Wildfire-y-er.

Better, stronger, faster. Do you want specifications? Sure!

Me: @Axechucker

Her: @The_Rabbit01

Subject: That motherfarming #GameOfThrones #Blackwater episode, people!

Spoilers: Yes. Some. A bit.

I’ve nothing more to say. Go!

Let’s kick it off with props from Team Coco:

@ConanOBrien: I might be watching too much “Game of Thrones” because I won’t eat shrimp without first subjecting them to a loud, public beheading.

I do that to a lot of my food. Even the stuff without heads.

@KristianNairn: looking forward to @GameofThrones tonight. I remember lots of other cast + crew talking about making the episode, so can’t wait to see! #Hodor

Sadly there was no Kristian nor a Hodor to be seen!

@Prismaya: Time to livetweet #GameofThrones. I’ll try not to spoil anything.

You’re a better man than I.

@KeithWPickering: No #GameofThrones #Blackwater at my hotel (sigh). I do have the Kardashians though (sob).

It could be worse, you could ha—

Wait, no, yours is the worst. Sorry!

So there’s always this or that odd buzz happening on Twitter just before an episode…

@MercifulMalaca: I’m buzzed as usual before #Gameofthrones lol someday i will watch it sober.. but as the god of death says not today

That’s… not exactly what the—okay, actually what we say to the God of Death is… uh…

You know what? Never mind. You’re not even paying attention. Have another beer.

@CapitalTP: #GameofThrones is on!! Don’t bother for the next hour unless ur Cheesy!

@bloodofaunicorn: Can’t watch #GameofThrones tonight because of fucking stupid parents.

Time for new parents.

@mrletmeknow: I’ve been wanting to hear The Rains of Castermere.

I prefer the Rains of Castomere, personally, as sung by The National. I purchased it just the other day (along with the entire soundtrack)!

@_Scorch_: There you people go again with your #GameofThrones tweets.

You’re just as guilty as the rest of us, ser.

I always wondered what Jaime might be thinking this episode, since we know he won’t be appearing. And now I know:

@Jaimelannister1: Stuck in a boat with Godzilla while my Sister has fun in Kings Landing

“Fun” is certainly what she’s having!

So who are people rooting for to come ahead in this war thingie?

@A_Man_Is: Team Davos? Anyone? No? Oh.

@kisapmata: I’m actually rooting for Stannis!

@GameOfRos: Those of you of a Ros hating disposition will be happy that I am not in this episode.

@jjmm15: Hoy sodomizan a Joffrey??

¡Si!

@sufficientcynic: Isn’t it about time for Joffrey to start peeing himself and for the Hound to get some action?!

¡Si!

@aprilglick: Casting for this show deserves all the awards. Stephen Dillane does so much acting just standing there.

He did a hell of a lot more than just stand there. But yes, in Nina Gold we trust.

@Lady_Crunk: Its really cool when Africans pop up in really well-known shows. Lucian Msamati from Zimbabwe is a starring character in #GameOfThrones

Strangely, Salladhor Saan was a no-show this episode! It’s probably the one thing I truly missed. Eff the chain, but I love me some Salla.

We opened on the only place that wasn’t King’s Landing this episode, which is to say aboard a ship headed to King’s Landing! Davos paces the decks nervously, whilst his son Matthos speaks with fervent heart of his Lord of Light.

@SouthernDrawl: Even in #GameOfThrones, religion is the cause of war. Nothing ever changes.

@MaesterPycelle: Davos has wind. LOL

@blackbelt_diva: Stannis is coming and he is NOT playing. It’s about to get really real.

Stannis is Coming.

We go to King’s Landing and to Tyrion, laying abed with Shae. No sleep and no sex. Bummer.

@kimmiefield: You can’t fuck your way out of everything. Uh, ok, most things though.

@Hambonerdl: Can’t fuck your way out of everything well u don’t know my ex wife yololo

@Peachesf0ral1: Shae called him “my lion” instead of “my giant of Lannister,” tho I may like that better..

@MercifulMalaca: Howthefuck is it i’m actually starting to like Shae

Sibel Kekilli just has a way. She’s stubborn like that.

Cersei got some alone time with newly-freed (ex-Grand) Maester Pycelle…

@DeadRainbows: Nice to see GrandMaester Pycelle’s beard growing back nicely #Bronn

@BeautyBrienne: Aww, someone get Cersie a BigGulp of wine for this one.

@saranev: Cersei Lannister is totally Betty Draper’s great-great-great-great-greatest great grandmother. #MadMen

@Im_Rome_ing: She gonna slip someone a mickey

@TyMo214: Drunk Cersei is the #Best Cersei.

Drunk Cersei is really the only Cersei we’ve known this season. Seriously, when was the last time that woman was sober? Lena Headey plays drunk with suspicious aplomb.

We joined Bronn in random brothel #4, where he was entertaining the masses with his Jeromesque vocal abilities—sans Robson. Boys, isn’t it time for a reunion?

@spraytie: Does Robson still sEe Jerome ?

@GeoffLloyd: Jerome Flynn’s solo material is much better

@helenfrench: Do you think Jerome will be releasing this song? #hesalsointommyzoom

@aerynsunx: Bronn has a fine voice, eh? A drink and a song before battle.

@HEELSherrod: Sing-Along time with my boy Bronn in a whorehouse! Lannister side is always the right side

@AnirudhChauhan: And there is a dearth of good sacking songs

@becky_cha: They’re singing the rains of castamere. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

@munchichi02: Olenna is not happy somewhere. She hates that song.

Olenna (Redwyne) Tyrell much prefers “The Bear and the Maiden Fair,” I’ve heard tell. Stoked that she’s being cast.

Someone tell Loras and Margaery! Grandmama Is Coming.

Queen of Thorns for the win.

With Tyrell couture being presented as it is, I sort of picture Olenna as the Alice In Wonderland Queen of Hearts, with Left and Right dressed in matching bizarre artsy and completely ridiculous suits of armor. For some reason.

I’m kind of hoping Michele Clapton goes all Tim Burton-meets-Marie Antoinette on their asses, basically.

So back to the scene at hand, Bronn “opens his present”…

@jmarsh4037: boobs! everybody drink

@Bthe1stAvenger: He got that girl butt ass naked

“That girl” is Aremca (or “Armeca,” depending on who you ask), the show’s resident uber-slutty whore, played by noted porn actress Sahara Knite.

You will note Bronn never actually kissed her.

@Cavatica: That girl looks eerily like Lacey Chabert.

@CallieMarfurt: #gameofthrones why you have so much sex?

Sex is great. I recommend it.

So the lads were having a great time, boozing it up, singing songs, wenching… all going spectacularly well, considering it was the eve before battle.

And then buzzkill Sandor entered….

…followed by a Random Sullen Lannister Guard we have dubbed “Brad Lannister.”

(Perhaps Brad is the Hound’s squire. If so, no wonder he’s sullen.)

@SuddenlySandor: Brad was such an integral part of tonight’s battle, the smallfolk are calling it the Battle of Bradwater

@Wee_Birdie: Oh my sweet Hound….

@abydosww: Clegane you legend!

@sithwitch: The Hound is Westeros’ biggest mood-killer. Except maybe for Gregor, who is slightly bigger

@kissed_by_fire: Sandy speaks! Gjdhshdhgfhffgg.

You wouldn’t call him “Sandy” to his face.

@JaffaCakeQueen: The Hound and Bronn face off and I’m torn over who to root for.

@jmnzl: …except Bronn is far more likable than you, Hound?\\

@GeoffLloyd: Anyone else think Bronn and The Hound were about to kiss just then?

@marnie_grace: Sandor or Bronn, who would win that fight?

@forzarazaworld: Ooo the dog Vs Jerome (or is it Robson? lol) Tense stuff

@MovieGeek2012: I wonder who’d win in a fight between Bronn & the Hound???

That’s probably what GRRM was thinking, cackling with mad glee all the while.

But “Saved by the Bell…”

@HEELSherrod: OH DAMN, Bronn & Clegane bout to go at it but go saved by the bell…damn that was intense. I would have bet on Bronn

This episode, known for its pyrotechnics, had insanely good acting. Look at the Hound’s eyes during this scene when you re-watch it (and you will). It’s so good.

Anyway.

As people are now roused from their beds, Varys meets with Tyrion…

@bluecanary: “Bells ring for horror…death…battle…” “Weddings!” “Exactly.” Oh, GRRM.

@BeautyBrienne: No, Varys, you always hated the balls. Which you lost.

@xRapHeadx: Vasyrs is a pedophile

“I’m entirely sure you’re entirely sure what I’m suggesting.”

We finally got to fully meet Podrick Payne!

@Cescaa_Rose: Oh my goodness this episode is brilliant – loving seeing @Daniel_Portman on my screen properly at last!

#BlameDanielPortman

‏@Sir_Davidio: The Targaryens built this city. They built this city on ROCK AND ROLL

@Tbasedguy: Dis dwarf is jst too sensible

@gboromiro: Tyrion Lannister is one of the most well-conceived characters in modern literature.

@sithwitch: Varys, that was a literal cock tease.

LOL

Ser Davos answers the bells with drums!

@HEELSherrod: The drums for this blackwater battle sounds like the opening drum riff to “The Beautiful People” by Marilyn Manson! #Listen

Back at the Red Keep, Tyrion straps on an axe and has an oddly touching farewell with Bronn…

@natethebjork: Bronn, watch yourself. Think I’m falling in love.

@DannyJeram: Tyrion is about to get his Gimli on #GameofThrones

Except Tyrion wouldn’t put up with one ounce of dwarf-tossing. Axe to the face for even trying it, bitches.

Joffrey enters the chamber…

@HEELSherrod: Damn, Joffrey looks so damn pimp! Lookit that armor and despair, sucka!

… and the rest of the tweets were basically a chorus of boos, which is par for the course.

@alysania: Joffrey, you toolbag.

@LaurynRoe: Die Joffery die please? :)

@Evanidas: My dad just called Joffrey Baratheon a fag

@NickBranchPhoto: Joffrey is b*tch made!

@texasglamfan: I have never wanted a tv charachter to die a painful death more RT @peacefrogdesign: Someone please stab Joffrey in the face

@chrissykelson: Die Joffrey

@murray1134: Do you think Joffrey still talks about that time he met Batman?

@daniyrselfclean: Kiss my blade, aww Joffrey the romantic

@BinaDouble07: And what happened to your last sword, Joff, you snivelling little shit? That’s right. A little girl disarmed you!

@GameOfRos: ‘Kiss my sword’. Joff, I have the name of a therapist that would like to see you.

Sansa totally plays Joffers, though.

@heyjulieann: You smart little bitch, Sansa Stark.

@HeartBreak_1993: I love Sansa

‏@SB_Co: I love Sansa for this!!! She’s mastered reading him in as little words as possible!

@SCHirst: Sophie’s scenes have been just as brilliant. She owns them. Especially the one with Joff. That sass. Loved it. :D

@Dai_Kitty: Sansa I love you right now and your passive aggressiveness

I think that was more pure manipulation, but I can see a little P.A. in there, sure.

@DelonFerdinand: “The worst ones always live” – Sansa

@goddesspharo: “The worst ones always live” might as well be the name of every show I watch and enjoy.

@SCHirst: Sophie’s scenes have been just as brilliant. She owns them. Especially the one with Joff. That sass. Loved it. :D

I liked her first exchange with Tyrion as well. And the awesome “…” expression from Dinklage.

The show needs more “…”

Tension kept mounting, the feeling of impending doom climbing. Tyrion, Joffrey, the Hound, and Lancel gather on the parapets…

@marielarroyo: Guys, I’m scared.

