Obesity: Winning by Losing

A Sigh of Satisfaction

2019-02-03T16:24:00.000-06:00

I found an article on the Fox News website a few days ago about a lady, a celebrity, who has lost about 60 pounds. In the article she shared that her niece had helped her learn how to eat mindfully, recognizing her body's 'full' signal, and then knowing its time to push her plate away and stop eating. This was interesting me because conscious/mindful eating has been the focus of my plan for losing weight.
An involuntary sigh is your body's indicator for fullness, she stated. Hmmmm. An involuntary sigh. I had never heard that before. However, after a little research, there are some articles about our bodies giving us the 'I'm full" signal by letting out a sigh of satisfaction. So I'm going to begin paying attention more to my body when I eat and see if that's true. A sigh of satisfaction.

Best Bloodwork Ever!

2019-01-22T20:27:00.000-06:00

I had my annual wellness visit with my doctor today. She was very pleased with the results of my bloodwork. My cholorestrol and triglyceride numbers were all low and my ldl number was high. Everything was well within normal ranges. My blood sugar levels and A1C was all great. This is the best bloodwork I have had in years! Eating like a thin person has benefits! More winning by losing!

Sharpen the Weight Loss Edge Once Again

2019-01-21T15:01:00.001-06:00

It has been a while since I posted to this blog. My last post was about my eating experience during my husband's health crisis. I was able to walk through that difficult time without the stress induced overeating that has been characteristic of my life. I am so thankful that I was able to emerge from that challenging experience maintaining my conscious eating dietary style.

Since that time, however, I lost some of my edge. I have not gained weight, but I haven't lost any either. I've stalled out at a certain weight and been there for about three months.

I've been thinking about why this may be and decided on one main reason.

Instead of 'eating only till I was full', I began putting on my plate the amount of food I thought I would need to eat. Then I would continue to eat till it was gone, letting that be my signal for ending my meal rather than the 'full feeling' signal that has been my guide for several months.

I lost sight of the main reason for my success with losing weight thus far. I took my eyes off the key requirement to conscious eating - paying attention to the full feeling that comes when I eat and letting that be my cue, my signal for ending my meal.

So I have resolved once again to 'sharpen my edge', and get back into the weight loss battle. One snack, one meal, one day at a time.

No Stress Eating Here....Not This Time!

2018-10-11T17:04:00.000-05:00

It has been a few weeks since I last posted. All is still going well with me, but my husband has been through some difficult and somewhat scary medical situations. He is fine now, well, almost fine. Soon he will be back up to speed and probably even better than before everything went awry.

A medical crisis for my husband meant a huge amount of stress for me. When I began this style of eating (conscious eating; stopping when I get full), I wondered if I would be able to maintain it during times of crisis, because historically I have been a huge stress eater. I would eat everything I could to deal with stress and emotion. The buzz phrase right now is "eating my feelings". Yep. That would be me. So, how would I handle conscious eating when my stress hormones and emotions are through the roof?

Well, good news. I had no problems, well, almost no problems, eating consciously during this time. I simply ate till I was full then stopped. The difficult time came between meals, because I would want to nibble even though I wasn't hungry. I remember one day when I went to the kitchen pantry, opened the door and stood there about to reach for 'nibbling' food. I had to say to myself in a rather firm mental voice, "Get out of the kitchen. You are not hungry!" Yep. And it worked. I left the kitchen and didn't return till it was time to prepare the next meal.

This is working for me. Every day. In every way. I plan to continue. Till next time, friends, Remember, if you are full, stop eating. Save the left overs for another meal, or throw them in the trash!

Shopping In My Own Closet - A Big Win

2018-09-21T16:52:00.002-05:00

It was pure fun. It had been years since I had even thought about trying on those clothes. You know which ones. The ones gathering dust in my closet because they have been too small. Too tight to button, zip, pull up, or pull over. You might have some of those types of clothes also. I have called them my "hope so" clothes, but a year ago I began to think of them as my "probably not" clothes. Now they are my "more than likely" clothes. Some of them are currently my "hip! hip! hooray! They fit!" clothes.

Trying them on was loads of fun. Especially making trip after trip to the room where my husband was sitting to model yet another outfit that once again fits great and is to be moved into my current wardrobe.

Yea! Another win that I am enjoying because I have lost.

