We're doing a bit of maintenance.
Almost ready now! Just polishing the fittings and arranging the throw pillows. Our doors will be open again VERY shortly.
Which Kind Of Woot Monkey Are You?
There are two kinds of people - and monkeys - in this world. You're either an unhinged, self-indulgent, unpredictable Mortimer or a sensible, rational, dull Monte. Which kind are you? Take this super-scientific quiz and find out!
- You're stranded on a deserted island. You:
- Make a coconut bra because a monkey wearing a coconut bra is hilarious.
- Immediately start gathering firewood and materials to build a shelter.
- The Zombie Apocalypse is real. What is your plan?
- To always run faster than everyone else.
- This is obviously a trick question. Though primates are 96% genetically similar to humans, the reanimation virus has zero affect on them.
- Boston and New York are approximately 280 miles apart. One train leaves Boston traveling towards New York at an average speed of 80 mph. Another train leaves New York at the same time traveling toward Boston at an average speed of 60 mph. How long will it take them to meet?
- Who cares? I just want to dance.
- The error most people make here is assuming that both trains traveled the entire distance. But that is clearly not the case if one is traveling faster than the other. What is equal is the time each travels before meeting, so if: T=Time and Train1=80T and Train2=60T, then 80T+60T=280. That means that T=2 hours.
- I like bananas.
- Yes.
- What? This isn't even a question. I mean, I guess they're OK sometimes but to be perfectly honestly I'm a little insulted by the stereotype.
- Who is your favorite Doobie Brother?
- Michael McDonald
- Michael McDonald
Now tally your score. "A" answers get 1 point. "B" answers get 2.
- If you scored 1-5 points, you are MORTIMER! Mortimer is rash, impulsive, selfish, and let's just face it, not very bright. But the important thing is that he knows how to get the party started, and he looks smokin' hot in a coconut bra. Need we say more? Congrats! Tweet your result
- If you scored 6-10 points, you are MONTE! The good news is, Monte is a whole lot smarter and more responsible than Mortimer. The bad news is, he's kind of a big stick-in-the-mud. Congrats! You might not have a lot of friends, but they're all gonna die in the Zombie Apocalypse anyway. Tweet your result
This video is from the vaults. Any sales or events it refers to are probably OLD.
As the Woot Turns
Episode 3: The Kids Are All Home
"You look sad."
Sylvia stopped paying attention to Craig in hopes he might order her coffee drink correctly and looked over at the boy sitting with a large globe at the table next to her. "Excuse me? Young man, telling a woman she looks sad is incredibly bad form. Saying she's pretty is nice. Even offering to buy a woman an iced latte would be acceptable, though perhaps not at your age. But telling a lady she looks sad just isn't right."
"Sorry."
Well, you should be. But I accept your apology." She made a mental note to say something to the boy's mother, who was standing just behind Craig in line. Shame on her for raising such a rude creature.
"Are you sad?"
Sylvia rolled her eyes. "A little, maybe," she conceded, "but I don't see how that's any... I'm sorry, but are those handcuffs?"
The boy raised his left wrist and gave the cuffs attaching him to the globe a jiggle. "I acted out," he told her.
"Clearly."
"So why are you sad?"
"If you must know," Sylvia sighed, "I missed out on a particularly wonderful piece of furniture this afternoon. I had my heart set on this beautiful couch, but it was taken away from me by incompetents."
"Oh."
"I don't expect you to understand."
"Are incompy-tents like aliens? Because I think they might have my teacher, too." The boy stared down at his shoes as he spoke. "She was really nice. Ms. Estes taught me about dinosaurs and helped me with my stupid math drills and she let me be in charge of taking care of Harry for a whole month one time. She was so cool."
"Harry?"
"Our classroom hamster."
"Right. Of course." Sylvia suddenly felt silly for even mentioning the couch. Just the idea that it was now causing her more emotional distress was off-putting. "Please continue."
The boy shrugged. "I guess I was just hoping you might be sad with me. All Mom keeps saying is how she's going to hurt Uncle Alex for giving me these handcuffs."
"Well, I don't see any reason why not. We can be sad together, if you like. But life goes on, you know. We can't be sad forever. I'm going to have to somehow put together an entirely new design concept for my living room, though I have no idea how I'll find the time, honestly. And you? Maybe your new teacher won't be so bad. You do have a new teacher, yes?"
"She's a robot."
"Oh. That might make things difficult at first, I imagine."
"Yeah."
Sylvia waved it off. "Let's not think about that right now. Let's just stare out of this coffeeshop window, sigh forlornly, and think about our lives before they were so rudely interrupted by Life. How does that sound?"
The boy smiled. "My name's Jake."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Jake. I'm Sylvia. Oh, and before we wallow in ennui, please remind me to give your mother a stern talking to about how you speak to strangers once she comes back."
The End
This video is from the vaults. Any sales or events it refers to are probably OLD.
From The Drawing Board: Rejected Woot Redesigns
Minimal. Hip. Now. Sexy. Rejected.
This video is from the vaults. Any sales or events it refers to are probably OLD.
Woot Moments in History
1957, NEW YORK.
Jonah Rutledge comes under fire for statements which appear in the editorial pages of his seed catalog, regarding the nature of the French war against Algeria's Front de Lib´ration Nationale. Debate rages in the letters column for several months and does not end until the famous Life Magazine interview ("Did Rutledge Go Too Far On The Subject Of De Gaulle?" April, 1957) leads Edward R. Murrow to throw his support behind the publication. Nevertheless, Jonah Rutledge steps down from the position and moves the family to New Carrolton, Texas, where they live in an abandoned warehouse a short drive from the airport.
1999, NEW CARROLLTON.
Matt Rutledge, with time to kill before his first shift as a fry cook, staggers half-drunk into a library to check his email and accidentally sells his car stereo to a guy on Usenet. While cashing the check, it hits him: selling stuff on the Internet's a LOT better than actually working! After sitting down with a dictionary and finding every word in it is already being used for porn, Matt decides he must create a new word which best represents joy, heroism, patriotic feelings and the rush of pride that comes from finding an excellent deal! And then he drops his sandwich on the keyboard and buys "woot.com" somehow.
This video is from the vaults. Any sales or events it refers to are probably OLD.