~Women's Self-esteem~

A Mom strips in public to push self-love message!

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Tue, 15 Sep 2015 18:12:00 +0000

Once again, a very brave and courageous action has been taken to prove that there are people out there that do not view the human body as a judgement call. It is however, also proof that the need for accepting who we are without prejudice is still very much an issue for many.
We read and hear that, "self-acceptance must first come from within". I totally agree, as how else can you accept who you are through the eyes of another?
There will always be doubt in the back of your mind when measuring your worth through someone else's words.

~Truly Inspirational~

Feeling less than about who you are will not change the day for anyone but you!
You are among many with your self-acceptance!
You are all alone in your self persecution!
The only one responsible for your self-acceptance is YOU!
We are human, therefore we are ALL flawed!

D

Stop webcam child sex tourism!

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 19:59:00 +0000

This video touches on a very disturbing topic.
The topic being the Internet/ Webcam Child Sex Tourism.
If you are easily offended with the reality of the serious acts of predators/pedophiles, then I do not advise you watch this video.
This video speaks for itself~

~Self-Perfection = Self-esteem~

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Fri, 17 May 2013 18:16:00 +0000

Take the message above very seriously, as it is what will determine your ability to love you.

How you see yourself through your own eyes is what will take you to a higher self-image which will in-turn raise your self-esteem. I am sharing one of my more intense articles on self-esteem with you as I feel it can never be read enough~

Self-esteem issues seems to be one of the strongest emotions that challenge many women today.
It has become a woman's first worry when she awakens, and her last worry before she sleeps.
It is said that we are all born with a natural self-esteem, but through the worlds concerns about power and control, we have been trained to worry about what others think of us and how we can please them.

We have forgotten how to love ourselves and treat ourselves with respect.

We are taught that loving ourselves is selfish and will only make us appear conceited, which will turn people off. If we are not allowed to learn how to love ourselves, then how can we learn to allow others to love us? We cannot feel love and positive esteem for ourselves if we focus all of it on others first. If we do, we then run the risk of offering all of our inner feelings to someone and not getting anything in return. At this point we begin to feel resentment, cheated and even lower in our ability to ever love again.
People that have scars from resentment and abuse are the hardest people to love. They have the highest low self-esteem walls to climb. In short, they are unreachable.

This is not a good thing at all.

When a person says in all honesty that they are suffering from a low self-esteem issue, I take that very seriously. This is a true cry for help. They are at the bottom of their pit and are asking for help to get out. They are at a point where they will expect you to love them and take care of them as they would themselves. In other words, we all know the worst thing a person can do is expect their partner to be a mind reader. Well, when a person is suffering from a low self-esteem, trust me, they do expect just that. They will expect for you to just know what they need. They only have faith in you. They have lost faith in themselves long ago and they have no recourse. This places a very huge burden on your shoulders as their partner.

This is not a good thing..........

Dorothyl

Self-Comparison...

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 20:13:00 +0000

Be happy with your uniqueness, and don't compare...

Self-comparison is one of the most common felt, not to mention dangerous, emotions. When you worry and question yourself as to whether or not you measure up, you immediately set up self-destructing roadblocks to a positive self-esteem and your own happiness.

To compare yourself with others, is indirectly questioning your own self-worth.

You are already giving in to self-destructive thoughts such as:

-I am not as pretty...

-I am not as skinny..

-I don`t have the same walk as..

-I will never be able to afford...

-I could never be as popular as...

If you were to say these things out loud or watch yourself say them in a mirror, it would not take long to hear a true lack of self-respect.

Have you ever heard that the more you tell yourself something, the more you will surely begin to believe it? Well, this is why I speak so highly of retraining your thought patterns. Whether it is positive or negative thoughts, eventually your mind will be re-trained. The key is to stay away from the negative and/or replace them with positive thoughts. The longer that you dwell on any negative thought, the more likely it will seem very true to you.

When you begin to question your own value as a human being, you are blatantly abusing your own self-esteem. Why would you ever want to do that? Self-comparison involves self-worth and uniqueness to a very high degree. Have you ever been invited to a party for an old school friend? Did you dread the thought of how you will compare to people that you used to go to high school with? It's an ugly feeling isn't it? Then why not just think about seeing old friends again? Better yet, hope that many of the friends that you shared an important time of your life with will turn up, or for that matter are even still alive.

Self-esteem through Ernestine Sheperd: BodyBuilder

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 18:22:00 +0000

Going from 20 -50 even to 70 years of age... where is it said, that, as women age, we have to stop taking care and concern of our health and our bodies?
Why do we allow our self-esteem, self-love and our confidence to be directed by outside influence?
It is no secret that in society today, we face many stereotypical challenges aside from the natural life cycles, that it does become harder and harder to feel that we have and still serve a purpose in this world.
I dedicate this post to a woman whom has taken all of those misconceptions and stereotypical ways of thinking and not only embraced the challenges but used her energies and proved them all wrong~
I would like to share with you, a special post today of an incredibly inspirational, dedicated and motivated lady~

Meet Ernestine Sheperd:....

At 75, Ernestine Shepherd is in better shape than most people, decades her junior. Up at 3 a.m. every morning, she spends her days running, lifting weights and working out. Aside all of that, she also works as a certified personal trainer at her gym.

