Go here instead!

I have moved my blog.

Well, not me exactly. Guy McLaren did it for me.

It’s not 100% sorted yet, but I’ve decided to start using it anyway.

http://www.expensivemistakescheapthrills.co.za

UPDATE:

The new blog is now working. Click here.

Dont forget to visit A Bad Mommy’s Blog.

still fresh out the box...

Okay, as much as I loved The Bad Mommy Blog group-effort, it seems to have grown a bit stale. I understand other bloggers’ dedications to their own blogs, so I’ve decided to go solo on The Bad Mommy Blog-side of things.

I will leave the old blog there, for people to browse in moments of nostalgia, but I decided to move my act to WordPress. And here it is – ‘A Bad Mommy’s Blog‘ – for all things bad-mommy-related, go there. I ask all my blog friends to put this on their blogroll. And, if ever, I write a post that inspires you to do a reply on your own blog, dont hesitate to link back and share!

So go on over and find out if one unplanned pregnancy really is the end of the world!

[Note: Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills is staying right here - this blog isn't moving, only my mommy-related blog is moving!]

might have prostate cancer. He’s going for tests today. He’s been feeling a little ‘not himself’ lately, and at his check up, the doctor was a bit concerned.

Prostate cancer. I know I dont have a prostate, but isn’t that like the worst kind of cancer there can possibly be for a man? Shame, The Boyfriend has been stressing the past few days. He says he doesn’t feel ready to become the head of the family yet.

I keep trying to re-assure him that there’s nothing wrong with his father, that there’s no point stressing until the test results come back. But my boyfriend is ever the worrier. He’s convinced there’s something wrong with his dad, and that he wont be around much longer. Although he’s hoping his dad will be fine. We all do that, I guess – expect the worst, so that whatever else happens, it doesn’t seem so bad, right?

Well a little of his worrying has rubbed off onto me. The Boyfriend’s family have been amazing to me and The Kid. The Boyfriend’s Father couldn’t adore his grandson more. They crawl around in the garden together, watch rugby on the bed together, go for walks and play in the dirt. BF’s Father is constantly amazed by The Kid, and his face lights up every time The Kid even so much as blows a spit bubble.

The Kid really is the light of his life at the moment – and I think The BF’s family’s total acceptance of me has, in part, to do with the fact that I gave them their first grandson/nephew. That Kid wants for nothing – he has everything he could ever hope for – toys, clothes, and all the accessories that come with being little, and with being that cute.

Anyway, I keep thinking what if? what if the reason for me having The Kid accidentally was to give The Boyfriend’s Father a reason to live. A reason to fight. What if he is sick, and goes through all the hectic chemo? I know, I’m very morbid today.

I guess it’s not often that we think about the ones  closest to us falling sick and even dying. It’s not something we like to do.

It’s not something even I like to do, but I needed to get it out there!

....and it's hot!

This is what you do when you dont have a pool…

This week’s contribution comes from Pillowtalker. She’s one sassy sexpert. So check it out. In the mean time, here’s this week’s ‘Would You Ever…?’

spice it up

Would you ever…..sexual role play?

Alternate title: Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me?*

In the history of my sexual life, I have seduced my professor in exchange for better grades, sold my body for money to a man I met randomly at a bar, and also been a few married men’s mistress. One of these married men I babysat for and this made me feel like his Lolita, something I had always fantasized of being.

While some of these encounters may seem shocking, I am not ashamed of any them. My awareness of my sexual self grew with each of these affairs and my satisfaction was heightened due to their taboo nature. I do not feel any remorse for my sexual exploits because no one suffered because of them. In fact, when I engaged in these sexual encounters, I knew, there was not even a possibility for ramifications. I knew I would never get caught by the school administration, law enforcement, these men’s wives or even my significant other regardless of how base I behaved. I have been able to live out many of my sexual fantasies without jeopardizing my primary relationship or others’ relationships and integrity not because of my stealth but because I knew there was never any real risk involved with these affairs. See, even though it appears I was engaging in illicit sex, the reality was that I was sexual role playing with my monogamous partner at the time.

