Language Is Wine Upon The Lips

Catharsis

2010-03-10T00:26:00.019-05:00

To live a few years in pleasure and pain

To love and to hold and kiss all in vain

To wishing an end to life’s winding road
To thinking you made it
To cracking the code!

To falling and breaking and bleeding all out
To patching it up with many a doubt
To slowly regaining the friends loved and lost
To calling on angels
To paying the cost…

To dreaming and flying and jumping off ledges!
To reading and writing and polishing edges
To learning to learn and forgiving the careless
To wizening up and teaching the aimless

To sweeping the inside and reading of zooks
To finding the answer in many old books
To walking the path and learning from rivers
To changing the world and giving the givers

For I’ve lived a grand life and must never forget
In the end we’re all here just paying a debt
So what else is there left but to make a fine toast:
There is bliss to be followed!
Scream it out in great boast!

Pics via vi.sualize.com

LET'S HELP THE MOTHERLAND! Chilean Relief Efforts and Telethon

2010-03-06T14:13:00.013-05:00

Please visit the Banco de Chile site and donate to the Chilean telethon earthquake relief efforts. This is the official site and of course it's completely secure and safe.

Click here -->https://www.bancochile.cl/webchile1/Teleton/index_tarjetas_ex.html

They've been on television ALL night fund raising and they're up to $14m... trying to get $30m! You can see streaming of the telethon efforts at www.latercera.cl.

While I sit here on my fancy couch dressed in overpriced jeans and drinking sweet tea, I can't help to think of my own family that has no running water or electricity, and of the two million folks out there who lost it all and just sit and wait for a government truck to show up with water and pasta.

"If you can't feed hundreds of people, then just feed one"
~Mother Theresa

You may also text CHILE to 90999 to donate $10 to the Red Cross.

Put it all in perspective and let's help rebuild this little strip of land one day at a time.

FUERZA CHILE!!!!

PS. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU'D LIKE TO REPOST THIS ENTRY AND I'LL EMAIL YOU THE CODE TO MAKE IT REALLY SIMPLE! I WOULD TRULY APPRECIATE IT!!!!

Awful 8.8 Earthquake in Chile

2010-02-27T10:28:00.008-05:00

I can't get in touch with my grandma or anyone else. All lines are down. The Chilean news channel only shows crumbled buildings and terrible things and I'm writing because otherwise I'd have no nails to bite, or sweets to eat, and I'm tired of pacing around my house.

How mad is the Earth, really? This is bad;-(((

UPDATE: 7:20 PM EST
Got in touch with grandma finally and she's doing okay. She was a little groggy because her neighbor had given her some medicine to keep her nerves under control. She was sad because tons of keepsakes and furniture had broken but the house is doing well and she's not hurt. There's no electricity or water so I know she's struggling. My BFF Brian gave me a few hundred dollars to send to her and I'll add more to that just to make sure we help cover any damages and basic needs. We're still tracking down every family member since my father has 9 siblings and the extended family is rather large.

I feel so guilty for not being there. It's such an awful feeling to be here with all the comforts in the world and to have this little strip of land I care about so much be in such bad shape. I've been teary eyed all day... very sad;(

Thank you all for the wonderful wishes. It's pretty amazing when you know a few others around the world are thinking of you and wishing you well. I think my immediate family will be well... but so what... what about everyone else on the street and the millions left homeless. Who fixes that? Alas...

Here's a live stream of TV CHILE in case anyone wants to see the newscast we're watching at home. It's in Spanish... of course.

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/tv-de-chile

UPDATE 8:20 EST
I was just on the phone with grams when there was a nasty shake and I just heard the fear in her voice and the stuff breaking in the background. She had just finished cleaning up a bit. Oh, and someone broke in while she was out earlier and stole a few things including her wedding ring... the one she's had for over 60 years. F*CK THIS. Pardon my french. I'm losing my peace.

Writer's Block Be Gone!

2010-02-27T01:54:00.015-05:00

Hi folks and folkettes – cheers from South Florida from me to you. I’m not exactly sure why I’m going through a writing funk but I am… it is what it is and I’m not fighting it. I also haven't been all that put together lately: insecurities and fears all creeping up and I had a serious heart-to-heart with myself about it. I'm a very good listener:) On a good note, I left 99% of the work stress behind, and finally blocked all the bad vibes and negativity that came along with these folks. I feel a bit scattered-brained tonight, but I want to write so here it is...

RANDOM AWESOME NIGHT
Tonight was a specially (“especially”? Forever confused about that) lovely night because I’m back working a few whisky tastings here and there and really mingling and meeting nice people. I was at The Ritz Carlton tonight where my taste assistant and I were cordially invited by the food & beverage director to dinner, wine/champagne, and the most delightful chocolate-covered strawberries. The bartenders were so charming and told us how much they appreciated the “good energy” from us and of course, as you can imagine, that is by far the greatest compliment in the world to me. My co-worker is going through a tough time in her personal life and it really is no coincidence she spent all this time with me.

We had a really good time and I think she walked away understanding that most people don’t leave the house for work and end up being treated to an amazing meal by their employer “just because.” I think she understood it’s quite a blessing and that these things aren’t to be taken for granted and that maybe… just maybe… it was the universe letting her know it’s all going to be alright. I know she’ll be alright. She just needs to find her way and she will. Can’t wait to see where it goes!

ENGLISH PhD UPDATE
I’ve heard from a few schools and they’ve all been rejections… *insert dramatic music here* ’Sol good! Everyone I know from school has been rejected riiiiight along with me so what can I say, it’s really competitive! However, I’m still waiting to hear from 20 grad schools and all Ivy League programs release their lists March 15th… those are long shots, but who knows… maybe they’re looking for a giant Chilean who can read and write and knows about whisky and comma usage and abusage – it could totally happen! *Sigh* So far, I’m NOT going to Northwestern, Stanford, Michigan, U of Chicago, Duke, and UCLA. The rest is TBD… *Loading new exciting life... please stand by*

SUPER GOOD NEWS
Remember that I set my father up on a date? Well call me Cupid and pat me on the back because they hit it off and are officially “together”! Well… almost. She’s now in Colombia with her family and my father is waiting eagerly for her return. "If I had to wait over 50 years to meet the woman of my dreams, then it was worth every second" --> coolest thing my father has EVER said. I hear wedding bells! *SELF-HUG*

LUV LIFE

Paulo Coelho’s Facebook update tonight was great: “Hearts are made to be used, not to be stored in a safe deposit box.” Well, Mr. Coelho… I’ll take that into consideration. But I’m suspicious! No new love interest in my life by the way. I am however, crushing on “Jim” from The Ghost Whisperer. I likey.

LA FAMILY
Little sister is well. She’s still in Orlando going to school and talking to some boy in Chicago. Ugh… I don’t like this one bit. Dad is of course happy as a clam. Grandma in Chile is looking forward to my arrival sometime in May/June and I can’t wait to see her. I’m NOT looking forward to the freezing temperatures in Santiago, but I cannot wait to have tea and sweets with her by the old heater.

CINDY STUFF
Is it nutty that, unbeknownst to me, I am apparently really nervous about giving up all my stuff? I think the reality of moving and the nitty gritty details of what I would take, and what I would sell, and what to do with this couch that I love so much just got to me somehow. I know it’s just stuff and it is of course replaceable and for all practical purposes quite meaningless, but I’ve worked so hard to put a home together that I think I just got scared… Then I felt silly for worrying about it which made me question my own growth and ability to do what I need to do. Then I went on a shopping spree mostly because I won’t be ale to do so later on, and promptly went back to feeling silly with a lovely dash of icky vanity added to the mix. Well… you get the idea. The good news is that I figured it out and I’m mostly cured. Mostly. Note to self: KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID!