Feeling better than she did at 40,”Bodybuilding champion Ernestine Shepherd shows us that ”being out of shape” as we age truly is merely an option — NOT a mandate! She is a role model not just for senior women everywhere, but for every one of us. . More of Ernestein

~~~~~~~~

~The key that unlocks all doors, lies inside of you~

~Only you, have the power to unlock those doors~

Dorothyl

Motivation by the letter...

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Tue, 01 May 2012 21:29:00 +0000

Need I say more... Need I expect less.... I give you the letters to become more motivated and now in turn you can give me the action in making these letters of motivation work for you.

If you choose to not take action in becoming self-motivated... you have only yourself to blame at the end of the day. It is all about making the choice and taking the steps.

I know you can do it.... now you just have to do it.

DorothyL

Self-esteem Tips

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 19:14:00 +0000

~~Our Tips for you~~

**Never let how others think, talk or what they do, define how you choose to love and accept who you are.

**Media's expectation on the beauty and sexiness of a women is nothing more than a learned behavior.

**There is no reality in that what-so-ever except the obsessed way of thinking in which you allow.

**Food is not your enemy, it is in the allowing of messages from others dictate to you, thier ideas on what perfect is~

**There is a belief that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, if there is any truth to this, you must not have your eyes open when looking at your own reflection.

**A positive self-image is vital to our own reflection, as we will never be able to see ourselves through another persons eyes, only our own.

**Self-improvement is all about those a-ha-moments and you can never overindulge in those.

** When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you will do is stretch...stretch and feel how good that feels.

**Take a long look at yourself in the mirror, give it a few minutes until you have passed the...ewwww, look at all my imperfections reaction. Then keep looking and you will notice those imperfections slowly become a familiar beauty.

**Throw out all of those so called beauty magazines...why continue to fall into the medias traps of their view on what beauty is.

** A positive balance is vital in how you feel throughout the day when thinking about who you are. So, why not focus on the good stuff about who you are~

Dorothyl~

Worry...what a waste of time~

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Tue, 17 May 2011 15:51:00 +0000

Have you ever noticed how much time is spent worrying or thinking you are just not good enough? When you allow ourselves to dwell on any negative form of thinking such as you are not good enough...you then become your own abuser. You are the only person responsible for allowing yourself to be brought down. Why would you want to be a self-abuser...give that some thought as it will help motivate you away from those thoughts of seeing yourself as being less than.

If you do not think highly of who you are, how can you expect anyone else to think highly of you?

Initially, it is what you allow to affect you, that steers your thinking towards the negative side of the road. It takes nothing more than being a bit tired or sick to lower the strong hold of your self-acceptance. So keep in check with that, meaning when you feel like your self is beating your self up.

No one person feels good about who they are all of the time. A balance is vital in how you feel throughout the day when thinking about who you are. Without balance you can either fall down, meaning a low self-esteem or fly up high, meaning an ego so bright that it blinds others, either way you are not in a healthy frame of mind. When a negative thought does take over in making you feel down about who you are, simplify it by breaking it down to small issues that you can handle. Also remember that tomorrow is a new day. Everything always looks different tomorrow because there is still hope for a better day. To worry about what is or what you cannot change wastes time again. Realize who you are and don't put more expectations on yourself than you can handle about who you are or what you can give.

~Keep in mind that ..

Worry is like a rocking chair...

It gives you something to do...

But it gets you no where~

Oh...and don't forget to just ~BE AWESOME~

~D~

Imagine that.....

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Sun, 08 May 2011 01:18:00 +0000

Imagine never having to feel that you are less than, just because you have already compared yourself down so low that you become paranoid even before your day begins.

Women...we spend way too much time worrying about if our appearance will be acceptable. We underestimate the power of our own confidence and how it affects how others see us.

When a person walks in a room...the second she smiles, is when others begin to see her clearly and accept her for her self. To walk into a room already feeling defeated creates a huge cloud of smoke that no one can see through. All they are left with is their own thoughts and imagination of who you are.

Confidence is your best friend. There is not one person on this earth that is completely happy with what they look like on the outside. This is how is is meant to be as there is no one person created in the perfect image. The only perfect image is the one that you compare yourself to. That image is gaged by how you feel about yourself. You are in a sense the creator of your own comparisons.

Instead of starting your day worrying about the things you do not like about the way you look....try challenging yourself with a little game of thought...by taking every second day in all fairness to you and pick out what you do like about the way you look.

You will be amazed at just how much you will realize how much you have to offer in just that little game.

I dare you~

~D~

Self-Esteem & it's 15 Styles of Distorted Thinking

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 15:11:00 +0000

Self-esteem is very much controlled by how one thinks, interprets, internalizes and allows others thoughts about them, to affect them.....otherwise know as, 'cognitive distortions'~

I ran across this list of different styles of exactly that. I felt compelled to share this list with you for the reason that, I believe self-awareness is a key to unlocking so many of those doors in which you find yourself either locked behind or locked out of.

To know thyself, is something that I highly recommend to everyone in order to be able maintain a healthy balance of self-esteem.

The list below is very informative and extremely thorough in helping you understand, even identify how your mind thinks, which in turn can be very beneficial to the health of your own self-esteem and balance.

~In short...I could not have compiled a better list myself ~

1. Filtering: You take the negative details and magnify them, while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. A single detail may be picked out, and the whole event becomes colored by this detail. When you pull negative things out of context, isolated from all the good experiences around you, you make them larger and more awful than they really are.

2. Polarized Thinking: The hallmark of this distortion is an insistence on dichotomous choices...eg- Things are black or white, good or bad. You tend to perceive everything at the extremes, with very little room for a middle ground. The greatest danger in polarized thinking is its impact on how you judge yourself. For example-You have to be perfect or you're a failure.

3. Over-generalization: You come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence. If something bad happens once, you expect it to happen over and over again. 'Always' and 'never' are cues that this style of thinking is being utilized. This distortion can lead to a restricted life, as you avoid future failures based on the single incident or event.

