40 years ago today, the single greatest achievement in Human history was fulfilled when Commander Neil A. Armstrong stepped onto the lunar surface uttering the words, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for Mankind.”

For more information about the Apollo 11 mission surf on over to The Smithsonian Institution.

I’m going to make this short.

Yesterday upon my arrival @ the Library I was greeted by a HUGE puddle of vomit directly in front of the staff entrance which I had to step over in order to enter the building to start my day… Splendid! Although beer cans, used condoms, urine and vomit are usually never far from point blank range, never before have I had to step over one to start my day. Swell.

I’m also going to include in this post, Tony, as he is like peas and carrots to vomit. Every summer we get some hard luck high school student to put to work, to show s/he what it’s like to have a job. Tony is the most apathetic, un-motivated person I have EVER met! Every department head get’s him for an hour once day a week. When he is at Reference the Reference Librarian has him cutting coupons to distribute to the public for 20 minutes however 15 minutes of the time he spends staring at the walls. When it’s time to switch to some other task, Tony says, “I don’t want to.”

Well you know what Tony, I don’t want to babysit your fussy teen ass either but this is work, and the way work works is that you often times have to do stuff that you don’t want to do. I do it in order to pay my mortgage and to have some kind of cushion when I can no longer work and am forced to retire… As the Social Security I’ve been paying into is depleted and I only get a check from them each month that affords me one grande latte from Starbucks in 2050.

Tony makes me want to vomit. The Assistant Director had him sweeping the sidewalk in from of the building on what was an absolutely beautiful day 75ish with low humidity and he was very displeased. I was like, “I’ll take the broom and you can send him up to Reference!” That idea was nixed almost immediately after the laughing subsided… The AD thought that he needed some movement to satisfy him instead of the sessile activity he was given. Sadly Tony’s only ambition in life is sitting on his ass and staring into space.

I Weep For the Future,

Woeful

The other day I witnessed one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life. Special Ed was sitting at one of our Internet workstations wearing headphones while surfing through the WWE’s website. After a while he found a video that really struck his fancy. He began thrashing his head violently as he thrust his arms out with both his index and pinkie fingers proudly extended on each hand.

He continued for about 10 minutes straight oblivious to the spectacle that was him… LMAO!

For everything there is a first time. Yesterday was the first time that we ever got a call from a pharmacy. The pharmacist asked us to fax over information about chlamydia for a young woman who was waiting there. The coworker who received the call had to ask me how we handle such transactions. I told her to fax it ASAP once I found a suitable entry on the topic in a medical encyclopedia. The first one that I found was too short but had a really nice close-up of an infected schlong. After seeing it I was like, “Next!” Then I found the perfect entry in another book that I had my coworker copy and fax for the woman.

… All in a days work.

This meme is for that cool librarian from Indianapolis, Blank Jane. Here are the top 25 songs in my iTunes:

1) Pain (Slayer Mix) – Four Star Mary

2) Bohemian Like You – The Dandy Warhols

3) The Wand – The Flaming Lips

4) Sound Of The Revolution – Lunatic Calm

5) Psalm for the Elks Lodge Last Call – The Weakerthans

6) Little Red Light – Fountains Of Wayne

7) Too Young – Phoenix

8 ) Son Of A Preacher Man – Springfield, Dusty

9) In The Waiting Line -  Zero 7

10) Stray Paper – Merritt, Tift

11) Wonderwall – Adams, Ryan

12) Virgin State Of Mind – K’s Choice

13) Nearly Lost You – Screaming Trees

14) Wish You Were Here – Adams, Ryan

15) If You Knew -  Case, Neko

16) Just Like Honey – The Jesus & Mary Chain

17) Caring Is Creepy – The Shins

18) Dry The Rain – The Beta Band

19) Paranoid – Black Sabbath

20) There’s No Other Way – Blur

21) Stars of Our Stars – Cowboy Junkies

22) Long Tall Sally – Little Richard

23) Silence – Gomez

24) Common People – Shatner, William

25) Split Needles [Alt. Version] – The Shins

I’m not going to tag anyone here, but if you want to participate feel free. Those who do, Lucky You.

The other night I was IMing with him and he conveyed this doozy of a Circulation story that is simply too choice not to share. So here it is in Chris‘ words copied directly from the IM window:

This older woman — with blonde hair (not sure why that was) — came up to the desk two days ago. She was wearing a dark suit, and a tie, and she had on a black conductor’s hat. I wasn’t sure if she was just making a fashion statement or what. Anyways, she comes up to the desk and hands me her card, because she wants to check two books out. So I scan her card, and let her know that she has $1.10 in fines. I asked her if she wanted to pay it now, or wait until next time. She said OF COURSE she would pay it now.

So, I pretended to keep myself busy while she got her money ready. WELL, I looked away for a second, and when I looked back, she had her black boot on top of the desk, and she was digging through it. She eventually pulled out a dollar and a dime, and said that she was all set. She put her shoe back on while I put the fine away. Then, I checked out her books and handed her her library card, which she proceeded to put in her other boot. She walked away, and I immediately started purell-ing. IMMEDIATELY. lol

Chris is obviously worth his weight in blog fodder… PRICELESS!

Today we acquired two copies of the book, Driving With Confidence: A Practical Guide to Driving With Low Vision.

[blink]

Our acquisitions guy saw the books and commented that chapter one should be how to distinguish a speed bump from a pedestrian.

Is this book really a public service? LMAO!

Angels and ministers of grace defend us…

Today a patron told me  that someone left an attache case under one of our sofas. I thanked the guy and brought the leather case to our lost and found bin. When I pulled the bin out I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when I saw the contents:

A single shoe…

How the hell does someone lose one shoe? I mean, I often wonder how patrons make it home when they lose their keys, but one of their shoes? Seriously, did this person actually make it all the way home and go, “Damn! I knew that my left foot felt kinda airy.” Or, “Shoot, I was wondering why I was walking with a limp?”

I really couldn’t make this shit up.

Someone turned-in this chisel last night. She said it was left at one of the Internet workstations:

LMAO!!

Anyway, I don’t think that many of you guys got my last post. Vote for Max’s video. Right frakking now, I COMMAND YOU! Seriously, she needs our help guys. Max did a great job in a hurry by composing an original score and editing this 60sec. video to land this gig and she needs the work so VOTE (and watch “Excess Baggage” while you’re at it because she wrote the screenplay, in fact, suggest it for purchase @ Your Library tomorrow).

So, vote for Max, and make me a little less Woeful today. I neeed all the help I can get too you know.

Vote for Max’s video right now!

Check out her blog too while you’re at it.