Been crazy addicted to Aion these days, and working hard at my super fun time job!

I’m fixing to post a new series of “Fem” updates to help you be the girliest you can be!

Just gotta mention, I’ve been awake about 20 hours now getting all my projects done for school… but mostly it was roleplaying in Aion. BUT ANYWHO…

I can do lots of silly voices, so I’ve decided to work on some of them.. and the one I’ll cover here is.. My girl voice! I wonder why!

First I will let you listen to my GIRL voice, then my MALE voice.

I’ll say some stuff with each voice (which happens to be the back of the Dragon Age box), so.. check it out and let me know! Sorry about the quality but.. I don’t know crap about sound! My $8 microphone says hey!

Female Voice 1

Female Voice 2

Male Voice

Sorry about the downloads, but I don’t know any sites to stream it, putting sound only on youtube sounds retarded.. I’ll set that up later!

So go listen! Tell me how much of a butch man I sound like in each video. Also, I’m from the Southern US, so yeah.. I have a country accent that is tough to shake.

If the people from there want more in-depth searching and things like that, you have to come over to my wordpress blog. Every entry in CP.net has a ‘source’ thing down at the bottom that you can click to get to the WordPress side of things, where the themes look cooler, and there’s easier ways to search my posts.

Here’s hoping that someone… actually reads this stuff!

ja ne~!

BUT HEY! I’m making an attempt to putting a post up everyday, and soon I’ll have the Sunday Tip of the day!

Tip #1 is…. Be proud of yourself!

This is a basic way to live your live be it crossdresser or not. Always take pride in everything you do, and do your best 100% of the time. Sometimes that’s not very fun to do, but if you work hard it’ll pay off ten times your investment!

If you’re going out as a girl, make sure you BELIEVE you’re the hottest chick on the face of the planet! If you’re unsure of yourself, people will most definitely take notice of it.

Well there’s the first tip of the day. Kinda rushed since I have to get to work and I won’t be home until Sunday morning.

Till then, see ya!

In case you didn’t know, I’m a 23 year old MtF Transgender person. Don’t know what that is? Uh.. go look it up! That’s not the important part, it’s just important on WHY and HOW I turned out this crazy way.

Before we get started, it is a bit of a sob story so don’t even read it if you don’t want to shed a tear or two.. I might..

IN THE BEGINNING.. I was one gay little kid, always wanting to wear cute dresses and have long hair. Turns out I wasn’t gay (boobs+vagina=win) but I was a bit .. gender confused! When you’re a little kid you don’t know that though, I was just very girly, big deal, whatever.

This is where it gets DARK, so stop reading if you’re light-hearted.

I was seven years old and over my aunt’s house for the weekend, my cousin was telling me and my brother how he was out banging chicks or something like that. Yeah, it was pretty messed up already. I already knew about the difference between boys and girls, but not any big birds-and-the-bees information. Later that night my cousin talked me into letting him have sex with me. It was going to make me a girl, and I was all for that!

To my dismay, that was not what happened. After it started, it hurt a lot, of course, I started crying and tried to get away. He didn’t let me go, and continued to rape me until he was done. Being raped is pretty horrible, I wouldn’t recommend it. Afterwards he told me that I was a girl now, and if I said anything to anyone he would tell everyone I was a sick whore and insisted on it. I didn’t want that, so I kept my mouth shut.. and I guess I turned into a girl like I wanted? It was my fault for letting him do it to me, I thought.

Some time had passed and we were staying over at my aunt’s house again. My cousin and I were going to go out and fish off the bridge down the ways a bit, and I’m all.. hells yeah, fishin’s cool! Once we got all the gear ready and went down to the spot, we fished for a little bit and it was fun(I guess). Couple hours go by then my cousin asks if I want to do something fun, sure I say, I’m a 8/9 year old, fun is awesome! He pulled out something called ‘weed’ and we started to smoke it, after a couple hits I was all wonky and coughing up all kinds of stuff. He then told me we were going to have sex again, and if I didn’t let him he’d tell on me. He raped me again right off the side of a road on the bank of a creek.

Later that night when we were back at my aunt’s house, he made me go out to their big workshop up on the hill in the middle of the night, smoke more weed and get raped again. When he was done with my body once more, he pushed me off of the workbench I was on causing my knee to get scraped up and was told to lie and say I fell on some rocks. We went back to the house with me crying and holding my knee, I took a bath and cried more, then finally went to sleep in their living room.

