This shouldn’t have happened. None of this.

I hope that all of these boys can find their happiness again real soon.

When you’re deep enough into a fandom, it’s natural to have some powerful memories related to it. You put so much emotion into it that you draw associations to certain periods or moments in your life when the fandom was significant to you, or you might easily recall all of the details of a fandom-related moment. From learning about an important piece of fandom news, to finally getting your hands on a wanted piece of merchandise, to seeing your idols live for the first time, anything can become a cherished memory of your time in a fandom - or a painful memory you’d rather just forget.

The following are three of my personal memories related to my Super Junior fandom. All of them occurred in 2007, my first year in the fandom, and the year in which I spent the most time on these boys. While I have plenty of other Suju-related memories, I feel that these three are probably the most significant. And surprisingly, none of them particularly feature Heechul.

1) Finding out about Kyuhyun’s accident. I think it’s okay to refer to it as “Kyuhyun’s” accident when he was the one most badly injured by it, and the one who was out of commission for the longest as a result of it. In April of 2007, four members of the group - Shindong, Eunhyuk, Leeteuk, and Kyuhyun - were in a serious car accident that left Leeteuk and Kyuhyun particularly injured. The two of them missed out on participating in Suju’s movie, Attack on the Pinup Boys, and Kyuhyun also missed out on the summer SMTOWN activities for the year. Instead of finding out about this in front of a computer, as most overseas fans probably did, I actually found out while out shopping. I was spending an afternoon at the Asian mall I sometimes shop at with my best friend, and we bumped into a girl I know from school, and while browsing my favourite CD store, she informed me of the accident. It was almost surreal to hear about it, and horribly upsetting to learn while away from a computer; I couldn’t read up on the details until I got home. Moreover, I was standing in front of a shelf full of Super Junior CDs. Looking at Kyuhyun’s face on the “U” single, it was terrifying to think that at that moment, he was lying in a hospital with broken ribs. I still think it’s kind of crazy that I found out about it while at a store that sells Super Junior’s CDs instead of just at home online, so it’s a fandom memory that sticks with me.

2) Kyuhyun coming back. Considering what a big deal the accident was and how badly Kyuhyun was injured, his return was an equally big deal to Suju fans. When the first pictures and videos of him out of the hospital leaked, he looked a little bit skinnier, but no less beautiful - and the latter also goes for his voice, as we were able to see a video of him singing at a church. That said, I still wasn’t certain whether or not he was going to participate in the first single off Super Junior’s second album. So when the first promotional shot of the members’ silhouettes was revealed on their official website, my first thought was to count the silhouettes - and there were thirteen. Thrilled, I went to my room, popped my copy of Super Junior-T’s “Rokkugo!!!” single into my stereo, and danced around like a mad woman to the title track. Twice. It was truly a terrific feeling to know that he was really coming back.

And of course, finally seeing him step out on stage and sing his line in their comeback performance was a moment that probably made most Suju fans cry, myself included.

3) Receiving my copy of The Second Album. Fall 2007 was really the peak in my Suju fandom - it’s not that I love them any less now, but rather, they were still new and exciting to me back then, so I spent a great deal of time and energy on them - so naturally, I had The Second Album pre-ordered. On the day it arrived, that September, I wasn’t having the best day, but I tried to put on a brave face to show my family when I got home after school. However, the apartment was empty, which would make it a lot easier for me to deal with my mood. So I walked into the den to turn on my computer, as I always do first thing when I get home. I was greeted by none other than Kangin’s bald head on top of my laptop; an empty house and my copy of the album were waiting for me. I pretty well immediately started to cry, just letting out my feelings from the day, and feeling thankful to have received this gift of sorts from my boys when I was down in the dumps. The order’s timing could not have been more appropriate. I sat down in my room and went through the photo booklet, ceasing my crying only when I got to Shiwon’s chocolate abs - because you really can’t cry looking at those. My day could only go up from there.

Some may say that fandom is a waste of time, and that it’s silly to become so emotionally invested in something like a boy band. But as long as it’s a positive force in your life, and it doesn’t take away from your reality, I see no reason not to enjoy the fantasy world of fandom to the fullest. Super Junior are still an important fandom to me now, nearly three years after I first got into them, so these memories have not yet lost their significance to me, and they probably never will. As I have lived my life, the members of Suju have lived theirs; though we do not know each other, we have lived side by side in this world. I tend to see the relationship between fans and the subjects of their fandoms in this way, and I personally think it’s a very heartwarming way of looking at things. On some scale, fans and their idols will always be there for each other, and we will always play a role in each other’s memories.

So now that I’ve gone off on that tangent, I’ll wrap this up. Hey, everybody: what are your most cherished (or upsetting) fandom memories?

While the fact that there is little English language information on Thai pop artists to go on may be a valid complaint, it really could be worse: since new music videos are regularly uploaded to Youtube, at the very least I can follow my dear Faye Fang Kaew’s latest releases. (That said, I happened upon a couple of English articles about them last night and discovered that all three members of the group are YOUNGER than I am, and the always hot Kaew is only SIXTEEN. My mind, it has been blown.) In any case, when I discovered and clicked on FFK’s “Your Girl” the other night, I noticed a result in the related videos featuring a screencap with a very Kpop girl group look to it. That group is Seven Days, and the song is called Luv. My interest was further caught when I saw that one of the group’s members is none other than Faye of FFK! Faye in a larger girl group with a cutesier image? Congratulations, Seven Days, you have now convinced me to watch your music video!

Now I don’t want to just snark on this group and completely shoot them down, but when you’ve got a member of a group I love in your midst, it’s going to be hard for me not to compare you with them. And really, this Seven Days cannot come close to the epicness that is Faye Fang Kaew. FFK are three energetic, spunky, even quirky girls with absolutely cracky music videos and ridiculously catchy songs, not to mention talent. Seven Days, who appear to be some kind of special group put together by Kamikaze, the agency/record label they’re all under (if I am correct in going on what little information I have), are pushing the cutesy Kpop girl group image hardcore, to the point that I want to just lump them in with T-ara and Twiny and all of those other identical cutesy new Kpop groups in my head (we’re ignoring the identical hip hoppy Kpop girl groups here, for the record). (They rap too, though, like every other Kpop girl group these days. The cutesy Kpop girl groups rap now too, so this changes nothing.) Honestly, from these outfits to the background of the dance shot in their MV, everything screams cutesy Kpop. What’s more, Luv’s instrumental sounds to me like they took the instrumental to the Wonder Girls’ Nobody and just changed parts of it. The beat is pretty much spot on, and there are other elements that sound similar to me as well.

