"Just wonderin' . . ."

The finality of death

2011-01-05T18:28:00.001-05:00

My father died Monday night at 8:32 p.m. We don't know for sure since no one in the nursing home was by his side at the moment of death but at least we have something solid to hold on to considering that death is still one of the biggest mysteries we have as human beings.

My father was very much loved by family and friends. His extroverted personality had a magic that drew him to others and others were likewise drawn to him. I never learned if he was taught that by the way he was nurtured as a child or whether he was simply born with a genetic disposition to being friendly. As for myself, I didn't follow in his footsteps, not that I'm unfriendly but definitely not as outgoing as he was.

Now that he is gone, I am stuck wondering what death is all about? As a Christian, I'm supposed to be confident that death is just a temporary stop in the walk of life leading to eternal life in Heaven if we are deemed worthy by they way we lived our temporal life here on Earth. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about death in a philosophical rather than spiritual way.

Just how does one deal with its "finality"? I will never see, speak to, touch, hold, run, or laugh with my father again. Granted, he still and will forever live in my memory but that's not the same. I'm curious. How does an agnostic or atheist deal with the idea of death? What happens after we die?

That's where the comfort of religion kicks in. The finality of death is tempered by a possibility of life hereafter but what does an agnostic or atheist have to temper this finality? Guess I'll just have to ask some of my friends who fall into this category. As for myself, I believe that no matter what they "don't" believe in, God loves them anyway. Won't they be surprised if and when they end up in Heaven! Maybe some will have to be dragged in over their protestations. LOL

You see, I know all the "bad" stuff about my father and so does God. I'm hoping God is gracious and will consider his whole life rather than focus on his foibles. And you know what - even if my father doesn't get to go to Heaven, he made a heaven of things here on Earth the way he loved and cared for other people. It was amazing to see how many people in and out of the church, spiritual and secular who he touched and helped reflect God's love through his actions.

Most of his life was dedicated to building a church in this part of the Bronx through hard work, and sacrifice but most importantly loving as many people as he could and watching this love grow and spread resulting in the successful planting of a church here in Morris Park in the Bronx. It wasn't through the traditional evangelistic crusades but through the way he loved and cared for people. All one has to do is look at all the people who commented about his death on the respective facebook pages of my daughter and myself.

Love conquers all. My father's love for others trumped his death. His life revealed the personality of Jesus Christ who met people where they were , seeked to know them and their interests and loved them unconditionally.

I will never be able to fill his shoes. Hopefully he will be able to walk in Jesus' footsteps through eternity.

Here are 2 poems I wrote about my dad:

Hello in there

I gently stroke my hand on my father's head - the good side

The one not paralyzed. His good eye sees me and its window opens

To the mind that I have just awakened

"Pops, hello! How do you feel?"

He weakly answers "Good" as I wonder what's really going on in there

If I could only ease his pain

Put him on his feet again

Run with him just one more time.

Only half of his mouth moves, his lips weakly trying to form words

How I wish I could promise him he'll get better

But he's comfortably numb - I don't know what that's like

I tell myself I don't want to go like this

When I was child I caught a fleeting glimpse of what it meant to be a man

I cannot put my finger on it now.

The child is grown, the dream is gone.

I have become comfortably numb

"Hello, hello, is anybody in there?"

His good side answers, "Yes, I'm still here"

Like you are now

Comfortably numb.

Running with my Father

My father lies semi-conscious in his hospital bed

But we ran together this morning in the early morning mist

This time I held his hand in mine as he did when I was a child

"Run faster, Dad. I can beat you!" and he let me - what did I know?

Along the river's edge I thought of all those stories he told me

His Bible in his hand, those archetypal stories reaching deep into my little heart

Were they real? how come the Bible sounded different when he read it to me?

Teaching me to pray, I knew I had more than one Father

A comfort in the time of trouble

Across the grassy green parkland I looked at him and saw his smile

The laugh I'll never forget, the smile that encompassed his whole body

His joy for life - we ran together him and I - his footsteps were large

No getting lost with him. We raced together once, that 5K in the woods

He was my age then and never winced as the hills kept coming and coming

"You did great Pops! How do you feel?" His smile was the answer.

I ran a little faster as I neared the end of my run with him

I wanted to gather all my memories as my heartbeat stirred ever faster

What little time I had left was going to be my memories of him

We finished together in the mist this morning. I had more than mist in my eyes.