Monogamy can sometimes get a bad rap. I’ve heard someone refer to monogamy as synonymous with monotony on more occasions than I can quantify. Others argue that monogamy is simply unnatural therefore it’s an unreasonable expectation of romantic relationships. Personally, I agree that monogamy is not natural for human beings. I believe it is a social construct. That being said, I believe most of us not only idealize monogamy but truly desire finding one other person in this world to commit to so we can be partners in life even when divorce statistics would seemingly quiet this want.

Most people want to settle down in a monogamous relationship because while monogamy may not be natural;

schoolgirl fantasy, anyone?

feelings of jealousy are innately human. After all, the main biological goal of humans is to extend our genetic legacy through procreation so jealousy in this context makes perfect sense as a natural reaction to a partner’s outside sexual behavior. I believe, since it is natural to reject sharing our sexual partner the expectation of monogamy in the large majority of romantic relationships makes sense.

However, it is true that variety is the spice of life as cliché as that sounds. Just as we are wired to be jealous of our sexual partner’s desire to be with others; we are designed to compare potential mates for the best genes (and maybe a great pair of jeans that hug the body just right….). As threatening as it may be to our partners and even our own selves, wondering about the sexual prowess of others you find attractive cannot be totally avoided.

Sexual role playing is a great solution to this paradox of human existence. When I was role playing with my previous partners, I was being sexual with the man I chose to explore a monogamous relationship with at the time and so I did not have to address any potential consequences for my actions. And yet, at the same time, even though I was being sexual with someone whose body was intimately familiar to me, there was the heightened thrill of stepping outside of acceptable sexuality. The mind is the biggest sexual organ and it is amazing what the imagination – and some creative, sexy costumes – will allow you to experience.

matching

In order to add an element of change and excitement to a monogamous sexual relationship I could not believe in sexual role playing more. I realize sexual role playing does seem threatening to some people but I have created a short list of reasons to introduce role playing to your sexual relationship (if you haven’t already):

*Sexual role playing can increase your relationship satisfaction and not just sexually. Role playing requires open communication which anyone can tell you is a keystone of a healthy relationship.

*Trust is another crucial element of a satisfying relationship and sexual role playing cultivates trust in one another. After all, revealing our sexual fantasies to one another can leave us feeling vulnerable. Realizing we can trust our partner with even our deepest sexual fantasies strengthens the relationship.

*Costumes are a fun way to be sexy! Even lingerie, as fabulous as it is, can get stale. Also, this is the perfect time to try your hand at sexual role playing as it is Halloween season. I suggest browsing a costume website to gather ideas for scenarios (Cheerleader/football player? Flight attendant/unruly passenger? Egyptian goddess/worshipper? Etc.)

*It can help you appreciate your partner even more by giving you a new insight to them by learning about their fantasies and seeing them act out the chosen scenarios. Learning new things about our long-term monogamous partner is essential to keep the relationship exciting.

it can be bought!

*Sometimes, life can be so freaking serious that it’s essential we learn ways to let loose to improve our life quality. Sexual role playing opens us up to the potential of feeling silly since, most of us are not professional, or even amateur, performers so acting out the scenarios may not come easily (but hopefully you will). Additionally, a willingness to be silly together also shows your commitment to one another.

*Sexual role playing requires an awareness of one’s own fantasies some of which are truly our “deepest and darkest” fantasies. This expression doesn’t exist for nothing. Some of our fantasies truly are buried. Focusing on an increased knowledge of your own sexual self lends itself to increased sexual satisfaction.

*Sexual role playing pushes our boundaries and helps us explore the taboo nature of our own sexuality without risk. A lot of sexual fantasies revolve around elements of power, for example, and you can explore these scenarios related to common structures of power such as employer/employee without actually risking your job or professional

whip it good

employment.