@victoriagaytan: “That would make me a quarter-man. Just doesn’t have the same ring to it.” -Tyrion

@GQRecommends: If Tyrion survives Kings Landing, he should do a stand up tour. #quarterman

@GameofTweeting: well, Joffrey is actually a cunt. and there is no cure for being one.

@qeeerm: Can King Joffrey die already ?

No, he cannot!

Davos suspects a trap…

@MercifulMalaca: davos: its a tarp!!!

In Maegor’s Holdfast, we got the first of more than a few fantastic scenes between Cersei and Sansa…

@StephKateStrohm: Cersei I want your totally fab gold corset-armor

@crisiskittens: It’s imperative that Cercei armour her boobs.

@Kye_Commitz: Cersei’s battle plan: get shitfaced.

@equifox: I always wear my gold war-bustier while I’m drunk, belligerent, and under siege. #SoulOfCersei

@mrsawesomesauce: The only thing scarier than Queen Cersi is Drunken Queen Cersi. #wineoclock

@MikeRosenzweig: I would not want to play any of Cersei’s drinking games.

@JennJayBee: Nothing quite like the talk of a woman’s period to calm the nerves during a battle.

@jenonearth: My red flower that’s what I am calling it from now on

@thronecast: Somebody needs to book Cersei for a tampon commercial. (Turns to camera; glass of wine in hand): “Is your red flower still blooming…?”

@deefalc: Forget Joffrey, I want them to get Cersei!

@Alex_Corson: “@r__ick: I prefer Cersei sober. Someone please shut her up! // Amen, she’s an annoying drunkin’ idiot!

@Sir_Davidio: Ser Ilyn Payne is creppy but in kind of a funny way.

You mean like this?

So Tyrion prepares to unleash his secret weapon…

@carpe_dingus: SOMETHING AIN’T RIGHT HERE. ONLY ONE SHIP

Just wait for the Sandor / Sansa scene. Plenty of ships.

The drumming stopped as Bronn’s air shot through the silent sky… and…

@TitanConBelfast: and there we go WHUUUUUUUMP #HolyShit

@aaron24wood: I do believe the word is “BOOM!”

Boom.

@M_The0ry: DDDDAAAAAAAMMMMNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

‏@_onmyBIKE: Woooooowwwwwww

@keirhansen: HOLY HUFFLEPUFF HAMBONES OF HADES

@EddieWakeUp: WILDFIREEEEEEE

@SCHirst: OH FUCK YES!!! Now THAT is Wildfire!!!!

@thronecast: W * I * L * D * F * I * R * E #GameofWHOA

@jaspercoolidge: PIGSHiT!

@BethH_CA: Holy crap.

@MMMahsa: Holi mother of eff

@mherr1979: Holy fucking shit.

@TVTherapy: Holy. Ships.

@jerseywithak: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!

@AKA_Qthulhu: THE BEACONS ARE LIT! GONDOR CALLS FOR AID!

@thom_not_tom: “AHH! WEAPONIZED MOUNTAIN DEW! THE PAIN IS TOO EXTREEEEEEME!”

@oliverpowell: That was F**KING awesome!!!

@torulethewaves: And with that hit, Bronn became a believer of #Wildfire

@rindiecinema: Just flicked through the channels to see Robson is out fishing. What’s Jerome doing? BURNING THE BLOODY BLACKWATER!

@ChaseS19: SON OF A BITCH AND HOLY SHIT! They just rolled a D20 on a nuke!

LOL nerd

@lesabotage: Quite the bbq

@oh_so_fab: That green shit in the jar…no joke!

@thefabnikki: Dang they straight blew up the ocean

@Marcange: I don’t know what’s more amazing…Cersei drunk off her ass or that giant green explosion

@SimmoGBR: Davos is bad ass, shame he got blown to shit by some green smoke

@fernahp: All green! Nice spectacle!

@thronecast: Deleted Scene of Bieber’s #Blackwater cameo

@thronecast: The funny thing is, th… actually, you know what? I’m going to shut up for a minute because THIS IS AMAZING

When Thronecast has no words, you know shit must be good.

@jacobjunior7: THAT WAS THE GREATEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN

@ivan_karamazov: Stanis just got fucking pwned. #EcologicalDisasterOfThrones

@infenity23: Ohhhh, so THAT’S where their budget went this year!!

@hannahsearson: GOODBYE, BUDGET FOR THE SEASON. YOU LOOKED GREAT.

@AnimeGoddess92: They captured #Wildfire perfectly, THANK YOU.

@larissarainey: IT’S TYRION FUCKING LANNISTER, BITCHES BETTER RESPECT.

@theJoVo: The chain and the peach should get together and talk spin-off. You will be missed.

Nah.

Stannis is sort of impressed with all the green pig shit. But not really.

@UGTipster: Stannis just doesn’t give a fuck

Fucks given by Stannis Baratheon: 0

@goddesspharo: Sure, Stannis is all”Goonies never say die!”about war,but this seems like such an awful strategy when they’re raining fire

Stannis does not care what you think.

Back in Maegor’s Holdfast…

@FYWinterfell: Poor Sansa…stuck with Illyn and Drunky Dearest…

@KatieJo567: I kind of love drunk Cersei. She’s got swag.

@mycurtain: Cersei Lannister. Worst drinking partner ever.

@BigDamnHerosSir: Ooh, Lena Headey is always wonderful. Today she’s especially on her game.

@HEELSherrod: CERSEI IS TRENDING! YEEEESSSS! Now lets get Arbor Red to start trending with her…

@Allahschild: Cersei Lannister – “Tears aren’t a woman’s only weapon. The best one’s between your legs. Remember that.”

@sbj2k1: Cersei seducing Stannis’ horse = Mrs. Hands part 2.

@NiceQueenCersei: Did I just call Sansa a slice of cake? Naturally i mean tasty lemon cake.

Nice Queen Cersei is nice.

Stannis lands, and he lands hard.

@keri_lotion: What must it feel like to be shot with a flaming arrow?

Depends where it hits! Right through the eyeball? You might not feel a thing!

@geekgirldiva: Rocks fall. Everyone dies. #GOTspoilers

@FYWinterfell: A rock takes off a guy’s head and I scream with laughter?

Sounds about right.

@sbj2k1: Stannis, I know you’re a hardhead but you need your helmet bro. See the size of those stones falling down?

@TataniaRosa: EEEEEPPIIIIIIICCCC! :D That is the BEST battle in TV history!

Can’t think of a better one. Most comparisons were to a certain battle on film…

@Dai_Kitty: This is reminding me of that epic battle in lord of the rings

@stevenmorrish: Anyone else getting a Helms Deep vibe?

@BigDamnHerosSir: Christ, this is like Helm’s Deep. I watch Helm’s Deep and go “WE’RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT!”

@NoOptimism: I really hope they fire Joffrey over the wall with a catapult.

The Hound musters his own forces and makes like a very large meat grinder outside the Mud Gate.

@CormierJacob: “Any man dies with a clean sword, I’ll rape his fucking corpse!” – The Hound is such a poet

@PresGreen: You gotta love the DOG

@drsexington: Don’t fuck with the Hound.

@RockinMarcie: Oh DAMN! That swing of the Hound gdamn

@sgitw: This show is stabtastic! Or, more accurately, fuckedupwithswordsandfiretastic. But “stabtastic” has more of a ring to it.

@lilmissrenner: Even wee Lancel has more balls than Joffrey! Grow a pair Joff!!

Lancel didn’t do badly. Unfortunately he wasn’t out there long after he took an arrow to the—

@HEELSherrod: Oh Lancel, he used to be a defender of King’s Landing…until he took an arrow to the shoulder. #WorstJokeEver

HEEEEEL.

@tholzerman: Wow, if Lancel eats it, who’s Cersei gonna bone then? She’s running out of cousins.

@amarettosaurus: Lancel, your hair gurl.

@DeadRainbows: Lancel always looks like he’s shat his armour in every scene. #Lannister

Back within Maegor’s Holdfast, Cersei drank some more and became even more charming…

@TyMo214: Lena Heady is killing her scenes tonight.

@LPhillipLucas: Wow, Cersei really does talk just like Keira Knightley.

@dhousley: The Drunk Queen should have her own talk show.

@RitzyFritzy: Loving drunk Cersei #truth

Cersei continues with her verbal pwn, this time directing it at:

@mherr1979: Now Cersei is going to discover the Funny Whore? Please?

@heyjulieann: Oooh, Shae is Lorathi? I can think of another Lorathi I wish were onscreen.

The Lorathi have German accents. It is known.

Lancel staggers in and Cersei tells him what’s what.

@tara_atrandom: Wow. Drunken Cersei is like your crazy beligerent aunt cranked up to eleven.

Back at the front:

@A_lay_HAHN_dro: The Hound just split a man in fuckin half!

@BVonDrunkatron: I want a Hound of my own to cut people in half that piss me off!

@HEELSherrod: The Hound is quite literally the craziest bad ass ever…you have to set yourself on fire in order to make him frightened…

@OhSOLE_Tarek: The Hound is my niggaaaaaa

@allisonkelly: totally going to have Blackwater nightmares 2night

@DannyJeram: The Hound really doesn’t like fire does he?

@gusandleo: Oh man… poor Hound. Everyone keeps coming at him with fire and he’s flipping some serious childhood trauma.

@amarettosaurus: Well here I was going to invite the Hound to my memorial day bbq

Stannis was finally like, “Screw it, I’m taking the wall myself.”

@bitchdoctrine: WHOA! King Stannis is on a mission. gotdamn!

@RockinMarcie: They have an oversized French tickler breaking down the gate.

The Hound has had enough!

@amarettosaurus: “Fuck the water, bring the wine.” My personal slogan.

The Hound is basically “Eff u, eff u, and eff u.”

‏@bastylefilegirl: “Fuck the Kings Guard, Fuck the City, Fuck the King”

@LettuceHands: Fuck ‘em.

Stannis may not have given a fuck, but Sandor made up for it in spades. He gave many fucks away, leaving him, in the end, with absolutely no fucks left to give:

@bitchdoctrine: The Hound doesn’t have one fuck to give right now. Sounds like 2pac at the end of “Hit Em’ Up”

@CeolaB: Wow and the hound has left the building lol

@nvelenosi3: The hound is my new favourite <3 #boss

Not everyone supported the Hound’s decision to emancipate himself from the king:

@GregorPartyDude: “Fuck the king.” FUCK YOU, @SuddenlySandor. …THAT GUY WRITES OUR CHEQUES. HOW ARE YOU GONNA PAY YOUR HALF OF THE RENT NOW. >:(

So Lancel comes to fetch Joffers for his mum…

@stitchwitch1: Little snot is running away like a baby!

‏@YgrittetheWild: OH NOES, JOFFREY! RUN AWAY!

@hunty91: My daughter has more guts than Joffrey, and she is 1.

@scottfish75: “joffrey, your mam said its time to go home”

@TheSportsHernia: King Joffrey is a lot like LeBron in the big spot.

@ajoines2: Yelling at the tv

@mattzitron: Joffrey is like the third evil Jedward triplet.

@tholzerman: He’s a prick AND he’s a coward, at least by Westerosi standards. As a modern leader though, yeah, Joffrey’s smart

Smart enough to stay alive at least!

So Tyrion is forced into action…

@soundingline: Aaand now we’re lining up the unarmored peasants. Never a good sign.

