hoo" for breakfast for dinner?!)
Saturday - Lunch: scrounge something up, Dinner: at my mother-in-laws
Sunday - um....

Just blew snots all over my keyboard. Time to go to bed.

Chunky Vegetable Soup

3 cups V-8 juice
4 cups water
1 tbsp olive oil
2 onions, chopped
8 carrots, sliced
4 celery stalks, sliced
2 garlic cloves, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
2 cups cabbage, chopped
1 container frozen corn
1 container frozen green beans
1 container frozen peas
1 can chick peas, drained and rinsed
28 oz can diced tomatoes, not drained
1 tsp marjoram
1 tsp thyme
1 bay leave
salt and pepper to taste

In a super huge pot, cook the carrots, onion, celery, green pepper, garlic, and oil until onions are slightly transparent. Add everything else. Bring to boil. Cover, lower to simmer, cook for 45 mins. Makes 10-14 servings.

The Gap just made a really funny joke

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 00:14:00 +0000

This has to be a joke, right?

Before things get heated in here, I feel it would only be fair to admit that I love The Gap. It is my go-to store for all things cotton and comfy, including t-shirts, undies, basics, and their staple: jeans. The base retail price of their items is ridiculously high for what it is, which is why I will only make a purchase if it is on sale.

A few months ago, they relaunched their denim line with softer fabrics, better cuts, fashion forward washes...etc. The changes, in my opinion, improved their denim assortment, which, I have yet to own, because of the lack of sales. Now, they have taken it one step too far. One step over that invisible line into a world I like to call ARE YOU JOKING ME?!

OK, I get the tag line, "It Starts With Good Jeans." Jeans. Genes. haha. The Gap made a pun. Funny, funny. A quote from The Gap website:

Made of snuggly-soft cotton, the new babyGap premium denim collection ($15 to $30) includes iconic shapes and styles you and your fashionable tot will love. It also features some non-denim pieces like a crisp white button-down, smocked top and onesie.

I don't roll in a social circle that includes a lot of toddlers, fashionable or not, but apparently they LOVE iconic shaped denim and crisp button-downs. I bet they love the new premium denim line so much, that there is a .5% less chance that either poop or pee or regurgitated prunes won't end up all over their stylish new pieces. Moms - agree?

the art of separating egg whites

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 00:12:00 +0000

I don't have any special secrets for separating egg whites. I try to do it the old fashioned way and end up with pieces of shell and bits of yolk in my whites. Nothing is more painful then screwing up the last of 12 eggs for an angel food cake recipe and dropping chunks of yolk into a bowl of perfect whites then trying to beat these whites into lovely peaks for 45 minutes. Yes, the recipe was correct to note that ANY YOLK at all in the whites will RUIN THE PEAKS. Now that I just messed up a whole dozen eggs, time to look for an easier and foolproof way to separate damn eggs.

Introducing, my new friend, Mr. Chicken. Given to me by my grandmother for Christmas, he has been a very welcomed addition to my kitchen. Just crack a whole egg into his head, then pour the whites through his mouth. GENIUS.

He's a kitschy masterpiece.

Buy your very own little guy and thank me later.

European Adventure Part III

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 01:39:00 +0000

Adam and I recently returned from our European Adventure part III. Part of the reason we can take these crazy trips is that I am lucky enough to have an awesome job that sends me to Paris. After I was finished shopping working in Paris, I met the hubs in Amsterdam. From where, after a few days of pot and boobs, we trekked over to Dusseldorf, Germany, and then to Brussels.

Like all of our trips, and pretty much most of our lives, we concentrated on eating. What we were eating now, where we were going to eat later, if I had enough snacks in my purse for the train ride, which chocolate shop was tastier, how many waffles can I cram into my pie hole at once, this menu isn't in english and I have no idea what I just ordered but what the hell I'm in Brussels so f*ck it...you get the idea.

First, it was the coffee. Or, when in Europe, the espresso. Maybe it's so good because each cup is brewed the second you order it? No day-old bottom-of-the-pot brown sludge here people. Or that the milk is always perfectly foamed? Or, hey, let's forget about the milk altogether and top off the espresso with a cup of CHANTILLY CREAM*. We drank cappuccinos with dessert and we drank them in bed. Want another reason the Europeans are awesome: each time you order a coffee, it comes with A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE OR A LITTLE COOKIE. Genius.

While we are discussing breakfast, let's move on to waffles. Belgian waffles to be exact. Belgian waffles FROM A TRUCK. See that little yellow magnificent vehicle in the picture on the bottom left? Children, that is where waffles come from. If I didn't have to go through two separate lines of security at the airport, one of my bags would have been filled with these waffles.