It All Worked Out Just Fine

2018-09-16T21:05:00.002-05:00

So today my husband and I went to an Italian restaurant after church. This restaurant serves absolutely delicious meals. We decided to order a pizza - meat lovers with black olives and mushrooms. Yum.

While we were waiting, our server brought us some soft, warm, to-die-for, garlic bread. Two servings of them. Oh my. I knew if I ate the bread, I would not be hungry for pizza, and I really, really wanted to enjoy eating the pizza.

What to do? What to do? I knew if I took that first bite of the bread, there would no stopping until I had eaten the whole thing. Well, I did it. I took one bite and then another and another. I nibbled till it was gone. Yep. I did. That first bite.......was at the same time too many and not enough.

When the pizza came, I honestly didn’t know how much I would be able to eat. It looked and smelled wonderful. I chose the smallest slice of pizza on the tray, and started eating. Oh my, the flavor did not disappoint. It was great. Oh, man. After a few bites, I realized that I was already getting full. I ate about three quarters of my slice and moved my plate to the end of the table.

We asked for a ‘to go’ box, and as soon as my husband finished eating, we put the left over pizza in it. Enough pizza for at least two meals.

Yeah! Victory! I ate my bread and some pizza too, without the guilt feelings of overeating.

Just Throw It Away

2018-09-07T16:38:00.000-05:00

I was raised with the 'starving children in China'. Can anyone else relate? Were you made to feel ashamed if you didn't eat everything on your plate? Oh my. If you didn't "clean your plate", then your leftovers will have to be tossed into the trashcan, thereby, causing some child in China to be denied food. Yes. That was me. My wonderful well meaning grandfather that I love dearly was the one who guilted me into eating and eating until my plate was empty and my stomach was too full.

It's understandable, and I don't fault him for it at all. He was a raised in a very poor household, and he was a young father during the depression, trying to care for a wife and small child. Wasting food, or anything for that matter was considered sinful. He managed to bestow that same value (for better or worse) on his oldest granddaughter (me).

Therefore, when I go to a restaurant, because I know that I will not be able to eat all of the food I order, I tend to order only things that I can easily carry home to save for later. For example, I don't order sandwiches because I know that if I have to take part of it home for a later meal, the bread on a sandwich will get soggy. Yuck.

What naturally thin people know is that the starving children in China are not nourished by our leftovers, and throwing away food is not a sin. They can just do it and attach no emotion whatsoever. They Just Throw It Away.

Those Restaurants.......

2018-08-29T21:51:00.002-05:00

So my son and I had a conversation a few days ago about ‘conscious eating’ as a way to loose weight. This style of eating has helped me lose more than thirty pounds. I’m more than pleased with these results, and will never (yes, I know that ‘never’ is a word you should never use, but I’m using it because I feel strongly about this) eat impulsively again.

Back to the conversation.......He mentioned those restaurants. You know, the ones that bring you chips and salsa or a mini loaf of bread and butter, or mouth watering garlic cheese rolls before your meal. You’ve already ordered your meal, and then they immediately bring you something that’s sure to destroy whatever good intentions you had of eating only till you’re full. It’s not at all fair.

My husband and I were at one of those restaurants last week. We were celebrating my birthday. I could have splurged, because, you know, we were celebrating. But I chose not to. When they brought that freshly baked loaf and butter to our table, I chose to only eat a tiny slice, and then wait for my meal, because I wanted to enjoy my steak and baked potato, which was more important to me than filling up on bread. I was happy with my choice. That steak was great.

Anyway, back to the topic. Choices have to be made. Priorities must be decided and set. We can’t eat it all, and then expect to look like one of those naturally slender people. Most of the time they don’t eat it all either. How does a thin person handle this kind of situation? Most likely they will eat a few chips or a small amount of bread, to save room for their meal.

But but but what if those garlicy, cheesey rolls just keep ‘calling your name’ while you’re waiting for your food, and you can’t, can’t stop eating them? You know what? If that happens, it’s ok! If you eat too many of those ‘to die for’ rolls, and you’re not hungry when the meal arrives, it’s ok! Just ask for a carry out box and know that your meal will taste great later!

It’s all ok! This is all about enjoying the food that we want, but doing so in a way that will help us become one of those ‘naturally thin’ people.

