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2012 Natural Remedies Seminar

webmaster@wildwoodhealth.org (Wildwood Health) — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 05:00:00 GMT

Visit the new Wildwood Seminar's Website

Scramble Tofu

webmaster@wildwoodhealth.org (Wildwood Health) — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 15:33:24 GMT

INGREDIENTS

• 1 box - firm tofu (crumbled)
• 1/2 tsp - garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp - onion powder
• 1/4 tsp - turmeric
• 1/2 Tbsp - dried parsley leaves
• 1/2 Tbsp - Bragg's All Purpose Seasoning
• 1 Tbsp - chicken like seasoning
• 1/2 Tbsp - nutritional yeast flakes

DIRECTIONS

- Preheat a large nonstick frying pan.
- Drain and rinse tofu.
- Chop and mash tofu into frying pan.
- Sprinkle all seasonings equally over tofu.
- Mix well.
- Stir occasionally.
- Cook until most of the moisture has disappeared.
- Serve fresh and hot. Garnish with parsley and tomato wedges.

You may saute onion, mushrooms, etc in small amount of water before adding tofu.

Are you being short-changed?

webmaster@wildwoodhealth.org (Elizabeth J. Hall) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 16:58:37 GMT

Sleep expert Dr. James Maas asks these three questions: Do you need an alarm clock in order to wake up in the morning? Do you hit the snooze button a few times before finally getting out of bed? Do you sleep extra hours on the weekend? If so, consider yourself one of the millions of chronically sleep-deprived people.

The National Sleep Foundation's 2005 Sleep in America Poll showed that U.S. adults are generally sleeping on average 6.9 hours a night, including both weekdays and weekend sleep. Forty percent reported sleeping less than seven hours on weekdays, and 71% were sleeping less than eight hours on weekdays.^{(1) According to James Maas, at least 63 million American adults are moderately to severely sleep deprived. Forty- million Americans suffer from one or more of the 81 known sleep disorders. Estimates for Australians are that almost 90% of people suffer from a sleep disorder at some time or times in their lives, with 30% suffering a severe or serious disorder.(2)} Nearly every high school and college student needs 9 ½ hours of sleep to be fully alert, yet he or she usually averages only six hours a night.

Sleep deprivation costs Americans more than 100 billion dollars annually. Sleep deprivation induces significant reduction in performance and alertness. Unfortunately, reducing one’s nighttime sleep by as little as 1 ½ hours for just one night could result in a reduction of daytime alertness by as much as 32%.⁽³⁾ Studies suggest that sleeping five or fewer hours per night may increase mortality risk by as much as 15%.⁴

SHORT-CUT TO SERIOUS TROUBLE

Consider these facts:

Less Sleep = More Accidents

The Institute of Medicine estimates that drowsy driving is responsible for 20% of all motor vehicle crashes. That means that drowsy driving causes one million crashes, 500,000 injuries, and 8,000 deaths each year in the U.S.⁽⁵⁾ Researchers in Australia and New Zealand report that sleep deprivation can have some of the same hazardous effects as being drunk. They found that sleeping less than six hours a night substantially affects coordination, reaction time, and judgment. They also discovered that people who drove after being awake for 17 to 19 hours performed worse than those with a blood alcohol level of .05%.⁽⁶⁾ That's the legal limit for drunk driving in most western European countries, though many U.S. states set their blood alcohol limits at .08%. Being awake for 22 hours straight slows your reaction time more than drinking four alcoholic drinks.

Less Sleep = More Cardiovascular Disease

Dr. David White and colleagues of Harvard University studied data collected from five countries and found that if one sleeps less than six to seven hours per night, the risk for heart attack increases sharply. In their studies, individuals who slept about five hours a night had about a 40% higher risk of having a heart attack than did people that slept eight hours a night.⁽⁷⁾

IMMUNE SUPPRESSION

In a study involving nearly 4,033 women under age 65, researchers at the National Cancer Institute reported that women who consistently slept less than seven hours a night had a 47% higher risk of cancer._⁽⁸⁾A study by the National Cancer Institute found that exercising can reduce a woman's risk of cancer by as much as 20% and that sleeping less than seven hours a night eliminates the cancer-fighting benefits of exercise.(9) In some cases, lack of sleep increased the risk for cancer by 50%. Studies show that even partial sleep deprivation decreases natural killer cell activity by 30%.⁽¹⁰⁾ Natural killer cells destroy viruses and cancer cells. Sleep deprivation also affects the immune system in milder ways. A recent study showed that people who averaged less than seven hours of sleep a night were about three times more likely to develop cold symptoms when exposed to the cold-causing rhinovirus than study volunteers who got eight or more hours of sleep. In addition, those individuals who got better quality sleep were the least likely to come down with a cold.⁽¹¹⁾

FATTER

People who sleep six hours a night are 23% more likely to be obese than those sleeping seven to nine hours per night. Other studies from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine showed that about 33% of those who slept less than six hours a night and 26% of those who slept nine hours a night or more were obese. Normal sleepers were the thinnest group.^{(12), (13)}

MORE INFLAMMATION

Two hours of sleep deprivation nightly for one week in healthy individuals is also associated with marked activation of the body’s inflammation system. Even partial sleep deprivation increases the levels of alpha-tumor necrosis factor, interleukin-6, and C-reactive protein, all of which are pro-inflammatory agents and markers.⁽¹⁴) This is important because chronic inflammation fuels chronic disease.

GRUMPY AND WORSE

Studies have shown that even partial sleep deprivation has a significant effect on the mood.⁽¹⁵⁾ Researchers from the University of Pennsylvania found that individuals who were limited to only 4 ½ hours of sleep a night for one week reported feeling more stressed, angry, sad, and mentally exhausted. Fortunately, when the subjects resumed normal sleep, they reported a dramatic improvement in mood.⁽¹⁶⁾ Sleep problems might, in turn, contribute to mental disorders. Chronic insomnia may increase an individual's risk of developing a mood disorder, such as depression or anxiety. In one major study of 10,000 adults, people with insomnia were five times more likely to develop depression.⁽¹⁷⁾ In the same study, people with insomnia were 20 times more likely to develop panic disorder.

Another study showed that insomnia is a reliable predictor of depression, and many other psychiatric disorders, including all types of anxiety disorders. The amount of sleep a person gets also impacts the severity of mental symptoms if they already have either a tendency toward, or an actual, mental disorder. Researchers at Harvard and Berkeley studied the brain scans of participants who were deprived of sleep for 25 hours. In most participants amygdalae (a part of the brain that is responsible for emotional reactions) activity was 60% higher for sleep-deprived participants than in those participants who slept.⁽¹⁸⁾ When the amygdalae become overactive, fear and emotional responses predominate over reason. Consequently, self-control is impaired.

TYPES OF SLEEP

There are two types of sleep: non-rapid-eye-movement sleep (NREM) and REM. The deepest levels of sleep are stages 3 and 4 of NREM sleep, often referred to as slow-wave sleep. During slow-wave sleep there is an increased blood supply to the muscles. Muscles totally relax. The heart rate and respiration slows while blood pressure decreases. Growth hormone is released, which facilitates the entry of amino acids into the cells, and thus promotes protein synthesis in the ribosomes. Consequently, there are faster repair processes and wound healing, healthier joints, stronger muscles, and brighter minds. Growth hormone also promotes fat catabolism. In short, sleep deprivation blunts growth hormone and promotes fat synthesis in the body while reducing protein synthesis.