I stopped my watch, walked in the doorl and cried. He cried too but we did it together

My father and I.

It's just a game, right?

2010-06-07T09:25:00.001-04:00

Welcome to the biggest, baddest, most important sporting event on this planet. It only happens every 4 years. It's the World Cup and it begins this Fri. , June 11 in S.Africa. Thirty-two (32) teams will play to see who plays the best with a ball that can't be touched by ones hands (except for the goalie, of course).

The anticipation, excitement and fanaticism surrounding this game has to be seen to be believed. Nations have made truces while warring with each other, people have committed suicide over bad results, nations stop doing work when their team is playing. You have to be a fan to be a fanatic or vice versa or both at the same time and interestingly, the word fan is derived from the word fanatic.

Ever wonder what drives people to this level of passionate commitment to a game? Is it about a vicarious desire to be the target of massive adulation and respect (and sometimes derision)? Is it that the game provides meaning to our meaningless lives (a sort of existential act of ontological significance)?

I wonder how people identify self with team, how happiness can rest on the fortuitous kick of a ball? Why does life or death take second seat to winning or losing a game?

And the spin of politics has already started. You say, "politics has a place in soccer?" Why yes, it's called gamesmanship but I'm not referring to tactics or strategy or coaching or training routines. I'm talking about denial.

Denial as avoiding blame. It happened yesterday when a stamped of fans trying to get to see a pre-competition game (Nigeria vs. N. Korea) broke down a fence and injured a few people. People have expressed concern that having such a global event on such a large scale as this would create logistical problems, especially ones dealing with security. Africa wants to put on a good face since it has a track record of other overly exuberant fans behaving badly, this doesn't look good and FIFA (the organizing body) immediately went on the defensive saying that this event couldn't be blamed on them since it was not part of the official competition.

People will be watching. And the USA vs. England game has already been targeted by Islamic terrorist groups as an event they would like to participate in also. Somehow I don't think it involves kicking a ball around. My oh my, you would think they have respect for the game? It's all about the game, right?

Just wonderin'

The Most Interesting Book in the World

2010-05-14T10:18:00.000-04:00

If you know me, you know I'm not crazy, at least not full-blown crazy. But you might think me a crackpot after I finish telling you about a book that has enraptured (is this a word?) me and is making me rethink my personal cosmology.

Let me put it this way. If I told you that a new updated edition of the Bible was available, would you be interested? 1) no, if you don't believe in the Bible 2) no, if you you are a religious conservative with a closed mind 3) no, if you believe that stuff like this is New Age or satanic 4) no, if you're perfectly satisfied with your understanding about everything but 5) YES if you are a seeker with an open mind who wants to find out more about our Universe, creation, existence and our future in the hereafter.

For those religious conservatives out there who might be reading this - don't worry, it doesn't put the Bible into disrepute. If anything it illuminates and fills in all those blanks one gets from doing a thorough reading of the Bible. For my agnostic/atheist friends, this book will stimulate your cerebral interests, particularly in science, history, geology, anthropology and mythology. You can read it (Urantia Book) online here: http://www.truthbook.com I would suggest you jump around a bit and read anything that interests you rather than plowing through the very intense beginning papers.

Just like people believe that the Bible was inspired by God and written by man, this book also was written by man who had this material dictated by celestial beings. Sounds iffy, doesn't it, but how many other things do we have to take on faith in this world? Do we really think we can know and understand everything?

I like adventures, do you? And if you decide to take this one, you can't get injured, just maybe have your mind readjusted -:) It surely doesn't hurt to expand one's mind, does it? I first read this book back in the '80's and only now have I re-opened it. Another good place to go if you decide to take a look into this book are the very interesting, academically sound and intellectually profound online videos presented by a physicist at http://www.perfectinghorizons.org

Ever wonder what's out there and what your place in the Universe is all about and especially what happens when you die? C'mon, be honest - I bet you're at least a little bit curious. What do you have to lose? Just your preconceived notions of reality, that's all. Now, you're not scared, are you?

Just wonderin'

Financial Reform or Ethics Reform?

2010-04-23T08:31:00.000-04:00

Pres. Obama came to NYC and spoke to Wall Street. He spoke about disarming "financial weapons of mass destruction" and about "a few companies (who) made out like bandits by exploiting their customers, making our entire economy more vulnerable." It was the silence of the bulls as the NYDaily News so aptly phrased it.