*We get to live out our sexual fantasy without risking the one we love!

*The only limitation is our imagination. If you’ve always fantasized about sexing an extra-terrestrial, for example, sexual role playing allows you this opportunity.

*Novelty is a necessary element of a stimulating sex life with a consistent long-term partner.

Obviously, I’m a firm believer in sexual role play; but the real question is if you would ever sexual role play?

*Alternate song title is a lyric from the song “Obsession” by Animotion.

Want more reading material? Here’s some…

How to Explore Fantast Sexual Role-Play.

Adult Role-Play – from a male perspective.

Need inspiration? Roleplayingfantasies.com

The hottest role-playing fantasies.

So….now, would you ever?

Okay, so my first round of Rocking the Daisies posts went down like a ton of bricks, but people, there’s more. Thankfully this time I’m only allowed to tag an additional 3 new people.

Phase two is designed to score extra tags.Now we all know how much I like to score tags, so this is what I have to do in order to do so – Write a blog post about either of these three things -

1. The Rocking The Daisies Red Bull RADAR competition proudly brought to you by Speakerbox – go to www.speakerbox.co.za/radar for more, and before you do so, I advise drinking down a Red Bull – because, well, it gives you wings and all that shit.
2. The fact that world renowned artist Eagle-Eye Cherry is playing at the festival at 8pm on Saturday, 4 October, guess we’ll all be singing ‘Save tonight, and fight the break of dawn, come tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll be gone‘…. is that stuck in your head yet? If so, good.
3. Or take a flying guess at guessing what the first prize of this competition mightpossibly, in your wildest most exciting dreams might be.

• Once you have done the post you may tag a maximum of 3 brand-spanking-new people.
• Then tag your name, your post and the person that originally tagged you in their post on the competition page. (for blogger users, dont be intimidated by the fact that the competition blog is WordPress – it’s very easy. Once you’ve done your post, there’s a text box under it called ‘tags’ – that’s where you tag names in order for them to count toward the competition) – go to the competition page, click ‘register’ in the top right hand corner.
• It’s now up to you to stalk, harrass and threaten each and every one of them to tag you in return and in so doing you could score three bonus tags!

Okay, so I’m going to take a running stab in the dark as to what the SURPRISE 1st prize is.

I bet it’s a popcorn machine. No wait, a foot massager. No, no, wait. It’s a pony. A flying, pink pony that smells like candy floss, and has rainbows sparking from it’s hooves. A flying pink pony that grants wishes.

A flying pink pony that grants wishes and can talk. Okay, okay, maybe that’s just a girl-hood dream of mine – but since we’re guessing, it cant hurt to wish as well, right? While we’re wishing and guessing, I bet it’s a palace. A floating palace with a million rooms, and golden floors, and in one room is a cupboard where you can….you guessed it – enter Narnia.

Hahaha, wouldn’t that be great.

Okay, seriously though. I’m hoping the first prize is money. Or a car. Or lots of shoes and handbags. I could do with those, those would seriously NOT go unappreciated. Even a shiny new laptop would go down like a homesick mole.

Please, please, please – those I tag, would you do me the favour and take 10 minutes to complete the instructions. I’d love to win. I’ve never won anything in my life except a R50 Parmalat gift voucher. I know, how completely sad. You’re probably thinking – all this effort for an iPod? Yes. All this effort for an iPod. With the price of nappies and formula being what it is, and me having a serious Body Shop addiction, there’s no money left over to by an iPod. So make a miserably broke mommy happy, and follow instructions, okay?

Okay, thanks.

I tag:
1. Roxilla (because she’s such a honey!)
2. GoblinTalk (because she’s my new friend on FB and I heart her)
3. Guy McLaren. (Because we’ve been having the coolest debates lately, and I’m hoping like hell that he will help me out here)
If you’re new to this – click on the links at the top of the post and read instructions.