Faye is the only member I feel compelled to care about, since I already care about her. The rest of them just look like everybody else to me. It is pretty endearing that that one girl seems to have braces, though. And I have to point out this girl:

…because she looks like AKB48’s Takajo Aki.

Y/N? (Say yes. Thank you.) I saw the resemblance in the MV, too, so she is the Takajo girl, the end.

Moving on.

The song is pretty generic and typical, but I have to admit that after watching the full SIX MINUTE LONG VIDEO (oh come on, are you serious?), I did find myself singing “LA-LA-LA-LA-LUV YOUUU” in my head for awhile. The singing isn’t noteworthy. It’s an underwhelming song that’s disappointing both because it’s so underwhelming and it’s unoriginal, whereas FFK songs are anything but. The music video is really the only reason to give this release any attention, though that doesn’t mean I’m particularly fond of it either. The dance routine looks a bit off to me - ie. not very good - and the MV isn’t particularly groundbreaking.

There is something to be said about this MV, though. The storyline is pretty generic in that each of the girls gets an individual scene with a male lead. But while most of these MVs that we’ve seen involve all of the girls chasing after the one guy, Seven Days take a different approach. Instead of being a heartthrob from the beginning, our male lead starts out as something of a nerd, who after buying Seven Days’ calendar finds one of the girls popping into his apartment each day to help him become more of a stud in one way or another. They give him new clothes, cut his hair, teach him to eat healthier food and exercise, shoot his new default picture for his online profile, teach him “I love you” in a bunch of different languages, and have him swap his game controller for a guitar. Although they give off kind of a fairy godmother vibe in how happy they are to help him out, I also got the distinct impression of the mothering girlfriend at one point. Anyway, at the end of the MV the new, cool hero goes to get the members’ autographs at an event, and they greet him with very indifferent expressions. But when he turns around they all start giggling and squealing, and he looks down to see that they’ve written “U look so cute!” on his CD. Then they’re all happy.

The very ending is actually my favourite part of the MV, when they throw in the bonus shots of each of the girls teaching him the dance. It’s the only part that feels genuinely fun to me.

It’s kind of a frustrating storyline, because even though it’s a variation on the typical “each member of the girl group gets her shot with the guy” MV, it’s a shallow one. Transforming the stereotypical “nerd” into the stereotypical stud? Hey, Seven Days, some people actually want to get into the nerds’ pants, too. It’s annoying that they’re reaffirming these BS stereotypes that there shouldn’t even be any room for in our world, so it makes the whole PV look a little ridiculous to me. And yeah, most of the girls are cute, and it’d be nice to have cute idols popping out of my calendar and helping me to change my life. But if I have awesome black-rimmed glasses, for the love of personal style, don’t take them away! (Sadly I don’t have any, though. They would never suit me. Tear tear.)

And I’ve got to say, this MV is way too long. Six minutes? Come on, people are getting bored of the song by now. Seriously. It feels like they really rushed the last couple of girls’ scenes with the guy at the end of the song; they could have done a better job with spacing everything out.

If you care to know any of these girls’ names and check out what they’ve done outside of Seven Days, just watch the MV; it introduces all of them at the beginning.

Closing thoughts on Seven Days:

YOU LOOK LIKE A TAKAJO AKI (on the left)

and,

Faye still pwns you all.

<3

Oh by the way…

SEVEN DAYS!

I had to, I couldn’t help myself.

I’m also pretty sure that I’m going to bring back my Koi Kana cosplay that I wore to Anime North in 2007. I’ve been wanting to wear it again ever since, but I’ve always wanted to wear something new and different to every convention since then. Koharu graduating seems like the perfect excuse to finally pull it out again. Plus, there’s a convention the month she’s graduating, so the timing will be apt. I’m going to have to mend some parts of the outfit; a part of the skirt started to rip by the end of the AN weekend, and a couple of the bead strings need to be resewn, and I need entirely new footwear to go with the outfit since the old shoes are too dirty now and the stockings wore out. I don’t mind doing those things though, because the outfit is worth it, and that’s still way less work than I had to do to put it together in the first place, anyway. It’ll be a nice little project to work on when I need to take a break from my college assignments.

Anyway, including this week there are eleven weeks until Koharu graduates. There are ten songs on Mitsuboshi, so I’ll do one song a week, and one week I’ll do something else. I’m kind of in the mood to try groupdubs right now, and I’ve actually signed on to do one on Stage 48 next month, so the duets in particular should be fun! But of course I’m going to love singing all of the Mitsuboshi songs, particularly my favourite of all of Koharu’s songs, the appropriately titled “I miss you”.

So! Without further ado, here’s the first track off Mitsuboshi, the one and only “Balalaika”, to kick things off! Hope you enjoy!

The picture in the background of the video is of me in my Koi Kana cosplay at Anime North 2007, posing with a Balalaika cosplayer I bumped into! Her outfit was amazing. Mine was kind of falling apart at that particular moment…oh well!

Mitsuboshi Song Project Track 1: Balalaika

Koharu has been my favourite current Momusu pretty much since I got into the fandom; she was second to Gaki at first, but she quickly surpassed her, and no one else has ever threatened her spot. Now that I no longer have the affection for Aibon and Nono that I once did, I think it’s safe to say that Koharu is my favourite member of Momusu ever. At first I only heard her solo lines in singles and believed her to be a particularly good singer, but even once I’d discovered her not particularly impressive idol voice, I still loved her. I bought her first two solo albums without a second thought and cosplayed her Koi Kana outfit for Anime North in grade ten. I’ve always appreciated her hyper, Tsukino Usagi-like personality, how much she plays that up for her Kirari character, and also the other side of things, the more mature persona she began to portray in Momusu as time went by. Seeing how she fit into the group was always really exciting to me, as both she and Momusu as a whole grew, developed, and changed. I’ve wanted to write entries about why she’s my favourite so many times, but I’ve just never known how to start (and I’ve tried).