I think it was really a sermon on ethics. There's a Bible verse that says "The love of money is the root of all evil." How true that verse rings in light of the world-wide economic recession we are only now beginning to recover from. Notice that it is "the love of money" that is the culprit. There's nothing wrong with money or those who have a lot of it. It's how they got it and what they do with it.

Business models that depend on bilking/conning people is not only wrong but they will eventually backfire and take everyone down. "O ye patriarchs of high finance, how big is your golden parachute?"

It makes one think. Is there a direct correlation between a good education yet a lack of personal ethics? Remember the guys from Enron? Weren't they the smartest guys in the room? Or is it the environment of monetary excess, that seduces the new converts to Wall Street? And does the Bible have it right when it directly equates "love of money" with "root of all evil?"

I wonder if materialism is really at the heart of the moral degradation of our society? I wonder if wealth is really a disease? I wonder why so many really rich and famous people have such miserable lives? I wonder why when people have what should be enough, they only want more? Hmm . . . ?

We can only ask to be blessed with neither poverty nor riches. Find that happy, contented, middle ground and love everyone else like you love yourselves. That's the message I think Obama strived to deliver.

I wonder if it will take?

Glee Flash Mobs and other assorted public displays of happiness

2010-04-13T12:53:00.000-04:00

What's going on in this crazy world of ours? People are getting up and dancing in large groups all over the place. Is this a sign of something? If so - what?

I personally like it. I also wish I could dance. One doesn't see too many 60+ yr. olds in these not so spontaneous public displays. What! not spontaneous you say. That's right. They rehearse. You access YouTube videos that show and describe the steps you'll need to learn. But it sure looks like a lot of fun

Death in the family

2010-04-09T14:31:00.000-04:00

Our oldest calico (female) cat, Samira who we called Sam for short, died this morning at home after struggling with a cancerous tumor in her lungs. Watching her die was very emotional. Our pets are many times more loved than our fellow family members. As my wife said, "Why do we grow so attached to them?"

My whole family, son and daughter went out into the woods near where we live and buried her at a little pet cemetery we made around a large boulder inscribed with the name and date of our 1st pet who died written in yellow paint. This makes it easier to see with binoculars from our terrace.

We had quite an adventure simply finding the place since we didn't have a GPS fix (we now do) and we traipsed unnecessarily through some swampy terrain in which my daughter and I sunk all the way to our waist!

Since this was my daughter's cat, she said some words and thanked her brother for showing her loving attention in these last few weeks as she wasted away.

Pets are like medicine, especially for our emotional ailments. They give unconditional love and just being able to hold and pet them brings an instant feeling of serenity and loving tenderness. We still have 4 more cats and life goes on. These little deaths hopefully prepare us for the larger ones to come. Maybe one day humanity will be able to say " O Death, where is thy sting?" As for me and my family, we aren't there yet, so we have to reconcile ourselves to living life with death as a near constant companion.

Everyday when I go running in these woods I buried her in, I can only be thankful to have life and have it abundantly. I hope Robert Frost was right when he said, "The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep, /And miles to go before I sleep, /And miles to go before I sleep."

Just wonderin'

John Coltrane in mourning - "Alabama"

2010-04-07T18:10:00.000-04:00

"Alabama" is a song written by John Coltrane that appears on his album Live at Birdland. It was written in reaction to the 16th Street Baptist Church bombing, an attack by the Ku Klux Klan in Birmingham, Alabama that killed four girls. What must Coltrane have been thinking about when he played it?

Always wondered what it would be like to play an instrument that so gently weeps?

Just wonderin'

"What if they would've given me a woman's heart?"

2010-04-06T20:08:00.000-04:00

That's what my friend Luis joked about when visiting him yesterday. At 60 he looks great for a guy who was on death's bed amonth ago and now has a healthy 30 year old heart beating in his chest. Matter of fact, it was beating so strong when he first got it, that the doctors were worried that his weakened body couldn't handle the new vibrant heart.

As we talked with him about life in general, his operation and heart transplant procedures, we were left with the wonderment of what's it like to have someone else's heart in your body. He could've gotten a woman's heart because his bodily frame is small like a woman's but he has a man's heart. For years, the idiom of our language matched the heart with the seat of our emotions. The heart at one time even surpassed the brain. Maybe that was the "emotional" mind while our brains were our "mental" minds. (although men are rumored to have a very special mind of its own that tends to get them in trouble :) )

That was at the heart of Luis' comment. Do women have hearts that engender female characteristecs? Scientifically no but as an archetype - maybe?