4. Mind Reading: Without their saying so, you know what people are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, you are able to divine how people are feeling toward you. Mind reading depends on a process called projection. You imagine that people feel the same way you do and react to things the same way you do. Therefore, you don't watch or listen carefully enough to notice that they are actually different. Mind readers jump to conclusions that are true for them, without checking whether they are true for the other person.

5. Catastrophicizing: You expect disaster. You notice or hear about a problem and start "what if's." What if that happens to me? What if tragedy strikes? There are no limits to a really fertile catastrophic imagination. An underlying catalyst for this style of thinking is that you do not trust in yourself and your capacity to adapt to change.

6. Personalization: This is the tendency to relate everything around you to yourself. For example, thinking that everything people do or say is some kind of reaction to you. You also compare yourself to others, trying to determine who's smarter, better looking, etc. The underlying assumption is that your worth is in question. You are therefore continually forced to test your value as a person by measuring yourself against others. If you come out better, you get a moment's relief. If you come up short, you feel diminished. The basic thinking error is that you interpret each experience, each conversation, each look as a clue to your worth and value.

7. Control Fallacies: There are two ways you can distort your sense of power and control. If you feel externally controlled, you see yourself as helpless, a victim of fate. The fallacy of internal control has you responsible for the pain and happiness of everyone around you. Feeling externally controlled keeps you stuck. You don't believe you can really affect the basic shape of your life, let alone make any difference in the world. The truth of the matter is that we are constantly making decisions, and that every decision affects our lives. On the other hand, the fallacy of internal control leaves you exhausted as you attempt to fill the needs of everyone around you, and feel responsible in doing so (and guilty when you cannot).

8. Fallacy of Fairness: You feel resentful because you think you know what's fair, but other people won't agree with you. Fairness is so conveniently defined, so temptingly self-serving, that each person gets locked into his or her own point of view. It is tempting to make assumptions about how things would change if people were only fair or really valued you. But the other person hardly ever sees it that way, and you end up causing yourself a lot of pain and an ever-growing resentment.

9. Blaming: You hold other people responsible for your pain, or take the other tack and blame yourself for every problem. Blaming often involves making someone else responsible for choices and decisions that are actually our own responsibility. In blame systems, you deny your right (and responsibility) to assert your needs, say no, or go elsewhere for what you want.

10. Shoulds: You have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act. People who break the rules anger you, and you feel guilty if you violate the rules. The rules are right and indisputable and as a result, you are often in the position of judging and finding fault (in yourself and in others). Cue words indicating the presence of this distortion are should, ought, and must.

11. Emotional Reasoning: You believe that what you feel must be true-automatically. If you feel stupid or boring, then you must be stupid and boring. If you feel guilty, then you must have done something wrong. The problem with emotional reasoning is that our emotions interact and correlate with our thinking process. Therefore, if you have distorted thoughts and beliefs, your emotions will reflect these distortions.

12. Fallacy of Change: You expect that other people will change to suit you if you just pressure or cajole them enough. You need to change people because your hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them. The truth is the only person you can really control or have much hope of changing is yourself. The underlying assumption of this thinking style is that your happiness depends on the actions of others. Your happiness actually depends on the thousands of large and small choices you make in your life.

13. Global Labeling: You generalize one or two qualities (in yourself or others) into a negative global judgment. Global labeling ignores all contrary evidence, creating a view of the world that can be stereotyped and one-dimensional. Labeling yourself can have a negative and insidious impact upon your self-esteem; while labeling others can lead to snap-judgments, relationship problems, and prejudice.

14. Being Right: You feel continually on trial to prove that your opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and you will go to any length to demonstrate your rightness. Having to be 'right' often makes you hard of hearing. You aren't interested in the possible veracity of a differing opinion, only in defending your own. Being right becomes more important than an honest and caring relationship.

15. Heaven's Reward Fallacy: You expect all your sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if there were someone keeping score. You fell bitter when the reward doesn't come as expected. The problem is that while you are always doing the 'right thing,' if your heart really isn't in it, you are physically and emotionally depleting yourself.

*From Thoughts & Feelings by McKay, Davis, & Fanning. New Harbinger, 1981.

~D~

Happy Easter~

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 23:34:00 +0000

~Believe Quotes~

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 20:03:00 +0000

“Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.”

“Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand.”

“This is the true measure of love: When we believe that we alone can love, that no one could ever have loved so before us, and that no one will ever love in the same way after us”

“Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right...Believe in you at all costs"

“There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do.”

“One will without a doubt believe whatever one repeats to oneselfenough times, whether the statement be true of false. It will become a dominating thought in one's mind...So think wisely”

- End Female Genital Mutilation~ Please do sign..

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 14:57:00 +0000

Did you know that every day, at least 8000 girls and women in the world are suffering because they have been subjected to an age-old practice called female genital mutilation?

That’s five girls every minute.

Sign a rose petal Petition - Amnesty International - End Female Genital Mutilation European Campaign

HOW DO I….?

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 22:33:00 +0000

People are continuously asking me:

How do I......

-feel better about myself?
-get over this hurt and loneliness feeling?
-stop these insecure feelings?
-stop comparing myself to others?
-find a healthy balance in my life?
-stop over eating?
-find happiness in my relationship?
-find a perfect partner?
-find a desire to move forward?
-stop old memories from ruining my present life?
-be a better person?
-fit into the 'normal' mold expected of me?
-stop worrying?
-see life through a glass half full as opposed to half empty?
-find sexual joy with my partner again?
-stop my partners addictions?

I can go on and on with the 'how do I's' in life.

I cannot do the walk for you, but I sure can help you draw out your map. In my own life and experiences of the 'How Do I's', I have worked very hard at finding answers to all of these weights that pull us down every day.