Now, I’ve endured a lot of shock in my idol fandoms in the last year or so. I am an AKB48 fan. From scandal trauma to graduation trauma to the reshuffling of all of AKB’s teams, I’m basically at the point where nothing is really going to surprise me anymore. That said, it was still pretty damn upsetting and shocking when I heard that Koharu is graduating from H!P. It was early in the morning and I was eating breakfast when I checked Twitter, and it really felt like the bite of my sandwich that I was chewing just suddenly lost its flavour. I wondered how in the hell I was going to enjoy myself hanging out with Wendy and going to Japanese class that day. And then I came up with this quote, but that’s another story. (Never going to get sick of that meme.)

Koharu is FAR from being the member I would have expected to graduate next. I really didn’t give this any thought before, because I haven’t exactly been involved in the Momusu fandom recently; I keep up with their latest releases and occasionally watch some extra stuff, but AKB is the fandom that I’ve been really spending my time on. That said, I feel like JunJun or Mittsi would be more plausible graduates. I can see JunJun giving up and going back to China, or Mittsi going back to focusing on school. And then I would consider the Gokkies next, followed by Eri or MAYBE Sayumi. Koharu is probably the LAST person I would have expected to graduate at this point in time. She’s young, she’s only been in the group for four years (which is a long time, but not compared to how long the remaining Gokkies have been around), and I feel that she’s found her place in the group and and that she performs as a member of Momusu with maturity and grace. Hell, she was performing like that two years ago: just look at her confident smiles in Onna ni sachi are. She was already a pro at this back then.

She could have spent three or four more years in the group just fine, with no complaints from anyone. I think this doesn’t only speak for Koharu’s skills as an idol, but for the topic of idol age in general. Koharu’s seventeen, no longer much of a loli but still a teenager, not as mature as the legal adults of Momusu yet. That’s a great age for an idol to be, in my opinion. It’s definitely not old enough that her being an idol seems silly. Her age is probably one of the biggest reasons why I’m surprised by her graduation, actually. I’m always more surprised when a younger member of an idol group graduates. But the thing is, I still see idols who are my age as being the “younger members,” and that’s not really true anymore. I’m eighteen now, and plenty of younger idols have graduated from AKB in the last year. I still relate to these young idols now, but I’m growing closer in age to the older set of idols, something which I haven’t entirely wrapped my head around. An idol my age graduating really doesn’t make her very young to be graduating at all; besides, I should be used to young idols graduating by now, after all I’ve seen as an AKB fan. Still, Koharu? Seventeen and seemingly thriving in her position in the group? It seems crazy to me.

I’ve read a little of what Wendy had to say about this, and I do agree with her point that Momusu have recently appeared to be trying to present themselves as more of a legit group of singers than an idol group. Where I disagree with Wendy is her point that Sayu did a better job in Nanchatte Renai than Koharu did, in terms of PV performance; Koharu’s facial expressions do come across as a bit awkward sometimes, but I still see enough confidence, poise, and knowledge about how to work what she’s got there that I don’t see her performance in the PV the way that Wendy does. And as for the actual vocal quality of the lines, neither Koha nor Sayu sounded like good singers in that song, making both of them stick out in a song that otherwise showcases strong vocal abilities. I can see how Sayu pulls off more mature performances than Koharu, but ultimately I don’t think one can really say that Sayu fits into a legit artist Momusu better than Koharu does. At the end of the day, no producer of a legitimate musical group in their right mind would allow Sayu to be a member; she could only get away with being in an idol group. (I will say that the Wonder Girls might disprove this belief, since everybody there seems to be vocally talented except for Sohee, but since I see that so rarely outside of the J-idol world I don’t really believe that it would fly elsewhere based on that one exception.)

Hell, Mittsi and JunJun wouldn’t fit into a serious singing group, either. I’d say that LinLin could based on the pipes she’s shown off in concerts and Ame no furanai, and the rest of the current Momusu lineup have proven themselves well enough. I understand that Momusu ARE just an idol group presenting a more mature, serious image right now, but my point is that getting rid of Koharu alone in order to support that image wouldn’t make sense to me at all, because you’d have to do away with the other super idolly members, too.

Now, I could go on about this all night. I could attempt once again to write that entry about why I love Koharu that I’ve been trying to get out for years now, but I think I’ve somewhat succeeded at getting across the points I wanted to make already. All I can say for now is that I’m still boggling at this whole situation. Did Tsunku reach this decision entirely on his own and dictate to Koharu that this is what’s going to happen? Was it a collaborative discussion about her career path that she was included in? What brought this about at this particular moment in time? Will she, indeed, seriously pursue a career in modeling? I can only hope that the answer to that last one is yes, because seeing her leave the entertainment industry completely would not only break my heart, but would make even less sense to me than her simply graduating from Momusu or H!P. I didn’t hear about the mention of a modeling career until later in the day that I found out she’s graduating, so I walked around thinking that she was leaving the business completely. I wouldn’t understand that, because she seems so happy and comfortable being an idol. She doesn’t show off the crazed, hyper enthusiasm of her newbie days every day anymore, but the confidence and professionalism that’s somewhat replaced it speaks volumes to me: it’s made me believe that she is a careerist, an idol who knows what she wants and fully intends to keep at it. Koharu giving up and going back to being a normal girl would be bizarre, so the modeling thing makes more sense than that to me, even if modeling seems a bit random.

Nevertheless, I wish Koharu luck in whatever she’s going to be doing next, be it modeling or something even she hasn’t figured out yet. And as for Tsunku’s decision, I’ve learned to trust him by now. I still don’t trust Akimoto’s decisions about AKB, no matter what anyone on Stage 48 says, because the reshuffling just took things WAY too far. Tsunku, however, has proven to me time and again that he knows what he’s doing when he makes decisions about Hello! Project, and I honestly feel that I can trust him to take care of the collective now. I believe in his intuition, and I believe that he knows what’s best. This may seem strange to me (and to all of us) right now, but if he has plans for her - the only girl he found over the span of two auditions who he felt he could deem his “Miracle Ace” - then I don’t have too hard a time believing that they just might lead to great things.

