Language Is Wine Upon The Lips

Today

2012-02-02T21:40:00.002-05:00

Write... I tell them every week to just write. Don't worry about structure or length because none of that matters if you cannot put words in some kind of meaningful sequence. They nod and they agree and on and on I go about life and art and the infinite possibilities of everything. The athlete squints in well-deserved disbelief, the business guy takes detailed notes, and the poet smiles insinuating a deeper knowledge that I dare not question. I am privileged in ways I cannot and may never truly understand. Standing in a position of undeserved authority, at times a blank slate hoping something seeps in so I can seamlessly send it back out in the form of a fleeting writing lesson that may or may not serve them in any kind of meaningful way. Oh but if it does.... and if maybe... just maybe at some point something I say, something I do, something I imply changes their life for the better... alas... what a bliss! Who cares if their words aren't fancy and their sentence run on and on and on... Just write. The athlete takes notes, the business guy smiles, and the poet... well the poet just writes.

6 Reasons Why You Suck at Life

2012-01-25T14:50:00.001-05:00

1. You are reactive and not proactive
You fail to anticipate things and end up putting out fires instead of planting seeds. The future isn't promised to any of us, but we should learn from out past and be able to clearly foresee certain outcomes. If your tire pressure has been low for two weeks, are you really surprised you're stuck on the highway at midnight waiting for the tow truck? Take responsibility for your actions. Plan, but don't commit to just one way of doing things. Remember that flexibility, fluidity, and change are positive (and useful) words in your life!

2. You are incapable of parking within the lines
At what point did you think that taking up two spaces to park your seedy South Beach weekend rental was okay? It's not. Ever.

3. You are are a chronic late arrivee...
Early is on time and on time is late. You can blame my high school band director for that one. This one really boils down to respect. When you are late to meet a friend - whether you've known them for a week or ten years - you are basically saying, hey... I just don't really value your time and think that it is okay to waste it. Reasons are unimportant and we all have them (good ones!). Don't make appointments you cannot keep and remember that a simple 30-second phone call as soon as you realize you will be late is greatly appreciated.

4. You purchase 27 items at the express lane
I get it... question authority, rage against the machine, down with the man! All very valid arguments (not), but can you please do so after I pay for this single half gallon of milk? Respect, remember?

5. You love stuff and always want more
I had a friend tell me the other day that he would like to live like a snail - carrying all he needs on his back. I really love that visual! Stuff is transient. We'll always want bigger, better, faster, the latest model of everything. For what? That quick, momentary pleasure and possible ego stroke? It's so fleeting and useless... Aspire for experiences instead. Travel and learn and never sit in a crowded room thinking you'd like to do all of that but... what do I do with all my stuff? Live simply.

6. You are unequivocally, comfortably, (and tragically) NOT curious
Question the meaning of everything and gain a thirst for knowledge. There are people out there who are fully opposed to the way you think, and they in fact live wonderful, harmonious, incredibly great lives! Go figure, eh? Learn their ideas and be able to argue reasonably, respectfully, and coherently. Travel and experience culture. Eat something you never thought you would. Sit quietly on a mountain and think and think and think some more until you actually hear what the breeze is saying... (you're just going to have to trust me on that one!). Read and become an expert on something. Anything! This is how we grow, this is how we create, this is what drives our existence forward. Complacency and indifference have a place within us, but don't let them be the guiding force in your life. Explore!

Pics via vi.sualize.com

Invincible

2012-01-18T21:26:00.003-05:00

"Well Cindy, since for whatever reason I just can't figure you out, I'm going to tell you my secrets...."

Didn't I tell you in my last post that human nature never ceases to amaze me? He seemed so "normal" and was so charming! Reminded me of Dexter... you know, the mass murdering psychopath from the HBO series?

I met him on a late weekend outing in Santiago last month. I had taken the subway to meet my cousins out for a drink - warm vodka with gingerale. The water in South America is my kryptonite. We ended up at a nightclub on the main city avenue. We had been there once before and had a great time so why not tonight? I'm only here for a weeks so we might as well enjoy every minute.

I noticed this one guy wanting to say hello and trying to get close. Eventually he spoke to my cousin who naively came over and introduced him to me. He was cute... average looking, but nice and awfully witty. That combo always gets me. He was 28 and for all practical purposes so was I! The usual flirty questions were asked, we danced and laughed and I kept trying to dodge his attempts to lock lips although I kinda wanted to...

As the night turned to dawn, I realized he really, really just wanted a fling. Being on vacation in a strange city on a random night, I admit it wasn't out of the question, but there was something not quite right about this guy. When he realized the deal was just not going to be sealed, we went and got something to eat (almost in defeat!) - full, 5-star restaurant open at 6AM... go figure.

