Will To Create

What Classifies as Manga Anyway? - { unpublished draft from 11/08/18 }

2018-12-27T02:23:00.000-08:00

2 years young a published writer and illustrator. I'm comparing myself to those who have been doing this perhaps 10 times as long as I have or longer.

I feel thankful for the amazing local talent we have here in Melbourne in Manga. I feel like a mere beginner in comparison, and in actual fact I am.. but I forget it. I attended a panel at Animanga today featuring Kai Lynk, Madelenie Rosca and Queenie Chan. All of them very accomplished in their own right, and highly skilled. All poising their own Manga unique style.

I wonder if I can be classified the same way? What classifies as Manga anyway? I feel sometimes my characters are too distorted with a westernized curve. But isn't that what makes them unique to me? That's my style. No one else has my style. I am referencing my favorites, but I can't shake out the 'angie'.

Be patient. You are hard on yourself. You are you're own worst enemy. I want to classified as a Mangaka. What do I do? Keep working. Forget about all that. Get an editor.

Things are working out. I tell myself that. And I know that, opening the door to my room and discovering water has leaked from the ceiling and creased the current page I'm working on. For some strange reason it didn't bother me. After all, there is rain in the scene.

Still. I must escape from the current rental. I have no idea where I'm going next. Part of me wants to escape to a place where I can be left alone in peace to create. That could be anywhere really. It doesn't have to be out of Melbourne. I love creating comics.

First and for most. Let's get this comic inked. That's Courier The Adventures Of Geraldine Barker Issue #4 !

Angie xox

Fear Vs Creativity

2018-07-23T04:09:00.000-07:00

Creating Courier this time round.. the feeling continues to escalate. It's the comforting and empowering feeling that you are on the right track. It is easy to loose faith in what you are doing; when none of it makes sense to anyone else. I seem to have a few treasure fans, who really remind me of the value of what I do. I don't think I could go one without this connection. I want to share this wonder. I want to share what's been shared with me, inside of me.

I'm making the most of what I do. I'd like to think that. It's hard to get the balance right. Should I be harder and push myself again pulling all nighters? But I can't abuse creativity. I can't let myself get sick. I'm going with the flow. I'm creating better things. It feels that way. I trust feeling more and more.

I still work a few days a week in a cafe to get by. It's my aim this year to generate more income from my comics. It's a lot of work when you are self published, and tough getting stuff done with less days free. I do my best. I'm not giving in. If society had it's way, I just about would have by now. Thank god I devote myself to creativity and not that.

I was working in the cafe today, feeling excited about my current issue of Courier. A man that was having a bad day told me "I Worry about You" . " You always look frail. You need a man"
I'm aware enough to know people say stuff like that simply because; they are having a bad day and want to feel better about themselves. I knew that, and laughed to myself. But something about it bugged me.

I've been going through a rough patch. We all do. We can't avoid these things. That's life.

So how is having a man going to make me look less frail? That exactly.

That old fashioned mentality that any woman was a worry who didn't have someone to own her or look after her (man or woman). In fact forget the gender shit. I grew up believing I needed help because of this sexist value of society. It gives power to male privilege.

I hate caring about this stuff because I'm not saying anyone is wrong. We are all victims of social ideology.

It's taken an entire lifetime to release only I can take care of myself, Only I can understand myself, Only I can help myself. Truly. People need people to survive; but why the one to depend? What are we afraid of facing? OUR SELVES

We are afraid of ourselves because we are afraid of creativity.

Relationships are meant to be nourishing, and yes supportive. But learning to help ourselves and love ourselves is the best thing we could do. I wonder if this is accepting our creativity?

I feel happy to grow with the people I love as companions and share that love in many forms.

And I thank you for being here with me on this journey,

Angie Spice

You become what you create

2018-07-10T23:32:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream.. Geraldine was walking through the wilderness; she turned around and smiled at me. She seemed happy. I feel so frustrated.

How much I want to deliver this new comic-no how much I NEED to. Despite certain obstacles, the force of creativity is forcing me and crushing walls that have blocked me. I can't really explain it any clearer than this. It's like I've prayed and the universe has blessed me with the help of friends and opportunities to over come the hardships I am currently going through.

My artist just won't and can't lay there dormant, even through the stages of uncertainty in my life. I am blessed by my connection and awareness of this spirituality. My art is who I am, and I am my art. Crazy isn't it? It feels crazy to acknowledge how powerful our art is. Our creation is magic.