As our conversation has turned to carbs, let's look at frites. French fries. Delicious, crispy, warm french fries that are automatically accompanied by a glob of mayonnaise. Kind of makes you crave a green vegetable, no? I could die over the cuteness of that little, orange fork. I have a sweet spot for small utensils.

*I might or might not have indulged in that exact concoction as a lunch dessert.

Eating This Week 4

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 01:43:00 +0000

Yes, there has been a pause on the Eating This Week posts. First, I spent 10 days in Europe, and if I were to have preempted that trip with a food plan, it would have read something like this: beer, waffles, more beer, chocolate, pancakes, german sausage washed down with beer, cappuccino, croissants, french fries, espresso, a few more pastries, and mashed potatoes. Not the healthiest ten days, none of my clothes fit, but it was well worth the deliciousness that crossed my lips. Then, we got back from Europe, and, well, it just wasn't happening last week.

Now that that ridiculousness is over, onto real life:

Monday - Lunch: leftover quesadilla from our Super Bowl snackfest. Dinner: Linguine with Sun-Dried Tomatoes from Frolic Fancy Free.

Tuesday - Lunch: coworker's birthday lunch at local vegetarian indian buffet. Dinner: Pork Chops and green beans.

Wednesday - Lunch: leftover linguine and salad. Dinner: grilled chicken cutlets, broccoli, fake out mac 'n' cheese (recipe below).

Thursday - Lunch: veggie burger stacked with fresh veggies, carrot sticks*. Dinner: whatever I can grab on my way to quilting class.

Friday - Lunch: leftover mac 'n' cheese, salad. Dinner: leftovers aka whatever we have left in the fridge.

Saturday and Sunday - honestly, I just can't seem to plan this far in advance.

My Famous Fake Out Mac 'n' Cheese
-a few handfuls of elbow macaronis
-two Laughing Cow light swiss wedges
-a splash of milk
-seasoned bread crumbs

Cook the macaroni. While still hot, mix in cheese and milk. Divide into as many bowls as people you are serving, sprinkle with breadcrumbs.

Sounds weird and gross, but it's quick and delicious.

*try to hold your excitement over this lunch.

when did the phone book get creepy?

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 03:50:00 +0000

My coworkers and I were swapping weird/crazy facebook stories this week over lunch, and while Rachel* was describing her's, faces of disgust and shock swept the table as she spoke three, innocent words: The Phone Book

The summery of the story:

Rachel, now in her 40s, was contacted through Facebook by a boy she once dated when they were both 16. They engaged in friendly banter over Facebook messages, he asks for her number, they continued reminiscing over the phone. Now, as Facebook friends, he started putting off-color remarks on her wall. A few days go by, and flowers arrived at her house from him. She gets freaked out, naturally, and she called him to ask where he got her address. His answer: THE PHONE BOOK.

Cue looks of disgust, fear, and shock all across the lunch table.

When did it start feeling icky that someone, anyone, can find a home address in the phone book? No less than ten years ago, the phone book was the first place I looked for residential addresses and, god forbid, PHONE NUMBERS. Need to send a thank you note to my professor? Look in the phone book. How about the number of the smart kid in history class for last night's homework assignment? Yep, Mr. Phone Book.

Fast forward ten years, people put their whole lives online, especially on Facebook. Their jobs, email addresses, videos of their kids, drunk pictures, wedding pictures, hobbies, religion, likes, and dislikes are all out there for someone, anyone, to see. Yet, when one of their "friends" looks their home address up in the phone book, we were all shocked. SHOCKED.

Note to all: unless you want to be labeled a creep or a weirdo or a stalker or a sleezeball, throw out your phone book. I would toss mine, but I don't have one.

*coworker's names changed to protect the innocent

all my pants must be joking

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 02:44:00 +0000

An open letter to all pants, jeans, and skirts in my closet:

I know you all must be playing a very mean joke on me. After I close the closet door I can hear the whispers, the soft chuckles, the planning of your next move.

Hey, let's all shrink a little each week.

It'll be comical to watch her squat and kick and wiggle to pull us on every morning.

Just wait until she gets to the buttons....that's the BEST part.