Then I got the lowdown on how he lies his way into anyone's bed and how he "preps" them from the moment he says "hola..." I got 3 very distinct "prepping moves" meant to sucker you into a make-believe world and personality that never existed. I was baffled, a little nervous, but too curious to stop now. Then I was told exactly how each kind of woman is "worked" - the single mom, the divorcee, the lonely office girl, the traveler and on and on.......

I wanted to run out of there and couldn't! It was so incredibly surreal. I'll never forget the look on his face when he told me that "the secret to it all is to never, EVER, give a sh*t about anyone's feelings." He smiled and I saw exactly why his mother used to tell him he was brightness on the outside and pure darkness within. I think for a second I saw and felt him to the core....

I wasn't completely immune to the game... I wanted to believe him I really did! It was all so sweet and exhilarating! The music, the drinks, the people... Although I preach that everyone is guilty until proven innocent... *sigh* Nothing like the anonymity of a strange city to make you feel invincible.

Pics via vi.sualize.us

Balance

2012-01-13T19:05:00.000-05:00

I ache for balance.

After spending a month in Chile I realize that I’m a certifiable extremist. It’s like shades of gray escape me. Alas! Nothing like a long vacation to reflect on life, love, and how awful Hugh Laurie sounds dubbed in Spanish. Awful…!

I tend to either write write write or write nothing at all. Eat the same avocado/tomato sandwich for weeks until the thought of another veggie makes me want to burn down the crops. I either date date date or practically join a monastery or stay home with my books and my stories. I wear the same shoes over and over although I have more pairs than my bank account can handle. And I’ve sincerely come to the conclusion that none of these shenanigans do anyone any good.

This year I strive for balance.

I’m finishing up my masters in English Literature in a few months… can’t even believe it myself. I’m looking into PhD programs all over the country and wondering if I can actually do this. And I’m still teaching college writing and I STILL love it. Yes yes yes I do and hopefully it’ll stay that way.

My last trip back home was emotional… meant to reconnect, reflect, and maybe even apologize. This time around it was exciting and in its own twisted way somehow enlightening. I’ll be telling you bits and pieces. Human nature never ceases to amaze me.

Balance…starting right now.

Work, schedules, books, ideas, lessons all week… come the weekend... let the warm Miami nights tell my story... Cheers!

Transformations

2011-07-29T17:31:00.003-04:00

I'm teaching my own college writing class.

Me.

Teaching.

My own class.

Is it becuz I right good? Or beecause eye talk fine? it most be because i spel gr8 and has good grammer.

Otherwise, who'd trust me with a class of 18-year-olds fresh out of high school, one college senior, and a husband and wife team with two older children looking to better their chances in life with a college degree?

There's the fab four team sitting up front to my left who come to class after playing soccer for two hours every morning. They're all from out of state and they all confessed to being terrible writers. They're not allowed to say that aloud again. There's Carlos in the back who's a brilliant thinker and a conspiracy theorist. Carlos writes incredible papers and cannot seem to grasp the concept of passive vs. active voice. Then there's R & R - a pair of twins who crack jokes all morning but do all their work and haven't missed a day yet. There's Liz who is very shy, with a very thick accent, but so passionate that when she speaks, it's like the world stops to listen. She cried telling us about The Dream Act and why it should be a law. Then there's Patty and Luis who work at the university and are trying really hard to pass so they can get refunded for tuition. I'm pretty sure Patty writers her husband's essays. And then there's Santiago who likes to kiss up to me and knows very well that flattery will take him EVERYWHERE.

I see them Monday through Thursday at 9:30 AM. I like them all. Even the serious girl in the back who one time sat through the class with earphones on possibly not all that interested in what I had to say. I broke through to Harrington lately. He was very quiet up until we had the most exciting discussion about California bringing gay history into the classroom. He had plenty to say about that.

I tell them to follow their bliss on a daily basis. I stop them when they stumble through an answer and fill it with "whatever" and "basically" and "like, you know's". In my class you speak with CONVICTION.

Eduardo didn't make it to class yesterday, but he sent me an email with a complete analysis of the NPR article I had them read for homework. Why is playing Wagner's music in Israel a complicated issue? What's the assumption? Should a brilliant artist's personal beliefs be taken into consideration when judging his work?

At the end of the day, how important is good grammar when you can't think your way through an argument or see blatant fallacies and bad deductions. Maybe you have a bad case of circular reasoning like, "Smoking is injurious to your health, so you shouldn't smoke because it's bad for your body." Yes, you said that already - thank you Captain Obvious.

Or maybe you're so afraid of putting thoughts to paper because the result might just be... well... a bit too honest and a bit too scary...

Last night while working a late night event and making more money in two hours than I do teaching all week, Brooke - a bartender at a fancy lounge in Fort Lauderdale asked me if I did other kinds of work. I told her I was a teacher.

And for the first time I actually believed it.

