From the Hill Top to You: A Wizards View

I Would Like To Eat Sometime This Month

2006-02-08T12:32:00.000-04:00

New blog is up.
Not my design, mine is horribly flawed (both online and in this filthy reality of ours).
I will continue to toil with the page I made in an effort to fix the millions of bugs/errors in it. I will only do so until Friday because that's when I get paid and when that happens I'm buying $500 worth of groceries and eating, non-stop, until mid-March.

Thank you and go fuck yourself.

WIZARDLY TWO POINT OH MAN I'M GOOD LOOKING

bookmark it, eudich.

Day GAP&FYS

2006-02-05T18:49:00.000-04:00

Crashed and burned, baby.
My work environment is not condusive to sobriety, especially not in 12 hour doses.
My boss called me into the liquor room where I was expecting to get fired, turns out he just poured me and Aaron a couple of gin and tonics. After ten or so hours on the front lines of distributing insobriety I wasn't about to refuse. That was the straw that made the camel whack.

No darts though. That shit'll kill you.

Day Three

2006-02-03T19:12:00.000-04:00

I'm hungry.
This sucks.
I bought deodourant and that smell went away.
Tom Petty is a dick and so are you.

EDIT: DAY THREE CONT'D

No real big cravings at work.
I got high off chocolate before going in, that lasted a couple of hours.
Another godawful 12 hours tomorrow. oh rapture of joys.

I posted that d.a.r.e. link as a joke but I actually checked out the site and all I can say is as soon as February is over and done with I'm picking up a crate of that Nazi Speed shit. YABA!

-GAP&FYS

Day Two

2006-02-02T15:58:00.000-04:00

I think this shit would be a lot more tollerable if i had any food. Since Sunday morning I've had 1 bowl of rice and 1 carrot a day. In about 30 minutes the last of the rice and carrots will be gone.

I had a massive hour long craving to smoke weed after work last night (which is usually when I blaze a gigantic cone) but instead I listened to Tom Petty and fell asleep. That's right, 24 hours sans weed and I've turned into an uber-square. I don't even fuckin' like Tom Petty. Christ!

Darts are gross and I'm glad I've attempted to stop smoking them for the eight billionth time.

Booze, fuck it, I work at a bar and I really don't see it helping any of the 3,500 nightly patrons so I think I can make it one month with out.

I get to work the first of my two twelve hour shifts in an hour. I hate my life and everything about it.

EDIT: DAY TWO CONT'D...

I figured I'd post this while the seething hatred is still ripe in my mind.

Twelve hours in a depraved hell-hole full of shittered 40 year olds isn't the best scenario to experience my bullshit, makeshift rehab in.

I don't think there's any stomache left for my stomache to eat. I did, however, get a free meal at Cheers (one of the countless joys of working a twelve hour shift) and that gave me the pep i needed to ooze around the bar for an eternity and do next to nothing, all the while wishing i was either dead, never born at all, or soon to be killed.

The enmity between myself and sobriety is quite unrelenting. This is usually cause for hours of vehement introspection. And you thought I was down on myself before... man, oh, man.

-Mykes just wanna have fun

The Shortest Month

2006-02-01T16:04:00.000-04:00

And as such it's the month I've chosen for my complete detoxification.

No darts, no doobs, no drinks for the entire month.

28 straight days carved from the bedrock of Hell itself.

Place your bets. I give myself until Friday.

-Mykesochist

.44 Smokeless Under My Head

2006-01-28T00:25:00.000-04:00

New site is in the works. It's much like a head-bag in the sense that it's chock-full of heady goodnesses. It'll have a blog so you'll always know what I had for breakfast or how often I've had a bowel movement, a section for my photo's (even some new ones... should I ever decide to get my camera fixed), perhaps a rant section so you can all share in my love of conservative minority governments or video lottery terminals and the gelatinous change-purses that pursue them, a bulletin board so you can tell me off in real time (not that the demeaning answering machine messages should stop), and a links page so you can find out about all my favourite shit, like the places where they make meat or personal grooming stores.

That's right the two or three of you lonely jerks that read this, your lives are about to get a whole lot better.

-The Almykety

O Canada, Canada, Canada

2006-01-24T14:55:00.000-04:00

We stand on guard for thee, except yesterday, election day, when the majority of us were caught off guard and because of this we now usher in the era of the armed guard. Stephen Harper and his elite team of bible-thumping holy men, second only to God himself, managed to lie their way into forming a Conservative minority government last night during Canada's 39th general election. Perhaps they just rode the tidal wave of corruption from the 12 years of the Liberal's deceit and trechery and coasted into their position under the pretense that any change is a good change; It can't get worse than Martin.

Well it just did.

41 Days, 41 Nights, 41 Years To Wear The Ball And Stripes

2006-01-17T15:37:00.000-04:00

Below are some exerpts from my tangible journal. I can hold it in my hands. It's real. It has very little, if anything, to do with ones and zeroes.

"[If they] keep me on a plane with a fucking screaming child that could outlast anything Energizer has ever powered I'll combat it with drunken belligerance! Children should not be allowed on planes. This abomination of the unity of a sperm and egg has been screaming at the top of his little pink lungs since he's sat down."

"I've arrived at Degaulle airport in Paris at about 5am EST, which is 10 or 11am here. Way too many fucking screaming children. Must smoke and purchase shotgun."

"...I decided to sit down. Upon realizing I was already seated I had startled myself back into the sitting position. Some might say that's not much of a shock, others would say it's so enormous that everything else pales in comparison, many, however, just wouldn't care."

"Technology, the precious commodity. Dependence on machinery has reversed the owner/operator roles."