EXEUNT
I'm alright. I'm healthy, incredibly loved, and over-fed. I don't have much to complain about and if you saw the bright blue, sunny sky shining over the water in Miami, you'd smile too. I always shy away from everyone when I'm feeling out of sorts somehow. I'm not one to share right away and I think that's part of my writing block. I should work on that. In the mean time, I'm alright. You have no idea how beautiful my life is... sometimes I forget and I'm glad you're hear to remind me! Oooohhhh, I just got the chills... and there's the big smile on my face... aaaww I even let out a chuckle. Good times!

Follow your bliss!

It's the only way to live, ya know...

Cindy's Soliloquy

2010-01-26T21:59:00.020-05:00

As Ursula passed from girlhood towards womanhood, gradually the cloud of self-responsibility gathered upon her. She became aware of herself, that she was a separate entity in the midst of an unseparated obscurity, that she must go somewhere, she must become something. And she was afraid, troubled. Why, oh why must one grow up, why must one inherit this heavy, numbing responsibility of living an undiscovered life? Out of the nothingness and the undifferentiated mass, to make something of oneself! But what? In the obscurity and pathlessness, to take a direction! But whither? How take even one step? And yet, how stand still? This was torment indeed, to inherit the responsibility of one's own life.

When was the moment you became aware of your individuality and the responsibility of your own life? The moment you understood you really were a single entity - a combination of forces, will, soul and the unexplainable that make us... us. And then after that's done (if ever), how do we go on? And to where?

In Lawrence's The Rainbow, the characters' complexity is directly proportional to the downfall of their romantic relationships. In other words, the more individual and complete you are, the harder if not impossible it becomes to find a suitable partner. Pairing up of course threatens your individuality...

....Sooooo... then what? How do you, if ever, find that balance? Is it even possible?

To be oneself was a supreme, gleaming triumph of infinity.

What about the known vs. the unknown? Many years ago, a lifetime ago it seems, I was engaged to be married, soon to live within the confines of a white picket fence, with routine visits to friends and shopping malls, and a successful corporate career I could've taken anywhere I desired. And yet I KNEW it was all wrong. I was tragically unhappy and had no idea why or how I had gotten there. I'd turn off the lights and cried while watching my partner sleep next to me blissfully unaware of the turmoil I lived every single day.

How could it be wrong? Didn't I have what others spend forever trying to achieve? It was all so right, wasn't it?

And now I think back and realize... it was just the known. All along... it was all just known... it was expected... it was easy and it was guaranteed. It was routine, it was daily, it was simple only because I didn't care to complicate it by acknowledging my reality and individuality. I was part of the mass living that dreadful vanilla, quiet desperation. It was killing me.

I was repulsed by it.

So I separated from the undifferentiated mass and it was awful. For years it was just awful. I didn't know up from down and went from job to job and date to date. Why not? I thought, this is what I wanted, right? I wanted to feel; to feel anything! So I felt... like hell I felt.

Eventually, the right people walked in and the wrong ones went out. I was able to sit at home on a Saturday night reading a good book without fearing my own psyche. Nothing was ever perfect, but my imperfections were okay and in fact, they were quite beautiful and some very funny! Eventually, my individuality and my flaws became assets and not something I fought against. I took responsibility for my own life and I was no longer troubled by it. The undiscovered became the understood.

So like Ursula, I sit and wait for my mystical new man. The balanced and complete novel character whose happiness will compliment mine and whose life will fit right along my path. We shall have long metaphysical discussions about the meaning of affected Victorian poems and long soliloquies while sipping fine chardonnay and traveling the world in our sparkly horse carriage. We shall live happily ever after. Or will we? Or will anyone?

Isn't it pretty to think so...

(pics via vi.sualize.us)

Life's Vicissitudes

2010-01-24T21:20:00.011-05:00

I haven't felt like writing lately. Between class and long novels and a job that fogs my brain and immobilizes my creativity... I'm just tired. My eyes are puffy and my body is exhausted.

I don't feel like writing much now. I want to just sit on my couch and not think. Thinking really IS overrated.

I'm thankful for the abundance and I simultaneously resent how drained I feel lately. I'm out of shape and out of sorts. I'm off the wagon and unconnected to everything that matters. I let silly situations that are truly irrelevant in my life bother me and ruin the better part of my day. I miss exercising, dance class, and a good disposition. I'm in the best of moods when I'm reading a good story in class or drinking coffee with Prof. Marcus at the book store. Otherwise, my phone rings with problems, my email box fills up with futile requests, and someone somewhere needs me to stop by for something that was probably unnecessary in the first place.

I get it. It's just life.

Well................. NOT my life. I'm looking forward to reading poetry for a living. I rather stress out over a long paper ANY DAY than over a useless event schedule making very rude people richer and trying very hard to please the unpleasable. I mean really, if my boss EVER looked at me and told me to shut the f**k up I wouldn't even acknowledge their presence any longer and just walk away. This is the energy around me lately... low... so very low and negative.

I'm trying to deflect it. I'm trying.

I understand now why I'm an awful addition to their team and actually feel better about it? Huh... it reminds me of Prof. Marcus talking about D.H. Lawrence writing to figure out things and not writing about things he already knew. I don't fit into this program because they're vibrating so low that we miss each other completely. So I shouldn't worry about it and just work less and smarter.

Huh... well there you go... I'm delighted by my own cleverness!

*self-hug*

Thanks-you's coming this week... many things and many of you make me smile daily. Whining session is over and big girl panties are back on.

Apropos of Nothing...

2010-01-15T01:20:00.013-05:00

It's 2:21 AM and I'm pooped, but I have a few updates on the adventures in Cindiland. Here's a bulleted list because I REALLY should be going to sleep:

Super hot guy from my previous post wrote me an e-mail. It was just a benign reminder to send him an event's info that he was interested in attending. Of course I got all giddy and wrote back... And of course I never heard from him again. Oh well... he could've been a rather exquisite waste of my time.
My father decided NOT to take the job opportunity in Seattle. I'm frustrated, but he has made up his mind and already convinced himself there are "too many loose ends" here for him to just pack up and leave. Not sure what that means, but so be it.
However... my daddy has a date! A daaaaaate! My super good deed of the YEAR has been done. I got my old man a date with my good friend Janet's mom:) YAY! He's so cute too... He's coming over to my house tomorrow early and we're driving around the area he wants to take her to because he's not very familiar with it and doesn't want to get lost and look goofy. He's so cute!
Grad school apps are all in and I haven't heard anything from anyone. I don't expect to until end of February - April. The GRE folks screwed up AGAIN and sent my scores to Wisconsin instead of Michigan.... Alas... Who ARE these people?!?!?!
I had a good talk with a boy in my Victorian poetry class. More about this later, but I think I helped him overcome some insecurities about being bi-lingual and of a different culture. Plus, I appreciate him searching for a deeper meaning and following his bliss. I want to clone him and move to that city:)
Did I mention my dad has a date??!?!?! I'm SO excited that I just can't hide it. Truth is... I'd love to move away knowing that he has someone wonderful in his life. So fine, it's a slightly self-serving act... SLIGHTLY.
I have a roomie. My friend Daniella is going through a tough time and she's now staying in my spare room. I haven't had a roommate since my sister moved away so I guess this is a bit of an adjustment. She's 21... aaawwww... I know her from dance class and mutual friends and she's a really good girl. Holy schnykes... she's my sister's replacement. I have issues.

And I have tiredness. (My friend Brian says that because that's how the phrase is literally translated from Spanish.) I also have hunger, but after the holidays I could use a bit of abstemiousness.............

....... huh huh? Pretty good word, eh? It's okay to be impressed.

I have sleepy now. Good night.

(Pics via vi.sualize.us)

Irrefutable Proof That I've Got NO GAME

2010-01-08T00:10:00.011-05:00

Yesterday I spent a few hours looking at warehouses to hold an event. This one in particular looked rather inconspicuous outside and wasn't as big as the rest. I don't know why that would be interesting to you, but anyhoozens... I parked right in front of it, behind some fancy car which I figured was the owner's. I knocked but no one answered and since the door was ajar, I just walked in slowly half expecting to be kicked out.