Just wonderin'

She lies - those female voices - shh . . . .

2010-04-02T15:25:00.002-04:00

There's a female voice in my iPhone app (RunKeeper) who gives me info about my workouts. I think she lies. What her reason would be to do this, I'm not sure. Her pleasant voice belies the fact that she herself is a prisoner of time. Time owns her. She is its prisoner.

But why can't she say things like "I know the GPS algorithm is telling me to say you're running at 13 minutes a mile but we both know at this very moment you're running 8:40 mile pace." But she isn't the only female voice I must contend with.

The female in my GPS that I use while driving has even told me to make a U-turn while doing 65 mph on the interstate. Right! Maybe it's because she's old? There are younger versions of her who have the knack for remembering shorter faster routes to the same location. But they all sound so sexy, so seductive and even so forceful. Their error messages aren't so nice as if they are saying between the pauses in their words, "Gee, you're dumb. Watch what will happen if you don't listen to me."

I wonder if all females have this capacity - to say 'hard" things nicely. Hmm . . . . I don't think I'm going to go there.

Just wonderin'

Garmin 305 vs. iPhone RunKeeper app

2010-04-01T14:17:00.001-04:00

After nearly 6 miles. only a .02 GPS mileage discrepancy. I'd say that's pretty good, eh?

RunKeeper + the "Sabbath Manifesto"

2010-03-31T13:57:00.000-04:00

Just bought a new spiffy iPhone app called RunKeeper that uses the 3GS GPS function then sends the workout to the website when finished. It also works with the Nikeplus system running in the background so that I can continue keeping my records going. And you can take "geotagged' photos while on the run and see them later. I always come across something I wish I could take a pic of but it interferes with my run. Now the pics fit right into the run. Very nice!

Plus I can still listen to music and even take phone calls since the app pauses when a call comes in. The only thing that's missing is a bulit-in integrated HRM. I love all these cool gadgets. And when they're all in one package, the better.

Wonder when we ourselves will use skin implants like GPS chips and telephone chips that allow us to receive and talk through the bone structures behind our ears? And sunglasses that have built-in zoom features and iPod like functions in the sections that go over our ears?

But there is a dark side - isn't there always? Technology is rapidly displacing people in the final scheme of things. Why have real friends when you can have virtual ones, like on Facebook on various different forums that cater to your whims and personality.

A group of Jewish artists have even set up what they call a Sabbath Manifesto - a national "unplugging" day. Makes good sense to me especially since technology has become more dear to me than people at times. Need I say my wife hates my iPhone and it doesn't like her either. Check out their site:
http://www.sabbathmanifesto.org/ and look at their 10 Principles.

1) Avoid technology
2) Connect with loved ones
3) Nurture your health
4) Get outside
5) Avoid commerce
6) Light candles
7) Drink wine
8) Eat bread
9) Find silence
10) Give back

I like them all but #1, I can keep only for one day a week. That's why it's called a sabbath. Wonder which ones are you're favorite?

Just wonderin'

Doing "time"

2010-03-23T21:22:00.000-04:00

After visiting Alcatraz,
I came away with a strong impression that prison confinement is a serious challenge to one's mental sanity. They said the many inmates read 75 - 100 books a year. But what was most interesting was what they read.

". . . these men read more serious literature than does the ordinary person in the community. Philosophers such as Kant, Schpenhauer, Hegel, etc. are especially popular. . . " Federal Bureau of Prisons booklet, 1960.

I kept thinking to myself, "how would I survive in this place?" What would I do to spend the time? How could I most efficiently workout under these sparse conditions? What books would I read? What would you read?

Would philosophy be one of your more interesting areas of reading? I wonder what this whole experience would be like? But I don't think I want to start anytime soon.

Just wonderin'

Two 1sts: longest run and 1st race of the year

2010-03-16T14:35:00.000-04:00

I've come to accept both my age, my slowness, my fatness and most importantly my new mind-set about competition. Basically it comes down to : "Big deal" - I've been there, done that, got to live in the now. There aren't too many average Joes in their 60's competing out there. The ones who are were always at the top of their class and kept their racing weight plus or minus just a few pounds.

Now that I'm retired, everything as slowed down a lot! No more stress, no more worries, no more drive - just "chillin'" as the young folk say. Coming to this place wasn't easy in the frist few years after I retired but it's been 6 years and I've sort've come to grips with it. Definitely need more naps though.

