...wind, water, sand and sky...

2011-01-19T21:47:00.001+08:00

just in case you missed it, i've moved. :)

http://sunshinenshadowz.blogspot.com

2011-01-06T09:27:00.000+08:00

I'VE MOVED!

http://sunshinenshadowz.blogspot.com/

A NEW YEAR, A NEW BLOGSPOT, A NEW THEME...

PLEASE JOIN ME!

2011-01-04T18:29:00.003+08:00

hi friends and family- if you are still following my blogging, i've moved...

http://sunshinenshadowz.blogspot.com/

keep in touch! it's a year for sunshine!

2010-12-31T07:54:00.001+08:00

happy new year, friends and family...

i have a new blog that i'll be using for this coming year, with a different theme and a different "feel", i think.

please check in from time to time- i love you all!

http://sunshinenshadowz.blogspot.com/

2010-12-28T11:40:00.000+08:00

two German schnauzers.

^)^

2010-12-28T11:37:00.002+08:00

i'm sick.

coughing, sore throat, heavy chest, plugged-up nose, headachey...you know. the horrors of the common BAD cold.

however.

i continue on, making meals, tidying up clutter, entertaining little ones, and FUN FUN FUN-

learning all about our new puppy!

Bella.

Bella-Bella...such a musical name.

she's a living doll.

Emma's christmas present- every child should have a puppy for Christmas at least once in their life!

sneeze cough cough.

hope Bella doesn't catch this...

2010-12-23T17:46:00.002+08:00

i vowed several times this week that i was done Christmas shopping.

and i went again, and again, and today- TWICE!

what is up with that.

i'll tell you.

it's about thinking of someone, and then someone else, and then remembering someone else, and thinking of what they would appreciate and how you can bless them...and so you brave the traffic and the crowds and the noise and the chaos to find that special something for that special someone.

it's about giving.

it's about budgeting...planning...saving...and then flexing so that there's enough budget to go around.

it's Christmas.

but as of today, with 36 hours to go, I AM OFFICIALLY DONE.

AS IN DONE.

anyone i've missed will have to wait till after Christmas Day.

now.

let's talk about baking.

sigh.

2010-12-21T19:46:00.002+08:00

pondering today, my heart is, the Christmas story and what it means to me.

Happy Holidays?

Happy?

Merry Christmas?

Merry?

What was happy or merry about this burst of God-flesh being born in the filth of a barn, laid in straw, and rushed away to Egypt to save his life at just a few months old, while the mothers of Israel wept in anguish for their slaughtered babies?

what was happy or merry about the fact that there were no children within two years of his age in his town, because they had all been murdered in a desperate search for him?

this baby was born in the shadows.

lived his life in the shadow of a looming cross.

Those of us who thoughtfully follow him because we love him, ache for the years he must have spent even as a child- looking into the future to the horror that waited there for him.

a baby in the shadow of the cross.

a little boy knowing he was going to die.

a young man preparing himself to be a sacrificial lamb.

a messiah walking with measured tread the long slow road to calvary.

not happy, not merry.

ponder it, think about it, oh heart of mine.

and somehow find a way to celebrate a joyous season with deep reverence for the shadow of the cross.

2010-12-18T21:50:00.006+08:00

we are camping.

we are in a temporary rental home while waiting for our real house to be finished.

this is my desk.

don't judge me.

i have no explanation, other than that there is nowhere to put stuff.

perhaps next year i'll have a clean desk...

then again, perhaps not.

because last year, it looked like this.

oh well.

they say a clean desk is a sign of an empty mind.

2010-12-15T19:38:00.005+08:00

today they mowed the grass.

the roar of the terror filled the morning

cutting, hacking, crashing, slicing

the fields were in agony under noonday sun

the birds swept frantically to and fro, mourning their lost nests, searching for the little ones

my ears ached with the screams of the living wounded things

but

after the anguish and the death and the weeping

came a calm

and then

a fragrance rose from the stricken fields

a sweet sigh of pure beautiful pain

even though it was only meadow grass

the sweetness was there

and the merciful sky

wept a soft rain

onto the rows of fallen flowers

and the fragrance swelled and hung

in the gentle air

and my heart wondered at the awful beauty of the mowing.