Me: "Hellllloooo! It's Cindy... We just spoke on the phone"

And out of thin air appears this GORGEOUS, tall man with longish, light brown hair, mid to late 30s, sporting jeans and some kind of leather jacket, with a perfect smile, and a vvvvvvery cool walk.

Me: "Kevin?"
Him: "No, Scott. We just spoke."
Me: "Oh right, Scott. Why would I call you Kevin? *Hahaha... fake nervous laugh*
Him: "Do I look like a Kevin?"
Me: "Nah... you're totally a Scott" (Better answer: you're much better looking than a Scott)

So he welcomes me in and invites me to look around. I then proceed to drop aaaaall the paperwork that I was carrying inside my books. Apparently, I loose all feeling in my arms when I'm attracted to someone. A few nervous chuckles after that, I drop my pen, which of course against all odds rolls right under a desk and hits the wall. So I bend down to get it, hit my head on the desk on the way up, and pretty much solidify my loser status right off the bat.

After that fantastic episode, I follow him around while he talks to me about the venue. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... I'm literary not even listening and hoping to either run away never to be seen again or moving in and spending my life just looking at him. Either one would be acceptable. Then, for WHATEVER reason, I just decide to take my car keys out of my pocket and put them on a random table...

Me: "Oh wait, I really shouldn't leave my keys there"
Him: "Yeah... probably"
Me: "I mean, it's not like they're heavy or something"
Him: *blank stare*

"It's not like they're heavy or something"?!?!?!?

WHAT. THE. HELL. WAS. THAT?

I thank this incredible specimen for his time, walk out strategically managing to not fall on my face, get into my car, and put my head down on the steering wheel slowly but surely coming to terms with my inevitable and perpetual spinsterdom.

When I look up he is in front of me, Ferrari convertible top down, waving goodbye, and probably hoping I get home in one piece...

Call me? *sigh*

We Read To Know We Are Not Alone

2010-01-06T00:16:00.011-05:00

I wrote that down today in class. It's a quote from the British novelist C.S. Lewis and it really made think about our cyber community here and the stories we read and write daily for that incessant need to communicate with the world and share our lives and sometimes very intimate thoughts. We do read to know there are others out there and we smile every time someone chimes in with a word or two.

We're not alone. Interesting........

So I'm officially the president of the Professor Marcus University Fan Club and I follow him around every Tuesday and Thursday to Victorian Poetry and Modern Literature. Today was the first day of school and as I drove on to campus I felt that familiar, addictive rush and excitement that I absolutely LOVE. Actually, I got teary-eyed but I didn't want to confess... in the spirit of sharing I might as well: I am sap! There, now you know.

So, why does the novel matter?

Professor Marcus threw that out there very nonchalantly like he was asking to describe our winter vacation or talk about our pets on show-and-tell day. Needless to say it turned into a great discussion about life and love and completeness and the conscious and unconscious and the metaphysical and Jungian and on and on and on...

The novel is the one bright book of life. Books are not life. They are only tremulations of the ether. But the novel as a tremulation can make the whole man tremble." - DH Lawrence

My friend Marcela, who happens to be a wonderful artist and photographer, asked me why I wanted to teach not too long ago. It slipped out rather seamlessly that I just couldn't think of a better way to change the world. That literature was just my excuse to be there and although I loved it, teaching and reaching out to others was my true passion and motivation.

I asked a young classmate today how come she was dropping her pre-med major. She looked at me straight in the eyes and said: "I can live without science, but I can't live without [art]."

Need I say more?

Carpe Diem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(pictures via vi.sualize.us)

Walking Gets Too Boring When You Learn How To Fly

2010-01-01T22:55:00.014-05:00

Here’s to making resolutions for a wonderful new decade and wishing our loved ones a warm, happy new year while wondering if anything will really change at all!

Salud! *Tight Hugs*

Carry on please… Your quiet desperation awaits…

My father, who over twenty years ago took a rather successful giant leap of faith by moving his entire family to a new country, is having an awful hard time deciding whether to take a job opportunity near Seattle that pays more than twice his current salary. He calls me to discuss it every other hour and likes to incessantly list the reasons why it’s not a good idea. What about health insurance for your sister? What will I do about the house? Your aunt really doesn’t want me go… And what if I don’t like it there?

So what about the cheers and the hugs and the champagne we drink at midnight on the last day of every year we’ve ever known? Are we just going through the motions because that’s what we have always done and what our families and friends do? Or do we take that drink, eat those twelve grapes, and really… truly… take on this new decade by the BALLS and make it ours?!

The funny thing about happiness and adventure is that it’s actually up to you. It’s really your choice.

No really… it is!

I can’t make my father take the job offer, but tomorrow I’m spending time with him updating his resume and reminding him that we’re more likely to regret the things we don’t do than the risks we take. I’ll remind him that in a few months if all the planets align and all fairy dust has its way, I’ll be dropping my life as I know it and on my way to school, and that my sister is already living her own adventure while learning a few lessons along the way. I’ll remind him again that children come through you but not for you and that my aunt needs to live her own passions and let him live out his. It is not his job to assure anyone’s happiness but his own.

And so all I can do is open the door and hope he walks through. I’m not responsible for his happiness either and if he chooses complacency instead of opportunity and learning… well… that’s just his path and I will love him no less.

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it all happen.

I think about that all the time… I live it ALL the time.

So I made the decision not to be fearful, to be happy, and to follow my bliss. I decided to finally listen to my guides and wonderful friends who saw things much clearer before I ever did. It was a conspiracy alright… a really, really good one. Thank you… to all of you here, up there, anywhere.

Wholehearted warm wishes in this new year. May the universe conspire in your favor and may the search for truth and happiness be the guiding light in your life.

Your dreams await, you know…

Where are you flying to?

…cause I’m a gypsy
Are you coming with me?
I might steal your clothes and wear them if they fit me…

(pics via weheartit.com)

A Story About Chance and Opportunity

2009-12-29T02:56:00.019-05:00

Sometime earlier this year I answered an ad online looking for brand ambassadors with college degrees who were familiar with whisky and were interested in working local events.

Fast forward a month or so to when I found out they liked my work so much that I was asked to travel the country with them to help sell in the program. Boston, Dallas, Los Angeles, Chicago, New York, Harford, Denver, Phoenix and the list goes on… I got paid a ridiculously great amount of money to fly all out, speak for 20 minutes, and spend the night discovering a new city with that wonderful feeling of anonymity strange streets inevitable give you…

Then came the completely unexpected opportunity to conduct national portfolio tastings. I flew to Denver for the first presentation and I swear I thought my heart would thump right out of my chest when people in suits began trickling in. I skipped an entire section of the script, I got my facts crossed here and there and at some point I picked up a 12-year old bottle while candidly speaking of an 18. Next time, I only forgot one or two things, and after that it was just me having a good time, joking around, and wondering if I needed to reapply my lip gloss.

I had no idea you could have that much fun working! Was I really getting paid for this? I decided that everyone should feel that way and that there’s absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t pursue it… or at least TRY. One day walking around Lost Angeles I strolled right on to the UCLA campus where I sat on the grass facing the library and thinking it was about damn time I put on my now-famous big girl panties and do something aaaawwwwwmazing.

The rest you know… school, love, life, bliss, carpe diem! and the eternal pursuit of all things anti-vanilla…!

The opening of a permanent national brand ambassador job was there with the company and I gracefully bowed out without a doubt in my heart. It’s a glamorous life – I can personally attest to it, but I knew I had other things to do (they really wanted red-headed Scotsmen in kilts by the way… I definitely can’t compete with that kind of authenticity!)

[Original pilot team - yours truly, sweet Carlos, and gorgeous Serena]

[First local event in Miami, FL]

[Portfolio tasting in Phoenix, AZ]

[Hotel in Phoenix... wishing I wasn't working!]