So, let’s hope I’m proven right.

The current Momusu lineup will do a lot less for me without Koharu, but who knows what their future has in store?

It’s funny now, looking back on a certain memory I have of singing the Wonder Girls’ Nobody with a friend on the school bus back from a choir performance in March. Sitting at the back of the bus, belting out the song in my questionable pronunciation of Korean, I had no idea that I would be seeing the girls live at the end of the summer. At first they were only scheduled to do a small number of tour stops with the Jonas Brothers, but the fan response must have been overwhelmingly positive, because they wound up going on the entire tour, news that I was delighted to receive. Days after I had found out that they were coming here, I had ordered my ticket and was ready to go. Today was the day I spent the whole summer waiting for, and guys, I was not disappointed.

I’d hoped that there would be a Nobody dance session in our city, like they’ve been holding at many of their other tour stops, but it didn’t happen. I had device updates turned on for JYP’s Twitter and everything, but they just didn’t hold one today. Kind of a bummer, but the experience was still so awesome that I’ve pretty well forgotten about it already.

I went to the show with two friends; our seats weren’t amazing, but it’s not like we were going to spend the money on front row seats when we were only going for a brief opening act. The gates opened at 6:00, and the show was scheduled to start at 7:30. We got outside to discover a HUGE crowd of Jonas Brothers fangirls and, in many cases, their parents, and eventually managed to find the line we needed to get into for our gate - the rather long line, I should say. The line seemed to move once every fifteen minutes, and it occurred to me that the Wonder Girls would most likely be going first, so there was a chance that we would miss their performance entirely if we didn’t make it inside on time. This was a possibility I had not considered before, and it make me very anxious.

We killed time in line attempting to sing (and rap) 2NE1 songs while eight-year-old JoBros fangirls stared at us, until finally someone said that we could enter through another gate instead, and everybody ran towards the door. We were standing near some other Wonder Girls fans at that point, so we were able to share the anxiety while their friends texted them, assuring them that nobody had started performing yet - even though it was after 7:30 already. When we finally made it inside, we ran to our section and walked up a ton of stairs to our seats, just relieved that we hadn’t missed them. We settled into what we thought to be our seats, got spazzed on by a woman with her daughter who found us in their seats, and moved into our real seats. (Pro tip: don’t be rude to the people who’ve accidentally sat in your seats just because they’re teenagers. They’re just as stressed out by this whole concert thing as you are, thanks.) About two minutes later, the show started. IMPECCABLE TIMING WAS IMPECCABLE!

An MC came out and introduced the Wonder Girls - who we’d already caught a glimpse of walking to a spot under the stage in their sparkly dresses - and then they rose up to the stage to the English version of the Nobody ballad version that’s used as an intro on the Nobody mini album. But instead of launching right into the song, they took a couple of minutes to say hi, and teach the crowd the dance to the chorus of Nobody. They launched into the (English version of the) song after that, and it was everything we could have hoped for. I was particularly impressed by the sound of the high notes echoing in the stadium, because that kind of thing always makes a concert feel more real to me, makes me believe that I’m really hearing that artist singing live. And of course, I screamed like I was being murdered or something, which is how I always scream at concerts. (Only I think I did it more enthusiastically than ever before tonight, and my throat still feels awful as a result.) Nobody was the only song they performed, and once they were finished they asked the crowd to scream for their favourite Jonas brother (Nick won by a landslide), and then announced the location of their meet and greet after the show.

Our seats were very high up, but there were screens that allowed for everyone to get a good view of the performers on stage. I didn’t mind being so far away because at least we had a clear view of them, even if they were little blips in the distance. But sparkly blips! Those sparkly dresses win endless points in my book, particularly now that I’ve seen them in person. SHIIIINY!

Immediately after they finished, my friends and I made the long walk back down the stairs from our seats, in significantly less light than we’d made the climb up, and left the actual concert stadium. We wanted to get in line for the meet and greet right away, even though it wasn’t actually happening until after the entire show. As it turned out, the spot where the meet and greet would be had nothing but curtains covering the main stadium, and we were able to peek around the curtains from our spot in line and get a great view of the stage whenever wanted for the rest of the show. It was actually a better view than we’d had from our seats. Of course, this meant that we had to stand there for a good few hours listening to Jordin Sparks, Honor Society, the Jonas Brothers, and Demi Lovato when she made a surprise guest appearance to do her Camp Rock duet with the JoBros. And let me tell you, the Jonas Brothers went on for a long time. Just when you’d think it had to be ending now, they’d start another song. And the fans were loud, as I’m sure you can imagine. It was kind of funny how all of those girls were having one of the most thrilling experiences of their lives while we were just hanging out there going, “Oh, hey, the Jonas Brothers are there,” watching them without any real enthusiasm. XD

One of my friends was worried about the time aspect because she needed to leave by a certain time. Fortunately, we were at almost the very front of the line, with only a few people in front of us. Our going immediately to the meet and greet area paid off big time. At one point some other fans in the line were randomly chosen to go backstage and meet the girls along with the Fan*tastics, so it sucked not being one of them, but we didn’t dwell on that. Meeting the girls and getting their autographs at all would be exciting enough! I had my copy of the Wonder Years and my digital camera ready, and I was excited (and nervous) enough that I was distracted from how much my feet were hurting.

When the concert FINALLY ended, the Wonder Girls appeared on stage briefly, allowing me to get a good shot of them up there. Meanwhile, some staff members were setting up the area where the meet and greet would take place, putting up a banner with a picture of the girls on it and whatnot. Once the concert was over, they began playing (the English version of) Nobody in the meet and greet area, and it became clear to us very quickly that that song was going to get old fast. XD Fortunately, we only had to listen to it a couple of times before the girls emerged, walking along the lineup from the back towards us. My friends reached out and touched the members’ hands while I was too distracted by trying to take a picture; I managed to get Yoobin!