30 Pounds! 30 Pounds! I’ve Lost 30 Pounds!

2018-08-17T21:01:00.000-05:00

Yes! Yes! Yes!!! It does feel good to know that my efforts at every meal are paying off. To see the number on the scales go down slowly, but steadily, is very rewarding. I seem to be losing about five pounds a month. Yes, that is a slow rate compared to many other diets, but I’m fine with it. My body has a chance to adjust to the changes that are a result of being a smaller (ok, less heavy) weight. My blood pressure is gradually getting better, my diabetes is more controlled, and my knees don’t hurt as much, to name just a few of the changes. A rapid weight loss would not allow for those gradual adjustments.

Anyway, I’m happy. Very happy.

Big plate vs. Small Plate

2018-08-13T15:30:00.000-05:00

I have read many articles/books over the years on the topic of weight loss. Some were technical, almost scientific in the presentation of its information. Others were more relaxed and informal in style and syntax. Most contained, in addition to whatever diet plan it was sharing, tips, hacks, if you will, about how to make dieting seem easier.

One of the tips/hacks often mentioned is to use small plates and bowls when eating. Smaller dishes give the impression that the portions of food on them appear larger than they would on larger dishes. That way you will believe that you’re eating more food than you actually are.

And that is fine unless you are at a church dinner, for example, where only large plates are available. If you are not supplying your own small dishes, then you are staring at a large plate with a small amount of food on it.

I have though about this dilemma several times and come to this conclusion. I will always use regular sizes, not small, plates and bowls for my personal dining on a daily basis. There is no point in coddling/deceiving myself into thinking that I have larger portions on my plate than I do. I have gotten used to looking at small portions on a regular sized plate and in a regular sized bowl, and it no longer bothers me. I can finish my ‘tiny’ portions, and if I’m full, then my meal is over.

I encourage each of us, to be strong. Look at things as they are. It is not necessary to make ourselves feel better by looking at small dishes with small portions on them. Come on. We can handle this. Let’s just do it.

The New Rule Is........

2018-08-06T16:29:00.000-05:00

That was one of my ways of letting my children know that something needed to change as they were growing up. I would say, "The new rule is...." and I immediately had their attention. Most of the time whatever needed to change got changed once I made that declaration.

So now I continue to use that phrase with myself (not my husband) when a change needs to be made, and most of the time, I have my immediate attention and whatever needs to be changed gets changed. Well, not always, you understand, but most of the time.

So to myself and my readers, here is the new rule.......whenever you lose weight......don't allow yourself to gain it back. Period. No reason for overeating is good enough to make you once again face the battle you have just fought.

My desire is to fight this battle, to walk this path, to win this war for the last time. Never again do I want to have to get out my 'fat' clothes and wear them. Never again do I want to wonder if I'm crowding the poor soul sitting next to me on an airplane. Never again do I want to feel self conscious in a group picture because I'm the heaviest one there. No way. No how, Once I reach my goal (and I have a loooonnnnng way to go) I'm not going back.

Instead I want to look forward to all the things I will have won by losing all this weight. I think I will write a few posts about some of the things we can look forward to winning when we have lost our extra weight.

A Defining Moment

2018-07-31T13:36:00.000-05:00

Wonderful family event. Wonderful family celebration. Wonderful food. Wonderful times in life. However, these wonderful moments are major challenges for people who are emotional over eaters like me. There was stress and emotion involved with the preparation phase of this family event which also added to the mix of eating temptations.
I did not blow my new style of eating out of the water one time during this momentous occasion, but there were a few extra bites here and there that compromised my dieting standards somewhat. A few bites of cake and wonderful homemade Brazilian candy. Oh, it was delicious.
The good news is that I know I can keep my diet reasonably intact during good times, those special moments. As life goes back to normal after this, in many ways, defining occasion, I have more confidence in my ability to not completely lose control, to stay the course, and to keep on winning by losing.

25 Pounds! 25 Pounds! I’ve Lost 25 Pounds!

2018-07-14T07:16:00.000-05:00

Yep! Another milestone reached! I’m so excited! It’s been just over a month since I reached my 20 pound loss, 36 days to be exact. About 1 pound/week. That’s ok with me Because I am now in the senior citizen category, I don’t need this weight loss to be quick. I want my body to have time to adjust to the changes as my weight goes down. My blood pressure is improving already. In a few days I’ll have regular blood work done and I’ll let you know if my numbers (cholesterol, triglycerides, A1C, etc) are better.