[15 minutes of fame when I found out my picture was plastered all over the venue in Springfield, MO]

[Aimless wondering in Boston]

[Rockies vs. Marlins in Denver, CO]

Lessons Learned:

Never, ever, EVER under any circumstance pass up an opportunity to do your best. There is NO WAY to know where something may lead and what you might discover in the process.
Never, ever, EVER underestimate the power of “thank you” and “good job” – it can make all the difference in the world. I never pass up the chance to thank them for the opportunity to learn and discover a side of me I never knew existed.
Take chances and be fully uncomfortable and nervous as much as humanly possible – this is how you know you’re learning! What’s the worst that could happen? You’re terrible and now you know what NOT to do.
Travel – make it a priority and just do it. Save up all year if you have to and take that trip to a strange city. It’s exhilarating!

I found out not too long ago that they initially interviewed over 100 candidates for the local gig…

…talk about meant to be, huh?

Back To Normal!

2009-12-27T18:24:00.007-05:00

I’ve been so removed from writing and reading and doing anything artistic lately that I’m aching for a little sparkle. I have serious classroom withdrawal pains and I absolutely cannot wait to get back to school where imaginations are challenged and Professor Marcus gets to make his Daddy-said-go-to-rehab-and-I-said-no-no-no joke. It’s funny! (But I’m working on getting him new material… it’s time.)

In case you are wondering, all of my 27 graduate school applications are done and are on the way. Some needed to me mailed, some needed to be uploaded online, some needed to be uploaded AND mailed; all of them needed a writing sample and a personal statement while others wanted a writing sample and a statement of purpose with nothing personal on it. Some recommenders mailed in letters while others schools only accepted online recommendations. A few schools had cover pages to be signed while others wanted nothing to do with paper and email was king!

The GRE folks preeeeeeeeeeetty much screwed up on absolutely everything I asked them to do and mailed my scores to the wrong schools, failed to mail them to the right ones, decided that to change my date of birth on file and of course charged me over $500 which is a clear sign the world is indeed coming to an end. They wanted a faxed letter for everything because they don’t work online and if you needed yours scores sent to a different school, please fax in a signed letter. Toward the end of my frustration I actually said, “Do you OWN the GRE business?!?!?!? Get me someone who speaks human on the phone, please.” At least I said please, which was definitely NOT what almost slipped out.

Decisions will start trickling in late February through late April. I’m looking for five years of fully paid tuition plus a nice chuck of Benjamins for living expenses including but not limited to: eating, sleeping, studying and doing it all over again the next day… Yeah… *Fingers Crossed*

And so after all of this nerdy academic commotion plus the stress of a much needed full-time job… well… I’m craving a sweet story or a beautiful painting or a line or two of ANYTHING that makes my heart skip a beat. I cannot WAIT to read The Rainbow by D.H. Lawrence and maybe… just maybe get up in front of a classroom and teach one of his short stories. I have the opportunity and I guess I’d be silly to pass it up. Might as well follow my own advice and sport my not-so-sexy-but-ever-so-useful Big Girl Panties.

Here’s a gorgeous piece by my friend Barry at Life in Quotations… it really touched me and I wanted to share it. If you love it just as much, stop by his page and let him know!

Released

What goes on in your good-girl mind
Hushed from temptuous thought and deed,
As if being done a favour.
“Please do tell me how to act," they think to hear,
"For I know not what I want.”
Oh, if they only knew of the strength of your desire
To unfurl your wings in their midst
And fly untethered.

But when night visits and your thoughts play alone
And you drift, freeing your will from another’s grasp
What do you dream as your eyes weigh heavy?
While The One beside you sleeps.
Do you welcome another to your door ,
To your bed?
Do you breathe his breath as your own,
Heart against heart
Feeling his life inside you.
Writhing beneath the weight of his mass,
Giving in to that beautiful release.
Breathless body strewn across crumpled sheets,
Spent, used,
But blissfully fulfilled.
And again.

And the hours pass unnoticed,
Their birth and decay measured only
In reckless heartbeats
Teeth-torn wrappers scattered around you.
Fading droplets in your glass.
This moment a lifetime.

All too soon the sun greets your window
And The One stirs,
Signalling a return to your world.
Accompanied, yet alone.

What goes on in your good-girl mind
What shadows lurk, what secrets to find?
Would you surrender yourself
For one night of sin
When the wind blows through your door
And the wolf creeps in?

(pictures via vi.sualize)

On a MUCH Lighter Note...

2009-12-26T19:30:00.005-05:00

Ladies and Germs... Flight of The Conchords... H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S. ;)

A Vanilla Holiday

2009-12-26T14:10:00.019-05:00

Holiday spirit didn’t necessarily abound in me this year. My Christmas tree was half put together, I wrote one card for grandma and I can count the presents I bought in one hand. I’m not exactly sure why it’s been this way for the past couple of years. Somehow the holidays lost their spark and even though I still believe in magic… Santa fell out of that equation.

But the family get together still carried on albeit not without stress. Something was in the air when I showed up and my family was upset about something or other. It’s a whole lot of work to host dinner for at least 20 hungry tummies so I’m not one to throw stones. It just wasn’t really a warm a fuzzy welcome if you know what I mean. But eventually it all went well and way too many presents were opened, make-believe Santa stopped by to greet the children, and all the pastries and wine were consumed.

The best part was that at the end of the night everyone was upset again because one bunch of folks decided to pack up 90% of the left over food for themselves without any regard for anyone else. Here’s the kicker… as long as I’ve been part of this family, they have ALWAYS done it and the rest of my family has ALWAYS complained about and mostly just laughed and dismissed it as “that’s just they way some people are.” I guess this year they went a bit overboard and it was no longer funny or amusing. It was rather sad and desperate looking to be honest. My cousin’s wife attempted to slip out unnoticed with a giant tray full of goodies and shrugged in surprise when she saw me watching her in complete awe. I thought it was rather hilarious, but that’s just me because I didn’t spend all day cooking and decorating. But again, if it upsets you… tell them! Tell them that closing your eyes and soulfully praying before meals doesn’t absolve you from common courtesy. Tell them that the hosting party has approximately 10 nephews and nieces who are probably coming over the next day and wouldn’t it be nice to have food on the table… being that they hosted Christmas and all…?

But no… let’s all keep it under wraps in order to avoid trouble and keep up appearances. So then live with it and stop complaining.

I watched the kids open around ten presents each only to whine and complain after that it wasn’t enough or that they didn’t get exactly what they wanted. I know we want to give our children the best we possibly can, but is this good for them? They’re good kids too…actually, very good kids that I absolutely adore. But I saw first hand how greed and materialism turns even the most wonderful child into a concentrated mini-body of jealousy and gluttony. Wouldn’t it be great to teach our children to just be less human… hhhmmm…

I had a girlfriend once who used to make her kids pick one present of the bundle they received, re-wrap it, and go to the local shelter and give it away to a less fortunate family. It wasn’t an easy task, but it certainly inculcated some great values. I’m pretty sure if I ever have children I will do the same.

And now it’s time for New Years! I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do which means I’ll probably spend it sitting on a couch watching a giant ball drop on television. I wish they understood how much fun life really is and that you don’t need a giant buffet of gourmet food to have a wonderful time. Memo to my family: I propose that one year we give up buying Christmas presents and fancy meals, and use that money to spend NYE on a cruise in the middle of nowhere drinking cheap champagne and dancing the night away.

That’ll be the day…

... but that's my plan from now on. If my family wants to join me... great! If not... great! The only way to prevent vanilla holidays is to bring a little Cindy-sparkle into the mix and that usually means doing the complete opposite of what everyone thinks I should do. I've managed to do so in every other aspect, but somehow for the holidays I get suckered into that superficial complacency that's slightly depressing and ever so booooooooring.