[pics via vi.sualize.us]

insatiable... or something like it.

2011-07-22T18:01:00.002-04:00

I feel disconnected from my writing and my words. I haven’t quite felt very “useful” in that sense in a while. Is it that I’m missing the quintessential knife in my back or a broken heart or that insatiable sadness that seems to inevitably permeate an artist of any kind as they bleed out some kind masterpiece?

(Insatiable is such a good word, isn’t it? It’s raw and somehow sensual with a fleeting dash of sweet, benign violence....)

So how damaged do you have to be to create something meaningful? History is fairly reliable and people like Darwin, Van Gogh, and Woolf were manic depressive, delusional, and split into several personalities with a touch of bipolar disorder here and there. How likely would they have been to spend their lives outlining a rather useful theory of survival of the fittest while creating a dark, patchy sky with thick, thick stars, and planning a party all in one day… what a lark indeed!

How can we tap into that heart-wrenching flow of ingenuity without being confined to a virtual straight jacket?

Of course, the idea of “meaningful” is highly abstract and subjective, and who is to say that Mrs. Dalloway’s party was of any use to anyone else other than the literature buff who enjoys endless paragraphs and convoluted stream of consciousness.

But the question still stands, can we write from the heart when we barely remember is even there?

Maybe that’s why I’m so disconnected from my words. I’ve forgotten how to create for creation’s sake. I’m a reactive writer instead of a proactive writer and I no longer write to discover. If language really flows like wine on lips, why is it so hard sometimes to pour yourself a fancy glass?

[pics via vi.sualize.us]

3 lame thoughts on this lame day

2011-06-02T22:10:00.002-04:00

Going to the DMV is going to suck no matter how many appointments you made, how on time you made it there, and how prepared you are. Remember this promising thought --> It's going to suck. The big one. No matter what.

When you pay good money to get your car detailed, make sure they open the trunk and clean out your junk. Yes, the junk in your trunk. Ha ha. I'm not amused.

Smacking your 3-yr-old across the face in front of me will create an uncomfortable situation... for you. It's going to be bad... bad... bad.

HOWEVER... There's this:

Kierkegaard.

My roommate's big, fat cat.

What a life, eh?! ;-P

memories and shoe repair

2011-06-01T23:17:00.002-04:00

Today I went to the shoe repair place in my neighborhood because my favorite pair of summery heels needed emergency surgery. Have you been to a real shoe repair place lately? Last time I stepped in one I was about 7 years old, holding on to grandpa's hand and probably bored and pestering to go home.

I tell ya... not much has changed since the 80s! The big, wooden front desk where you place your ailing shoes while hoping desperately there's some way to salvage your purchase is intact. The weird machines that sound like a dentist's drill on steroids are still loud and dirty. The sad, old shoes all over the the counter haven't moved at all, and the shoe-lace rack is still collecting dust in the corner.

But the smell... that incomparable smell of melted neoprene coupled with worn leather whisked me right back home to Chile . Every breath reminded me of grandpa's work room where I would sit and watch him move around hoping desperately he'd give me a useful chore to do. But i only wanteonly if it would really help and not because I was a kid! I hated to be given busy work. Ha! I just remembered that.

Apparently memories triggered involuntarily by one of our senses were first mentioned by the French writer Marcel Proust. This has now become common knowledge and we are all very aware that certain sights, tastes, and particular smells can flood our psyche with at times uninvited thoughts and memories.

This was a good one for me. I'm looking forward to more shoes needing CPR soon.

that pesky idea of happiness

2011-06-01T00:41:00.005-04:00

I've never felt so free. I've had these pesky goals for so long and I've worked so hard to achieve so much in search of some elusive idea of happiness that seems to always float right ahead of me, but never fully within my reach. Someone said it was like trying to grab a hold of gas with your hands - it always slips through your fingers no matter how hard you try.

What does it mean... really... to BE truly, impeccably happy?

Damned if I know!

And yet I'm not sitting here bleeding all out or wishing things were different or better. In fact, I'm quite content and I think I've figured out a secret... I have zero expectations on anything. The most tortured people I know are the ones that have taken the time to arduously develop a timeline for their existence--> Masters degree by 23, marriage by 26, children by 31, trip to Europe by 35, successful business by 42, boat by 45, early retirement by 50, and you get the idea... Was it by instinct that I never, ever thought this way? Who knows, but I tell you what, life is incredibly sweet when you just go along with what seems to come your way because things WILL just come your way no matter how many handy dandy checklists you walk around with...