But I've devised a way to fake sporting ambition. I've concocted a yearlong running streak for myself. All I have to do is run at least 1 mile a day every day. Sometimes I go longer because I want to and sometimes I go longer because 1 mile just isn't enough. Aha! there's nothing like fooling oneself. But today I decided beforehand to go long - 7.5 miles. Why? Because I've entered a 12K race in San Francisco this Sunday which is nearly the same distance (but significantly hillier). No pressure, an easy effort, except for that nasty hill up to the Golden Gate Bridge from Sausalito. Damn, that hill is tough!

Wonder how my friend will do. She's been having a tough time with her races lately. She's finishing them in a supine position. Our mutual joke now is that it's better to finish standing than supine. As for me, I'm approaching this with a unique mindset for me, one who has raced hundreds of times over the years, usually always trying to push the pace. Not on Sunday. It's going to be a social event first - race second. Plus I'm entered in the Clydesdale division = males over 200 lbs., women over 160 lbs. I think I might be the fastest fat guy in the 60-64 age group. We'll see.

Just wonderin'

Religion Needs Atheism

2010-03-15T14:23:00.001-04:00

Nicely said Samir! They say great minds think alike. LOL
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Religion Needs Atheism (and Agnostics too)

2010-03-15T13:48:00.000-04:00

My good friend wrote a piece for The Huffington Post on religion. We tend to think alike but he says it a whole lot better! Check it out here and read the comments. Sometinmes the best stuff is in the smallest spaces :)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/samir-selmanovic/religion-needs-atheism_b_498051.html?view=screen

I've always said that when it comes to talking about religion , my best conversations were with atheists and agnostics. Atheists for their passion about not believeing in God and agnostics for their intellectual honesty about not being sure.

As for me, I wonder about this stuff on a daily basis. Still not absolutely sure.

Just wonderin'

It's "March Madness" Time!

2010-03-14T12:56:00.000-04:00

The brackets will be set this evening for the NCAA Basketball Championships. There's probably more guessing and betting and money being played than any other sporting event in the USA? My favorites to win are any team in the Big East. West Virginia looked very good in the Big East Champs played last night in Madison Square Garden.

Others to watch are Ohio State, Duke and any of the smaller colleges that have been playing under the radar. They are the ones that make it so difficult to get out of the first bracket with excellent results. Those underdogs have nothing to lose and everything to win for.

Feel free to invite me to a group you might have set up. The way I figure it, the more entries, the better.

Wonder who's going to win?

Just wonderin'

Drugs, Deception and Disappointment

2010-03-11T10:44:00.000-05:00

I met Val at my gym with a good friend of his who is also an outstanding Master's athlete. We talked about training and I interviewed him about his upcoming races, where he works out and his coaching.

Both seemed very "real" - a sense of dedication, forthrightness, being highly motivated and disciplined. But once again, the real and ugly face of drugs showed its face again:

http://masterstrack.com/2010/03/7977/

Who does one trust anymore? Maybe this is why Track and field is looked at on a level just below bike racing with its extensive use of drugs? I've met other athletes over the years who also denied using drugs when I asked them directly and only later to find out that they did.

I even have a theory now that when athletes use these drugs, they not only get a feeling of superiority performance wise but it opens the door to psychotic behavior - specifically believing their lies to be true. I wonder if this theory is true for most athletes on drugs/ This would clearly be a difficult study to perform.

We so much want others who we befriend to do well and we take joy when we see them perform at world-class levels. Val had the world record fro the 60 yard dash at 50 years old. Turns out it's too good to be true. Do we really think we can get away with it? We will always know and that truth may be hidden for awhile but it won't completely disappear.

Just wonderin'

The "Nephilim" have arrived!

2010-03-10T14:29:00.002-05:00

Genesis Chapter 6, verses 1 through 4 mentions Nephilim:

Now it came about, when men began to multiply on the face of the land, and daughters were born to them, that the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were beautiful; and they took wives for themselves, whomever they chose. Then the LORD said, "My Spirit shall not strive with man forever, for he is indeed flesh; nevertheless his days shall be one hundred and twenty years." The Nephilim were on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of men, and they bore children to them. Those were the mighty men who were of old, men of renown.
They are mentioned again in Numbers chapter 13, verses 32–33, in a description of the inhabitants of Hebron:

So they gave out to the sons of Israel a bad report of the land which they had spied out, saying, "The land through which we have gone, in spying it out, is a land that devours its inhabitants; and all the people whom we saw in it are men of great size. There also we saw the Nephilim (the sons of Anak are part of the Nephilim); and we became like grasshoppers in our own sight, and so we were in their sight.