So I guess the holidays have become monotonous and rather stale. Love, peace, and harmony don’t quite abound and the Utopian gathering I picture always falls short… barely makes it really (it feels fake and forced... does that make sense?) Yet I’m thankful for the amazing meal and time we shared together. I’m thankful for having a great, big family here and back in Chile. I’m thankful for our health, our successes, and well-deserved failures. And Maybe I’m just expecting too much or maybe I expect much less. Either way, I’m hoping to recapture the goodness of the season somehow… I’m hoping to bake cookies again and wrap them in pretty packages and great big bows for people just because. I’m hoping to send everyone personalized holiday music CDs with glittery holiday greetings, and maybe just maybe one day I’m hoping to sit back, look around, and truly feel the season’s blessings in my heart.

Happy Holidays!
I mean it! :)

(pics via weheartit)

And Then There Was Rain...

2009-12-18T19:06:00.009-05:00

Hey look! It’s a koi fish floating down the side of my street!

That’s right folks. A neighbor’s koi pond overflowed and there were giant fish on the street enjoying a few moments of grandiose freedom.

Why, you might ask?

Approximately fifteen inches of rain fell over a period of a few hours yesterday causing major flooding and my little town was ground zero. They said in the news it was very hard to predict because the major damage was literally over a few zip codes – mine of course being the MAIN one.

Wonderful.

I’m really thankful my car lived to tell the story since I got caught in the middle of it and BARELY made it back home last night. I had to cancel an event yesterday, and today I just couldn’t leave my house at all. It was cute when my co-worker, a recent New York transplant, thought I was completely exaggerating and offered to pick me up only to turn right back around so his car wouldn’t end up floating away. He did save the day and ran a long errand for me which I thought was awfully nice and I’m very thankful!

But there are horrible storms all over the country so I don’t want to complaint much. I guess once hurricane season is over, we assume it’s all fun and games in Florida and when it’s not, it sure takes us by surprise.

Well, at least after figuring out that I wasn’t doing much today I had time to write, read, and put up my giant Christmas tree. I have no idea what possessed me to buy a seven-footer last year but it’s mine and I might as well use it.

Never underestimate the power of a quiet Friday night at home watching television and reading a good book. Faaaaaaaantastic :)

Pics via weheartit.com and justnews.com

Life in Cindiland

2009-12-11T21:59:00.010-05:00

Hi! I spent about 15 minutes writing and rewriting the first sentence of this entry and nothing seemed to capture the past 30 days. Let me just tell you that I’m healthy, I’m working, the family is doing fine, and school plans are still brewing. I just wasn’t quite prepared for EVERYTHING happening simultaneously.

School Update
I’m applying to 27 schools including NYU, UF, UCLA, SUNY, Emory, and Harvard… yes… Harvard. Professor Marcus (aka Phil) decided that I should have the chance at Ivy League although I still think of it as the longest shot ever known to man. Seventeen of the very, VERY time-consuming applications are done and the rest are due 1/1 or 1/15/10 so I have some time to finish them. The GRE also came and went and it was just as atrocious as I expected… maybe even more. “Rescind” was one of the words I couldn’t figure out and I can’t remember what I chose, but it was an educated, slightly desperate guess. I did, however, get a decent score and I’m fairly optimistic about the whole thing! Decisions come in March and April so we’ll just have to wait and see…

Work
Ugh.

Family
Thanksgiving was great! My cousins and uncles once again did an AMAZING job and put together a wonderful dinner. I brought bread rolls and mini-croissants because I honestly had ZERO time to whip of a side dish or something more substantial. My dad also made a toast and kind of announced my school plans to everyone and told them he was very proud of me. I thought that was awfully sweet.

Boys
This space has intentionally been left blank.

Fine…Back to Work
I don’t want to go on a huge rant about this because the truth is that is all better now. Last week I put together 17 events for Art Basel in Miami that my client was sponsoring. There was a whole lot of miscommunication, personality clashes, fear, frustrations, and just pure EXHAUSTION. For six straight days I woke up at 6 AM and went to sleep no earlier than 2 AM. I didn’t eat well, I ran around all over the city, moved heavy boxes, and was fairly dehydrated most of the time. My little sister was my assistant for the week and her schedule was just as dreadful. She was a wonderful help and I’m not sure I could’ve pulled it all off without her. In the end, this was the toughest part of the program and I’m looking forward to fostering relationships and just being positive.

I honestly think this couple of weeks happened so next year when I’m knee deep in books and crazy research, I don’t EVER (ever!) question my decision to study full-time. I just don’t fit in the real world and none of these sales goals and event execution time lines and silly project management software matter to me. I have ZERO desire to impress anyone. I always do my absolute best because that’s what I am hired to do. But it’s just a job. It’s a means to a purpose and the last thing I want is to work around the clock to always come up short in someone else’s eyes (that’s funny because I’m 6 feet tall... but it's not funny because I had to explain it... I'm tired!).

Alas… no more whining. ‘Sol good. As long I know I’m coming from a place of goodness and love everything will be okay.

I just want to read poetry for a living!

And on that note, thank you Phil for being the most amazing friend and mentor in this trying school application process. My writing sample is wonderful thanks to your input and the advice you have given me is priceless. Plus, you feed me all the time and God knows I need the nutrition nowadays.

Let’s hope life comes back to normal in the next few weeks. Unfortunately, whatever time I had to write my blog before, I now spend finishing school applications. I have about ten to go so by the end of the year I should be all set. I will, however, have more time to pop in and say hi so try and say hi back. I miss my BBs greatly and hope to reconnect soon.

All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence. - Dr. Martin Luther King

What do YOU do every day that uplifts humanity? I'm working on my purpose... I suggest you start working on yours. It REALLY, really, REALLY is the best feeling in the world.

Carpe Diem!

Personal Statement

2009-11-03T20:18:00.023-05:00

I thought I'd share this although I may have told you some of these stories already. This is the personal, very non-technical essay that schools require for admission. Of course the pictures won't be included and I may tweak it a bit, but it's almost done... here we go... ;-p
Being the new kid in class is never easy at any age, but it’s considerably more difficult when you’re eleven years old, in a new country, and trying desperately to learn a new language. You would think teachers were supportive, but instead I was sent to the back corner to read the dictionary almost daily because I was just unable to keep up with the class lectures. This was, of course, not only extremely frustrating for me but rather futile being that the dictionary was all in English and I didn’t understand the definitions anyway. You see, I learned how to speak English somewhere around the age of twelve. Up until then, I was a top student in a private grade school in Santiago, Chile, where I excelled in language arts and history.

Of course I excelled in physical education because I didn’t need to speak English in order to run fast and climb ropes. I won the Most Improved P.E. Student Award in sixth grade and that was the first time I was recognized as being “good” in school in U.S. Although I was rather shy and introverted, I joined the orchestra in middle school and eventually graduated high school with the highest possible honors.

Through a temporary employment agency, I began working for a major pharmaceutical company in 1999. It turned out that I was assisting the Sr. Medical Editor with various administrative tasks and some “light” proofing. A few months later I was hired permanently and became the “Labeling Assistant” and eventually studied my way up to a “Jr. Editor.” I had absolutely no idea I had such an aptitude for language, grammar, and research. I always enjoyed reading and writing and my highest marks where in literature classes, but to make this a career was an entire other situation.

I attended college full-time climbing the corporate ladder rather quickly. I worked eight to five, ran to school six to ten and usually had a Saturday course. On my third year of college I still wasn’t sure what my major was going to be. My father said business was safe and so did my boss and co-workers. My friends said marketing would always be useful and my young sister wondered why I didn’t pursue music – I did love playing the clarinet. And then I sat in a Saturday morning British Literature class where I decided that no amount of accounting and business law would ever touch me as deeply as Clarissa Dalloway did. I decided that no corporate position could satisfy me more than reading a strange Eliot passage only to realize after deep analysis that it’s indeed a timeless masterpiece. I decided that I loved literature and would somehow make a living in the field, but not without second-guessing everything for a bit longer.