I have this incredible sense of peace and I've come to realize that I enjoy living what some may think of as an "unconventional" existence. I don't have the 9-to-5 nor do I have plans of getting one; I don't have too many "things" and have decided I don't want them. Sometimes I have health insurance... most of the time I don't. I live a simple life and so money is just a tool for survival (you have no idea how amazing that feels). I'm in my early thirties, unmarried and childless (GASP!) and usually dateless because tall, handsome, and curiously intelligent men have failed to spawn around here nor grow on trees in my neighborhood. I work late nights, I sleep in on Mondays, I'll travel anywhere on my own because I crave that feeling of anonymity in a strange city, and I'm thinking about adding red streaks to my hair. Bright red.

So let's see...I've been a personal assistant, a writer, a waitress, a copy editor, a medical editor, a bartender, a skinny and hungry South Beach model-wanna-be, a teacher, a store clerk, a marketing manager, a whisky brand ambassador, a telemarketer, a real estate market analyst, a fitness drink sales person, and recently a business owner and grad student. I don't think I've ever written all that out before... awesome. Today I am a graduate student of English Literature, I teach college writing as part of my scholarship, and I work late nights in random bars promoting something or other while running Sharkkbait Entertainment Group with my roommate on what seems to be very little spare time (except for now that it's summer when time abounds and so do lazy days on my couch watching way too many episodes of The Mentalist and Criminal Minds).

I consider myself professionally successful with a mountain of experience while others might think I should be studied or be thoroughly medicated for whatever cures this complete inability to settle for anything less than breathtakingly amazing. Should I just pick one path and stick with it? Too bad I know know what happens to those that stick with it because they "should." VANILLA! And you know how I feel about vanilla...

Happiness seems to be like that latest fancy gadget you've always wanted. Unfortunately as soon as you spend your hard-earned money to buy it something better, bigger, and fancier is available, and you're left feeling like you're missing out somehow... cheated.

And so we come full circle back to expectations... I've decided to plan for the immediate future but live for right now. Try everything and take big risks. Love family, friends, and late nights where anything can happen. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed for anyone and yet the possibilites are endless!

Happiness for me seems to float around peace, growth, love, and adventure. I've got it all now... hopefully it won't slip right through my fingers any time soon. It shouldn't, since I'm always in control of my own reaction to anything, right? Theoretically no one and nothing can affect me adversely unless I let it... THEORETICALLY. There's one HELL of a project for all of us!

But you can start by figuring this out: if nothing changed in your life (generally speaking) and things stayed just the way they are now for the rest of your days, would you be happy?

If yes --> Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

If no --> FIX IT AND GET TO GETTIN' IMMEDIATELY

Carpe Diem!!!

[Pics via vi.sualize.us]

you look great... for a whore.

2011-05-29T16:52:00.012-04:00

That's what my friend Brian said to me the other day. We have a strange and wonderful relationship... he's strange and I'm wonderful. You see, I was on my way out to peddle the latest flavor of fancy vodka and my outfit was well...rather scandalous.

I realize that I vacillate between "ohmygodshootmeI'minmy30'swearingthisdressandpouringdrinks" to "Hey there sexy thang! I'm in my 30's wearing THIS... Yeah!" I favor the latter, but I go back and forth. It's incredibly good money and I might as well milk it all because I won't be able to compete with the youngsters for much longer.

On that depressing note, last night my friend Amy who was working a booze promo with me got spit on by a drunk, had a case of Coronas fall and spill all over her legs, and I had a drink splatter all over my dress and on my face. Ah yes, all in one night of promo gigs. Sweeeeet. Memorial Day Weekend in South Florida is dreadful, by the way, stay home and make it a Netflix weekend.

Then I remembered that I'm now one year away from my masters in literature, that I'll be teaching this summer term at school, that I've written some incredibly dull academic papers but have gotten incredibly good grades on them, and that it's okay to not put any expectations on what I do, and that it's okay to serve you a drink happily and have a good time doing it after spending the entire day at the library figuring out how to tackle Djuna Barnes who by the way blows my mind with every sentence that much like this one, can go on forever bleeding out with every twist and turn and wow......... I realize that drifting with the current is wonderful and I'm embracing all of these experiences and following my bliss in whatever way it presents itself nowadays.

My dad says I have ants in my pants... that I can't stay still and just do one thing at a time. So Sharkkbait Entertainment Group is up and running now! My BFF Brian and I have joined forces to make it happen - event production and promotions. We'll be in New York in a week landing new business. I'm excited!

Sharkkbait Entertainment Group

Promote Your Page TooI want to write. I love doing it. I want to create. I love doing that too. I want to learn. I absolutely just crave it. I want to teach. I realize I do that - no matter where I am and it's beautiful. It's just beautiful. My friend Dani told me that blogs are meant to pour your heart out on and I agree... I haven't felt like doing so lately and so I've stayed away. But words build up inside and thoughts linger and here I am... always true, always hoping to connect and always wondering what next....

Does it matter? I've decided to just drift....

It's wonderful.