There are four common views[citation needed] regarding the identity of the Nephilim.

1)They were the hybrid offspring of fallen angels and human women.

2)They were the offspring of descendants of Seth with those of Cain.

3)Webster's 1913 Dictionary defines the word simply as "Giant." Thus, any especially tall, powerful, large, or mighty man would be described in ancient times as Nephilim. Nephilim may simply mean "giant," champion, or strong man.

4)They are not historical figures and are ancient imagery with questionable meaning

"Angelology" by Danielle Trussoni, a novel about nephilim and reviewed on the first page of the NYTimes Book Review came out yesterday. I have trouble putting it down. It's a fascinating imaginary look at how they would look like, behave and interact socially. Technically speaking, they are fallen angels or as some refer to as "Grigori" - the Watchers who failed to do what they were commanded to do.

The Watchers (from Greek egrḗgoroi (ἐγρήγοροι)) or Grigori are a group of fallen angels told of in Biblical apocrypha who mated with human females, giving rise to a race of hybrids known as the Nephilim, who are also mentioned in Genesis 6:4. The Watchers appear in Biblical apocrypha, in the first and second books of Enoch and Jubilees. The word "Grigori" derives from the Slavonic Second Book of Enoch.

I wonder how many of us believe in guardian angels? and as C.S. Lewis proposed, demonic angels in his "Screwtape Letters"? Why do we have such a fascination with these winged beings? Do we aspire to one day also have wings and be able to fly? But how about the really big question that Bible believers have, which is "How did 1/3 of all the angels manage to screw up in a perfect place (namely heaven)?

So many questions. So few answers.

Just wonderin'

Running with squirrels

2010-03-09T10:21:00.000-05:00

It was nice to get out on snowless trails this morning. A spate of warm weather has melted it all away and surprisingly it wasn't as muddy as I thought it would be. No music on this run. Nature plays her own symphony. It's very engaging music. Helps keep one in the flow/zone. But those little buggers, the squirrels. Do they just love to outrun you or is this their nature - being squirrels that is?

That quick rustling noise they generate can be scary not knowing what is near you or more specifically what might be behind you. But once you see them and realize that their pace is way too quick, they're gone. I wonder if they have a good endurance base? They can run fast but can they run all day? Never got to question one so I must admit I don't know.

Here are two pics of where I was this morning. If you look very closely, you might even see a squirrel. They are an ubiquitous presence.

As for those "dang" squirrels, I wonder what they're thinking when I invade their space?

Whose woods these are I think I know.

His house is in the village though;

He will not see me stopping here

To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer

To stop without a farmhouse near

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there is some mistake.

The only other sound’s the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep. Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening by Robert Frost

Just wonderin' - that's all

When bad things happen to good people

2010-03-07T11:21:00.000-05:00

Don't we all know this feeling? It sucks the life right out of us, like a vampire seeking to devour our happiness. Sadness blossoms way too soon. Reasoning doesn't help because for the most part, there is no reason. It's all (here comes my favorite word ;)) "inscrutable." Here's a poem with lyrics borrowed from a MJ song "Gone Too Soon". It's for my best friend for whom "sadness is blossoming way too soon."

"Sadness Blossoms Way Too Soon"

Like A Comet
Blazing 'Cross The Evening Sky
Sadness Blossoms Way Too Soon

Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Sadness Blocks Out Happiness Way Too Soon

Shiny And Sparkly
And Splendidly Bright
Here One Day
Stays All Night

Like The Loss Of Sunlight
On A Cloudy Afternoon
Sadness Blossoms Way Too Soon

Like A Castle
Built Upon A Sandy Beach
Sadness Will Hopefully Fall Away

Like A Perfect Flower
That Is Just Beyond Your Reach
Sadness Keeps Happiness Out Of Touch

Happiness That Is
Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
I Wish Sadness Would Go Too Soon