Some guys we think may have been Fan*tastics were given the chance to take pictures with the girls before the people in line, but we were still so near the front that it didn’t affect us too much. The girls weren’t actually sitting down and signing things, and we found out that we weren’t going to be able to get their autographs unless we’d preordered some CD. However, we were able to take a picture with them, and as far as I see it, that’s even better.

We kind of wanted to take individual pictures with them, as other people were doing, but since they were pressed for time, we decided to just take one all together. I had been wearing my glasses up until that point, but I wanted to take them off when I met the Wonder Girls, so all of a sudden I was walking towards them, my hands shaking as I tried to look at Sun Ye and hook my glasses over my shirt collar at the same time. Meanwhile, my friends got into place between Yoobin and Sun Ye, and I found that there wasn’t room for me there. I frantically tried to find a place to stand when Yoobin said, “Come here,” and guided me to the other side of her. Then she put her arm around my shoulders, and we smiled for the picture. Of course, not everyone actually wound up smiling in this picture, probably because of the lag on my friend’s digicam, which is as poor a piece of technology as my own. Still, I can’t stop staring at this picture. It’s perfect.

I turned around, bowed while thanking them, and tried to look at each one of them as I walked away. Then I began to half-hysterically spaz and called Wendy. And then we went home.

Yoobin put her arm around me, guys. =DDDDDD

After that, of course, we had to navigate our way back through a mob of Jonas Brothers fangirls to get to the subway, but we managed to get onto a train pretty quickly, all things considered. Our feet and our throats were in pain, but were we satisfied? Hell yeah! Even if we didn’t get to see JYP in person or get anybody’s autograph, it was an amazing experience and totally worth all of the lining up and waiting - and dealing with the JoBros fangirls.

So there it was. My first ever experience seeing Kpop idols live - or any Asian idols, for that matter. I’m excited and thankful that they came here as a part of their first North American touring experience, and I can only hope, as I have ever since Dir en grey began having successful concerts here, that other Asian acts will take notice and come to perform here, too. Attention idols: Canada loves you!

And now am I left to hope that I can still talk when I wake up tomorrow.

You can see the rest of my pictures from the night (there aren’t many, though) here!

It was announced at the end of this weekend’s big AKB concert at Budokan that the teams are going to be restructured, effective some time in October. The three teams will still be called Teams A, K, and B, but the members have been shuffled around within them - permanently. Some members remain on their current teams, but numerous others have been shifted to other teams, and they themselves learned this on stage in front of tons of fans. This cruel surprise was sprung on them in public, for all to see their tears. One member had to be helped off the stage after learning she was being moved.

The above picture is kind of heartbreaking in light of those girls having no idea what was coming to them on August 23rd, 2009.

I’ve ranted about this pretty much since I woke up today, and I’m going to spare you guys the expletives and exclamations of shock and anger. For now, you can check my Twitter if you really want to see all of that. I can honestly say that I’ve never been this shocked about any piece of news in any of my idol fandoms before, and I don’t think any other AKB fan has, either. Stage 48 has pretty well exploded with posts, and we’ve already set a record for the most members online at one time since the forum has been created, thanks to this announcement. There’s a lot of shock and rage, though also some optimism about what positive effects these changes may have on the group. Still, I think the word “devastated” is appropriate right now, describing both the members’ and fans’ reactions.

In addition to many members being shuffled around, a number of kenkyuusei (research student) members have been promoted to teams, including Kikuchi Ayaka, the former Team B member who came back as a kenkyuusei after her scandal, though she’s now been added to the new Team K. What I will say about my reaction is that I wish that Ayarin had gone to Team B, and not Komori Mika, who I’m really not a fan of. She’s essentially my least favourite member of AKB right now - I’m sure she’s a nice girl, but I’m just not into her “I can barely move” performance style and the amount of exposure she gets regardless - and I never wanted to see my least favourite member added to my favourite team. Meanwhile, Ayarin belongs with Team B. But it’s barely Team B anymore, anyway - a few core members have stuck with each team, but that’s it. My second favourite member, Miyazaki Miho, is now on the same team (B) as my favourite, Hirajima Natsumi, but I can barely work up any excitement about that right now. (I should also be happy that Nacchan being kept on Team B kind of says that she’s now finally considered a core member, but again, I’m not exactly jumping for joy at all of this.)

Plus, the four AKB members who are also members of the new Saturday Night 48 (SDN48) are now only members of SDN. That means Noro Kayo, Sato Yukari, Ohori Megumi, and Urano Kazumi - Cindy, who was essentially the leader of Team B, for all intents and purposes. Each team now has an official leader, as does SDN.

None of us knows what’s going to happen next with AKB’s current stages. Everyone seems to be at a loss. Some Japanese fans seem to be starting a petition on mixi, but who knows how much good that’ll do.

Click to read the rest of the entry for the lists of who’s on which team now, copied from flagator21’s post on Stage 48.

A:
No change - Takahashi Minami*, Kojima Haruna, Shinoda Mariko, Maeda Atsuko, Nakata Chisato, Takajo Aki
From K - Kuramochi Asuka, Matsubara Natsumi
From B - Oota Aika, Katayama Haruka, Sashihara Rino, Nakaya Sayaka, Nakagawa Haruka
Promoted Kenkyuusei - Ooya Shizuka, Iwasa Misaki, Maeda Ami, Suzuki Mariya

K:
No change - Akimoto Sayaka*, Umeda Ayaka, Ono Erena, Oshima Yuko, Miyazawa Sae
From A - Minegishi Minami, Itano Tomomi, Fujie Reina
From B - Nito Moeno, Tanabe Miku, Yonezawa Rumi, Kohara Haruka, Nakatsuka Tomomi
Promoted Kenkyuusei - Kikuchi Ayaka, Nonaka Misato, Matsui Sakiko, Uchida Mayumi

B:
No change - Kashiwagi Yuki*, Watanabe Mayu, Hirajima Natsumi
From A - Kitahara Rie, Sato Amina, Miyazaki Miho
From K - Kobayashi Kana, Kasai Tomomi, Masuda Yuka, Oku Manami, Chikano Rina, Sato Natsuki
Promoted Kenkyuusei - Ishida Haruka, Komori Mika, Satou Sumire, Suzuki Shihori

Asterisks (*) denote leaders of the teams.