Life is life...we are all born with similar tools and we are all given a fairly good start.

What we do with our lives is really our own choices...our choices are up to us....we choose which directions to travel in our map of life.

Yes...it is that simple.

So there you have it....basically where you are right now in your mind is where you have chosen to be.

Some will say...pills are needed...therapy is needed....hmmmm!

Pills lead into more pills and in the end only succeed in clouding ones mind of the reality they need to find a certain clarity.

Therapy seems to also lead into nothing but more therapy and confusion in more cases than not. Oh, then we also have that unjustified cost attached to the time involved.

These so called cures would be more helpful if they were used as a temporary support, not as a new way of life, which unfortunately happens to most that take either route to happiness.
An addiction or even a dependency is what ends up evolving.

So what are you left with?

You are left with your own mind and your own choices. It always comes down to one person at the end of the day.

When you are falling asleep, the only person in control of your thoughts is YOU.

When you wake up in the morning, the only person in control of your thoughts is YOU.

You determine which way to think.
You determine what you feel.
You are the only person responsible for how you feel.
You know that happy is so much better and full-filling than sad.
You determine what words will be allowed to remain in your thoughts.
You are the key to your self-esteem and self-worth being healthy.

When it starts to rain, you know enough to get an umbrella to stay dry.
When you feel cold, you reach for a sweater to stay warm.
When a noise is hurting your ears, you turn it down.
When you see someone crying or hurting, you have immediate positive advice for comforting them.
When you feel sick, you call in to cancel your plans, whether it be work, school or a social outing.
Now with all of these situations, you have no problem taking responsibility of choosing the right thoughts or actions.

So why is it that we....

- fall into very bad habits of taking the hard way around?
- hold onto hurt and pain?
- want to hang onto the victim roles?
- allow our negative thoughts override our positive thoughts?
- allow what others think of us matter more than what we think of ourselves?
-preoccupy so much of our very limited time allowing sadness and memories determine our day?
-work harder at staying down then getting back up?
-sign up for all the pity parties we can find?
-look to blame anyone else for our shortcomings or downfalls?

The toughest step in reaching that happier more balanced you is to truly accept the fact that it is YOU that is the key.
Once you can actually conceive this fact, then you will be able to use your mind and your choices to move forward.

We have already determined and agreed that:

-you know whats right from wrong.
-you know how to think.
-you can react positively when necessary.
-you can choose your thoughts to determine your feelings.

So what are you waiting for now.

You have the answer..it is YOU.

It is not your partner, your parents, your children and most certainly not the media that determines your happiness and self-acceptance.

It is YOU!!!!
This is the first day in the mind of YOU!
The YOU that will make the positive choices of thought.
The YOU that will not allow the past or negative remarks determine how your day will be.
This is the first day in the mind of YOU.
You can accomplish your own happiness, if you choose to!

These are my thoughts and my words.

I choose to share them with you!

~D~

~You Are Beautiful~

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 14:54:00 +0000

You are Beautiful...yes you are...the minute you can say it, believe it and live it...is the minute you have taken back your identity and found self-love and self-acceptance~

The video below is about how one woman,' Caitlin Boyle' decided to take control of her negative talk that so many of us experience from time to time which keeps us in that rut which disables our ability to see our own unique beauty~

More interesting is that she decided to pay it forward and use post it notes to reach out and connect with women all over the world~

Click on..~Post it notes, help make women feel beautiful~

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

~D~

Faking an Orgasm..should you?

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 00:19:00 +0000

Is there something wrong with a woman that has not experienced an orgasm?

These are a couple of questions that I have been getting asked more and more, so I thought why not address them through my articles? As much as I have written this for my ladies, men you can benefit from reading this little bit of info also!

There is nothing physically wrong with women that have not experienced the big O! They simply just have not learned how. It is very much a mental exercise as well as physical. Way back when..., we were taught that it was a bad thing to touch ourselves (masturbate). That was a big wrong turn for a lot of women. I have read a lot of letters from women that tell me that they were in their late 20`s before they ever experienced an orgasm, one that they would consider an orgasm anyway. This is why I express over and over, ladies learn about YOUR BODY! Orgasms are very connected to ones mind when dealing with the female. If you are worried or tired or feeling a bit at odds with your partner, that door is definitely going to be locked, even nailed shut. It will take some work and patience to find the key to open up that mind trap.

Too many women spend way too much time worrying about orgasms. Worry only puts up the walls that will totally disable your mind to relax and float. Think of watching and waiting for water to boil. By the time it has boiled you have lost interest. Or when you are trying to call someone and the line is forever busy, that just frustrates you to no end. If you would have just carried on with something else at the time, the water would have boiled before you knew it, the phone line would be cleared, and you would be frustration free! Orgasms work in very much the same way. Do not think about them. Do prepare for them, feel your body call them, desire them, fantasize, open your mind up to a total zone of passion. Pure thoughtless passion!

Some women feel that if they do not orgasm, their partner will feel that they have failed them, or vice verse. (GUILT) There is absolutely no room for guilt or shyness in the arena of sex! This is one of the reasons women FAKE the O! It does not do any real physical harm to fake most things in life. The only one that is losing out though, is you. You are fooling no one but yourself. Then you end up feeling even worse because you pretended at a time when you should be open and real.....................................>

~D~

Sitting behind the bars of a food addiction~

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 00:01:00 +0000

There are not too many of us that do not want or think we need to lose a pound here and there. For many it is more a matter of firming it up and that is usually done with exercise. But for the people that are carrying weight around with them that is threatening their ability to walk, run, get in and out of a car, a chair at an office building or even breathe...this is a serious issue. My article is more about the need to understand yourself a bit more and to identify with why you have fallen into this addiction for food. Realize how it is destroying your self-esteem and confidence.

