witlessworm blog roll

Back in the saddle [worm4]

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 13:04:16 PDT

So due to an invite from the father-in-law for a round of golf in the near future, on Sunday I had to get the clubs down from the hook in the garage and blow off the dust/mold. It's been four years since I played (not well), not since before moving into my current house.

In the pocket of the golf bag was an unopened pack of 15 practice wiffle golf balls, purchased about three years ago when I realized, hey, I have this nice big back yard! So I took the practice balls and pitching wedge into the back yard. Thirty swings, a wallopped grill, and two nice divets later, I gathered what I could find and came up four balls short. (Bare in mind, these balls really don't go more than 20-30 feet with even a good swing, and none left my yard.)

Not a good start.

Also while cleaning the garage on Sunday, I attempted to ride a bike for the first time since I was 15. That didn't go too well either.

daily photo #35 (back from the grave) [dabootski]

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 12:12:32 PDT

samie and the man of the hour mr bishop.

My birthday present from Mikey: [lovelylynder]

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 09:47:53 PDT

I did it, who is going next?

FavreWatch 2008 [witlesssports]

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 09:12:12 PDT

Ok, the one offseason that Favre is worth watching, and I'm sitting on my hands.... but I am watching. So he's getting the itch- maybe he's not over the limelight, maybe he misses his team mates, maybe he's just sick of Deanna nagging him to paint the house or take the trash out.

But now he wants to come back, well after everyone else has moved on. This is just a bit more of the spoiled superstar that we saw last season, who kept the Packers hanging on for an answer one way or another.

I applaud the Packers for not releasing him, and for saying that he can come back if he wants to, but as something less than the marquee starter that he's been used to for so long. I'm not just saying this as a Bears fan, because our defense has shown that we are more than capable that handling what Favre has to offer at this point, but he's going to get hurt having to play two against the Bears, two against the Vikes, and then have to face the Saints, Seahawks, and Panthers too. He said himself that he's tired of getting beaten up.

So it seems that his options are: stay retired, or come back as a backup for whatshisface. The Packers said it quite tactfully in a statement that they issued on their website:
http://www.packers.com/news/releases/2008/07/11/1/

Son-of-a... [powerslave-tjd]

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 14:31:44 PDT

bitch!

So does this mean I owe Chris Mortensen an apology?

I'll have more to say later.

bishop for president! [staticnullvoid]

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:59:23 PDT

bishop for president - he's go my vote!

Conversations with Brett Favre [worm4]

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 06:03:11 PDT

In which Brett Favre explains his reasons for coming back to the NFL.

(A phone rings)

Favre: Hello.

Me: Hey Brett, how’s it goin?

Favre: Hey Jay, I was expectin a call from you.

Me: Oh yeah? I suppose you’re having trouble staying out of the news and all.

Favre: Yeah, retirement is a lot harder than I thought it’d be. I’m either not doin nothing or not doin nothing that I want to do.

Me: Didn’t you get my retirement gift?

Favre: The subscription to The New Yorker? Yeah, I got it. (sarcastic) Thanks…best gift ever, man.

Me: Aww, come on. I know how much you like cartoons.

Favre: Yeah, funny ones. Those ones don’t even make sense. I’ve got to throw it out every week before anyone sees it. I think my mail man was laughin at me the other day.

Me: Whatever… the reason I’m calling is that you can’t come back and play for the Vikings.

Favre: Why not? You’ve got a great team, and with a veteran quarterback you could win the Super Bowl. You should be ok with that.

Me: Hey, I want the Vikings to win as much as anyone, but they’ve gotta do it the right way. Winning with you would only force Vikings fans to acknowledge how great you are. And that would just completely ruin football for us.

Favre: Don’t exaggerate, man. Sure, it’d look weird at first, but after the first few preseason games, the fans would cheer for me just like they cheered for Sharper or Longwell… or Jim McMahon back when he played for the Vikes.

Me: You don’t get it. It’s like Karate Kid II. You seen that?

Favre: Heck yeah. I own the extended directors cut. The one with the deleted scenes of Ralph Macchio crying when he tried to break the ice blocks.