Our creation is magic. We are connected to our art. I forget the consequences of this; for better for worse.

A secret, that really isn't a secret to many:
You become what you create. It will manifest in your life. So be careful.

Courier 4 - the story- is full of confrontation and hardships for Geraldine.. I've been so involved with the story, It has manifested in my life, similar situations. I could write a book about this.

I have to turn the page as soon as I can, and take breaks of counter creativity. Having said this, it feels worse not actually working on my comic. Ultimately, I am purging my self of baggage. This process isn't meant to be a comfortable one. These times really show you your own power.

Just a reminder for myself and other storytellers. Dig deep, but refresh yourself with light and fluffy moments in the story OR spend time creating comic relief as a side project.

best wishes, Angie Spice

My Japan - Clarity

2018-06-07T02:40:00.000-07:00

My Japan - a brief reflection focusing on my artist and the industry.

An enchanting world of its own: full of pleasant delights and endless secrets. A hybrid world of the new and ancient.

“You will love it there”, the most common response prior to my adventure. Duh. “The people are so polite and welcoming. They will treat you so well you won’t want to leave” Of course.

I discovered some answers; the roots within the themes of Manga and the construction of it. I knew a lot of it already, but it’s clarifying discovering it for yourself. The Japanese way of life is liner and conservative. And yes, very sexist in an old fashioned manner: A timeline of statuses to achieve by particular ages. Each separate for women and men of course. They even believe in bad luck years at particular years of age. To become a Mangaka, you have to study art at college and then graduate – hopefully you’ll get picked up by an editor - In your early twenties or fail. That seems to be the industry standard. I am sure there are there have been other ways for Mangaka, and I know there has been. Naturally, there is still much I don’t know about the industry or what I have learned. However I feel clarity.

How lucky I am, to be living in Australia, where we really have no restrictions on the expectations of how to live life - in comparison. I wonder what hope or acceptance I would have had, breaking into the Manga scene in my late twenties, without the refinement and experience; and of course the lack of drawing for 10 years. In Australia it is normal to change careers and jobs, and explore creatively as we find our way through life. I can’t express the gratitude I feel for this freedom. It is because of this, I truly feel unique as an artist. Now I truly feel wonderful to embrace this uniqueness.

It would have been a bonus, meeting an actual Mangaka in Japan. To have had that expectation would be foolish; They work long days and nights locked away.. and if by chance I did catch one getting some work done in a café late at night.. I would have been extremely lucky for them to feel confident to engage with me. Not many Japanese were confident engaging with me on a personal level, even though I had learned a little Japanese-in random situations. On the other hand, at an event like sumo wrestling where we had allocated seating – they was hardly a silence between the broken English and Japanese attempts at conversation. Under the restraint of manner the Japanese are so warm hearted, passionate, generous and enthusiastic. They certainly know how to have fun and make the most out of everything they do! .

They are so formal. I’m so used to rocking up at saying “look at me, I can do this cause I want to” and meeting people that way. It doesn’t really work like that over there, with the exception of foreigners.

I was very fortunate to meet a PHD student called Mia, a researcher of Manga and its elements, from the states. She was in Kyoto giving a lecture on the composition and effects of lettering and the image (the dimension created between the two elements on the page). I pulled out Courier and shown her my latest issue “Cool”. She flicked through a few pages and returned it to me. I know for a fact she had a lot on her mind at the time. But the gentle g

esture reminded me, I am still a learner no matter how far I Progress. Not everyone is gonna love my work, no matter what I produce. I think I mentioned on an instagram post how much of a relief this felt.

I cared about how the Japanese would receive me and slowly realized, I was viewed as a tourist or a student. Why else would I be there? True; Mangaka are not dime a dozen exactly. Drawing in public did generate much curiosity and interest.

I came to the conclusion and assurance I had nothing to prove, just work to do. After all, I realised I had an advantage being an independent storyteller from an international perspective. Was I thinking I wanted to break into the scene in Japan? To be honest I don’t think so, not as a Mangaka for hire. The conditions for a full time illustrator or animater in Japan are unhealthy..unless you’re the creator and your IP that’s taken off. I wanted to gain knowledge distributing my work there potentially. A translator? A guide? A contact? This will come, and it may not even be my task. I have discovered. I’ve got to start sourcing my work through others. I can’t do it all alone. I can’t progress alone. We need each other. People need people.