She was nervous about the future; it made her indelicate. She was one of the most unimportantly wicked women of her time--because she could not let her time alone, and yet could never be a part of it. She wanted to be the reason for everything and so was the cause of nothing. - Djuna Barnes, "Nightwood"(pg. 74).

honesty and ass kicking - awesome video

2011-03-20T15:10:00.006-04:00

I'm less than inspired to write from the heart lately... mostly from exhaustion and the odd ability of the day to fly by when I need double the hours to finish it all. But once in a while someone shines a little light to remind me why it's all going to be okay. Watch this...

keep it simple...

2011-01-09T14:35:00.018-05:00

...said a friend to me this weekend.

People don't want to be put on the spot with questions about life and goals and anything deep for that matter when you're out for the first time.

Then what do we talk about? The latest Snooki bust on Jersey Shore?

I don't date much because I never quite meet anyone I would like to spend more than a fleeting moment with let alone a two-hour meal where I'll be hoping to God you don't order dessert so I can run away never to be found.

It's not about invading your psyche and wanting to figure you out instantly - that would just be boring. It's about curiosity - yours AND mine. Goals, purpose, meaning AND significance, hobbies, family, friends... these are things I speak about ALL the time with my loved ones. These are subjects we ponder on CONTINUOUSLY. The idea of settling, of pursuing dreams, of giving up EVERYTHING to follow that bliss... these aren't passing topics...

...this is how I FUNCTION.

Then you're just looking for a serious intellectual. You're searching for perfection.

No...

Not in the least.

I'm not searching for anyone.

I'm hoping for a indescribable, unrepeatable feeling and connection. Someone in aggressive pursuit of happiness, dreams, love, friendships, and goodness. Nothing short of that will do.

pic via vi.sualize.us

to not go on...

2011-01-04T15:59:00.004-05:00

... but to begin again.

Elie Wiesel ends The Time of the Uprooted on that thought. He ends a very touching story on the idea that to just "go on" is not enough. Sometimes carrying the load of the past, of what could've would've should've is futile and rather useless. Easier said than done, I reckon, but what if... what if we just decided to being again... all new... like you just walked in to class and the teacher said, "everyone starts with an A"

Go on how? Speaking for fear of silence, loving for fear of solitude, or exile, or death; go on stumbling and recovering? Go on knocking on doors that open too soon or too late? Was that what life was about? A matter of trudging on the long, hard road, and acting as guides to those who follow us? ... Correction... Go on is not the right choice of words. I believe there are better ones.

How long will you be a victim of circumstance? How much longer will you live reactively - speaking when prompted, loving when scared, and moving when pushed? Sure, our experiences shape us and teach us lessons along the way, but who we are is only up to us. No one can make you feel anything you don't want to feel and that gives us the incredible choice to just be happy! The choice to be good, to open the door for people without expecting a "thank you"; to let the person with a gallon of milk go ahead of you at the grocery store, to smile and say hi to a random stranger, and to internalize the idea that life isn't just about work and bills and a never-ending string of responsibilities that from a higher level seem so silly....

We are only disappointed when we expect a certain outcome. I'll be disappointed if I don't get As in all my classes and I'll be pretty crushed if I don't get to see grandma in the summer. So we try and live for today; to shoot for the sky and know that no matter what we'll land among stars. Because much like a good friend, the universe doesn't always give you what you want, but will always provide what you need. Try and swim against that and see how far you get. Trust me when I tell you, that rip current will spin you round and round and next thing you know you're right back where you started or way behind.

To begin again... that's going to be my resolution every new year. To leave my failures and expectations behind and to create new opportunities along the way. To not knock on doors too early or too late, but when I'm ready for what's on the other side. To love not because I fear solitude, but because it is in me to give, and to guide not just those who follow me, but even more those who reject me.

So we all start with an A+. I give you full tabula rasa privileges to NEVER just go on stumbling and recovering... Today and every day, you are reborn and you being anew.

Now isn't that just amazing?

spinsterhood

2010-12-23T17:12:00.007-05:00

I kid you not, I just figured this out --> I'm INCREDIBLY shy.

I can teach, mingle, public speak like Clinton-in-conference, and when it comes to boys I completely shut down and pull my head riiiight back into my ninja turtle shell. I'm the girl that'll look away and walk away and completely ignore the cute boy in the room. I'll go utterly and obviously out of my way to stay out of his way and do everything in my power to not be noticed while secretly wishing he notices these mighty incredible feats and thinks... hhhmm... she's doing this because she likes me! I will go and ask for her hand in marriage.

As if...!

I went from attention hog, life of the party, friend to all, dancing on bars, working the nightlife and flirting the night away with a glass of cheap vodka; to growing up, shedding the fake image and settling into... well... into me. And it turns out, lo and behold, that I'm actually rather introverted.