@pigeonspotting: Tyrion’s all aw hale naw I did not leave casterly rock for this

@AKA_Qthulhu: “Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath. Now for ruin. And the red dawn!” – Tyrion, Hand

@riotgoat: Tyrion’s on a power with Aragorn on motivational speeches

@itschadlol: Tyrion is that dude. That is all.

@IAmRandomHer03: Oh my Tyrion Lannister is a MOTHER FUCKING BOSS

@TVObsessive: I’d follow Tyrion into battle any day

@kodietg: Omg #GameofThrones omg. I can’t handle what’s happening. Omg all these things.

There were certainly a lot of things.

@MasiRolCarter: #gameofthrones only bad thing about this episode is no News from the north.

I think everyone’s a little too busy to check mail right now!

Cersei flees the crowded chamber at Maegor’s Holdfast, but not before punking Lancel.

@HEELSherrod: Hey Cersei, you’re not gonna exploit a weakness that Lancel has right?! *BLAP!* Oh shit, I guess you’re gonna…

@AKA_Qthulhu: All male Lannisters are hilarious when in agony. Fact.

@flowerofmemory: Holy frick.Finishing watching #Blackwater @ friend’s house & when @Eugene_Simon’s scenes came on, even friend went “Damn.Now I c y ur a fan”

People can say what they want about Lancel’s … uh … manliness, but Eugene Simon plays the hell out of that role. Dude commits! Major props.

@Cescaa_Rose: Lmfao Lancel you big girl. And Sansa you perfect thing <3

Yep. Sansa took over.

@GameofTweeting: Sansa you are flawless.

@YgrittetheWild: Sansa saves the day!

@vcav: SANSA MY QUEEN

@cinnamonbot: “No one is raping me.” hell yes, shay

@Michie_Vee: I like Shae. She has spunk. I likes spunk.

@AlfieBCC: She does too. I’ll be here all week, folks. RT @Michie_Vee: I like Shae. She has spunk. I likes spunk.

You may be confusing Shae with Aremca.

So Sansa flees to her chamber…

@becky_cha: Urgh, Sansa with the doll that Ned gave her :(

She has a guest! The Hound pays a visit to his Little Bird…

…and Twitter went bonkers again.

@sweeetbutta19:“fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, fuck you, I’m out” – Clegane

@JimboMont: “The world is built by killers… So you better get used to looking at them.”

@thronecast: “Dude, your BREATH is a killer” ~ ‘Little Bird’ Sansa Stark to the Hound, Battle of Blackwater

@tbdeleted: the hound is telling it like it is to sansa right now. platonic otp tbh.

@UK_MJ: The Hound is in love with the Little Bird. :-(

@destinyvogue: I can’t help but ship Hound and Sansa. I know it’s wrong.

@cheriemorte: I still awkwardly ship Sansa/The Hound. Just for anyone at home keeping track.

@sassssss27: I love the Hound and Sansa.

@LaureEve: There’s something a bit quietly sexy about the Hound…. Too much?

@SkyyTweet: I love Sansa so much. I can’t even properly explain my love for her character.

@ironshackle: Omg this episode is killing me. ALL THESE FEEEEEELS!

@cheesybones: Don’t know about you but I would’ve gone with the Hound

@Sporrej: @SCHirst That was probably my favourite scene in the episode. Sophie was a killer in this one.

@BinaDouble07: Is Sansa going to cling to childhood or go with Sandor and embrace life? A thousand fangirls’ hearts break

@YgrittetheWild: If there are any Sansa haters left after that episode, you obviously do not get it. At all.

@SCHirst: @Sporrej Defo. I love battle scenes, but that scene was just so good. Sophie doesn’t have swords and pretty boom booms to hide behind.

The realization of “You won’t hurt me” was impressive to watch in Sansa’s eyes as it dawned. She even stood a little taller. Turner is so good.

I can go on for weeks raving about the individual performances in this episode. But damn, I have to post this bloody thing sometime!

So Tyrion and his rallied troops sneak out a side gate (one of the advantages of having Maps By Varys), and the Imp takes ‘em in the rear!

Er, in the side.

Well, he sort of just takes a limb.

@RockinMarcie: TYRION!!! NO ONE SAW THAT COMING, take out the leg! They don’t spect to look down there!

@AdumbralSprite: Boo yaah! Tyrion is a real man.

@SSanquenetti: Tyrion Lannister is my f’ing hero.

@byepluto: HALFMAN! HALFMAN! HALFMAN! HALFMAN!

@iEdoRamirez6: HALF MAN HALF MAN HALF MAN

@melissasavage: I have cheered at the TV at least twice in the last 5 minutes

@Simon_Mag: Do not want this episode to finish.

@Jekali: Forget Ironman Tyrion Rules

But Ironman is a Stark…!

@LadyGeeksUnite: I’m having a heart attack watching this #Gameofthrones episode. GAHH BATTLES! also this makes me love the Hound and Tyrion even more.

@Bloodyjack1: Who wins bad ass award? Tyrion, Bronn or Sandor?

Impressed as I am with all of them, I’m still going with Stannis.

‏Tyrion wasn’t given much time to savor the short-lived victory…

@ariyu: “Oh fuck me.”

‏@SESchmidt8: Curious as to when the word “fuck” was coined because they use it an awful lot on #Gameofthrones

It was coined as an epithet only approximately 300 years ago by Harren the Black. Up until then it just meant shagging.

Aaaaand then Tyrion went down. And my Twitter feed imploded, going from 80 per to 120.

Yes, I had to shut my computer down.

Again.

@MUFFINSITA_: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAAAAANNNN WTFFFFF NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #GameOfThrones

@gabrielasays: No enano noooooo!! :’( :’( :’( :’(

@mazcast: Tyrion down?? MEDIC!!!

@systemofthesoul: Tyrion Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

@IamLadyGanja: Noooooooooooooooooo not Tyrion

@daniyrselfclean: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo Petey

Pete’s fine. He’s an actor, and a pro at that!

@HeyJesi: Omg I am dead I AM FUCKING DEAD #donttakemyhomeboy #Tyron #gameofthrones

‏@Planeis: Uh… Did Tyrion just get murdered?

Almost. But who was there to save the day?!

@BigBilly33: Podrick Fucking Payne!!! Bad ass mutha fucka

@AKA_Qthulhu: SuperPod to the rescue!

@abydosww: YES, POD YOU BEAUTY!

#BlameDanielPortman

So we ended with the perfect scene: Cersei, sitting the Iron Throne, with young Prince Tommen cradled in her lap.

The ambience was just chilling. And the scene was…

Fucking.

Powerful.

@MercifulMalaca: cersei… oh wow

@Trynit1: I… am bawling. #Cersei #Tommen #OMFG

@NorthRemembers: WTF is happening?? I’m CRYING because of CERSEI?! Because of Cersei and Tommen and Tywin LANNISTER?! I need help!

@Summonfee1s: DONT YOU DARE KILL THAT LITTLE BOY

@JhenTayMarie: Cersei…. How u can fck u family suh!!! Dem capture u bredda suh u nuh stop ride out u cousin

I couldn’t have said it any better, ser. Uh, milady. Whichever!

The doors to the throne room burst open and—-

@gusandleo: LORAS! WOOFREAKINGHOO! SO fierce. @FinnJones

@niidz: I think i shrieked when i saw Loras hahaha my dog jumped

@amarettosaurus: Lookee here, it’s Loras the badass.

@SunshineTazou: Screamed so loud when he appeared..His face sums up my feelings exactly! THE ARMOR :’) #LorasTyrell

@maryjanesdance: @LORAS LOOOOORASSSSS avenges his soul mate thats right

Ser Loras Tyrell had something to say on the matter himself:

@FinnJones: The smallfolk say it was King Renly’s Ghost, but wiser men know better.

Finn wins.

@acharlowmedia: Damn those Lannisters they win again.

@skramit: Grandpa to the rescue. Haha.

@equuscholar: That is an amazing horse!

@Scheida32: Of course they won the battle. #pissed #gameofthrones #teamstarks

@kingslayerjaime: Did I tweet how my Father is badass? No? Well… My name is Jaime Lannister and my father, Tywin, is a badass.

We know now!

So the episode faded to black…

@NoOptimism: BEST. EPISODE. EVER.

@TitanConBelfast: now that was the BEST FUCKING EPISODE EVER. Awesome, awesome, awesome

@Team_Centon: @GameOfThrones @skyatlantic @HBO…..WOW, #Blackwater was THE BEST GOT EPISODE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t even think straight right now!!!!!!

@gusandleo: OH god chills. I can barely catch my breath. Well done!

@schecki: I think I need a cigarette. And a hug.

@ohaihenry: Holy fuck #GameOfThrones #Blackwater My body was not ready for all of that.

@umapedia: #GameOfThrones S02E09 | すごい迫力、。士気って重要なんだな。戦争の維持には国内メディアの統制が不可欠なのかもしれん。次週シーズンフィナーレ。

‏@HBOAdria: U 20:05 na HBO-u počinje nova, pretposljednja epizoda serije #GameOfThrones. RT ako ćeš je gledati!

No clue there. Translations please!

@Oolatus: Sweet mercy of old Gods and new, what an episode! I forget to breath at some points.. #fangirl

@NorthRemembers: Syriously, need some cuddling now- where’s Tommen?

Callum Wharry lives near Belfast. Don’t stalk him please.

@S1V4D: What!? What happened to Tyrion?! :,,,,(

@SeqThghts: PS #GameofThrones, if Tyrion Lannister dies a little part of me is always going to hate you.

@_msjessicaann_: If Tyrion is dead, then the show is dead to me

@Dyslexicshark: If they killed Tyrion off i’m not watching the show anymore

@TinPanAlley: Wow.. That was good enough to be a finale.. Damn

@CaitlinFox6: Season 2 #GameofThrones soundtrack will be a must to purchase.

@1SHRMScribe: Epic. Thank u #Hbo

@BenjaminBirdie: Very little food for a George RR Martin episode.

@Litewrks: The cast and crew of this show NEED to become slaves, and shoot 24/7 like this shit is real life.

All in favor of cast and crew slavery say aye!

@2P3: Don’t know if the book is this good but DAMN!

It totally is.

A lot of people loved this episode. 92% of Winter Is Coming voters gave it a 5 out of 5—easily our highest rated episode ever.

But don’t believe me—believe Samwell Tarly!

@johnbradleywest: That made most (pretty much all) other telly look poor in comparison. Wow.

And John wasn’t even in it!

‏@SamPatrickHowe: Unreal #GameOfThrones episode.

@coreyantoine: Wth!! How did Stannis and his army not take the throne? Something doesn’t make sense!

Renly’s ghost.

“The Rains of Castamere,” playing over the end credits, got plenty of notice:

@LyaStark: Ending the episode with the Rains. HBO, YOU BEAUTIFUL THING.

@amarettosaurus: OMG THIS ENDING SONG I’M SCREAMING.

@The_Rabbit01: And so he spoke, and so he spoke that Lord of Castamere…enough said.

@bkingsofkings: Rains of Castamere. So chillingly sung.

@Gillian_Philip: Was that Tom Waits singing The Rains of Castamere???

It was The National.

@NorthRemembers: Ramin Djawadi, where’s your Emmy? #GameOffuckingTunes #stillshaking

@thetvpusher: Was it just me or was that brilliant?

@oliverpowell: Wow. It pains me to think in one week it’ll be a yr before a new ep of #GameofThrones… Really just gonna have to get cast in S3 ain’t I!!!

Oliver Powell should have played Polliver. Think about it. Maybe they can squeeze him in for season 3?