Additionally, the aforementioned four AKB members who were also a part of SDN48 are now only members of SDN48, and Noro Kayo is SDN’s leader.

Here’s a meme I just filled out about my top ten artists on my Last.fm account, because sometimes you’re just in the mood to do memes. I’ve had my Last.fm since the summer of 2006 and have never reset it; sometimes I wonder what my charts would look like if I’d switched accounts at some point, or if my Last.fm had started counting my iPod plays before I installed it on my new MacBook. (It’s only been counting iPod plays for the last two weeks, and I’m very curious to see how that might affect my play counts from now on.) Leave it to me to take something like a meme, something you can answer with very few words when you don’t feel like thinking, and be wordy about it, even when I’m exhausted.

My top ten artists on Last.fm (which you can obviously substitute for your iTunes charts if you want to, should you decide to do this meme yourself):

1. AKB48
2. Berryz Koubou
3. Morning Musume
4. Perfume
5. Akebono no Myojo (the H!P remixer who is currently without a website, but look him up on Youtube and you should find some stuff.)
6. Dir en grey
7. Dong Bang Shin Ki
8. C-ute
9. Super Junior
10. A.F.I.

What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
Dead Tree.

What is your favourite lyric that 5 has sung?
He hasn’t really sung. The artists he remixes have. What comes to mind immediately isn’t even a lyric, but a line: the amazing way he made use of Koharu’s “wow-wo-ooooow”s from Happy in his Happy remix. As for actual lyrics? I don’t know, they’re just H!P lyrics. Too much to choose from. The Kokuhaku no Funsui Hiroba lyrics come to mind, and just the way he made songs like Ooki na ai de motenashite and Gag 100kaibun aishite kudasai more sentimental.

How many times have you seen 4 live?
Zero, sadly.

What is your favourite song by 7?
Hard to say for absolute certain, but I think Rising Sun. It’s the one that made me fall for them, and I still love it.

What is a good memory you have involving the music of 10?
I now immediately want to say seeing them live at Edgefest this year. But I have so much more sentimental attachment to their music from events and times in my life long before the one time I’ve seen them live so far. For now I’ll just say discovering the album The Art of Drowning in the summer before I started high school, when I was moving on from a crappy first half of 2005 and finding happiness again, and loving that album like crazy.

Is there a song of 3 that makes you sad?
I don’t know that there’s a Momusu song that makes me *sad*. Furusato? XD It’s not even supposed to be a “sad” song, but yeah, I think it might’ve made me sad once or twice in the past. And I guess I WISH makes me sad sometimes, in the past because of Aibon, and later because of a friend who sang it at karaoke who has since moved back to Japan.

What is your favourite lyric that 2 has sung?
Berryz lyric? Hmm…see, when it comes to connecting to lyrics, I tend to prefer angstier songs, in the context of Jpop. XD So perhaps something in Jiriri Kiteru, because it was my first Berryz song and the lyrics kind of described what I was feeling in my own love life at the time. Then there’s a line in Hello no Theme and that’s not really THEIR song, but I’ve only ever had an mp3 of their version. XD I kind of like the whole “Ah, why this face?” bit in Very Beauty if only because it’s funny since idols probably don’t need to have insecurities about, um, having pretty faces…but it might be a lyric they have that I can relate to sometimes? I don’t know. All of this should probably just be pwned by Yurina’s “I want to be reborn as the microphone” in Seishun Bus Guide. Seriously.

How did you get into 3?
I’d heard of them in various places after becoming a Jrock fan, so one day I finally looked them up out of curiosity, and after reading their full history and getting into Tsujikago, Momusu itself was not far behind, with Sexy Boy being my first song of theirs.

What was the first song you heard by 1?
Skirt, Hirari.

What is your favourite song by 4?
Electro World.

How many times have you seen 9 live?
Zero.

What is a good memory you have involving 2?
Being a hardcore Berryz fangirl during the summer of 2007, along with my Heechul fangirlism, and loving every minute of it. Berryz and Heechul *were* my summer ’07.

Is there a song of 8 that makes you sad?
Soku Dakishimete, because I miss Megu and I consider that her song out of the three non-Wakkyanai(Z) indie singles? Maybe Bishoujo Shinri depending on the context of the moment in which I’m listening to it. And there’s a remix of Tokaikko Junjou (by apx, and you can look it up on Youtube) that leaves me feeling very…melancholy, in a way.

What is your favourite album of 5?
Between the Berryz and Me.

What is your favourite lyric that 3 has sung?
Yeah, most of my favourite lyrics, not from Jpop songs. Momusu…why the hell? For some reason, Mikan comes to mind first. The choruses were always very uplifting and inspiring to me. I think the stress I was dealing with at school at the time it came out made me appreciate a song like that that much more. Aside from all the “life is one time” stuff, the bit about becoming like a newborn with a pure heart was nice.

And then there’s the *title* of Shouganai Yume Oibito. A person who can’t help but chase dreams…yup, that’s me.

What is your favourite song of 1?
Inochi no Tsukaimichi.

What is your favourite song of 10?
Buh, favourite song? There are so many. The Despair Factor, The Days of the Phoenix, This Celluloid Dream, Death of Seasons…essentially, my favourite album is The Art of Drowning, and Sing the Sorrow is number two. That’s what I know.

How many times have you seen 8 live?
Zero. The only artists in my top ten whom I’ve seen live are A.F.I. and Dir en grey.

What is your favourite album of 1?
Basically the same question as favourite stage in AKB land, and that would be B3 - Pajama Drive.

What is a great memory you have considering 9?
Discovering Heechul? <3 I don’t know, that’s not really one memory. I’ve bonded with a number of friends over Suju; there’s one good friend in particular who I met on a mutual friend’s journal and began talking to specifically because of Suju. So that was cool.

What was the first song you heard by 8?
Wakkyanai(Z). Which was their only song at the time. :3

What is your favourite cover by 2?
I guess their aforementioned version of Hello no Theme was a cover, so I’ll say that.