For today, I’m going to bask in the glory of another milestone reached, and go shopping for clothes. In a smaller size, of course! I love winning when I have lost!

The Challenges and Rewards Continue.....

2018-07-07T09:44:00.000-05:00

My husband and I went out to eat last night. We don't eat out often, so this was a real treat for us. We went to an Italian restaurant; a place we had never been. The food was delicious. I ordered veal toscana, which is veal with vegetables smothered in an unbelievably delicious sauce over angel hair spaghetti. The portion size was quite large. Our meal also came with yummy, yummy, yummy garlic yeast rolls. Oh my. What's a girl to do? So much wonderful food. So little room in my tummy.

I decided to eat slowly, enjoying every bite. It didn't take long. I began to feel full after having eaten only about a quarter of my meal. Everything within me wanted to keep eating, and truthfully, I did take four or five bites too much, before I was able to 'wrestle' my desires to eat anyway to the ground and ask for a carry out container.

I had to make myself think about the fact that this succulent meal will taste just a good for lunch today as it did last night. In fact, it will taste better because I won't be full while I'm eating it. There is enough food left from me to have about 3 more meals. Yum!!!!

Mental gymnastics. That's it. It's all about how I allow things food related to be framed in my mind. I think this is one of the major components to food control in our lives. Anyway I made it through another challenging moment and have delicious leftovers today as a reward!

Beware the Cloaked Torpedo

2018-07-02T21:01:00.000-05:00

Today my son and I were texting. He mentioned something about losing weight then not rewarding yourself by eating a hamburger or a pizza. Your reward, he said, is the number on the scales and how you feel.

Rewarding ourselves with “cheater” foods is nothing more than a cloaked torpedo that will destroy our momentum and best intentions within minutes and bites. Whatever good we have done for ourselves is doomed to sink to the bottom of the ocean of best intentions we sail on daily. Beware the cloaked torpedo.

Another Win Because I Have Lost

2018-06-27T15:58:00.000-05:00

Today I wore a pair of capri pants that I had not worn in a couple of years. I put them on and not only did they look good, but they felt good as well. Now that's another win!

No One. Not One Single Person Has Noticed That I Have Lost Weight!

2018-06-25T12:25:00.000-05:00

That's right. I'm almost 23 pounds down now and no one has commented on my weight loss, well, except my wonderful husband. He's been great. However, you'd think that someone else might notice! Is anyone with me on this? Are you having the same experience/frustration?

The truth is though that I'm not frustrated about it. I'm aware of it, of course, but not upset or even surprised.

First of all, people are involved in their own lives. Yes, that makes us sound very self centered and self focused, and it's true. We're not always quickly aware of changes in the lives of our friends and even family, unless those changes are very noticeable or significant, which brings me to my second point.

Secondly, the more weight you have to lose, the more more you have to lose before it become noticeable to other people. Yes, I wrote that right. Because I my current weight loss only lost about a third of my goal, it is not great enough right now for friends and family to notice.

Thirdly, That's really ok. I have decided to not let it bother me, because I know that one day my weight loss will be obvious enough that everyone who knows me, because I'll look great. You see, the truth is that every five pounds of weight loss will show more that the five pounds before it. So I'm just weighting (waiting). In the meantime. I'm feeling better and enjoying wearing clothes that I knew were too tight just a couple of weeks ago.

So take heart, my fellow weight loss travelers. Our affirmation does not ultimately come from others anyway. It comes from within ourselves, because we know, we know, we know that we are on the right path and our rewards are personal. No one else is responsible for them. Let's keep on traveling!

The Weight Loss Continues

2018-06-20T17:23:00.001-05:00

Life is a series of 'ups' and 'downs' with periods of 'evenness' in between. That's just the way it is. Nothing we can do about it, and nothing we can do to change it. Except for the problems that arise as consequences from poor decision making on our part, the only thing we have control over is the way we react to the 'ups' and 'downs'. It is our reactions, our responses to these 'ups' and 'downs' that can, for some of us, influence our diets and eating patterns.

I am working on separating my desire to eat from my feelings. There have been times when I find myself walking into the kitchen to get something to eat, knowing that I'm not hungry because it's only been and 'hour' since I had a meal. That's not hunger, that's a response to feelings. Permanent weight loss will be impossible for me as long as I'm 'eating my feelings'.