@dMODAstylists: I finally understand peoples obsession with #gameofthrones

@Arbitral: “HolyFuckingChristCock.”- Me. Just now. After #GameOfThrones. #fb

@oliverpowell: The one thing that episode demonstrated is that all these films costing $250m to Produce are just bullshit. #GameofThrones MoreForLess

@thepsychoscooby: OMG @GeorgeRRMartin wrote the best ep of @GameOfThrones ever! BLEW MY MIND!

@dieslaughing: If #GameofThrones was a family reunion, #Blackwater would be that thing your drunk Uncle Doug won’t shut up about experiencing in the ’70s.

I am Jack’s drunk Uncle Doug.

@ThinkHero: Watching “Blackwater” episode again. I wonder how many times I’ll see it before the season finale

@busy_lizzy: Also I have secret crushes on Stannis, Lancel and Loras. And Tywin. And Tyrion. And pretty much everyone in the show.

It’s not a secret any more. Sorry!

@AKA_Qthulhu: So can we have a season by Cogman and GRRM with one guest writer, because that would work for me.

@SDKacho: @AKA_Qthulhu BCog needs to write 3 episodes per season. I’m okay with GRRM just doing one each go around. Man has too much to do already!

Agree! This one clearly edged out episode 3 for my choice as Best Episode of the Season. But was “Blackwater” better than “Baelor” …? I’m still weighing it. It’s close!

But either way, the Cogmeister Meistercogger needs more episodes!

Next week: THE FINAL TWEETDOWN!

UPDATE: TVByTheNumbers has the exact figures: 3.384 million for the 9PM airing and 863k for the 11PM repeat, for a total of 4.247 million viewers for the night.

Also, HBO has provided Hibberd with an updated total viewers per episode number: it stands now at 10.3 million. Thrones is still the third-most watched series in HBO’s history, and is inching closer to the number two spot, currently held by True Blood.

Winter Is Coming: No reason to panic here, folks. I expected a drop due to the holiday. Thanks to all the positive buzz off of this episode, plus the fact that finales usually have an uptick in viewers, I expect we will cross that 4 million barrier next week.

• Mance Rayder: We’ve heard about him all season. A former member of the Night’s Watch who became the “King Beyond the Wall,” the leader of the Wildlings.
• Daario Naharis: A confident and seductive warrior.
• Jojen Reed; Meera Reed: A teenage brother and sister duo with special insights.
• Edmure Tully: A brash young member of the Tully family.
• Ser Brynden Tully (The Blackfish): Catelyn Stark’s uncle.
• Lady Selyse Florent: Stannis Baratheon’s wife.
• Shireen: Stannis’ daughter.
• Olenna Redwyne (The Queen of Thorns): Margaery Tyrell’s sharp-witted grandmother.
• Beric Dondarrion: A skilled knight who is the leader of the outlaw group Brotherhood Without Banners.
• Thoros of Myr: A red priest who follows the same religion as Melisandre.
• Tormund Giantsbane: A Wildling raider.

Mind you that this might not be all, so please no cries of despair (as if, after you know who definitely is in):

Now, if a character is not listed here, does that mean they are not in season three? Apparently not. Because Benioff then added:  “And a few others … holy hell that’s a lot of new faces.”

Hear Me Roar: So now we know. I am especially happy for our long-time reader Blackfish Blues. As noted in the article, since they are adapting the third book over two seasons, there would be more uncertainty as to the roles cast this year – and that has now been put to rest. Thank you, David!

Book Readers
Axechucker – TV Equals
Myles McNutt – Cultural Learnings
Rowan Kaiser – Press Play
James Hibberd – Entertainment Weekly
Jenna Busch – Zap2It
Todd VanDerWerff – A.V. Club
Sean T. Collins – Rolling Stone
James Poniewozik – Time
Laura Hudson – LA Times
Westeros.org

New Viewers
Alan Sepinwall – HitFix
Jenifer D. Braun – NJ Star-Ledger
Ryan McGee – A.V. Club
Christina Dowling – E!Online
Larry Williams – OtakuAssemble
John Kubicek – Buddy TV
Matt Richenthal – TV Fanatic
 
HBO also provides recap and “Inside the Episode” videos every week:

Boom. That was “Blackwater”. My recap and reactions to tonight’s epic episode are after the break.

Spoiler Note: This post is for those who have read A Clash of Kings. As such the post itself and the comments will contain spoilers. If you haven’t read ACoK yet, you can discuss this episode in our non-book reader recap. Thanks!

Summary

Let’s start in King’s Landing (hehe). The episode opens with Stannis and his men sailing towards King’s Landing. Davos and his son Matthos share some words about the impending battle.

Back at the Red Keep, Tyrion lays in bed with Shae. He is scared and Shae comforts him. Cersei, meanwhile, gets a vial of poison from Pycelle. Elsewhere in King’s Landing, Bronn is looking to get some comfort of his own. The Hound shows up and him and Bronn exchange some words. Just when you think the story is going to deviate in a big way, the bells ring, signaling Stannis’ arrival. Back to Tyrion, who is donning his armor, while Varys talks to him about the supernatural. He then gives him a map of the underground passages in King’s Landing.

In the Throne Room, Joffrey is heading to battle. But before he does he wants Sansa to kiss his new blade, Hearteater. Up on the ramparts, Tyrion, Joffrey and the Hound wait for Stannis’ fleet. Joffrey is impatient, but Tyrion orders him to wait, he will give the signal. Davos is uneasy about the lack of any defense.

Cersei and the other women of the Red Keep, are holed up in Maegor’s Holdfast. Sansa asks why Ilyn Payne is there as well, Cersei says he is there to protect them. Cersei then shares with Sansa some tips on how to rule, when she orders the beheading of some maids who tried to run away with some stolen goods.

Back to the walls, Stannis’ fleet has come into view. Tyrion orders the archers to draw. As Stannis’ fleet approaches, one ship sails from the Blackwater out into the bay. Davos orders his archers to draw as well, but as the ship comes closer they realize it is empty. Tyrion gives the signal. Bronn notches a flaming arrow and shoots it at the empty ship. Davos sees the liquid green substance oozing out of the ship and into the river, he realizes what is about to happen. Bronn’s arrow flies overhead and lands in the trail of wildfire, igniting it with green flame. Davos screams at Matthos to get down. The ship of wildfire ignites. Ka-boom.

Back at Maegor’s Holdfast, where Cersei is well into her cups. She has another heart-to-heart with Sansa, talking about the mercy of the gods (or lack thereof). She then moves on to what would happen to the women if the city should fall.

Despite half of his fleet in flames, Stannis is not deterred. He leads his men out to storm the castle. They head for the Mud Gate, flaming arrows raining down on them. Tyrion orders the Hound and Lancel down to hold the gate. Lancel is wounded in the fight and scurries back into the castle.

Cersei is getting more and more drunk. She confronts Shae about her background (we learn she is from Lorath). She then reveals to Sansa the real reason Ser Ilyn is there, to kill them if Stannis should take the city. Lancel reports back to Cersei that the battle is lost. Cersei orders him to bring Joffrey back to the Red Keep.

Back to the fighting, where the Hound is straight cutting dudes in half. A flaming soldier comes storming towards him and he freezes in panic. The soldier gets an arrow through the eye, courtesy of Bronn. Sandor realizes all the fires burning around him. He gets spooked and heads back into the castle, the gates barred behind him. Tyrion and Joffrey order him back out there. Sandor curses them out and walks away. Stannis’ men bring in a battering ram and are smashing the gate. Lancel comes to tell Joffrey that the queen wants him back inside the Keep. Tyrion says he must stay, he needs to lead his men into battle. Joffrey looks scared, he tells Mandon Moore to fight in his stead and heads back to the safety of the Red Keep. Tyrion then decides to lead the men himself. He fires up the men with a speech. “Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let’s go kill them!”

Lancel comes to Cersei, tells her he wants to bring Joffrey back out to the fighting, to inspire the men. Cersei pushes him down and storms out of Maegor’s Holdfast. Shae tells Sansa she should not stay, if the city falls Stannis will not kill her, but Ilyn would. Sansa heads back to her room. Sandor is there. He tells her he is going to runaway. He tells her she can come with him. She declines. He tells her just must get used to people like him protectin her. “You are not going to hurt me?” “No, little bird, I won’t hurt you.”

Tyrion and his men are sneaking out of a hidden passageway to take Stannis’ men from the rear. They rout Stannis’ forces and burn the battering ram. Just when it looks like the battle is won, more of Stannis’ men storm towards them. Tyrion fights for his life and finds himself face to face with Ser Mandon Moore. Moore swings his sword at Tyrion, cutting him across the face. Before he can finish him off, Pod sticks a spear through his throat.

In the final sequence, Cersei sits on the Iron Throne with Tommen on her lap. She tells him a story of all the animals bowing down to the lion. As she tells him the story, we see Tyrion, slowly losing consciousness on the battlefield. He sees men on horses, riding in and killing Stannis’ men. Stannis’ forces retreat, with Stannis screaming at them to stay and fight. Right before passing out, Tyrion sees Renly on horseback, he is leading the charge. Back in the Throne Room, Cersei is giving the vial of poison to Tommen, certain that the battle is lost. The doors burst open and Renly strides in. He removes his helm…. and it is Loras Tyrell, wearing Renly’s armor. Tywin enters behind him, Cersei drops the vial to the floor, as Tywin declares, “The battle is over. We have won.”

What I Liked

Ka-boom. – Holy (pig) shit. Th wildfire looked amazing. The whole sequence was staged so perfectly. The one ship eerily floating past Davos, the wildfire pouring out, Bronn’s arrow and then the explosion. Wow, that explosion. Huge props to the VFX team on that one. And I loved the reactions to the explosions: Joffrey looks away, Tyrion looks on in awe and horror, Pyromancer Hallyne looks positively giddy, while Sandor mouths ‘Oh my god’. That was pretty much my reaction too, Sandor.
The Hound Steps Up – They finally gave Rory McCann some screen time and, man, did he step up to the plate. His reactions to the fire, and then his moment when he realizes it isn’t worth it. And then the quiet intensity in his later scene with Sansa. Sandor fans had a lot to like in this episode.
Cersei Gets Drunk – Lena Headey didn’t just step up to the plate, she knocked this episode out of the park. Her drunken revelations were a revelation. And her final scene was so well done, with her telling the story to Tommen as the final battle scenes play out, and then her reaction to Tywin arriving. Perfection.
We got a battle! – Hey look, battle scenes! And it is exactly what you’d expect from Game of Thrones: intense, gory, brutal. Hats off to Neil Marshall for his fine direction and to all the extras, crew and stuntmen that toiled for months in the cold, rainy Belfast nights to create these amazing scenes.

What I Didn’t Like

Nothing – If this episode isn’t perfect, than it is pretty damn close. I got no nits to pick, although I’m sure some of you all can come up with a few.

So, only one episode left. But first, let’s revel in “Blackwater”. Share your thoughts in the comments and rate this episode in our poll below.

So what did you think, newbies? The penultimate episode of a season always includes a few game-changers. Discuss the episode here without fear of spoilers, while We Do Not Sow provides his thoughts below.

Spoiler note: The discussion in this post is primarily for non-book readers (book fans can discuss the show here). We ask all the series veterans to refrain from posting spoilers in the comments here, veiled or otherwise. This show is best viewed without knowing all the surprises beforehand, so please be respectful of your fellow fans. Thank you!