Rapid-eye-movement (REM) sleep accounts for 25% of a night’s sleep. It first occurs about 90 minutes after falling asleep and then recurs about every 90 minutes, getting longer later in the night. During REM sleep dreams occur, and neurotransmitters are replenished. REM sleep helps to facilitate memory storage and retention. It is essential for preparing the mind for peak daytime performance.

SLEEP IMPACTS THE NERVOUS SYSTEM

PET brain studies show that sleep deprivation exerts many of the same effects as drinking alcohol upon the prefrontal cortex, the executive command center of the brain. Thus, our ability to choose, plan, and execute ideas is compromised. Studies on sleep-deprived soldiers show that sleep deprivation degrades the higher, more complex mental processes.⁽¹⁹⁾ It especially decreases the efficiency of key areas of the brain involved in speech, language, and memory. Memory lapses, decreased ability to concentrate, and impatience result from inadequate sleep. Sleep deprived individuals do not have the speed or creative abilities to cope with making quick, but logical decisions, nor do they have the ability to implement them well. Adolescents who get less than eight hours of sleep have difficulty with complex tasks.⁽²⁰⁾ Studies have demonstrated that losing an hour of optimal sleep impairs one's ability to multi-task.^{(21), (22)}

Restricting sleep below an individual's optimal time in bed can cause a range of neurobehavioral deficits, including lapses of attention and thought, slowed working memory, and depressed mood. Laboratory studies of healthy adults subjected to sleep restriction have found adverse effects on endocrine functions and metabolic and inflammatory responses.⁽²³⁾ Researchers from the University of Pennsylvania found that after days of chronic sleep restriction below 7 hours per night, significant daytime cognitive dysfunction accumulates to levels comparable to that found after severe, acute, total sleep deprivation.⁽²⁴⁾ They also found that chronic sleep debt is accumulative. Studies show that we need between seven to eight hours of good quality sleep per night.

SLEEP, SNS, AND HYPERTENSION

Insufficient sleep dysregulates the balance between the sympathetic and parasympathetic divisions of the autonomic nervous system because during deep sleep, sympathetic nerve activity is generally decreased and parasympathetic nerve activity is increased. The sympathetic nerves help to mobilize us to action in times of stress. Blood pressure, heart rate, and blood sugar increase while digestive processes slow down under sympathetic influences. The parasympathetic nerves slow the heart rate, stimulate the digestive process, and help us to take care of our daily needs. We actually need a balance of both systems. However, excessive sympathetic tone and decreased parasympathetic tone can contribute to high blood pressure, diabetes, and electrical disturbances of the heart’s rate and rhythm. The Harvard School of Health, for example, studied 4,800 adults between ages 32-59. The study found that those who averaged less than five hours of sleep per night were about 60% more likely to develop high blood pressure than those who got six or more hours of sleep.⁽²⁵⁾

People who sleep five hours or less a night increase their risk for hypertension based on the NHANES I data from 4,810 people aged 32-86 who did not have hypertension at baseline. Of the younger people aged 32-59 years who slept five hours or less a night, 23.6% developed hypertension compared with 11.8% of those who got seven to eight hours of sleep. Subjects who slept five or less hours per night continued to have a greater risk for hypertension after controlling for factors such as obesity, diabetes, physical activity, salt and alcohol consumption, smoking, depression, age, education, gender, and ethnicity.⁽²⁶⁾

Why is this? Sleep debt leads to a prolonged exposure to greater sympathetic influences. Additionally, an activated sympathetic nervous system, also could accentuate structural remodeling in the blood vessels and major organs that regulate blood pressure, including the heart and kidneys. Additionally, an activated sympathetic nervous system increases the renal sodium retention which contributes to elevated blood pressure.

SLEEP IMPACTS THE ENDOCRINE SYSTEM

As mentioned before, deficient sleep increases sympathetic influences and reduces parasympathetic influences. Endocrine glands are vulnerable to these autonomic nervous system influences.⁽²⁷⁾ Normally the anti-inflammatory, adrenal hormone, cortisol, decreases in the evening and rises in the early morning. However, partial sleep deprivation increases cortisol production in the evening.⁽²⁸⁾ This extra cortisol actually inhibits protein synthesis in the brain and muscle cells, joints, gastrointestinal tract, and immune system so that their efficiency is compromised. Cortisol causes, in turn, the release of insulin, and insulin is a storage hormone that promotes fat storage.

The thyroid hormones regulate metabolism—the sum of all the chemical processes that occur inside our body. Thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) from the pituitary gland stimulates the thyroid gland to produce its hormones. After six days of four-hour sleep time, the normal nocturnal thyroid-stimulating hormone (TSH) rise is strikingly decreased, and the overall mean TSH levels are reduced by more than 30%.⁽²⁹⁾ Consequently, the production of the thyroid hormones is reduced.

The regulation of leptin, a hormone released by the fat cells that signals satiety to the brain and thus suppresses appetite, is strikingly dependent on sleep duration. After six days of bedtime restriction to four hours per night, the plasma concentration of leptin was markedly decreased, particularly during nighttime.⁽³⁰⁾

SLEEP DEPRIVATION, OBESITY, AND APPETITE

Research shows that sleep-deprived people may increase their caloric consumption by as much as 15%.⁽³¹⁾ Chronic sleep loss may increase the risk of diabetes because it impairs the way the body disposes of glucose. A study of 28,000 children and 15,000 adults showed that sleep deprivation doubles the risk of obesity in both children and adults.⁽³²⁾ Lack of sleep increases the hormone, grehlin, which stimulates the appetite and reduces leptin, the hormone that promotes satiety.⁽³³⁾

NATURAL REMEDIES FOR SLEEP AIDS

1. Get at least thirty minutes of physical exercise per day, even if it is in several smaller segments of time. Studies show that daily regular aerobic exercise helps to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression.

2. Gradually reduce caffeine consumption to the point of eliminating it entirely. Caffeine reduces the quality of slow-wave sleep, the most restorative sleep, increases the time it takes to get to sleep, enhances the impact of stressors, and magnifies the effects of stress hormones. A morning dose can interfere with nighttime sleep. It also magnifies the effects of the sympathetic nervous system.

3. Cultivate regularity in rising and retiring. Studies show that fatigue occurs four hours sooner on an irregular schedule than on a regular schedule. According to Dr. James Maas, research shows that if you take two groups of students and have them both get an equal number of hours of sleep, but group one goes to bed on what we call a "yoyo schedule" – they can go to bed at 11 p.m. one night and 3 a.m. the next – and group two goes to sleep at the same time every night, group two will be significantly more alert than group one.⁽³⁴⁾ Have the room at a comfortable temperature with a little fresh air. The room should be totally dark for optimal production of melatonin, a sleep-promoting, anti-oxidizing, immune-bolstering, and cardiovascular-protecting hormone.

4. Eat a light third meal consisting mainly of fruit or, better yet, skip supper if you are overweight or sedentary. Skipping supper increases the production of growth hormone during deep sleep. This valuable hormone assists in tissue repair, improves efficiency of the immune system, and increases the ability of the body to burn fat.

5. Before retiring, soak in a lukewarm tub of water; then go to bed immediately.

6. Both the herbs hops and passionflower in the form of tea induce sleep. If you are taking medications, check with your pharmacist before taking any herbs in medicinal amounts so as to avoid a possible drug-herb interaction. 7. See your physician if these simple remedies do not help you have restorative sleep.

