One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said,
‘I’ll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you…
‘The girl looked at him, and then said, ‘NO!’

Eddie said, ‘I’ll be real fast. I’ll throw the money on the floor,
you bend down and I’ll finish by the time you’ve picked it up.’

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend… so she called him and explained the situation.

Her boyfriend says, ‘Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won’t even be able to get his pants down.’

She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend’s call.. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls her on her cell phone and asks what happened…?

Still breathing hard, she managed to reply,

‘The bastard had all quarters!’

Orginial Post On:

Fast Sex

During her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating
furiously.

“Oh my GOD!” screamed the woman. “That’s disgraceful! Why is he doing that?”

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained,

“I’m very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a
serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he
doesn’t do that at least five times a day, he’ll be in extreme pain and
his testicles could easily rupture.”

“Oh, well in that case, I guess it’s okay,” said the woman…

As they passed by the next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed
while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, “Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?”

Again the doctor spoke very calmly: “Same illness, better health plan. “

Orginial Post On:

Testicle disorder

‘Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,

how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?’

Michael said: ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’

The teacher responded by saying: ‘That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?’

Sherman said: ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.

I’ll be right back.’

‘That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom

at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show

us your good manners?’

Johnny said ‘I would say: Darling, may I please be excused

for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend

of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.’

The teacher fainted..

Orginial Post On:

Good manners

Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, ‘What a peaceful & loving couple’

The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

The Husband replied: ‘Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America ,’ explained the man.

‘We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s horse stumbled and she almost fell off.

My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’

We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, ‘That’s twice.’

We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I SHOUTED at her, ‘What’s wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you *%&#@$ crazy!?’

She looked at ME, and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’

And from that moment….. we have lived happily ever after.’

Orginial Post On:

HOW TO HANDLE A HUSBAND

Later, the bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Newfie for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parked it. Two weeks later, the Newfie returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, ‘Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?’

The Newfie replied: ‘

Where else in Toronto can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?’

Ah, Newfies…..

Orginial Post On:

BANKING IN TORONTO, NEWFIE STYLE

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:
“God bless Mommy,
God Bless Daddy
and good-bye Grandma.”
The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
“God bless Mommy
and good-bye Daddy.”
He practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack! of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said “I’ve never seen you work so late, what’s the matter?”

He said “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”

She said “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me.

This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch!!

Orginial Post On:

Psychic Daughter

“What’s that mean?” asked the child.

“Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.”

The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.”

Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.”
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it to disguise the scent, and said “OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.”

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”

( YOU’RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!! )

The little girl said, “She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.”

Orginial Post On:

Walking the dog

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step .

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, ‘How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!’

The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”

Orginial Post On:

Get On The Bus

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a
flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his
little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr
old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, ‘He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place……..spank him again!’

Orginial Post On:

Should a Child Witness Childbirth?

Orginial Post On:

Bless The Newfie