After years of "recovery" from that old self, my flirting skills are fairly dusty, to say the least, and my jokes revolve around comma usage and abusage in freshmen writing courses. I've spent so long concentrating on me, on my work, and now my studies that I think I've satisfactorily dulled myself down to semi-amusing doorknob status. The spotlight, unless it's necessary for work/school, is not where I want to be.

So hhhmmm... is what I call reserved and introverted actually more like awkward and boring? Have I - and God help me if this is the case - got NO GAME?!

Oh well... you win, Spinsterhood! But in the words of Walt Whitman, I might as well celebrate myself and just as well sing myself!

Suck on that.

end of first semester check-in: i'm alive! (barely)

2010-12-22T16:43:00.005-05:00

I'm always apprehensive to come back to my little bloggie after staying away for a while. I feel like I'm not worthy of my own page somehow. Taking this time off writing was not a planned move but more of a desperate way to add a few extra minutes to my chaotic days of reading, writing, teaching, grading, and working a gig here and there. I've learned quite a few lessons a long the way, one of which will be corrected immediately...

...or maybe tomorrow...

Just kidding! I cannot afford to procrastinate any longer and MUST learn to manage my time accordingly. Doing later what can be done now sounds so much sweeter in so many ways, but it almost killed me during the last couple of weeks of class. LITERALLY.

I'm recovering from some serious stress-induced stomach issue/virus/poisoning or whatever you'd like to call it. A couple of days after a severely complicated last week of class I fell terribly ill. For a week I ate nothing but chicken soup and crackers. My BFF Brian came over with a few bags of IV and meds (he's a paramedic) which saved me from inevitable dehydration and my other BFF showed up with chicken soup the next day. Phil also helped me out and so did my little sister with some Pedialyte... yes, gross, but oh so helpful. And all of that hassle because deadlines did not just creep up on me - they hit me over the head and ran away like a bully in the playground.

On a positive note - I did lose 6 lbs. in the process so although I felt like the pits, I now look fabulous. Might as well look at the bright side of things! Ginger bread lattes and scrumptious chocolate croissants while studying at the library did my butt NO favors. NONE I tell ya...

Speaking of the bright side, first semester of graduate school went very well! I got As and one B+. The latter coming from my pedagogy professor who got that grade not my teaching skills but from a very honest essay I had to write about another teacher's teaching methods... does that make sense? It didn't make sense to me either. Apparently the fact that I helped kids outside of class on my own time every week and gave them grammar and style lessons out of the kindness of my heart has zero to do with anything. Maybe I shouldn't have told my pedagogy professor that making us write a teaching philosophy at this stage of our careers was rather useless since we are all rookies trying to figure out the online grading system let alone develop an entire philosophical approach to teaching eighteen-year-olds that using "your" when they meant "you're" will get them tarred and feather upon exiting the classroom.

But I'm freaking thrilled! I got As in both of my literature courses which means the WORLD to me. It gave me a serious confidence boost that I unknowingly needed:) Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

Next semester I'll have 3 literature classes including Literary Theory which is as painful as it sounds. But hey, my genius has already been proven...

Ha! I made a funny.

In the mean time, I'm on vacay from school, trying to work a few gigs, and watching ALL episodes of Criminal Minds on my Tivo. I'd like to throw in Spencer Reed and Derek Morgan and maybe even a dash of Hotch into a blender and yuuuum....

...what a perfect smoothie:)

PS. Seriously, the ginger bread lattes at Starbucks are OUT. OF. THIS. WORLD.

Brokenhearted on Ways Parted

2010-11-22T13:33:00.000-05:00

The more I live, the more air I breathe, the more people I meet, the more I'm inevitably hopeless that a true lasting connection can be made with anyone. What stars, planets, spirits, energy need to align for that to happen? One of the most hopeful couples I ~~know~~ knew just parted ways... alas... what's left for the rest of us. They were in love Love LOVE and then... well... life got in the way. Things that from the outside in seem trivial and uncomplicated were irreparable once inside. Actions that could've would've should've been avoided seem childish from where I'm standing and yet to them they were unforgivable.

I'm sad. This isn't good for them or the collective - that's you and you and yes you too! Love is all we have and everything EVERYTHING else is a bonus... Hope and kindness and all the wonderful things we read about in poems from long ago. Love without getting tired... Mother Theresa was on point with that one and yet here we are: ExHAusTed.

Does this explain the odd funk I was in all weekend? The empty feeling in my stomach that set in without an end in sight? I told a friend how lonely I felt Friday and how incredibly sad I was on Saturday for reasons that are slightly more transparent now... It's no secret that I pick up on energy around me...

Vanity of all vanities... Love longed and lost.. Regrets... Anger... Failure. Was it all worth the momentary bliss? The risk? The slight, minuscule, minute possibility of a mystical otherworldly connection?