I had worked so hard climbing that silly ladder to finally earn the Technical Writer/Editor position that the fact I was still tragically unsatisfied was seriously baffling to me. So I left this great company for a much better paying copy editing job a couple years after graduating college, only to run into the same creative frustrations. I then tried real estate in search of that elusive independence and a drastic change of atmosphere. Needless to say that did not work out well and I fell back on my experience as a contracting event manager to make a living. I did not realize these small events I ran on a very part-time basis as a way to make extra money would serve as a stepping stone to a fairly fulfilling job.

Who knew there was life outside the claustrophobic cubicle and that I could actually do very well for myself as a contractor? I started as a liquor sampling girl and rather quickly landed a Market Manager position for a national adult-beverage company that allowed me to work from home and discover an entire new set of dormant skills. I even got a couple of book editing jobs through friends of friends who recommended me. I had never edited a book, but when you work for yourself, you say yes to everything and then figure out how to do it. The Chicago Manual of Style was already on my bookshelf, so I did it and did it well!

I started a blog online to share some of these growing pains with the world. My theme eventually developed into “follow your bliss” and “carpe diem!” I wrote about taking chances because nothing will be accomplished if you sit at home waiting for your destiny to happen. I wrote about my “vanilla phobia” and how my biggest fear in life was to have an insipid existence in that much dreaded “quiet desperation.” Eventually, after much self-analysis I decided to walk the walk, talk the talk, and follow my own advice. I’m going to renounce my life as I see it and go back to school because that’s how you follow your bliss! You take a gigantic leap of faith with the most austere understanding that there is nothing in the entire world you would rather do.

I’ve already worn the fancy suits and traveled in fancy first class using my corporate card. I’ve already been wined and dined by clients and industry colleagues while discussing the latest trends in the stock market. I’ve already danced the night away in South Beach and had breakfast with sleepy-eyed friends while reminiscing on the good times. I’ve already traveled the country as a brand ambassador for a Scotch whisky brand and had the opportunity to participate in major public speaking engagements. You see, I’ve already done so many things in my life that I know, as certain as the sky in blue, that this burning desire to study literature is not a whim or something that it’s just expected of me. This is not a decision I’m making while crossing my fingers and hoping it’s the correct one. I know it is and I’ve always known – I just needed to experience a few things in order to feel it in my heart.

And here I am writing a personal statement to further my studies in this language that at one point seemed so alien and so unbelievably complex. A language that I learned from scratch – verb by verb and predicate by predicate. A language that I grew to love with all its nonsensical rules and odd sounds. Eventually my ears and my tongue were able to differentiate “color” from “collar,” and “thorough” wasn’t an impossible word to spell any longer. I think graduate school will be similar and eventually I will flourish and succeed because that’s what passion and experience bring to life. I wonder what my fifth grade teacher would say now if she saw me. She might ask me to edit the dictionary instead of using it to deflect her own shortcomings. I, on the other hand, would tell her to rethink her career choice because teaching, researching, learning and loving aren’t about easy cover-ups. They’re about getting to the main idea, reading everything ever written about it, refuting everything already said, and developing a better, cleaner, thought-provoking theory. I’m up for the challenge!

(Pics via weheartit.com)

Making a Difference Monday - Part III

2009-11-02T23:28:00.005-05:00

So you boys and gals remember [carrotspeak]? Well, I think it's time I get back to making a difference!

My good deeds:
Remember cute bartender I met in Dallas? Well, he was in Miami this weekend and although I couldn't go out and grab a drink with him, I did drive a rather long distance to take him and his friend to the Port of Miami. (They're on a cruise now... nice!) It saved them tons of money and it was actually a nice time. They're two really good guys and I was happy to tag along and help out at the same time :)

I also TEMPORARILY lent my sister some cash to pay her rent. No more will be written about this because it annoys me. The end.

I've been helping out my daddy deal with his home insurance company and have written a few letters on his behalf. He is very thankful and wants to cook me dinner. I love that.

Good deeds done for me:
Brian changed the lock on my mailbox because I lost my keys during an event I was working.

BFF Vanessa also came to help set up that event and help out last week. No questions asked - I needed her and she showed up a bit later. Love her to pieces!

Got a set of GREAT novels from another BFF to prep for grad school. I thought that was awfully nice and thoughtful.

There... not too shabby of a list!

Anarky!

2009-11-02T01:56:00.004-05:00

This might just be one of my favorite pictures... ever. I found it on Rachel's page and she's right... so much to say... I LOVES IT!

Awareness: Down The Rabbit Hole We Go!

2009-11-01T21:56:00.013-05:00

I took the red pill. But not without a hell of a fight.

If I could infuse the world with just one thing, one feeling, one concept; it would definitely be the ability to BE AWARE. The ability to see past the end of your nose, to live empathetically, to radiate kindness, and most importantly to be aware of our own flaws. It’s okay to be insecure and it’s okay to be jealous. It’s okay to feel odd about your body or to be impatient and say and do things you later regret. It’s okay to lie to your boss and play hooky from work and it’s okay to encourage someone to love you although you know you’ll never love them the same way…

I’m guilty of all and much more. The difference between then and now is awareness and the ability to fix it… instantly… and hopefully while it’s still just a thought. Eventually, it won’t even be a thought or something to fix. It will just be. It's only okay because accepting these flaws and being aware is how we grow.

Remember my feelings about being less human? I still feel that way. I still think we should live from a higher plane without the tediousness of our own earthy mishaps. I aim for that awareness every day and part of that is recognizing my own flaws and how incredibly easy is for us to inadvertently sabotage our lives.

That’s the red pill. That’s the awareness. Take the blue pill and you’ll live - happily so - in the matrix… where you’ll go to work daily, drag yourself back home, make love to your spouse once a week, take your sleepy kids to school, and wonder every night if this is all there is with some kind of intrinsic knowledge that no, it is not.

Here’s a short and colorful list of things I’m not proud, but very guilty of:

Vanity (who, moi?)
Materialism (I want I want I want bigger faster better)
Insecurity (I can't I don't know how I won't)
Jealousy (I assume I don't ask I hurt)
Selfishness (I take I use I deserve)
Neediness (I need attention I need love I need you)
Aimlessness (I try this and that and maybe that too)
Pride (I am this I am that I will not)

And then I met my BFF Brian who decided, at the expense of my feelings and almost our friendship, to point out all of these things (and more) one by one and with very concrete evidence… He was honest, loving, and straight to the point. I cried and I argued and I tried desperately to prove I was a good girl. What I didn’t understand is that indeed I was a good girl. I was just completely unaware of… EVERYTHING.

I was unhappy and didn’t know why. I hated my job and couldn’t figure out why. I wanted to date, date, date just for the sake of dating and hoping desperately to find someone who told me I was pretty and would love me forever. I had a serious case of body dysmorphic disorder where I couldn’t figure out, honestly, how skinny or how heavy or how it was that I was supposed to or wanted to look. I never looked right and I never wanted anyone to see me either. It all came across as awfully vain because pretending I loved myself was the only way I knew how to feel better about it. And my goodness was I needy… you did NOT want to cancel an outing on me and I did not care if you had worked a 24-hour shift non-stop at the fire station prior to that. You were rejecting me and so you hated me.

We call that girl “Crazy Cindy” and Brian likes to bring her up once in a while… mostly for a good laugh! (Dear B, if I haven't thanked you enough for your love and patience please know that I am forever grateful and that I wouldn't be where I am today without your relentless belief in me. I love you dearly, my friend.)

They say that we live and learn… whoever they are. Actually, most of us live and rarely learn a darn thing. We tell ourselves that life is hard and so we live it in a hard way. We tell ourselves we’re just human and so we accept jealousy and insecurities. We have jobs we don’t enjoy because that’s what our parents did and that’s all we know. And we rarely, really take a look at our flaws and figure out a way to fix them because we don’t even know where to start.