We Do Not Sow: Halfman! Halfman! Halfman! That was awesome! Great battle scene and the wildfire scene was phenomenal. I realized the wildfire was on the boat right when they said there is only one boat. It might just be my favorite scene this season. Tyrion, what a great idea! And it was executed perfectly. Wow, I can’t believe I was even rooting for the Lannisters. The first thing I have to say is Peter Dinklage was certainly born for this role, he is amazing. Hopefully, he only has a flesh wound, because I don’t know if I can take losing him from my Sunday nights.

I really enjoyed the standoff between Bronn and the Hound right before the bells rang. I was really hoping they wouldn’t fight considering I like both guys. I have liked Bronn since he first appeared and I didn’t come around to like the Hound until the last few episodes. But the more the Hound has to say, the more I like him, and I really liked the “fire element” in his story and now being afraid of it is like his kryptonite.

So now we have Starks all over the map. This is crazy. Robb is leading his northern army into battle, Jon wandering with wildlings beyond the Wall, Sansa and the Hound leaving King’s Landing and headed north, Arya accompanied by Gendry (and hopefully Jaqen and the fat boy) headed home as well and the two young Stark boys hiding under Winterfell.

In the end you see Stannis getting pulled back by two men. I am assuming they are his men and pulling him out of harm’s way, but he is still on the wall so who knows if he will be captured, killed or even rescued by a shadow figure. I am guessing that Davos and his son are toast, but stranger things have happened. When they showed the ships burning and Stannis getting ready to lead the men off the boat you could hear all the screams and groaning of the men burning in the water. It sent shivers down my spine, but I also did feel bad for Davos, I was hoping for a little more from him.

In battle, just like in sports, there should be the three stars. My three stars of the Blackwater battle are Tyrion Lannister, Tywin Lannister and Bronn. If I could I would give it to the wildfire and I would even give it to the Hound, but after slicing and dicing a few men, he came up small in the end. But that might be the silver lining out of this battle, the Hound and Sansa headed home to Winterfell. If we are giving awards out for the battle I am going to give the over-confident award to Stannis. If he has ways to put the odds in his favorite with the dark magic, why wouldn’t he use it? This is war and I know not all his men like Melisandre, but if you have an edge you have to use it.

I did not realize until the episode was over that we didn’t see any of the other story lines, but I did not miss them tonight. We can catch up to Arya, Jon, Robb and Dany next week. Wow, what a great episode! I hope next week doesn’t leave us hanging too much for season 3!

Only 6 hours to go until what may one of the most epic hours of television ever. “Blackwater” debuts tonight. Help while away the remaining hours until then by talking about the episode here. We’ll have our recap thread up for post-episode discussion and my reactions will be added as soon as I lift my jaw off the floor and put my eyeballs back in their sockets. Here are the episode details:

Writer: George R.R. Martin
Director: Neil Marshall
Runtime: 57 min
Synopsis: Tyrion and the Lannisters fight for their lives as Stannis’ fleet assaults King’s Landing.

You can go straight to Simone’s You Tube site HERE.

Fire And Blood: No sexposition—but Samsposition! FPM!

This will come handy before Blackwater:

I know FaBio likes direschnauzers better, but still:

The scene is a discussion between Vargo and Jaime Lannister. The audition video will contain SPOILERS if you have not read A Storm of Swords. The dialogue also contains references to Jaime’s difficulties with reading, as mentioned this season. The actor’s audition shows no signs of a lisp, which I suspect we’d see if it was mentioned in the casting character description. So I think Vargo’s speech impediment may have been phased out.

Ours is the Fury: Great news! I hope we see a whole band of creepy “Brave Companions” next season.

May 2009 was the month when the story of the amazing casting on Game of Thrones began. First, David and Dan teased that a little good news was coming, and then it was revealed that Peter Dinklage had been cast as Tyrion, which was arguably the most crucial move in bringing GoT to life. Tom McCarthy was anounced as pilot director at the same time. We also got to hear what GRRM and D&D had to say about the exciting development.

Hear Me Roar: Where were you when you heard the news about Peter Dinklage being cast? What do you remember most from that period? Share in the comments.

Stannis Baratheon’s fleet arrives at King’s Landing, and the Battle of the Blackwater begins.

Ours is the Fury: It’s finally here, the major onscreen battle everyone’s been waiting for. What are you looking forward to most?

• Kit Harington answers some fans’ Twitter questions at the Wall Street Journal’s Speakeasy blog.
• Peter Dinklage interview on NPR’s All Things Considered.
• Rose Leslie talks to TV Guide.
• Esme Bianco is interviewed by The Daily Beast’s Jace Lacob.
• Richard Madden talks with Access Hollywood.
• Richard Madden interview at TV Guide.
• Richard Madden interviewed by HBO.com.
• Nikolaj Coster-Waldau talks with Entertainment Weekly at the Webbys.
• Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Eugene Simon and Alfie Allen interviewed by VMan.
• George R. R. Martin was interviewed on BBC Radio.

1. Main Title (1:46)
2. The Throne Is Mine (3:15)
3. What Is Dead May Never Die (2:06)
4. Warrior Of Light (3:03)
5. Valar Morghulis (2:59)
6. Winterfell (2:42)
7. Qarth (2:11)
8. Wildfire (3:39)
9. I Am Hers, She Is Mine (2:17)
10. Pyat Pree (2:12)
11. Don’t Die With A Clean Sword (3:22)
12. We Are The Watchers On The Wall (2:37)
13. Pay The Iron Price (2:32)
14. One More Drink Before The War (2:05)
15. House Of The Undying (5:02)
16. Stand And Fight (2:04)
17. The Old Gods And The New (2:38)
18. Mother Of Dragons (2:34)
19. I Will Keep You Safe (2:17)
20. The Rains Of Castomere† Performed by The National (2:23)
21. Three Blasts (2:40)

Interestingly, the soundtrack is up on iTunes now and despite the release date saying May 29th, it seems to be letting you download right away if you purchase it. Might be worth heading over there now and grabbing it before Apple fixes their error! It’s now been removed.

Winter Is Coming: So this track listing pretty much confirms what season two will end with. And The National doing The Rains of Castamere? Awesome.

Pixomondo has issued a press release describing some of the work they have done on the second season of Game of Thrones. Animation World Network has the full release. Here’s a snippet:

After the filming in Belfast, Croatia and Iceland for about 150 shooting days was complete, plates were turned over to Pixomondo. Though episodes were tackled primarily in order, Pixomondo began prepping the more difficult, VFX-heavy shots long before plates were received. On set, Gombos used storyboards and had an on-site previs team as well as a production designer so the shots were fully visualized before the cameras started rolling. Many of these complicated shots involved dragons, which were first revealed in the season one finale.

“The dragons mature this season so their look is more fierce,” Gombos explained. “In the first season, the dragons are freshly hatched so they are more delicate. We changed the proportions up a bit and made the spikes more prominent so the dragons are much more menacing now.”

Pixomondo’s renowned creature specialist, Dan Katcher, who works out of the company’s Burbank office and designed many of the dinosaurs in “Terra Nova,” helped to model the new dragons. The Pixomondo team in Frankfurt tweaked the designs further and provided the animation to realistically bring the dragons to life.

In addition to creating the dragons, Pixomondo also did a substantial amount of set extensions, battle augmentation and some additional creature work. The on-set production designer helped develop the look of the sweeping shots. Then Pixomondo was tasked with capturing the essence of Westeros, the fictional continent in which the series takes place.

For the first season of “Game of Thrones,” dogs were substituted for the direwolves, an unusually large and intelligent species of wolf in Westeros. In the second season, actual wolves were used. Using a variety of filming tricks and techniques, the shots were augmented to make the wolves appear larger and then composited with the background and actor passes for the final shots.

“The entire process of filming the wolves was quite complicated and required a great amount of precision, but the final shots with the supersized wolves really deliver the right impact,” said Gombos.

Winter Is Coming: Say what you will about how judicious the writers have been with showing the dragons and direwolves; but when they have been on-screen, they have been very impressive. That is thanks to the hard work of Pixomondo.

As usual these gems of lexiconic brilliance were kidnapped from tweets hashtagged #GameOfThrones or #ThePrinceOfWinterfell (via my @Axechucker account, with help from @The_Rabbit01) for Game of Thrones‘ episode 18.

For anyone who watched “The Prince of Winterfell,” this post is 99.9% spoiler free. For anyone who’s read the books, this post is 110% spoiler free.

Let’s git it awn!

(P.S. I am officially affixing a Not Safe For Work warning onto this post due to profanity. There are a lot of cunts in this one…)

The pre-air mood before an episode starts is always interesting…

@missushibbs: #GameOfThrones commencing. Some bloody violence, vicious treachery and wickedcrazy sex will definitely make me feel better

@MercifulMalaca: Another sunday nite another stoned me…me and #GoT my true love…

@ChouDawgg: I got really excited for #GameofThrones tonight, until I just found out that my parents got rid of HBO when I was away at school #BRBdying

Bad parenting. No excuse.

@joemaizonet: Nobody bother me for tthe next hour…….. #GameOfThrones #THISISHISSERIOUS!!

@LukeGeorgiades: The only family I like in this damn show are the Starks, Deaneries and Tirian. The rest are a bunch of chumps…

@Kia_Tee: Hating on Joffrey is a religion…and it’s Sunday, so it’s about that time. #Recognize.

@_jar41: Boycott #GameOfThrones w/me tweeps! Until a bad guy get killed(aka a Lannister)but not Tyrion Lannister he’s a good guy #StopKillingGoodGuys

Dude, Tommen is a good guy. And technically a Lannister. Are you wishing death upon him?

@roselinsgro: Watching #GameOfThrones with my nephews ….I feel like I could get in trouble for this

@lesbabyles: Here’s a dilemma: fuck/kill/marry joffrey/theon/creepy bald warlock dude?

Temporarily putting myself in a hetero woman’s body (or a gay man’s body), I’m going with:

F: Theon (experience—but hopefully no STD’s)
K: Joffers (duh)
M: Pyat Pree (UNIMAGINABLE ARCANE POWER AT MY FINGERTIPS. Assuming I live.)

@casey18cc: Game of Thrones summary: If you do the right thing, you die.

Pretty much sums it up.

So who’s looking forward to what?

@niidz: #Gameofthrones starting! Hoping to see the Tyrells tonight also more Jon/Ygritte and some Brienne/Jamie interaction!

@GameOfRos: I demand proper nudity this week. Yes, Robb. I’m looking at you. Or you, Jaqen.

@CruzNotTheChevy: Watching #gameofthrones Theon Needs to be taken care of ASAP!

@plankton17: If theon is not dead by 10 oclock tonight I will be pretty upset

So how’d that feel? You know, Martin, Benioff, and Weiss love the taste of your tears.

@BudkaBlatBlat: Pyat Pree and that Duck Sauce dude better give Dany her dragons back

Or what? She’ll hold her breath? The foot-stomping thing hasn’t really worked for her so far.

‏@Glitterlicious: I would love to kick Joffrey in the face. Yes that high.

@WintersRose92: Lets get ready for Theon & Joffery to add to their douche points, maybe Ramsay will join in.

Hey, we haven’t even met the Bastard of Bolton yet. Maybe he’s nice!

@ESnellDesign: Fuck whatever award show is on. Its #GameOfThrones time!!!

‏@GabrielleAdelle: Oh shit. TOTALLY forgot about the Billboard Awards. Oh well, I care more about #GameofThrones.

Totally forgot about it too. If a tree falls in the forest and lands on an award show no one cares about, does Miley Cyrus still dress like she thinks she’s ninetee—oh, I guess she is nineteen.

Girl can do what she wants. Leave Miley alone!!