**I have had a weight problem all my life. But I think it is more of a pleasure problem. I think it is also a self-esteem issue. Food was always a reward in a way..like if you eat all your dinner you can have desert. Food was and still is a way of socializing ... holidays.. going out to eat.. birthdays ect. Even as a baby I am sure that I was given food instead instead of personal affection. If my partner fails to support my diet, then it is all his fault that I have failed. If my friends don't respect that I am on a diet, how can I follow it through?**

Is this you...can you fit in this thought at any time or even partially?.........

~D~

How to..Understand low self-esteem

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 23:41:00 +0000

We absorb a lot of insightful words from many different sources telling sufferers of low self-esteem how to overcome their negative thoughts through positive thoughts. This is all very well and good, except we seem to be overlooking how to help the people whom are involved with the sufferers. How do they understand what really is behind the feelings of low self-esteem and just how much it does trap a persons mind in a state of paralysis and fear of loneliness, even abandonment in some cases.
I have written this article in hopes to increase awareness and to inform the partners and family members that are involved with a person who is suffering from low self-esteem.
I have had many requests for this type of information which is a good thing. It shows that there is more support and genuine people out there working to help others find a happy place. It also tells me that all of the information available today is not being read by closed minds nor is it going unwarranted.

I am going to refer to the sufferer of low self-esteem as the receiver and the involved party, as the giver.
The giver will be able to recognize many of the following symptoms and actions as will the receiver.

Low self -esteem ..........

~D~

.Labiaplasty..Vagina of Perfection

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 23:29:00 +0000

I am sure most of you have read or heard somewhere about one of the fastest rising choices in cosmetic surgeries happening in today's world of body-image .
One being Vaginal Cosmetic Surgery (Labiaplasty) ..according to stats..there has been an estimated 30% increase since 2005. More women each year are choosing to have their labia cut and sculpted like a piece of modeling clay. They are also signing up fast and furious to have it stitched up to reduce looseness and size through what is labeled, 'Vaginal Rejuvenation'. The age groups range anywhere from 15-late 20's.

So do tell me people....where is this need to be perfect going to stop?

Self-esteem...self-acceptance....being accepted... money... popularity.... vanity.....just because I can....it is the latest fashion.....porn....prostitution....ect.

These are just a few of the reasons as to the why's of this type of cosmetic surgery, which do not differ from any other.

Just so that I am not seeming to be gender specific on the topic of drastic measures to be the 'perfect person'....I will say that women are not alone in this need to 'better themselves' trap. There are many men right there next to them. These men are constantly searching for longevity fixes (staying power), surgeries to extend their penis, pectoral glands, hair implants, ect......

~D~

The ugliness of Low self confidence~

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 22:43:00 +0000

How fine life would be if we all felt like a million dollars 24 hours a day,7 days a week! We would never, ever feeling like we have woken up in a pit, full of self confidence lows, having the energy to just jump out of bed and meet the day with loads of enthusiasm and knowing that we are going to get through the day without worries of any kind. The sun will shine all day, with just enough breeze to keep our bodies cool. Life is good, oh so good.

NOT if you are a person imprisoned by low self confidence, it so is not. Low self confidence is a very nasty characteristic to have inside us. It makes us feel weak. It makes us lose faith in our actions and dreams. It can even stop us from going forward in our lives with relationships. It allows so many ugly negative thoughts to take hold of our minds. Some will even try to escape this gripping emotion through the comfort they feel in their eating patterns. Some begin to trust the emotion that creates mistrust, in order to derail their thinking, only setting them up for a history of jealous explosions.

We begin to act selfish, constantly thinking that every action made is directed at us in some negative way or that we are the butt end of the joke when we see people laughing and happen to be looking our way. We feel that we are being compared with others. We feel we cannot ever do anything right. We see negative in every word that is said about us. We want to share our pain and loneliness, so that everyone around us can feel equally sad. We become habitual riders on the roller coaster of self-pity. We want to be the only person in the world with any good qualities. We want our partners to see only us and desire only us. We want our partners to only have fun when we are around them. We do not allow ourselves to have fun because we are allowing our selfish habit of low confidence to stand in our way. Notice all the WE`s in this paragraph.........

~D~

Mind Games~

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 20:53:00 +0000

Have you ever been caught up in a thought that will not let you out? Escape is not an option. What was a simple drip in your pool of thoughts, quickly turned into an ocean of tidal waves rolling into each, over and over again.This is what it feels like to not have positive control over your mind.

Our minds often repeat hurtful thoughts or scenarios over and over, even when we’d much rather let them go. If you start really listening to your inner voice, you are probably dwelling on the past, remembering how someone may have let you down, or how much anger you still hold back from being hurt. If you fear the challenges that are waiting for you, or you are ashamed at where you are now in your life as compared to where you had planned on being, these fears will definitely be in line to play the mind game on you. All of these insecure or hurtful emotions that you once tucked away will come back to play when the game begins. Only when they come back, you will not recognize them. This is your first bad move. Now the mind game begins.

The game is of the mind, to confuse you in your thought process. When your mind is triggered even slightly by a word, a picture, or even a look, what we want to do is to think positive, nice, sweet and safe thoughts. If you have the slightest opening in your mind, the game will begin. It will take a thought and wait for your first emotional weakness. Then it will twist that thought and magnify it so that it feeds on that weakness and sends you into that ugly world of negative thinking.

You would give anything to shake off these negative thoughts, but we all know so well that it’s easier said than done. Instead, you struggle through your day feeling like you are a freak and that if you do not get a grip on this mind game, and soon , you will explode. All that you want, is to be free of negative thoughts and be happy all the time.

You spend a lot of time thinking over negative feelings and sulking over regrets and misfortunes. The worst part is that the more you try to end this horrible game that twists your brain so tight, the worse it gets. You will try to avoid your hidden shames and worries, or drown them with alcohol or drugs. All that happens when that little fix-it ends, is that the mind game becomes stronger. New thoughts continue, the game attacks again only to turn those thoughts against you. You can feel them escalate into negative scenarios in your mind, but at this point powerless. The power of the game is winning and you are now in the believing stage of the game. Your mind now believes your negative thoughts. You are forced to react, and through this reaction the mind game soars and takes over even further. Now it not only controls you, but it has also taken control of your entire world and whoever is in it at the time. You collapse from the draining feeling of failure once again. You feel that you will never be able to win this mind game. You feel that you will be a pawn for the rest of your days on earth. A doormat and a bug to stepped on over and over again, because of your inability to gain strength and take control of your positive mind. So why not just give in? Why not just bow down whenever you fail to think positive thoughts? Well, I will tell you why you do not want to do that!