But I did and that was the beginning of happiness.

One day I threw my pride out the window and called Brian: “I’m ready to listen.” And I never stopped… I went deep down the rabbit hole into a rather scary, but very real adventure. I decided my flaws were BEAUTIFUL! I decided that sometimes I’m impulsive and say things I regret and I decided that I can certainly be bossy and pushy sometimes although I never mean to be. I decided that my life is exceptional and my purpose is rather daunting, but really exciting! I decided to meditate, to read, to research, and find a solid spiritual growing path that made sense to me… not because my parents say so and not because everyone else believes it, but because I feel it and because I know it.

I choose awareness and I choose kindness. And believe me, it’s not an easy choice to make. Actually, I’m pretty certain it was the hardest, most excruciatingly painful experience I’ve had. But I tell ya, when I say Carpe Diem Babbbbyyyyy!!!!! I mean it because I’ve lived the alternative; and when I say Follow Your Bliss I wish you saw the energy radiating from me because it’s unbelievably honest and strong.

I’ve heard it said that we’re all born geniuses and life has a way to de-geniusize us. The antidote: AWARENESS. LOVE. KINDNESS. COURAGE. PATIENCE. (Don't forget Mother Theresa: Love without getting tired....)

So which pill do you choose?

(pics via weheartit.com)

Gratitude Note - Part VI

2009-11-01T21:15:00.009-05:00

Alright, it’s official. I’m a bit overwhelmed. I’m so thankful for all the work coming my way, but when you’re a contractor it appears that the word “no” just falls right out of your vocabulary. “Yes!” always slips right out before running it all through my mental calendar and realizing I can’t clone myself.

And so my writing and my blogging have fallen down the priority list. In the words of the great Bart Simpson: this sucks and blows all at once. I’ve also had a migraine all week that comes and goes… it “ebbs” as our dear friend Walt Whitman might say. Today in particular, I swallowed a series of miscellaneous pills, I’ve drank herbal teas that according to grandma work wonders, I took a long delicious nap, I turned off all the lights, I’ve drank plenty of water and eaten plenty of goodies… and here I am… struggling to write this because I can barely look at the screen without the throbbing upstairs.

However, I did want to say thank you for the amazing life I lead. Work couldn’t possibly be going any better. I told my BFF Brian the other day, “when it pours it rains!” And although I can now add dyslexic to my list of things to overcome, when it rains it pours and I'm loving it all. So my to-do list piled on rather high but I finally met the team I’ll be working with and in particular the one guy who will be my partner for the next six months, Bones Rodriguez. I’m happy to report we all have great chemistry and I don’t foresee us having too many issues. I’m excited!

Oh, and my name was forwarded to another client running some marketing programs and she literally sent back the following: “Oh Cindy will be managing it? We love her! Great.”

*self hug*

I haven’t seen my Dad for a few weeks. It always seems something comes up when I’m on my way over. I really need to make him more of a priority. I also haven’t been able to be in school consistently for a while. Between the god-awful porky flu, the traveling (which has been great!), and now all the work… well… everything has kinda sorta piled up and I’m kinda sorta stressed out.

So, my school applications are finally being done. Everything is due December 1st … in other words: NOW. I’m having trouble with recommendation letters since I haven’t seen some of those professors since 2001. I was a little down about it, but I know somehow it’ll all work out. I’m contacting Prof. McKinley who always encouraged me to keep studying and go to grad school when I was in college. She said I’d make “the perfect grad student!” Too bad I didn’t listen to her back then… But I’m baaaaaaaaack and I hope to God she remembers me enough to write on my behalf.

I’m also quite thankful for the friendship I’ve developed with Phil (formerly known as Professor Marcus). He’s really been a wonderful source of encouragement and just fun to be with. I’d be pressed to find better BFFs in my life!

No boys to really speak of…as usual! Ya’ll know I’m allergic to dating. Alright fine - it's just not the time... I know I know... But a girl can fantasize and I figured out I not only have a crush on the Winchester brothers from Supernatural, but on "Jim" from the Ghost Whisperer as well… hhhhmmm… nice.

Oh, my hair is very dark black now. I love it! So that’s that.

I have a list of things I want to write about but I thought I owed you an update first and definitely a Gratitude Note to the universe. Life is wonderful and although I’m struggling to finish everything, I really wouldn’t have it any other way.

Much Love… Cindi Lou Who.

Update From The Road

2009-10-21T01:16:00.011-04:00

I’m at the Aloft Hotel in Dallas. It’s part of the W Hotel chain so it’s funky and classy and has the Bliss toiletries that I think are swell. Not as great as the W in L.A. but I’ve got nothing to complain about. Wait, I do. They don’t have room service. What is that all about? I was hungry and all I could get was a lame, heated up pizza at the bar. And no breakfast in bed tomorrow?!?!?! The horror…

I really do meet funny characters sometimes. Jeff is a nice guy from Nashville who had the liquid courage to talk to me all night while trying desperately to tell me all he knew about bourbon in Tennessee and Kentucky because he assumed that’s what I wanted to chat about. His friend came down to say hello while he was yapping away with drunken eyes about something or other and she apologized to me on his behalf… I’ve must’ve given her that woman-to-woman defeated look that spelled out “save me” because she just said “I’m sorry. He’s harmless…”

C’mon girls, you know the look…

The bartender was a very cute boy who just moved to Texas from Michigan about two months ago after breaking off his engagement and wondering what to do with a five-thousand-dollar ring that’s no longer relevant. I told him to re-gift it. He can’t return it and pawning it would give him a third of the price… so, he might as well wait till he meets the next Mrs. Almost Perfect and give it her.

Is that horrible? I don’t know. Better than loosing all that cash! Plus, he just graduated college and is looking for a market analyst job and really, what IS he going to do with that ring? He’s a total cutey pattooty and oh my goodness I’m a cougar. I probably have at least five years on him. Ugh…

So I invited everyone to the whisky tasting I’ll be working tomorrow. It’s free and you’ll get to taste great Scotch and of course, hang out with me! Yeah… nobody cares: -->FREE BOOZE!!!!<-- Now we’re talking!

Tomorrow morning I’m going to the Legacy Shops down the street because I don’t feel like hanging out here till I have to work. Plus, the hotel has a free shuttle that’ll take me there. I’m mostly going because of the free shuttle. And because there’s no room service to spoil me...

That’s my update. I’m washing off my make up, brushing my teeth, slipping into comfy PJs, and reading Allende’s Paula till I drift off…

Good Night World!

Enchanted

2009-10-19T23:40:00.012-04:00

…But I’ve been to San Francisco about seven or eight years ago and although I knew I liked it, I wasn’t prepared to fall in love. It was the same elating feeling I had a few months back when I went to Sedona and made sure to wear all the long dresses I hadn’t worn back home. You see, no one there knew they were a new trend in my wardrobe.

Last time I visited San Francisco I was with my ex-fiancé. We were in love and everything was magical. It was also the first time I traveled with a boyfriend and San Francisco was our playground. The cable cars and the endless winding roads, the sea lions sunbathing and pushing each other in the water, the dark halls of Alcatraz and the moment they locked us in a dark cell and told us to look out the small window and see the city lights through the eyes of long-gone inmates; the old church that reminded me of one down the street growing up in Santiago, and the Japanese Tea Garden with its perfectly trimmed, exotic bushes and its miniature cascades of clear water.

So I walked and walked up and down Market Street on Friday morning thinking of how different my life is now. Eventually I got on a cable car and made it to Fisherman’s Wharf where the smell of freshly baked sour dough bread and the fish market down the street weren’t helping my sentimentality. The Ghirardelli Chocolate Factory was another ephemeral, lost memory and as I sat there sipping my hot cocoa with extra marshmallows I thought, I wish someone was here with me to share this day.