"I'm lonelier now than I was before." The silence is unbearable and yet the noise was regrettable. So how to keep going? No wait, how to begin again?

Fave Tweets!

2010-10-22T00:41:00.000-04:00

@SethMacFarlane

My cat would like to tweet the following: “F*ck you, bird. F*ck you right in the ear.”

@WomenOfHistory

Curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life. -Eleanor Roosevelt

@rainnwilson

The way a person pronounces 'hummus' pretty much tells me everything I need to know about them.

@ThisIsRobThomas

My only wish is to be as happy as people in viagra commercials.

@theyellowfactor @wineonlips

happy place. Haaaappppy place.

@bluntdelivery

there needs to be a "She's Just Not That Into You" book. actually, it should be a series. I'll get on that tomorrow.

@GaryJBusey (Not Gary Busey)

A Yankee hat is the crown for King of the Douches.

Signs The Internet Is Taking Over Our Lives

2010-10-03T14:16:00.000-04:00

So My Love Life's In The Toilet…

2010-09-29T17:43:00.000-04:00

I had someone point this out to me this morning. Pffff big deal… toilets are useful. We all love a nice toilet. They provide quite a good service and just think of the people around the world who would kill for one. And most of us have more than one which really makes you wonder if the global economy is as bad as they’d like us to believe. Some toilets even flush automatically although there are times they flush prematurely and other times they doesn’t flush at all which causes you to wonder what you need to do to manually flush and in all honestly by then I’m just annoyed and you might as well just give me a handle to push and let’s save ourselves all this unnecessary technologically-induced trouble.

So I ask, is it THAT bad of a place for my love life to reside?

Well….?

Exactly.

Last Week's Fave Tweets

2010-09-27T16:42:00.001-04:00

@PaulyPeligroso That Ed Hardy shirt you're wearing came out of the closet. Why don't you?

@WomenOfHistory Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those cards you hold well.

@thesulk Hey nerds, where the fuck's my flying car?

@tonyrobbins "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." E E Cummings

@thegardensgate Everything in the universe happens with reason and purpose, so live your life with reason and purpose...

@tonyrobbins "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." ~Steve Martin

@kellanlutz It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters. - Mother Teresa :) Let your LOVE flow.

Follow me! @wineonlips

Life as an Essay

2010-09-27T01:01:00.000-04:00

On a higher level, an essay can be broken down into (1)introduction, (2)body, and (1)conclusion - much like our lives into (1)childhood/adolescence, (2)twenties to sixties, and on to (3)the last decades of our existence. Each section having an inherent set of unique, self-generated rules and ideas and each section different from the other although connected by our theme… our story… our life.

DEVELOP A SOLID, CONCRETE THEME/THESIS

A good essay needs direction, a theme, and connectedness. It needs to have definition and purpose because without it, you’ll write random sentences with minimal coherence leading you and your audience absolutely nowhere.

Live with purpose and define where you want to go. Take the time to painstakingly figure out what you want to accomplish, how you’ll get there, and what your next steps will be. Failure to do this and to define your theme early in life will lead to frustration, aimlessness, and general dissatisfaction. Choose a good thesis, make it your passion, and take a giant leap of faith with the understanding that doors WILL open for those who follow their bliss. The universe conspires when you live the live you've imagined. You just need connectedness.

HAVE CONNECTEDNESS AND ENGAGE THE READER

Every sentence in your essay should have a purpose and should connect to your theme. Every thought should have direction and the tension should be engaging.

Wake up every day to accomplish that purpose. Everything you do should be meaningful and connected. Make these tangible goals like I did for last week – simple and doable. Then make sure these smaller goals fit into the bigger picture and take chances! Nothing great is ever accomplished without risk. Take that vacation that may lead to a life-changing encounter. Finish that book at the expense of your social life for a few months. Finally ask out the crush you’ve been small-talking by the water-cooler at the office. These are the details that make our story unique and memorable.

USE DETAILS AND MEMORY-SOAKED WORDS

A good narrative should have words and details that appeal to your audience on a personal level. Show your audience the smells, color, sights, feelings, and tastes with memory-soaked words and details. Show them by identifying the particulars in your story. Don’t just tell. Telling is boring… anyone can tell, but only a good narrator can SHOW.

Learn to identify those moments in your life that are priceless! A night with friends and a bottomless bottle of cheap wine; a family trip with funny pictures of everyone in silly hats; a perfect cup of coffee out on the porch on a perfect morning; or a great night with just you and a great book that changes your life in the most unexpected way.

COMMUNICATE THE SIGNIFICANCE OF YOUR EXPERIENCE

A good story is only memorable when the reader understands the before-and-after, the contrarieties being examined, and the lessons learned. Always remember to not only tell a vivid tale with great details, but also the reason why we should care. “So What?” is something that should always have an obvious answer.