Ps: dont forget to tag me as ‘cheapthrills’  – all one word.

Oh, and the competition closes on the 20th of September, so please, guys, get crack-a-lacking!

That is all!

After the misery of lurking on that seriously negative site yesterday (Za Sucks – I refuse to link to them any more than I already have) I decided that it’s time for a bit of positivity.

Let’s look at what we have to be grateful for in this country – (I had to limit it to 10 reasons – there are SO many!)

1. South African paralympic team won 24 medals in Beijing. Out of those 27 medals, 17 were gold. Natalie Du Toit won 5 gold medals alone, from the five events she competed in.

2. Our national symbols are cool and they really stand for something -

- national flag: The national flag  was embraced on Freedom Day on the 27 April 1994, and first flown 10 May 1994, the day Nelson Mandela was inaugurated as president – the day we celebrate as the Birth of Democracy in our country.

The central design of the flag, beginning at the flag-pole in a V form and flowing into a single horizontal band to the outer edge of the flag, is to be interpreted as the convergence of completely unique and diverse elements within our society, taking the road ahead in unity. From exclusivity, to inclusivity. Beautiful, isn’t it? Much better than this old one, which just screams division and separateness.

- The National Coat of Arms: The focal image is a secretary bird with uplifted wings, a sun rising above it. Below the bird is the protea, an indigenous South African flower, representing the gratifying harmony of all cultures and the country flowering as a nation.

The ears of wheat are symbolise the fertility of the land – the ability to feed a nation, and grow a nation, while the tusks of the African elephant symbolise wisdom, steadfastness and strength.It also symbolises remembrance. While an elephant never forgets, so too must we never forget our past and must carry the memory into the future.

At the centre stands a shield emphasizing the protection of South Africans, above which are a spear and knobkierie. These assert the defence of peace rather than a posture of war.

Within the shield are representations of the Khoisan people, the first inhabitants of the land. The figures are derived from images on the Linton Stone, a world-famous example of South African rock art. The motto of the coat of arms – !ke e:/xarra//ke – is in the Khoisan language of the /Xam people, and means “diverse people unite“, or “people who are different joining together“. (isn’t that just awesome?)

- Our national animal – the Springbok - the country’s national animal  gives its name to the South African rugby team – fondly (and sometimes not so fondly) known as the Boks. The springbok (Antidorcas marsupialis) gets its name from its characteristic jumping display – pronk in Afrikaans. The animal stands 75cm high and weigh about 40kg.

-National flower – The giant or king protea (Protea cynaroides) flourishes in the south-western and southern areas of the Western Cape, from the Cedarberg up to just east of Grahamstown. South Africa’s national flower is the largest of the proteas, which make up an important part of the Cape Floral Region, a major global biodiversity hotspot and a Unesco World Heritage site. The proteas also give their name to South Africa’s national cricket team.

3. South Africa is the cradle of humankind. On this soil is where we first stood on two feet, experimented with the uses of opposable thumbs, first used fire, and developed a primitive language consisting of grunts. How far we have come since then.

Even today, people come from all over the world to visit one of their early ancestors, Mrs Ples.

4. We are the host of the 2010 Soccer World Cup. Yes, I believe this event WILL help South Africa shine. Stop with the negativity already, and let us just work on this one. There are some awesome things lined up for 2010, one of the most beautiful is this stadium planned for my home town Durban.

Benefits of hosting the 2010 World Cup?

It has been estimated that this World Cup will create  around 129 000 jobs, add about R21-billion to South Africa’s gross domestic product (GDP) and generate another R7.2-billion in government taxes, with around 350 000 soccer-mad-visitors expected to spend some R9.8-billion in the country during the tournament. Wow, that’s a big wad of cash, if you ask me.

But most important of all are the indirect spin-offs from improved perceptions abroad which can only have an even greater, longer-lasting impact, not only on South Africa and its development but on the continent as an entirety. A successful World Cup can help change perceptions of Africa, and attract a number of vital foreign investors.