Spiritual Application: Father Knows Best

God was right when He said, "evening and morning," in that order, constitute the days of our lives.⁽³⁵⁾ As the great Creator, He knew that we needed the deep restorative sleep of the night as a preparation for the activities of the coming day. Centuries ago the psalmist observed, "It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows, for so He gives His beloved sleep."⁽³⁶⁾ Modern medical research affirms the truth of this time-tested counsel.

This article is copyrighted by the online College of Health Evangelism and is excerpted from the e-book, Keys to Optimal Health and Happiness (available from the online division of CHE 706-820-1493.

REFERENCES

(1). Brink, S., Sleep: it’s required, www.nwseo.org/pdfs/Sleepart1006, Oct 24, 2006.

(2) Proposal for a national sleep health agenda, http://www.sleepaus.on.net/nationalsleephealthagenda, June 2003.

(3). Bell, V., How sleep deprivation affects work performance, www.thefabricator.com/Safety/Safety_Article.cfm?ID=1111.

(4). Colten, H.R. and Altevogt, B.M., (editors) Sleep Disorders and Sleep Deprivation: An Unmet Public Health Problem. Board on Health Sciences Policy, National Academies Press, 2006.

(5). Ibid.

(6). Labovick, L., Drowsy Driving, www.injurylaw.labovick.com/tags/drowsy-driving, June 2007.

(7). Sleep deprivation: a health hazard yet to be taken seriously, www.ehealthnews.eu/content/view/1609/26/.

(8). Gever, J., AACR: Exercise and poor sleep combine as odd cancer risk,www.medpagetoday.com/Cardiology/Prevention/11848.

(9). Exercise, sleep help women fight cancer, www.wral.com/lifestyles/healthteam/story/4004264, Nov 21, 2008.

(10). Irwin, M., et al, partial sleep deprivation reduces natural killer cell activity in humans, www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/cgi/reprint/56/6/493.

(11). Cohen, S., et al, sleep habits and susceptibility to the common cold, Arch of Intern Med, 169(1):62-67, 2009.

(12). Schardt, D., How sleep affects your weight, cspinet.org/nah/08_05/perchance_can.

(13). Study ties amount of sleep to obesity, cbs11tv.com/health/sleep.obesity.study.2.717955, May 7, 2008.

(14). Simpson, N., et al, Sleep and inflammation. Nutr Rev, 65(12 pt. 2):S244-52, 2007.

(15). www.healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/need-sleep/whats-in-it.../mood

(16). Dinges, D., et al, Cumulative sleepiness, mood disturbance, and psychomotor vigilance decrements during a week of sleep restricted to 4 – 5 hours per night. Sleep, 20 (4): 267–277, 1997.

(17). Neckelmann, D., et al, Chronic Insomnia as a Risk Factor for Developing Anxiety and Depression. Sleep, 30(7): 873-880, 2007.

(18). Weissman, M., et al, The morbidity of insomnia uncomplicated by psychiatric disorders. General Hospital Psychiatry, 19(4): 245–250, 1997.

(19). www.armymedicine.army.mil/reports/mhat/mhat_v/Redacted1-MHATV-OIF-APPENDIX-F.

(20). Enough sleep improves memory, Flinders University, July 25, 2008.

(21). 'Sleep debts' accrue when nightly sleep totals six hours or fewer. University Of Pennsylvania Medical Center, March 14, 2003.

(22). Martin, F., et al, The effects of sleep deprivation and stress on fatigue and performance, www.amc.edu.au/ports.shipping/mlm/papers/MartinGrewal-FatiguePresentation.

(23). Banks, S., et al, Behavioral and physiological consequences of sleep restriction. J Clin Sleep Med, 15:3(5):519-28, 2007.

(24). Ibid.

(25). Bakalar, N., Research ties lack of sleep to risk for hypertension. New York Times, April 24, 2009.

(26). Lack of sleep linked to increased risk of high blood pressure, www.medscape.com/viewarticle/530242_7.

(27). Van Cauter, E., et al, The impact of sleep deprivation on hormones and metabolism, cme.medscape.com/viewarticle/50282-5

(28). Leproult, R., et al, Sleep loss results in an elevation of cortisol levels the next evening. Sleep, 20:865-870, 1997.

(29). Ibid., Van Cauter, E.

(30). Ibid., Van Cauter, E.

(31). Craig, W.J., Don’t Cheat Yourself 24/7, www.vegetarian-nutrition.info/nuggets/cheat_yourself.php.

(32). Obesity in children and adults: sleep deprivation doubles risk, www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/47181.php.

(33). Ibid. Van Cauter, E.

(34). Bosley, Galen, Get Your Rest, www.wildwoodhealth.com.

(35). Genesis 1:5, 8, 13, The Bible.

(36). Psalm 127:2, The Bible.

Disguised? Or kept in reserve?

webmaster@wildwoodhealth.org (Liz J. Hall) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:01:30 GMT

As I look out of my window on this mid-April spring day, I see dead, brown, and blackened leaves, shriveled and curled, on many trees. You see, this year warm weather came early. Leaves began appearing on deciduous trees about two weeks ahead of schedule in response to the extra early warmth we experienced down here in Georgia. Unfortunately, several nights of a deep freeze a week ago killed the azalea’s blossoms and the leaves on many oaks and sassafras trees. Some lamented the scene as they drove over campus roads. Others were simply too busy to notice. Indeed, I was one of the unobservant until a friend pointed it out. As I thought about the trees decked in brown, I remembered a comforting lesson I had learned from nature about twenty years ago.

God created trees with reserve buds that spring into action when a tree is cut down, enabling new shoots to still come up. If a freeze kills the leaves of a deciduous tree, reserve buds are activated and after a while, new green leaves will appear. Reserve buds usually stay on a tree two to three years until they are eventually replaced by new reserve buds. They remind me that in every emergency, God has His way to bring relief.

Ravi Zacharias tells an interesting story. Take a step back in time with me. It’s 1971 and the Vietnam War is wreaking havoc. America is not winning. The anti-war movement in the U.S. is increasing in strength. By the end of the war, four years later, 58,000 will have given their lives and somewhere between 3 and 5 million inhabitants of Vietnam, many of whom were civilians, will have also lost theirs. Torture. POW camps. Post-traumatic stress disorder. 1971. No one in his right mind wanted to go there then, although some did choose to go to assist the fight for freedom or to help alleviate suffering. Ravi Zacharias went as a Christian missionary. Traveling with him was Hien Pham, an energetic young Christian who had worked as a translator for the American forces. He proved valuable to Zacharias as they traversed the war-torn country.

Hien was imprisoned shortly after Vietnam’s fall because he had assisted the American forces by acting as a translator. Day by day, his captors drilled him in the theories of Marx and other Communist philosophers. His faith was fast eroding under the constant hardships of prison life. Brainwashing confused his mind, and eventually tortured his soul. Maybe God doesn’t exist. Maybe Christianity is a lie. He determined not to pray again.