I was happy and I was sad and I was thankful and I was confused. I wasn’t expecting the fresh bread to take me back over twenty years when I used to pedal my way to the corner store to buy eighty pesos worth of bread although my parents had given me a shiny hundred pesos coin to spend. I thought it was clever to buy twenty pesos worth of candy and eat it very quickly on my way home. How would they know? My parents always wondered why I was seldom hungry, but I digress. The fresh fish smell and the folks cooking right along the street inviting you wholeheartedly to try their latest concoctions was all I needed to fly away to Valparaiso twenty-five years ago where my father and uncles ate ceviche out of a giant shell of some sort while drinking wine and telling funny stories I was probably too young to hear.

So I walked and walked and thought of so many things I hadn’t thought of in so long. Some were awful memories I wish weren’t part of me but hope to one day know why they are. Most were wonderful times in my life that I hope I never take for granted and find a way to share with as many as possible. I am surprised I didn’t overload on hot cocoa because I just sipped and sipped on it all day and remembered my grandfather using a long, thin spoon to swirl the chocolate milk in my cup so I would drink from the water spout! He would cheer me on too… go go go go it’s almost gone – you have to finish it! And I would… I’d drink it all probably faster than any five-year-old ever should.

I met a nice girl sitting at the bar later that night. I ordered a glass of wine and quickly decided a fourteen-dollar pomegranate martini was much more suitable. She was a highly successful woman with an air of naughtiness all wrapped up in complete put-togetherness. She was going to meet guy friend who was late – annoyingly late. She was thirty-eight, had dated plenty, but never managed to meet him. I thought how I’ll only be a couple of years younger than her when I finish school. Will I be wondering the same thing? I took a big gulp of my martini, smiled, and reminded myself that whatever will be will be. They'll be just fantasies for a while longer...

Maybe it was the cooler weather, maybe it was the sights, maybe it was just the energy, maybe it was the smells, maybe it was the young man who gave me his seat on the cable car… All I know is that last week while flying away on a routine business trip I found myself once again fully enchanted by this city, and the morning of my flight back I walked around downtown wrapped in my bright red scarf thinking in a rather foggy daze that I had truly and quite inevitably… left my sappy heart in San Francisco.

Gratitude Note...Or Something Like It

2009-10-17T23:58:00.012-04:00

Hello cyber world… I’m so tired and I feel SO behind on EVERYTHING. I still have to tweak my grad school essays and I have to start filling out 30 applications. The flu really had me out of commission for way too long and I honestly feel “out of it.” I don’t even know what’s going on in your lives – did Barry’s cat ever attack him in the middle of the night (deservingly so…)? I haven’t stopped by Sandy’s page to say hello yet. Hi Sandy! I’m coming! Have the kids driven Zoe Rights insane yet? How’s Papa Shane doing today? Has Sweet Mango written another love story? Did Court fall crazy in love? And what shenanigans has LiLu gotten into these past few weeks?

I love you guys and I’ve missed you! Thanks for being my BBs. I truly enjoy reading your stories.

I just got back from San Francisco where I experienced a series of intense and totally unexpected feelings (God I LOVE that city). I also fell madly, deeply, crazy in love with a boy in the elevator at MIA. I wish I knew his name. Trip details coming soon.

The GRE Subject Test in English Literature came and went and it was just as horrifying as I suspected. I’ve never been happier to turn the page and read “April is the cruellest month…” while internally screaming in joy because of course Professor Marcus has practically tattooed T.S. Eliot’s The Wasteland on our foreheads. I was also trying not to cough and distract this room full of funny looking, nervous kids. We were the saddest group of nerds you ever saw at 8 AM in room 117 at The University of Miami. The guy in front of me was taking the Subject Test in Math *EEEEEEK!* and the kid in front of him was taking it in Physics *TRIPLE EEEEEEK!!!* . I’m thankful it’s over! General GRE coming up next month… one more to go.

I’m reading Paula from Isabel Allende. I forgot how amazing it is to read in Spanish. I forgot how long and complicated the sentences can be and just how different it flows. I was a bit taken back how "new" it felt and how language, no matter what it is and where it comes from, has often the inadvertent effect of making you feel things you may had forgotten to feel. It’s a wonderful story written to her daughter who is comatose and slowly dying. It’s the painfully true tale of Allende’s childhood, present, and unknown future. I highly recommend it, although I’m not sure you can translate such delicate rhetoric…

Well, the flu is gone and all I have is a stubborn lingering cough that’s just a nuisance more than anything. I’m back to work next week and ready to tackle all my deadlines. I’ll be going back to school and it’s now time for a little Emily Dickinson action. I’ve never read much of her poetry so I’m excited to learn a bit about her. All I know is that there are long dashes after every line, she never published while she was alive, and it’s rather morbid writing… we’ll see…

Not sure if there’s a lot of gratitude openly expressed here so just to recap: I’m thankful I’m finally healthy, I’m thankful for my blogging friends, I’m thankful for the opportunity to visit an amazing city and make some money along the way; I’m thankful I’m home safe and sound, I’m thankful for my new black boots and my checkered coat, I’m thankful it’s no longer over 90 degrees in Miami, I’m thankful for my DVR and coming home to my favorite shows, and I’m so very thankful that kid wasn’t in that balloon. Good heavens!

Now on to catch up on your stories… XOXOXO

Back to Work... In Style

2009-10-13T15:07:00.010-04:00

Today I had a meeting with a potential client. On the way there I decided to stop by the drugstore and pick up cough syrup for obvious reasons. Because I was rushing and clinically impatient, I quickly swallowed two big gulps when I got in my car while scanning through some of the directions. What’s the big deal anyway, kids drink this, right? I just need this contract signed and don’t want to cough all over this lady. I made a pit stop at Dunkin Donuts and grabbed me some cafesito and a bagel with a little bit of butter and jelly – I didn’t eat breakfast at home.

I got to South Beach in one piece, found a great parking stop and strolled along Lincoln Road till I found the Starbucks right by Washington Avenue. I felt a little funny, but nothing too bad considering I’ve been bed-ridden for seven days. *oooohhh’s and aaawwww’s please*

Whew... she's not here yet. I might as well order something.

And then it hit me -->I WAS DIZZY. One minute I was fine and the next I was dizzy like it was Friday night and I’ve been shooting a few tequila rounds while sipping on cheap wine and flirting with the bartender. I was so, incredibly dizzy, I could barely focus on reading the Starbucks drink menu. And why was I reading the menu anyway? I always end up ordering a boring iced passion tea anyway.

I held on to that Starbucks counter with a sad smirk on my face, eventually I got my tea, and sat down in complete disbelief wondering why I don't really think this is funny. I reached into my purse and pulled out the cough syrup (I didn’t want it boiling in my car): two teaspoons… it was only supposed to be two, very tiny teaspoons. I peeled the label off the bottle and realized my seemingly harmless gulps actually consumed HALF of the entire bottle. That’s on top of the antibiotic dosage and the cough pills I had taken in the middle of night. Definitely not funny.

Lady Client strolls in (late, thank goodness) and she’s babbling at ten thousand miles per hour sounding an awful like Charlie Brown’s teacher: whaa-whaa-whaa-whaa-whaa…Her storage unit flooded, her apartment was sold, she needs to move, she’s got so much to do, thank you for being here, I can’t believe my car is all wet with stuff but thank god is a rental and whaa-whaa-whaa-whaa…

Eventually we got down to business and I BARELY held it together. My eyes must’ve been googley, I'm blinking more than humanly possible, and I’m shaking my head up and down like “uhuh… uhuh” waaaay too much. I’m trying to concentrate on what she’s saying while wondering if I should confess I’m so high I’m about to float right up this seat. I opted for not saying much and agreeing with everything she said. Hey, at least I'm not coughing.

“Any questions?” She asked at the end.
"Yes. Do YOU lock up your medicine cabinet? This stuff is AWESOME!"

That… would NOT have been funny.

Okay maybe a little.

(Ugh. What a morning.)

{photos via weheartit}