Yo pants, SO NOT FUNNY. Skirts, DO I LOOK LIKE I'M LAUGHING? And you, Mr. Skort, I realize that you have been ignored in the back of the closet, but your abandonment issues are not a reason to play mean, mean tricks on me. If you don't stop shrinking soon, I'll cutting you all into shorts. That's right, shorts. Shorts so short that the pockets hang out the leg. Maybe I'll get crazy and splatter bleach on you too. Ooh, and I'll rip your wide seams and hold them together with safety pins. Do you want to end up back in the early 90s? I DIDN'T THINK SO.

I refuse to believe that all the gelato I ate on our Italian honeymoon had anything to do with this. It's perfectly normal to consume gelato twice a day for 10 days. PERFECTLY NORMAL. Next came Thanksgiving and Christmas, which we all know, are holidays filled with vegetable crudite', skim milk, and wheat germ. I heard that waffles and chocolate, especially when eaten out of a truck on the streets of Belgium, are a nutritious and healthy breakfast. So full of nutrients, that it's common culture to have a few a day for at least three days straight. These three months post-wedding, with all the couch cuddling, sleeping in late, laziness, and eating out, couldn't have had an impact either. We all know that laying around with your husband and feeding each other ice cream counts as exercise. I mean, all that arm movement from mouth to bowl, it gets exhausting.

So, my lovely pants, skirts, and lone skort, since the problem of us no longer fitting each other is OBVIOUSLY SO NOT MY FAULT, please reconsider your notfunnyatall shrinking joke. Yes, it might give a chuckle to witness the gymnastics I practice to pull you up in the morning. And it also is probably amusing to see me trying to find a shirt that is flowy enough to cover the fat hanging over your waistband. But, please, expand back to your regular size so we can look cute together again instead of a stuffed, overflowing sausage.

Respectfully,

your owner

Eating This Week 3

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 01:46:00 +0000

On Thursday night I leave on a business trip to Paris. Yep, getting paid to go to Paris to GO SHOPPING.

I'm a lucky girl.

Since I'll already be in Europe, Adam is meeting me in Amsterdam for European Adventure Part III. The week before a vacation is always a little tricky when it comes to food shopping and planning. No one wants to come home to a half eaten bag of brown, slimy lettuce, smelly milk, and a tupperware full of pasta with a mysterious fur growing on it. Therefore, the eating plan for this week is Consume All Perishables.

The things we must eat in the next four days: turkey bacon, some eggs, milk, deli ham, leftover butternut squash soup, one sweet potato, a pineapple, two pears, half a pizza, an assortment of cheese, baby carrots, one acorn squash, two bags of lettuce, a few whole wheat wraps, and chicken cutlets.

I have confidence that I could invent a few eatable meals from that assortment. They might not be that healthy, but my diet will be thrown next week when I plan on stuffing my face with Belgian waffles, German chocolate, Parisian macaroons, and whatever I'll be eating in Amsterdam. Oh yea, hash brownies.

the best part of your wedding

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 02:48:00 +0000

will be when your friends' expressions look like this,

and like this,

when promising your life to a really nice and cute boy.

It rained, but we had umbrellas: The formal pictures

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 03:33:00 +0000

all pictures by Jorge Garcia

Post ceremony, we took a few formals in the church. You know the kind: us with parents, us with siblings, us with bridesmaids, us with our fourth last cousins once removed. Me, being A) a complete control freak, and B) a hungry bride, handed out a typed list of formal pictures to be had to all involved to minimize time and be more efficient. We took 12 formal pictures in 30 minutes. The Guinness Book of World Records just called and are adding us in their 2010 edition under FASTEST FAMILY FORMAL PICTURES OF ALL TIME. Thank you very much.

After that craziness was over, we drove around, through the pouring rain, in search of an outside location under cover for some fun pictures. We came up under a bridge, and besides the one crazy guy walking around with no shirt and one shoe, it was scenic and only slightly wet.

Who said that outdoor pictures won't be possible if it's raining?? oh yea, I REMEMBER, my husband. This is why I sent him out two days pre-wedding to purchase $100 worth of umbrellas:

and this...

I took off my shoes and jumped around in the puddles with my best girls.

The guys pretended like they actually smoke cigars. Funny, because they all thought it was gross. Funny, because it made for really great shots.

Hey! I want to be in more pictures! Ok, let me just run over here and kiss my hubs!

OK, my turn to pretend that I smoke cigars. Oh man....this is bringing me back to my college days when I thought I was cool and TOTALLY PRETENDED to smoke clove cigarettes to get this loser guy to like me. He ended up not paying any attention to me and I ended up with smelly hands.

Boys are cute. But more importantly, check out the amazing texture on that wall! Love!

Again, the wall is great! Under bridges are the best locations.