Hien was ordered to clean the latrines, the lowest job for a prisoner. One particular day he found a piece of paper typed in English in one of the latrines. It intrigued him. He hadn’t read English in a long time, so he carefully washed the excrement from the paper and waited until his prison mates were asleep. Carefully he unfolded the paper; "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.… " He choked up; "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. " (Romans 8:28, 38, 39). Unable to restrain his tears, he asked God to forgive his doubt. Evidently one of the commanders had been using pages from a Bible as toilet paper. So he volunteered for the dreaded job again and soon found other relevant passages that bolstered his flagging spirit.

Have you perhaps felt, like Hien, that you are being treated worse than you deserve instead of like the precious pearl that you are in God’s sight? Have you ever had to clean up the scum left behind from other people’s sins without receiving any thanks? Have you ever had your faith come crumbling down like debris falling from an imploded building? No matter what your experience has been, God’s love is still for you, my friend. You might have been blasted by icy indifference, perhaps the storms of life have left you looking in every way unattractive to others, like the trees in my backyard, but God still has reserve buds of blessing in store for you. You will flourish again. Consider what happened next to Hien.

Eventually, the faithful latrine cleaner gained his freedom. With 53 others, Hien devised a plan to escape Vietnam but just days before their intended exit, four Vietcong (Vietnamese soldiers) knocked on his door claiming they had heard of his plan. Fearful of returning to prison and not wanting to jeopardize his life and the lives of his comrades, Hien denied the accusation and the soldiers left. Although Hien was initially relieved, he soon felt that he had disappointed not only himself but more importantly his God. He promised God—hoping that He would not take him up on it—that if the Vietcong returned, he would tell them the truth. Only a few hours before they were due to set sail, he was thoroughly shaken when the four men returned. When questioned again, he confessed the truth. The earnest men whispered, "Can we go with you? "

Together they made it to the sea where before long a violent storm threatened to destroy them all. In the strife with the raging elements those four Vietcong soldiers proved themselves excellent boatmen, and because of their skills everyone made it to their desired haven alive! God’s reserve buds often bloom in ways that we least expect and at times when we think all is lost.

HOPE REALIZED

So, when you find your deepest aspirations are frozen from the blight of life’s challenges, and when its trials leave you looking uninviting to others, be of good courage. Before those reserve buds blossom into life, comfort your heart by drawing strength from "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Read the inspiring story of someone who has endured the unendurable. Eventually, God’s promise of reserved blessings will be realized, and not disguised. And these are better than any medicine.

Medicine from Your Kitchen: Olives!

webmaster@wildwoodhealth.org (Journal of Health and Healing) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 17:51:11 GMT

These tasty capsules from nature’s pharmacy:

• Contain hydroxtyrosol which reduces inflammation with the arteries

• Lower the LDL (bad cholesterol) while sustaining the HDL (good cholesterol levels)

• Reduce the risk for Alzheimer’s disease

• Keep the brain’s cell membrane flexible, thus improving nutrition to the brain

• Improve membrane flexibility and efficiency throughout the entire body

• Contain Cox-2 inhibitors that can help quench inflammation of joints without the side effects of anti-inflammatory drugs!

• Can also safely relieve constipation

• Confer some immunological benefits

• Inhibit the growth of certain harmful microorganisms

Whole olives are superior to fractions thereof. For whole olives, find a local source of Greek,or Middle Eastern olives without vinegar and added harmful spices. Freshly cured olives contain more health-giving phytochemicals than canned olives do. Rinse any excess salt out of olives if necessary.

Extra virgin olive oil is very valuable when used in place of and not merely in addition to other less desirable oils. Eat olives and olive oil often, in healthful moderation, and enjoy their culinary, nutritional, preventive, and therapeutic benefits!

This information was adapted from Dr. Bernell Baldwin’s article, Pass the Olives, published in the Journal of Health and Healing, 2010.

________________________________________

References Willett, W.C., et al., Mediterranean Diet and Incidence of and Mortality from Coronary Heart Disease and Stroke in Women. Circulation, 119(8):1093-1100, 2009.

Fero-Luzzi, A., et al., Changing the Mediterranean Diet: Effects on Blood Lipids. Amer J Clin Nutr, 40(5):1037-1047, 1984.

Pasinetti, G.M., and Eberstein, J.A., Metabolic syndrome and the role of dietary lifestyles in Alzheimer’s disease. J Neurochemistry, 106(4):1503-1514, 2008.

Baggio, G., et al., Olive-oil-enriched Diet: Effect on Serum Lipoprotein Levels Biliary Cholesterol Saturation. Amer J Clin Nutr, 47(6):960-964, 1988.

Blankenship, J.W., et al., Uniqueness of Dietary Olive Oil in Stimulating Aortic Protstacyclin in Post-weanling Rats. Prostaglandins, Leukotriences Essential Fatty Acids, 36(1):31-34, 1989.

Rietjens, S.J., et al., The olive oil antioxidant hydroxytyrosol efficiently protects against the oxidative stress-induced impairment of the NO response of isolated rat aorta. Am J Physiol Heart Circ Physiol, 292(4):H1931-H1936, 2007.

Baldwin, B.E., Please Pass the Olives. J Health & Healing, 13(2):16-21, c. 1988.

Ramirez-Tortosa, M.C., et al., Extra-virgin olive oil increases the resistance of LDL to oxidation more that refined olive oil in free-living men with peripheral vascular disease. J Nutr, 129(12):2177-2183, 1999.

Papadopoulos, G., and Boskou, D., Antioxidant effect of natural phenols on olive oil. 68(9):669-671, 1991.

JHH References 11.3

webmaster@wildwoodhealth.org (Wildwood Health) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:13:19 GMT

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Dysfunctional Relationships: How to Survive and Thrive

webmaster@wildwoodhealth.org (Elizabeth J. Hall) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 17:18:50 GMT

The simplest meaning of "dysfunctional" is "doesn’t work right." Dysfunction comes in differing degrees. Some dysfunctional things or people grate on one’s nerves just a little bit—like a squeaky door. But when a situation involves people who must relate to each other, or when circumstances are perceived as intolerable, you must do one of two things. You must modify this situation—at least partially—or remove yourself. For example, when a dysfunctional organ or system of your body results in disease, you’d better see a doctor sooner rather than later if you want to survive.

When families become dysfunctional, society becomes dysfunctional because the family is society’s foundational unit. Alcohol, drug abuse, “workaholism,” mental illness, parental neglect, indifference, abandonment, or the untimely death of a family member can contribute to personal dysfunction and dysfunctional group behavior. Even a physical disease like congestive heart failure can become so serious that significant cognitive impairment, cantankerous attitudes, and impaired interpersonal relationships result, all because the blood vessels supplying the brain are not receiving sufficient blood and oxygen for its needs. Like a genetic disease, dysfunction is frequently passed on in some form from generation to generation. Its ripples can affect society in social costs, affecting non-familial relations. They sap our energy and resources, as would a chronic disease. The extent to which a specific family dysfunction influences us depends upon the degree, timing, and context in which we received the abuse, injustice, or injury and our coping capacities.

In this article, we will gingerly, but openly, explore issues with which individuals from dysfunctional homes have to contend, and offer some suggestions that promote healing, health and happiness. I choose to write from the viewpoint of an adult child from a dysfunctional family, and from a Judeo-Christian philosophy. However, the principles outlined apply powerfully to any dysfunctional relationship. For example, children from dysfunctional parents often become dysfunctional themselves. Perhaps they overcompensate and become perfectionists to earn approval. Or as adult children they can become manipulative, demanding interest fees from their divorced parents—a guilt trip, in other words.