5. Our country is beautiful, and we are so lucky to have it all. We have sandy, sunny beaches. Sub-tropical forests, mountains, deserts and wide rivers, wet lands, highveld, waterfalls, gorgeous wildlife, and wonderful and weird plant life.

6. We have eleven official languages. Count ‘em. That’s a whole lot of communication going on. And I plan for my son to learn as much of it as he can. No other country in the world can boast so many official languages. Isn’t it amazing?

7. We have awesome people proud to be South Africans. Nelson Mandela, and Charlize Theron. We have Tanya van Graan Ryk Neethling and Chris Barnard. We boast the world’s first heart transplant, and we have Miriam Makeba and Olive Schreiner and Mark Shuttleworth. We have some of the finest. Dont let Jacob Zuma fool you into thinking that all South Africans are the devil incarnate.

8. We have the most progressive Constitution in the world. Nowhere else in the world are socio-economic rights entrenched in a Bill of Rights, which makes them enforceable against government. We have (despite recent controversy) freedom of speech, freedom of the media, and as Carte Blanche always says – ‘we have the right to see it all’. We have equal voting rights – men and women of all colours and creeds. And people died to give us all that opportunity to mark our ‘X’ and raise our voices.

9. We have biltong and boerewors, pap and vleis, curry and rice and samoosas and rotis and chakalaka. Melktert and koeksusters. Our food tastes are diverse, our available options are numerous. And the result is just delicious. And most important of all – we have the almighty braai. We have Black Label (despite the Laugh it Off laugh-riot about that) and Castle and Klippies and Cola. We have Richelieu and Johnny Walker, and we love them all at a braai, watching the rugby.

10. We have the right to complain. Ours is a participatory democracy, where things like petitions and public participation are vital in governmental decision-making. We have the right to demonstrate, march and toyi toyi. Where else in the world is this right protected by the Constitution?

But most important of all is that we are ALL South African. We all live here, love here, work here and die here. Despite the mass exodus, those of us who remain (for the large part) adore our country. We groan through the hard times, we bitch when our national team loses a game, but we pick ourselves up and try again.

That’s what I love about our country, and our people. We have patience, and determination. And one day, one day soon, all our hopes and dreams will be realised.

If we just work together.

Got three minutes to spare? Here’s why South Africa’s going to surprise you!

Other bloggers who were also inspired to love their country:
1. Guy McLaren
2. Caz.
3. Roxilla
4. Parenthesis.
5. Blue Sunflower.
6. SA Rocks.
7. Spindrifting South African Sea Monkey.
8. Samcy
9. Charmskool
10. Dance-Floor Tragedy.

Lately I’ve been reading a couple of blogs based on confessions. Confessions of adulterers. Cheaters, if you will. And it’s got me thinking.

Now, by cheating, I mean going behind your partners’ back, in secret, and having sexual relations with another person. I dont mean open relationships, where that kinda behaviour is acceptable, within certain parameters. I’m talking about lying, cheating, meeting up in secret, not telling your bit on the side you’re married or in a relationship kind of cheating. I’m talking about the stuff that bad movies, and even worse TV shows are made of. The heartbreak stuff.

The heartbreak stuff that I used to pull myself. I cheated on my boyfriend, heck, nearly every night. His friends found out, but it was months before they told him, and in those months, I got away with some pretty shameful things. Even when I was single, I played the field like a guy. I had a different date for every night of the week. Some nights I even had back-up dates, for in case the first one bored me.

Where am I going with this? Last night I had a dream I was trying to cheat on The Boyfriend. And in the dream, I knew this was completely wrong, and every time I got close to the guy I was trying to cheat on The Boyfriend with, I would force The Boyfriend to appear in my dream, so I wouldn’t have the opportunity to cheat.