Me: Ok, so Miyagi’s enemy, Sato, raises his nephew to absolutely hate Miyagi, to want to kill him as soon as he sees him. Then the hurricane hits, Miyagi helps to save that kid, and Sato forgives him. But his nephew still hates Miyagi because that’s all he’s known his entire life. How can he be expected to forgive a guy just like that? That’s how Vikings fans would react to you wearing purple. It just wouldn’t work.

Favre: That may be the smartest thing anyone has ever said, ever.

Me: So you see why, if you come back, it can’t be with Minnesota or Chicago. It’s gotta be in Green Bay.

Favre: So do you think I should play for one more year?

Me: I don’t know. Are you in shape?

Favre: Sure, I’m on the Wii Fit every day. My Wii-trainer says I’m as flexible as a yoga master. He's always telling me that I’m doin a great job.

Me: Wait… you picked the male trainer? You know there’s a female trainer too. And you know that you can toggle between a front view and back view, right?

Favre: Yeah… so what’s your point?

Me: Nevermind. I’ll tell you what. I’d love it if you came back, just so the Vikings could sack you a dozen times on Monday Night and make you look bad. So when are you gonna decide for sure?

Favre: If I’m coming back, I’ve gotta be on a plane Friday afternoon. All week Deanna's been talking about me taking her to see something called Mama Mia on Friday night… and I just don’t like the sound of that.

Me: Well whatever happens, good luck.

Favre: Thanks. Brett out.

monday-ish mirth: dr. horrible's sing-along blog [staticnullvoid]

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 07:23:14 PDT

this has a chance at being amusing, right? right?

To Chris Mortensen: Get a job, sir! [powerslave-tjd]

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 09:30:24 PDT

So yesterday was a slow news day at ESPN, apparently. Then again, there's really is NOTHING going on in the sports world right now. I heard they had some soccer tournament somewhere, and that people are playing golf (but who, isn't? I wish I was right now). There was also some hoopla over a draft and some ill-pondered trades in a professional sports organization that is most likely 100% fixed.

Chris Mortensen has made the Packer organization and Brett Favre seem, once again, like a spotlight-starved diva by circulating a story that Favre is considering a "unretirement." He bases this on an unnamed source, and speculation from a current Packer, Al Harris. Harris, when properly prodded, will speculate on just about anything, and is usually 90% wrong. And his comments in this case are no more concrete than the pile of fresh marshmallows at the foot of a porn star's waterbed.

Favre retired. I know this because he said so, to the press, himself. And he hasn't said anything official to anyone, to my knowledge. So he's still retired. End of story. If you could call that a story.

And since I haven't really weighed in on the retirement thus far (and as it is my duty to weigh in on such things for the other worms), here's how I feel: I'm over it. Time to move on.

When a friend of mine thought I would be filled with jubilation about a potential return and was surprised I wasn't, I told him this:

I also don't cry at funerals, for the most part. You're dead, and that's that. No changing it, no stopping it, it's inevitable. The rest of us have to deal with what's left, and the sooner, the better.

Not that death and retirement are the same, but imagine how fucking annoying it would be if your dead friends and relatives could communicate with the living somehow. Also imagine that resurrection or re-animation was even possible. Now imagine the living people who talked to the dead ones always alluded to some off-the-cuff remarks about how the dead "sometimes felt like coming back" from the dead for one more year, just to see the grandkids, or whatever.

"Oh great; looks like grandpa is tired of how the rest of the family is trying to move on since his passing, and really wants all the attention back on him again."

It's a rumor, plain and simple. If Favre had actually made some sort of statement to the press or the Packers or anybody about coming back, I would be happy, but would still not enjoy the backlash.

Now I get to enjoy the backlash, without any of the reward. Mortensen can take a swift kick in the dick for ruining my holiday week. And Al Harris should probably learn to say "No comment," when asked about former employees (just like the rest of us).

Fire McHale! [worm4]

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 05:46:55 PDT

Now that's the McHale I know and love...

The Wolves needs going into the draft - a swingman who can score, a center, and a back-up point guard who is better than Sebastian Telfair. So they drafted OJ Mayo - not bad. Then they take a European center who will be really good in 3 years - ok... I guess. Then they take Mario Chalmers, a point guard who just lead his team to the national title - a nice 2nd round pick.

Looks like I can go to bed content with the drafting of my favorite basketball team.