You are a human being with a heart and a brain. You were given the ability to feel emotions. Emotions such as: self-respect. self-esteem, humor, love, laughter, sexuality, self-confidence, but most of all, you were given intelligence and the will to survive. You were given the gift of life. Those are the reasons to fight. How to fight, is also right there in front of you.

You are already aware of the mind game. Most of you have played it so long that you should be the champions by now. I have talked about habits many times and I will keep talking about them. Through habits you can defeat many of those mind games. Try to simplify your thoughts. The stronger the game tries to twist them, the harder you work to shrink them.

I read about an interesting way to look at this. Think of your thoughts as a pop-up ad on your computer. You see it and then you don`t. Or it pops up and you simply delete it without giving it a second thought. Even if it was a negative pop-up, you spend no time at all analyzing where it came from, you simply carry on with what you were doing. This is a good way to play, and win the game. Also another way to play and win, is when your thought begins to twist through the negative game, start to vocalize it. Sing it quietly to yourself, or hum outloud. This will confuse the game, and throw it off track. Immediately when you get a thought that seems to be fair game, think of something very funny or a very sad movie that made you cry. A very good habit is to change your thought track. The game cannot keep up when the track is jumped. Be aware that your mind is a game field, but you have to play it in order to win. If you do not play, you will lose by defeat. SAD!!! So my words to you is this : KICK IT`S BUTT!!!!!!!

**********************************

It is your imagination that constructs

the limitations you see,

so use imagination

to get rid of them.

- Anonymous

***********************************

If you act like you are a powerful person,

then powerful things will

happen to you!

~D~

Does your weight determine your self-esteem?

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 20:34:00 +0000

Confidence and self-esteem. Is it because women are not of the ideal weight or is it truly a mind set? I cannot seem to write enough about self-esteem.

Women that can see themselves from the inside out are the ones that exude a certain amount of confidence that money or plastic surgery can never buy.

Women that only see themselves from the outside in will never reach that true confidence. They will continue to buy into what the market is selling as the latest fountain of youth and beauty!

Another example of true confidence is found in our children. Uninhibited and unaware of their confidence, they go through their day not worrying about how they look in their clothes or if their hair is acceptable. They do not look outside of themselves for any type of false confidence.

If only more women would have the strength to think and realize that their self-esteem is not all about their outer skin. But for some strange reason they choose to allow society to get under their skin and taunt them with the ideals of the perfect type of women.

If I have recognized one thing in amongst women, it is that confidence, self-esteem or self-worth know no body shape or size. A womens body weight does not determine her true self.

Nor are all thin, pretty women cynical and shallow. Unfortunately there are cynical women in every shape and form. I have heard women that were overweight tear other women apart with no mercy. They did this out of either pure envy and or jealousy, no other reason. No matter what our weight, we are all up against the wall of ridicule and criticism at some time in our lives.

My X-husbands family, were of the old foreign country and constantly made me feel less-than acceptable for being thin. They continually made remarks that I was too thin to breast feed my babies. If my child cried, it was instantly due to my weight and how I was starving my child. At that time I was too young to even think of fighting back.

I would also like to add that cruelty and vanity is amongst every size.

We need to focus on our own inner peace and love for ourselves. It is, after all our spirit that never grows old, just our bodies. We must learn to realize and accept this. Also never forget that a pretty picture is just that, and nothing more.

Many women feel that they have to do things to make others accept them. I am sure we have all fallen into that trap more than once in our lives in some regards. How many of you have bowed down to another's idealism to find that you were still not acceptable. It truly goes to show you that you really should only please one person, that being you. We cannot please all of the people all of the time. I was told that once and I heeded that warning for many years.

How will you know how to please your loved ones the right way, if you do not learn how to please yourself first? Your self-esteem is only low because you have allowed yourself to worry about pleasing others. When it does not please them, you feel weakened inside and very inadequate, which in turn scars you deep inside. Then and only then do you begin to learn a very important lesson.

This lesson being to:

Hug yourself

Love yourself

Please yourself

Better yourself

Smile at yourself

Care for yourself

Take pride in yourself..

How many times are you going to let someone put you down and tear you apart before you stand up and state your rights; your rights as a human being, your rights as a UNIQUE woman. You are you! Be proud of who you are. Walk with confidence. Show your confidence and never allow anyone to put you down because of how you look.

Remember also on this same note: be careful to not be the person criticizing another for how much a person weighs, too much or too little in your opinion. This is a very negative thought process, one you do not want to fall into. This negative thought process will only strengthen your low self-esteem and make you feel very low in self-worth.

We spend too much time investing our feelings into people that only take them at face value.

We spend too much time worrying about what he or she may think about us.

We spend too much time comparing ourselves.

We spend too much time not putting positive ideas into play.

We spend way too much time worrying about things we cannot change or control.

We must stop wasting so much of our limited time on nonsensical issues.

Sometimes I wish I could speak every language there is known to man. Maybe then I can penetrate every woman's mind with positive thoughts. But would that work? Does anyone actually read my thoughts and hear them? Am I writing all of this just to fill a page? Do you think I am making all of this up for my own benefit?

Well I am not doing this for any other reasons except to share my own experiences and research on how women can rebuild a lost self-esteem, or simply strengthen their weak self-esteem. I know only too well how lonely that negative world can be, not to mention how very hard it is to find that light at the end of the tunnel, never mind actually reach it.