This is the first time I’ve been in a voluntarily monogamous relationship. This is the first time where I haven’t wanted to cheat. I have hardly any men’s numbers on my cell phone, apart from those very close to me. I dont flirt with men online anymore, and I particularly dont flirt with men when I’m out and The Boyfriend isn’t around. In fact, having a guy flirt with me makes me feel very uncomfortable. I’ve made sure not to put myself in any situation where I could possibly be put in any kind of compromising position. I’ve made sure there’s no room for error in my life.

What justifies cheating? In my mind, (since this relationship) nothing. There is no excuse. There is no ‘my needs weren’t being met in that relationship, so I went elsewhere to get what I wanted.‘ That’s bullshit, even I knew that at the time I spouted it to my ex. I was just bored, and didn’t have the heart balls to break up with him. Now I realise how wrong, and hurtful that was. It’s far better to make a clean break than to let it get messy with cheating, and hope that the other person finds out and ends it with you. That’s just cowardly. But then, back then, that’s what I was.

Now, The Boyfriend and I were talking the other day. He has this friend who is engaged to the mother of his children. This woman has just recently given birth to their second child. Apparently, because she wont do certain things with him (like anal sex) he pays to get what he wants, elsewhere. And doesn’t think it’s cheating. His reasoning? Paying for sex doesn’t make it cheating. What the fuck? Are you for real dude? In my mind, paying for something makes it even worse. It just evidences that the intention to cheat was clearly there. It wasn’t something that was a once-off product of inebriation (which still isn’t excusable, but depending on your relationship and how much you love your partner, might be mildly forgivable) it was pre-meditated, and well thought-out. And this guy fully believes he is justified in getting it elsewhere. It’s his wife-to-be’s fault, because she wont put out that way, therefore he is forced to look elsewhere.

Am I the only one that thinks this is a load of fucking bullshit? When you enter into a relationship with someone, and make a commitment like an engagement ring, that’s a promise. A promise to be with only that person, a promise to be faithful to them, in preparation for marriage. Unless it is clearly expressed between the two parties involved that it is permissible, in certain circumstances, to conduct other relations within an open relationship. And when I say ‘clearly expressed’ – the so-called ‘open relationship’ must have clear  rules and boundaries. Any behaviour outside these constraints is impermissible.

I know there’s that saying ‘there is no prude like the confirmed rake’ (that comes from Jilly Cooper novel-reading, by the way) but now that I have morals, I’m pretty clear on what they are, and what they’re not.

Am I the only one who thinks this way?

What’s your opinion?

Another Sunday. Another 4 new blogs discovered to read and share. Here they are. Only, this time you’re super lucky. I had a great time, and found spans of new, gorgeous blogs. I decided to limit it to 9.

This week’s category of blogs: personal/life/humour.

1. Cake Wreck. When professional cakes go horribly, hilariously wrong.

2. Damsel in Digress. Her tagline is ‘are you there, tequila? it’s me. damsel.’ And it’s all downhill from there…

3. The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation-Marks. “Misinterpreting” bad “punctuation” since 2005.

4. Crummy Church Signs. “When God calls you, does he get a busy signal?” and other blasphemous no-nos.

5. A Girl Interrupted. She just broke up with her boyfriend of 12 years, and is learning how to be single again. One day at a time. What could be more inspirational?

6. Pants, Pants, PANTS. If procrastination were karate, she’d have a black belt, she carries a Harriet the Spy Notebook in her bag at all times, and likes ice cubes in her milk, and berries with her vodka.

7. The Blogess. Like Mother Theresa. Only better. And with a blog.

8. Dirty Little Secret. She made the transformation to suburban mom. Soon she’ll be a suburban soccer mom. Wanna know how that makes her feel? She wants another tattoo…

9. Debauchette. She’s been promiscuous, monogomous and exists in a world where art and sex meet. Where this fusion is called ‘haute porn’. She prefers the term ‘whoretesan’ rather than ‘courtesan’ but whatever you call her, just call her.