Naturally, this meme neglected Dir en grey. But I take many opportunities to babble about my love for them anyway, so it’s okay.

This does lead me to remember, though, the live shows I have seen and the people I admire whom I have made contact with, no matter how briefly: I’m thinking about Dir en grey right now. All three times that they’ve been to Canada so far, I’ve made absolutely certain that I was free to go to their shows, and that I had my tickets safely secured as early on as possible. For their first performance here, as part of the Family Values tour, I asked my parents if we could come home from a week-long vacation one day early, so that I would be able to see the show. I was scared of being scolded for asking such a thing, but it turns out it wasn’t much of an inconvenience and they didn’t mind doing that for me. Back then, I didn’t even know the names of all of Dir en grey’s members, but I knew that I loved their music. It was a huge deal to me to see them live, and they did not disappoint. I also got to see each of them close up, as they walked by us in the back parking lot hours before they played, and after the show Toshiya stopped in front of a large group of us back there and waved, while we greeted him in awe. He had been one of the members I was less familiar with, but I would feel quite the affection towards him from then on. (And it helps that I have a thing for bassists.)

By the time their next show came around, my friends and I were prepared. We decided to buy presents for each of the members, and I got Toshiya. My friends all told me that he was known to like Doraemon, so I bought him a Doraemon plushie in Chinatown. Throughout the show I had to hold onto it, and it was very difficult to keep it in my clutches in a crowd setting like that, but I managed to hold onto both it and the t-shirt I’d just been given as a birthday present, if nothing else. After the show, we tracked down a roadie we’d met and talked to at Family Values, and he agreed to give them the presents. A friend of mine from Japan wrote their names in kanji on each of the presents, to make it easier. That day is made an even more amazing memory by the fact that so many of my friends were there, including friends from a number of different groups. To experience one of my favourite bands in the world while surrounded by friends was pretty damn awesome.

Finally, there was the show last November. It was the second time that I waited in a line outside in the winter for the band, and this time I waited even longer, AND it snowed. But I bought a key lime pie during my warm-up break at the grocery store and shared it with my friends in line; the members walked by and we yelled to them and made jokes about Kyo still not having made an appearance; Toshiya, friendly as ever, waved happily in response to our calls of “Toshiya-san!” as he walked by. The security guards inside the actual venue actually did a lot to make the experience less than perfect, but what I got out of the actual show was more than worth it: not only did I get to hear “Conceived Sorrow” live, with Kyo taking the mic away from his mouth and singing two lines out into the room while everybody shut up to listen - a moment that made me feel that much closer to that man on the stage - but I got to meet Die and Shinya when they signed autographs after the show, shake their hands, say thank you to each of them, and get their autographs on my copy of their newest CD. That was the closest I have ever come to any of the most important performers to me, my friends. Close enough to shake hands.

I’ve done a lot to support other bands I love, too, like Billy Talent. I saw them live for the first time a week before seeing Diru for the second time, after listening to BT for three years prior. Their music makes me feel like myself, like the same girl I’ve always been beneath the layers of whatever’s going on in my life at the moment; it sounds like home. This past June, they headlined Edgefest, with A.F.I. up before them, and I knew I had to go: Diru, BT and A.F.I. are probably my three favourite bands in the world, and A.F.I. was the only one I still hadn’t seen live yet. I got caked in mud at the rainy outdoor festival, but that couldn’t even bring me down, because I was hearing played live the songs that have sung me through life. I feel like whenever you’re at a concert, sharing the experience of the music with the band and the people around you, you’re building a relationship there. At that first Billy Talent concert I went to, Ben, the vocalist, asked everybody to hold up their lighters, cellphones, or whatever, and then to look around. As we did, he told us all that we are never alone. This was followed by a slower song they have about a suicidal teen, called “Nothing to Lose”, and it was a powerful moment I was moved by. I was so happy to have experienced it. Moments like that, and Kyo singing out into the room without his microphone - not to mention an octave higher than he sings those lines on the album - are moments that will never leave me.

I’m not saying that you have to go to concerts to have a connection with your favourite artists, but concerts are a powerful thing, and I’d recommend doing what you can to go to one if you’ve never had the chance before. It may be years before I’m free to go to Japan or Korea to see the artists I love there, but I comfort myself with the experiences I’ve had at home. In the mean time, I support Heechul, Nacchan, and everybody I love by buying their releases whenever I can, and  dedicating a lot of blog space to them on the internet. I upload Nacchan’s vlogs to Youtube and have a worship blog for her in the hopes that it will give her just a little more exposure, and possibly bring her new fans. That’s what I feel like I can do for her. Meanwhile, I wear a necklace featuring Heechul’s initial on a regular basis, because his words and spirit make me happy and bring me comfort throughout my day to day life, and as a fan I post about him all the time on coinlockersbaby. And once I bought the repackaged version of a Suju album I already had the initial release version of because Heechul had looked into the camera on a TV show and asked people to please buy music. My wota tendencies were obviously coming out that day!

Soon, I’m going to be seeing my first ever live performance by idols, as opposed to a rock band: the Wonder Girls on their tour with the Jonas Brothers will be performing here at the end of the month, and my friend and I have had our tickets secured for awhile now. After the performance, we hope that there will be a meet and greet where we can go and meet the girls, and that would be an amazing experience for me. While they aren’t one of my all-time favourite groups or anything, they are one of my favourite Kpop groups, and I own one of their CDs. I know all of their names and faces; seeing them in person is going to be surreal. I absolutely can’t wait to see what it’s like being up close and personal with Kpop idols, and I hope to show them that they have fans in Canada by cheering as loudly as possible when they perform.

If all else fails, there are always fan letters for those of us who can’t go and be with our idols in person. A number of AKB fans write many letters to their favourite girls, and I’ve attempted to write something to Nacchan in the past. One of these days, I will actually finish. I also hope that I manage to write to Heechul one day, though I feel like any letter I could send to him would have to be epic. Hopefully I’ll at least be able to convey how much he’s done for me, without ever even knowing me. No matter what anyone can say about idol fandoms, that can never be creepy. Taking comfort from a person’s blog entries, voice, and presence, be they a friend or a celebrity? That’s got to be a beautiful thing. After all, we’re all just people in this world.