Wake up this morning and get the details of the trades. Mayo, Antoine Walker, Marko Jaric, and Greg Buckner to Memphis for Kevin Love, Brian Cardinal, Mike Miller, and Jason Collins. Plus they sell (not trade - sell) Chalmers to Miami for cash and future 2nd round picks.

So for the right to get more cap space next summer (instead of paying Jaric for two more years), the Wolves add three players who play the same position as their best player (Jefferson), and Mike Miller, who's a free agent at the end of the year. What really makes no sense is that Memphis has three good young point guards, and MCHALE DIDN'T GET ANY OF THEM BACK IN THE TRADE!!!!!

(Even worse for Memphis - they needed size coming into the draft, but they trade three big men basically for Mayo, even though they already have three good point guards and two good young swing men - Warrick and Gay. This is like the perfect storm of incompetence!)

So now, of the Wolves four restricted free agents (in order of importance, Craig Smith, Ryan Gomes, Sebastian Telfair, Kirk Snyder), Telfair and Snyder become the two most necessary to re-sign because the Wolves have no back-up point guard and two shooting guards in the last years of their contracts. So by trading for the expiring contracts of Cardinal and Collins, they'll probably lose Smith and Gomes.

This sucks.

Happy 30th to me! [lovelylynder]

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 07:41:21 PDT

A repeat message for some of you, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't missing anyone...

Thursday July 3rd my buds Trish and Dan are coming up to go to the Less than Jake/Goldfinger concert at first ave with Mikey and I. tickets are listed as $20 in advance (they came to $26 after Ticketmaster fees) I think they were listed as $24 at the door.

...to be followed by a full night of drinking...somewhere. not sure where yet.

Saturday July 5th:

Tubin' in Zumbro Falls, MN. Camping afterwards for those who plan to drink on the river and not have a sober cabbie. Cost of the tubes is $10/each, canoes (for 2 people) and kayaks (for 1) are $35 each and camping is $10/tent (I am going by last year's prices, rates may have been raised slightly). I plan to be on the water at 11AM, so for those traveling from the cities be aware this means you will have to be on the road around 9AM Saturday morning!

...to be followed by a full night of drinking at the campground.

I also have Monday July 7th off work (my actual B-day)

and Tuesday July 8th, although I haven't made any plans for those days yet. (dinner out on Monday night is likely)

So if anyone else just happens to have a couple days free, let me know and the party can continue!

The loss of a great one [professionalc]

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 07:21:33 PDT

Here's a cnn.com news story about the historical impact of George Carlin, who died on Sunday night.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/showbiz/2007/07/25/anderson.dirty.words.affl

monday mirth: r.i.p. george carlin [staticnullvoid]

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 07:21:21 PDT

[video]

Wanker Wednesday- B Cow Stomp "Squur Dance" [witlessworm]

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 21:29:06 PDT

That's right- Hip Hop Country... I just stumbled across this while channel surfing- I challenge you to not get caught up in this song- you're gonna smile, or at least tap a foot to this one.

And the best part is that it's just fun music from a rough part of town- 67th & Western on my South Side.

The most wonderful time of the year [worm4]

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 06:48:06 PDT

The NBA Draft is just eight days away! (Game last night? What game?) I’m starting to think the Wolves just have too many holes to fill, meaning that their best option is to trade down. Here are some possibilities.

If Miami takes O.J. Mayo at #2, the Wolves can trade #3 to Memphis along with Rashaad McCants for Mike Miller, Kyle Lowery and #5. Memphis gets Beasley, the guy who they want more than anyone; the Wolves get a point guard they need and a three-point shooter they need. Seattle at #4 will then take Jarryd Bayliss from Arizona and the Wolves will be up again. But now the Clippers are at #7 and they want Russell Westbrook, the point guard from UCLA, and they think the Knicks will take him at #6. So the Wolves trade the Clippers #5 in exchange for #7 and the first round pick the Wolves owe the Clippers as part of the Marko Jaric/Sam Cassell trade a few years ago. The Clippers take Westbrook, the Knicks take whoever they want, and the Wolves, at #7, still can choose from Love, Brook Lopez, or whoever (minus whoever the Knicks take).