Again, there could be a co-dependent friendship or workaholism—a super-demanding boss. For encouragement, let us consider some real people who experienced some degree of dysfunction in their homes as children and who, in spite of this, blessed the world with their presence.

COURAGE-BUILDING STORIES

When Eleanor Roosevelt was born, her gorgeous socialite mother, Anna, marveled that she could have produced such a homely child. “She was a sensitive, timid child, and from her earliest years Eleanor knew she was a disappointment to her mother, who would look at Eleanor rather coldly, worrying that her daughter might never become beautiful. She would even discuss it in the presence of Eleanor and her friends. Even as an adult, memories of her mother’s attitude haunted her—echoing the painful realization, ‘I’m ugly.’ ” ⁽¹⁾

When Eleanor was eight, her mother died, and her father’s alcoholism prevented his caring for her. While under the care of a strict but concerned grandmother, she was exposed to two mentally ill relatives. One was an alcoholic uncle who would shoot at the neighbors and their children. For Eleanor’s protection, her grandmother sent her to boarding school as soon as possible. Homely as Eleanor was, even in her twenties her loveliness of personality was evident as she reached out to help the poor. Although betrayed in her marriage, distressed by a controlling mother-in-law, and struggling with depression, she persistently espoused social rights. Yes, indeed, Americans owe a lot to this daughter of a dysfunctional home, as she advocated the rights of the poor, the unfortunate, and women.

How about Winston Churchill? Although his parents provided for his physical needs, they were not there for him emotionally. They would often be away when he went home on vacation from his boarding school. In spite of his heavy drinking, smoking, and bouts of depression, God used him to save Western Europe from Hitler.

As a child, Dorie Van Stone’s mother would put her into a drawer and then close it. Eventually she left Dorie at an orphanage, where a lesbian matron sexually abused her. At age 14, she entered a foster system that moved her from one home to another, where she was almost always abused. Fortunately, before she left the orphanage, this little terror of a teenager heard about and accepted the love of God. As a young lady, she finally located her father. However, her joy was short-lived, for, unfortunately, he too rejected her. But in spite of all this, for decades she has been a successful, warm, and sometimes jubilant motivational speaker and missionary. ⁽²⁾

HOW TO SURVIVE

Maybe you happen to be one of those “good” troubled youth. Or perhaps you were one that got into trouble a lot. Maybe you are middle-aged and still hear critical voices from the past shouting into your psyche, maligning your genuine accomplishments. Or perhaps in your work you almost daily come in contact with the hurting and the deprived. What solace do you have to offer? What spiritual dynamics need to be recognized before you can offer the gospel to these suffering ones? Maybe God is calling you to be a mentoring mom or dad. If any of these situations apply to you, I would like to suggest to you five life-giving principles to speed your healing or help others who come from dysfunctional homes.

PRINCIPLE ONE: BEWARE OF BIRD'S NESTS

There is an old adage that says, “You can’t prevent birds from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from making nests in your hair.” This holds true for negative automatic thinking that is fueled by relational dysfunctionality. Their actions set up distorted thought patterns and emotional auras that contribute to depression, uncontrollable anger and rage, and paralyzing anxiety. Here are some detrimental patterns of thinking we need to recognize and replace if we are going to progress.

• Personalization: In this distorted thought pattern we assume the blame for a problem outside of our responsibilities or capabilities. When parents divorce, for example, children often blame themselves. I know that when my mom became mentally ill, I thought, If I had washed the dishes and cleaned my room, she wouldn’t have suffered this mental illness. If I had been a better daughter, this wouldn’t have happened.

Perhaps Danny Smith’s parents are separated. Mr. Smith promised to take his son camping but doesn’t show. Danny thinks, He didn’t show again. Guess I don’t count! So when someone disappoints him as an adult, Danny thinks, I don’t count and spirals down into deep depression. When he can’t take this contempt any longer, he lashes out in anger, or perhaps resorts to addictions. These are examples of unwarranted personalizations.

This and any other kind of distorted thinking pattern is dangerous in that it usurps the true value that God places on us. The healing answer is: “The Scriptures reveal that God wants you, He loves you, and He has chosen you. ⁽³⁾ This love, if accepted, is powerful enough to satisfy all love hunger. Of course, it takes time for increasing maturity to realize the possibilities of this healing love.

• Labeling is a kind of jumping to conclusions in which a parent applies a negative term to a complex situation. Sammy fails math. His parents assume that Sammy is “lazy.” Don’t get me wrong. As a teacher, I know laziness and procrastination contribute to poor grades. Perhaps, though, there are other contributing factors—distractions, discouragement, individual learning-styles, and others. All of these need to be explored. It is much more accurate to say, “Sammy has problems with math,” than to call him “stupid.” Or maybe, someone refers to his own father as “my old man, the drunk.” But the father is much more; he is a human being. He needs to be treated with respect. Loving respect usually, sometimes slowly and even awkwardly, awakens respect in others.

• Selective filtering is another distorted thinking pattern that must be recognized and replaced before any healing can be maintained. In this cognitive distortion, a person focuses on one aspect, usually negative, to the exclusion of the positive. To continue our scenario, Sammy’s parents focus on his poor math grades without praising him for his good grades in Social Science.

Children from dysfunctional homes often see their parents as being totally evil, wrong, mean, or cowardly, without any middle ground. In many cases, dysfunctional parents do really love their children, but are emotional kids themselves. They have not learned to fulfill their legitimate emotional needs in healthful ways, so they cannot help their child meet his needs. However, they do manifest care for their children by providing for their physical needs—the one thing they know how to do.

Bobby was a handsome, talented, hard-working young man with a temper. Early in his childhood his father deserted him and his two sisters. His mother worked two jobs and had little time for nonsense. Bobby remembers her as a very strict parent. In being controlling, however, she lost control and would scream and occasionally whip her children for what Bobby later would term ordinary childish adventures. After establishing rapport with him, I asked him to make a list of the times that his mother did show that she cared for him, how he benefited from being her child, and how God turned the curse into a blessing. Here is what he came up with: He got his good looks from his mom. His smarts, too. He also remembers her working extra long hours to send him and his siblings to camp one summer. And being the oldest, he learned how to take responsibility, cook and do laundry, and work hard—that was his blessing in disguise.

When selective thinking would ruin your life, remember the good and look for ways in which God can turn the curse into a blessing. Of course, this takes time and practice, but it makes our disappointments and grief manageable.

Sometimes selective filtering is manifested in a different way. Children from dysfunctional homes can focus on all their weaknesses, but often exclude their strengths. They sink down in learned helplessness and succumb to passive insecurity: I’m no good. No one wants me. I can’t make it. Hopefully, this learned helplessness wouldn’t be present in all aspects of their lives, though this is possible, but usually it predominates in at least one area. An objective friend or counselor can help identify their strengths and potential contributions, and help them also to gradually learn to refocus.