@jamesfilhooo: #ThePrinceOfWinterfell nos Trends worldwide haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa tá passando #GameOfThrones na gringa? O.o

Allow me to translate that: “ThePrinceOfWinterfell is trending worldwide, LOL, how popular is Game of Thrones! I blame the gringos! I’m weirded out!”

I’m not kidding! #ThePrinceOfWinterfell was really trending on Twitter. Worldwide!

@atvgeek82: I don’t think anyone understands how happy the opening of #GameOfThrones makes me #epicsundaynightprogramming

@CaitDog13: During the credits, my dad likes to shout, “The Wall,” and then sit back all proud because he remembered one setting.

I do that too.

We open in Winterfell, where Theon has garnered even more loyal fans!

@GameOfRos: Weak. It rhymes with geek. Cos that’s what Theon does on his days off. Watches Stark Trek.

@Ace_October: Man…they ain’t really burn them kids did they?

Nah, they ain’t. We good.

‏@NorthPhillyKane: Dammmn, so it was the kids…

Nah, they ain’t. We good.

Even ex-NFL defensive linemen felt the need to chime in:

@WarrenSapp: No way he really killed them boyz!

Nah, they ain’t. We good.

Also, the black-and-silver may have been slimming, but I liked you better in pewter.

@moderationlovin: He really killed them? I thought we’d find out it wasn’t them, just some random kids…. :(

Haha, yeah, okay, he really killed them.

@sickcuriosity: “Are you the dumbest cunt alive?” Yes, he really is.

@MsCheleyChele: She just called a grown man a cunt. *giggles*

It would be less shocking to call a kid that. A grown man though? I giggled too.

@proudliberal63: I want Theon’s sister watching my back.

@Valkyries_Dream: Asha/Yara definitely got the brains in the Greyjoy family. And the ballz. It is known.

I AM BANNING THE “IIK” PHRASE UNTIL THEY BRING IRRI BACK.

North of the Wall…

@JrdnnAlexandra: Ygritte is so hot

@Cait320: OH NO SHE DID NOT! #GameOfThrones #IWillSaveYouJSNOW #YoureSoHott #GOD

‏@Tiggy4Real: Ygritte Translation: I’mma rape you in your sleep, Jon Snow.

I don’t think Ygritte has needed any translation thus far this season.

So we got to meet Rattleshirt, the Lord O’ Bones. Dude got a pretty good reaction.

@Tlieso: AHHHH Lord of Bones!!!

@DravinClaw: The lord of bones looks like skelitor

@eriktopham: Silly Lord of Bones. Everybody knows you don’t wear skulls after Labor Day.

@jackoapostrophe: I really should start wearing more skulls.

@AdamFrazier: Well, my favorite part of #GameOfThrones is the Skull-Faced Ice Warrior dudes… reminds me of the bad guy from #WIllow

@SueThePirate: RATTLESHIRT! Neato armor.

“Neato?” It was okay. My initial impression was “Gosh-bang gee-willikers groovy!” But I guess for you it ranks up there with erector sets, secret decoder rings, and Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifles.

Nerd.

We catch up to a very, very slow-moving Robb, aimlessly wandering the countryside and chatting up Talisa rather than making hard for the Crag in order to accept a Lannister surrender. Because that’s not at all important.

@sbj2k1: Either Talisa has 1000 dresses, or she goes to the best Laundromat in Westeros, Zero blood stains.

@PaigeAnna08: Robb Stark smiling #swoon

@theFUCKisSmiley: The only time a man can be brave is when he is afraid

‏@TitanConBelfast: “That is the only time a man can be brave.” Better late than never I guess for that line

I’m glad it was used! Kinda gives me hope that other iconic lines won’t be so much lost as shuffled about.

So Robb returns to the camp in a fury…

@MaesterPycelle: You’re pretty when you’re angry Robb. <3

@MrsShaniethia: Oh damn she let Jamie go.

@lorenzoking3714: OH NO SHE DIDN’T!!!!!!!

@sjc_jackson: WHY DID SHE LET HIM ESCAPE?!?!

@thronecast: I remember the time my mother threw away my Star Wars figures when I went off to University. I know how Robb Stark is feeling. #betrayal

@NoOptimism: Kill her Robb!

@G_LO_BO: Lady Stark WTF?

@SadlyNotGarrus: Seriously, Katelyn, you really are a flipping idiot. Freeing Jaime wouldn’t make your kids safer.

@IsaCantos: What have you done, Catelyn? D=

@2thestreetz: Did I miss something? When did she let Jamie go? What a bone head move.

She let Jaime go after she took Brienne’s sword and chopped his head off last episode. Where were you? How is this even a question?! They just basically spelled it out what happened. Come on now. Pay attention.

@SeattleSlim: Why are they making Catelyn and Robb like this?

@Bunk_Arneezy: Rob Stark basically told his momma to STFU…you ruined everything!

@SweeneyDey: Dear Catelyn Stark, while everyone else on my TL is hurling abuses, I say I understand. After all, I read the books.

@duckandcover: “I have five children and only one is free.” I want to hug Catelyn so tight.

Great little scene. Short and uncomfortable. Madden and Fairley have such good chemistry you almost don’t want to see their characters fighting.

(And yet that in and of itself was awesome.)

So we then joined with Jaime and Brienne, already on the road… and Twitter had it’s first explosion.

@lollywitharms: JAIME AND BRIENNE! TWO OF MY FAVOURITES! TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!

@vcav: YES Jaime / Brienne adventures begin!!!!! Non book readers rejoice at the best on screen pairing you’ll ever see #gameofthrones

@sandeeshoes: “you’re boring as you are ugly” oh Jamie Lannister, you’re a dream come true

A sucker for flattery, are you?

@Left4Ed: Oh, Jaime and Brienne… Best friends forever! That line about the horses had me ROLLING!

@ms_internette: FUCK YEAH BrienneXJaime!!!

@Copaface_: YAY THE BRIENNE/JAIME ADVENTURES BEGIN.

@dieslaughing: I can neither confirm nor deny that I am squealing over Jaime and Brienne right now. #squealing #canoeing

Canoeing is a much, much smaller ‘ship.

@Cat_Whitney: Oh Brienne… I love you so much ♥ #StrongSexyLadies

‏@endersvalentine: Oh my god, Brienne, you are everything I’ve ever wanted in a character. I love you.

@sbj2k1: Hehehe, #Brienne walks as is if she has a high butt.

She does! That’s one tall drink of water.

@jwsgt: They picked the right actress to play brianna

Brianna & James 4EVAR

@TooBadDiane: Aw! Briene and Jaime bromance is as good as I remember it.

Well played, ser. Er, milady.

Weirdly, Nikolaj got a few tweets regarding his voice.

@LuvMeSumGMEN: Y do I think the King Slayer has a sexy voice??

@LyaStark: Jaime’s voice is gonna get me pregnant one day. #dreamy

Kind of glad my voice can’t do that…

@digitam: #GameofThrones drinking game. Take a shot of whiskey every time Jamie Lannister calls Brienne ugly.

We once played a Fellowship of the Ring drinking game: drink whenever a hobbit falls on his ass. No one made it past Lothlorien conscious.

At Harrenhal, Lord Tywin holds court, fretting over Robb’s victories…

@ajhmurray: Did Charles Dance’s agent insist on him never going outdoors?

@sbj2k1: Seriously, this is the 4th Mountain I’ve seen in the show. Why do they keep messing with his look?

It’s only been two Mountains. It only seems like more because everyone looks the same in Lannister armor.

Arya runs outside looking for Jaqen, but instead finds—

@YaraGreyjoy: HOT PIE!

@diytv: Ah the return of Hotpie. We are filled with joy

@dieslaughing: HOT PIE. Sadly, Gendry is wearing clothes again.

Gendry has fangirls. Hot Pie has like… a cult.

@BeautyBrienne: God Hot Pie. Just die already. OHHAI Gendry

@MaesterPycelle: WHAT. Gendry has his shirt on. This is not gonna be a good episode. :-

@SeattleSlim: Finally got to see a bit of Hot Pie! YAY!

Sure, but li’l homie don’t get the “TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT” yowls that Gendry gets. Unfair!

My personal message to Hot Pie: I hereby request you shirtless, man. Let’d do this thing!

@OccupyWesteros: That sound you heard is every female #GameOfThrones fan’s disappointed sigh in the existence of Gendry’s shirt.

@cjmassoud423: Gendry…why are you wearing a shirt? NO SHIRT FOR YOU!

I’m slightly miffed no one has made a @GendrysShirt account on Twitter.

So back to Lord Snow and Qhorin Halfhand…

@GirlGreen412: Jon Snow you need to do something that resembles a man. I’m losing interest.

@ohhheyitskim: @ashleyamanion… And Jon Snow needs to start banging.

@BigDamnHerosSir: Mmm Jon Snow tied up. I had a dream like that last night. Wait… oh god, I’m typing that, aren’t I?

@lollywitharms: Over the past few episodes there has been much discussion about Jon Snow’s balls. Not that I’m complaining.

LOL. “Snow balls.”

At King’s Landing, Tyrion and Bronn continue another hilarious episode of One and a Halfman…

@Jan3Do3: Bronn is fond of manscaping.

@Althea__: They fight like an old couple

@sbj2k1: Bronn should wear a wife-beater instead of a gold cloak when in the presence of Tyrion. Nag, nag, nag.

@sbj2k1: Bronn correcting Tyrion is like me giving out directions. Such great confidence, but both wrong.

@deefalc: TV Bronn actually cares, weird

That almost slates him for an early death, huh.

Jinx!

So we fly north again, but this time to the Fist of the First Men…

@BinaDouble07: Oooh: a weirwood tree. First men goings on. Magicks. Dragonglass. SpoOOOky. Love it!

@MrsHekmi: Please someone remind me why Jon Snow and the Nights Watch are climbing these damn awful cold mountains.

Jon is not currently here, nor is he climbing anything of his own volition.

@SixThreeFoSho: “Great rangers never get old. Shit ones neither.”

@SueThePirate: Dolorous Edd and his perpetual misery complete me. And I’ve missed Sam!

@Clay_57: Man, these dude’s teeth on #GameofThrones>>>>>>

@cjmassoud423: They forgot to pack toothbrushes on the trip beyond the wall.

Seriously. Is it me or did I somehow not notice how bad Sam’s teeth were last season? The hell’s going on? Gingivitis?

And by comparison:

@esmenter: The Wildlings appear to have a surprisingly comprehensive dental plan.

Grenn soon made a discovery, and Twitter dissolved into one long batch of LOST references.

@MercifulMalaca: DON’T TRUST LOCKE

@allfookeduptoo: It’s the hatch from Lost

@MercifulMalacai: #4815162342

@tliesl: omg i just had 4 8 15 16 23 42 run thru my head..

@dav_mcg: Grenn and Sam found The Hatch! #gameofthrones #4815162342

KATE! WE HAVE TO GO BACK!!

Arya finally locates Jaqen H’ghar…

@Swag_Dave: Lol dats my G RT @dephrank: This assassin man in #gameOfThrones is a clown. Lol! He acts like Antonio Banderas

@BigDamnHerosSir: I just got distracted from being attracted to Jaqen by him booting a chicken. That was hilarious! Also, eff chickens.

Your disdain for chickens hearkens to Stannis’s disdain for cats.

Any Jaqen appearance always heralds these kinds of tweets:

@RuariGoesRawrr: Jaqen H’ghar GET IN MY BED

@kissed_by_fire: A man needs to take his shirt off.

@lebsdontagewell: I cannot deal with how sexy Jaqen is.

@amarettosaurus: A man was walking around being sexy, Arya, duh

Duh.