When I woke up in the morning, my aunt told me my mom wouldn’t be able to come up there today since my grandmom was having some heart problems… This news made me cry, and I played it off like I was sad about my grandmom(which I was, and she’s still alive today btw). That day my cousin took me out in his new truck to go drive around the country side a little. Part of the time was nice, seeing deer and other wild animals was something I didn’t see everyday. Like noonish or so, we decided to head back to the house, but he had to stop off at a friends real quick. When we got there to some little trailer in the middle of no where, I didn’t want to get out of the truck since I didn’t know the people in there, so he just went in alone. I sat there in the truck with the windows rolled up for 3-4 hours until he came back out to the truck. He told me to come in and I said no, he then went and yanked me from the truck and pulled me into the house.

There were several older guys, around my cousins age(15-18 probably). It’s pretty hard for me to remember these days. But anywhos, I was forced to drink alcohol and smoke more weed before all the men in the room started to have their way with my body. It’s all very fuzzy due to the drugs/alcohol, and well.. the experience of being raped. I just remembered it was around 3PM when I was drug from the truck, and the next time I seen a clock was 11PMish and it was on the ride home. Next thing I knew I was laying out in the shower with cold water pouring down on me. Things hurt in ways I didn’t know was possible.

I was sick of being taken advantage of, so I decided to tell my parents one day. Eventhough my cousin would tell on me for whoring myself, doing drugs, and drinking alcohol, I didn’t care anymore. I wasn’t really able to tell my mom and dad out right, and I didn’t see them very often due to their work schedules. I had wrote them a note and left it on the coffee table, telling how I was being used by my cousin. My parents read it in the morning and woke me up, and told me to stop making up stories like that, it was a serious matter!

I was beaten.. there was nothing I could do about it any longer. Over the next couple years, everytime I went over my aunt’s house I was raped several times by my cousin and some of his buddies. I even saw money exchange hands. I let them do it to me since I couldn’t do anything about it, it was my fault for having the desire to be a girl in the first place.  This went on until I was 11 years old. I wondered why god hated me so much, and was getting ready to accept that type of life.

As soon as I gave up all hope.. My cousin was arrested on several accounts of robbery, assault, breaking an entering, all kinds of things. I finally was free from him! He got out of jail a few years later, and was then arrested for violating parole, having drugs and breaking into another house. Years passed of him being locked away, and he was finally going to get out again in 2006. He beat up some guy in jail and got locked away for 2 more years. In December 2008 he was literally weeks from getting out.. and was caught with contraband in his cell. He spent a while in solitary confinement for oweing the gangs in there a lot of money, was beaten and shuffled around to other prisons to keep him from getting killed. Last year (2009) he finally managed to get out.. since then he hasn’t been able to find a job willing to hire him, and is being wrung out from child support as we speak.

While he still hasn’t paid enough for all of the pain and suffering he’s put me through, I guess losing any free will in his life will be enough for now.

In that little bit of story, it may seem that I joke about rape.. That’s how I deal with my pain, making jokes about it. It is no joking matter. Also, I don’t do any drugs and I have had several STD and blood tests done since those days to ensure I didn’t have anything.

In 2006 I had my first trip to a Gender therapist where I regaled her with this same story, and about my wanting to be a female all these days. She told me I had something called ‘gender dysphoria’ or gender identify disorder. Since then I’ve had a few.. episodes where I’ve wanted to start taking hormones, but I know that’s not what I really want for my life.

My girlfriend has been a tremendous strength to me this whole time, we’ve been going out for three years in two weeks. She knows everything I’m about to post here. She both loves and accepts who and what I am. While I don’t go out dressed up all the time, there’s some days where I go out and party and get hit on by guys like normal girls do.

My childhood was dark, but that doesn’t shape who I am as an adult. I am one awesome person these days, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Just so you know, I don’t plan for the blog to be all sad and droopy like this post.. it’s just a bit of my back story so you understand me and where I come from.

Hopefully I can figure this wordpress stuff out and be bangin’ out good times and fun for everyone to enjoy!

By the way, if you’re wondering about the name “In The A.M.” the A.M. stands for Alexandria Marie, my name! AND IT’S LIKE 4AM WHEN I MADE IT. GENIUS.

Also due to the .. way this blog is set up, I’ll keep only cross/dress/play stuff related here, and I’ll link to my other blog when I feel something is important enough to get out there.