Being human is certainly a challenge of errors, but we are here and we must make us, the best person we can. Your weight does not determine who you are. It does however determine your health, in saying that...if your weight is going to concern you in any way....let it be for reasons of health and do something about it. When we feel healthy, we feel good about everything inside and out! 'If you can't change your weight to meet your ideal height, then perhaps you can change your idea image to meet your weight.' Please yourself and then you will glow with high self-esteem.

There is no other better feeling than feeling good about you!

-D-

Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else"

-Judy Garland

Is there a quick fix for low self-esteem?

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 20:24:00 +0000

There are so many reasons for ones self-esteem to be weak and hard to rebuild. We have our parents way of raising us, peer pressure at school, pressures at our work place that expect us to succeed with speed of light, society`s view on the perfect person and body type, our children's expectations of a perfect parent and last but not least our partners wants and desires.

All of these are strong contributors in knocking our self-esteem around until we can barely find a hope to hang onto. Now we are at the bottom of our pit of weakness and we begin the search to survive. The search may be through a therapist, reading tons of articles or books, searching the Internet for a site that will answer all our problems in a heart beat, only to find that we are right back at square one in the first challenge to our strength.

Why is that? Why can we not find that quick fix we all look for? Why do we have to work at it? Why do we have to wait for it? Why is it not as simple as fixing ones computer or car? Why is it when I think about my past and I fill in the blanks with all the people that I have to blame for my low self-esteem, I am still weak and frustrated? Why is it when I have one good day and feel on top of the world, does it come crashing down the next? Why is it that when I read self-esteem articles they sound so convincing at that minute, but then again, I fall back into my rut? Why, when I go into self-esteem sites, do they charge for e-books and when I finally read them, they sound like everything else that I have read, or have thought of myself? Why does low self-esteem not happen to everyone? Why can`t I just wake up and feel good about myself?

Questions! Questions!

I have a real hard truth for you. The answer to almost every question that you have just read is YOU! You are the answer to every thought that runs through your mind. The reason that so many factors can be contributors to ones low self-esteem, is because YOU have learned to allow it. Some where in your life, somehow, you allowed your self-esteem to be put down and it really is as simple as that.

We all know that to be human is to naturally error at some point, even many points in our lives. This will also explain why a select number have fallen into the pit of low self-esteem. Everyone chooses different errors, so for the many of us that have allowed our self-esteem to be weakened we are now faced with how to strengthen it.

Again I go back to YOU, it is up to you. I can write 1000 articles and even build you a bridge with lights and arrows and signs to show you the way, but if YOU do not take that first step, then YOU will never find the answers. In order for you to battle all of the contributors that I have mentioned earlier, you need to strengthen your self-worth. You must know and feel that you are just as good as any other human being on this earth. I do not care what others may say about you or to you. If you know deep inside of you that you are their equal, then nothing they say can or ever will hurt your self-esteem.We have all had to bear the scars that we received through our lives, and we all have to learn to put them in the past. What was, is exactly that; past tense, gone. There is really nothing that we can do to change where we came from or what our challenges have been. What we need to focus on is right here and right now. This being the present YOU!

There are websites out there and many therapist that are selling you promises of quick fixes for cash. There are tons of books and e-books, all telling you how to create a new you. Just by the amount of women coming into my site, I can tell that none of these are working for them. Again the reason is YOU!

I can buy you the most expensive car in the world, but unless you can drive it, it is worthless to you. So learn to drive it, learn to rebuild your self-esteem. Do not wait for someone to offer you a gift. You have already been given that gift at birth. I have spoken of the gift of life and how so many of us abuse that gift. Allowing contributors to stomp on your thoughts of who you are is a total neglect to your gift of life.

Your self-esteem has taken a long time to fall weak. It does not happen over night. A heart attack rarely happens overnight. There are many contributing factors that set it up for the initial attack. Once a person has survived a heart attack, they have to work very hard and it takes a long time to rehab back to health and maybe, if they are lucky enough, they will reach half of their actual strength. Your self-esteem will take time and energy to rebuild. You must commit to yourself that you will work very hard to maintain a good feeling about YOU!

It is not hard, but it does take persistence and self discipline. If you do not care about yourself, then you will fail every time. That is a fact.
If you honestly want to find that good feeling about you again, then you can get back there. I say back there, because we were all happy when we were first born and somewhere along that life line, we lost our feeling of goodness. Being lost is a good thing because it means that it is not totally gone, just misplaced.
So together we can find that YOU that was so secure and safe just being YOU. Once you have reached that commitment then you will start to fall in love with yourself again.

You will look for and appreciate all of the little things that make you who you are, such as:
-the color of your hair and eyes -the shape of your ears, and your nose -the way your smile shows your teeth -the laugh lines that only you have when you smile -the birth mark that no one else has -the way you walk -the sound of your voice -your own very personnel laugh -how you feel when someone hugs you -how you smell -your little personality quirks but most of all - how you feel about you. This positive feeling will give you an internal glow of confidence!
These are things that make you special and set you apart from all the other people in the world. People that are no better than you. Different yes, better? Not a chance, unless of course you ALLOW yourself to think that way.

Just because you cannot control or fix everything around you, it has no bearing on who you are and how you feel about yourself unless you ALLOW it to.

Just because somewhere way back in your past, someone told you that you were not as good as someone else, does not mean you are not. It only means that, if you ALLOW it to mean that.

Just because your boss thinks that you should be farther up that corporate ladder, it does not make you a lesser person unless you ALLOW it to.

Just because there are younger, thinner, more educated, richer, taller, or even double jointed people out there, that does not make you less than them, unless you ALLOW it to.

Just because you might be having a bad day does not mean that you have to make it 2 bad days, unless you ALLOW it to.

Just because you spend hundreds of dollars trying to find quick self-esteem fixes and fail, this does not mean you should give up unless of course you ALLOW yourself too.

Can you see a pattern here yet?
Can you see how YOU are the operative factor here?
Can you see how YOU alone are in control of what and who you ALLOW into your thought control?

Remember who the most important person in your life is...it is YOU!
Never...ever....ever....ever let anyone take that away from you!

~D~

Body Image

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 19:55:00 +0000