2010-12-13T18:45:00.005+08:00

they've left the grass uncut.

in the heat of the afternoon, the fields give off the sweeter smell of flowers finished blooming and beginning to die.

rusty plants pour all their might into seeding for the future- withering stems and roots hunched high in the cracked dry earth...using every means possible- wind, dogs running through the field, our pantlegs- to fling the seeds out into the air.

there to lie, in the scorch of sun and the cool of night, until the rains come again.

help me to remember, when the withering comes, that there will be a gust of wind- or something- that will carry the seed somewhere

and that the rains will water it

and it will grow.

they've left the grass uncut.

2010-12-11T18:45:00.002+08:00

a small nun in a simple white cotton robe changed the way the world thinks.

she didn't mean to.

she just lived out her consummate radical love of people , and God used her to shake the foundations of humanism.

she was in love with everyone.

death was her constant partner; life her constant passion.

she walked her own road; did things differently; sought no titles; bowed to no one except Jesus; lived her life for one sole purpose- to love.

for a woman who never married, never bore a child, she loved far more than most wives and mothers do. the world was her nursery, the church was her husband.

i wish i could have met her.

i believe some day i will.

and i will thank mother theresa for showing us a way- to lay aside all of self and simply love.

2010-12-05T20:42:00.003+08:00

no two sunsets are the same..

i stand on my road, eyes to the west, letting the flames of the dying fireball wash over my face and shoulders like warm soothing fingers.

sometimes there is a clear sky, and the light is too brilliant to gaze at. i have to look away from the unbearable brightness.

more often, there are an infinite number of cloud designs, from shattery wisps to glowering thunderheads to palaces of foamy silver that catch the dipping dance of light and throw it wildly across the whole greying arch of the sky.

The darkness creeps quickly from the east, jealous of the glory. The grass waits, the trees wait, the houses wait, for the enveloping shadows, staring sadly as the last final red glow kisses the horizon and pulls its mouth away like a lover's kiss.

i wait too. i stand on the road and wait. the darkness comes up behind me and wraps me in his cool velvet jacket, nuzzling my neck with apologetic whispers while the stars twinkle their friendly eyes as if to say sorry.

never the same. no two sunsets are the same.

except that final moment of goneness.

2010-12-01T20:54:00.003+08:00

funny, the things that make me cry.

laughing really hard makes me cry.

the wind in the grass at sunset makes me cry.

watching my baby girl sleep makes me cry.

and, this week, losing a precious pet is making me cry frequently.

tigger died.

suddenly. unexpectedly. in the blink of an eye, he was gone.

kind of off in the morning, worse by afternoon, took him in and he was gone.

he was a bouncy, happy dog. a cheerful, smiling dog. even with that beagle look of droopy face and sad eyes, he was full of life and mischief and spark.

our little doggie. faithful, friendly, funny doggie.

we laid him to rest in the gentle earth, and i'm going to plant a tree on his grave and get a little headstone that says:

TIGGER
a little dog with a big heart
always loved, never forgotten.

and...i'm crying again.

don't even tell me dogs don't go to heaven. because i know they do.

2010-11-29T19:18:00.005+08:00

oh my little emma.

someday i hope you know that i tried to teach you to dance.

to dance the dance of life.

to whirl and twirl and sing and laugh and throw your arms open to the world with abandon and just let the joy of living sweep over you till the crazy whirl of it all sent you spinning and tumbling down in a hilarious heap on the ground.

2010-11-21T20:25:00.002+08:00

sometimes in my dreams i see this picture.

i hear the wavelets lapping on the sand and the dry rustle of grass in the small breeze.

i smell the tangy scent of salt water and the strong nose-crinkling odor of sea creatures hiding on the beach in their snug little holes.

i see the thousand blue-greens of the ocean and the paler blue of the arching sky.

i feel the kiss of the wind, the warmth of the sun, the tingle of the sand between my toes, the stretch of my eyes to the horizon.

i taste the spray when the breakers roll in, taste the sweat on my lips, taste the deliciousness of this perfect spot in the universe.

some people love mountains...fields...flowers...deserts...hills....

me, i love the sea.

this is my perfect place.