Fortunately these last few weeks.....so far....every time I'm about to get something to eat, just because I'm 'feeling' it, I have stopped myself from indulging and turned around and walked out of the kitchen.

Therefore, the weight loss continues!!!!! Yea, me!!!!!

One and Two

2018-06-13T15:57:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in my last post, in my opinion there are two essential parts to being successful with conscious eating, or 'eating the way slender people eat'. Those of us who are trying to eat consciously must consciously be aware of both parts at every meal and every snack. Here goes:

1. Eating consciously means eating only until you are full. I have had friends say to me, "But I don't always know when I'm full." I understand that statement and most of my life have lived by the "I'm eating till my plate is empty" model, because I don't recognize this full feeling.
The truth is that our bodies will give us a signal for when enough food has been eaten during a meal. In order to eat only until we are full, we must learn to recognize and acknowledge that signal no matter how much delicious food is still on our plate. We must be willing to admit that it's there, even when we want to ignore the signal.

2. Again, eating consciously requires that once you feel the signal for fullness that your body gives you, eating must stop. In my opinion this is the hardest part, because sometimes we just don't want to stop. Oh, man. There's still baked potato with all the trimmings on my plate. There's only half a slice of garlic toast left; surely I can eat that. That won't be much. In order to do this with integrity, you must stop eating once you feel that full signal. If the food left on your plate can't be saved for whatever reason, it goes in the trash. That's hard if you were raised with the starving children in China, as I was. However, no matter what, conscious eating is not conscious eating, and you will never be slender, unless you are willing to throw good food in the trash. It is a difficult, but critical lesson to learn.

Yes. This is hard. But you know, so is living with knee problems, diabetes, back issues, heart problems, and a myriad of other health issues that are caused by being overweight. Those of us who live our lives with too much girth can give you a list of ways that said girth has affected the way we live. We choose our challenges. We choose our rewards. Let's choose wisely.

Two Parts, Both Essential

2018-06-12T14:29:00.000-05:00

Ok, so today I had a small bowl of left over spaghetti for lunch. It tasted great, and my intention was to eat some watermelon after I finished the spaghetti. Well, when my bowl was empty, I was full, but I still wanted the watermelon. No matter what, I wanted the watermelon. I love watermelon. Nothing was going to keep me from my serving of watermelon.....

I put some watermelon in a bowl and sat down at the table, still feeling the fullness that came after eating the spaghetti, but dadgumit, I wanted to eat the watermelon. I ate about three bites, and then I decided that the watermelon would taste better in the middle of the afternoon as a snack. I put it back in the refrigerator to save for later. There. I felt better. I didn't over eat, nor did I deprive myself. I'm looking forward to some delicious watermelon in a couple of hours.

Conscious eating (eating the way slender people eat) has two major components that are essential to the success of this plan. Naturally slender people don't think about this. They do both parts, uh, naturally. Those of us who are challenged in the area of controlling our food intake must consciously be aware of and be compliant with both components.

Next post: A discussion of the two components.

This War is Not Won in a Day, a Week, or Even a Lifetime, But It Is Worth Fighting

2018-06-11T16:23:00.000-05:00

There are some problems that are easily solvable. You can flip a switch, replace a valve, write a letter, make a phone call, or any number of easily done things, and boom; that problem is solved. Some problems/challenges/wars are harder to solve and take longer to get the job done. Those might require a series of battles that have to be met head-on and dealt with on a number of occasions. These might include health issues, relationship issues, as well as work issues or a variety of problems.

Those of us who have weight issues have a different sort of problem. This type of challenge is more akin to drug and alcohol addiction than anything else, in my opinion. This problem/war lasts a lifetime and is never, ever won. However, please do not be discouraged. It is a war worth fighting. Getting control of my eating approximately 3 months ago has made a huge difference in the way I feel, as well as the way I now view food. It has also altered my eating habits.

I realize that eating like a thin person might one day make me a thin person. Won't that be awesome! I further realize that if I quit eating like a thin person, I will never, ever have a chance of being thin.