The Art Of Letting Go

2017-08-16T04:39:00.002-07:00

The art of letting go is key to taking the next level in success, self love and respect. Easier said than done right? duhh?!

After raising the bar over the past year, I've noticed a massive change in the dynamic of my relationships; new and existent. At first, I respected and remained close to various connections in my life, but found myself feeling abused. I was abusing myself. I started feeling guilty about receiving the success I had worked so hard to achieve. I gave my power away and felt afraid to own my success. And people grow comfortable around company like that - believe me. They can be anyone you know ; friends, lovers, work colleagues and even those you hold in the highest esteem. Rising up isn't always popular when you've appeared less to certain people. Still, at the end of the day. We only ever have our selves to blame for how we react.

Being assertive was something I had learned, but let go of time and time again; for the feeling of guilt. I've always felt obliged to incorporate my social life with my creative work. It's almost impossible to avoid in the creative world anyway and isn't necessarily a bad thing.. I'd always remain loyal and work harder than who I was working for or with and receive nothing for it. My idea of networking and healthy connections was warped. And even though I've made amazing connections through my work, I learned that friends are friends. Work is Work. Either way, don't sacrifice your needs for the well being of others.. otherwise what have you got left to give? It's taken me a while to grasp this as much as I hate to admit it. And I've let it stop me from living my dreams until now.

But I've found one thing to be true. I respect and love my friends and my seniors in the world of creativity. However only the genuine ones will treat you with the respect and truly protect your artist. These people are god dam angels and successful in life. They will treat you amazingly because they are not afraid of you - what you believe or what you put into action. I call them fallen angels, you can call em what you like.

I just read a few articles about friends or people in your life who hate you for becoming successful and aspiring for more. They envy your desire, your dedication, your discipline, your determination. Because they don't have that confidence or faith. You want more out of life. It takes many of us years to reach that level of self love and put it into action. We have to protect ourselves and be mindful of who we associate with.

For me personally, letting go of contradicting actions, people and situations to what I want to achieve has become more of a habit. I have done this in the past, and ended up feeling guilty, but that only led to self abuse in the end. We must learn to nourish ourselves first. And a lot of friends are not going to like it, because you can't keep living life on the same mundane level. Or maybe you don't have as much time for them, in order to create your dream, or maybe its a particular group you associate with? Remember we are still animals and we like "Hierarchy" in our clans. Where do you fit? Are you serving someone else or serving yourself? And keep in mind we become like the people we hang out with. Successful people, know this better than anyone. I've had to let go of a lot of friends, colleagues and wannabes.

"I've gone through a lot of different friends, I don't know what is wrong with me" said the 23 year old me to the councilor. "You are just growing up. It is a normal part of life" I'm 30 now and I still feel that way to some degree.

I've let go of a lot of connections that sabotaged my goals. I've found a lot of people would never raise the bar as high as I do, and a lot of people wanna lower it so they can feel at ease with their own expectations. I've taken it by feeling guilty and frustrated that others wouldn't applaud it. What is wrong with wanting to achieve great things with your life?? Tell me!? Look at all the wonder we have created as humans. It can be a challenge creating all that momentum by yourself as a creative. And to find the mentors who are going to connect and want you to succeed. Cherish these connections! I've really learned to. And damn am I thankful.

I also read, that it can be lonely achieving wonderful things, and that it's natural others will resent you. Why won't they feel the inspiration !? Let's feel the inspiration. Live you dreams. Live your reality!

The art of letting Go - is letting go of anyone who is holding you back from your power. we can't erase these people but we don't have to lower our frequency to their level to please their insecurities. Just keep on loving yourself and choosing yourself no matter how selfish it seems. It's your life and we don't know what we have after that. Enjoy and wield the sword!

Let go of people. Let go of objects. Let go of the past. Let go of anything holding you back and you'll find a blank canvas and a fresh beginning!

Best Wishes

angie spice xox

Dawn Of A New Direction

2017-08-11T22:58:00.001-07:00

Greetings, and welcome to my blog "Will to Create" . I create expression through the art of illustrating and writing comic books. I also express myself through music performance. I am Angie Spice. I feel crazy good. Thank you for joining me.

I've dreamed of creating this blog for years on end; a read for any artist or creative soul. I'll be covering the topics of artistic well being, discovering and amplifying your unique creative talents, my journey as an artist and of course our will to create. It exists and it makes us human.