If Miami takes Beasley at #2, the Wolves can take Mayo at #3, trade McCants for whatever they can get (I wouldn’t mind seeing McCants for J.J. Reddick, just for some outside shooting), and package their two 2^nd round picks to move up for a big man (Robin Lopez, Roy Hibbert, some foreigner, etc.) Or the Wolves could trade the #3 pick to the Clippers, who would love to have Mayo, for #7, the pick the Wolves owe the Clippers, and either a future pick or Shaun Livingston (who is still recovering from knee injuries but is only 21 years old.) They can then take Brook Lopez or Love at #7, which would net them a new center, a new point guard, and save them a future #1. Or the Wolves could trade the #3 pick to New Jersey for picks #10 and #21 (and maybe a little something else), which they could use to take a couple of big men, like DeAndre Jordan and Robin Lopez (thus relying on McCants and Foye for one more year). Or they could trade #3 to Portland for #13 and Joel Przbylla, and then take a guard like D.J. Augustin or Brandon Rush at #13. (The downside of that is that Portland adding O.J. Mayo, Greg Oden, and Rudy Fernandez would then be unbeatable for the next decade.)

Worst-case scenario; the Wolves take Mayo with #3, two European players in the 2^nd round (who stay in Europe), fail to trade McCants, Walker or Madsen (all three contracts in their last year), fail to re-sign Smith, Gomes and/or Telfair (not so much of a loss on Telfair unless you don’t get another point guard), and the Wolves are back picking in the top 3 again next year.

Eight days to go… my head hurts.

Does the government control the weather? [worm4]

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 08:32:45 PDT

That $1500 check from the government last month was really nice. I admit that it wasn't my intention to use it to stimulate the economy like they wanted - I was just gonna let it sit in the bank for a while.

But due to hail storms on May 25th and June 1st, my house is getting new siding and a new roof, and my wife's car is getting a significant chunk of body work done. Good thing for insurance... but deductibles and such will still total at least $1500.

So I guess that money will be going to stimulate the economy afterall. Homebuilders who can't build new homes because no one will buy them can still make money by fixing hail-damaged roofs. And people fired from jobs making cars that are suddenly unaffordable can just as easily fix them.

I guess that was a pretty convenient hail storm for Cheney and Co. I'm sure there'll be plenty of construction jobs in the coming months in the parts of Iowa and Wisconsin that are flooded too. Plus, with corn crops suffering, E-85 prices will be rising along with gas prices, making our Saudi Arabian friends happy.

Never can catch a break.

According to today's paper, my representative in Congress, Michelle Bachman, has a plan to cut gas prices back to $2.00 a gallon, but it will be at the expense of the environment. I say go for it. What has the environment done for us lately?

Behold! An awesome story about fugitive monkeys... [professionalc]

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:51:46 PDT

From a cnn.com affiliate...

http://www.local6.com/news/16627350/detail.html

What else can they lose? [regattariley]

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 20:53:58 PDT

Flew direct flight into MSP with my dog, it would cost more to board her than to fly home with her for 2.5 wks, and they LOST her for 40 minutes!!! Yup, unlocatable! I could hardly believe it. When they did FINALLY locate her, they gave me a $25 flight voucher for all of my trouble. What about the undeserved duress that my dog was obviously under from being left on the tarmac near operating planes for 40 MINUTES??? That should at least constitute a free flight for her, wouldn't you think?

So go to be here for a short time.

listening to that inner voice [regattariley]

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 20:47:21 PDT

Found out recently while walking in the Relay for Life that Blind Date Guy is not only a druggie but a dealer. Yeah, that's right folks, he probably had the herpetic-esque skin rash from cooking up a little something-something. That also explains the Rotweiler and out of state phone number that he's had for the last three years of living in AK.

Has it really been 8 years?! [professionalc]

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 10:53:14 PDT

I remember when the Elian Gonzalez thing blew up- JQA and I just happened to be up drinking at like 3am after RKA had gone to bed, and we were channel surfing and shooting the breeze. We just happen to hit CNN or MSNBC or one of those just as the raid was getting underway, and they had a live camera outside the house where Gonzalez lived. We had a good debate afterwards, about father's rights vs. the right for a kid to grow up unoppressed, and we stayed civil even though we were both loaded...

Now look what's happened to the little pischer!

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/americas/06/15/gonzalez.ap/index.html