Sadness Surely Blossoms Way Too Soon

Bible reading vs. Bible thumping

2010-03-05T09:55:00.001-05:00

"Should you read the Bible? You probably haven't. A century ago, most well-educated Americans knew the Bible deeply. Today, biblical illiteracy is practically universal among nonreligious people. My mother and my brother, professors of literature and the best-read people I've ever met, have not done much more than skim Genesis and Exodus. Even among the faithful, Bible reading is erratic. The Catholic Church, for example, includes only a teeny fraction of the Old Testament in its official readings. Jews study the first five books of the Bible pretty well but shortchange the rest of it. Orthodox Jews generally spend more time on the Talmud and other commentary than on the Bible itself. Of the major Jewish and Christian groups, only evangelical Protestants read the whole Bible obsessively." David Plotz, Slate magazine editor, "Blogging the Bible"

How true, how true. It is a big book, I must say, with lots of boring stuff but there's a whole lot of fascinating stories too, some lurid, others macabre and others simply brain-numbing. But the thing that bothers me the most is that the people who have read it the least seemingly have the most to say. These are your "Bible-thumpers" - a collection of usually conservative, right wing evangelical Christians.

It must be hard for them to think out of the box (oops, I meant the Bible) Everyone needs to read it like an ordinary book to avoid the built in biases we might have and to see it as something non-magical. You can always reread it with the preternatural aura surrounding it later. Just pray before you read it. If you believe in it, something is bound to happen. I better start whispering now so that my Christian friends won't view me as a heretic.

Anyway, if more Bible thumpers would actually read the Bible, I think they would thump less and be kinder, nicer and more thoughtful. It's a shame more people aren't Biblically literate. The plethora of archetypal themes would enrich all the other reading they do. It evens helps you understand paintings that one sees in museums that refect many of these Biblical stories. Even if one doesn't believe in the authenticity of the Bible, at least one can twirl the various themes, morals, allegories and rich symbolism around in their minds. There's a lot of food here for one's imagination!

I wonder what the state of our national moral consciousness would be like if more people read the Bible? As they say, "try it - you might like it"

Just wonderin'

Can you dance?

2010-03-03T17:00:00.000-05:00

Watching Michael Jackson's "This Is It" is watching the artistic amalgamation of song and dance, a privileged look into the creative process. As for me, I'm not a dancer, maybe slow stuff where I have to barely move but I admire those for whom dancing is like breathing. I think all great dancers have their own vocabulary and their steps are their words.

But for Michael there was more than dancing and singing. This was his genius, his preternatural ability to give meaning to our existence while we watched him perform. Get yourself a good sized HDTV, a Blu-Ray player and a mellifluous sound system and enjoy. Ever wonder how some people can do things with their limbs that are just mind-boggling?

I wonder if dancing can really be taught. The technical aspects sure but the heart and soul stuff that some have like Michael did? I'm not so sure? What is interesting in this respect is how Michael channeled his humility into his understanding of his God-given gifts. He said to fellow performers that it was important that they stay humble because if they didn't, God might remove the talents given to them.

Doesn't dance free us? Doesn't dance allow us pure freedom to feel our emotions not only if we kinesthetically partake of it or just watch others? Kinesthetic learning in and of itself is a mystery. A baby learns to walk and muscle memory never forgets what it feels like. That probably also goes for riding bikes, swimming, running, gymnastic moves etc. Maybe by not dancing we forego a learning experience that we aren't even aware of?

Just wonderin'

This is what I'd like to write like

2010-03-01T19:35:00.001-05:00

Ever read a piece of writing that just lights you up with its clarity, focus and style besides dealing with a topic you completely agreed with? I did today and here it is: (today's NY Daily News 3/1/2010)

Jazz may be less

popular, but it's power

endures

Stanley Crouch

Monday, March 1st 2010, 5:34 PM

Last week on Monday night, I attended a

party for the 75th anniversary of the Village

Vanguard, a basement jazz club that has

probably presented more brilliant

musicians over the years than any small

room in the entire United States, if not the

world.

The Vanguard's great success - but

relative obscurity in the larger culture even

after all these years - makes it clear that

the power, the authority, the inspirational

invention and joy of American music has

largely been displaced. We are now witness

to the loud technological gimmicks of an

expensive and shallow vaudeville.

Because this shallow vaudeville makes

millionaires of so many minor talents across

the color line, it is not surprising that we

are neck deep in decadence. Our popular

music once could boast of artists like Ella

Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra, or Duke

Ellington and Dave Brubeck, whose "Take

Five" was the last popular recording in a

certain kind of odd meter.

Those were serious creators trapped within

the narrow universe of popular

entertainment, but one of the miracles of

American culture is how often profound

things can arrive in the popular modes of

the film, the cartoon and the romantic

song.