It’s been far too long since I’ve seen some good old fashioned Hello! Project conspiracy theorizing - although Wendy came up with an Ooki na Ai de Motenashite Curse the other day that’s exciting to me, even though I don’t want to see C-ute completely fall apart. Theories like the Love Machine Curse and the Sakura Gumi Curse take me right back to my early days of H!P fandom. Oh, the warm and fuzzy feelings the memory of those days brings me. I could just snuggle it. *Snuggles Love Machine Curse*

…Anyway. Hopefully all you H!P fans are up on your knowledge and thus familiar with a little Egg unit called Tomoiki Ki wo Uetai (Tomoiki Wants to Plant Trees), or Tomoiki for short. The group was officially formed way back in 2005, and you should be able to spot a few familiar faces among its ranks.

This picture was one of our earliest glimpses of some idols who would become a whole lot more familiar to us later on. There’s Kanna second from the left, who would be one of the first Eggs to get any major exposure within H!P after leaving Tomoiki and joining C-ute at the beginning of their indies days. In the middle we have Oose Kaede, otherwise known as Kaepyon, who would leave the group to join THE Possible with five other Eggs, and then leave H!P altogether for TNX and Nice Girl Project. On the far right we have Noto Arisa, who you should remember from Ongaku Gatas, and there on the far left is none other than Maeda Yuuka, who was obviously destined to rise up in the ranks of H!P, albeit once she’d put in a lot of time in the background of the H!P world first.

Those last two, along with second from the right Furukawa Konatsu, are the remaining original members of Tomoiki who are still in the group today, though it’s not like the group actually does anything anymore. Kanna was replaced by Mori Saki, Kaepyon was replaced by Yutoku Ayumi, and then Ayumi graduated from Hello! Project and was replaced by Saho Akari. But I’ll repeat, they haven’t released anything but the single “Minna no Ki” in 2006, anyway. What did you expect from an enviromental idol group? It’s not like Ecomoni ever tore up the Oricon charts.

With all that background out of the way, here’s my conspiracy theory: former members of Tomoiki who move on to bigger and better things in H!P (or Nice Girl Project) will graduate unexpectedly while they still have plenty of idol career stretching out ahead of them. Kanna had honed her idol skills wonderfully over the course of her time in C-ute and had even survived a scandal by the time she went on hiatus due to bunions, eventually leaving the group altogether. (Apparently everyone is saying now that she’s not getting a graduation concert because there have been scandals and whatnot, but I don’t think that’s necessarily true. Maybe it happens less often in H!P, but I can think of at least one AKB48 graduation where the girl just announced at the end of a show, “That was my last show. Love ya!”) Now Kaepyon is leaving THE Possible, and while they don’t exactly get the kind of exposure that groups like C-ute and Berryz do, she still could’ve stuck with it for longer. If anything, I would have expected Mororin to graduate sooner, because she’s both older and a total background member. Kaepyon floats between the background and the spotlight, but she does get enough solo lines that she can at least feel fairly well-utilised. Both of these girls were members of Tomoiki who left that unit after being added to other groups, plucked from the H!P Eggs when the Eggs were doing a lot less in H!P than they are now, as if they were the chosen ones. And yet, they’re both graduating young. I sense a pattern!

If this curse were to fully come to fruition, who would be next in line to leave the idol world behind? I believe that would be Noto Arisa, who gained exposure in Ongaku Gatas last year. After that would be none other than Maed Yuuka, who’s a lot better known these days after High-King, Shugo Chara Egg, and her new group S/mileage. Even Saho Akari was named a member of the group and she’s done Shugo Chara Egg since then, so it could well be her next. There is one important difference between these girls and Kanna and Kaede, though: they’re still members of Tomoiki. While Tomoiki hasn’t done anything for a long time now, they never officially graduated from the group when they began their respective new projects. Could affect the curse, could mean nothing, considering all of Tomoiki’s members have as good as left it behind. (If I’m wrong on all this, though, and Tomoiki actually has done something recently, please tell me, and I’ll eat my words.)

Of course, there’s another problem with this theory: Yuuka is actually a front girl. Kanna was always one of the background members of C-ute, and Kaepyon was in-between in THE Possible. Yuuka was the only Egg to be put in High-King, and has since then done two other units in which she gets her fair share of solo lines. She’s also become one of the most popular members of those units, and most H!P fans know who she is now. I think it is highly unlikely that she will graduate anytime soon, meaning she could put the curse to rest. I do wonder about Noto Arisa, though. She was kind of in-between in Ongaku Gatas, and she hasn’t done much that seems particularly notable since then. She has been doing something, though, as evidenced by the pictures that popped up on the H!O picboard the other day of her at an anime convention in Hong Kong. But she is an older idol (though she still looks about fifteen) and she’s probably less popular in H!P right now than Yuuka, so who knows? Only time will tell. (It’s not like I want her to graduate, though. I’d love to see her get a real group, or something.) Akari would also seem to be more at risk than Yuuka, since she’s only done Shugo Chara Egg and then became the only member of that unit not to be put in S/mileage. Perhaps she really is the one most likely to graduate next.

We could even try to factor Yutoku Ayumi into this somewhere, since she graduated from Hello! Project just shortly after being named the newest member of Tomoiki. Could it be that the Tomoiki curse first began affecting girls who hadn’t even moved on to bigger and better things yet? After all, she graduated long before Kanna and Kaepyon. Could it be that Furukawa Konatsu might actually be the next in line to leave H!P? She seems to be the only remaining Tomoiki member who hasn’t done anything else noteworthy in H!P, and no doubt that could be a little frustrating.

As with all of these conspiracy theories, there’s a good chance that this won’t come true, and that would probably be for the best. Really, I just enjoy pointing this out because conspiracy theories are entertaining, and they remind me of reading Ray’s Cult of Pop entries back in the ninth grade. If you’ve spotted any other potential H!P curses recently, please let me know, so I can join in the theorizing! I’ll be here in my corner looking at pictures of Koharu. Or something.