@SueThePirate: Why the FUCK is Jaqen H’ghar wearing so much clothing all the time? This is bullshit.

I keep asking the same thing about Catelyn. Where are my aching loins?

So Arya leaned over and—

@amarettosaurus: SHE EVEN WHISPERS IT.

@Serendipity_Sam: That dude gone die. Arya’s #hitlist

@cahbicudo: Arya, sua MARAVILHOSA

@Dacey_Mormont: Arya trolling Jaquen

‏@ElaineLua: I loved the way Arya dealt with Jaqen: checkmate on him !! :)

@i_LoveDiamond: The Stark girl is go be the key to winning this war for her brother

@aboldish: Balls, Arya. Balls.

@rhoynar: arya, you lovable little sociopath.

@lilmissrenner: “A girl gives a man his own name, a girl has no honor” A man shit himself there!

@Dai_Kitty: His please just made me happy

@dieslaughing: “No.” “Please?” ARYA AND JAQEN FOREVER.

A Man hopes that is not a ‘ship.

Back at King’s Landing, Tyrion and Cersei have a lovely little pow-wow, and we get another extremely brief glimpse of…

@eriktopham: Pod sighting!

@LoriTweets: PODRICK SITING! #podricksiting

@FaBioSpells: Podrick sighting. #podricksighting

@YgrittetheWild: Awwww, Pod!

@amarettosaurus: PODRICK. MOTHERFUCKING PODRICK IN DA HOUSE.

He smiled, which means we saw his face, which is quite the step up from us just seeing his shaking hand. Who knows, he may even talk before all’s said and done.

I blame Daniel Portman. Er, Pod. Ser. Milady.

@mherr1979: Oh shit. She knows about the Funny Whore!

“Shae the Funny Whore” is one of those phrases that just gets stuck in your head. I blame A Game of Thrones Parody.

@Chef_AlexG: Whores…… You only rent them

Fact.

@BinaDouble07: Cersei really is a bigger bitch than Kyle’s mum. Of all the peeps to be called a c**t this ep, it should been her.

@HotMessMandy: okay they said CUNT again. YAY!

@HDziembowski: Love the overused word Cunt in @GameOfThrones #FavWord

@Tlieso: Apparently the word of the day in @GameOfThrones is C*nt.

“C” is for “cookie,” that’s good enough for me!

@chipster1999: My favorite thing about #GameOfThrones is Lena Heady… #justsayin

@BeautyBrienne: Cersei’s such a lovely drunk.

@BigDamnHerosSir: Oooh Peter Dinklage bragging about the size of his cock. If we need verification, I’ll volunteer. He’s a sexy man.

@RockinMarcie: Tyrion has a tripod

@kabarberfoto: Tyrion got mad swagger moves like jagger!

@SueThePirate: Ooooh Ser Mandon exists! Oh hey Ros. Yep, we saw this coming.

@goddesspharo: Oops, wrong whore.

@someFantastical: LOL Cersei you so dumb!

@PaperHedgehog: They should just call this show “Cersei Cant Do Anything Right”. #EpicFail #itsatimenow

@YgrittetheWild: CERSEI, YOU STOLE THE WRONG WHORE! TAKE THE ONE NOBODY LIKES! #ohwait

I LOL’d.

@Jadiekyt: Roz takes the fall for Shae. This is what a life of sexposition gets you.

@GameOfRos: Why am I wearing clothes? This is wrong.

It’s all just a game, Ros. A Game of Ros.

@Valkyries_Dream: I really wish they would have put in Alayaya and not replaced her with Ros. Blech

Because Alayaya had such a fantastic and unforgettable personality! Boy, I just loved the quirky way she… uh… oh, and the iconic fashion she… er…

Oh, never mind. Might as well have been Ros.

Alayaya: one step higher than Chiswyck on the ASoIaF Importance Ladder.

@Adele_Jones1: Hahahahaha #Tyrion played you ALL ONCE AGAIN

@Dee1only: This dwarf is the man!!!!

@shaenasaurus: Every episode of #GameOfThrones should be about Tyrion Lannister.

Troof.

So Tyrion escapes his sister’s trap, and rushes back into Shae’s loving (?) arms!

(Apparently in season two he does know where the whores go.)

@PimpDrexl: The little dwarf is in love. Aaaaawwwwwwww

@dieslaughing: Awww. Shae is so romantic. “I will cut off their faces.”

@OffHandComments: Shae is a whore, and don’t you be forgetting it Tyrion.

@MissDovahkiin: Grrr Shae, you deceitful little wasp!

@silliet: Aww, Peter Dinklage just did one of the most moving scenes I’ve ever seen #GameofThrones

@lukezim: Never make a ho a housewife, Tyrion.

I’m sure he will. It’s fine. It’s all good. We’re okay.

@FontenaultUConn: Holy shit that scene between Tyrion and Shae was the most powerful Tyrion scene in the first two seasons.

@DudeMeisterrr: It must be really weird fuckin a midget

But you’re considering it now, aren’t you. Aren’t you.

Back at Robb’s camp…

@Katastroph3: Roose Bolton’s everywhere this season.

Well, he’s no Baelish.

@Loretta8_SoP: The Bastard of Bolton is getting quite a bit of hype.

@duckandcover: SEND THE WORD, ROOSE. SEND IT. OH FUCK, SEND IT. #WhereisRamsayBolton

‏@rhoynar: i don’t know why ramsay hasn’t shown up yet; but i know when he does, it’s going to be fucking terrifying.

@deefalc: Ramsay is coming… its like a horror movie

I’m still insisting Ramsay could be a really cool guy if you give him half a chance. Maybe he’s like Wolverine.

So Talisa launches into her tale of Volantian (Volantan? Volantic?) woe…

@authordwhite: I like how they gave Robb Starks love interest a bigger role in the show than in the novels

@itsandrewcheung: Talisa’s backstory was awesome. Much better than the book’s Jeyne. Easy to see how Robb could lose himself to her.

@AlyssaRosenberg: So, Talisia’s speech on #Got tonight is…kind of the entire series going forward contained in a single monologue.

Not everyone is down:

@EnglishBob84: *yawn* this Robb Stark love story is making me want to slit my wrists…. #boring

@soundingline: The Robb-Talisa subplot is dumb. Writers have made up this Talisa character from whole cloth and have NO idea who she is.

@lauramcln: What is this shit? Jayne your name is supposed to be Jayne rhymes with pain. Why can’t you remember it?

Robb mentioned wanting to hear her play the harp…

@amarettosaurus: By harp he means his dick.

@ItzAnaBish: Just fuck her already.

@MantisToboggan5: If Robb’s new lady doesn’t get naked in 2 minutes, I quit this show.

Bro, if you had simply just held out one minute more…

Alas. You will be missing some really good television. Let me know how Ru-Paul’s Drag Race is.

@BigDamnHerosSir: Oh, Robb, that girl is only going to be trouble. Most girls are, darling. It’s kinda what we do.

@sgnp: People in the dating scene: Will “I don’t want to marry that Frey girl,” become an effective pickup line? Report back!

‏@inkasrain: Yeah, it actually IS an important bridge, “Talisa.” A really bloody important bridge.

Emphasis on “bloody.”

So next thing you know, off come the clothes! Zoom!

@gongclough: Get in there Rob lad. Talisa is by far the best looking woman in #gameofthrones

@MyLifeOnMatch: Rob Stark finally gets it on!

@BeautyBrienne: No, Jeyne, HIS heart stopped.

@NoOptimism: GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY KING ROBB, WOMAN!!

@diytv: We’ve decided to learn CPR and marry Robb Stark.

@ThatDude_Stru: How annoying must out have been back when there were that many laces and knots on clothes to undress?

@ShantaFabulous: Robb’s in trouble. Pretty girl trouble.

…but a bitch ain’t one.

There were a lot of uh… appreciative people tweeting about the rampant clothes-shedding.

A lot of people. And a lot of tweets.

Many, many, many tweets.

@Trucker_Sean: Man, Charlie Chaplin’s granddaughter is SO fucking hot.

@KatjaKat: Oh my. Mum is a Talisa fan…

@thedeadbaron: Combat medic lady has nice boobies/bottom!

@BeautyBrienne: -cues up Marvin Gaye-

@GameOfRos: Right, cue the sexy music playlist. The candles. Now Richard Madden’s ass.

@StarryNightsx3: Robb Stark is so hot *___*

@mW_: Also, Talisa, or Jayne, or whatever…?…wow. Wow.

‏@SneakerIQ: Got damn she got a lil phat ass!

‏@ChristieToner: Robb stark unf

‏@Schwarziest: There’s the nudity I’ve been awaiting!

@T_IsForTom: robb stark just gets fitter and fitter

‏@RodDCsFinest: How can u make love when ur father is dead, sisters missing, lil bros burned to. Ashes and ur best friend took ur castle?

I’m going to say that’s the best time to make love.

@MasterGio: Damn! She got a smoking hot bod!!

@TitanConBelfast: on the floor of the tent. Classy

@rhoynar: you shouldn’t have done that, robb. now you’re screwed in ways you can’t even imagine.

I dunno. He can imagine an awful lot.

@jacktrippper: She keep the boots on… #100

@amarettosaurus: Go on gurl, have sex with yo boots on

Well it’s what I look for in a woman! Boots. ON.

@TonySolo: Is Rob really going to jump into the Frey?

No, she’s not a Fr—oh, I see what you did there.

@bansky: She even has the little above butt dimples

@A_Man_Is: Jeyne’s wiggle is less sexy than @YgritteTheWild ‘s, but it’s still a ten-point rump. #WhoDoesHBOsWaxJobs

@GameOfRos: Female nudity. No male. I demand equality. Or rather – show me the Robb peen.

It’s true, we didn’t even get Robb butt. What’s up, show?

But if we’re being technical—and you’ll note I usually am—nudity was pretty much equal. Robb: naked chest + nip. Talisa: naked chest no nip + butt.

Does butt trump nip? Someone let me know for my flow chart!

I didn’t realize it at the time, but there was a question as to whether he actually even … uh … you know.

@kabarberfoto: Oh God. Robb Stark is a minute man??? Epic fail! Lmao! He didn’t even take his pants off! Lmao

Did King Robb just premature it, or was that rueful smile just a brief pause before the real action began? House Gatewatch, you make the call!

@SuperSportGirl: I cannot wait until Ron Stark finds out what happened to his brothers….that will be an epic moment.

SuperSportGirl, how in the hell are you thinking about that during this quasi-epic love scene?!

@mwhitehair87: Three C-Bombs in 7 minutes and a king choosing sexy time over a bridge. I love #GameOfThrones

Amen.

Back at Harrenhal, Jaqen has apparently done his work.

@BigDamnHerosSir: The dead Lannister guardsmen at the gate got an audible “Oh, shit!” from me. Nice job, Jaqen.

@MrsShaniethia: Damn he killed everybody so they could get away. I would say his debt is more than paid

@KAMI2HOT: Dude is a one man wrecking crew!! lmao blood & guts everywhere

@nordnate13: I almost just threw up this show is so good!

@Asani: #Jaqen H’ghar of @GameOfThrones is a boss, on some cosa nostra loyalty with ninja precision.

@patycake15: Jaqen H’ghar. The Man. Damn.

@fleethistown: Gendry. My heart.

@SweetAndSwifty: Yay! My babies escaped and TOGETHER. #OtpOtpOtp

OTP Hot Pie slash Gendry? What would that be? Hot Pendry? Hendry? Got Gie?

@jmnzl: But but but! This is a change I don’t like. I want weasel soup.