• Generalization: This is assuming that the same negative events will happen over and over again. Worried about losing her job that she loved so much, Jill had a few days of anxiety attacks. With several disabilities, Jill feared that she wouldn’t be able to find a suitable job. However, she had determined not to let a threat of possible loss discourage her, even though she had been bounced from a few jobs previously. Thinking about other possibilities, she pondered, What is going on in my thinking? Where did this emotional aura—this stabbing, jabbing, and oppression—come from? Then she remembered what her family’s long-time cook and housekeeper had said when her mom developed manic-depression and practically disowned her, “Your mom doesn’t want you anymore,” these words had haunted her until she spiraled down into a deep depression. That assessment summarized her teenage years and perverted her discernment for years thereafter. It was buried in Jill’s psyche when she was a teenager, so that even thirty years later, whenever she is threatened by a loss, the thought No one wants me immediately intrudes into her mind. Through oversimplification and misinterpretation, the thought becomes, I am no good. Now, though it takes her some time to recognize the origin of her distress, she uses logic to combat it successfully. I do have friends and customers who do appreciate me. The good news for Jill is that Jesus is not embarrassed to have her as His sister. May I assure others who are like Jill that He loves you just as much. ⁽⁴⁾

All of us who are offspring of dysfunctional parents and perhaps somewhat maladjusted ourselves, must accept the value God places upon us, realizing God wanted us or He would not have sent His Son on such an expensive errand to redeem us.

• Critical parents often leave their children with two sets of rigid cognitions. “All-or-none thinking” and “should-thinking.” In all-or-none thinking we engage in labeling events or people as all good or all bad, with no shades of gray. For example:

• If I don’t make straight A’s, I am a total failure.
• If I do not marry, my whole life will be miserable.
• Position and power are everything. I won’t get hurt if I have those.
• All pain is bad. Pain is an emotion. Therefore, I won’t feel, so I won’t hurt.
• I can’t trust anybody to understand my dysfunctional family.
• All-or-None Thinking: All-or-none thinking nullifies God's grace and graciousness in our own lives and the lives of others. Then shame accrues more interest. In addition, it promotes impatience, intolerance, and contempt. When applied to people, all-or-none thinking discounts the fact that people can learn from their mistakes. When applied to circumstances, all-or-none thinking helps us to lose sight of the fact that God has ability to transform any curse into a blessing.
So, to summarize principle one: Recognize automatic distorted thinking patterns and replace them with healthier ones. Without doing this, you will certainly lose control.

PRINCIPLE 2: SET YOUR BOUNDARIES

Boundaries are essential for devastated individuals. One of the first boundaries to address is forgiveness. Unless we forgive our dysfunctional parents, they will forever exercise their power to contaminate our lives. Roots of bitterness poison our perceptions and pervert our judgment. We make poor choices. Shame then follows.

When abuse injuries and indifference surface, forgiveness is a gradual process and a commitment. We must acknowledge our pain, allow ourselves to cry, receive some validation for our pain, and refuse to allow the past hurts to motivate us to egocentric or excessive self-protection and distrust. In forgiveness, one does remember, but does not dwell on past hurts. For this reason, I cannot accept the advice of some counselors who suggest that I chronologically record the hurtful events of my life. If one does this, positive memories or present opportunities are lost—and one is lost in a graveyard of sadness, for “by beholding we become changed.” ⁽⁵⁾

However, to a very real extent, the past helps to shape the present, and the present the future. As children we learned lessons, which are seldom obliterated. Consciously or subconsciously, negative events can motivate us toward a stunted, suspicious manner. We develop strategies of protection that subtly rob our integrity and sabotage many of our contributions to society. It is therefore imperative that we are open to learning from the past. I like the way David prayed if I can paraphrase the literal Hebrew. “Lord, search my heart, to see if there be any anger, pain, or anxiety in me—that could accumulate in wickedness in me.” ⁽⁶⁾ We might have survived the past, but we can’t live—really live—in the present until we forgive those who have hurt us. ⁽⁷⁾ In true forgiveness I must reject the devaluation that the offender or abuser has placed on me. In its place, I must accept God’s estimation of me. He sees my weakness and wickedness as well as my strengths and successes. Because He sees all and it is His very nature to love, I can accept His unconditional love. ⁽⁸⁾

Still, forgiveness and respect don’t mandate that we absolve our parents from their accountability. By all accounts, Bill Ginglen, was an upstanding citizen—a former Marine, a loving husband, a devoted father and grandfather. “Then on August 19, 2004, Jared, a Peoria, Illinois, police officer, read a story in the paper about a series of bank robberies in another part of the state. ‘The description just oddly matched my father to a T,’ Jared says. ‘The description of the vehicle—the getaway car—was the same vehicle my father drove. And he spends time over in that area.’ As he continued reading, he noticed that the newspaper story referenced a website set up by local police authorities that contained surveillance photos of one of the robberies. ‘Just to clear up my own mind, I decided to go look to be sure that it wasn't he,’ Jared says. ‘But it was.’ Jared immediately called his brothers.” ⁽⁹⁾. They made a heart-wrenching decision to turn their Dad in to the authorities. They didn’t want anybody to get hurt.

We must hold our family members accountable when they have committed a crime, even a crime against us. To not report childhood abuse, sexual abuse, or physical abuse because it is one’s family member—is irresponsible. Mothers who ignore their abusive husbands injuring or molesting their children jeopardize the lives of their children and sacrifice the self-respect and integrity of everyone involved. The dysfunction will only accrue terrible interest rates until we heartily face it.

Forgiveness also doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation. If our parents frequently put us down, we need to recognize that this is their problem. We are not obligated to require their acceptance. If we always try to win their approval, it sets us up for defeat. However, an occasional overture in form of a letter, call, or phone visit might eventually lead to some healing. And forgiveness certainly does not mean a superficial acceptance of a superficial apology in order to be conciliatory and escape painful memories.

PRINCIPLE 3: DO NOT PROJECT

Some of the attitudes I have regarding my parents can unwittingly be projected upon God and others. The promise and power of parenting must be recognized. Respect the power of parenting. In a perfect world, God designed parents to be as God to their children, to portray His character faithfully and accurately until the child can develop an independent concept of what a personal, loving God He really is. Our parents are to reflect the goodness of God. However, as a result of sin, individual or collective, even good parents fall short. Mark this point well. Whatever we think about our parents determines, to a great extent, our personal concept of God. This distortion, whether obvious or unconscious on our part, can profoundly impact our loved ones because it erodes our happiness, and contaminates our other important relationships.

Let me mention my own background again, if I may. Our parents had separated by the time I was three. Dad, however, would faithfully visit us children every Saturday, but when the divorce was final, he dropped out of sight completely and did not send any monetary support to our family. I know from my own personal experience, even while intellectually understanding and accepting the concept of God’s love, that somewhere in my core being, I subconsciously felt that, because my earthly father was indifferent to me, my heavenly Father was too. He never seemed to answer certain prayers. In these secret pockets of my soul it was as if I had certain black holes into which the grace of God never seemed to penetrate.

Later, I would recognize that genuine healing comes when we can discern and acknowledge how our parents negatively impacted our concept of God, and repent of projecting their deficiencies, anger, or indifference upon God. One of the first steps in this process is refusing to let what you don’t know about God shake your confidence in His love. We all use electricity, for example, but most of us don’t understand the deep scientific principles involved.

Sometimes we misplace our anger upon others. Years ago there was a colleague and supervisor that I just didn’t like or trust. When I realized that he had some of the same qualities of the distant grandfather that I lived with—small frame, frugal, avid gardener, laconic, and that subconsciously I had projected the discomfort I felt with my grandfather upon my co-worker, my relationship with him improved tremendously. Today, I regard him as a true friend and trusted advisor. I can’t help thinking that if grandfather had lived long enough, I might have had a meaningful relationship with him, also. To summarize principle three: In order for us to develop and maintain healthy relationships, we must be aware and acknowledge that we have made unhealthful transference of the negative qualities of our dysfunctional parents onto others and upon God.