Q = Question asked

A = Typical answer

*******************

Q: What is your Body Image on a scale of 1-10?
A: 5

Q: How much time do you spend on improving your body image?
A: As much time as I can.

Q: How often do you worry about the battle of the perfect body?
A: Whenever I see another women I feel threatened by.

Q: What is your idea of a perfect body?
A: Someone tall, thin with good proportions. (not too big breasts, firm butt)

Q: How badly do you want to fit in?
A: So badly that I would have cosmetic

Q: How do you picture yourself?
A: Boring, not attractive by society`s standards. Definitely overweight.

Q: How do you feel being in your body?
A: I feel good being me until I see someone out there that I would much rather be.

Q: How do you think others see you?
A: They see me as I see myself.

Q: Do you want to look like Society's picture of the ideal body?
A: Yes, who wouldn't?

Hmmmm, do you feel this way about your body image?

Why are so many women in today's world so confused at how they should feel? Where have we lost our desires and contentedness in just being who we are? Why do we go over the line in our need to be perfect at what we do or how we look? The answers to these questions can be many.

Lets start with pornography, and media's idea of that perfect body image. These are two of the strongest body image addictions off our world and they both focus on the female body.

Pornography is giving the illusion of being desired, of importance and of acceptance; all of the wrong attention a women should desire. It Leaves them feeling used and worthless. When did we as women lose our control in how we see our bodies? When did we begin to hate our bodies to the point of paying huge amounts of dollars to cosmetic surgeons? With all the freedoms of our world today in our society, why do we allow ourselves to be slaves to this myth that only beauty can determine our self-worth? Still so many questions and so few answers.

Women are starving themselves and their children. They are bouncing from diet to diet, practicing gorging and purging. They are becoming even more obsessed with getting rid of what makes them a female by nature, their voluptuous bodies with it's curves and suppleness. Are we dieting ourselves literally to death? The phrase of , "Dieing to fit in" comes to mind. As I mentioned in the beginning of this paragraph, children are being starved. Yes our own negative body image is corrupting our children's ideas of what body image is all about. Our children do not even have a chance to overpower what we ourselves have allowed to control us. They will only know what they are taught. They will be bred into "the world of fashion" and "to be thin is in". Do we want our children to grow up in the miserable prison of low self-worth that we are battling with even now? I think not.

In a recent poll by People Magazine, it is said that 80% of women stated that women on television, and magazines ads make them feel very insecure about their body image. It is also said that approx. 10% of females (all ages) in the USA are suffering from a diagnosed eating disorder ranging from, body isomorphic, anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and another very horrible illness know as severe depression. Lets not forget that these illnesses lead to death for many of the victims.

A very sad picture, is what I am seeing. I have mentioned so many times in my articles that our world today has turned into a money sucking machine. Money is so the root of all evil! We are told that if we want to be the perfect body image, we have to look like this or walk like that. Grrrr. Makes me crazy.

When are we, as women, going to wake up and stop allowing someone that has never met us, to dictate to us what we should look like to feel better?When are we going to say no to the world that is working over time to sell, sell, sell? They are selling us, right down the river. We are buying into their game and they are winning. Every where we look our minds are brainwashed with images of the perfect body . How are we ever going to overpower this corruption of our minds? Every time I read a woman's desperate cries regarding how depressed she is because she feels that her husband is comparing her to a perfect body image, all I can feel is that again we are losing the battle. Women continue to fall victim to the lies and misinterpretations of what real beauty is. We must end this world of total bogus idealism's and do our own thinking.

Let us get back to basics. The basics of just being a unique person. The basics of feeling good about who we are no matter what others think. The basics of just striving to be healthy. The basics of knowing that we are all here for a reason, and that alone makes us a very important person. A persons external beauty will never outlast their inner beauty. Our external body image will fall and age. It is what's inside of us that will continue to grow and live life as it is meant to be lived. Life is there for us to enjoy. No one else on earth can be you! You are a very special individual. Your lips are yours and no one else's. Your hips are also yours and no one else has them. You are your very own body image!

You are a beautiful woman and you can feel good about you, if you would just start to understand that all the hype about the perfect body image is just that, Hype, to sell. Hype to take our money and fool us into believing what they want us to believe. It is pure garbage! So every time you see these so called perfect body images, smile and say, "Yes, but I am the real one and there is no one like me, there are thousands like you". Save your worries and your money and say NO to the media and its so called 'perfect body image'. Say YES to holding your head up high and walking with confidence. A confidence that will raise your self-esteem to its highest peaks. A confidence that will reveal a whole new sexual you. Ladies every time we do not feel good about our bodies, we are denying ourselves the freedom of dance, the taste of good food, and the ability to be a free spirit. To live, laugh and love. How can we do any of that when we waste so much of our time on earth worrying about our body image?
So lets change the world that we live in and remember, There is strength in numbers. We just have to walk the walk!

Now go and respect yourself and be proud to be a woman!

~D~

Control~Who's controlling who~

noreply@blogger.com (Relationships) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 19:46:00 +0000

...exactly who is controlling who?

I have a few questions that will most definitely stir up some deep inner thoughts! They will also give you an idea of just how controlling your relationship is or could be. No one likes to be in a relationship where they feel controlled by their partner, it is very unhealthy and usually ends up being very unhappy. There truly is a fine line between love and hate when there is a controlling partner in the relationship. The only person that we have any right to control is ourselves!

Life is too short to settle for anything especially when it comes to relationships. There is way to much to risk when it comes to matters of the heart. For warned is for armed...I have always believed that fact to be very true. Relationships are one of the most valued parts of our lives and we invest a lot of our minds and souls into them. So why would you not want to be 100% prepared before you take that initial step into waters that could be so treacherous and overwhelming?

How many people fall for another instantly because of looks or a social atmosphere at the time? Too many. So to have a list of questions to ponder will not only awaken what is going on in your relationship right now, but they will also be very effective in preparing you for what you should not ignore or settle with in your future relationships.

These questions are designed to challenge your.......

~D~

XWG8B2R79E4T