Yes, yes. I missed it too. And they faked me out with the Biter/Rorge setup. Maybe they intended on filming it? I dunno.

We joined King Stannis with Davos, sailing north towards King’s Landing…

@deeds812: Stannis!!! We haven’t seen you in a hot minute #GameofThrones I thought we were gonna put a pic on a milk carton for you

@NiceQueenCersei: Aww… Davos loves Stannie.

@mherr1979: Can Stannis and Davos make out now?

@itsandrewcheung: Someone has to make a meme of Stannis explaining which animals he prefers to eat.

Just like Winter, I’m sure that’s coming.

Back at King’s Landing…

@reecyKup: “@Ch3rylC: Joffrey walks like he’s wearing heels. #GameOfThrones” lol, he probably is.

@Lady_Macbethe: Red smile from ear to ear? You gonna make him the Joker?

@kimmiefield: #GameOfThrones Joffrey would ride out to meet Stannis? Joffrey ka-bobs for everyone!!

@Crazy__Clarissa: Joffrey fighting hahahahahahaha I’d pay money to see that XD

@Noirello: “- Imagine Stannis’s terror. – I am trying.” :D

@jmnzl: VARYS. Wow this entire scene is flawless

@SweetSigma: Definition of perfect supporting actor: Conleth Hill, Varys #getthatmananemmynom #exquisiteepisode #whyonly2epsleft

@cinnabubbles: “Where is the gods of tits and wine?” PFFFF!

@bjules44: In the Summer Isles they worship the fertility goddess with sixteen tits…..We should sail their immediately

@beccajacksonyo: “Why are all the gods such vicious cunts?”

@LegoDaddy: Not much sex, but definitely a lot of cunts

@amarettosaurus: CUNT COUNT: UP TO 3! #GameOfThrones #Record

It’s a 5-count of cunts, actually.

There was a lot of cunt-y discussion on Twitter. People either love the word or hate it, much like “Amazeballs” and “Universal Healthcare.”

In Europe I know it’s not that big a deal. HmR has called me a filthy cunt like fifty times. But in the Quaker-state U.S.? People take it a little more seriously.

(For the record, people who accuse the show of overusing the word clearly haven’t read the books in a while, since Yara (Asha) uses the word all the time in ADwD… and even Arya gets in on the cuntversation, blithely offering her opinion as to how a person’s visage may or may not resemble a camel’s cupcake.)

(Seriously, you freaking puritans! Every one of you who even deigns to suggest the TV show has more sex than the books needs to seriously go re-read, immediately, then go smack yourselves across the nose with your friendly neighborhood Dominatrix’s favorite riding crop. If the show had as much sex and nudity as George R.R. Martin tucked into his books, you’d be watching porn.)

So back to the tweets, still on that same subject…

@mike_ammego: The dwarf has just said “cunts”, “tits” and “shit”. Ban this filth!

@AminusS: The C-word is apparently the word of the episode in the latest bout of #gameofthrones :P

@The_Stealthcow: This weeks episode of Game of Thrones was brought to you by the word c**t

@RussianUndies: How many times did they say #cunt in #GameofThrones this week?! Anyone count?

@itsCASH: They’ve said cunt 637485995737372 times this episode

Only five! Underused euphemism.

Across the Narrow Sea in Qarth…

@amarettosaurus: Jorah, no yellow shirt? Son I am disappoint.

@goddesspharo: LOL, I love how Jorah just said exactly what I was thinking. YOU ARE NOT A DRAGON, DANY

@TweetingKerry: Awwww all of my Dany/Jorah feels!

@ohimjohnson: iain Glen… you are wonderful…

@BinaDouble07: Jorah is a total KILF. But perving over a young teen chick. Slightly sleazy..and that Lolita is totally playing him!

@jflotv: Danny is playing Jorah like a fiddle. She touched him and all the bloo left his head.

‏@wednesdaydreams: judging from the tweets, does everyone want to slap Dany?

‏@Shankat10: And what of my magic? I’m going to use that line.

@goddesspharo: Why is Dany fondling Jorah’s face if she basically told him that she’s going to be celibate forever?

Chicks are like that, man. Er, milady. Ser.

So as we wind down, we catch up with Theon and Dagmer again…

‏@adamgilani: PLOT TWIST…again. Gold for the farmers troubles, woah!

Okay, that was the only Theon and Dagmer scene tweet. People were still tweeting about cunts.

Lo and behold, the reveal that surprised—well, more people than I thought it would:

‏@TheSamWicked: The crypt.

@lilkatiegirl: They are still alive!!!

@ryguylucas: THEY’RE ALIVE THEY’RE ALIVE THEY ARE SO ALIVE

@CjAcer: I KNEEEEEEEEEEW IT!!!!!!!!!!

@shawnhorton: I knew they weren’t dead. Starks are strong. Winterfell is great.

@nightsons: I knew they were alive. Robb is STILL going to kill Theon.

@DannyMaguire5: Had a feeling the Stark’s weren’t dead. Hope Osha doesn’t die – i don’t feel like seeing Natalia Tena dead again #tonks

@michalob587: I knew those fuckers weren’t dead

Yeah. Fuckers!

@GiorgisN: Hodor must be a pokemon. Says only his name all the time.

Hodor did not Hodor this episode.

@YgrittetheWild: And with that conclusion to this episode, there are tears.

@oneradnerd: Aw, little Bran…! I just wanna give him a hug!

Ladies and gentleman… Isaac Hempstead-Wright just slew you all without saying a word.

So what did everyone think overall?

@vickewoh: EVERYTHING IS SANSAN AND NOTHING HURTS #sansan #got #thenightisdarkandfullofsansan

SanSan had nothing to do with this episode, brah!

@amarettosaurus: Over already? I was waiting for Littlefinger to show up in Qarth #GameOfThrones

@Erykthedead: So Game of Thrones just gets better and better.

@KelseyAnneWalsh: #GameofThrones makes me forget about my problems and increases my desire to be a knight.

@amarettosaurus: Time for the customary after #GameOfThrones cigarette #BetterThanSex

@SEANesweeney: That was an awesome setup episode of #GameOfThrones. So many good scenes even with little action

@KingDavidsSon: I take back what i said about #GameOfThrones that show is ill as fuck

@the5ivestrikes: @ImNowCaseyJ No. This episode sucked! WTF

@Rozay_Skywalker: #GameofThrones was on point tonight, can’t wait till the battle!!!

Yes, the preview for next week had everyone abuzz.

@BryRB1277: the best thing about tonights episode #ThePrinceofWinterfell was the preview for BLACKWATER!

@GameOfThrones: #Blackwater is now trending worldwide. Keep your responses coming #GoTFans.

@TheChrisMelvin: “Those are brave men knocking at our gate. Let us go and kill them!”

@r__ick: This next episode is gonna be so epic—it’ll make Sodom and Gomorrah look like Sesame Street.

I invite our readers to insert appropriately offensive Sesame Street jokes. Go!

Make love! AND war!

~FaB~

The HBO Store has kindly provided two of their most unique items for us to giveaway to two lucky readers, the Dragon Egg Necklace and the House Sigil Stone Coaster Set. To be entered to win one of these items, leave a comment on this here post between now and when the next episode of Game of Thrones airs (Sunday at 9 PM ET).

And to make things a bit more interesting, I’m gonna ask that you leave a comment recommending a new product idea that the HBO Store could sell. The best idea, as judged by me, will win their choice of the two prizes. The runner-up will win the remaining prize. So let’s hear those brilliant ideas!

UDPATE: HBO has said that (provided it is feasible) they will manufacture and sell the winner’s suggested item! So not only will you get a prize for winning, you could get to see your product idea turn into reality!

Rules:
1) This contest is open to US residents only.
2) To enter, just leave a comment suggesting a new Game of Thrones product on this post between now and Sunday, May 27th at 9:00 PM Eastern.
3) You can submit as many ideas as you wish between now and the end of the contest. Each idea will be considered a separate contest entry.
4) We will notify the winner via their email, Facebook or Twitter account used to comment. If you don’t respond within 48 hours, you will forfeit your prize and we will draw a new winner.

Good luck!

Another leaked audition (that has since been taken down) showed a French actor auditioning for the role of Mero, aka the Titan’s Bastard, captain of the sellsword company, the Second Sons. We already know they are casting Daario, now it looks like at least one other sellsword captain will be cast.

Another audition report comes from Twitter, where actor Cas Anvar tweets that he has an audition for Game of Thrones tomorrow. Which role do you think he is auditioning for? Daario? The Red Viper? Speculate away!

As level as it gets. Will the full-throttle promotion of Blackwater push more viewers to the 9 p.m. airing next week? Tune in seven days from now to find out.

After some discussion here and elsewhere about this abrupt exit, Bryan wanted to clarify the situation, so he sent me this statement:

Hi all,

In light of a few messages I’ve received, I feel the need to explain my Twitter defection. Will try to keep this brief, as there are a lot more important things happening in the world that need our attention.

The hashtag was immature. I’m sorry I put it that way. It was an emotional reaction after a long day. I don’t regret leaving Twitter, but I should have been more respectful, since that’s what I was asking of fans. Apologies for that.

It was not an easy thing for me to do, as I really enjoy Twitter and interacting with fans of the show, some of whom have become friends. And I absolutely recognize that the majority of you have been nothing but positive and supportive. So if my leaving Twitter has disappointed you, I’m sorry. Of course, it’s important to remember I’m not dead. I’ll still engage with the fan community, I’ll still check the message boards from time to time, do interviews, etc… I just won’t be on Twitter. Really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. You’re not gonna miss that much — the majority of my tweets were promoting the show (which needs no help from me) or talking about the weirdos that hang out in my coffee shop. But I truly appreciate the notes of support I’ve received.

I also want to make clear that this isn’t a reaction to people who’ve asked me questions or expressed concerns in a kind and/or respectful way. I wish I could have made people understand that I’m not in a position to answer questions about why certain characters were absent this season or why we changed a particular storyline… but many of you asked those questions with good intentions, so please know this isn’t directed at you.

Which brings me to the reason I’ve decided to leave. Some people weren’t so nice. They’d either rant at me about what they didn’t like or, at their worst, insult me and my bosses. I realized today I was spending too much time weighing on how/if I should respond and being frustrated by the negativity. And I felt like I was being punished for opening myself up to viewers. I concluded it was just distracting me too much, taking up too much of my time and energy and running the risk of affecting my work. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time and a few choice tweets from some disgruntled fans just pushed me over the edge — hence the hasty farewell tweet.

Everyone’s entitled to express themselves on Twitter and if I have a public Twitter feed, I’m opening myself up to both the good and the bad. So, no more public Twitter feed. I’m going to follow the practice of my fellow GoT writers and just concentrate on doing a good show. Please know, from the bottom of my heart, I hope you all enjoy these next two episodes of our adaptation of A Song of Ice and Fire and all the episodes to follow. And if you don’t, that’s okay too, really it is… I’d just rather not hear about it anymore.

Thanks, and all the best,

B

Winter Is Coming: I completely understand Bryan wanting to pull away from Twitter. Getting constant feedback can hamper the creative process, even positive feedback. Although it is sad that there are people out there that denigrate the hard work that Bryan and his bosses, David Benioff & Dan Weiss, do to get this show on the air, just because they disagree with the way the show has handled certain characters and scenes. It saddens me to think that this might tarnish Bryan, David and Dan’s impression of the fan base. I’m not saying you are not allowed to have an opinion, but we should try to be civil about it. In the end, we all love this show and these books and we should be respectful of our fellow fans (and I include Bryan as a fellow fan), even those we disagree with.