PRINCIPLE 4: HONOR MY FATHER AND MOTHER?

King Solomon observed of one who curses his father or mother that “his light will go out in time of darkness.” ⁽¹⁰⁾ Whatever we reflect back to our parents will come back upon our heads—be it for good or for evil. “Indifferent” would be the one adjective that best summarizes my parents during our teen years. Although my mother was at first patient and gentle, by the time my twin sister and I entered our adolescence, my mother had developed paranoid schizophrenia. She thought we children were actually spies. Not only blinds and curtains covered the many windows of our house, but also blankets snuffed out any possible penetrating light. Mom was indifferent, incapable, scary, and embarrassing. As a teenager I was ashamed of my mom, and didn’t want to be seen with her. Clean, but unkempt in appearance, she would gyrate from the tactile hallucinations she felt. What teenager wants to go out and eat at a restaurant with her mother jerking and moving because she thought that someone was shocking her? She was so embarrassing to be with in public. However, I gained some insightful sympathy when, as a 30-something adult, I struggled with a severe social phobia which crippled my social life for a few years. I couldn’t even walk my dog! I would venture out for only work or groceries. It is a principle of life: what measure we give to others, will eventually in some way be reflected back upon us. Any contempt with which we have regarded our parents will surely come back to us.

Another point to consider is, even if we cannot respect our parents as being deserving, we can respect them as human beings. We can also honor our parents by stopping the cycle of contempt—even self-contempt caused by an unhealthy sense of shame.

Few, if any, individuals who come from a dysfunctional home themselves, have their lives together by age 30. So why should we condemn our parents so harshly for the mistakes they made? This isn’t to say we can’t hold them accountable for their actions, confront them, and express our anger to them—if it would be wise. However, in doing so, we want to exercise sympathy for their childhood development, the conditions they had to endure.

Elaborating more on my parent’s separation when I was three—the separation, as I mentioned before wasn’t too bad, because Dad visited every Saturday—faithfully. When the divorce was final, however, (we twins were eleven) he dropped out of sight—no visits, no letters, no calls, no financial support—only Christmas and birthday presents. Eventually, we made contact. Decades later, I discovered he really had had a hard decision to make—to support his mom and provide her nursing care or support his two children. He knew my mother worked (until her mental illness took over) and further, that my mother’s dad would provide for us. So we really didn’t lack any food, clothing, school supplies, or shelter.

When I was in my early forties, he also paid for my speech therapy for several years. When he died, my sister and I inherited a reasonable sum of money. Having subsequently experienced financial difficulties myself, I can better understand the dilemma that he faced as a young man. He had made a hard decision, and later paid his dues to me. I discovered that he had written to us, but apparently my mom had destroyed his letters to me. Though our relationship was rocky at times, I still do miss him. As I grow older, and learn more of the situation as it really was at the time, rather than how I perceived it, I no longer judge his behavior. As for mom, I would learn that schizophrenia was not only a mental disease, but also a brain disease that could cause damage to certain key structures in the brain. Therefore, her capacity to love and relate to her children was, to a large degree, determined by mental illness, not necessarily of her own choice.

I want to be crystal clear. There is no excuse, for abuse, alcohol addiction, or, worse yet, heartless abandonment. Still, there can be many underlying factors that contribute to various abusive behaviors, and these need to be recognized and sufficiently dealt with for the children’s resulting dysfunction to be overcome.

We also need to consider that even dysfunctional parents can make genuine contributions to society. Take, for example, Abraham Lincoln. His father was such a hard taskmaster, even physically slapping his son around at times. Lincoln developed a significant sense of serious self-depreciation. However, both his mother and later, his stepmother, encouraged him. By the time of his presidency, Lincoln had enough self-respect to invite his political rivals to be members of his Cabinet. To some extent, his own family life was also dysfunctional. At times his wife was mentally unbalanced and difficult. His biographers write that he was very distant toward his first two sons. When his second son died, he soon became overindulgent to a serious fault with his last two sons. ⁽¹¹⁾ This moderately dysfunctional dad, subject to difficulties, still did much to help his nation stop its expansion of slavery and later proclaimed its abolition in the South. My point is that, even in dysfunctional families, imperfect people can make significant contributions. Abraham Lincoln is great, in part, because he cared and worked diligently in the face of obstacles—some of which came from a dysfunctional home.

How much information do we dare share? In many dysfunctional homes, children are strictly commanded to keep silent about family secrets, never divulging them under any circumstances. This degree of secrecy stifles complete mental and emotional maturity. We grow maximally when we are accepted with truth and grace. This does not happen when we totally conceal our pain and injury from others. ⁽¹²⁾ Although we are confused and hurting, some little kernel of courage within us leads us to try to learn from pain. Then our agonizing experience will not be totally in vain. This benefit requires wrestling with great themes of life. At times, for us to be healed, we need an advisor that is on our side, someone who can validate our suffering. It is usually best to proceed gradually—testing the waters, so to speak—with a trained counselor, pastor, or a friend who can be objective as well as keep confidences.

After we have gained insight and peace, we can share what we have learned to encourage others. Nonetheless, unless a crime has been committed, we do well to guard the reputations of our parents. We do not want to broadcast all the nasty details of abuse to anyone and everyone unwisely, or exaggerate our parents’ weaknesses and indiscretions.

PRINCIPLE 5: LEARN TO ACCEPT YOURSELF

Usually when significant trauma happens in a child’s life, it leaves him vulnerable to stunted growth and development in important areas of life. These areas must be acknowledged, accepted, and corrected before one has total freedom from his parents’ blunders. But no one can achieve his best growth unless he is within a sphere of acceptance. The love of God provides this acceptance, even when our parents have rejected or ignored us. He says, I will not cast out anyone who comes to me. To the extent we refuse to acknowledge and squelch the undeveloped parts of our character, our personalities will never totally be integrated in love and integrity.
On the average, children have certain psychological tasks to master approximately every two years. Any grade-school teacher can tell you those aged 11 to 13 are in a very important stage of social development. So if a father, for example, deserts the family when his daughter is within that age group, that daughter, as an adult, might be stunted in social aspects in her life as an adult. Understanding the stages of childhood development, then, can be a useful tool and a valid approach to helping adult children of dysfunctional homes achieve integration and well-adjusted lives. In other words, if as children we didn’t learn a particular psychological task, such as trust, determination, industry, purpose, courage, or initiative, we will have to acknowledge our deficits and patiently work upon them as adults. ⁽¹³⁾

Frequently, as children pass through different stages of development, they have fear, anxiety, anger, or sadness, and it is better for them to be taught how to express their emotions, positive or negative, rather than bottle them up inside. They need guidance to progress into constructive thoughts and actions. If their parents are wise and available, the children learn healthful ways of coping. When parents are unavailable, indifferent, or angered by their children’s needs, and these needs are left unaddressed, the children’s personality is not fully developed or integrated. Then the emotions of fear, anxiety, or dejection often result in addictions (to ease the pain) or even psychosomatic disease.