Then we found a nice bridge to stand on. My only one regret from the wedding day was not posing for more pictures on this bridge. At the moment, not standing in the rain was more important so we kept these quick.

Eating this week, 2

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 23:39:00 +0000

My first try at a weekly menu was only somewhat successful. We didn't eat the chicken or the pork chops, ended up having a little dinner party last night, Friday decided to go on a date, and I bought my lunch more than once. The squash and leek lasagna was delish, but was more labor intensive than I thought - it took 2 hours to make! We stretched out the spaghetti and meatballs to six servings, instead of four, which bumped the pork chops to this week.

Ok, let's try this again:

Monday - Lunch: leftover stir-fry. Dinner: chicken cutlets and salad

Tuesday - Lunch: Veggie Delight from subway with leftover cutlet. Dinner: pork shops with sweet potatoes and cauliflower

Wednesday - Lunch: sweet potato with salad. Dinner: butternut squash soup with grilled ham&cheese.

Thursday - Lunch: work party. Dinner: Ham and Macaroni-Stuffed Bell Peppers (recipe below).

Friday - Lunch: ham&cheese with leftover squash soup. Dinner: Veggie burgers with salad.

Saturday and Sunday are yet to be determined.

Ham and Macaroni-Stuffed Bell Peppers
serves 2

1/2 cup elbow macaroni
1/4 cup fat free mayo
1 tbls apple cider vinegar
1/8 tsp black pepper
1/4 lb lean ham diced
half a jar roasted red pepper
1/8 cup sweet pickle relish
2 scallions, thinly sliced
2 red bell peppers, halved lengthwise and seeded

Cook the macaroni, drain. Toss the macaroni, mayo, vinegar, and black pepper in a large bowl. Add the turkey ham, roasted red pepper, relish, and scallions; toss to combine. Spoon the salad evenly into the bell pepper halves.

I bet my New Year's was more awesome than yours

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 14:27:00 +0000

On New Year's day, Adam and I wandered around the neighborhood and stumbled into our favorite brunch spot around noon. Besides a greasy man who was still at the bar from the night before and a few staff, the place was dead. We consulted the only person who would know where the eff everyone was, the bartender:

Adam: "wow, where is everyone? we thought we woke up late at 11:30."

Bartender: "ya know, New Year's was on a Thursday night so everyone really went balls out. They are probably still sleeping after being out until 4:00 AM."

Me: "yea, I guess when you go to bed a HALF HOUR after the ball drops, 11:30 is an acceptable time to arise."

Um, I wasn't exaggerating. There were free drinks and fireworks happening 15 blocks from our apartment and we had big plans to attend. Then, we fell under the spell of a comfy couch, pjs, beef wellington, cappuccino flavored liquor, and The Jersey Shore. A deadly concoction indeed... especially when the beef wellington had little hearts on top...

and JWoww* wore sparkly panties and fishnets to the club...

HELLO?! Undies with her nickname in SPARKLES! If I was a club goer, I would wear this. Since I'm not, I must go craft myself a pair and sport them around the apartment. Seriously.

(screen shot of the episode on MTV.com)

Maybe next year we'll go "balls out" and go to brunch at 2 in the afternoon? As long as I can wear my sparkle undies as pants, I'm there.

*ok, I'm talking about the Jersey Shore cast like we are besties. Deal with it.

Annual Christmas tradition

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 14:18:00 +0000

How weird does this picture look?

That's me in front of the Rockefeller Christmas tree trying to jump in the air while Adam takes a picture. Somehow, I became transparent. Strange.

Every year we visit the tree, and since getting engaged there last year, it has become one of our first holiday family traditions. Once we arrive, we start complaining about being cold and not having more than one cubic foot of personal space amidst all the tourists. Still, it is magical looking at all the sparkly lights.

Our first married Christmas aka Food and Skates

wifetacular@gmail.com (Michelle) — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 23:30:00 +0000

This Christmas day we spent with ourselves, a rack of lamb, and some ice skates. Normally spent with our respective families, we decided to spend Christmas day alone and start some new family traditions of our own. In true fashion, two of these traditions were based on food.

For breakfast, we had cinnamon rolls. The good kind from the tube. The kind of tube that I can't open because I'm afraid of the popping sound it makes. POP! hate that.

For dinner, rack of lamb. To quote Adam, "this is the best thing I have ever ate."

Before the cinnamon rolls we opened presents. This is my 'just woke up' look. I know, I look hot.

Between food courses, we went ice skating in Prospect Park. I, successfully, didn't fall once.