"Such is the way of the airport; Prescision through panic and even then it's only a facade."

Stop Me Before I Gin Again

2006-01-15T22:18:00.000-04:00

they always run out of tonic at the after hours and i always end up drinking straight gin and they always gawk at me, some with disgust, some with admiration, some with lazy eyes and things never really get better but the don't really get worse either.

i've plateaued.

Burn The Club Scene

2006-01-14T19:47:00.000-04:00

It's Saturday, January 14th, 2006 and it's 12 degrees outside.

The Only Way To Exit Is Going Piece By Piece

2006-01-10T16:29:00.000-04:00

NDP / NPD

2006-01-04T12:53:00.000-04:00

An automated Jack Layton just called my house and wished me a happy new year. Even as a machine he's very personable.

Strategic voting does not get you the Canada you want. Elect the MP that you want to represent you.

My Name Is Inigo Montoya

2006-01-01T14:04:00.000-04:00

Say what you will about my sexual preference, I still think The Princess Bride is one of the greatest movies in the history of film.

Anybody want a peanut?

Darstrar

2005-12-28T12:29:00.000-04:00

The five degenerates that comprise Helen Of Destroy played their first show on the 27th of December in this foul year of your lord 2005 at the Absynthe in Hamilscuzz.

Those onlookers who were unfortunate enough to show up early had their faces melted and their brains boiled then poached.

25 Gallon Bukkake
I Smell Something Burning... Must Be The Precinct
Anus Is The New Vagina
Incredible Hulk
New Sun
Dirt

Fear the setlist. Respect the setlist.
For those of you who missed out on this grandiouse occasion...
GAP&FYS

Where Have All The Tasters Gone?

2005-12-19T03:40:00.000-04:00

This is my room mate Lee shortly after we extinguished some greens.

Slantier.

I don't have to work again until next year. I showed my appreciation by drinking beer and straight rum after work 'til the sun rose. During work I knocked back a couple of Coldshots w/ Adrian and Bobby in the beer fridge and Deb did a shot of Sambucca w/ me behind the bar. Killer.

A haggard/epic journey begins tomorrow.

GAP&FYS

I'm Starting A Fight Club At The Dome

2005-12-14T06:56:00.000-04:00

And I just broke the first two rules.

GAP&FYS

Is It Just Me

2005-12-13T11:41:00.000-04:00

Or do other people suck at life aswell?

Last night was the entire Grafton & Connor Group Christmas Party. It was a private function for the whole staff of the entire building (including the restaurants). With guests and all there were about 300+ people there. Not a single one of those 300 people were me.

Why, you ask, is that?

Because I can't catch a break for the life of me. Ever. Seriously, 300 fucking people and I'm the ONE person they make work Cheers, the only bar they decide to open, while everyone else is up in the Attic having a fucking blast. I had the joy of working by myself listening to idiot mouth-breathers and shrieky fucking tone-deaf chicks who get half a REV in them, squeal through some fucking Cindy Lauper song and then vomit wherever they please.

Why am I inherently everyone's stepping stone? Is there some giant beacon I'm not aware of that's constantly flashing "FUCK THIS HAIRY IDIOT OVER!" Perhaps I just look like a spineless sucker here for use at your leisure.

GAP&FYS

A Little Less Conversation

2005-12-06T15:56:00.000-04:00

I just saw Elvis driving a smart car.
Like rhinestone-fucking-jumpsuit ELVIS.
I'm gonna lay off the Absinthe at the Shoe Shop.

Alberta Let Your Hair Hang Low

2005-12-04T23:50:00.000-04:00

This can convey emotion.

I miss you.

DESTROH YEAH

2005-12-01T18:46:00.000-04:00

I failed miserably at NaNoWriMo coming in at under 11,000 words. What little time I did spend on it was mildly amusing.

Helen of Destroy is wicked.

On Sundays Drinks Are $1

2005-11-28T12:49:00.000-04:00

On Mondays nothing gets done.

I got some prints developed a couple days ago and I haven't got around to scanning any of them yet. I shot the first couple of pictures in an ongoing picture series I've entitled "The Neon Allure of Gettin' Shitty." Expect nothing new or interesting to come from that.

The film advance spool on my camera no longer advances the film so I had to make an executive decision and have it fired. He was a good spool but he had a lax work ethic. I'll see to it that a new one is hired when I'm home to celebrate the birth of our lord and saviour. Hopefully my F100 comes soon, not that I have a lens to use with it anyway.

I've been hanging out with the Newfie from downstairs too much and I have a penchant for saying "bai" now. Eh, bai?

Sweet Mother Of It

2005-11-24T16:31:00.000-04:00

THE RAIN WONT LET UP!
Follow me, bring two of every liquor; I've got an awful idea.

Come To Daddy

2005-11-20T18:19:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I sit around and listen to Mr. Bungle while finding $1,900 cameras for $350. Guess who's getting an F100?

THIS RETARD!

Dung Flings Eternal

2005-11-15T19:14:00.000-04:00

I ruined my most-recent roll of film this morning. I was rather displeased, I had attempted my first night shots on that roll and also took a bunch of pictures of a Remembrance Day memorial that was taken down last night.

I'm dumb and I smell.

Who The Cap Fit

2005-11-13T19:30:00.000-04:00

Let them wear it.

John Patch (1781-1861)

From Yarmouth, Nova Scotia, John Patch developed the first marine screw propeller. Others would make money from his inventive genius and Patch would later die in poverty.

I have a feeling this guy and Tesla are tossing lightning bolts at crooked bastards from the great wherever.