The romantic song is where Billie Holiday

planted her flag. It was on an artistic hill

that no one has ever gone beyond in terms

of deep feeling and sophistication. She had

equal access to sorrow and satisfaction but

was free of self-pity and the brutal

narcissism that is so common to pop music

in our time.

On the ubiquitous red carpet, women in

pop music and film always seem like they

are on the way to a conference of hookers.

The self-demeaning is now considered no

more than another way of being "hot."

To be absolutely clear, Holiday was not like

the smut-peddling adolescents who have

come out of rock and roll, regardless of

how old they are.

Influenced by giants of the blues and of

jazz, Holiday was an adult and her

material was adult not in the pornographic

sense - but in the largely gone sense of

adult life far beyond the intense but

shallow concerns of teenagers.

In the Village Vanguard last Monday night,

among all of those given to reminiscing

about what was played and when, it was a

good but somewhat disturbing feeling that

jazz, which once was something of an

American anthem, has been displaced by

rock and roll or by hip hop and its empty

derivatives.

That is just how it goes. There has almost

never been a painter finer than Caravaggio,

who lived during Shakespeare's time and

was recently given a solo show in Rome.

Yet his work had been underappreciated

for over 400 years, until the art world

really caught on to his genius and sensitive

gianthood. Every aspect of Caravaggio's

world is gone other than the timeless art it

produced.

It can be like that. There is still enough

jazz left to go around and there are young

jazz musicians emerging who know the

importance of blues and swing, neither of

which is a particular style but carries the

invincible human soul of the music forward

in a way that nothing else does.

We are Americans - and that brings with it

a tortoise consciousness, meaning that we

might begin slowly but we do get there,

and always will.

crouch.

stanley@gmail.com

Is "Heavy Rain" heavy on decision making?

2010-02-28T10:23:00.001-05:00

Was thinking of alternative titles: "RPG's and the dynamics of ethical thinking"
"The mass psychology and socialization of gaming ethics" "Can games help our consciences evolve?"

This is the big game everyone is talking about. It replicates real life in the way we interact with people(characters) and how we make ethical decisions. The intriquing plot line helps also of course since it's the search for a serial murderer who has your only son but you also get to play other characters as well.

And death is real in this game. Because if you make bad decisions and your character dies, they aren't immediately re-spawned (brought back to life). Just like in the real world. The movie-like "noir" setting: bleak, dreary, lots of rain, appropriate sad music lends itself to helping to create an atmosphere that gives your decisions a more serious weight. And I think 'weighty" is a good adjective to use when describing the game. But there's something more intangible that I see happening.

Millions of people are playing this game mainly in the US, UK and Europe. Is there a collective unconscious being manipulated through a giant group-think about how to choose decisions that will affect the various possible outcomes in the game? I wonder if a game can lend itself to people making altruistic decisions? magnanimous actions? expressing 'agape' love by ultimate forms of self-sacrifice?

One of the questions asked in the advertising run-up to this game is "How far would you go to save someone you love?" Sounds absolutely Biblical to me. But real nevertheless. It makes one wonder what we would be willing to die for? Will people come away from this RPG (role playing game) as better people? more loving? more caring? more sensitive? I guess we'll never know. Makes one think though.

Just wonderin'

Soulful, snowful, bronchodilator running

2010-02-26T09:53:00.000-05:00

Music has a way of moving us, emotionally and literally. Plus having your bronchial tubes expanded is quite cool too! We're having our 2nd big snowstorm here in NYC; this one is bigger than the 1st.

This coughing spell has been with me for about 2 months now and I finally went in to see about it. Wanted to make sure I didn't have the onset of pneumonia again (the 1st time after I came back from the Rockies was a killer) or that I have lung cancer -:) Just exercised induced bronchial spasms.

Read the extensive medical/chemical jargon and used as directed. Wow - I'm not used to having stuff work as soon and as effectively as this. Even though I was running in blowing snow and about 2-3 inches of plowed stuff, I felt like I was cheating! Imagine what it must feel like when athletes use steroids in combination with HgH or is it hGh.

My father had his 86th birthday yesterday. We had a small party in his room at the nursing home with cards, balloons and friends calling in with well wishes. So for now, at least a small piece of time is good and well with the world.

Gotta go. Hopefully the movies are open. Want to see "The Crazies" One of those sci-fi horror thrillers that leaves one wonderin' what lies at the depths of man's soul?

Just wonderin'