For example, uncontrollable fear, devastating anger, and harmful habits and addictions are rooted in the limbic system (as the middle portion of the brain that is concerned with lower emotions is called). One may be either aware or unaware of these manifestations. If emotional pain, anger, confusion, and depression are kept inside, they often trigger disease, especially when they become attitudes. For example, anxiety and major depression increase pro-inflammatory agents that fuel chronic diseases. An epidemiological study has shown that severe bouts of anger are reported significantly more often than expected during the hour preceding myocardial infarction.⁽¹⁴⁾ Other studies show that anxiety, impatience, and depression can increase the risk of even otherwise healthy men developing hypertension. ⁽¹⁵⁾

As some investigators believe, expression of such emotions to a wise counselor can help to transfer pain from the emotional and imaginative right side of the brain to the logical left side, and also somewhat to the front brain. When a person is able to verbalize the situation and clarify it, he can start solving some problems. It is like the long-worded math problems most of us never enjoyed in high school. To solve the problem, you need to sort out the information pertinent to defining the problem, eliminate what you don’t know, and have resources available to look up what you forgot. An effective counselor might be compared with a good math teacher. He doesn’t solve the problems, but helps provide the tools with which you can solve it. Reflective thinking, applying Biblical principles to one’s situation, and pouring out our hearts to God, will help our front brain to process our problems successfully. It is the front brain, in cooperation with God, which enables us to focus, discern, and forgive.

However, just to express unbridled emotion for the sake of doing so, can be dangerous because expression deepens impression. What we say reacts back on our brain and in our minds more powerfully many times, than if left unsaid. It strengthens the circuit of anger and depression. It is when we express emotions in a safe environment to a godly counselor who distinguishes between giving wise sympathy and enabling crippling self-pity, that one can receive help. Expression by itself doesn’t necessarily heal; it is the connection, the support, the respect, and the perspectives that help to change and heal us.

Having said this, though, even legitimate needs can deteriorate into selfish, unrealistic demands. Legitimate needs can easily be degraded into uncontrollable selfishness as is seen when an adult child blames his parents’ divorce for his unhappiness as an adult and plunges into a self-destructive addiction. As important as childhood environment is, the will, strengthened by wise choices, contributes even more to adult happiness.

MEET NEEDS IN A HEALTHY WAY

There are many ways God can help us mature and meet needs healthfully. One is to find a father or mother in Israel (a mentor) to befriend us. They will teach you how to struggle fearfully, but bravely, with life’s difficulties and unexpected problems. Many limitations can be overcome by teamwork, even those from childhood deprivations due to growing up in a dysfunctional family.

In His church, God has provided us with families, with friends who stick closer than blood brothers. These individuals can help to mitigate the effects of our troubled past. By becoming involved with children or adolescents, we can become more acquainted with ourselves and develop in the areas in which we need to grow. Teaching part time at a grade school has sharpened my perception of my own defects that needed to be remedied. Certain events there sometimes remind me of how I felt as a child or teenager, and perhaps those emotions tap into a current dilemma. Many times I rejoiced over my and my students’ taking leaps into maturity. Almost every time I correct or discipline, a still small voice tills the fallow ground of my heart.

A word of caution here: God’s church is also a hospital for sinners. Choose your mentors wisely, and look for one person to take the place of your mom, dad, or family. Be careful not to fall into a co-dependent relationship, where you get your self-worth from one person, one job, and one position. Balance here is absolutely essential. You need a variety of relationships and activities to achieve optimal mental health.

Don’t expect even the best friend or mentor to take the place of the parents you should have had. They can’t. If they are wise, they won’t try. God has reserved that privilege for Himself.

TWO ABSOLUTES

Undeniably, our parents have capriciously left some of us. Perhaps a cruel mental illness took them from our embrace. Sometimes they themselves, as children, were not truly loved. Having not received love, they didn’t know how to give it. For whatever reasons, we want some absolutes. If you, as I was, are in that position, you will have to search for them as in a treasure hunt. Perhaps you will pursue a wrong trail and will have to retrace your steps. You might have to go to unknown places and endure hardships as a courageous, but tired adventurer. But the treasure is waiting for you.

As a child of a literally mentally ill mom and seemingly “deadbeat dad,” I discovered two dependable absolutes that radically changed my life for good in so many ways. In Romans 4:17, Paul describes God as “calling those things that are not as though they were.” This verse gives you the first absolute. Even if you had a cruel, or maybe an indifferent or abusive dad, God has the ability to give you, as an adult, the same benefits as if you really did have a loving, wise, and wonderful parent! This principle can be applied to any dysfunctional relationship.

Remember Dorie? She was visiting California with her daughter and a friend, when her daughter wanted to go and visit the orphanage that Dorie was in as a child. Unaware of the sexual abuse that occurred there, her daughter had heard Dorie’s interesting stories and wanted to see the place. Dorie wasn’t thrilled, to say the least, but with urging from her daughter and her friend, she consented. The orphanage had been transformed into an art museum. Occasionally, one of the orphans returned to reminisce. That person was given a special guided tour.

As the guide announced, “Now, we will go to the basement,” Dorie refused and abruptly replied that there was no need to do so. The guide gently placed her hand on Dorie’s shoulder and encouraged her. “I understand, but please come. I know what happened in that room downstairs. But come and see what it is now.”

As Dorie entered the room where so much abuse had taken place, it was totally different. Her guide explained that a terrible fire had swept through the basement, and they had had to totally remodel it. This fire seemed, in her mind, as if the justice of God had devoured the abusive years meted out to so many young orphans and had validated their pain.

Perhaps you, too, have haunting memories of a variety of abuse or neglect. When I think of Dorie’s experience, I marvel in the truth of another verse, made especially for you. First Corinthians 1:28 says, “God has chosen the things which are not to bring to naught things that are.” The second absolute, then, is that God will create future events—people you do not presently know, places you haven’t been, capabilities you do not presently possess. He will create successive scenarios that will eventually nullify the detrimental effects of any abuse, neglect, or rejection you might have received in your family or from society. Like the fire that destroyed the room of Dorie’s abuse, God will destroy the effects of the abuse in your life, validate your pain, and in its place create a beautiful monument.

He has done this in my life to a large extent. I know God will continue to satisfy the demands of my craving soul. He will do that for you also. Skeptical? Raging? Hopeless? Whatever you feel, wherever you are, He understands and will definitely help you. This vertical connection with God is as vital as any horizontal connections with other human beings. With God we can, as the psalmist encourages us, “pour out our hearts at all times.” (Psalm 62:8) And it is only God who can satisfy all the needs of a longing soul. In Him and with Him we can find peace, hope, love, healing from the past, and courage in the present.

Copyrighted 2009 by The Journal of Health & Healing

REFERENCES on Dysfunctional Families

(1). American Experience: Eleanor Roosevelt, PBS, transcript of film, Written by Sue Wiliams
(2). 1 Cor. 3:18
(3). Hebrews 2:11
(4). Strong’s Analytical Concordance, Ps. 129:23,24
(5). 2cor.3:18
(6). Ps. 139:23,24
(7). Hall, The Healing Power of Forgiveness,Journal of Health and Healing
(8). Rom. 5:7-11
(9). Oprah Winfrey, Facing their Father, January 2006
(10). Proverbs 20:20
(11). Abraham Lincoln, audio books, A & E Television Network, 1996
(12). Towsend, John; Hiding from Love,
(13). Towsend, Changes that Heal
(14). Therell, T., et al, Coping with critical life events and lack of control—the exertion of control, Psychoneuroendocrinology, 2005 Nov; 30(10):1027-32