Do YOU know the “So What?” of YOUR life? Why IS it relevant? How have you grown? And if you so, have you shared that knowledge? That's why we're here! To learn, to grow, to give away our wealth and knowledge because in the end, no matter how hard we try, we just can’t take any of it with us. Other than working for a paycheck to feed you and your loved ones, what have you done? Where are you going? And of course, so what?

CONCLUDE WITH LESSONS LEARNED AND AVOID GENERALIZATIONS

A good narrative should have a solid conclusion where events have come full circle and lessons have been learned or simply understood. You should allude and show how this has been accomplished rather than telling using generalizations or universal blanket statements such as “in life we all know that” or “society always has a way of”. These are empty sentences with generalizations that usually take away from the singularity and personal aspect of your writing.

Since we learn on a daily basis, our general conclusion will always be in flux. Plus, we never really know when our time to go will be so we might as well have a working conclusion of sorts always in our minds. But we have all learned lessons along the way and these should be documented in your mental file cabinet and these should be shared with all around you. As with the narrative conclusion, don’t develop overly-broad and “blanket” statements in your life. Always keep it personal and keep it simple. Make every action count! Remember: It’s not good to be industrious. What are you industrious about?

REMEMBER THE ETHOS, PATHOS, LOGOS

Such an important part of the writing AND living process. This deserves its own post so I’ll come back to it later.

PERSONAL END NOTE

One of the main concerns I’ve read in college freshmen narratives has been their aversion to red edits on their papers. They hate to see so many mistakes on something they’ve worked so hard on. As part of our pedagogy training we’re learning to give good “readerly” comments that not only highlight the obvious grammatical issue, but will clearly show them how to improve the higher order aspects of writing that I’ve discussed in this post.

This got me thinking...

I wonder how much red ink would be all over my life if it was all written down for a “higher” review of sorts. How many comments like, "this doesn't make sense" or "where's your theme" or "where are you going in this tangent" would I see on the margins? Good thing that just like my students, I have the crucial and monumentally important understanding that there’s always that improved, revised copy you can turn in for a higher grade. Oh and guess what? The due-date is flexible!

I’m working on mine right now... Are you?

Virtual Sage

2010-09-21T17:11:00.001-04:00

I decided to clean my house, open the windows, update my blog, and update MY LIFE. And isn't odd how updating once website feels like a life overhaul?

I've been SO incredibly bogged down with to-do's that I've lost completely track of what matters.

So............ENOUGH.

This week I will do the following:

Reconnect with Vanessa and Janet! Their Bollywood dance group is doing amazing things and I haven't even seen them perform yet.

www.mybollywoodstudio.com

Create a realistic class, gym, reading, working, writing, cleaning and cooking schedule that I can put on on my wall and SEE daily. I'm a visual learner and unless I have this map of sorts in front of me, I won't stop feeling anxious about my time.

Visit one of your pages daily. I haaaate falling behind on all the blogging gossip. On that note, you HAVE to visit Brian at THE GARDEN. He's my best friend in the entire world and an avid practitioner of walking walk and most certainly talking the talk...

I can't lose track of how amazing my life is! I'm right smack in the middle of all that I LOVE. The stories I read are wonderful... the people I'm learning from are tremendous... and the kids I'm helping are already here waiting to be inspired.

(To infinity... and beyoooond!)

Feel free to borrow my virtual sage and cleanse your page and your life. I sure benefited from it... How many of you need to clean house, eh?

The Garden's Gate

2010-09-20T00:31:00.001-04:00

I have news! Important news!!!

My BFF Brian's blog is up and running. If you've EVER thought anything I've said was remotely inspirational, you can rest assure Brian has helped me seen it.

Please visit THE GARDEN'S GATE, follow him, and welcome him to our blogging soiree! You might learn something along the way....

Cocorocooooooooooooo

2010-09-19T15:00:00.004-04:00

Let this video be a note of caution to you all... Drinking and singing can have DEVASTATING consequences...

...but what the hell, let's keep going

You think we have enough wine? The rest is out on the patio

Told ya...

We don't mess around...

*Gulp*

And then we danced all night

Some cuddled more than others (Dad and Martha)

One checked out early

And his brother followed


My drunken family is the best!

Happy Birthday!

2010-09-18T11:17:00.006-04:00

I'm so happy to have reconnected back with you! Thank you for the culture, the lessons and grandma's apple kuchen. I know I'm far away but I think of you often and cannot wait to see you again in a few months. On this important 18th of September - a day of celebration, laughter, family, food and wine - I wish you a very happy 200th year anniversary!!!

You're getting old and you've never look so good...

Santiago, Chile - May 2010

San Antonio, Chile - June 2010

Grandma's Kitchen - May 2010

Easter Islands, Chile

Here's to at least 200 more...

Salud!