2010-11-19T19:49:00.003+08:00

i am the picture-taker in our family.

to get a picture with me in it, i have to hand the camera to someone and say, "please take a picture of me and so-and-so..."

so here is a rare picture of me and my little girl emma, starting to decorate our little christmas tree yesterday morning. it was very sunny out, hence the squints.

i love tropical christmases...nothing prettier than a palm or pine tree with twinkly lights.

in other news, we are thrilled that our daughter and her husband will welcome a third child to their family this coming february. grandchild #10!!!! emma will no longer be the baby of the family!

2010-11-17T05:18:00.002+08:00

last night when we went to bed, we noticed little lights in the darkness.

fireflies!

in our room!

what an amazing thing- this living close to nature. it has its ups and downs (rats, for instance) but fireflies in one's bedroom is definitely a positive thing.

all night long, every time i opened my sleepy eyes, there they were, blinking and blinking their tiny lights.

made me think.

an insignificant, fly-like insect with the power to create light.

what a Creator we have!

(i'd post a picture but i was too tired to take one, and they don't blink in the daytime heeheehee.. well, maybe they do but you can't see them...)

2010-11-15T09:52:00.005+08:00

body language tells so much. here, merry faye, my 11-year-old granddaughter, is on the soccer field as #3, getting ready to "dig". she's a digger.

i loved watching her play. not a star, but a digger. not too much self-confidence yet, for her body is gangly and growing and she doesn't really know her own strength, but a good player. her team came in third out of 12 entries...i am so proud of her.

much to be learned from team sports...cooperation, commiseration, celebration...

2010-11-11T19:20:00.002+08:00

the salt covenant.

a Biblical ceremony where each person brings a few grains of salt and adds them to one container, so that all are mixed and inseparable.

it's meaningful.

we did it at church last night- to symbolize unity and inseparability. each of us part of the whole. together.

as our church enters this new phase of life, it's important to really be connected. one blessing of the smaller sanctuary is that we get to talk to each other more.

we connect more.

we are closer.

covenant...where no matter what you do, you cannot get out of the relationship.

forever together, just like that urn of salt grains.

we are salt. we are light.

and we must keep our saltiness- the world needs our flavor!

2010-11-07T21:49:00.003+08:00

how's this for a blueprint...a plan...

take a stone, scratch on a wall, and presto...the plan for a window.

except that this won't work. it's too vague. no exact measurements. can't really be interpreted.

sometimes life throws us stone-scratched designs on rough walls.

somehow, we have to find a skilled translator to actually put this into a workable plan.

thank You, Father, for being our translator. Thank You for Your Holy Spirit, who teaches and interprets.

thank You for blueprints.

2010-11-05T21:38:00.004+08:00

the amazing Dr. Gaba brings new life once again to little girlie's teeth...cherrylyn this time, with assistance from emma, who is now "part of the team"!

2010-11-03T20:09:00.000+08:00

i love my little brown girl.

once in a while she still wants to be pink. and asks for a new brown mommy. sigh.

hopefully one day she will understand that skin color difference does not make me love her less, or make her less beautiful than a "PINK" person.

oh, this skin color issue is a tough one.

just out of curiosity, i wonder what would happen if a brown mommy adopted a "pink" baby.

i wonder...

2010-11-02T15:01:00.002+08:00

i've linked up to ann voskamps "aholyexperience"...

consciously beginning to be grateful.

today i'm grateful - which is beyond thankful- for my husband...that's he's home, that he babysits occasionally and plays hide-and-seek gloriously with our little muffin- and that he loves me, ancient and decrepit as i am. ;)

grateful.

2010-11-02T09:36:00.002+08:00

it's the simple things in life that are satisfying.

a simple meal- rice and fish.

a simple table...scarred and battered...

fresh cold water to drink...

and a banana leaf to eat off- with fingers!

it's the simple things.