If anyone reading this blog, (and I thank you for being one of my readers) can relate to my food battles, please take heart. This takes work. No one can force you into anything when it comes to food. You must decide for yourself and for your own reasons. Please consider stepping into the eating world of thin people. Eat what you want, but eat only when you are hungry, and eat only till you feel full. That's it!

20 Pounds! 20 Pounds! I've Lost 20 Pounds!!!

2018-06-08T16:42:00.000-05:00

Yes, a milestone has been reached. In terms of weight loss, those numbers that end in a 5 or 0 are significant. It has taken me about 12 weeks to reach this level. I can do the math and figure out how much longer it will take me to reach my overall goal, but right now I just want to enjoy the moment and be reminded that consistently doing good things in small ways, in seemingly insignificant ways eventually leads to large, significant differences in our lives.

Yes. Yes. Thank you for your congratulations.

Now, on to the next 20 pounds. I got this.

Too Stressed to Eat? I Wish!

2018-06-07T19:46:00.000-05:00

I have a precious friend who is one of those naturally thin people. Always has been. Always will be. Naturally thin. We were talking about stress one day, and I shared with her the problem I have always had with overeating when I'm stressed or when I've been through something traumatic like the death of a family member. I remember quite well her reply, "Oh, not me. When I get stressed, I can't eat." Really. Too stressed to eat. What a concept! When I get stressed, I want a hamburger, no, a bacon cheeseburger. Who's with me on this?

I was reminded of our conversation a couple of days ago. In the middle of the afternoon I found myself in the kitchen looking for something to eat. I'm only allowing myself to eat certain things for snacks between meals. A handful of nuts, a banana, or an apple. On this day I didn't want any of those things, and I really wasn't hungry. It had not been long since I had eaten, and I knew hunger was not the reason I was in the kitchen. I was just stressed for some reason. I was feeling the stress, not hunger.

This has been a dilemma all my life. I have covered it in previous posts from an emotional angle. I've heard it described as 'eating my feelings'. Obviously as a 'conscious eater' I can't be governed by my feelings when I eat. I must be guided and controlled simply by whether or not I am truly hungry.

As I have written about these challenges that are ever present, serving as pot holes and speed bumps on my weight loss journey, I have also tried to write about a strategy that I plan to implement to assist me in dodging these obstacles. My strategy for this dilemma of the desire, the compulsion to eat when I am stressed, is simply to borrow and modify my friend's reply, "Eat? Oh no, I can't possible eat. I'm too stressed right now." I'll let you know how well it works. ;-)

My Forever Challenge? Popcorn?!?!

2018-06-04T19:14:00.001-05:00

So I have been doing very well with this weight loss approach ("the eating only till I get full" approach). Yesterday my husband and I ate lunch at a Chinese cafe with friends. I ate about a third of my broccoli beef and rice meal, and then I was full. The rest went home with me and will be eaten in the next day or two. I'm so looking forward to those delicious leftovers. Yes. That is working out fine and is not hard at all.

Well, last night my husband and I were watching a movie, and he said, "Would you like some popcorn?" We love to make popcorn. We have an old, old popcorn maker that we bought at a thrift store for $5, and we are getting more than our money's worth from it. We enjoy the popcorn from it much more that microwave popcorn. The problem? I have no stopping place when I eat popcorn. My husband make a lot of popcorn last night and I ate my share and more. I got full and kept on eating simply because there was more popcorn to eat. Needless to say, my weight was not at 'a new low' this morning when I stepped on the scales. :-////

I have always loved popcorn. I have often said, "How much popcorn can/will I eat? However much popcorn there is!" Not great grammar, but you get the idea. I can/will eat it with or without salt, and butter. I can/will eat it air popped or oil popped. I can/will eat it microwaved or popped in our wonderful old popper.

Yep. I must admit it. Popcorn is a problem for me. I asked my husband to please make half as much popcorn the next time. I think that will be the best solution for me. If there is only a small amount of popcorn available, then I will only be able to eat a small amount! Right? See, problem solved. Unless I decide to make a second 'batch'. ;-/

This Morning’s Fun

2018-06-03T19:58:00.000-05:00

Definition of fun when I’m losing weight: trying on clothes that were too small a couple of months ago and finding that now they fit! Yep. I actually had a larger choice of outfits to wear to church this morning. Standing in front of a mirror, changing from one outfit to another, and deciding which one I wanted to wear to church was pure fun! Winning by losing!